₦airaland Forum

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ginaolo:
Hi

Wait! How about guys who act same way.
Being shy or reserved isn't a bad thing (as long as you are sure she isn't pretending). I think what matters most is how she acts when you guys are alone (together).
I'm saying this bc I have similar trait also (gets pretty uncomfortable mingling with people) and I tend to appreciate and enjoy my time alone. Partying (including official presentation/social functions at workplace) isn't my thing and a few do wonder how comfortable I feel not being sociable.
Understanding your spouse is KEY. Respect and appreciate her nature (provided it won't endanger people around you). You can encourage her but don't force bc it won't work. Matter-of-factly, don't attempt it because of how your siblings/family would feel about her. It's your duty at that point to make them understand, even as you hope for improvements in her nature.

ursullalinda:
Hmmm tot she resigned ?

Bubu rejected the resignation then.

But it'll be[b] FAIR[/b] to deny the Igbos same opportunity? Pathetic!

DELETED.

wink2015:
BUT WHY IS THE PHOTOGRAPH SO POOR IN QUALITY ( black and white for that matter ) in just 1998.

Some old photo of the 1950 and 1960 's is even clearer than this photos.

Abi OBJ juju spoil am for PHOTOS !

It's because it's a cut-out from an old newspaper.

Babeme:
Am torn between the devil and the deep blue sea. my husband wants me to resign and meet him up at his station.he isn't ready to help me get a job or start a business.
He is this type that is very controlling. he is the type that refuses to provide food or school fee when he is angry.(I have to pay).he cheats without remorse .
This job has been my distraction .if I resign I would just die of boredom.
I have explained, i have begged.but to no avail.instead he parked everything (clothes, toiletries, furniture, everything to his station) to his station.
Right now am with a friend and I have to get a new place.pay up the kids fees,and furnish our new place i have tried talking to my mil but she see nothing wrong since she is a full time house wife.
I have even offered to visit his station more often but he is insisting I resign or he gets a new family over there.am confused.

You seek advice and words of wisdom from people on this platform. You'd get several but you need to come to terms with what you really want. 1. Only you can figure out how best to attend to this.
2. Your happiness matters though, but your kids deserve a home with both parents if you can continue to gift them that (as long as yours is not an abusive relationship nor that which threatens your life).
3. Which would you be ready to sacrifice between your JOB and your HOME (family unit) if you find yourself at a crossroad?
I am a man. I have my ego but I do not support a man neglecting his responsibilities as both a father and a husband nor CHEATING on one's spouse like you stated above but maybe you can at least try to talk to him, to know what he really appreciates in you, what would endear you to him more. See, sometimes, having married could make one to concentrate less on things that earns you the attraction (desire to bond with you before marriage) in the first place.Perhaps those things are missing now. I understand that some men would still go out to cheat even if they have Beauty Queens as wives but it doesn't harm to do a kind of re-assessment.
I support women exercising their rights but you tend to achieve more when you are diplomatic about it. Your hubby wont even know it until you've both resolved whatever it is on ground. Quitting one's job isn't advisable judging by the present day situation in Naija. You keeping it and traveling down on weekends isn't okay by me. A man should do that, unless he is the one with the kids. But trust me, staying apart doesn't help either as there will be allegations upon allegations bordering on infidelity and its likes. There's a higher percentage of ruining your marriage from a distance. An adage in yoruba land says "Miscreants and wayward children still attempt to beat a drum firmly held on to by the owner, let alone the one left hanging on the wall unattended".
If you are to quit a paid employment, what kind of business would you like to go into? Figure that out and then work towards saving or sourcing funds for it (having made it clear that he isn't a responsible man). Then give him a timeline, a period that would allow you to resign properly and establish yourself over there so the burden won't be too much on him. Who knows, he may reconsider and thereafter change towards you and the kids for better.
That way, you get to keep your home (family) and a means of lively-hood is there for you as well. Though all these doesn't guarantee him being 100% faithful to you but you would have provided your kids with that opportunity of growing up with both parents under the same roof.

Guest007:
Thank you for your efforts... I trust you are well today

Still hanging in there. Thanks

truthsayer009:
Are you speaking for her, in her absence or how?
So It means me too have lived a Reckless life with my body then. So no p.

I apologize if you felt offended. I shouldn't have tried to clarify issues not directed at me. Kindly overlook my error and let's not go further. Thanks

Guest007:


I l

truthsayer009:
Badosky! You have enjoyed life to the fullest

Being reckless with one's body does not mean sleeping around (if that's what you interpreted her words to mean). Not peculiar to individuals with multiple partners and the likes. You could be reckless with your body when you promote the habit of taking more than the prescribed dosage of your medication. Intake of food/alcohol/beverages that are in excess or not good enough for health reasons. When you ignore signs that shows you that your body needs rest. A whole lot of things.... body count is not an exception too.

truthsayer009:
What does this even mean

You don't have to be religious to rate your spirituality. One might feel WHOLE while feeling that the ESSENCE is lacking.
There are some who create a picture of being a model, people who are seen by many as a template, they don't miss worship/services/vigil and other church/mosque activities, yet their communication with God is VERY poor. They portray AB but exhibit BC, you know. On the other hand, you may not even cross people's mind as a serious follower of whatever God/god you serve yet you maintain a very close relationship with your God. Don't know how I could make it simpler than that but I hope that makes the picture a lil bit clearer.

Guest007:
Anything worth having is hard so, why should life be any different. It's not a walk in the park but it's also not impossible, it's doable, and you come out a 2.0 version of you.

I love this: Suffering erodes the ego, there is a reason for it.

Hmm...Come to think of it, you are right. Life is hard, yet desirable. I guess it (life) has no other desire except to fulfill itself.
Good to have learnt a few things from you too.
Thanks for your time on this

Guest007:
I actually found my saving grace when mindfulness came into my world through this forum. Could you believe that I had never experienced being in the moment, in the present, and to think that there are people who actually live in the present moment daily, I had to sign up.

It's all a journey and I have come to realise that the only solution is to go through it because there's no going around it. It wasn't easy on one level but then I live in a supportive environment, so I was able to access help.

In some bouts I'd be indoors for years... I waited for the wave to come back around and every new year, I asked myself 'are we ready this year' and 1 out of 5 was the year I said 'Yes'.
But I have to maintain this it has to be deliberate, and staying in the moment has helped me to do that.

My point being it's not going to be easy but what other options do we have? We can't stay floating on the bottom, we could hit rock bottom and slowly learn to come back. There will be relapses but you are more equipped everytime.

Use this time to learn something or work on whatever is bothering you and Google is your friend.

I'm big on spirituality, not religion but if religion sets the lights of in your head then great.

PRACTICAL! Like I said earlier on this issue- You are an inspiration to many. Glad in a way that you did hint that it wasn't an easy feat.

obingo25:
yea my own problem is this my parents who i am currently staying with chose to make life a bit stressfull for me i am on the crossroad of either ending my life or going to start life all over again at a new place even as a conductor or as a nurtw staff i don't mind i want something that will take me as far as possible away from them i just want a life of my own,maybe i find life better and i want to leave the house tomorow and i will never come back again..amen.

Make a pause bro... Life isn't as easy as you think it is, though difficult sometimes. Time. Time is all you need. Careful planning and focus, then you can take the step. Just an advice, but you have the liberty to do as you wish

Guest007:
Thank you so much for sharing this thought. You've blown me away , so I don't know where to start...

Let me start with the last paragraph(ur modified part)... I love Louise Haye (May SHE continue to rise in peace ) And she talks about this a lot! She said cancer could be linked to (holding a grudge- if you think of a tumour you could understand what she means-) So, that energy and pain that we refuse to let go could be breaking up the body. If Like attracts like and if what we think about creates negative energy, negative feelings, and ultimately negative actions... if like attracts like and everything pairs up well, then we are royally bleeped

I wanted to add that depression and anxiety are only Symptoms, we need to find the core underlying beliefs, thoughts and feelings. I have experienced anxiety for 5 years now, and I have come terms with the fact that it isn't something like a virus or an infection, where you can take medication, and then after a number of months or more , you're back to normal. Mental health problems REQUIRE a change of lifestyle, and a change mind set.

The word depression is another abused word like the word feminism, so if what you feel is long term, unlifting, and in a state of hopelessness, then take it as your body telling you that whatever you are/ever have been is wrong and it's not working.

I lived a bit of a reckless life, so I can't blame my poor body, or deny it the feelings (I don't personalise things any more, I found the I in I am)

All depression and anxiety mean to me now is an alarm system went off, and I have to give myself the things I promised, and dreamed, and was called for because my soul won't have it any other way. My body will break down and the mission will be aborted.

We are not our bodies, this is our car, we are not our feelings, those are the guiding systems, and we are certainly not the Things we posses because they change. Find the self and work from there.

*jumps of the soap -box*

You may be right. The two could be symptoms as both have grave consequences but I think Depression operates on a much higher level than Anxiety. Your analogy on ATTRACTION does make sense, one of the reason I suggested Positive Thinking as one of the steps to take. Finding the core underlying beliefs or cause(s) however, may provide a lasting solution but embarking on this journey Alone could end in futility in most of the cases. Oftentimes, not too interesting-life situations cause our shoulders to feel heavy and burdened like you know, and as such the temptation to give up sets in. If you will agree with me, ending up as such isn’t necessarily a result of the choices we made. Sometimes, what we need is not just someone to shoulder these burden for us but finding someone willing to walk with us all the way, someone who understands the pain and ready to share very soothing words. The result is an amazing feeling. This could ease the grief that has eaten deep into our souls.
If “giving yourself the things that you promised and dreamed about …” was a result of your efforts ALONE, then I salute you as a lady. You are strong.
And if indeed that is the case, you should know that NOT everyone is strong enough to do that without help. I quite agree with you that the resolution must first come from the individual with respect to a change of lifestyle. It may not be easy for everyone the way it was with you or with me. At a point, I got tired of trying to be strong. Battling with that resolution and the madness of life drained me. Our breaking points could be miles apart, but we all have that point. I pray for strength for those who have either gotten there or almost getting there.
Opening up as a way out is still my position. A forum like this is sure to have touched a life. Your experience too could have inspired someone somewhere a reason to hold on.

SBL28:
I can't describe how I feel, but it's not a good feeling. I'm divorced with two kids and I'm not even 30 yet (late 20s), crazy right? I never imagined life would turn out like this...I married the only man I have ever dated and it turned out to be a complete disaster. I feel bad for my kids the most, they are the real victims here. Their father didn't love them or me enough not to walk away from his family.

I have been single and celibate for over two years now but I'm tired of it now. I'm tired of being alone. I want to love and be loved. I want to have a connection with someone. I want that great feeling that comes with being in love.

I have considered having friends with benefits but I don't think I'm wired that way ( not like I have a lot of experience in the that department). I just don't think I can have sex with someone I don't feel anything for.

Another issue is the religious aspect, in the eyes of God, am I still married to my ex? Will God be angry with me if I go into another relationship? But don't I deserve to be happy to? The man in question already moved on...don't I deserve a fresh start too?

On the career front, I have not worked for a full year since I graduated from school. I have not been able to get a decent and stable job. This bothers me to no end...don't get me wrong. My children and I are comfortable but I don't really have any money of my own. I feel do bad when I see my old uni classmates working in the top firms and rising. Some of them were not even better than me then. So I keep wondering why all these things are happening to me, home front 0, career 0. I just want things to go my way...

I can't remember the last time I got a decent amount of sleep, so many thoughts in my head. Sometimes I just want freedom from all my worries and problems, I crave for peace...but I can't leave my children alone in this wicked or intentionally bring such pain on my parents and siblings who have been there for me. Most importantly too, I can't condemn myself to eternal damnation... So I'm just going to be here, taking one day at time and praying for a complete turnaround.

There's no perfect system or person. We all walk around covered in different apparel, so also does our burden differ. If you asked me, I'd say my biggest problem is "worry" while I'd take "Fear of the unknown" to be my greatest challenge. I wouldn't like to call it depression again as I've learnt to be positive about things now. But from what I went through, depressive moods should never be handled carelessly. It isn't just a result of LACK as we have many rich folks having their fair share of this nightmare.
It is however unfortunate that the word "Depression" is being used by many, making it difficult to know who is truly depressed from who isn't. it becomes a commonly used word even at the sight of very little problem. I do try to keep my private life (including family details and photos) off the internet owing to my nature. I am a very private person. Being private has its good and bad sides but it could be disastrous for someone with that nature to get entangled in a web of depression as one of the major tips to fighting it is "To talk to someone", preferably a health practitioner, psychologist or a counsellor. What you've been through shouldn't be prayed for by anyone but I need you to understand that you still have a lot to be grateful for. Just look outside your window, at that tattered looking beggar who isn't sure of where and when the next meal would come, look within your family, that person who is ready to give all just to have the same educational qualification that you boast of, and try to look at some of those old schoolmates though gainfully employed but still struggling to have a child of their own. They all have their silent battles. Ultimately, we all find ourselves in the battlefield while we still have the breathe of life. I'm not a religious person, in fact I go to church once in a very long while but I do believe that nature deals with each one of us differently. Just look at your own area of strength, things that you should be grateful for and you'd see that you should be the one to manage your problem and not the problem managing you. Marriage crises isn't peculiar to you alone and we have a lot of single parents around but your decision should be tailored to one end alone-To be there for Your Kids because NO ONE WILL. The thought of Mine (Fear for the future) was the only thing that slowly pushed me into that world, and surprisingly, that was the same thing that encouraged me to hold on to life. Nature did help me through a friend here on NL, and as young as she is, her words helped me through my healing process. Not completely healed though, but healed enough to grab another chance at what the uncertainty of life may put on my plate.
Talk to someone, Be Positive-Minded and Stay Strong.


*Modified* Have you ever wondered why cases of CKD have been on the increase? Unchecked BP. Not all patients suffering from kidney diseases consume alcohol or take drugs excessively. Worry is part of it. Unfortunately, the publicity isn't enough to make people aware of this

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alftdbts:
Please do not give any wrong information on this thread. Oga biko, na God I use take beg you. Have you read that part of the form very well, it has a, b, c. (been rejected visa, or denied entry). Don't redefine it cus it is clear to understand. Once you paid for visa and went for interview at any country's embassy but you were denied! That part affects you and you expected to state it clearly even if you don't know the reasons behind your denial. They re waiting patiently for that part and VOs just need you to lie and bye bye to your application and visa fee. So state every country. Even for US visa once you lie, it is finished. Cus the can see everything on their screen especially for it's still the same passport no:.

I have seen a VOs screen from a movie before, my dears it is full and filled with information. Much more that that of a bank teller. A lot of your profile/information pops up once your passport no:. is entered on their systems.

Go through all my post on NL, you won't find me insulting people neither will u see any of my posts where I've claimed to know what I do to know. I am. Not an expert on visa application related issues
The guy said he was denied visa before, he never said he was denied entry. These are two different things. And if you care to check visa application forms very well, they do ask if :
1. You have ever been denied visa before
2. If you have ever been denied entry before.

The above is clearly spelt out. And Apologies to you if you felt I misinformed the OP. I did not
however, if the applicant was asked if he has ever been denied visa OR entry, he'd have to give a honest answer. That's because of the "OR"
i hope that clears the issue bro

princeRomeo:
Good Morning Guys

I'm in the process of applying for a study permit in Canada , and I came across a question asking if I have been denied entry to any country ,
I have been denied a US visiting visa (B1) , does this question apply to me

"Visa Denial" is different from being "Denied Entry". If you were turned back at the point of entry, then you can click yes. But if it was only your visa application that was refused, I do not think that could count as being denied entry

nairalandbuzz:
No choice...

I caught three small rats in my house today after a long time I have used rat gum and the one attached is for mosquitoes in my room that works like magic...

Pls, what's d name of this device? And how much does it cost? Thanks

Alejoc:
MPS is suitable for your needs... Get in touch via 0806-531-6307

Are you on whatsapp? Kindly revert.

This is how rivalry starts... (read the story of Saul and David) before you know it, aides close to the president would have started whispering into Bubu's ears; claiming a thousand and one reasons to see Osinbajo as a threat. I think he was merely doing his job as the AP, not as a man trying to warm his way into peoples' hearts.

splmosixx:
Seriously?

Pls how do I go about It?

In person..... If i got the info correctly, you said MSc in Statistics. With prayers, something positive should come out of it.

You know what... No one has an answer for you on this platform. Each with his or her own experience(s). But I'd advice you to either wait a while to see if you can grow to love him, or you both move on. To be candid, its important to go into a relationship with someone based on LOVE. If you agree to date him now out of pity, you will be doing him injustice because you wouldn't be entirely truthful to/with him. Saying NO because you do not share the same feeling as he does doesn't make you a bad person. Sit him down and talk, perhaps, this is the time you can really be of help to him....by being HONEST. Let him know your position. He'll hurt, YES, but in the long run, he'd come to appreciate that. A lot of people will tell you otherwise but babe, I'm saying this for a reason.....Nothing as good as dating/marrying for LOVE...for the right reasons

splmosixx:
Baba God please answer my call o.....

Meanwhile I am desperately in need of job..abeg make someone help me oo... Msc statistics

Why dont u drop ur Cv with HR at Babcock

Ifesinachi22:
Please who's the man on red cap wearing glasses? I've been seeing more of him lately always with the red cap

One of those few controlling the Presidency. They are the unofficial GCFR

bedspread:
Hmmmmm

Hahaaaaaaa
Huuuuuuuuuu

All Pending and 1 F


Who gave Admission to University with this Result??

I can Begin to Imagine the kind of Senators we have in that House??

ODIEGWU!!

From President
What we have is
NO Result
Fake Result
Failed Result
And now
Pending Result

MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON ALL OF U

You can imagine, having such as a governor. The question is this, is the guy a graduate? If he is, how did he gain admission to study in that institution? If he was offered admission, did he meet the FULL REQUIREMENTS? It can only happen in naija. Right from HOS, to Ministers, and then Law Makers. PATHETIC!

kandi006:
Wrong caption, what is glorious about this painful death.. may thier souls RIP!

Thought I was the only one seeing that. The printer must definitely be out of his mind.

tsavde:
APC held their rally few days back and now they are stopping PDP from organising their own?

PDP had theirs before APC

wingmanII:
Withdraw security from a sitting governor because of elections in his state?
Was Oshiomole security withdrawn during the last gubernatorial elections in Edo state?
This is wrong.
So if there is state police, it means the federal and state police will fight. This IGP is so unprofessional, a bloody stooge!

Not taking sides here, but if you look at it, it appears Fayose has taken it too personal, even against his party members, thereby not promoting internal democracy before Eleka became the flag bearer. If you care to know, only a few individuals know the PDP candidate but many would perceive Fayose as the main candidate here. You need to ask why? He definitely has a motive. Away from his party, could you at least refer yourself to the treatment given to APC supporters ahead of the previous election. 3 days before the elections, what did Jonathan's PDP do? They displayed their federal might. It's unfortunate that people tend to be sentimental on this (that is not to say APC's abuse of power is right for our democracy) because the police already issued a warning against any rally and even Fayose was briefed. his reactions so far is a ploy to garner public sympathy, some will fall for it, some will not. Its just a lesson for all, FOUR YEARS is always within reach...not too far away. Another 4 years will come after this elections and a different game will be played.

maxiuc:


Fayose a Chief executive officer of a state withdrawal of his security aids is wrong

Fayemi what does he need security for which political office does he occupy

Let's get things straight

It is an internationally acceptable policy to offer state protection to top major candidates during elections. Not only in Nigeria or Africa, it extends beyond the continent