@ op, this is coming from one TTC to another.

Infertility is difficult to deal with and to add infidelity to it, it makes it a compounded problem.

Some questions to consider:

Have you found out the reason for your infertility?
Why is your husband bent on having a child outside regardless of the mum?
Is this to test his fertility?
On your infertility journey, who's putting more effort to it?
Have you seen a doctor who diagnosed your problem?


I see your husband as very selfish and someone who's not aware you two have a problem if he's willing to go all the way with an outsider. And even more disrespectful to want to do the act with your sister. Hes belittling you. Pls don't brush this under the carpet cos you mentioned you're going back to TTC thread? What do you want to achieve by going back to that thread. Pity party and pretend nothing happened and carry on TTC with yourself cos this man ain't on the same page with you, I'm sorry. You're on your own. My sister its high time you sat down and think of the next steps. I'm not going to say divorce him cos at the end of the day you will be the one carrying your cross and besides that you're 32 yrs old. Old enough to make life decisions by yourself.

And to the family members who referred to the biblical story, will they say the same thing if it was their daughter.

Don't hide behind infertility and think it's alright for your man to do as he pleases. Regardless of what your infertility problem is, it's the both of you who are battling not for someone to go behind you and start trying to solve his own problem, so if he solves his own problem, where does that leave you?

Ewuro, there've been many debates about telling children where they come from. Even people that have donated sperm or egg feel they have to tell the child. Some people believe in Epigenetics where the child start looking like them as a result of carrying the child even though scientifically it ain't theirs to start with.

With adoption I have to tell the child, the child can't even bear my surname because of religious stand on this. A child is named after the dad not after the adopted dad. So who am I fooling. Some people get away with this but as Africans there's always someone poke nosing somewhere that's the reason there's an influx of people believing they are pregnant from going to one local woman in the village and hereby being given children that was never theirs.

Until our views change as Africans then there will also be people cutting corners. Oyibbo go tell you wherethe child came from, will also tell u say na in husband dey suffer from MF sef in front of husband but are we ready as blacks to do same? No I don't think so.

Hmm back to bed to some round 2 sleep.

Have a nice day everyone!

Anyway that's my opinion on adoption, back to infertility, regarding infertility it could be male factor, female factor or unknown. I don't believe in that unexplained aspect cos there's always an underlying factor somewhere.

If a couple is suffering from infertility, they have to be on the same page. It's a challenge for any marriage because there's pressure from everyone.

Now back to your question, about what the options are, they are loads of options which have both advantages and disadvantages. With the donor issue, there are loads men which I can't even touch as I'm currently in a thread with older women going through it all from various parts of the world and there's surrogacy, there was a story about a woman refusing to give up the child. So couple are told all these options when they are TTC and like I said already they have to be in it together. A lot of couples aren't in it together and that's the reason the men play away game hoping and praying they will be successful likewise the women but who are they both fooling? Themselves. Always have a plan b, c up to z if possible.

Even though I suffer from it, I don't wish it on my worst enemy.

Why do you think most first borns don't belong to the man cos the women all go to different lengths to make sure they have kids. I would rather die than to cheat on someone. Who am I fooling? If most people go through this path then I believe the ones left without children will be the ones suffering from female or unexplained infertility.

Adoption is a very sensitive topic for someone suffering from Infertility, it's ok for y'll to sit here and talk about adopting because you all have children. We all want to experience child birth even if it's donated sperm or egg ( which is a no-no for me cos of my religion). We don't want to be left out and try different options until we get to the bottom of it all, until we have a success story.

Depending on where you are or live, adoption rules have changed. They've made it difficult for people to adopt. Presently in UK, it's tough, I tried no success in two different boroughs and gave up. I would rather put my money into the next tx and keep on trying than go for it. I'm sorry but that's my option.

It's up to the couple, pls don't use the story of the man cheating with his wife's sister as a pole to steer people to adoption. You gotta be ready for it, the couple have a bigger problem than infertility.

Yeah friends could advice me to go for adoption, sperm donor but at the end of the day the decision lies with me. I do what I'm comfortable with. I'm not asking anyone for money so I believe people should shove their opinions/advice where the sun doesn't shine. My two pence worth. Y'll can debate and debate but until you have suffered or suffer from infertility then I believe it's all talk.

thetruthnl:


Exactly you missed something because you are not familiar with these convent wiches....
quoting someone and laughing without giving any explanation when they asked why?well i will tell you,because she is among the few who keep it real,her opinion in another thread should not be carried over in every other thread and what amaze me is it happened weeks ago.

Imagine a woman calling another woman hypocrite just because she had a different opinion on a matter which does not in anyway concern them.That should tell you that these women are frustrated and angry...they just can't accept that we all can't have the same opinion on issues.A woman from a good home will know that it is wrong to slap an adult irrespective of who they are.

Chivalry you said,nahhh-it won't work with the species of women we have here,how many of them act ladylike? like i said you are not aware of many things...

And you're aware of many things. You're cussing out someone who you felt cussed out a fellow human being. Don't you think you're doing exactly the same thing. Correct the person and move on. Seems to me you have a vendetta against Bukatyne.

To be honest I still think some of these ladies here are hypocrites. The common denominator here is an evil MIL. The difference is the other MIL attacked the wife, in this case she sent her sons to do the work cos it's a man. So at the end of the day, an evil MIL is exactly that; evil.

I don't understand MILs to be honest, you've gained a son/daughter and yet they let envy take over their heart. What happened to live and let live, the world will be a better place without all of these wahala. Life is difficult as it is without bringing all of these in-law business into it.

@ oleayo, you do it after your period just before ovulation. Pls don't do it during your period coz of infection. All the best!!

No babes, the brides family decide where you do the traditional Wedding according to Yoruba rites. One it will be cheaper to do it over here as she's coming over anyways and I guess she'll be coming down with friends and family but in the case where the grooms family are all based in Naija, omo I no know o.

With mine, it was easier to do it in the UK cos we all live here and my husband's family were coming over anyways for the wedding. It would have been a big occasion in Naija so we did a very small one prior to the wedding and just hosted close friends and family on a Thursday night in a very small hall. To be honest, it's all down to the family and the logistics of it.

To those saying traditional wedding must be done in Nigeria, no. You can have it done anywhere.

This is such a bias thread obviously created by women who are loved by their MILs and you'll having a gripe at the women from other thread because of the comments they made is so immature of some of you.

People are shaped by their very own experiences. You can't use yours to judge other people. Every relationship is unique and people are different.

I still had an argument with my mum days ago and we were both sending messages back and forth expressing how we both felt. My mum can forgive me easily coz at the end of the day im her daughter, she can't throw me away. I can never have that sort of relationship with my MIL, but my MIL's sister she loves me to bits and I love her as well. So there it goes. What will you do if someone is hell bent on not liking you. Hate your guts so much and drives home each time you don't have a child and you wont be the only wife of her son. Sit there and smile and take it, curses you like it's the end of the world. I guess you won't want to have a relationship with that sort of woman. Anyways I'm done with the sort of thread. Women having a dig at other women and pretending they are high and mighty. Who made you lots judge?

Babyosisi, you've said it all. Take knuckles my sister. You analysed the whole situation. Great god u didn't solve the couples prob uve only compounded it by seeing things from your own PoV. I get on well with my MIL doesn't mean everyone else will get on well with theirs. And just because mama took care of the man, cleaned his faeces and all that doesn't mean she should come first. Abi no be person born the woman too or she fell from heaven.

Mil should stay in their corner and DIL in theirs. No Wahala for house. And also at the beginning I told DH to choose cos that woman is evil. Pure and undiluted evil.

Chai, see advice. You're suffering from recurrent pregnancy.

Have you tried the following:

Baby Aspirin to reduce blood clots
Clexane also does the same, thins the blood.
Progesterone Injection not the vaginal suppository, the injection goes straight to the blood stream.
Steroids incase your wife's immune is killing the embies, wife needs to be on this till week 12 of pregnancy.

Can't think of more but check on past post on infertility where I talked about immunes.

Hope this helps but it could also be male factor but your wife keeps on getting pregnant so not really sure if it's from your end as you're getting embryos.

What you can do:

How does your wife feel when it happens? Sore throat? Feverish? Cold? If she feels this way then her Immunes might be killing of embryos.

See a gynaecologist and see if you can be prescribed the above medication.

Lady G, I'm so sorry. I pray it works out for you soon.

Hi Everyone!

This is what our urologist recommended:

Tamoxifen to increase the testoterone. The ivf clinic recommended cllomid but the urologist was adamant and wanted DH to be on Tamoxifen. DH also started by being on the lower end of the level but he wanted hubby's level to be close to the upper level. To reduce his prolactin level he put hubby on antibiotics and this worked wonders. I'll see if I can get all these details but my brain no dey work like before. Hope this helps someone. Unfortunately I don't know much about azoospermia but from past experience, they normally take sperm surgically.

No, isn't the same story that was in Evening Standard earlier this year about the mum leaving the kids with the uncle but uncle refused to come over and was checking them now and then again. The said uncle later got arrested for neglect and the woman was stuck cos she getting her papers sorted out. Can't be a coincidence sha! I hope.

Umm twins, Salam! What day of the cycle did you do the test. FSH should be less than 11 between days 2 and 5.
If you've ovulated then you've have just been tested for progesterone only, but t from the look of your progesterone it seems you've ovulated already.

Oh shut up the poster above, saying women have no rights in Islam.

From where did you come up with the verses above?

2:228
And divorced women shall wait (as regards their marriage) for three menstrual periods, and it is not lawful for them to conceal what Allah has created in their wombs, if they believe in Allah and the Last Day. And their husbands have the better right to take them back in that period, if they wish for reconciliation. And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses, etc.) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect, etc.) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them. And Allah is All-Mighty, All-Wise

4:3
And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan-girls, then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (the captives and the slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice.

4:16
And the two persons (man and woman) among you who commit illegal sexual intercourse, punish them both. And if they repent (promise Allah that they will never repeat, i.e. commit illegal sexual intercourse and other similar sins) and do righteous good deeds, leave them alone. Surely, Allah is Ever the One Who accepts repentance, (and He is) Most Merciful.

HiLadies,

For those of you waiting for Af to rear its ugly head, this is what I normally do, grab your DH everyday and do the deed and also do acupuncture. It works wonder! Primulot or any form of BCP Delays my AF.

All the best for ladies cycling! Pray it goes well for you lot!

Lady G, have you ever thought of going to Brno in Czech Republic, Reprofit to be precise. They are quite good.

Meandhim, you mentioned about hubby being Azoospermic, u need a good clinic that deals with MFI as they would need to retrieve sperm surgically. Look for a clinic that has that option when looking up clinics.

Amen! double favour. I pray it goes well for you.

Double favour, you might not need PGD. How do you feel when you're about to miscarry? Could it be immunes? Some peoples immunes fight pregnancy, could be your white blood cells are on the overdrive. Do you always have cold around implantation?

If you do, you might benefit from Low dose aspirin, omega 3 fish oil, Prednisolone and Clexane. What of your vitamin D level? Have you ever have this tested? You might need to up your dosage on this as well? Not all miscarriages are genetic. It could just be your body fighting the embies.

India nko Pakistan ni! Pls don't fall for anything! You all better be careful!

Fttimayahooc,

What you need to do before going to any fertility clinic is to get rid of your fibroids. You need to see another doctor to get a second opinion and have a myomectomy to get rid of it.

Asalam Alaekun,

How can we contribute to this if based overseas?

Safe, na only u waka come! After all the running away you did. You no ask after me. Na embryo go develop in your uterus

Didi, contrary to most beliefs, sometimes women don't ovulate on day 21. You need to track to period. Get an ovulation stick, when you see a positive, you test 7 days afterwards. It's 7 days I'm quite sure of that, then you can now test for progesterone level. Some women need help with progesterone so you might or might not be one of them. So start a new cycle and monitor it your self. Hope this helps!!!

Bolatee, what of motility and morphology level?

Have a good week ladies!!

Lordavmercy, you want your tsh to be close to 2, preferably less than 2. Was this after taking Clovmid or before? IF after, wait after a while and test again. If before Dr might need to put you on thyroxine.

Itsettled, I'm looking at taking tamoxifen from a man's angle. If used with men, it's used to increase the testerone level, don't know much about women taking IT tho.

@ Olubankemi, look at it this way, if you do surgery it might get rid of the variocele and u conceive kiakia. ICSI means you use sperm that you can't really predict the quality especially if youre dealing with variocele. Take it to the Lord in prayer and he will show you the way out.

itsettled, tamoxifen will increase your testerone level, isn't that what you're trying to avoid with PCOS

Lordavmercy:
Hello to all sabi mamas in the house,I av been a silient reader on this thread for over a year and I can see GOD has been faithful to people. Pls I need urgent answer to some of my lab result and questions. Here is my blood test result I received somedays ago;
FSH-13.4
LH-17.9
Prolactin-16.2
TSH-7.01(T3-2.0 and T4-97.1)
Day 21 -progesterone-31.7ng/mol.
No block tubes frm my HSG result and hubby SA result was fine.am yet to do pelvic scan. Pls could this be PCOS? Any supplement to reduce d throid level?thanks in anticipation for ur useful response.

Lord have mercy your tsh is high, are you on thyroxine? It should be less than 2. Even fsh and lh are high too. Next time include estradiol in the test.

Where did you do the test?

Darlene these questions are for you


Are you on Metformin?
Do you suffer from blood clotting disorder I.e. Mtfhr

If no stick to th folic acid in your regular supplement.

Good evening Ladies


Pregnitude is good for PCOS, it regulates Period. Its main ingredient is myo-inositol. Don't know if they stock pregnitude in Naija tho.

For male factor it's always good to check FSH, LH, prolactin as well as the sperm.
Some men benefit from taking antiobitics or tamoxifen to increase testerone level.

@ wsfirstlady, Fertilaid shouldn't be taken if you have normal cycle. Pls my sister stop taking it.

I repeat FERTILAID shouldn't be taken by anyone who has a normal cycle. I read the reviews and realised that it isn't for me. Pls don't cause more harm to yourself.

Ladies, I hope you're all doing good!!

@ taiwolawal, I'm sorry but I'd rather go to an hospital than chat to an online doctor on whatsapp. Who knows? I could be chatting to my 17 yr old nephew pretending to be a doctor. Ladies, Pls don't fall into this trap. Mschew!!!

@ vivi pycnogenol is a supplement not a drug, can barely see the strength and hubby needs to be 200mg. It's a french bark and this was tested on some in France for 90 days, it's quite good but expensive. Solgar is the one that I know by heart that stock that strength. Hope u get what you are looking for.

Emioga,

Hmmm you have to be very smart about this. She has 4 houses and yet live off you two. You need to recruit your mum as well. Let your mum come over. Your type of MIL will never stand competition. Ignore her pettiness, all those silly things forget them.


One question I will ask is are you sure she has 4 houses? It might just be a front. If she does then omo you need to start planning. At the end of the day you need your own space too.

Start with your husband. You know his weak points, you know how you can get at him. Something drastic needs to be done before she can leave your house. BIL ignore him, it's youthful exuberance. A lot of things you will ignore. It might hurt but omo you don't want high bp. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I can't say much cos at the end if the day you're a WOMAN.