₦airaland Forum

chemberlin:
Sometimes I just wish and pray God givese the power to place curses on all his men that go around and fool people all because they want to get the little fund people have worked for ...I swear if I have the power I I'll place curses on them all cos they are among the reasons why this country is the way it is today...I don't blame the government all the time but I blame this men that calls themselves the Pastor's, Apostles and they still don't do what is right.

Excuzeme:
You are so wrong and so one-sided!

Let me use a few examples to illustrate how wrong your assertions are:

1.) take the case of divorced Nigerian couple and Divorced Western Couple:
In most cases, the divorced Western Couple (DWC) still maintain a level of decency between them. The ex-wife does not pick enmity with the new wife while the ex-husband can even play golf with the new husband. The dont see their "going separate ways" as a do or die affair! These set of people seem better to manage the "emotions' of a break-up

Now, take the Divorced Nigerian Couple (DNC) scenario: The divorce is so bitter that they remain an enemy for life. this enmity is even transferred to friends and other family members! The ex-wife must not see the new wife anywhere without making trouble, all her life, she blames the new wife for her divorce and seeks to do her harm, till she dies! She poisons the mind of the children against their father and more-so against the new wife of her ex-husband. these set of people seem not to be able to manage a break-up. It is CULTURAL.

2.) Again, let us see the case of Western Couples (WC) and our Nigerian Couple (NC) in a marriage setting:

In the Western Couple, the wife may be the primary bread winner in the family, it makes no difference since in most cases, all their expenses, from mortgage to groceries, is spent from a joint account (those who have lived outside Nigeria will attest to how the Government/Banks force you to have a joint account, without which Mortgage you can get). The WC dont fight over such things. In terms of Education, it is free so none of the couple can say "l educated you" with my money! If they are not married and live together, they both contribute to the cost of rent and Bills. The go to restaurants and both pay their way.

Now, come to the NC situation: The man is expected (culturally) to provide all financial requirement, even before he considers marriage! he is expected to pay bride price, which the WC dont pay (in some parts of Nigeria, the cost of that Bride price is enough to buy a house! ).
In a marriage setting, the "husband" is expected to provide all the money (even if the wife is working, its a matter of culture and honor!). Education is not free hence some parents see the husband as an "extension" of their parental responsibilities - he must "train" his wife and this cost much.
Another dimension is that the Nigerian wife is not able to manage "success", unlike her Western counterpart.
[b]While a Western woman will still maintain the "cultural, marital norms" in her marriage, even if she becomes wealthier than her husband, the Nigerian wife see her "new financial status" as a sort of "Liberation and Power to revolt".

She sees it as an opportunity to "turn the table" and "re-order the cultural and marital norms" of the marriage.
She does this in the most arrogant and audacious manner, daring the man to do his worst!

What she forgets is that marriage is like a CONTRACT, it is consummated with an "UNDERSTANDING OF THE APPLICABLE RULES AND NORMS", based on the cultural environment (Nigerian) the couples embrace.
Problem starts when the woman runs into MONEY/POWER and then seeks to change the "status-quo" or "Terms and Conditions" of the marriage contract!
The Husband naturally, will say NO!
More-so, the change which the wife seeks, is ALIEN to their culture.
But notwithstanding, because of where she is (America), she is able to FORCE her wish on the husband, and even goes further to PUNISH him by stripping him of all his assets and his dignity.
The end -result is why some Husbands take law into their hands.[/b]

So, the problem is not that of the Nigerian man but that of the Nigerian Culture, which most women (and their parents) seem to enjoy and buy into, only for the woman to want to "change the contract", once she is in the Western world.

BTW, Men need to understand that the "Standard Nigerian wife" is long-gone!
The world is a global village now and the women in Nigeria are actually worse (in this regard) than their counterpart born into the "Western Culture".
A Black Woman born and bred in America grows up with the American culture (including respect for anyone carrying a gun! ).
Such women cannot stand a Black man born and bred in Nigeria, due to the cultural differences.
Such women MUST marry from the pool of Black men (if they chose Black) in their environment

Same goes for the Nigerian man born and bred in Nigeria. He should marry form the pool of Nigerian women..... but he must KEEP HER in Nigeria!
The problem arises when he carries his Nigerian culture abroad, (He is still a Nigerian man, mentally and psychologically), then in other to continue to perpetuate his Nigerian mentality/Culture in his new domain, he erroneously think it will work-out if he IMPORTS and marries a Nigerian woman (who is a Nigerian, psychologically and mentally) into the new domain.
The "Imported wife" then realise that she can CHANGE her culture, change the norm of the marriage, by ADOPTING the CULTURE of her new domain, to the chagrin of the Husband who still holds dear to his Nigerian culture (since that is what he hopes to live by, upon importing a Nigerian wife).

Solution: if you want to live abroad, marry a woman born and bred there. It wont guarantee you "anything better" but it will ensure you know what you are getting into, from the onset, so that you are not duped in your marriage contract, as the imported wives like to do.

addictiv:
I wonder why the guys don't learn. This thing keeps recurring and the best way to save urself headache and heartache is to sign a prenuptial agreement which protects your assets. Esp when u have gotten them before you marry. Do not buy that "you are wishing for divorce" and "I am not like others" rants usually coming from the bride and her family. Do not give room for any form of exploitation or emotional blackmail, cos that may just be your undoing.

makelove2m:
Good shaah but many children where out of school, why can't he pay his host state children school fees for one year

mnairaland:
Pls as a matter of principle and I don't ever insult people.

And if I will ever insult people it wont be because they have an opinion that differs from mine.

I learnt many years ago that the mature thingh to do is to counter,disprove,or attack people opinion and not their person in an intellectual discource or debate.

I will appreciate it if you refrain from casting aspersion at me whenerver you wish to contradict me.

It would have been better if you had left out the clause "go get a life."

The vast majority of home- based Nigerian men aspire to marry Nigerian women. They already made that decision long long before they were opportuned to go abroad.That has always been their dream.

Also, vast majority of home based Nigerian men, see it as a normal thing to improve the lot of their families by educating their children and , if neccessary, thier wives.Its a mindset.

In addition,their is a particular way,families who live in Nigeria operate.

When an home-based Nigerian goes abroad.He sees the marriage structure abroad as being aberrant,wrong and improper.

The primary reason they return home to get wives is because they want to marry a Nigerian and possibly one of the same tribe as them and they want their family to be structured the way it is structured in Nigeria.

Here in Nigeria, men rule thier homes, children and wives.

So, it is not because those men seek a cash cow that they chose to come back home to get a bride.It is because they wsnt to marry a Nigerian and especially one they can rule.

The central issue here is that the imported wife refuse to be ruled which led to the creation
of a miriad of problem.The central issue here is not cash.You will see that if you carefully read inbetween the lines.

The consequence is that home-base Nigerians who have never lived abroad ,on reading this may experience a change in mindset. This means that when such have a cause to go abroad they may decide to:

1. not take their wife with them,if married.
2. Jilt their Nigerian fiancee, on going abroad.
3. deliberately not do anything to enhance the professional growth of any woman they import or even secretly work against their growth just to have them them under control.

The op may not affect Nigerian women who are born abroad or who went abroad on their own; but it definitely affect those that are still at home in Nigeria.

Now, no thanks to the op, the eyes of home-bases Nigerian men has been opened without having gone abroad.

falopey:
No. The moral of the story is don't bother to come to Nigeria to pick a wife. Pick a wife there in America.

Many Nigerian wives realize their "potential" once brought to the US. Some of them do worse thing to their husband even more than what an American woman would do. Just to prove a point to their husband that they are no more in Nigerian system where husband has upper hands. So they over do it and drive their husband crazy.

It's more hurtful to be hurt by someone deliberately hurting you to get at you than someone doing it not because she wants to get back at you for anything but just doing it because it's what entails in the system.

abumoney:
Keep quiet and go use ur Time 4 something meaningful. U fit even go pick beans, or u go fetch water from river to irrigate Sambisa

lakesider:
I won believe this man until el rufai dies

ednut1:
any woman without a job or business should be banned from marriage .marriage is not a poverty alleviation program

olumidazz:
Which value naira get again. This is a case of dead body get accident confusion break bone, na double wahala for deadi body and the owner id deadi body

StunchLord:
One thing I understand is that there is nothing like hell and I doubt if such a place exists cause I can't comprehend why a loving, compassionate father would wish such a place for his children.
Why do you worry about the end of the world? Why didn't the world end last year? What about other planets, is our world, I mean earth, so important for it to decide the fate of the rest of the universe? What about unborn kids? Is this sermon about the end of days not been on for many years? You believe in the bible and is convinced it's the one and only truth? What makes you think God would act according to the principles of the bible, the same bible operating on double standards? God is highly unpredictable. Whether you are a sinner or a saint, there is no guarantee of a blissful eternal paradise for you.
At least the death of unborn kids show how wicked and inhumane the biblical God could be.

walemoney007:
see the way an African man is thinking like oyinbo

By the time this witches handle you,you will start running from MFM to cele,and that's if you are lucky not to be killed
Africa is not Europe
Europeans are not Africans

Ariani:
ugly girls always think they have an opinion