₦airaland Forum

All dis old recycled joke (might b new to some fellas)..d ones i usually drop are new & d-o-p-e.read some below

So yesterday, a bros came up to me and handed me 5K, I was so happy when he told me that it's my christmas gift.
Quickly I went to a store to buy some goodies.
Now, I've spent nearly half of the cash when my mum woke me in the night and said 'Oya, Tunde where is the money Uncle Femi was owing me, he said he gave it to you'

DAD: What's 10 plus 10?
AKPOS: I don't know.
DAD: Idiot! You can't answer
such a cheap
sum...Your stupidity will kill
you.
AKPOS: Daddy, if you saw a
1000 naira note and a
500 naira note which would
you pick?
DAD: 1000 of course
AKPOS: Idiot! Can't you pick both? Poverty will kill
you.

Akpos was owing his landlord,
3years house rent.
Akpos always come back at
nights and he will sneek through
the window and enter his room
every night. The landlord could not be able to
get him at day time, so he
decided to call him on phone.
grin......grin.....grin....., that is akpos phone ringing.
Akpos noticed that it's his
landlord that is calling him on
phone.
Akpos changed his voice and he
picked-up the call.
Akpos: Hello....this is
"G.S.M"....General-Service-mochuary..
If you need an ambulance press 1.
If you have a dead body with you
press 2.
If your mother is dead and you
want us to send an ambulance to you press 3.
If you your child is dead press 4.
we also have many seize of
coffin,
To get one for your self press 5.
Or press 0 to talk to one of our costomers representative's.
Landlord: abeg na wrong number
oooooo.

Akpos read from cover to cover preparing for his entrance examination. His father came to his room and saw him reading.
FATHER: Akpos, make sure you pass that exam otherwise just forget that I'm your father!
AKPOS: Sure thing dad, I'm bound to bring smiles to your face.
5 HOURS LATER...
FATHER: So my son, how was your exam? I'm sure u passed it excellently...
AKPOS: Sorry excuse me, do I know you?

Kudos to op sha

#BIGWIG nairaland joke contender

Biko pdp,apc & d rest,shift abeg

Omondi, goes into a doctor's office. The doctor, a Mr Golongo says,
"Oh, Mr. Omondi! We have the results of your test.
Do you want the bad news first or the very bad news?"
Omondi, shrugs and says, "Well I guess I'll have the bad news first."
"Well the bad news is, you have 24
hours to live," the doctor replies.
Omondi is distraught, "24 hours to live? That's horrible! What could be worse than that? What's the VERY bad news?"
Dr Golongo then folds his hands and sighs, "The very bad news is...I've been trying to contact you since yesterday...".

#BIGWIG

Eze Promoe: [color=crimson]^^^ Why won't it be a waste of time when you are drunk with APC urine [/color]

u sound so convincing as if u were d 1 dat organized d urine.

#BIGWIG.

If I ate beans for a whole day I still wont give a poo.

berem: what has agbero party got to do with the killing of the innocent boys? Na wa for you! .

dis 1 ur defending d agbero's i guess ur 1 of dem ni..

Buh seriously eh,How can a grown man wake up in d morning, bathe, wear suit & tie, carry briefcase ...just to go & read newspapers at a vendor stand? How?

#BIGWIG.

Space reserved

Hbd sir,that been said Dear God, I want many things for Christmas but one thing that is at the top of the list is: I want the person reading this to remain alive over the Christmas and enter 2014 in good health and sound mind.amen

Love nairaland & its fellowers ni

#BIGWIG

Being dead broke is the root of all evil.paw paw kudos

Mtshww,no b say d tin big self .

Sexy Ghanaian actress, Juliet Ibrahim recently added music to her glowing career. In a chat with HVP, the screen goddess disclosed that she has already done two singles that will make up her first album.

She also, disclosed plans to go into full time movie production in no distant time.
It would be recalled that Juliet Ibrahim is one of Ghollywood A- list actresses whose profile is steadily on the rise. She came to the limelight after starring in the movie, ‘Crime to Christ’ few years back.
Recently, she delved into movie production with her much awaited movie, ‘The Number One Fan’ which she premiered two months ago. On her new project, Juliet said, she has a new movie in the pipeline titled, “Hidden.”

The post Juliet Ibrahim turns singer! appeared first on Vanguard News.

Source http://htl.li/2Cjl9F

Here http://www.google.com

Wow kudos to him,making Nigeria proud....click like if u no he will perform well come Brazil

She cried her eyes out & yet she no blind

Pakonte: i got a job on thursday but not tru nairaland

bebe ni,who asked u??.

#BIGWIG

Dear heart. Please stop getting involved in everything, your job is to pump blood and that's it & Kudos to my mum,any other lady out there looking for emulation should go get married & av kids cos she ain't getting any from me.

NnamdiN: What exactly are we niggers looking for in this thread?

dude abeg answer dat dump question afterall u b man (according to nairaland).

Austeenx: [color=orange]Her bööbs are calling me, but I am gonna act like I am deaf.[/color]

ode,u no want versline?? .

Congrats uglystboy

Hehehe,how come i perceive another divorce..well na him problem sha,& if u would like to know FRANK i am not wishing u HML cos u wasted d 1st 1


in another news Having flogged him for his poor performance in an English language test.

TEACHER: You are just such a dummy! You can't even make a simple sentence in your test.

Bigwig: Haba aunty!

TEACHER: Shut up! Ok make a simple sentence with 'mad'.

Bigwig: Our aunty is mad.

#BIGWIG

Please,d evil dead is enough..nawa o..by d way,i av sumtin non scary..read below

First day in an english lecture

Akpos sat sorrowfully, listening while the
lecturer keep playing with only few words " at hand and yes of cuz" the
lecturer will make a sentence and end it with at hand.. Yes Of cuz.
The lectured notice Akpos sad and said..Apkos make two sentence that
will end with "at hand" and "yes of cuza"?
....
.Akpos thinking......
..
.
.
Lecturer looked the lost Akpos and said..., hurry up Mr man and what
ever you say will hold ground.I will stick to it.!!!!!
....
...
..
.Hear Akpom.
Sir! What shall it profit ASUU to call off the strike when its few days to
christmas? Now the kingdom of Christmas is at hand, I hope we shall
write the exams with our books at hand...
The whole class reponded with..off cuz..

#BIGWIG

jeamie: Tnk God I made d first page.

oga d tin never reach fp naa,so relax

Monday for now is still far for me to start ranting with dis agbero boys.up gunners

So Nairaland don turn car depot

Cossy abeg if u like make u sell human dickx & ladies punnay,even If I ate beans for a whole day I still wont give a shiit

abeg I was in a car travelling to lagos so the girls in front of me were discussing

Mary: kate u cant believe were we spent the holidays last month

Kate: pls tell me about it

Mary: we took a plane to France, we were in first class, i was "sitting close to the pilot", they were serving us many things like cake, meatpie, soft drinks, palm wine, suya, roasted yam,etc. later heat was cashing me so i had roll down the window, then i started to see everybody on the ground, i saw our house, i even saw that your brother

Kate: that means u enjoyed alot on the plane oo

Mary: yesoo

Kate: we too travelled to canada the journey was sweet if not for d time the plane tire less so we had to park and call mechanic to change it, later there was go slow, our pilot came out and started shouting for other planes to move, another time fuel finish one of the waiter had to take jerry can to go and buy..

#BIGWIG

saemmanuel: on point

asusual

THESE ARE BASICALLY 7 TYPES OF GIRLS THESE
DAYS.

1. HARD DISK GIRLS: Remember everything for
ever, they'll always come back for good time.

2. RAM GIRLS: Forgets about you the moment
you turn her off or an upgrading version of
your hardware/ software is available.

3. SCREEN SAVER GIRLS: Just for looking,
beautiful but don't even think of dating
them, you'll have high blood pressure, not
their fault but it's due to popular demand.

4. INTERNET GIRLS: Difficult to access because
of many pages involves to browse. At times
the webpages are not accessible due to
multiple log in over different I.P address.

5. SERVER GIRLS: Always busy when needed
but server is always green.

6. MULTIMEDIA GIRLS: They are always
available for any show down, party riders, all
night movers, their phone works better than
MTN customers service, taxi is their favorite
car and love to take pictures at every hotel
rooms and call it home.

7. VIRUS GIRLS: These type of girls are
normally called
"WIFE" once enters in your system, they will
spread and overwrite your anti-virus and
dominate all your important files, they will
download files that are not retrievable and
upgrade it toa new version after nine
months and creating more applications for
you to start working with such as changing
your system name to ''father'', the VIRUS
GIRLS comes in just two versions, either to
upgrade or downgrade, choose wisely when
choosing this software,they don't leave even
after formatting......

#BIGWIG

On the 12th day of christmas my FB gave to me

12 babes am blocking
11 snubs deleted
10 funny DP's
9 busted barbies
8 friends complaining
7 stalkers stalking
6 contacts pending
fiiiiiiivee rubbish groups
4 ugly chicks
3 boring guys
2 friend request
And a creep who won't stop pokeing meee!!!!!

Just imagine d type of thread making fp..nairaland pls don't lose ur glory cos we love u *sobs*.

#BIGWIG

I love kids with great ambitions no b like all does warri boys wey dey find who to kidnap.

#BIGWIG

[quote author=Barnabas_Co]This made frontpage..[/quote]oboy even if they create dis thread 100x,it will make fp..funny mods i tell u

pls guys don’t start an argument with a girl because they all have 45030194 GB memories and will bring up something you did at 14:27PM on 23/04/2008

#BIGWIG.