₦airaland Forum

'Ka lo aso mo idi, ka lo idi mo aso - sebi kidi ma ti gbofo ni!'

They can stay for as long as they want. Though I expect them not to abuse the privilege.
Particularly in old age, they need someone to take care of them. I will never place either of our parents in an old people's home.

Never had a problem with sleeping at night on the same bed with a baby, and they didnt complain about sleeping in the the cot too as they usually sleep in it during the day.

Its saddening the things people do in the name of God.

@poster
You definitely need to seek the advice of your parents (particularly your dad) on the issue. Also look for someone on his side of the family who is responsible and has enough influence on your husband to bring some pressure to bear on him. With his abusive tendencies I would suggest you prepare for separation, so as not to put you or your kids in harms way.

Like someone said earlier, if you want privacy stay single!!!

The fact that your spouse has the right to every inch of your life does not mean he/she should abuse that right. If not acting inappropriately, you should not feel violated if your spouse answers your phone in your absence ( or is there something about you that you don't want them to know).

If you feel your spouse answering your phone is disrespectful, then I am truly sorry.

Its quite funny how people go on about their mobile phones as if they were born with it. Not so long ago, the bulk of telephones were land lines. Would you have restricted your spouse from answering the phone at all, or gotten separate lines?

You can defend your turf with your bf/gf, but with your spouse, keeping certain aspects of your life private, or tagged restricted area, will do more harm than good.

The thing go hard o! u nearly make your hubby miss the huge soccer game: Bray Wanderers v Galway United

It should be done on a case by case basis. Its difficult to generalize for every pairing.

A man should work towards being able to provide for his family without needing financial support from his wife. Still the wife should contribute as much as she is able as it will likely improve the standard of living of the family.

Most problems come from men who want to share the bill without relinquishing interest e.g.  later on start going on about 'my house' or 'my car' like if the woman has no say in it.

I believe in an open financial policy in marriage (not necessarily a joint account) in which initial income into the family is combined and jointly allocated, including funds for discretional disbursement by either party.

michelin89:
Any man who always says "my mummy", "my mumsy", "my mum" instead of my mother is a mummy's pet and should be avoided like plague.

and of course, any lady that says "my daddy", "my dad", "my pop", and/or "my popsie" instead of my father is a daddy's pet and should be avoided like pestilence

ariblaze:
i thought

if your biological clock stops ticking

you die , no?

babycool:
My bro, I was thinking the same 

untainted:
me too

I dey sure sef

tpia:
a responsible woman wont aim to become the kind of mother in law who interferes in her kid's lives all the time. If they need help of some sort (and ask for it) thats different.

I think a part of the problem comes from defining 'interference' and 'responsibility'. One party sees it as the former, while the other sees it as the latter.

Most women are less inclined to share the men in their lives (father, husband, children). Add the preconceptions both parties bring to the table, and the relationship is headed for a still birth.

Of course the actions of the son/husband would go a long way in letting each know their jurisdiction, which should rarely overlap.

so what is the cutoff point for being short?

ammamat:
when piple talks about education, I do ask this question. Is it all about the cetificate or what u have upthere?
How about piple that can write, speak but they dont have that sheet of peper, how do we call those ones?
Are they still uneducated or do they have where they fall in?

There is a difference between being literate and being educated

Husband Material:
It may be different in Nigeria but one of the first things I look for is a man that is not still living in his mothers basement, unless he is saving up for a house.

A man with a job, good paying job, a job that pays more than or almost as much as mine.

A man that pays his bills on time

A man with good credit.

A man that is faithful

A man that see the value in me

A man that is romantic

A man that loves, adores and treats his mom with the highest respect (the way he treats her says how he will treat me)

A man that does the above to his sisters

A man that understands I am independent and also dependant

A man that understands I too have a voice and respects that voice

A man that stands behind his decisions and deals with whatever fall out there is behind them.

A man that respects me ALWAYS

A man that would never dream of disrespecting me in my presence or behind my back.

A man that can cook and clean

<scores 15/15>
A few on the list require reciprocal behavior. Remember, to whom much is given, all is expected.

bonnez:
it can never happen. you think america is like Nigeria and their GSM problems? it can never happen, their technology's superb. you can never dream of soiling into it.
so stop being curious

baka! you just couldn't resist saying something idiotic.

Theoretically I don't mind, practically e go hard

So far the OP hasn't substantiated anything negative against the bf. For all you know, it might just be your imagination.
If you are expecting him to forget his ex, don't get your hopes high - once been to mecca, always an alhaji.
At least he has kept you informed.

If d slap hot well well, (o la la!) my broda, things go plenty wey u wan do, but kiss no go dey among

I beg disown the fella - arrant nonsense.

Its irritating that you entertained the thought of you being guilty by your actions. The useless guy disrespected himself by cheating on you. Now he is trying to avoid the accusations by going on the offensive.

IMO the risk is always too high to continue in a relationship with an unfaithful partner. You should have dumped him the first time he misbehaved.

BTW if I ever hear again that you as much as remember his birthday, I go personally come discipline you. It should be good riddance to very bad rubbish.

tpia:
I think you just want to argue for the sake of arguing.
In the olden days, names were descriptive, so different generations of the same family didn't necessarily have the same names. Many of the names we're calling surnames today , were some ancestor's first name which he was given at birth.
A name like Ifatoyinbo, for instance, rose out of some special circumstances which the family considered before giving it to the child.
Most people rarely ventured too far from their villages back in those days, so having a surname wasnt as necessary as it is now.
Iyaafin and omidan werent used in the sense of Mrs and Miss as you're trying to imply.

Its not an argument, though it seems that you are missing the crux of my presentation.

The crux is not about the source of the name or family descriptor, but rather that the wife is assimilated into the husband's family in a patriarchal society, and thus the wife's adoption of the husband's surname is a continuation of this tradition (even though explicit surnames weren't available then).

It seems your position is based on the technical definition of surnames, while I prefer broadening it as part of the general process of assimilating the wife into the husband's family.

Anyways, to each his own. We all view life through our own paradigms.

@Poster
Best of luck

[quote author=~davidylan link=topic=245160.msg3586336#msg3586336 date=1236879291]your surname must be foreign for you to like it so much.[/quote]boke!

tpia:
sorry, you're wrong.
Surnames were introduced to Africa.  People didnt commonly bear last names prior to colonization. Neither did women have the title "Mrs". Rather, they were more likely referred to as mama somebody. I'm not sure about northern Nigeria or Muslims, but for the pre-Christian south, this holds true. Especially with the rampant slavery, warfare and whatnot going on.
rather than surnames, what people most likely used were place of origin, tribe, village, or birth identifiers like feet first, six fingers, location of the umbilical cord, etc.
If you have statistics to the contrary, then lets see them.

I said 'the notion of surnames or any form of family identification'. A surnames or last name is a family descriptor/identifier. The writing of surnames came after colonization (required being lettered), but the practice of a family having a descriptor far precedes it.

Family identifiers were usually based on the occupation or religious practices of the family. For example, in the southwest, the ayan's were drummers. A man was allowed (or sometimes required) to continue the family name, particularly when the family plays a key role in the societal structure e.g. a spiritualist, but most often was free to adopt his own name as a descriptor for his family.

A married woman was described by her first name, followed by the husband's chosen family identifier. For example, Ifedayo the wife of Ayanwole or Ifedayo a wife in the house of Ayanwole. Often the wife's first name is dropped, and she is addressed solely as the wife of another e.g. the wife of Ayanwole. She is not addressed by her maiden family descriptor e.g. her father's name.

Children also adopted the father's defined family descriptor.

In the southwest (not sure of the east), using her first child's name to reference a married woman is an informal way of addressing her, and implicitly requires she has children.
While there were no Mrs. or Miss, the Yoruba society had identifiers for a married woman (Iyaafin) as opposed to a single lady (omidan).

The use of birth circumstances was (and still is) for first name purposes.

Tribal origins were identified by using tribal marks

phone call -rwx-
SMS        -rwx-

abi u get something to hide

@poster
Na wa o! so d guy chop u finish, clean mouth, na im u come dey make list like student wey dey for boarding school. pele

Most are in the ball park.

Correcting online yoruba grammar is difficult. Its better you find a speaker locally.
Post your location and see if someone will be willing to help you in person.

not really.
There is a difference between 'no' and 'NO'

tpia:
the real question should be when did surnames start in Nigeria. And by extension when did women start bearing their husband's surnames. I'm sure the practice started within the last 100 or so years.

I'm not against a woman bearing her husband's surname but as usual una wan carry matter for head too much. You people dont have to feel threatened everytime a woman demonstrates an opinion.

The notion of surnames (or any form of family identification) has been in existence in all societies for several centuries.
In patriarchal societies, as is common in most parts of Africa, the wife is assimilated into the husband's family and thus inherits the name (or surname or reference) of the husband.

Keeping your fathers name might be interpreted by some to reflect a deeper notion of not being fully assimilated into the marriage and trying to cling to a level of independence.

Personally, my wife can't keep her maiden name, because most women I know with compound names are more of the 'independent woman' types and seem less committed to their marriages.

Its the norm and I feel tradition should be respected.

Dubious Yoruba name:

Babanibeko - father says it is not so
The name arises when the father disputes the parentage of the child. It is usually shortened to Beko to protect the child from societal scorn (as this is a common shortened form for other names like Bekolari).