₦airaland Forum

@OP
and where is the fun in that? Its like asking if you would like to know ahead that you are getting a surprise party.

For me its not about the details of the implementation. For either of my parents (and in-laws), I would always do what I feel is in their best interest, and give them priority over myself. It doesn't mean that they have to be at home with me, but as long as that is the best thing for them, I will do it. My parents placed my well being ahead of theirs, and I will do same for them.

As for issues with mother-in-laws staying with one, my paternal grandmother has been living with my parents (and still does) prior to my birth. At no point has anyone thought of having it otherwise. Its not always like the horror stories one hears.

[quote author=Ebony-Silk link=topic=252744.msg3670773#msg3670773 date=1238531829]It helps a lot, thanks.

@ the bolded
But what makes you think that the water coming out of my tap would be same all the time?

Busted pipe can change the quality of the water, so can leakage.

Would the result of the tests stay constant?[/quote]The water  facility usually has a defined process and metrics for the water distributed, and thus for the main part the quality of the water leaving the facility is assured. They also monitor the distribution systems for faults (leakages), contaminants, and sabotage.

The plumbing that is of concern is in your building or apartment, since depending on the age of the plumbing you could have rusting, or leeching problems.  A busted pipe rarely leads to contamination under constant availability of water, as the greater pressure exercised by the water in the pipe restricts inflow of contaminant from outside.  Also if the pipe is busted,  the drop in pressure and leakage should help easily identify and rectify the problem. Good building practices ensures that source and waste lines are not run in parallel.

The water test helps to detect more subtle effects from corroding of the pipes, which should be policed by regular inspection practices, but could sometimes sneak under radar due to evident problems of government policing. The result of the test should be as close to the composition from the facility as possible. It is not supposed to be a once in a lifetime endeavor, but rather something that can be used to complement the policing efforts of the utility company.

Note: One major risk with bottled water that I failed to cite earlier, is contamination by humans. There have been several cases in the past of disgruntled employees and other societal miscreant, injecting contaminants into bottled water using tools like syringes, and in the worst cases, direct infusion at the bottling plant (before the sealing process). As a minor precaution, please always check that the bottled water (or any bottled drink) is air tight by simply inverting it and applying pressure.

bluespice:

be still my heart!
which part of being under the influence of a mind-controlling substance and being lured into a 'marriage' that in the span of 15 years has produced 6 kids sounds like a successful and happy marriage?

did u miss out on the 'iya something something go and bring my food now!' bit?

Don't make the guy out to be the evil one. He made his intentions well known, the girl tried to play smart and got herself out smarted (awuf dey run belle).
There is no way that she can continue in the marriage being in full grasp of her senses, running of with the kids is out of the question given, her condition and that she has no means to cater for them or herself, and, abandoning the kids is totally inhumane. Only way out is to revert back to your previous state of ignorant bliss and take you medicine as a good girl.

huxley:
I think the divorced woman should remain single in order to avoid contaminating other men with the sin of adultery. "Afterall, she has had had children by her first husband". What does she need sex now for. In fact, my advice to her is this - have a clitorectomy and you will be fine. This is what Jesus said:

Luke 16:18
Every one who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.

The question was can she sleep with her first husband?

bluespice:
are u for real?
u have been forced to marry n become a baby machine for 15 yrs
u gain ur sanity n wil throw it away because "its too late to do anything else"?

LOL
If I have had a successful marriage and a good home under the guise of the jazz, am up for a life time renewal.

ask for a renewal of the jazz for another 15yrs. (its too late for any other viable option)

Depend on whose point of view

To the first wife - husband snatcher
To the newest wife - the love of the man's life
To the man - latest conquest
To a casual bystander - second wife.

Na wa o! so many prophets, dreamers. soothsayers, necromancers et al. 
The amount of insight some people have, given the few sentences the girl posted is amazing.
There is insufficient info to start inferring that the guy is a saint, loser, gold digger and whatever (someone even went as far as saying the guy needed a visa!)

IMO
If you are in a position to help someone (and there is no evidence to suggest that the action would put the genuine interests of others at risks), it behooves you to do so.
If you do decide otherwise, that's your prerogative, given you have a right on how your resources are allocated.
If you would like to get revenge on an ex, am sorry to say, you are acting like a solid bitch.

@poster
Could you please be more specific or provide an example.

In my neck of the woods (or rather rain forest), culturally, it is wrong to speak ill of the dead. This is far from your accusation of praising the dead irrespective of their virtues or vices when alive.
Praising of a departed soul is an individual choice. Sad as it may seem, no matter how evil a person may seem in the eyes of most, a few will still see them for a saint.

I dont think pastors or the church should be involved in any form of business.

Outstrip:
Did your mother sleep with you strapped to her back. Mcheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew. My mother did not carry me on her back so I don't know where your expert opinion came from. Just ran in here and started talking off point.

That was quite polite of you. Those definitely wouldn't have been my choice of words.

On a royal pursuit, I am barred by the high tides: the king's edict cannot be flouted, and yet I dare not brazenly dive into the river

As sad as your situation is, I will not be quick to condemn your parents for their actions. They took the decision based on the information available to them, and, for all intent and purposes, they likely had your best intentions at heart feeling that the man would be able to meeting your need and make a good home. If you don't mind my asking, what is the age gap between your parents? as these might have also affected their overlooking the age difference issue. Anyways that his done already, so there is no point in crying over spilt milk.

As per your ex (or any other interests), forget him. There are many valid reasons for him having a selfish agenda, and even if he is genuinely in love with you, the complications that would arise from you divorcing and marrying him would likely be too much to bear. His own family will likely not support his marrying you and I doubt your parents (especially your dad) would approve also. Most importantly, your kid would also be caught up in the whole palaver. Please put all your effort into making the best of your marriage.

I do appreciate the challenges that generational gaps can put up against finding the sparks (forget about fireworks for now) with a loved one, and the additional problems of dealing with a man above 40 who is more or less set in his ways (like reinforced concrete). Add the Nigerian factor of 'I am the man, and am always right' to it, and you are really up against it. As bad as it sounds, it is not hopeless. I know of a couple in a similar arrangement and they have made quite a success of it.

I am glad that you said that your husband loves you, and tries his best to make you happy. This gives you a foundation on which to work on ( I cant imagine the alternative). Despite being married, you need to go through the courtship process with your husband. You need to get to know him for who he is, and let him appreciate you for who you are. Do not look for the pros of a youthful spouse in him, as you would likely be disappointed, but rather see him for what he has to offer given his age and likely maturity. You might have to start from a pseudo father-daughter relationship to overcome certain restrictions in communication. Focus more on what he has, and less on what he lacks. They key is to find the things you love about him.

ezinne1212:
This is sad, but what's worst is that[b] i doubt you're strong enuf not to maltreat that girl if she come to ur house[/b]. Pray over it, and i hope you do the rite thing. Goodluck!

and what gives you that impression?

ajekpaks:
my brother, but na April we dey enter now. Abi you just Hammar, I seriously dey look for free bottles,

anyway me too na May guy on the 18th

Nice company you have on that date including the late Pope John Paul II, and Pastor SBJ Oschoffa of the Celestial Church

Possibly am not familiar with the tool being referenced, but I thought the street view was just an archive of still images. I don't see what the problem is with this, after all , its not like if they are monitoring you.

Please don't let your perceived above-the-rim, rebound-status cloud your judgment. I suggest you cutoff all his more-than-friends privileges (kissing and what not). The fact that he introduces you as a friend is bad enough. Can't possibly imagine that the useless fellow is possibly hoping to go farther in the near future. Place a perma-ban on his hand and lips (and any other errant limbs) with immediate effect and automatic alacrity.

'Action speaks louder than voice' is a lame excuse for his non-committal attitude. If you continue along this path, his final action will be to send you an invitation to his wedding. Even if he is too shy to bring up the topic, he should be man enough to answer a simple yes/no question.

If he does declare his intentions, and they are found indeed to be honorable, the religious issue should be addressed openly by both families ASAP. You should have a discussion with his parents on the issue and understand where they stand (don't take his word for it). Also your parents should have a similar discussion with him, so that all are clear on the expectations. Religious differences can be a time-bomb set to detonate post-maritally

As long has he has not declared his intentions, I advise you make yourself available to other would be suitors. Don't let the 'baka' take you off the shelf without paying at least a down payment and doing due diligence.

@poster
To sleep with another man's wife without his consent, is to dare te gods over your existence! That person must be tired of living.

I would like to play the devil's advocate here

Deuteronomy 24:1-4 (King James Version)
When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.
And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife.
And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife;
Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the LORD: and thou shalt not cause the land to sin, which the LORD thy God giveth thee for an inheritance.

The passage states that the first husband could not take her back because she had been defiled. So the question that arises is since the woman has not slept with another man why cant the divorce be rescinded in principle? One of the underlying intents of the 'no divorce' tenet was to limit the number of sexual partners. Asking the woman to remarry and have sex with another man, is not in line with this.  If the woman has not remarried then I believe she can go back to her initial husband and having sex with him is not a sin.

The issue of the man having sex with both women will eventually lead to the issue of polygamy. While the bible advices monogamy, given the sheer number of polygamous families in the bible, please provide a reference where one is condemned for it. Failure to do so says that the man is not committing a sin by sleeping with both women as he is married to them.

@OP 

The heart of a naija man might seem to be falling in love quickly, it only 'cos another part of him is 'rising to the occasion' more rapidly.     

Goat meat stew, fish stew, 'efo-riro' (vegetable) and pounded yam

<rolls over cos of belly ache>

ROTFLMAO
Ol' boy I fear Nlers o - see as dem enter the hyena with broken bottles.

Anyways the truth is out. There is no point wasting any advice on the selfish idiot. Its people like him that give Nigerian men a bad image.
The girl sounds like the giggly naive type. He played on her naivety and emotions to get his papers, and now wants to divorce her.
Like someone said, I hope you land one of those dry cleaned 'experienced' naija babes, who many have been in and out of without  pausing like a 'molue'.

<swears at lack of modify button>

A small level of impurity in the water is healthy in building up your immune system.

There are two main parts to the bottled water.: The bottle, and the source of the water.

The bottle is usually a form of plastic and thus there are possibility that there may be leeching (i.e. slow leakage or reaction with the fluid) of the plastic material and/or other chemicals used in preparation and cleansing. Most of these chemicals are possible carcinogens, and hence could be harmful in large quantities. The problem with this is that oral intake does not necessitate absorption by the body. I would suggest that one pours bottled water into cups, and not leave half empty bottles  for long as oxidation might increase the leeching. Refrigeration may slow down the leeching process, and exposure to direct sunlight should be avoided. Larger containers are preferred as they have higher volume to surface area ratio, and thus the leeching per unit volume would be less. Of course, with the slight acidity of carbonated water, the leeching rate is higher. The lure to carbonated water is the refreshing taste, and it does come at a price

As per the water in the bottle, it could come from any of various sources: tap, spring, processed etc. Spring water have always been tagged dubious, because they contain higher concentrations of certain minerals, as compared to other sources. Processed water can only be discussed with knowledge of the process. In most cases they are similar to tap water but may have variation in levels of re-introduced minerals and QA. For the most part tap water is fine, though the fact that the bottled water was possibly produce in another region introduces some uncertainty.

Putting all the factors into consideration, bottled water is not worth the devotion. At best, in terms of the quality of the water, you are just breaking even, when compared to the tap water available in most developed areas (even in Nigeria). When you factor in the cost, then you are running at a loss.

To avoid plumbing sourced issues, I would suggest you take a sample of your tap water for analysis at a facility near you.

Well water is not so bad if the well is deep enough to reach the water table (and not sub surface runoffs). Also unhygienic placement of wells in rural environment often result in contamination of the water by nearby laundry and sewage sources.

I am by no means an expert on the issue but hope this helps.

A lot of people on this thread sound like pharisee and Sadducee, who knew the law but failed to grasp the reason for the law.

I am, for the most part, against women leading churches, not because it is an abominable sin (as some seem to think), rather because the issue is a slippery slope. Hence, I feel there might be possible exceptions.

The advice given by Paul gives a simple solution to an otherwise tacky problem. Orderliness is required in the house of God, and thus granting spiritual authority to women, while maintaining the physical authority of men, would become a problem. A woman who has spiritual authority over her husband could easily usurp the physical authority from him (be it justifiable or not), and also the man will likely find it difficult to submit to his wife on spiritual matters.

If you follow Paul's advice, and maintain that all authority resides with men, then your path is more direct, because, like in most client-server or master-slave relationships, a one-way chain of command makes the system run efficiently (ask the guys in the military).

On the other hand, if you decide to allow women to hold authority in the church, then you are at risk for other things (like disharmony in the home) that might be a bye-product of that choice. Does that make this choice itself sinful? I say no, but it definitely exposes one to more risks.

In making choices, I recommend that the best interest of the church should be maintained. In situations that a woman has a higher spiritual understanding relative to the men, while she can temporarily teach to help uplift these men, she should be careful in the example she sets for others by being subservient to her husband. The men too should be challenged to elevate their understanding to the required level. A house divided upon itself can not prosper.

Women in the role of pastors, I will classify along with things like polygamy and drinking, they are not sinful acts themselves, but their consequence could lead to sin for you and/or others. To me, they are not worth the risk.

tope2000:
But what about the child's mother . . . . its not going to easy for her either way cus the child's mother will forever be involved in their lives

That fact was set in stone the moment her husband slept with another lady.

If the kid is living with them, the guy has no valid excuse to nurture a relationship with the other woman. After all, the kid, which is his interest, is right under his nose. Of course, the child should be free to relate with her biological mother.

@Pic of goat

In fairness to the guy, he might have been caught in his bid to steal the goat, and then asked to have sex with it as punishment.