₦airaland Forum

No thanks to China, generic DVD players are retailing for N3,000 in electronic shops in Lagos. Even brand names like Philips and Samsung now go for less than N10k. Its only a matter of a couple of years before DVD players chase out VCD players completely as the youngsters are now growing up with DVDs and even digital downloads at cybercafes. I see lots of cybercafes around Lagos offering downloading of clips for ipods and high-end cellphones.



In the current business model of Nollywood, the producers actually make their money from the sale of the discs - that's why you have parts 1-4 - and not really the content. This means they have a huge incentive to resist the move to DVD but I suspect its inevitable in the long run.




@busygirl, no be only for naija wey piracy dey - i suspect that nollywood channel in london is a huge piracy scam. its doubtful if they are paying royalties to the producers and artistes in naija

[quote author=j-girl link=topic=2934.msg2010433#msg2010433 date=1204319994]It's very possible not to be in love with their husbands. Women fall in love too easily and they think they are in love so they just go along with the feeling but then after the marriage, they realize that they cannot stand his little habits and his little quirks and then they realize it wasn't love in the first place. Happens all the time.[/quote]ok, so what typically happens next after women realize it wasn't love in the first place?

okwanuzo3:
but how many women are really in love with their husbands?

excellent question in need of honest answers

AJ,

A major part of marital problem be sey u women demand that we must leave our mother's waist and cleave to yours but you still cling hard to your own mother's waist.
So the man has let go of his mum's waist and is cleaving to his wife's waist but she is still holding tight to her own mum's waist - is that fair?

As for our poster here, yes her hubby ought to protect and defend his wife from his family, Yes, a married woman is entitled to, at a minimum, respect from her hubby's relatives. Yes, a wife and a mother have different and ideally, complementary roles in a man's life. But why can't you women just keep to your respective boundaries as wife and mother instead of constantly placing men in a situation where we have to offend our wives or our mothers. Why can't y'all just get along and spare us the agony of being forced to choose between our wives and our mothers? Do we force you women to choose between your own mother and your husband? Its no good blaming mothers exclusively for wanting to cling to their sons. Many women go out of their way to provoke undue quarrels all in a bid to 'show' the hubby's female relatives especially his mum that she is now in charge.

I think you are in denial about the role of female rivalry in MIL/DIL issues. In fact, its actually at the core. Face it - women just want to have their cake and eat it in marriage You want to have your husband and your mother but we must give up ours Its this female inability to just get along that forces sensible men to keep their wife and their mother as far apart as possible. If possible, oceans are ideal to minimize opportunities for conflict.

I'm really feeling for our poster; if her hubby is one of the typical lagos boys whose family own lots of real estate, na serious wahala. From my experience with my pals in that category, it will take the special grace of God to convince him to move out of the family house where he is living free and start to pay rent in lagos. it may be easier to get him to move to another family property if available.

There is a popular mythology among SOME naija women [which is also promoted by some feminists] that the primary basis of MIL/DIL rivalry is over control of the hubby's pocket b/c the son is the mother's pension, social security and health insurance. According to this theory [which AJ appears to be pushing here], this is why MIL/DIL rivalry is prevalent among the poor villagers. The adherents of this viewpoint trivialize the aspect of innate female rivalry which I mentioned above.

But how do you explain the following phenomena?

a. why is it that in a university hostel, you can put 10 guys in in one small, tight hostel room and they'll be the best of buddies even years after they graduate; but put just 2 girls in the same room and they'll won't be on speaking terms by the end of the semester?

b. why is it that when a man takes a girl to a fancy restaurant, the waitress will be all nice and polite to the guy but giving his date attitude? but a waiter will serve both of them without any attitude?

c. you're driving with your babe and you stop at a gas station; you [the guy] asks the male attendant to hep him buy a bottle of water in the shop and the boy happily obliges in anticipation of a tip. but if the girl asks a female attendant at the next gas station for the same bottle of water, come and see eyes rolling, head snapping and total attitude from the female attendant even though she knows the girls has enough money to give her a tip if she fetches the water?

d. a woman walks into the room and all the other women in the room survey her from head to toe as if they are assessing the monetary value of what she is wearing and checking to see that she is not better or more expensively dressed than themselves

e. in an office, a junior female staff comes to work in a nice dress and the male bosses give her compliments but the female bosses make life hell for her that day. the female bosses are married o and their husbands don't work in that office. why the heck are they so annoyed that a small girl who earns less than them can wear a nice dress?

f. a man wants to get married - his dad and brothers are less concerned about the girl so far he said he likes her but his mum and sisters want to know the girl's life history and put her serious hoops and jumps before accepting or tolerating her as their brother's fiance or girlfriend



AJ, no matter how much you like to deny, female rivalry is very real. I have given you a few practical, real live examples. Stop blaming men for all the issues in marriage. You women by your very nature are responsible for at least 50% of all MIL/DIL issues. Fact is, women don't like each other. That's the plain and honest truth. Can you handle it?

@ poster -

1. you erred by not encouraging your husband to move out of the house before getting married

2. if he's one of these lagos boys that don't see why they should pay rent when their father has a house or houses in lagos, then you must get your husband to protect you from his mum as long as both of you are in that house

3. if his family own other properties in lagos, ask your husband to give quit notice to one of the tenants and then you guys move into that house


many lagos boys whose fathers own lots of real estate are the ones who are very reluctant to pay rent in lagos. i know so many like that. their wives have cried and complained till they are blue in the face but my guys just can't bring themselves to pay rent in lagos. at best, they can only move out to another family property





[quote author=j-girl link=topic=47364.msg2007452#msg2007452 date=1204261832]Men hardly have as much problem with their Mother-in-laws than girls do. A woman is more attached to her son than her daughter so it's easier for her to hands off. But women and their sons - it's a longtime thing. They would always want to remain in their sons' lives till Kingdom come.
A woman has to fight to have her man so that they would really know where they all stand.[/quote]j-babe,

I think men hardly have as much problem with their Mother-in-laws substantially because its a male-female relationship. so no rivalry there as hubby and mummy play different but complementary roles in a woman's life. Also, any sensible man who loves his wife will or should also love or at least respect the woman who brought his wife to this world, raised her right and shaped her character into the woman he fell in love with and married.

In my experience, I observe that, most women will go out of their way to cultivate their son-in-law's love and be extra nice to him just so that the daughter's marriage will be smooth. They will call the SIL pet names, always hailing him, offer to cook special dish etc, etc. But on the other hand, the same woman that goes out of her way to please her SIL will not do the same for her DIL. In fact, they feel its their DIL who has to make the effort to win their love. If she doesn't constantly call them, keep in touch, buy them stuff, wait on them hand and foot, cook special dish etc, etc, they will take offence.

Mothers are attached to their kids in different ways. Many women play a very active but subtle role in their daughter's household. I think SUBTLE is the key difference. The woman is primarily involved in that house through her daughter and so automaticaly has more scope of freedom since the married woman is the mistress of the house. If the daughter while rushing to work, forgets to dish breakfast for her mum, the mum will simply enter the kitchen freely and take whatever she likes - her daughter won't complain. In fact, when she gets home, she will be apologizing to her mum for forgetting to put food for her. But if the wife while rushing to work, forgets to dish breakfast for her MIL, the MIL will take it as a deliberate slight and any [or all] of the following may happen -

1. the MIL will go on protest hunger strike until her son comes home and she reports the wife. husband-and-wife quarrel will start from there

2. the MIl may not say anything but will quietly nurse a grudge. eventually, the entire extended family will hear that she was starved and ill-treated by her DIIL when she visited

3. if the MIL enters the kitchen and uses the tomato the wife was keeping for the kids pasta that night to make omelette for herself, the wife will forget that the old woman was hungry and there was no one at home to tell her that the tomato was reserved for kids pasta and from there quarrel between wife and MIL will start with wife complaining that MIl enters her kitchen, fridge and cooking pot anyhow!

MIL and DIL relationship is more direct and is female-female. No matter how educated or enlightened, that element of innate female rivalry must come in. This is why most sensible men will keep their wife and mother as far apart from each other as possible because there is always a smouldering tension between MIL and DIL which requires very little to spark it off.


Women get too much wahala. That's the primary reason why I can never be a polygamist

AJ,

Did I cal your name/handle - abi guilty conscience dey worry you? E be like sey na "out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaketh forth, ' wey dey work here,

It is only with villagers you find this MIL/DIL rivalry you so disgustingly referred to. Only an evil woman will pitch her DIL against her husband. And only a jobless, insecure wife will discourage her husband's love for his parents.

This is so untrue and shows how long ago you left naija or how disconnected from the reality of village women you are - just like most educated, urban women.

The worst MIL/DIL rivalry actually occurs among the wealthy elite in naija simply because there is so much more at stake - land, houses in naija and abroad, money - and also becasue you have a lot of wealthy idle women whose only occupation is being a socialite. Lagos is a classical example especially among the Lagos indigene landowning and socialite families - despite the fact that they marry among themselves, yet they have the worst MIL/DIL stories that I have ever heard in my entire life.

FYI, rural women are NOT jobless at all. In fact, in comparison with urban, educated women, illiterate village women work far, far harder and have less time for idle gossip. Village women work in farms from sun-up to sundown with babies on their backs. They trek several kilometres per day to and fro to fetch water from streams with babies on their backs and clay pots on their heads. The village woman must still look after kids, clean her home, cook and yet be a wife to her husband. She will also manually cut, scrape and fry cassava into gari and mazi into pap - all by hand with babies on her back and in her tummy.

In contrast, it is urban educated women who have the idle time to gossip with office colleagues, who have access to phones to call friends to gist, who have access to internet to stereotype MIL. After all, their kids are at daycare or nursery school with nanny after school. Nobody asked them to cut cassava and fry gari when they get home from work.



Maybe except in Agenebode

j-girl,

yes, i gotta talk b/c i just hate when women demand the respect which is their due from their hubby to his wife but they reserve the right to insult the hubby's mother anyhow when there is agro. There must always be agro in every human relationship but America did not drop nuclear bomb on Castro all these years. Asking a man to phock his mum is a nuclear bomb.

Wife and mother each have their own role. Yes, there is tendency of women to compete and have rivalry. I think most MIL/DIL issues have more to do with innate female rivalry than with women wanting to hold on to their sons. It also seems that there is a genetic code in naija women that once they marry, they must make sure to provoke quarrel with MIL and SIL until those ones surrender and acknowledge the wife as the new queen.

Ever since I became active on nairaland a couple of months back, I noticed that there is a group [dunno whether its the same person with multiple handles] that is forever using the most extreme and provocative language whenever issues of marriage come up. They demonize men as if we are all spawn of Satan along with our mother. I wonder if these girls are married or will ever marry. Since they hate naija men so much, why don't they just leave us alone and marry white men?

almondjoy:
@poster,

So was mine! I gradually cured him of the madness. Are you not a woman, just like the mother? Then you do not know your job! Don't marrerrrrrrrrrrr if all 3 of you are sleeping on the same bed. A wife that knows her job always wins!

Please, google it for further education.

_{People should not get married if they are not ready I swear!}

Una don come again!


I don't know what it is about you women that whenever issue of MIL is brought up, the next thing is to make reference to bedroom or SOME WOMEN HERE will ask the man to phock his mother.

Wetin now?

Is bedroom all there is to marriage?

Is a wife nothing but a glorified phock buddy?

See all the insults you girls have heaped on this guy's mother WITHOUT hearing her own side of the story or even the man's side. Because your fellow woman came here to yab her hubby and his mum, una don turn to judge, jury and executioner without hearing the other side of the story.

If men begin making derogatory reference to the wife's mother or parents whenever there is any little agro between the couple, what will that marriage turn into?

If guys r always asking you women to phock your father whenever there is agro with your MIL, una go dey vex anyhow.

Abeg respect peoples' mother. She gave us life - you didn't. Big difference. We can always get another wife [in a jiffy sef] but never another mother.

Asking a man to phock his mother is the ultimate insult to him and greatest height of disrespect to his mother.

Any woman who dares say that to me cannot be my wife and must leave my house that very day.

[quote author=QUE`SHIQUE link=topic=47364.msg2003244#msg2003244 date=1204161843]The following Biblical text says it all, Genesis 2:24 "Therefore shall a man leave his

father and his mother , and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.'[/quote]Ah yes, the naija female national anthem,

babe chop nkwobi overdose with small stout

she mess well well


FINISH!

FINITO!

KAPUT!

Which part of 'end of story' wey una no dey hear?

nairalanders sef!

una bed belle three mush!!!

there are so many reasons why this may happen. the groom or both groom and bride may not have their papers in place is the most common reason

my coz and his wife could not make it to their native law and custom marriage from europe cos their papers were not yet in order. they were represnted by their younger brother and sister

na condition make crayfish bend

aisha2:
There is a song we sing for people who like long throat in hausa, " Mai kwadayi zai mutu, ba yau ba za mutu, ko gobe zai mutu"
Translation person wey get longet throat go die, If E no die today, E go die tommrow

correct babe! abeg, thank you joo - pls make you try to continue educating them.

na d long throat people wey dey yarn OP here

abeg, make we hear word! if u don't know ask and u shall be told.

nkwobi is an igbo delicacy made from assorted goat meat [traditionally though beef is used in lagos] plus various vegetables, seasonings and spices. its kinda close to isi-ewu [goat head] but softer meat and no eyeballs

i never heard of any one dying of eating nkwobi over dose per se - of course people die of typhoid from unhygaenic nkwobi joint or food poisoning if condiments are not mixed right - just as with any other food. heck, a big mac can kill you if there's salmonella or mad cow meat in it.

abeg, make we hear! na because na black man delicacy na im we dey hear food poisoning, genetic reaction etc, etc?

nonsense and kolomental!

wetin china do aj sef? which one be independence from china? abi you don tire to dey buy made-in-china bra?

ah wan die for laff o! the tory sweet well well!

sultan, abeg no min bad belle people - ah sure sey dem too na long throat babes.

Any body wey don dey chop am steady bifor go know sey nkwobi dey run belle seriously if you over chop at once and especially if you also take malt or stout at the same time.

but e no dey kill - at worst, you mus go toilet several times that day unless you take imodium or thalazole

nkwobi is a delicacy and not a meal; you chop at most one or two plates at a time. anything more than that, na u sabi,

some girls are only good for bed but not for altar

-
just as some men are only good as aristo/sugar daddy/mugu but not for husband

not every relationship must end at the altar - some must fall by the wayside

there is no law that said u must marry everyone u slept with or else we would be married to our first sex partner




@ vesta, pls ignore those urging you to marry this girl. marry her only if you really wish to from the bottom of your heart and ure sure you guys are compatible

never marry a woman out of pity or just because she is pregnant or has kids for you

its so bad that i know of someone who applied for visa lottery with keloid scars on his cheek. after submitting his lottery application with his passport photos, he later had the keloid removed by a plastic surgeon in dubai. can you believe that when the visa lottery notification came, he was rejected by the us embassy as a fraudster DESPITE presenting medical documents and letters from his doctors in naija and dubai? the guy was totally shattered

AJ, is there any rule against a man marrying 'down' and then trying to 'uplift' his wife when he gets up there?

is it a crime for a graduate to date or marry a non-graduate?

is it a crime for a man to encourage his woman to aspire to greater educational heights?

fine, frank endu may have gone about it the wrong way but was he wrong to wish that she could come closer to the educational level which he had now attained?

what if this guy had simply done what many or most other naija men do in his situation i.e. dump her and move on with his life, would he not be alive today?

so many naija men have ruthlessly exploited innocent illiterate women when they were poor and lowly students only to dump the women and their kids once they land better jobs and positions after graduating. i've heard of so many guys from my place who did just that back in the 1950s and 1960s. some even sneaked back into naija with white women and told their family not to let the illiterate wife know they were back from abroad

even a former chief justice of nigeria, justice irikefe dumped the illiterate mother of his first son after he qualified as a lawyer in the 1950s; he was a mere grade 2 teacher when he had the boy with the woman.

if frank edu had behaved like justice irikefe, he'd be alive today and carousing his new chassis, educated wife. but he's dead and some peeps here are mocking him

personally, i feel he should have left her alone when she made clear that she preferred him to spend the money on the wedding rather than her education. in fact, he should have divorced her ass and moved on.

richy, u're right. it just that our people have really abused this visa lottery thingie very badly. i personally know of people who did the stuff i posted up there. its real sad that the innocent ones get punished for the misdeeds of others.

kemlion:
hi do call me

kemlion,

no be you wey write this before -

Re: I Want An Honest Nigerian Lady Btwage21-31 For A Serious Date
« #4 on: February 05, 2008, 02:02 PM »

Quote from: zignor on February 05, 2008, 01:52 PM
lol . . . Grin Grin Grin
realy need a girl for romance will reside in north

which one u dey? your pix for ya profile dey show woman. but you dey talk above sey you need woman for romance for north?

you be lesbi? abi hermaphrodite? or yahooze?

its very much possible. i know people who brought over their nephews/nieces by presenting them as adopted kids. but just ask anyone who have been through that adoption process at the american embassy in lagos. the wahala is something else and its takes several months or even years. the adoptive parents based in us,will have to make at least 2 or 3 visits to naija to finalize the process. in fact, its even easier aply for a spouse visa than adopted kid. you will so spend money for officials of lagos state ministry of women's affairs and child development etc just to obtain the documents that the embassy demanded. then the usual embassy wahala

@richyblack and co-doubters,

yes, the embassy website said that dna testing is voluntary but in reality, the consular staff will always demand it for a family applying under visa lottery. this is because nigerians have so abused and bastardized the visa lottery. people actually pay visa lottery winners to take their kid to their relatives in the us by pretending the kid belongs to the visa lottery winners. in some families, the visa lottery winner is made to present his sister or her brother to the embassy as the spouse so that the sibling can escape to america - i personally know one family who did such. the siblings will now divorce themselves after they obtain green card.

it was because of all these things that the us embassy now has an informal rule that visa lottery winners claiming to have kids must present dna to prove the kids is theirs.

@ posters banging on about knowing your partner b4 marriage -

no man or woman can ever truly know their partner in and and out until they live together 24/7 for a considerable period. during courtship/romance, both parties are fronting for each other, to present themselves in the best possible light, to attract and keep the other interested.

any body who claimed he knew his wife character fully b4 he married her is a born liar

abeg, go and grow up. coming here to insult people's parents when you don't even have your science correct. go and educate yourself on human reproduction properly and then we can have an adult conversation

every thread on nairaland you and your gang members are for ever bashing men as if women are angels or saints