₦airaland Forum

STORY!!! Dre are 3 major ways 2to stop a man from cheating 1) is SEX!!! exhaust him b4 he goes out he won't av d strength 4 anoda woman, keep ur bed room romantic not scattered, make it sexually appealing,if dre was any style u used 2give him b4 u got married, continue wit it, bliv it or not men cheat just because their wife stopped giving them BLOWJOBS. 2)Respect him,dont Eva make ur man feel low. 3) feed him well, shekana... come back and thank me

. quote author=calebo10]Keeping a man faithful is not as difficult as it may appear at first. For starters, most of them want to be true to their spouses, but for that extra boost to ensure fidelity, try these steps.

Respect him as you would want him to respect you

Remind him from time to time why he's your man . In other words, take the time to make him feel special as if he's the only one in your life. Tell him how handsome he is every now and then.

Validate your man on a daily basis. Whether he works outside of the house, is currently unemployed or a stay-at-home Dad, (if you're married) your man still needs to feel like a man. You know he is, make sure he knows it as well.

Appreciate all the things he does for you. It doesn't matter whether those things are big or small, they are worth, at the least, a thank you.

Spice things up every once in a while. Tell him your fantasies, listen to his. Don't be afraid to initiate romance.

Live, love and Laugh. Laugh often with him, not at him. Tell him a joke that you think he might like or clip out comics from the newspaper and place them on the fridge,send text or e-mail messages.

Listen first, and then talk. Let him finish what he has to say before you interrupt. Ask questions if you're not sure about what he said. Do not go with the general notion; all women are nags. Make a difference. Listen more, talk less.

Be his biggest supporter! Men don't like to admit it, but they need reassurances as well. Showing him that you support him and are there with him through day to day struggles will help to ensure that he doesn't have a need for someone else to fill that need.

Don't lose your own self respect. Stop blaming him for everything and understand that some things are beyond your or his control.

Feed him. Men love when a woman cooks for them like mum does. You don't have to cook exactly like her but, it's the action that counts. Women claim men are dogs but remember if you feed a dog he will never leave home!!!

Hold and Cuddle your man, his day can be just as bad as your day. Remember they are big kids and when they got upset when they were younger, mums held them close.

When leaving him alone make sure he has everything needed. Remember you are already dressed and ready to go and he is capable of getting those things. It also shows you care about his needs or wants as well.

Don't ever baby him. He will pull away from you. He needs to feel like he's the provider. If you're married, take the family budget to give him what he likes. It's the effort that counts.

Work on yourself. Learn to appear neat and appealing to tour man at all times. Take your time to get those kinky and sexy undies, night wears and dressing that will make him want you more.

Remember, if a man has all he needs in a woman, he will never go looking for another. Be everything your man wants.[/quote]

I am here quote author=hrykanu231]Pls if u see a lady that has 8/10 of the above named features without faking it let me knw ASAP[/quote]

my heart :p

Thanks! Bitter truth hahahahah I remember a thread I started asking if ladies would prefer dre man go for paid sex or has one lady he has an affair witout side,i was called all sort of names, dis is Africa mehn Nigeria 4dat matter... itss just natural.. OP dat shld not bother u, infact d more u talk him out of it d more he goes deep into it. Don't nag, pretend as if u don't know, treat him wit lovee and respect 4d sake of ur children.. u move out anoda woman moves in..

Kanwulia: Two options only.
STAY OR LEAVE!

How many AFRICAN WOMEN do you know have LEFT their husbands for cheating?
IS THE AFRICAN CULTURE NOT POLYGAMOUS?

I don't understand NIGERIAN women. ALMOST 90% OF NIGERIAN WOMEN GREW UP IN HOUSES WITH THEIR OWN FATHERS CHEATING WHILE THEIR MOTHERS STAYED IN THOSE MARRIAGES. . . . OR WERE KICKED OUT WITH OTHER WOMEN MOVING INTO THE HOUSES!

When the vows were taken. . . did the HUSBAND AND WIFE really believe that they would really forsake ALL OTHERS?

Why do NIGERIAN WOMEN FEEL A SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT TO 'THE ONE MAN-ONE WIFE' ILLUSION? HOW MANY OF THEIR FATHERS WERE MONOGAMOUS?

Why go into a marriage and EXPECT a NIGERIAN MAN to be monogamous?

Cheap advice : WHEN YOU ARE MARRIED TO A NIGERIAN MAN. . . DO NOT EXPECT MONOGAMY. . . SIMPLE!

If you can understand this BASIC FACT. . . . YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE GOTTEN MARRIED EXPECTING TO CHANGE GENETIC POLYGAMISTS!

YOUR CHRISTIAN VOWS ARE UNNATURAL IN THE CONTEXT OF AFRICAN OR NIGERIAN MARRIAGES. . .

Women! Quit deceiving yourselves. . . .DON'T GET MARRIED TO NIGERIAN MEN. . . OR SIT THERE AND TAKE THE HEAT!

YOUR FATHERS WERE NOT MONOGAMOUS. . . .SO STOP YOUR ILLUSIONS AND SAVE YOURSELVES LIVES OF MISERY!

Don't get married to NIGERIAN OR AFRICAN men. . .or do so and ACCEPT YOUR FATES!

POLYGAMOUS FATHERS GIVE BIRTH TO POLYGAMOUS SONS! THIS IS AFRRRRRRRRRICA!!!!

Ask FEMI-FANI-KAYODE!

3days max, I don't fancy getting myself weighed down ova a man, I always bliv hez somewhere enjoying his life wif some oda lady,so why do I av 2kill myself, I bounce along, hang out wif friends and i'm fine

Now I wanna get married

Ure very right, every lady was a virgin at a point in time,doesn't guarantee she wouldn't cheat [quote author=maxwello.yg]Ok. I understand now. But that doesn't make my point false[/quote]

I'll prefer peruvian hair :d [quote author=-Mr Cork-]...well said babes....I owe u 2 Brazillian wig!! [/quote]

I love this..home based Nigerian guys suck!!!! [quote author=-Mr Cork-]...bro am juss tryin to represent the females...4real...its about time u homebased Nigerians get yor acts together and start treatin females like queeens....WE TREAT THEM LIKE QUEENS HERE IN LONDON.....so why wouldnt they cheat on u?....MOney dont mean Jack if u dont respect yor woman...YOU AINT SUPERMAN...SHE WILL CHEAT ON U AND U WILL BREAK DOWN...TRUSS ME!!!![/quote]

Co's most times d men are so proud of their wives and say "I married her a virgin" I still heard such 2day sef... however they still cheat on their wives.. being a runs girl or a virgin isn't the key to getting a good husband, choosing wisly and and also trying hard to maintain d home goes a longer way than d past of any lady and even d past of d man.

Dubemkelly: So u spying yhu uncles' wives btw hw cud u hv known dey were virgins b4 d marriage was contracted....Oh! Guess dey r ONILA's type of personality dat keep screaming 'Am a virgin'

I'm not referring to d virgins, I am referring to d men.. [quote author=maxwello.yg]virgins don't cheat after marriage= big lie[/quote]

Your first Salary is your first fruit and shld go to d church

LMAO,dis cracked me up, Joke of d year or better still some kind of scam..hahahaha

meluvlizluv: i have work hard and tried everything i could to get my lover back but nothing works out for me to get him back, till i came across a great man profile called Dr.OLOKU a love spell caster that helped me get my lover back to me within the period of 2 days i want to say with his great power he has save so many life and relationship he was the only man i contacted and his magic really brought my ex back for in case you need his help for your relationship to be restored you can email him via his email address :olokuspelltemple@yahoo.com, Natalia .+2348133047855

How is that your business? Stick your neck to where it belongs...

bin gbagbo: i stay in the same house house with a police officer and his wife. the police officer has been away for the past month, but i have caught his wife on two ocassions disposing used male condoms.i have these condoms at my disposal but dont know how to tackle this matter. what makes me sure she is cheating is the advances she is making at me as well. help me.

Being a runz girl or not doesn't determine d kinda husband U'll get.. I have 3 uncles dat got married to virgins and they are serial cheaters.

It's neither pity nor love.. ure just silly!! After grabbing all her cookies now u feel u ain't sexually attracted 2her anymore, that's what sex b4 marriage does and abuse of sex! She stood by u wen u made her bliv u had nuffin now u wanna dump her, at least it's not as if she damaged her womb by aborting, what's love abt is it not abt standing by each oda? I wonder the kinda love people profess doe, when I say love is a mirage people laugh at me.. na ur saka b that, fix ur problem!!!

kdf3449: Hello NL,

I am posting this topic because i need advisers from fellow NL because i know there are reasonable and wise gentlemen and ladies here with good experience about relationships and marriage at large.Please don't get bored with the long email,i beg you that you spare me few mins of your time to go through as your contribution can help heal a soul.I am a 27years old and I have been dating this girl since 2009,we are both from polygamous homes where the family are not united and we are struggling on our own to keep our head above sea level. At first when i met her,i wanted just for fun but as time goes on,i started seeing good qualities in her although we haven't been staying together then because i haven't gotten a place of my own by then,but she was with me all the way,squatting with me at my friend's place. Its not that it was too tight for me financially like people will always say that: "she suffered with you"..i was actually building my own house all those while but i didn't want her to know because we were still trying to trust eachother and i just wanted to surprise her. All these while i have been a naughty girl,cheating on her and all that but she is the type that doesn't believe in jumping from one relationship to another,she tends to make it work because she believes where you are jumping to could be worse than where you are coming from.

So when i opened my house,we started staying together,she is always with me,we have been through thin and thick together,so i finally engaged her last year.I do provide for her,make sure she doesn't lack,just a normal way to make a woman feel like a woman. My family knows her,everyone say she is a nice and respectful person and everyone knows that she is not pretending. After the engagement,i was making marriage plans,though my father and elder brother was giving me tough time because they wanted me to go to school first because i was the most intelligent in the family but i couldn't go to the UNI because of family crisis and all that and also because my gf is a graduate. But i could also be able to fight it through and she know it but i want her to be pregnant before we do marriage stuffs because all these years of dating her,she has never told me of being pregnant once though she knew i wasn't ready all these while.

After a while,nothing is happening,so we went for medical check up and she has infection that is blocking her womb.We did blood test to know if our blood type is fit for marriage and am AA she is AS so we are good to go,so we started treating this stuff since early last year.People are already asking questions why i haven't impregnated her and what is delaying the marriage because everyone knows that its not the cash that is holding me,all my friends are married and have kids,i can't even take her to any of my friend's marriage because i feel humiliated already. We have been treating this stuff from different places,both native treatment and english still nothing. Some fews ago i started seeing an ibo girl that lives in lagos ( I live in delta State so its my gf ), she has most of the things that i like in a girl,she is very feminal ( unlike my gf that carrys herself in a masculine way ), she is 23years ( my gf is older than me with months ), she is a devoted christian ( me and my gf are 100% weak when it comes to our spiritual lives,i love God alot but i am so weak in the flesh and i long for someone that can help in drawing me closer to God.I believe its only God that gives children but if we are both far from him,how can we get what we sole desire? ),She makes me long for her,makes me crave so much for her ( but my gf presents herself like she doesn't have anywhere to go to if she lives my house,like all hope is gone without me and i don't like this kind of things because i have complained several times to her that she will make me not to respect her or like she doesn't have values.If i tell her to go to her father's house a weekend,it will lead to quarrel. Though her parents house is not comfortable). i am so so romantically attractive to her unlike my Gf,when i make love to her,its with so much passion and love but with my GF,there is no flare at all,its just for the doing sake.

I haven't stayed with this new girl and i don't know much about her,if i can trust her cos she said she has done some stuffs in the past like sleeping with men for money and all that but its all in the past now. She has a boyfriend too but just like me,she doesn't feel him like she does with me, To cut the long story short,she is pregnant for me and she is insisting that if i want her to keep the pregnancy,then i must do some marriage stuff on her. I am so confuse,i know its risky because most times the new ones doesn't work out but i don't feel the spark with my GF,though she is takes good care of me,we understand eachother very much but i know if i get married to her,i will be committing adultery alot because i am not sexually attracted to her.I notice that i am more worried about her my GF will feel if i leave her,what people will say,the critics from people,how she will start moving her things back to her father house and all that but i also believe that my HAPPINESS matters alot. I feel its more of pity than love..

Please My fellow NL,i need advice from you wise people. I decide to post it here because i want advice on a neutral ground not from people that knows me and her together.

Thanks alot for reading my story

I have also been pondering on why the mother in-law doesn't want her husband to know. You are very right,even if he forgives her,d whole incidence will forver be on his mind and this can even make the opp a serial cheater based on his experience, I have a friend that had this similar experience few years after his marriage, he forgave her and started cheating, the wife dint stop cheating, they both got tired and ended up divorcing. For a woman to cheat barely 1yr after marriage, check her past record she must have been a loose lady and always a cheater, mehn doing almost 2-3 men its too much,cheating may just be in her blood and she is putting your life at risk wit lots of STDS, even if you forgive her she'll know deep down your heart the incidence will still linger and If u don't inform your own family she can plot wit her mother to execute u and ur owwn family will neva b aware of what happened... please take heart best is file a divorce, we live in d era of grace, God will forgive u since divorce is a sin and start a neww family and next time watch a lady carefully b4 marrying her,d cheating tendencies must have been dre but u neglected d signs

Fkforyou: One more thing,why is your wife's mother so desperate no let her husband know?...don't u think she might also hav a similar track record?...Dude let's call a spade a spade,most Idealist will tell u to forgive her and move on,but the truth is that we all know is not that easy/possible,with some people they might forgive,but still live with her?No way...but ur wife too(no disrespect) is some how strange,just a year of getting married,is it that they knew themselves somewhere or what?

Mehn always take care of No1, if she cheated far away its much better, wit ur cousin and friend dats extreme.. pls run far or forgive her but don't eat her food, she can poison u!

peciouslove: I never knew where to start this from, but will make it short as possible. I'm a professional I live and work in lagos, and I'm married to the woman of my dreams...a very young girl.I got married after so. Many intervention by people around me... Cos initially I see nothin important in holy matrimony. But for intervention of important people in ma life I won't have been seemingly happy married. One of this people include. My very own yyounger sister husband, we were so close, much more than inlaws we were like smae family and friend. Infact we establish business together.. Dear friends I just discovered. That my friend, inlaw, my business. Partner. That I always rely on and talk to about everything including my wife was actually sleeping wth my wife and they are proffessing love to eachother! My world came to an end. I'm sharttered,nothin maakes sese to me again. I can't imagine this level of double edge betrayal could happen to me thouth it was only a nollywood story. Now my wife is begging me to forgive her, my wife's mum was crying and begging to forgive her and not tell anyone else cos that will ruin her marriage too if. I let the father know.. I can no longer concentrate on anything and I skip work today.I still don't know what to do to survive this high level betrayals by my two most trusted persons! I'm at a crossroad.. What will I do?

Lovely article. Somethings are better left unsaid!!!

Flaubert Ajiero: No one wants their partner keeping secrets from them. Everybody wants the truth of their partner's past, present and sometimes even request for the future if any are available.

Secret telling in relationships actually do build stronger bond, trust and connection.It brings in credibility, reliability and faithfulness to the table. And many relationships have broken because someone wasn't telling their secrets or was even lying about them... interesting! isn't it?

The Truth:

Revealing secrets in relationships is a good thing but at the same time, I think it's a two way thing.

From experience I think there are more relationships that got broken as a result of secret revealing than it's for safeguarding it. The reason is because the human body has this tendency to want to absorb things that it can barely digest... wanting to know every detail but with little capability to handle the truth.

Some secrets are probably not supposed to be told in relationships and this is not because you don't love your partner rather it's the opposite. You keep certain secrets to protect a relationship than it's to destroy it.

Take for example:

I once had a friend whose relationship got broken because he cheated and after that break-up two things happened:

1: He acknowledged that what he did was wrong

2: He was 100% ready for a change

I may have not believed his resolutions but I do strongly know that he believed in himself about it. So it goes, he got into another relationship and you could see his determination to make things right... his NOW girlfriend loved him for his vision about having a healthy relationship but pretty soon he decided to tell the secret behind his last relationship.

And from there on things never remained the same. In the long run, him not answering his calls were interpreted to mean "is he doing it again"? His close relationships with other women were also misinterpreted to mean "Men will always be cheats"... etc.

So let me ask:

Did you notice in this case that revealing the secret builds in NEGATIVITY instead of the usual positivity?

Did you also notice that BOY told his secrets because he was ready for a change but that wasn't exactly how GIRL saw it?

Why?

Because revealing the secret created another world for the woman to study, a world that is built with elements of doubts, negativity as compared to the former one which was just the NICE MAN before her all this while, a nice man who was on a mission for a change.

So regardless of how you think revealing secrets makes a relationship healthy, it's important to recognize what elements are built in around your little secrets, is it going to create positivity or otherwise... in other-words the psychological impact.

As long as you're ready for a change about a particular error of yours, telling it, is not worth it. But if you've doubts you can share it and ask for help and also pray your listener buys into your new ambition.

www.flaubertajiero.com

U ain't serious, jokes aside now *straight face* decent girls are more vulnerable to STDs prostitutes ain't that stupid, they always protect themselves but decent ladies in d name of love and trust would go skin to skin and unfortunately may av a cheating bf that's diving into anoda girl witout protection... quote author=ikekings]Ehnnn... Ashawo get grade now... Some ashawos clean pass d so called good girls... @op I wan marry you... [/quote]

Good, pls keep it up

dmcdad: I have NEVER cheated... And I don't plan on cheating on anyone. That's my life... I am too principled and honest to fall for that trash. Afterall, what do people gain from cheating in reality? Take sex aside, do you think alot of men would cheat if sex is what they can actually do without or if its non-existent? And sex is not something I hold in high regards.

So, you see...

Thanks flygerian [quote author=Flygerian.]Believe u me, the so called decent girls are the REAL ashanas![/quote]

Yuh all keep faking up reality. I asked a question and it's supposed to be a choice tin and u Writing u av a feeling i'm not a saint when it comes to cheating, ladies cheat less and i'm proud to say I HAVE NEVER CHEATED, U'll prefer stories of some girl wit a broken heart, or how a guy can't woo a lady. we are in Nigeria where men think cheating is a birth right...And the good news is some of us know how to keep our men, few ladies doe, so those of u ladies that can't keep your man keep dreaming he won't cheat.. *drops mic* quote author=dmcdad]
You aee mistaken gurl. If you assert that 90% of men are cheats, what about the remaining 10% that ain't cheats? Why not be optimistic that you are gonna have your own share of the few faithful ones? With this mindset of yours, I am having a feeling you are not a saint as regards to cheating. Just my thought though...[/quote]

*grins* ure a guy lie uve neva cheated... silly thing!

dmcdad: And I guess the op deserves an adulterous man cause like they say; you attract your type. Besides, it seems she likes the idea of her man cheating on her. Good luck @op.

Make God no let am bring STIs come give you for house.

And in btw, men are insatiable no matter the style and comfort they get at home 90% of them get to cheat... No1 wants a cheating husband, I do not pray 4 one but at worse case senerio I'll prefer paid sex, who says decent girls can't have HIV AIDS?? Men see cheating as their birth right so

Danhumprey: It's obvious that the OP doesn't care about HIV/AIDS and STDs. Imagine giving ur hubby a guilt-free pass to go and have sex with a sew worker? Can't u satisfy him urself or what?

To the ladies in the house we all know that cheating is almost inevitable for men. For married and single ladies would you prefer that your husband keeps a serious relationship with another lady outside of marriage or he engages in paid sex? I'll prefer paid sex cos he doesn't have to be in a relationship with any1 because the ladies end up falling in love and hence becomes a threat and she may end up being a 2nd wife but for paid sex, just pay and go

This sounds honest,than men hiding under the umbrella of they can marry any time.

luvable sam: Men stay a whole lot single for plenty reasons, firstly no one pressurizes them to get married cos even the extended families derive financial gains frm them.secondly the african culture is too demanding on the man n some if not most people break under such pressure. cos ifcu are a man in Nigeria u are expected to do everytin ranging frm renting a house to buyin a car to feeding n clothing ur family to paying school fees solely basically(wherelse do they still do dat if not africa?). the women arent helpin matters too..they all want society weddings dat wud cost the man a fortune.he buys everything even to the panties she is going to be wearing on dat day(whereas elsewhere even celebs now avoid societal weddings)imagine such pressure on a mans shoulder.y do u think he wud ever be in a hurry to get married when every condition is against him n things ain't changing any soon?

Brilliant Brilliant Brilliant.. [quote author=gbaky_floor]They waste their time on frivolity and by the time they wake up they are grand-fathers without grand-children.

I will use my dad as a case study. He built his first house, got married and had his first child before he clocked thirty. He achieved this by working tirelessly and focusing on what was important as a man: having enough income to raise a family.

Today's man spends the first 25 years of his life writing love letters, wooing girls, drinking and partying. By the time he realises his stupidity, he has clocked thirty. He spends the next five years of his life pursuing money/trying to have a steady income.

Once he hits little money at 35, he spends the next two - three years spending on younger girls for sex stupidly seeing it as punishment for the ones in the past that rejected him in his twenties.

By thirty-eight he becomes ready to marry, unfortunately he realises the girls in their early twenties do not find him young, attractive or rich enough to marry.

He goes back into the labour market to make more money while his sperm clock ticks away.

Thus, he decides to console himself with the belief he is a man and can get any woman he wants at any time. He ups it a notch by proclaiming all the women he came across aren't wife materials rather than admitting the problems come from him.[/quote]

Why not? So long we'll meet in person b4 d wedding day and get to know each other and b sure we love each other before walking down the aisle,its no big deal, you can find love any where

ngoziliz: @ladies and gentlemen, can you marry a man you met on the internet?

You must be a joker who says all men are marriagable ? author=Princess zoe][/quote]quote

How many yards of husband material are out there?

Enegod: lack of wife material, i think