₦airaland Forum

Cutehector:
Its so annoyin eh. Nowadays I dnt even chyke ladies anymore. I just see dem and let dem be

If our ancestors behaved thus, our specie would have been extinct.

Even if you are gollum, the more you get rejected, the more you'll get that little pecker of yours wet.

The numbers are on your side.

Saimeritus:
The past 3 girlfriend I had dumped me because I refused to do the thing with them. I'm from a very responsible family and I had a covenant with God not to have sex until marriage. I have been good to those girls , buys them lots of gift cos I'm on 3 scholarships.The day I went to the home of my 2nd gf, we were all alone in the house, she kept touching me but I didn't make a move. This infuriated her. The next day I called her, she keeps busying my calls. She dumped me just like that. My last gf came to my room at school the other day and I cooked for her, entertained her very well but when she showed green light , I rejected it. I have been calling her since then but she doesn't pick my calls. They all say that I'm not a man. pls what should I do to keep a good girl into a relationship? I think I am a failure when it comes to relationships. candid advice needed

What if God doesn't want you to make an abstinence covenant with him?

Rapmoney:
Guys, how many times have you experienced this situation?

1) She greets you at all times of the day with sexy smiles and you think she is in love. You approach her and she turns you down painfully

2) She never fails to stare at you in an erotic way whenever you see her in the street...you feel you would easily bleep her. You approach her and she fall your hand by rejecting you outrightly in all ramifications My guy would be like:'WTF...I thought I looked like Trey Songz to her!!!'

3) You met her at a party. She danced seductively with you! Holding you, giving you 'ukwu' lavishly. Your joystick come whisper to ur brain like:**'I must fiok dis babe today'** Oya, time dor reach to go house...next thing u see one short ugly dude with a Toyota Venza and she says: 'That's my boyfriend, thanks for keeping me company, take care!'

4) She laughs at all your jokes and always seems happy when she is with you , U come chyke her and she tells you she is not interested! Say she is into a relationship! My guy go be like: 'Shuo! I feel say the babe dey trip for me o!'

Chai!!! Women...deh nor fit understand una at all
You can share yours!

Pseudo-resistance...

Be relentless. Be like a h0rny he-goat who cannot be denied.

.

brownlord:
We don't give a damn, provided their activities remain in NE, they can even join anything they deem fit.

"No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main.....Any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bells tolls; it tolls for thee." ---- John Donne

As much as we don't like his style very much, people like him make the world move forward.

Missy89:
I am very ugly. In fact i dont go out

This explains a lot.

tweetobyte:
Nawao.. People be taking Paracetamol on top another person headache *sigh

In other news, I have a Twitter account with over
32,000 followers for sale. Good for promoting
business, products and services to Nigerians
mostly in Lagos. Price: N25,000 .. Interested
buyers should contact 080-828-986-87

If you have a 32,000 following of REAL people. Why not pitch them something yourself...

SuperSuave:
Baba your letter is too long. What was your grade in WAEC?

What does it matter...

Beautiful write-up.

What's the point of blowing all this grammar - if she won't understand it?

Show us your ukwu...

AmberQueen:
See his ugly face.....

Mschew!

A man is never ugly .

.

Flytefalls:
I'm a mellow Lion, the kind you'd see napping on a hot rock. My husband is the territorial one who pisses over everything (my husband would make a great case study I swear).

Wow you really meant world travel. I've never heard of Nomadic Matt, perhaps it's one for the Kindle (I've been taking people's recommendations literally since I received this damn Kindle)

Beep me? You better be talking beep, as one would sound a car horn to greet, and not bleep, as a h0rny one would inside a car

Husband's home now, time to look for his trouble

www.NomadicMatt.com - he's been featured everywhere. Like EVERYWHERE.

Certainly would have a Kindle version too.

Lol, how did you get to bleep from beep?

You're my brother's wife, so can't touch this...


But Mr Flytefalls should be put on notice that the Mrs nurses certain secret desires that involve automobiles .

She's not all books, cooking and good ol' missionary.

Tell him it's a myth too...nothing will happen to his car engine.

yuzedo:
The usual evening conversation between my mother and I while she cooked was interrupted at 7 o’clock. Opening the door to our flat, I let in an extremely downcast Nomso, who upon greeting my mom, asked for my presence in their home on his dad’s request.

I was perturbed! As the official neighborhood rascal and serial mischief-maker, I could hardly keep track of which debauchery committed was responsible for my summoning, and Nomso’s stoic countenance and reticence was not helping my frantic recollection efforts.

We arrived their downstairs apartment in less than a minute, and my heart thumped as Papa Nomso welcomed me with a forced cheeriness, his pseudo-joviality being an attempt at keeping me relaxed. I knew from painful experience that it was most definitely the usual grown person trick to lull me into a false sense of security and so kept my guard up, even as my brain stayed churning plausible excuses and alibis to utilize in the inevitable eventuality of whatever accusation(s) being thrown at me. Dumebi, the second son and my playmate stood morose in a corner, devoid of his customary liveliness. I knew this was big.

“Dimma, how was school today?” Papa Nomso asked.

“Fine?” I responded tentatively. School was NEVER fine, after all, and surely, I was not there to discuss the goodness of education. Or was I?

As if reading my thoughts, Papa Nomso continued, “I know you are busy helping your mom upstairs and I don’t want to keep you for long. You see, your friends and I are reviewing their homework and can’t get past a particular math question. Want to know if you can help?”

Simultaneous feelings of relief at not being called out to answer war crime charges, and amplified anxiety at the strong possibility of failing whatever Rocket Science that my friends could not answer immediately took hold of me. However, I knew I was not being given a choice as to whether I wanted to answer on not; I was there to either console or fuel the anger of Papa Nomso on account of his sons’ temporary lack of wit, and probably give him reason to tear at the falling academic standards characterized by our collective obtuseness.

I nodded my readiness to attempt this great, perhaps cancer-curing equation I would be required to solve. I didn’t feel very optimistic.

“What is a quarter of one hundr………. If a boy has a hundred kobo and is asked to divide it amongst four friends, how much would each person get?”

For a second I stared in confusion.

Confused, not at difficulty of the question, but the utter simplicity. My rapidly gaping mouth and expression of ridiculous confoundment must have given my friends a false sense of hope as they silently willed me to fail the question, even as their dad looked on in that second that lasted forever.

“Twenty-five kobo.”, I answered with a mixture of assured conviction and lingering doubt as to the true motive of what was surely a trick question.

Papa Nomso vibrated with what was undoubtedly a cocktail of emotions including righteous anger, happiness, pride, disappointment and the sweet, sweet feeling of justification for what(ever) course of action he was going to take next. These feelings were so overwhelming, he couldn’t contain himself as he rushed towards me, hands outstretched to shake mine, and concomitantly reaching to hug me.

Dumebi and Nomso cursed me in crestfallen despair, surely weeping in their hearts.

The next few seconds saw me being hastened out of the house by a man who needed immediate gratification through the expression of a well of emotions. A man who, neither for all the silver in the world, nor all the entreaties of its noblemen would deviate or reconsider his next course of action. His exact feelings needed conveyance, and a second’s delay could not be afforded.

I said a prayer for my friends. But even I knew it was futile.

I got back upstairs just as the first peal of thunder broke the tranquility of the night. It was as strange as it was ironic, given that the weather remained as clement as paradise is imagined to be. Rapid claps of cannon-sounding, pain-dispensing cane lashes interjected by the anguished cries of two young souls in torture rent the air. It was a deadly day.

The thrashing was not the only stiff measure Papa Nomso took against the boys, as their TV and video gaming privileges were withdrawn, as were the daily Mr. Biggs treats. He personally undertook their coaching on an intensive scale.

Result of that vehement intervention?

Dumebi left me behind the next year when he achieved an effortless double-promotion in a special exam at our school, which I spectacularly bungled.

Nomso was admitted on merit to Federal Government College, Warri to commence his secondary education.

ME?

My backside remained welt-free for the duration of my education, and I went ahead to not only supply the last four digits in Pi, but was also responsible for finally bringing peace to the Middle East.

Ya. **insert visuals of my most idiotic, drooling face here**

#

I want to be like you when I grow up...

Flytefalls:
He's Igbo. I'm a Leo and I have big hair, I'm surprised his superstition didn't run that deep but last week he parked the car after a cat had crossed the road and didn't move until another car passed where it had crossed. I would say he's a mental head case if he wasn't so amazing otherwise

Your days have been very merry then, I'm happy for you . Please if you need help planning anything let me know!!! There is much joy to be had when planning adventures. I've just arranged a group trip with my cousins to Paris this summer (like 10 of us!!) because I can't stand the fact they've never been and view France as one large Calais. They gon learn .

Thinking of visiting anywhere in particular?

LMAO @ I'm a Leo and I have big hair Hehe, I bet you do pack a punch too.

Hmmm...the superstition is quite strong with my good friend.

Guess it has to do with the particular environment he grew up in. Or he knows some really esoteric chit that we are totally ignorant about .

Lol @ planning adventures. I knew I was gonna beep you at some point, Mrs Gulliver.

Generally speaking: Africa => Central/South America => Ze Orient => Europe and the US.

Currently reading Nomadic Matt's really cool How To Travel The World on $50 a Day.

Will sure keep you updated.

bellamafia:
Hello Romancelanders,

I am in dire need of serious, unbiased advice to avert making a lifelong mistake. Serious comments only please, no trolls, judgemental people, immature guys and girls, religious extreemists NOT allowed in here.

Im a young lady, 27 years of age, have a nice job in a good company, very goodlooking. The reason for this description is to give a background to my plight.

I'm at that phase in my life where im ready to start a family. I always imagined that i would meet a guy randomly, fall in love and get married, but that has not been the case. With age, i learnt that marriage is not a fairytail and that one must think thoroughly, and venture with the head and the heart.

I have a guy whom ive dated on and off for 2 years and hes asked me to marry him a couple of times. We are very good friends, we have a certain kind of understanding, his family likes me, we share the same beliefs, ideologies and outlook on life. He can trek from berger to ojuelegba is that would make me happy.

However, we are not sexuall.y compatible. i mean the se.x is nothing to write home about. Ive tried many times to help him out, tell him what to do, etc but he never ever gets it right. That is a major issue for me. Hes also not so physically attractive, but im ok with his looks.

Im confused because i have a lot of other men flocking around me, showing indications of seriousness, but you know what they say about the devil you know and the angel you dont know.

I need advice please

Thank you

Hmmm....Bella Mafia...

I read that novel many, many, many moons ago - when men were boys, and still read novels.


Because of your id, I'd give my 2 cents.

No need to suggest it, very few persons can live a sexually frustrated life and still be happy. And when that primal itch isn't scratched properly, it tends to throw spanners in the works.

More nagging, and less respect for the man of the house. And that's hardly the recipe for Happily Ever After...

But what I would suggest is give him a few more tries to learn. Get him materials in that direction.


The sexual problems of MOST men fall under 3 categories (and can be fixed!):

1.) Finishing too quick

2.) Not understanding the female sexual response.

3.) Madonna/Whöre Complex.



The trouble with the first is obvious. And it's also somehow, a symptom of problem #2.

And problem #2 has many manifestations:

- Zero to no föreplay
- Firing away, all-through like a jackrabbit - at 100 metric tonnes (lol, a girl once asked me: "Buddhapalm are you pounding yam" . Thanks to years of pórn conditioning and the masculine braggadocio of "I bánged her so hard that she can't walk" you now have a fine recipe for breaking many a girls waists .

- Not arousing you properly. A very aroused girl is hanging fruit - easy pickings.
- Thinking his only tool is his phallus. Hence not knowing other things he could do to get you off - even before making contact with his man-bat.


But problem 3 is even more difficult to overcome. It's difficult for some men to envision their 'woman' as anything else but a prim, proper, 'Christian girl'. So they limit the range of things they could do, and the ways they could act in the bedroom.

But give them some random new girl, and they would give her a night to remember.

Finally, if you tell me where his problem falls, I'll recommend materials (DVDs and eBooks) that would help him out - if he's even willing to try. You know what leviathans our egos are .

Flytefalls:
I'm not mad about cats, but my husband gets mad about cats (you Nigerians are so superstitious!)

Doing anything special?

Lol, maybe he's from one of those interior tribes where they still wear loincloths . He should mind only the ones with manes. Those, I hear, pack quite a punch.

Nothing much...had a small get-together with my cousins (who live in same city) a day prior. And had copious amounts of beer with friends, on d-day.

Haven't travelled much, and as this is a 10, I plan to 'reward' myself with some "around the world in many months" kinda adventure. Still in the works .

Pretty good interview. Handled himself well.

Flytefalls:
Yo, is it really your Bday today? Happy Birthday!!

Do this:

"Ok Google"
"Sing Happy birthday to me"
*press play at whatever random video pops up*
From Flytefalls

If it's not your birthday, then eff you for wasting my effort!

Heeey!

Thanks for the wishes. You're such a darling.

A singing cat. I had always suspected you had a thing for cats. Praises to God for sending my Nigerian brother to save you from being the old maid with cats .

So Google stalks you too...

searching4love:



ALL I SEE IS TWO SHAMELESS FORNICATORS WHO ARE NOT ASHAMED TO TELL THE WORLD THEY HAD KIDS OUT WEDLOCK. UGLY THINGS


Next!!!!!

Panadol ontop another pesin headache

vjsmiles:
SO THE MAN WILL DO SPIRITUAL...
https://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-sex011.gif

You naughty bast.ard . LMAO!

Trippledots:
So i got an invite for the jumia interview going at their premises in ikeja. Right from the gate, a security guy was asking for the e-mail sent to us, as proof. As i made to open mine', (luckily i had been invited), a lady started handling with her phone, immediately the guy's attention was diverted, i saw this lady dissolve into the crowd just behind the security guy. wow, i thought. lol.....afraid hold me ni at her boldness.

Next, was where we were to enter our details _all still based upon showing of the interview invite and here was this same petit lady doing her thing.
all of a sudden she boldly went to pick the pen to enter her details. "hey, i don see your invite?" the man on duty said. "Yes now, i just showed you." she replied. talk of boldness and mother luck. So thats how she wrote her details.....

well thats the much i saw as i am now at one corner praying to my stars to shine down on me today.

Goodluck to us job seekers

pix aftr the cut....

Who dares wins.

NeduLuiZ:
spare which life .... Kill the abokii and lets face human rights later

An eye for an eye make the world ____?

This one dey enter subconscious STRAIGHT!

Do not be alarmed gentlemen. A toy can never be a substitute for a man.

dovelike:
Congrats sister. People like you are the answers to all Nigeria ' s problems

Not those people that say 21 million Nigerians are mentally retarded.

Naija sun and breeze never touch that girl before.

She has never seen a blackout.

Enjoys excellent medicare and most likely enjoys a grade-1 diet.

Nature/nurture...

owobokiri:
After the world war, America took time to marshal out a detailed plan of rebuilding japan. The intention was clear, sincere and straightforward. The Americans took time to explain in practical terms to the Japanese that unlike timid cultures will think, war is not for ever. These policies created the feeling among many Japanese that the -Americans don't necessarily hate the Japanese because the Japanese are different, rather the difference was rightly pinned to the ultra nationalistic political structure in Japan before the war. So with Japans annihilation and capitulation, a new political class emerged. That political class was pro-west not just in outlook but also in policies. Agreements were signed for reconstruction and economic help as long as the Japanese remain in the western column. Japanese military was defanged in order to exorcise it of its hitherto pugnacious nature. . Agreements, treaties and understandings in place, a massive reconstruction effort managed by pro western politicians was activated by the US. . The outstanding success of that programme and the resulting massive improvements in living standards within a new Japan helped grow a pro-western Japanese population.

Compare that to say the Nigerian - Biafran war, where inspite of winning everything, the atavistic prehistoric cultural defaults of the winning parties grossly inhibited them from seeing the bigger picture. As a result instead of a well intentioned reconstruction programme to tame the debilitating consequences of that massive Nigerian genocidal efforts in the Biafran enclave, a starry eyed Gowon, his bunch of 15 century war commanders, together with his legion of clannishly bitter civilian evil accomplices embarked on an avalanche of diabolical witchhunts tailored to mesmerise, paupaurise and traumatise their supposed victims. Uptill today, the result of that brutish war has become a handy weapon used by the winning parties to jeer, taunt and endlessly insult the Biafrans. After a fake reconstruction policy under the 3 R, Nigerian governments seem to have settled for a systematic plan of annihilation of their victims in the east through a series of well crafted pauperisation policies that have succeeded in starving the east of any serious infrastructural build-up post war.. The result? A new anti Nigeria sentiments amongst a new generation of Biafrans who seem to loath Nigeria even far more than their fathers who fought Nigeria during the war.

My God...

Some people sabi speak English no be small.

Respect sir!

masseratti:
U r not a man,if you love her too,you have to love everything about her please

Olodo.