₦airaland Forum

@fresh-dude: sorry for d generalization. however, if we check d statements that guys make, d 'reasons' men send their wives packin, d 'qualities' expected of women b/4 they re married, well... i never said that i m only one whose fiancee is ready to invest in her but let's face it or say it like this: the amount of men ready to invest in their women is far fewer than women that are ready to. when a man messes up, we always hear 'have patience', 'men ll always be men', 'u re too proud to be lookin at his faults', etc etc but when a woman messes up, wat do people advice her guy to do thank care. have a splendid day!

@op: i feel wat u re goin thru. my advice is this: first of al, postpone d intro. this way, the pressure will be off. relationship is a very serious n taskin issue. u n d lady have to invest time n really get to know each other. just imagine that al u guys have been doin is child's play. sit down wit her for a heart to heart talk. start d talk by tellin her ur fears, dreams, desires, childhood, adol stage, every u can think of n ask her to tell u al too. don't condemn her wateva she tells u. tell her d kind of dream woman u wanted n that u have found her to be dat n she has dis n dis attitude that hurt u. also ask her wat u do to hurt her n note it n genuinely try to improve. also pray for each other n work genuinely change while each of u adapt to each other weaknesses. show her that u love her passionately n ll do anything as far as it is not wrong or unreasonable to make d relationship blissful. it is well wit u! invite us for ur wedding o!

@mrs chima: i m sure that if it were to be hamsky's male friend that were to be a control freak, he won't have made such a statement! men re not ready to work in their partners! no investment, saving etc but they want to reap MASSIVE dividends in terms of 'perfect' wife! have they checked/worked on themselves? do they know the flaws they have n re willin to improve? re they willing to help their women be better people? bring out the best in her? refine her in love? they just jam money n next thing, they re thinking of acquirin a beautiful washin/sex/baby making/cookin machine! let them sit down n learn wat it means to be a husband jor!

@mrs. chima: thanks! we re not yet officially engaged but our parents know each other n we have both decided to spend d rest of our lives with each other so we don't need to play games around or be keepin someone else at d side. i believe everyone chooses wat he or she wants so good for them. we women re quick to accept that men re not perfect but we al don't want to face d fact that women re human too. every man even d ill mannered ones re lookin for 'good' wives to marry! men re not ready to invest into their relationships n partners for them to be perfect! they want to reap where they have not sown! each one to his/her own! marriage is not a ticket to heaven o! take care n God Bless U and your family!

i congratulate d gal n her parents. i sincerely pray that she would achieve her dreams n make Nigeria proud. i pray she wouldn't mess up wit NFAs in school n that when she wants to get married, she ll marry a man that ll complement her, stand by her n help her get to the highest point and not the one that ll kill her dreams or be insecured at it. i pray that at the very end, she ll not gain d whole world n lose her soul. keep soaring gal!

@hamsky, everyone is a work in progress. if we re not control freaks, we re rude, selfish, liars, greedy, cuttin corners etc etc. if her hubby to be knows she's a control freak, he can help her if he really loves her. afteral, loving someone esp in a relationship/marriage is an investment! d dividends re numerous. since d gal knows, then d prob is half solved. showing her wit love that she can't control al situations or that when she orders him around, it hurts him would also go a long way. the man can also commit her to God in prayers n see d wonders He ll do. so she doesn't need a toy, just a man ready to love her unconditionally. ow re u? be blessed!

@mrs. chima: ow re u n ur family? na wa o! u just picked my posts n dissected it! if i didn't know better, i would say that u re a surgeon of ideas! lol! i wonder y people really don't read their Bibles! i have read wat love is n ma, it is woaw! if any man practices dat, his marriage would be heaven on earth b'cos when u please ur wife, she would be outdoin herself to please u! wat is even been assertive? was deborah in the Bible not an assertive woman? the most important thing is havin d Spirit of God! have a splendid day! regards to ur family!

@onegai: it seems u didn't read my first post well. i said if one is a christian with the fruits of the Holy Spirit(developing them), the person ll have some characteristics that i mentioned above. as someone said, find the man that suits u. that is wat courtship is for. the problem with we christians is that we don't read our Bibles or those that read select the part they read and don't even practice it. as a christian, what again should i use to pass across my points if not the Bible? i know i am not perfect and i am telling God to work in me daily. i am not the type of christian that mixes the way of God with culture. i always thrive to do wat is right irrespective of wat the culture says. i m not desperate to get married or ready to disobey God for my marriage to work, however, i m praying that God makes me the wife of prov 31: 10 - 31, my hubby 1cor 13: 1 - 8 and help us both to develop daily the fruit of the Holy Spirit. If God knew that a man cannot love his wife selflessly, He wouldn't have wasted His precious time saying so. P.S.: my hubby to be doesn't drink and IF he tells me such, i ll look for 100 things for us to do than him going out to drink. if i can't stop him from falling, what is the my use as a wife? have u read Ecc where solomon was talking about marriage/companionship? if the husband/wife is falling (doing something wrong/sinful), it is the duty of the wife/husband to bring the other back in line with love. as to jezebel been in everything her husband is doing, that is the right thing because they are one. the only wrong thing is that they were doing the wrong things. what of acquilla and priscilla? were they not always together? waht is the use of marriage if a woman is to be on the sidelines? however, each man to his/her own. have a splendid day!

it is a combination of my two names. taken by my Fiancee (hero) of course!

ok

@bennyraz: i don't know if we know each other or not as this is an anonymous forum but i appreciate the fact that you appreciate my views. however, you have not answered my question on the other tread or if you have, i have not checked. have a glorious day!

@onegai: a man cannot love like Jesus Christ but he is expecting total submission from the wife? lol! what a double standard! get this: Christ loved the Church perfectly even when we didn't know Him and now we did, how many people can boast of total sudmission to Jesus Christ? No single body! show me a man that says he has no sin and i ll show u a pathetic liar! read Eph 5:21 - end to know the biblical roles of husband and wives. read 1cor13:1 - 8 to know what God expects from husbands and prov 31:10 - 31 to know what He expects from wives. However, we are al work in progress so nobody is perfect. God Bless you!

@onegai: pls read your Bible well before saying some things! king xeres never told Esther to display her beauty; she was contesting to be the queen. read down n u ll see that when she needed to go to the king, she damned the consequences of been showing up without been summoned: that is not I-ll-do-anything-you-ask attitude1! it is if-i-perish-i-perish attitude! God blessed everyone wit common sense and i-m-pleasing-my-husband will not save u in God's sight if He finds you doing something wromg! if Sapphira could turn back the hands og time, she would have preferred to be 'kicked' out of ananias house than be the i-ll-please-my-king type of wife and end up in hell fire. if a woman would have problems, she would if she is assertive , aggressive or nice easygoing. don't get me wrong, if u read my previous post, u ll see that i don't support having an attitude or been rude. a woman should be submissive to her husband as long as what he decides is reasonable or not a sin. in an ideal home, the husband and wife would table the issues, make decisions and they pick the best one. afteral, it is for the both of them. everyone would be judged individually on the judgement day so the most important thing is pleasing God. for example: if God tells you as a lady not to wear trousers, u tell ur guy and he agrees. then years later, he says 'baby, i want you to wear trousers when we go out for occasions', what will you do? run and put them on because you want to save your home or be a submissive wife? there is a limit to everything. God bless you!

@babygirl: i m happy for u: @kalmebad: re u a christian? there is nothing like 'men re polygamous in nature' did God who created us tel u dat? d fact that some certain things re accepted in our society doesn't make it normal or God's way! thanks

d first question should be who is an assertive woman? most people mistake assertive for aggressive. most times people amaze me: when they hear a woman that knows her left from her right, they say she is rude, she ll be proud etc just as when a lady says she's equal to a guy, she is seen as rude, unmarriageable (like marriage is the ultimate) etc. been rude or proud is totally different from been assertive. as a christian (male or female), when u have d fruits of d Spirit, u ll be kind, patient, loving, faithful, hopeful, longsuffering, tolerant, have self control and peaceful. so been rude is not been assertive, it is been rude. @onegai: out of al d women u mentioned, it's jezebel that was odd and not because she was assertive but she was evil, an idol worshipper etc. check out the profile of a noble wife prov 31:10 - 31. n ur dad had no excuse to cheat on ur mom. God expects everybody to play their part if d other one does or not. we have a lot of women in the Bible who knew wat they wanted n did it however, they were not rude. @bennyraz: i don't know wat to say, i just wonder if it were ur friend's gf that was loose, if ur friend ll go that far. someone was usin d comparism of Jesus Christ n d Church. let me ask u: ow many men love their wives d way Jesus Christ loves His Church? u don't worship ur husband, u submit to him. it is only God alone that deserves our worship. sorry for d epistle! have a splendid day!

i ve always wondered something right from time: who made MEN d judge of women a lot of guys say women lost their respect b'cos of been loose but wasn't d woman wit a man? or wat is d percentage of lesb? if a gal dates a married man, is d married may worthy of respect? or a guy sleepin wit another guy's gal, does he have self control? is he worthy of respect? or a musician that goes to perform n is lookin for easy gals, is he not easy himself? it takes two to tango n birds of d same feather flock together! a loose man will attract a loose gal even if it is just for sex. i m not supporting wat d gals do but from this premise, all men that cheat on their gals/wives deserve no respect. @OP: it is our culture though a lot of men n women re sheddin away al those beliefs. have a splendid day!

i love d posts freeera posted! it shows he/she is very intelligent. he/she has said it ALL! i always wonder when d issue of equality come up, men always think that a woman wants to be rude etc etc. could it be b'cos deep down they know they re not treating women well wit respect? as a christian, i see myself equal wit al men BUT i don't see that as a licence to be rude or disrespectful! afteral, al christians should strive to exhibit d fruits of d Holy Spirit which re love, peace, joy, tolerance, kindness, patience, longsuffering, temprance n faith. let us note it didn't say christian men or christian women! so as a christian woman that believes that i m equal to a man, if i have d fruit of d Spirit, i ll have respect for al human beings n have no problems wit anyone!

@LagosShia: i have seen that u re deliberately tryin to proof d all portions of the Bible is not inspiration: go 2head! afteral, God is God enough to fight n defend His words; so y should i? i have done my part by tryin to explain things to u but u have decided to see wat u wat to see. well, i leave u in God's hands! have a good night rest.

@luckygames: i understand perfectly! afteral, some re from 'good' homes that don't possess d fruits of d Holy Spirit. besids, we re al work in progress though some people re so lazy to bring out d best in their partners and complement them. everyone is looking for good gal/guy to marry, do u know how d 'good' family started? let us stop 'reaping' where we didn't sow and go and leave our own legacies in our families. it is well o! ow re u?

d truth is that i can't comprehend y a genuine born again brother or sister would marry outside d faith. for those sayin there is nothing wrong wit it, i hope they read d question a muslim asked n d replied he got from his fellow muslims. this shows that both religions don't belief in d oda one so y should u punish ur children by giving them no strong spiritual legacy? nobody can be a christian and muslim at d same time. u are either a christian, muslim or neither.

this is a very beautiful topic as it challenges al christians that wat to do God's ll. i m currently in a relationship n it is not easy @ al. this yr made it 6yrs together. when we started, we were both not serious christians so u can imagine. along d line, we got closer to God n sex was stil a challenge. however, i noticed that it wasn't fun like before! at a time d Holy Spirit convicted me n i suddenly felt extremely dirty that i was really to end d relationship but my cousin adviced me (he's a pastor), al this happened immediately after my university. we went for service (our states was very near to each other) n stil fell once in a while but it was not as interestin as b4 n d feelin after is rock bottom! now after service, he has come to visit me about 3x at home (my parents) but nothing happened. when he comes around, we don't really feel turned on, instead we talk n go out. it is really not easy but it is worth it. one can approach God witout fear or a guilty conscience. though i ve never visited him at his place alone, i know that God ll c us thru.

@op: please be patient n prayerful n have a heart to heart talk wit him. u could also go out wit him alone as some people have suggested. he might be frustrated in his place of work or be goin thru some other problems. @house: i don't believe marriage is a one way street. it takes two to make it work. d husband SHOULD be sensitive to his wife's feelings even when he is frustrated, that is y he is a matured man n not a baby! i don't buy this idea of a woman endurin everything al in d name of makin a marriage work! d truth is dat a bitter woman would raise dysfunctional children! someone even said a woman is to please her hubby, fine! read that Bible passage n u ll c that a man is to please his wife too in everything! enough of this double standard for husbands n wives! ve a splendid day!

@0P: it doesn't matter wat a person's background is, as far as d person is in Christ, He/She becomes a new being. So many people raise above their backgrounds to become d best they can be in life!

dis tread is really interesting! however, for al dose for omo t( i m a fan of hers) cos she has given birth to 4kids,i just want to say this: i'veobserved from so many examples that ladies who give birth early esp durin late teens to early 20s ALMOST always bounce back to shape after a while cos their body is stil elastic! cheers! p.s. i vote mercy johnson!

d comments here re so funny n not so funny? wat is wrong wit a woman goin to d office to visit d husband unannounced? can't she pack a little lunch for him once in a while? some guys even said that office work is private! then, u don't know wat marriage means! don't some armed robbers tell their wives wat they do? i just have a question for d guys esp dayokanu: if u found ur wife in a similar position, wat ll u do?

i just have a question: if d OP's hubby met d OP in d same situation, would everyone esp d guys give him d same ad? i wonder to wat happened to 'do unto others (including ur wife/husby) as u want dem to do unto u'! @OP: pray n ask God for wisdom on how to handle d situation. it is well wit u. @al d guys in d house: ow many re christians? is this wat d Bible teaches u if a sister in ur church comes to u for advice on such an issue, is this wat u ll tell her? it is well o! i fear for our generation's marriages!

@mactunji: thanks once again. i never meant any harm or bias. @deols: won't descend so low as to start any religious or personal bashin. as a christian, i don't do that in real life n i don't c anyreason y i should do it here. @mactunji: if sayin one is better than d other makes me prejudiced, i m sorry. afteral, i don't know if it was specified in d Quran which one is acceptable. i was only givin my opinion on wat i see. take care

part of d short form of my first name n part of my middle name.