₦airaland Forum

@lagosShia: u didn't read my post or misunderstood it. i m usin my mobile fone so i can't really quote posts but i remember sayin that we re made holy by God's grace. I never said God condones sin; He is too holy to behold sin. He hates d sin but loves d sinner that's y He sent His only begotten son Jesus Christ to die for our sins n reconcile us back to Him. besides, al those people u mentioned re ordinary people and d only Person that is d mirror for Christian Living Is Jesus Christ and not David Or Moses Or anyone else. they were also tryin to walk wit God. The Bible records al their shortcomings, fears, deeds both good n bad so that we Christians of today that those that walked wit God before faced d same temptations and challenges we are facin or ll face and they either fell or didn't. we look @ those that fell n try to avoid wat made them fall and wat d Bible says about it. I m explaining this to u so dat next time u read d Bible or hear a story or wateva, u ll not just jump into conclusions. i m very sure u wouldn't like it if a read a story in d Quran n twist it to suit me or misinterprete it. God Bless!

@deols: i don't think i said anything bad or told anyone not to use hijab or obey d commandments of islam; i just gave my opinion and as far as i checked, that is not a crime since i didn't make any rude or discriminatin remark. pls reread my post wit an open mind n if u don't understand, ask me wat i mean. @mactunji: thanks!

i don't know wat i would have adviced d wife to do as i m not in her shoes but i find it soooo funny that a lot of people scream about forgiveness when d same Bible condemns infidelity! wat would Arnold have done if his wife did d same to him? maybe fathered a child for d family driver or something. May God help them al!

@lagos shia n sweetnecta: good evening. i don't want to discuss dis tread wit u both but i want to clear something for u both about the Bible: 1. the Bible contains a lot of things; sins people committed and d consequences of dat sin so if u re sayin a prophet or child of God did this or dat, find out if God condoled that action b/4 saying that Moses did this, David did that etc. God expressed it in d Bible that our righteousness (right acts) re like filthy rags! we are made right in d sight of God by Grace through Jesus Christ that's by people like David can be called a man after God's heart. So pls, don't misquote d Bible or should i say misunderstand? have a nice day!

@~kills~: i m serious! a lot of pple really have that mentality! an acquaintance once told me back @ school that d way i take my relationship was wrong! when i asked how, she told me i was in bondage cos i didn't date other guys or go out wit them! i only 'stuck' to my guy like i was married to him! lol! have a splendid day!

that i shouldn't trust my guy fully or show him i love him too much!

@joey82: it's simply b'cos we re not ready to put wat we learn into practice! it cuts across everything! marriages, education, religion etc. if we practice half of wat we learn, this world would be a better place! also, pple picks wateva suits/profits dem n dump d rest!

@neyostica: wat do u mean by helper n not partner?

most of advice i c here make me fear for this present n future generations esp in terms of marriage! she should endure serial cheatin b'cos? that's y it is said that dat 'not all dat glitters is gold!' if d woman attends a church regularly, she should report him to d pastor n they ll counsel him n if it doesn't work, she can be seperated from him til he changes. as to those sayin she should stay b'cos of her children, wat training would a bitter woman impart to her children or y do u think this al go in a circle? b'cos re brought up to believe that cheatin, disrespect, abuse is normal and keep d flame burning!

@OP: as a lot of people said, such women lack self respect. it is a diff situation when a man was seduced by a woman once n he falls n runs back home to tel his wife and a man that is a serial cheater. i wonder how women would allow their lovers who had been wit other women to touch them n ow a man would look into his wife's/gf's eyes n tell her he loves her after been in another woman's bed! get this: if u love someone, u wouldn't want to hurt them. even those women who have accepted their fate re 'dead' inside! they might smile, dress up, have money but i tell u, their spirit is crushed! u re killin them slowly/softly! to al d guys that say they where made that way, remember that God created 1 Adam n 1 Eve! i would who Adam would had have extra affairs with! #just wondering#

@MRbrown: after reading ur post, i had to go back n check ur sex. i have seen d struggle single mothers go thru to raise up their kids after d husband throws them out or abandon them. i m not sayin some mothers re not irresponsible or bad, but i don't think it is right for a woman to have struggled to bring up d kids n suddenly the man 'repents' n wants them back! if d man is truly sorry, he would want to establish a relationship wit his kids first through visits witout hurtin d mother. it only shows that d man is still thinking selfishly!

evening everyone, to al d muslims brothers n sisters: no part of d Bible is concealed or hidden else u won't have access to it. The Bible is life n not just the letter meaning that u don't just pick it up n read as a textbk, u need to Holy Spirit to inteprete d words to u to get wat God is sayin to u. i can't really remember al d points u raised n i can't go back cos i m usin a phone but i ll answer/clarify those i remember: al d people u mentioned are al men so they were prone to sin @ one time or d other. this just proves to up that there is no salvation in anyone apart from Jesus Christ. secondly, david sinned when he committed adultery wit bathsheba n God punished him by killing d baby n causing division in his house that manifested in rape, killings, etc etc. God forgave him when he repented in Psalm 51 but al d above are d consequences of his sin.

hello house, i'm not a muslim but would like to contribute. like a poster said, there re types of hijabs n scarfs one could use n stil look gud. seein most women wear this long shapeless hijabs that swallows them wit extra large skirts is a no no! there was a day i saw this muslim gal n she was woaw! she wrapped a scarf to cover her hair n neck n wore a long sleeved floor length gown n she looked so good n yet everywhere was covered! i met another lovely gal in camp that was a very beautiful muslim gal though she was more on scarfs but on sundays when goin for service had this wrap she used after her scarf n she looked beautiful witout exposin any part. i believed moderation is d key. d way we dress is d way we re addressed! naturally, a ill dressed person automatically turns others off! thanks n stay blessed!

i believe we should look @ d context at which those verses were written! Deborah was a judge in male dominated isreal n we know that a judge was d priest, prophet n king/queen. we should try to read d whole chapters or books b/4 we can really understand d word. 1pet 3:7b ...she's ur equal partner in God's gift of new life... read 1 cor14:26-40 n try to understand dat Paul was answering certain questions d corinthians asked him! lets even read d whole book of 1st cor to get d message. stay blessed!

@OP: this ur observation brings so many wrong things to light in our culture/society. i wonder y a gal/female feels she has to always be attached to a male figure to feel complete. if d lady genuinely wrongs d guy, she can decide to apologize in wateva manner she deemed fit though i ll never subscribe to a gal kneelin for her bf or a man she is not married to. BUT when everything is goin smoothly n d guy/husband says i m leavin; i would sit them down n have a soul to soul chat wit them. tell them ow i feel, ask if there re problems/issues, let them know that i love them so much n i would hurt so much to c them go (i am not afraid to tell my feelings) but i don't think i ll kneel n crawl at their feet! we should learn when to let go! u re sending signals that u can't function/survive witout them. are they God? God Bless!

however, d men re not entirely blameless... there is something called re-training: u can pick up good habits from others n learn! i know some nigerian men dat assist their wives al thru in house chores, even when d wife is doin something simple, they stay wit them n just keep her company! it doesn't make them less of a man or not d head of his home! anyways, i genuinely believe that any man that genuinely loves his wife ll help her if time/chance permits!

i agree wit d topic and i would like to add my 2kobo 1. it is women that caused this disadvantage. ow? the upbringing of d boy (husband to be) comes into place: ow many mothers allow their sons to participate actively in domestic chores? even when d son offers to help, they tell him d place of a woman is in d kitchen! ow many elder sons wash their clothes etc etc? al this while, they re unconsciously plantin inferior ideas into their female children. their brother is right in wateva he does! even if he is wrong, d daughter ll get married so y doesn't she learn to endure? 2. gals: b'cos of their inferiority complex, is ready to stomach wateva d spoilt guy does to them! 'afteral, al men re d same', 'it is natural for a man to cheat', 'men re scarce', '1001 ladies want to be in ur shoes' 'ile oko, ile eko ni' etc etc and close their eyes to wateva form of abuse he chooses 3. mother-in-laws: ow many MILs ll be happy to c their sons help their wives or treat her wit love n care? ow many FILs care about ow d wife looks at them or greet etc etc? i don't kn if it is b'cos such women never knew/enjoyed d love of their husbands n re jealous.

this s a very beautiful tread. it is hard to stay/sustain a marriage because we made it so. most times, during courtship we tend to pretend a lot! change d way we eat, talk, walk, view life etc u hear 'i don't do this, eat dat, go to such places' etc etc. we knowingly or otherwise tailor ourselves to who we think ll suit our partners forgettin dat we can't sustain such pretence for long(after marriage). others see marriage as an end! after d weddin day, they re like 'i ve achieved my purpose, i can now rest' n al d respect, love care is thrown out of d window! i m not saying it's easy but if we re sincere, know wat thru love is, we would want to get married! God Bless!

i ve gone thru d comments n it seems some people don't think dat a lady has her own personality, dreams, ambitions etc! d Bible says: 'can 2 walk together unless they be agreed?' Amos 3:3! some even said if she refuses to comply, a 1001 gals re waiting! wel, i won't like to think i m replaceable to d man i want to marry or am among d 1002 ladies he could choose! men do not do women a favour by marryin them. @OP: speak wit him in love n try to reason wit him. if he refuses to bulge, check for inner peace. if u have inner peace, go ahead but if not, patiently wait b'cos a broken courtship is better than a broken marriage! cheers! wish u al d best

if u love someone, u would want to be committed to them! is d guy tryin to say dat if he sees a 'better' person he would end d relationship? since 'he is as free as a bird' now. from time past, couples engage in relationships/courtships to c if they re compatible for marriage. so if he doesn't want to get married, y is he in a relationship?

@OP: i am not married but i have this to say. communication is very important in marriage. ask him y he wants u to change it officially. afteral, a lot of people's everyday names is not official. also lovingly tell him ow important d name is in ur culture n al dat n den finally pray. God Bless U!

it seems nowadays, we don't know d reason behind marriage. when two pple re married, they become one. ur question should be: do we genuinely love each other, do we understand each other, do we trust each oda? besides wat re d things u plan to do to her dat u feel being a lawyer would make her know her 'right' n react? u ve not gotten married n nairalanders re already advisin u ow to go about divorce! don't marry because u feel u re old enough, marry when u have found d bone of ur bone n d flesh of ur flesh! stay blessed!

this is a very interesting discuss and i ve gone thru most of d replies here. while we can't dispute that in d olden marriages, there was more 'commitment', i til prefer d modern system. a man is now expected to cherish, love n respect his wife n vice versa. a lot of pple say a modern woman is not submissive but it would depend on wat u call been submissive. i m not saying there re no rude women or al re saints but i think a lot of pple especially men prefer d old way because they re very 'lazy' at workin out d relationship wit d wife. it takes a lot of courage, diligence, hardwork, sensitivity etc to love a person n dat, a lot of men seem not to possess. they feel they can just do anything n get away wit it like in d days of old! some pple even say women should endure, manage etc etc. wat sort of language is dat? i am not an advocate for divorce but y should a person get married when he/she is not prepared to make it work? women should also try to be more supportive of their husbands in his thots, ideas, in lack/need, actions, in pain etc etc. read 1cor13 : 4-7 for wat true love really is!