₦airaland Forum

Mama Iyabo's story
By Reuben Abati

Obasanjo is a curious subject, When he visited Ikeja Cantonment in January 2001 shortly after the bomb blast, he did not visit the family at GRA Ikeja nor phone to find out how we fared, knowing close we lived to the Cantonment! Obasanjo is complex and a master of the art of deception, Obasanjo is hardworking, strong-willed but short-tempered. He is self-opinionated. This has become worse nowadays. Unfortunately he does not forget nor does he forgive. That may be traced to the nature of his upbringing. The war affected Obasanjo as it did Adekunle.
Before the war, Obasanjo, the husband, was homely and fatherly. When I had Iyabo, he would tie her on his back and play with her about the yard. He was already a Lieutenant Colonel. After the Third Marine charge, he became temperamental and easily irritated, But when it is time for big time functions, Obasanjo plays the part. He would mix freely with dignitaries at home and abroad, He transforms easily as the situation dictates because he is very unpredictable. He is a great actor. He is also a good cook. He is bohemian and can be an exploiter.
- Esther Oluremi Obasanjo, Bitter-Sweet - My Life With Obasanjo (Diamond Publications, 2008)

I HAVE read quite a number of books this year, but the most entertaining is Mrs. Oluremi Obasanjo's Bitter-Sweet-My Life With Obasanjo. The publication of excerpts from the book by Vanguard newspaper and City People, and a front page reaction by The Sun to an error of fact on page 112 of the book, had given early indications that this is a book that could easily become a cause celebre. Obasanjo's biography is public material, and he is in Nigerian politics and history, a legend of sorts, given his pre-eminence in Nigerian affairs since 1970 when as Commander of the Third Marine Commando, he had received the instrument of surrender from the fleeing Biafran Army Command. Since then, Obasanjo has served Nigeria, Africa and the world in many capacities and without doubt, he'd be remembered as one of the most important Nigerians of the 20th, if not the 21st century. But, in this new biography, a character portrait of Obasanjo is offered by someone who should know him: Mama Iyabo, mother of six of his children and by her own insistence: his only wife: a recurrent phrase in the book.

Bitter-Sweet is a cross between a romance tale, an autobiography, a testimonial and a kiss and tell thriller. No future biography of Obasanjo would be complete without a reading of Mrs. Oluremi Obasanjo's Bitter-Sweet: My Life With Obasanjo. What is that clich? again, about a scorned woman? "Hell hath no fiery like a woman scorned." There is so much fury in this book, coming from a woman whom Obasanjo wooed and married but who has been treated badly, shabbily, cheated and humiliated at every turn by a husband who became famous and lost his humility. The author outlines, without sparing any details, her sweet and bitter experiences as Mrs. Obasanjo. On the average, the former President comes across, to borrow one of his wife's favourite expressions as "a negative person". If a book can be used to settle scores, and exact revenge, this book does precisely that. Here, Mrs. Oluremi Obasanjo unburdens her mind. We find a hurt and angry wife, using writing as therapy and catharsis. And she does so expertly, her narrative is compelling, the linguistic flow is impressive, the story is unforgettable. It is an expos? on a peculiar marriage and the suffering of a woman and her six children in the hands of a more peculiar husband and father.

The author tells the story of how she and Obasanjo had met in the mid-sixties in Abeokuta, their home-town. They attended the same church. Obasanjo was a student of Baptist Boys High School, located then at Oke-Egunya. Remi Obasanjo was the daughter of a comfortable Railway Station Master, at a time when the Railway was such an important social institution, which knitted Nigeria together. Obasanjo was a poor lad who was fond of "wearing an agbada on Khaki trousers." He wore no shoes, even the cheap tennis shoes, sold for 7 shilling and 6 pence students wore then. He was so indigent, he washed "benches and plates in school to pay his way", and worked "as a labourer to make ends meet."

But he loved the then Miss Oluremi Akinlawon. He pestered her with letters, doted on her. He was such a loving and humble suitor, the young lady's parents regarded him as one of their beloved sons. Obasanjo joined the Army and although, he moved from Kaduna to England, to Congo, he remained in touch with the lady of his dreams, writing letters to her frequently and profusely, as many as four letters a week. She would later join him in England, where they got married on Saturday, June 22, 1963 at Canberwell Green Registry, SE London. The young Obasanjo was so loving he cooked for his wife, washed her clothes, waited on her, encouraged her to read books and even allowed her to stay back in England, while he returned to Nigeria and later went on to India, to enable her complete her HND in Institutional Management. When the babies began to arrive, Obasanjo on the first two occasions, was so loving even the hospital staff remarked upon his romantic nature!

Expectedly, Bitter-Sweet lives up to the billing of a soldier's wife's narrative. When Mrs. Obasanjo returned to Nigeria after the completion of her studies, to join her husband, she had an opportunity to observe the military institution at close quarters and here, all through the pages, she offers useful insights into the character of some of the officers of the Nigerian Army, the web of relationships and intrigues within the military, and the role of Army Officers Wives. There is instructive material here, on Chukwuma Nzeogwu, Aguiyi Ironsi, Murtala Mohammed, Yakubu Gowon, Musa Yar'Adua, T.Y. Danjuma, Col. Sodeinde, M.D. Yusuf, Hassan Katsina (Obasanjo benefactor in the Army) and outsiders like MKO Abiola who Obasanjo once reported to the Alake, for "interfering in his affairs". Even more on the July 1966 coup, and the slaughter of non-Hausa/Fulani military officers in the North. Kaduna became unliveable for the Obasanjos, as killers looked "for the Yoruba man with a red Peugeot car." Igbo engineers and other southern officers whose wives had welcomed Mrs. Obasanjo to Kaduna were shot and killed.

In the early years of the marriage, Obasanjo was "a conscientious officer, dutiful and loving husband", and during this period, the author carefully documents her husband's strong points. He was the Father Christmas who gave the best presents to his daughter, the dutiful son-in-law who honoured his father-in-law by giving him a befitting burial, a loyal friend who was passionate about Chukwuma Nzeogwu, a dutiful husband who cared for his family, and provided for his wife's needs, an astute manager of resources. Mrs. Obasanjo in the early pages further praises her husband's industry, his love of books and his intellectual gifts. She talks about the most "triumphant period" of her family life. When Obasanjo returned from the war-front in 1970, she was by his side as the Egbas honoured their son. "Obasanjo was that day a unifying force in Egbaland. It was grand, yet my husband was an epitome of humility," she says.

But all that soon changed, and the root of it is what Mrs. Obasanjo calls her husband's "monumental moral indiscipline" (p.59). From Chapters 11-19, the author furiously but in elegant prose still, reports on Obasanjo's character problem. The immediate cause of the crack in the marriage was Obasanjo's philandering. His dalliance with women of different extraction: older women, wives of other army officers, including close associates, other married women, including a Vice Principal of Queen's College. Mrs. Obasanjo names the women and paints them in terrible strokes. It is shocking that these women, if they are still alive are not yet rushing to the press to defend their honour. Mrs. Mowo Sofowora, Mrs. Labo Salako, Mrs. Alo etc. "My husband's womanizing knows no bounds," she writes.

But she is honest enough to report that whenever the occasion arose she never wasted an opportunity to slap, beat and kick other Obasanjo women. On one occasion, she dug her teeth into a rival's breasts. And she engaged in endless bouts via telephone. Stella Abebe, as she insists on referring to her, was a special adversary and in this book, she dispenses with the nicety that one should not speak ill of the dead. Her portrait of Stella Obasanjo, Nigeria's First Lady, 1999-2005, is most unflattering. For insisting on her rights as Obasanjo's wife, the author received a lot of beatings from Obasanjo. The book is littered with details of how Obasanjo slapped, kicked and assaulted her endlessly and tortured her psychologically.

Her humiliation by the man who once loved her is saddening. But Mrs. Obasanjo extracts her pound of flesh through this book by dismissing Obasanjo's other women as "concubines" and opportunists, and by presenting Obasanjo himself as a morally empty character, a wife-beater, an adulterer, a wife-snatcher, a fetish man who engaged in rituals and rites , a man who drove his wife out, on one occasion got her arrested and detained, and even threatened to kill her younger brother. Matters came to a head when Obasanjo got a contrived divorce judgement, with the help of a compromised judge. And so, Mrs. Obasanjo writes: "Happenings in government during Obasanjo's 2nd term in office as President of the Federal Republic about a bill from the National Assembly being doctored and signed surreptitiously into law did not surprise me. If a divorce could be plotted and obtained without the participation of the other side, what else can't happen with my man?"

Obasanjo starved his wife and children of funds. He even refused to pay the hospital bill for their sixth child, Enitan. "It was M.D. Yusuf who paid the hospital bill" (p.81), he'd do so again a second time. When one of the children, Dayo died, Obasanjo broke the news to his wife rather callously. But this was at every turn, a love-hate relationship. In spite of the Kangaroo divorce, husband and wife still managed to come together, only to part again, or engage in physical combat because of "his extra-marital indiscipline." They disagreed frequently on the upbringing of their children. When Obasanjo was seeking to become the UN Secretary-General, Mrs. Remi Obasanjo campaigned publicly against her husband. Why? She didn't want Stella Abebe hugging the limelight as the wife of the UN Secretary-General! And because she believes that "Brilliance should not be the only criterion for considering people for management. Character matters more than papers." (p.107).

It is not only Obasanjo that would read this book and be angry. Mrs. Obasanjo has an unkind word for so many people. These include Obasanjo's only sister, Adunni Oluwola, Dr. Onaolapo Soleye, Sunday Fajinmi, Gbolade Adewusi, Mr. Kosemani, one Mokuola, one Owulade, Professor Jerry Gana, Basiru, and even Wole Adebayo Jnr. She is however, grateful to everyone who supported her and her children, whom she raised without the support of their father and who, as adults, she insists, have become victims of the name, Obasanjo and their father's politics as "the emperor of Nigeria" (p. 124).

Bitter-Sweet is a one-sided, emotional book. Having written it, Mrs. Obasanjo must be at peace with herself. This is probably a case study of the agony of women who are married to public figures and celebrities and are victims of "unrequited love". Many in her situation, never get a chance to tell their story. Women's rights activists and marriage counsellors will find Bitter-Sweet invaluable as reference material, Obasanjo's critics will latch on to it as fresh weapon, but the general reader will love it.

http://www.ngrguardiannews.com/editorial_opinion/article02//indexn2_html?pdate=211108&ptitle=Mama%20Iyabo's%20story

well as it is applicable to alot of men's situation so it also happens when you show some friendliness ,kindness and generousity to females too,I had such experience in my office when i assisted an office assistant during trial moments financially while she was a student in part time at the university and do give her lift to her part of the town almost daily,she mistook it for interest and started making dirty moves but alas i waka oo cos i know want wahala,so it's vice-versa

Where can i get car wax (Carnauba Was) ,car polish (Turtle Wax) and interior cleaner (Spray Cleaner-Turtle Wax) for my car in 9ja, i don't mind if those of you abroad can assist to buy and ship we can negotiate and conclude as per payment.

of course we are responsible for our decisions good or bad and i sure miss her as a friend even though i try as much possible to avoid any contact that will lead to anything as a result of what she feel somewhere in her heart for me too.

@senatorJD, you might be right with your question but i want you to know that at some certain point in life we are responsible for our decisions and for these decision i made i take absolute responsibility and i still miss the next person as a friend.

my brother,what you are about to do it isnt easy atall,i have been these situation before and i tell you 4yrs after marriage to the other person, it still hurts my heart so bad that i took that decision even though i have the best of marriage now,you need to be careful, take things easy,never trust what came in a flash and lastly pray and commit both ladies into God's hand,am sure God will lead you.

bros include pictures here,that's d koko on nairaland if not end of discussion.

yes, i have dumped someone whom i love so much but it wasn't easy, i just had to let go otherwise i will be wasting her precious time and moreover i was choosing between her and my wifey at that point, i still miss her so deeply till today but i try to avoid her so that we don't do anything stupid becos whenever we gist the chmistry is very much alive even after 4 yrs of seperation even though we are both married

@hotmess,sistawoman has raised some important questions,pls give answers and that will give us a better lead.

drop your pics and contact to anjola9ja@yahoo.com

i love this beach rave , i hope and pray i will be available on Nov. 29th,keep up the good job guyz

@troee,like sillyboy mentioned cultism differs and i will advise you do your research again about pyrate ,we will never beat anyone to join us nor kill anyone, i am a proud pyrate member even though i left school since 1999, i shall still rmeain one for life.

@sillyboy,make you leave all this lobbers alone,wetin be your achor and how is your farm?

@inspired make sure you compensate INEMA with these one o otherwise those of us wey base for nigerdelta go kidnap you and that time your bail out go be mercedes benz FT700

pls pls and pls let stop over flogging these issue, this guy can marry these babe and they will leave happily thereafter, i have sent him a mail to let him know these, i am positive myself and i am married with wife and daughter are still negative even after three years of marriage, we didnt have to go through all the momo jumbo we only had to go through straightforward medical routines and i say it with all boldness that if you see me you can never tell that i am positive

my broda the test to confirm is she is negative or positive advisably should be carried out 90 days after the rape and if that has been done and she is still negative then that means her immune level is very high and active and that is her saving grace.

what's the full meaning of dvcf?i work in an oil and gas,provide me with full meaning then i might be of help.

@eustace u crake me up you know,a toyota corolla 2004 being sold for 1 m and you are still asking for last price,abeg if you get at it at this rate elsewhere (if not that inspire is doing a bonanza for 100 cars sold) pls don't buy.

ahoy broda make u leave all dis lobbers alone haba!

gurlfriend Nope,my wife yes i do it every saturday

Maybe all of us or few of us am sure must have passed through these bridge before,but i think we need to speak up on these bridge before it is too late,our govt. is doing another baba-go-slow session, i just hope that these bridge will not collapse and at the end of the day these same go-slow govt. will spend millions of naira to arrange burial ceremony and send condolences,i just hope and pray that out govt. will attend to these bridge now to avoid chaos that we are never ready for as a nation.

my wife is two years older

where exactly is your location that wya i can assist you with a good honda mechanic.

@robert ,some opinion here are right while some are completely wrong but i have sent a detailed mail to your email address on how to go about these,i am positive but married to a lady who is negative,i also have a daughter (3yrs old)who have tested over and over again and she has remained negative too,so there is a way to go about these but only from the experts or those who are presently going through it or have experience with such situations.

I will advise you don't put a tracker on your new sweet lexus,i have seen cases where robbers request from a car owner if thee car is on tracker and he mentioned yes and was shoot instantly,we don't pray for any negative thing to happen to any of us,but my simple believe is that it will never happen to me and so it won't happen to you too,my 2cent for you.

yes,ladies from seperated homes can go their parents way in the future and that's a known fact