₦airaland Forum

beauty is in the eyes of the beholder

Hey Mohawk.

I love the first joke at the beginning of the thread. Gotta share this one with my friends and family. heheheheheeee

I am lost with this one. Obviously the joke is about the pic. can someone point or explain the joke

lmbao. love this one

READING AND WRITING

They were booking in Nedd at the prison.
Prison Officer: "Can you read and write?"
Nedd: "I can write, not read."
Prison Officer (pausing): "Write your name here, then."
The prisoner made a scrawl the prison officer could not make out.
Prison Officer: "What's that?"
Nedd: "I don't know."
Prison Officer: "What do you mean you don't know?"
Nedd: "Officer I told you I can write, but I can't read."

hey Goab

The American Passport had me in stitches. wow!!!

@poster

still remains one of my favorite

I try to know more about Nigeria and its culture

her boyfriend looks creepy

Plural number is number that expresses reference to a quantity greater than that expressed by the largest specific number category in a language, such as "more than one" in English, and "more than two" in some other languages

I'll convert to Christianity

Suppose I was a bowl of Banga soup

water carrier

drink plenty water and try taking a shot of wheat grass every morning

Marriage because back in the days it was all about Bartering

to be or not to be

angry man

May All Be Filled With Joy and Peace

May all be filled with joy and peace.
May all beings everywhere,
The strong and the weak,
The great and the small,
The meek and the powerful,
The short and the long,
The subtle and the gross:

May all beings everywhere,
Both seen and unseen,
Dwelling far off or nearby,
Being, or waiting to become:
May all be filled with lasting joy.

Let no one deceive another,
Let no one anywhere despise another,
Let no one out of anger or resentment
Wish suffering to anyone at all.

Just as a mother with her own life
Protects her child, her only child, from hurt,
So within yourself let grow
A boundless love for all creatures.

Let your love flow outward through the whole universe
To its full height, depth, and broad extent,
Then, as you stand or walk,
Sit or lie down,
As long as you are awake,
Strive for this with a onepointed mind:
Your life will bring heaven to earth.


- Translated by Stephen H. Ruppenthal

let not your heart be troubled. enjoy life

Have a Blessed week everyone

Good Night and Good Luck

I'll close my eyes and squeeze your nipples


what if i tell you my job is sending me to England for one week

sexy eyes

I'll be your first lady

What if we had twins(boy and girl), what would you name them?

grave digger

Why can't you be man enough and say what she did?

Prayer of Repentance

Merciful God,
we have sinned
in what we have thought and said,
in the wrong we have done
and in the good we have not done.
We have sinned in ignorance:
we have sinned in weakness:
we have sinned through our own deliberate fault.
We are truly sorry.
We repent and turn to you.
Forgive us, for our Saviour Christ's sake,
and renew our lives to the glory of your name.

Dear God, thank you for inviting me to your golden palace. I love it here already. I wish I could stay forever. Maybe, I can get a contract to build one of the streets of gold for you.

You are welcome my son. Don't get used to this place. You are only here for a chat. Now, what can I do for you?

Yes, dear Almighty, I've a burning question on my mind.

What is it, my dear son?

Why did you create the Nigerian?

Oh my son, that is a very good question that I, God Himself, cannot answer. I'm not sure myself. Many people have asked me that question.

Many people?

Yes.

Who are these people?

Foreigners who have died in Nigeria lured there by 419 scam artists. Most of them have asked why I created the Nigerian because they believe that you people are all corrupt.

Why do you say that?

You see, my son. There is a joke going around in heaven.

A joke?

Yes, my son, a joke about you people, Nigerians.

What is the joke?

Remember the song you used to sing when you were in primary and secondary school?

What song, my fat">father?

The song about "All things bright and beautiful, "

Yes, my God, I remember the song very well. But what I don't understand is that how is that a joke?

Listen my son, this is the joke and I will sing the song for you.

Yes, please go ahead, heavenly fat">father.

Listen carefully;

All things bright and beautiful All creatures great and small.
All things wise and wonderful And Nigerians ruined them all.

Oh, that was funny. You mean we Nigerians ruined your creation?

Yes, you people are very corrupt to the point that I'm thinking about finishing all your corrupt leaders as I did with Abacha.

That would be very nice, my God. Our leaders have finished us. I think most common Nigerians would welcome that. These our leaders are all corrupt. Look at what they did to Marshal Harry because of politics.

Yes, I knew of that even before it happened.

Who did it, my God?

I cannot tell you now, on judgement day, I will make them pay for their crimes.

Ok, my God, another question.

Yes, go ahead, my son.

Who killed Dele Giwa?

Ha, my son, you are very curious.

Yes God, every good journalist should be curious.

You know the killer of Giwa.

Who is that?

That is all I can say for now. On judgement day, I shall make sure that the murderer of Giwa also pays for his crimes.

My God, please tell me, is there a special place for the Nigerian in hell?

Yes, it's called Hell-Gate That is the Nigerian ghetto in hell. There are a lot of you people there already causing trouble for me and the angels. Even Satan is complaining about you people. You already have a bad reputation in hell.

What kind of trouble?

You people are sending emails to people on earth from hell telling them that you have millions of brimstones that you want to transfer to earth and asking them to send you money for the transfer. You people took out all the furnace and installed air conditioners everywhere. I also found out that you people installed big speakers and music systems and are having your "owambe" parties in your flowing agbada which I confess has kept the grounds of hell clean.

Is that so?

Yes, my son.

Also, some of your senators here are trying to impeach Satan. They have bribed all the demons to vote against him in a special impeachment session.

Why will they want to impeach Satan?

As you know, Satan controls everyone and everything in hell and you Nigerians always want power so you can embezzle.

But what can they embezzle in hell?

The firewood and the gasoline that fuels the fire so they can sell it on the Black market in hell.

So hell has a Black market?

Yes, and it is run by you people, Nigerians.

Oh, that is very funny, my God.

I'm glad you found it funny.

But, dear Pakistan. You have got to give us some credit.

Well, my son, if I were you, I would not say that loud.

Why?

Didn't you Nigerians bribe the Pakistanis to take the first place on the list?

Father, I've another burning question on my mind.

What is that?

Please tell me, will an Igbo man ever be an elected president of Nigeria?

Yes, my son, but not until after the year 2020.

Very well. Will an Ijaw man from the Niger Delta ever become an elected president of Nigeria?

Yes, my son, but not in your lifetime.

Hmmm. One more question my God.

Go ahead, ask.

When will our National Assembly members stop their corrupt ways and pass a meaningful bill that would actually improve the lives of Nigerians?

My son, that is a very tough question. I must consult with the angels on this one. Please give me a few minutes.

Please, take all the time, my dear God.

My son, I've an answer for you.

What is it, dear Holy one?

Not ever!

@poster

oldie, but still makes me laugh

;d ;d

@poster:

Try reading the book/watch movie

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0399901/

A doctor says to his patient, “I have bad news and worse news”.

“Oh dear, what's the bad news?” asks the patient.

The doctor replies, “You only have 24 hours to live.”

“That's terrible”, said the patient. “How can the news possibly be worse?”

The doctor replies, “I've been trying to contact you since yesterday.”

@ tuff -Thanks