₦airaland Forum

that tosh is a real t0sser! After 15 years of eating a variety of food, it will be hard on the digestive system to just starting eating pure Nja food especially the heavy, starchy food and very few vegetables and fruits.

Nigerians find food expensive - and it is expensive for a lot of people compared to the cost of food in the western countries. Apart from relative cost, people eat more fresh food (lack of electricity to preserve food and culture) and fresh is expensive and one need to go to the market often.

After 15 years, you will need to buy gifts. A pain depending on how big your family and extended family is, Buy small items that can be easily carried and preferably non-consumables- dont go crazy about gifts because you can never satisfy everyone. For close members of the family or loved ones, you can ask them to give you ideas but once you do that, it might be hard not to buy what they want. Or you one person to give you ideas about others and then you buy what you want. Dont give out everything straightaway - keep some small stuff like shaving sticks, socks, vest, t-shirts, beady necklaces and bracelets, tolietries, not too expensive perfume body lotion or perfume, toys and so on for the people that just turn up.

Try to be generous to people that help you - taxis drivers, house helpers, escorts and other hangers on. * Also take your drivers licence, birth certificate and other docs; and try to get a Nigerian passport if you dont have one (photocopy the docs).

I dont understand why the objector had to bring other African countries into it. Are you trying to say that there are no Ghanians or other Africans that have stayed abroad without going home for many many years?

I went back recently after about 11 years and I did ask a few questions about the situation at the Airport because of previous bad experiences and the need to bribe or being delayed. I got good info that laid my mind to rest.

To be honest with you, it depends on where you are going and who is waiting for you over in Nja. Getting around might be a problem unless you have a great power of recall, very streetwise and perhaps you are going to a small town/village. There is more okadas (motorcycles) than ever before. Electricity and water supply has got worse than 15 years ago. Mobile phones everywhere but it kinda expensive in the long run - people speak very quickly to each other. I am disppointed that Land lines (NITEL) are virtually non-existent except for big cities and companies.

I bought my Malaria tablet over in Nigeria - although you are supposed to have taken some weeks before getting to a malaria infested country. I also got my Yellow fever & Cholera in Nigeria - mine was just 1 year out. Stick with bottles water (not bore-hole or pure water) for a while until your stomach is settled (keep hydrated).

Also keep a reasonably low profile esp if going to the East or out in big cities (muggers just like any big city in the world). Dont change money at the airport but change money quickly and get used to the bank notes (they have changed). Dont flash 500 and 100 nairas about and let the people tha know buy and haggle for you.

You need an unlocked phone - can be a hassle trying to unlock in Nja or borrow one. I think MTN network cards are the best

I think I might have been abroad too long, I just thought that the way he recounted the story was just straight and no mincing and he had already been saying that there was a problem back home.

I agree that running abroad after stealing money from your family members is rather extreme. He could have paid the mony back instead of wasting it trying to travel and the toothbrush part was just an embellishment. Also he could have hidden in other parts of the country.

In fact, I am beginning to think that he might be an armed robber himself, But then you are persuading me from my compassionate view. Look, the thing with Asylum seekers and being put in immigration centre in UK is that sometimes they escape or they let them out or they even give them Asylum.
Working in UK is not that easy these days but it still possible to work in the black market or do dodgy stuff. And that might still be better than being n Nigeria - as long as one does not worry about status. As they say, money from sh1t does not smell.

The programme just keep cutting to Lagos and bashing Nigeria using the same phrases and so on, There will be much more to do with Nja with these programme

I suppose there is some play-acting going on for the camera. But, I believe these people do go through due process as opposed to waht we do to our own citizens at the Nigerian High Commissions all over the world.

I doubt anything is done without authorisation, but, yes, it might not be played out in the same way as we see on the programme. The Nigerian official appears to be shown to go straight to the point as per her conclusion.

But, you have to give them credit for even entertaining the volume of application and having to deal with a high level of stupidity (perceived smartness) and barefaced lie, fraud and criminality.

Well, UK like their cheap labour and they do get money for visa apps and they know most Nigerians will probably waste their money studying at very high cost in their Universities and work hard for little money whilst paying direct and indirect taxes.

Farmer was funny (it took 3 months to get emergency travel docs, ), Benson was even funnier in a not so funny cringy kind of way but Babcock man was just pathetic. Benson deserves and OSCAR for his lie about his age and his story but somehow I did feel for him; and still in doubt whether the story about his parents are true or not - 65% truth for me.

Not Benson but the first one - the stupid lecturer? at Babcock

I am surprised the fella went through with his lie and equally surprised that the British High Commission or person in charge spent that much time on him: he even went to his supervisor to confirm denial when it was so damn obvious.

All I know what an say is that the Brits know what is happening, they make some money from non-refundable visa fees and try to keep reasonable dipomatic ties with Nigeria by letting through some people; amongst then those with questionable applications.

Deos Babcock University actually only have 50 students. I have seen the campus and many of their vehicles and it does look big to me. The guy was not that clever and should have done better with his preparation and answers.

Benson or whatever his name is should go and do something to the stupid agent that lends people the same jacket, shirt and tie to take passport photographs and one that produces very obvious fakes.

And he got away free - no prosecution or caution or anything. Where is the deterrent?

Poster, you did not indicate in your original when you divorce came through and what sort of punishment legal or otherwise can you give to somene you have already divorced. So the pregnancy with the other woman is not relevant unless you still want him back or dont want him to have babies with others (maybe yet).

So I guess the news of the pregnancy was heard just a few days ago cos you said it was fresh, Either way, you are now divorced, the main issue now is the kids you had together.

Never mind my post (about the village girl), just a distraction and support of what you said about Yorubas and Nigerians and their religion. I am a Nigerian and I have been wary of dealing with Nigerias for a long time - I dont get them even when I grew up in Nigeria. But unlike youself, I will strife to find good Nigerians (there are many in Nigeria not the many hustlers abroad) to interact with and eventually marry.

funky baby, love at first sight still exist. It is not just for celebrities, you know where is your sense of adventure - I have been cautious all my life.
Anyway, I never said I was going to send her the money and if she did not give a date of needing the money, then it would have been a scam. I dont know about Nigerian ways but I know Nigerians tend to come across business opportunities (doing runs like some will say); so he might have a genuine business to do. But she should have told me and should not ask strangers for money - maybe it is some weird Nigerian woman test

My eyes are firmly opened, it is only money. I would have spent a lot more money to get her here in the UK on a visit (as advised by funkybaby) and she could have disappeared into the system. Do I care if another immigrant disappear into the UK, No! I will never grass on any illegals!
If a member of the family ask for money like that, what would you have done even if you suspect that you will never get the money back. She could still a decent person compared to a lot of other Nigerian so I am not condemning her as a scam or bad person.

In fact, my mum and granny had a quarrel when I was in Nja because my mum let it slip to a relative that my gran has money from rents and the person went and borrowed money from gran - she could not avoid him. He has not paid back and is avoiding gran and gran is now worried that the man might go and do juju to her. Also an aunt gave a large amount to a distant family member to buy a car from another african country, he bought the wrong one and was told to go and change it and he has not been able to produce a newcar or the ony for a long time. Nigeriansmake me cuckle thinking about things

funky - you gave good advice but even advice will have been very expensive and might have lead to me being scammed. People in UK get scammed as well. I was not going to marry her on the say so of family but it helps if they monitor things and are supportive. I did say I was going to go to Nigeria to sort things out. I still think i things work out it will be better than trying to find a Nigerian girl in the UK.

Anyway, the issue is not just about this girl but the Nigerian way. And that I why contributed to this thread. Look, I am not religious and will happily sleep with someone who attached - consenting adults and all that.

I have not concluded this girl is a scammer but I dont lend people money and was disappointed she asked. And borrowing money is a Nigerian way - we can be shameless sometimes.

Then there is the issue of religion whch ties to this current thread. Even the religious(so-called born-again) people in Nigeria do some weird stuff

Hold your fire guys. I am not desperate and not quick to judge. When I used village, it is just to say she is from the same tribal and micro-group as myself.

So poster, how did you meet this fella. And why come to Nigeria to get married. Is it really a sham marriage? If it is then the two of you are equally guilty. Best to move on.

Yes, she lives in our village (a small town really). But she is a Lagos girl. I never thought she was a bush girl. She is actually managing a business for a client in the village - still not high life or high society, I know. But she is a graduate and sounds very clever. Some of my folks have spoken to her and she always sounds alright and reasonable on the phone.

At least, she was honest about the boyfriend but she ad asked me a lot of question so she was bound to be questioned too. And people must have seen her with the fella. I did not know she has a boyfriend and still dont know the extent or seriousness of the relationship. Anyway, it appears normal for njas to have backup partners or bf/gf - it is not to myself but then maybe I am naive or not just a player. Even my bro said there will be competiton - what does that mean?

It is not only the boyfriend issue but asking for money whether genuine or not is just not on in my world - I cannot respect people asking for money just because, If I was not there what would she have done. The same thinking also applies to family members that does the same but they are family - you dont choose them. But having a boyfriend and thinking of being with some else is not very christain in my view.

I dont think all marriages for green card are auto illegal or sham. This leady went to the registry of her volition and signed in front of witnesses, so she is legally married to this bloke. It is the same registry marriages that US/UK and others accept to have one's spouse over, so it is legal unless he paid this lady and there is evidence of the sham/scam.

I understand the American lady because bigamy is technically not allowed - a crime? (maybe).

The thing to do is to start a divorce process in the US and he will not be there to contest it, then you will be in the clear. That way, you will cover yourself. If he is without trace for lets say 2 years, then it will be an easy process. Talk to a solicitor or advice bureau or women refuge/well being thingy

I have not told her I am not lending her the money. I said I will look at my finances and let her know - she wants it by end of the month. How best to get rid of her - and her association with my family. She lives in her village and I dont want to broadcast and dont want to be rude

Its not that easy making real friends in the UK. People are just too busy and there are few unifying activities especially if one has few or no family in the immediate vicinity.

The church is a avenue but thenwhat sort of church are we talking about - I will stick with the established church if looking for normal, chilled out and on-intrusive friendship. But is loudness and altogetherness you want then any of the African/Nigerian based churches will be ideal.

Playgroup might be fine but I guess this person is looking for Nigerian friends - there might be none in the playgroup of her child. The child might be too young but it will still be beneficial for mother and child to go to the playgroup regardless of cost and inconvenience. With older kids (school age), it can be harder, Volunteer at school events or other school activities. Or join a dedicated single-mum group like the one in 'About a Boy' - fave film.

I am flabbergasted as to her brazen way of asking despite all that I have told her. I told I had trust issues and avoid Nigerians and so on. I cannot respect her after this and my family have been looking into; thinking she is alright. But then they are the religious type too and will not see a scammer even if the person was wearing a label to the effect.

She might not be a scammer but why would she think I should just lend her £1000 to do business. I have even told her that I dont lend people money for business - I have been burned in the past and even family members that I give money to for business have not be as careful or shrewd as they can be because it was someone elses money. I even told her I am ready to give small amounts but anything bigger I will need to see the business proposal and how the repayment will be met.

Perhaps, I made a mistake in sending her some money to help with communicating with me. It is expensive on both side - about £45 spent in 2 weeks but I can afford it more than her. I thought it was only fair but now asking for money - no self respect or patience. What does she need the money for and how will she make? Just too opportunistic! I was going to go and visit her in January and would have showered her (& her family) with gifts, money, get her a passport and so on. I am a muppet!

You know what, I thought that it was African American just before coming back to the forum. But initially, I thought it was a blood genotype. I did not think it was Alcohol Anonymous though - lol.

I dont know whether it is a Yoruba thing or Nigerian thing but relationships are hard especially across cultures. I ended of being married to a European woman because I did not trust Nigerians and could not deal with their ways; and I was in parts of UK with few blacks or Nigerians. The relationship still did not work because of cultural differences; this time it was not a cultural difference as per UK but a European national - things can just be complicated.

Is the church you are talking about Redeem? I dont do church or religion even though they can be fun sometimes and a good source of social interaction and meeting with Nigerian folks; but there is something about them,
Anyway, I am now looking for a Nigerian girl and met one on my recent travel. But she has now spoiled everything by revealing she has a boyfriend (its actually an active relationship not just play) and she thinks it is normal and does not want to talk about it. The worse of all is that she has asked to borrow a large amount of money. She does not really know me well and I dont know her well but she is ready to borrow money - how is she going to pay it back? And she is a religious person and REDEEM! That is why I dont deal with Nigerians, arrgghh!!!

Hello poster, what exactly is the AA you are putting in your post?

And are you implying that the fella that wants to be a dad to your kids is not a Nigeria or not Yoruba or is a white man?

I feel for you but these things happen even with the greatest of care. I presume you are in a western country (UK?) because you talked of separation and then divorce - proper legal divorce does not often happen in Nigeria

Your ex having a kid is not your business anymore since you are officially divorced and you will not have sex with him anymore (you should not, anyway).

You have to move on and even though you said you are not bitter, there is some part of you that is resentful of the fact that he has moved on and is now having more kids. I dont know how old you are but men can have kids even at an older age and that can hurt a woman.

However, you have the greatest and most precious part of your old union - the children. And they seemed to be on your side and appear balanced and happy enough to see the dad - that is great!

Have fun, enjoy being single and accept assistant from your friend but be honest with him that you are not interested in anything long-term, yet.

Thanks JJM. I so much appreciate your interest and time taken to write your response. I am getting on in age and the whole dating thing is well behind me and like I said there is just not enough time to get to know people these days - even those in the UK.
I dont socialise much with Nigerians - I am in the North West. To be honest I dont like the whole noisy party thing and the showing off especially amongst we Yorubas. Even I were to meet a Nigerian in the UK, I will be more worried about trusting them than the ones that just come straight from Nigeria. Lets just say I am no casanova.

I probably will try to return to Nigeria in about 6 months, And I will see how things develop on the phone and with my contacts (or spies) over in Nja. Seriously, I know a lot of people tht just get wifes sent to them. I even heard about a woman that was sent to a retard (rich kid but) and he almost killed the lady.
If I am really desperate, I will just ask my granny to set me up and she really can do it. She is mortified that I am single and they believe a woman can bring a man luck - yes, a good woman but like they say 'no woman no cry'.

I just want to stike while the iron is hot or I will just go back to my relaxed bachelor life,

Perhaps your email or mobile phone is compromised? The person that collected cannot know your ref number and (question) unless the person works for Moneygram in UK or the money was collected by someone close to the person you sent the message to.

This cannot be Moneygrams fault except to say that they should start demanding passport, driver licence or worker's ID card before payment. And that will not be favourable to some of the older folks or rural folks back home.

I sent money to a sister recently and they would not allow her to collect until they see an ID with a signature. What exactly has the signature got to do with it? However, it hard to trust anything presented in Nigeria - people can always fake things.

Worrying,

I might sound desperate but I have been very independent all my life - and dont usually give a hoot. But there has been a change since I went to Nigeria and I want to put my independent single life behind me - with a Nigerian girl.

Unless I go for a Nigerian already in the UK, there is no way I will have time to develop a proper relationship with any woman in Nigeria. I am not traditional by any means but I know of a few people that literally get wives sent from their villages - there is nothing wrong with arranged marriages or set-up or match-made marriages. I have been married for love and that did not work. I am not too bothered about things not working - nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Relationships are complex things and there are no guarantees even if one takes things slow and one is ultra-cautious.
Thanks for the replies. At least some of you respondent have seen the human side of this thread, And it is real!

Good last advice. I thought about the tourist visa also but I also dont know how easy that is given that we are not obviously related. The other thing is that the last time I tried to invite 2 nephews over (2 at the same time is much but thtat what the uncle wanted), they were refused even though they are still students in Nigeria. I would have thought a 20something coming on a visit to a bloke might be a red flag,

Yes, tourist visa and getting to know each other better will be best.

* I also co-sponsored a brother for studying recently (visa also renewed after first year- he is still here, I probably have a file wt the Home Office given the number of letters I have written in the last 10 years.

I'll see if the girl is really into me first and take it from there.

Thanks to the sensible contributors.

The situation is delicate. I suppose the easiest thing is to go over to Nigeria and marry her and then try to get her to come and stay permanently - at least to do the 2 years first before being given leave to stay.

The issue is that I dont know her that well and it will be a show-gun wedding/marriage because I dont have much holiday times in the year to go to Nja to get to know her better or do the normal relationship building stuff (you know what I mean). Havind said that my folks are working in the background as we speak,

I also only want to do a Registry wedding whether it be in Nigeria or UK. I dont like to make too much noise and certainly dont have the funds to go through the Nigerian wedding shebang - my family knows too many people and it will cause upset and will be very very expensive. A registry wedding in the UK is easy and preferred option but getting to the UK before marriage is not as easy.

It will also depend on the lady - what she wants and how bold she is to leap into the unknown just like myself. Life is a risk - what is the worst that can happen, I am already divorced anyway so got that T-shirt,
I wil proceed with cautious optimism - and engage in some serious telephone dating, loving and pleading I will go and put on a bit of Marvin Gaye - 'Distant Lover'

I think that was not a clever reply. Can you seriously tell me that you know every law in Nigeria. How did I become citizen - you should have been able to figure that one out,

Thanks all the same - for nothing!

I am sorry if this sounds obvious but I lead a sheltered life, I met a girl in Nigeria on my recent visit and I think there is a real possibility that it might develop into something more meaningful and lifelong (touch wood).

I was just wondering whether it might be better for me to go to Nigeria to marry her and bring her to th UK or try to get her to the UK as a student - she is still young and reasonably educated - in IT.

I am a UK citizen, been married and divorced from a European (not for pali - true!). In fact I have been divorced for a few years.

Any useful suggestion will help please. I can obviusly sponsor her education and accomodation etc - I have done that for siblings anyway.

What is the process of a UK citizen getting a spouse to come and join them permanently? The Asians do it all the time, And are there any pitfalls for me if things dont work out? Which scenario will be more painful? I dont intend to keep someone under duress if the person is not happy and will not grass her up if she uses me to get a stay but I really like and I cannot wait to get her in the family - not for cynical reason but there will be a product from the union. She is from a neighbouring village so the union will most likely not end like my earlier with a European. Thanks

Did I actually say that Nigeria is bad or things were bad for me in Nigeria? Nigeria is a hell-hole for some people and those people are not even those in the rural areas with no electricity or piped borne water (save for poor medical help but herbalism can help). I enjoyed my rural almost back to basics holiday - I enjoyed eating fruits and veg and roots from the yard and getting stuck into hard work/farming. But I miss the electricity, light and cold water - and the lack of power made things more expensive all-round.

Those that think they are winging it in places like Lagos are the real sufferers.

So it is OK that people are being kidnapped and students did not pass out last year and those of this year have not been able to start

Nigeria could be so much better in every single way - we are so below par in terms of overall progress compared to our GDP and people power and education.

Water is being done in my little town/village with World Bank money whereas 30 years ago there was actually piped-borne water already. People now have to invest in bore holes and generators whereas theses services were there even in my grandads' days. Nepa will not set up eletricity poles but expect householders to go and buy the poles; and if you se the shocking nature of some thin poles and termite-ridden and wind swept poles - shocking!

I went to Nja to spend money and you still say stingy - giving small gifts, some money and services/labour gave me more pleasure than those times I whenI send money from UK

chris_j is back safely in the UK. No kidnappers in my village in Ijebuland - thank god. I spent every last penny bar my taxi fare back to my house in UK. Even last day, brother got into trouble with touts and local govt officials who just ask for stupid papers every time he crossed into a new local govt - heavy bribery and time wasting on my last day and I struggled to get to airport because of the wahala.

Nija na wa o! But it was a unique experience and lots of talking points but the country is not going forward for the ordinary folks and the education system is in paralysis - real SHAME!!! Politicians earning money like PL footballers and their wives and local govt official carrying money dividing money meant for public services and carrying them around in Ghana-must-go (shopping bags),

A brother on the same flight had to cut his time short in the East of Nja because he almost got kidnapped,
Nigeria needs help! Not the sort of stupid prayers people are offering - God must be taking his time with us because we are not sincere despite all the churches. Nigeria has to have the most churches of diffrerent types and persuation in the whole world.

I need a break to recover from this holiday

Anyways, off to Nija 2morrow bearing gifts for the undeserving, as usual!

To be honest with you, I really dont want to offer anybody any explanation. E.g, I could have said I dont even have a laptop because I use the computers at college and local library but why bother entertaining such an unreasonable request on a monthly or so basis ore that I collect rain water to save on water bills or because I am simply eco-friendly and dont believe in waste and I am baba ijebu,

Blame people for having such friends. It appears that this fellow gam? has friends that are loaded or very content or perhaps he is not working hard enough for his money e.g a 419er or politician's/rich man kid. An Arsenal's shirt costing £55 is too expensive even to send to a family member when one is struggling and putting many layers on to keep the cold at bay.

I'll will rather give someone £500 to do something worthwhile than to buy them a £35 perfume/after shave - is it perfume they will eat or what is the real use of an Arsenal shirt for example.

Come on! You are just being awkward now. So you accept that familied can be unreasonable so can friends. Just because someone is unreasonable does not mean they automatically stop being your friend. It is like one of those arguments that people say that if you love someone then you cannot do this and that to them, humans are very complex.

You should have read the post of the guy who said he had gone to slave all day for someone to ask for something which is more expensive than his day'si wage, and it is just a frivilous request.

Anyway, why do people in the UK have to go through talking about money and haven't to say I can and cannot do this and that. It is just annoying that one has to always justify oneself and even appease those people causing one a headache. And if it is just one friend then fair enough but friends, family and relations and others - it can get too much

You just refuse to accept that there are lots of unreasonable people out there that purports to be friends. The fact still remains that you cannot satisfy everyone and you work damn hard for the money and sometimes you have to make tough choices even if it is to disappoint your immediate family like mums, sister, cousins etc.

Who said people are dropping their friends as soon as they get to the UK? How long have you been in the UK if you dont mind telling us.

What is stingy in your view? Did you read about the guy whos friend wants a presonalised Arsenal shirt - what for? You can get a copy in Nigeria anyway and how many friends is he supposed to send such expensive things to. If you are in Nigeria people dont come asking for all sorts of things, why the difference?

To be honest with you, the fear is there but I live in the North West of England and it will cost me more to travel to London and waste 2 days than to get another British passport - and that process is quite easy given that it is not even peak time for travelling.

But Special Delivery will do. Special Delivery sent from the Post Office is tracked immediately and you can even view that the passport was received using the tracking system. And if you lose your passport in transit Royal Mail will have to compensate you (not enough for inconvenience but it is something). It will be hard for NHC to steal your passport because the evidence is there they received it and you have evidence of the special delivery to receive it back.

Anyway, they deal with many passport, you will have to be unlucky if yours goes missing. And they staff are actually touchy about the subject.

This getting silly - there various levels and closeness of friendship, Some of the callers are family and relatives, so this is not about just friends. Even if the person is or was your best and close friend before you left Nigeria, it does not mean you have to buy him/her a laptop just because the person is your friend.

A lot of people have commented on the fact that if you call someone and try to carry on your friendship e.g, it does not take so long for that person to ask you for something just because you are in the UK. I'm sure that was probably not the basis of your friendship before. Phone calls in itself can be expensive if one knows too many people and they want to jist for a long time. Anyway, people have to move on because the friendship has probably changed into acquaintance because of distance and new experiences.