₦airaland Forum

Why don't you send so e of your own money to help the husband? As you say, givers never lack.

So, some of you think he should not progress himself but instead be the benefactor of feckless people? Just because God will give him something in return? SMH!

Without growth and improvement, he will not be in a position to continue to feed his in-laws and his own...

They agreed not to have family visitors (this is a young marriage anyways) and the man's family does not come.

Feeding extra mouths will cost thousands a month - that is money he should not be spending.

Quid quo Pro - marriage is not a charity!

Funkybabee:
Sister don't mind that frustrated soul

He's part of them, I cannot be saying what my responsibility is even with my worobo jobs I'm
presently doing. Glory to God

But some sisters fall my hands atimes, how can you marry such mentality man when u know the type of your responsibility you will be facing ahead.

Is it love gan ni because I don't seem to understand

What are you saying? She should have married a richer man that can take care of 7 or more extra mouths?

The man is still actively spending his money on his in-laws when he should be building for his own and nuclear family's future...

It is better than she remained unmarried and wallow in poverty with her siblings. She is lucky to even find a man to marry her...

Even rich people draw lines otherwise they will not be rich... Givers end up being poor - no sh1t about not lacking; there is simply not enough.

Moreover, they have taken over the running of his family by coming so often, with it without food. One needs peace and ability to relax and manage one's affairs without wahala. Everyday, he will be thinking of how to satisfy in-laws, will not be able to but in bulk, his own wife and child will be lacking this and that. And for what? A lazy and thoughtless family in this day and age...

babajeje123 should really live up to his name...

Threatening to sue people on an open online forum like this is a bit much... Also, you said you have not been in the country that long, so, the way people interact with each other is something you have to watch and learn from.

Some things are said in jest and others are serious but not that offensive... Asking you not to mind your biz on how others dress is mild chiding - not a grand offence!

The way people dress is not always an indication of who the person really is and as long as the women are not ogled and turned into a sex object, na their body and choice.

I find too much flesh showing on a woman uncomfortable at the professional level. It can be hard to know where to look or not to look when too much cleavage, thigh, buttocks, G-string, belly and back is showing... But, I just get my head down and avoid interaction because I am not interested and do not want to be interested...

I also find young men wearing low slung trousers with their boxers showing disgusting...

I was watching the Masked Dancer recently and I saw Oti Mabuse - the South African dancer/judge with big funbags displaying for all to see. It was so bad because she was behind a table and the only view of her is from chest up... I thought it was not really a good look and low and behold, she was completely covered up for the rest of the series...

Anyway, babajeje, don't worry too much - continue with your prayers. Btw, some of us here are atheist and do not do religion - hope that does not offend you also (lol).

Why all the gobbledegook?

*mourning

Lexusgs430:
The best way to say no...... When you receive such messages, highlight your own financial issues too..... It soon shuts them up, it works all of the time..........

It does not work for everyone... It depends on your family and how much you have invested or they have invested in you. And it also depends if it is your immediate sibling or elderly retired parents on very little.

Moreover, I just do not talk finance or money with anyone, I will not be reduced to their level - with most people lying about their finances and all that carry on...

Jamestown123:
When someone call you a monkey, don't forget to quickly show them this picture. Just as humans, monkeys are black and white too.

As if a child will say that to his or her classmates... An adult might have a thick skin or a way to reason with or educate or even ignore racial teasing and ignorant comments but it is not easy for child; even with parental teaching, support and outlook...

Children like to be liked and want to be part of the crowd, not stand out in a political or other different ways... They also like to talk; usually without filter. A child goes to school and tells classmates that they eat with the hands (not likely going to say fingers), the rest will immediately say that they are primitive and tribespeople like the unclad ones they see in the television...

* A child recently started school in the UK and the teacher got talking just to get him settled and welcomed... Quickly, the child says that some of the kids misbehave a lot and that if it were in his old school in Nigeria, the children will be beaten soundly. Of course, the teacher says that nobody beats children in their school and it is not allowed in the country... One thing led to another, the teacher asked him if his parents beat him... There was a call to the mother that afternoon, even before the child reached home...
Thankfully, the mother is the one that does the smacking (not beatings), imagine if it was the step-father?

Bullying and racism is worse with children because they cannot be punished that much and it is hard to reason with them like adults - they learn it from home anyway.

Just let the children be - na manage, manage with this country

The cover supervisor is comparing schools in the metropolis and inner cities within a multicultural setting... It is a little different for kids in the shires and most of the north minus the inner cities of Manchester and Asian dominated places in North West especially...

It is about the children and their happiness; so the priority is for them to assimilate quickly and integrate not to carry Nja flag and so-called values which I dont even know what they are myself.

If you can inculcate your culture, language and traditions then fine but it cannot be forced at the expense of the child's well-being and happiness...

Speaking the Queen's English does not mean the child cannot understand a Nja language ( singular) and also if they chose to eat swallow with cutlery, that is so much better than not genuinely liking the food. Again, it is not by force and it does not make them less African...

Asians this, Asian that! The middle class and upper class Indians especially are far more colonial in their attitude more than the educated Nigerians. We are talking the Bleaching capital of the world - a lot of them bleach their skins to parse as whites and they gave been doing interracial marriages with white for a long long time. They also discriminate against their own blacks and our blacks.

They are no angels and most of them just pretend for their parents but the well to do and aspirational ones clearly do well and pass that energy, motivation, discipline and success factor to their children and lower generations...

The Pakistanis and Muslim Asians and those from other South Asian countries are no different from us...

The cover supervisor is right in saying that parenting is trial and error but it has to be child focus with child protection guidelines at the centre of one's mind.

If Nigeria is so great and our values and foods and way of life are do wonderful, many of us will not be here; we will be like our parents who studied and went back home afterwards.

If your child want to represent England, Waled or Scotland, will you oppose it?

The Asians are not one homogeneous group and some of them are worse than our children... What is the obsession with nja know ds eating our so-called foods. Some of them do not like swallow - even in Nigeria and a lot of our foods are studgy and not that nutritious. We have a lot of cases of diabetes and obesity and poor health - so, getting het up about kids not eating so-called nja foods is a waste of time.

Some Asians practice forced arranged marriage and bar the children marrying certain people (castes etc) or into certain religion and at worst, they practice honour killing... The successful ones clearly want their children marrying people of the same know if and wealth - those are the ones you are probably talking about in a positive way.

Furthermore, the Asian foods are so much assimilated into the UK foods and meals, so it is not that different; except home cooked and better quality. They eat a lot of healthy stuff, including lots of veg and sauces and Rice (of course), and potatoes - just cooked differently. What is there not to like - the Brits do not have specific foods themselves...

Being a parent is hard - children get exposed to new things quickly and you cannot stop them experimenting; just try and be supportive and educative and leave Nja parenting and mentality in Nja.

When in Rome, do like the Romans!

Ok, he is immature but he should still finish the marriage because it is not going to work and like you said he is immature - so he can wait until he is ready for another gold-digger like you and his soon to be ex-wife

Is it a business when the proprietor has no risks at all? What is the motivation to succeed and how well is the business really doing? She appears to have the skills as a fashion designer but she did not get her own shop and quite a lot of the variable cost are being borne by the husband... What is she doing with any income that comes from the shop - more than a dozen apprentices means it is a big shop.

Lastly, a woman should bring more to a marriage than just her private part, so her family renting the shop for her is not a slight on the future husband but something that she and her family should be proud of.

She is not a good human being and a bad wife and partner. Consider that she is a bad investment band don't get her pregnant or you are finished... Move on and leave her asap!

Mamatukwas:
Pickup from most post codes is £18 for a 0-30kg cardboard box. Delivery to Manchester depends on plenty things. From where? Weight of item etc. Kindly send a pm for more deets. Thank you.

Hi, I have just PM-ed you about getting delivery of products from Lagos to Manchester. Are the parcels then sent by courier to their destinations in Manchester or can they be picked up personally? Thanks

Klass99:
Lol, how would you know for sure? Are you married? If yes, are you male or female?

I would like to hear your thoughts on why you boldly said it's entrapment, if you don't mind sharing.

Maybe the mother in law is after the son-in-law's body or looking for something to blackmail the man or coming round to plant unmentionable spiritual items... Ha ha ha. Who know? People just type anything in an online forum. He he he

mutter:
It goes both ways.
If we understand the meaning of family and the importance of the extended family.

Please explain! We are all born individually and some families are dysfunctional and harmful to one's progress, wellbeing or life.

We cannot family for head and not do what is right for ourselves and offspring. The man's own mother will not do impromptu visit despite being 5 minutes away - I bet the wife is happy about that!

35 minutes drive in Nja is no short trip and I assume the mother in law has a car; so this is our it starts - the marriage hearing for the rocks because of amebo or person with no manners.

Parents are people like you and me and fools grow old too... There is nothing worse than an old fool!

Kobicove:
The issue you have with the visit is the money you will give her for transport not necessarily the fact that she visited unannounced...

There is no law which says you must give money to extended family members when they visit your house

There is no law but you face ignominy and embarrassments... People should acknowledge that our pockets are not equally deep and it also depends on who comes to visit you - expense on an in-law will be different from a family member.

I don't know why he mentioned money but some in-laws are parasites...

How come people are not thinking about the major embarrassment that can ensure from unsolicited visits especially from someone that one holds or expected to hold in high esteem?

The mother-in-law left her home so early in the morning to visit her daughter in her matrimonial home and without prior notice and that is OK?

7.30am; the newly wed could be getting amorous... The house might not be in a decent state to receive, I will repeat again, someone that should be in high esteem not just an errand girl in the neighbourhood...

The mother in law is demeaning herself by just turning up like any old commoner... What does she want - she has given the daughter away...

I just don't understand why done people here come to run their mouths off...

The man already said that his own parents will not do the same and that is good bonus for the wife - no one coming and causing wahala.

I will fear that mother in law because she might be evil and up to no good.

Lastly, people are assuming that the daughter is happy to let her mother ruin her fledgling marriage. You cannot marry your mother; so that f not ready to leave them, don't marry!

He can love the daughter without the mother and the person that married him will also know how he is...

He is a private man with his own principles and standards - if the wife and mother-in-law are not happy with that; it is only 2 months into the marriage.

Some people here talk about daughters being used their mothers or having them around; that is not universally true. The mother might just be the type that will interfere at all cost and disregard the newly weds privately from now till eternity...

The daughter has to make her own home and not be ruled by her mother... This is nothing to do with Oyinbo attitude - nobody should allows others to put their nose into your business; family or not!

They are still in their honeymoon period and the mother has come twice and at 7.45am; deliberately to confront the man. He avoided her before and she came without even telling the daughter - she is uncouth and an embarrassment!

The money issue is another thing; 2 months after a wedding and if this guy is alluding to the mother-in-law being money greedy or materialistic, then who are we to question him?

Naija mentality will not let us progress - I suppose our ancestors felt the same way when they accepted the oyinbos and let them come and go and take whatever the wanted.

The man clearly has an issue with the mother - we don't know the mother to side her... Were the couple living together before marriage or did the wife come straight from her family home?

No open door policy for me o! You inform before coming - it does not matter who you are... It is simple manners and courtesy... For a newly married couple - they should be left alone to sort their lives together...

I just despair for Nigerians - we are so so wrapped in nonsense masquerading as culture or tradition. They are now married and the mother-in-law and family has given away the woman and even the Bible bashers should reference the part where it says the two will leave their home and set up...

7.30am is too early and they could be very very busy and not prepared at all. She is not the man's mother in any way or shape; she has her own family and kids...

I agree with the poster that says this is s woman's problem or issue - nosy parkers and controlling...

People that are used to Nja tastes and pkroducts think they are inherently better but it's just about exposure and what folks are used to.

Like some think there are no better easy cook noodles or noodles (full stop) than the Indomie brand; to the extent of bringing cartons from Nja.

That said, @Lexus; it will be interesting to know whether we were making any sort of bread in Nigeria or subsaharan African before the introduction from either the Arabs or the Europeans.

Did our people ground any sort grain to make any sort of bread including flat bread, Chapati, nan, rough dough bread and so on?

Black History - much of it lost forever and ever...

It will be interesting to know when Bread was introduced to Nigeria or if and when it was discovered naturally?

But bread eating has been there in medieval times; even in the Bible...

What is also interesting is our take on what we call Nigerian bread and how we extols especially white processed bread or sweetened bread or baps.

There are so many different types of bread that many many Nigerians will not know of and very very few have tried.

So European countries and even the middle East collect their breads everyday fresh from a boulangerie (small baker/bakery shop) and most of them do not produce the type of white Nigerian bread types.

Brioche is just one type - overrated in my view but it sweeten and soft white bread; so I can understand why someone want to take it to nja.

Sour dough bread and whole wheat rough and crusty breads are now the deal from the people that most likely introduced us to white processed breads. And, true, chemical are added to bleach the wheat to produce whiteness and then other preservatives to make them last and the sugar and salt.

We should endeavour to eat less bread overall and more of the good types...

@tushqueen...

... Made an attempt to claim maternity allowance...? And what happened after the attempt.

SMA not public funds but however, it appears from my understanding that MA might in some ways be claiming from public funds. You are only entitled to Maternity allowance if not on SMA and whatever you get affects your other benefits. In essence, it is linked to the whole benefit system and entitlement.

Moreover, you have to have made a certain amount of NI contributions to get most benefits including this MA.

This should have been an issue that she raised with the employer that employed a pregnant woman. Why would she be claiming maternity allowance from the state?

The issue might not register as regards her subsequent visa applications because she was unsuccessful anyway. But if she had been claiming, that could have been an issue if discovered...

I laughed reading... We are living a good life... Does that mean you should overeat and not exercise? Or not eat healthy foods or smaller portions?

There is no way of telling someone to lose weight without upsetting that person; in a small way or big way.

The comparison would have come after many other hints and words have been said... So, it is fine for a woman to want the husband to do better in life or those church types to want to be as rich as their pastors or daddy in the lord?

What if it is three-some?

Quality20:
How cn u b at home 24/7? Isn't there gym, worship centre,libraries etc

Ignorant comment and the poster get likes too... None of those places are open - it is not like Nigeria where we do not have rules and we mostly disobey rules.

It can be lonely but 24/7 at home is too much - an exaggeration! However, folks that have never stepped out of his or lived independently in western worlds cannot truly understand. People mind their own businesses and you also have to be careful who you open to: be it locals or Nigerians or other Africans...

@Ralph and Aphrodite... I got the joke - it was on me.
Bants are fine but you folks must agree that reading through an epistle of quotes just ruins a decent conversation or topic...

It also appears that the regulars are in with chukwuka previous posts... It is interesting to see some folks shining their eyes eventually... We are here to learn and lifelong learning is great

@alert20, the guy has just given you a small but significant piece of advice... Start spending your salary as most normal people do... You are not better off with 2 million balance compared to 1 million balance.

It is not really your bank balance (unless you are mega rich and can prove it and has many years bank history) that matters. What matters most is the the ECO thinks you will return to Nigeria after your visit.

So not spending from your salary obviously shows that you are desperately saving money to travel or want to impress with your big bank balance or worse, you have another dodgy source of income...

Small advice counts - don't discount it. All the advice you need is within this forum and no one can guarantee what the outcome of your application will be be. Luck counts too.

What shall you do? Start by putting your house in order - behave normally, keep all your bank statements: personal and business. Be able to prove your source of income both business, employment and salary...

Lastly, have very good reasons for wanting to travel to the UK. Tourism is fine but Nigerians are not Europeans, Americans, Canadians, Australians etc or folks from major countries that are trusted to return back home after a visit to the UK. That is a fact of life - so, how can you convince an ECO that you will return to Nigeria after your visit or that this visit is really of much importance to you

Fingers not equal. Read up on TIES... At the end of the day, the ECO will want to be convinced that you will return to Nigeria after your visit. Many do not return - it is as simple as that!

If you travel to Togo or Benin or Chad, you will have less issues... Will they be so concerned that you will not return to Nja? No! Those might even be visa free. UK and other western countries are not the only countries that one can travel to...

Ok. It is not an easy process, so read up but I still think the person inviting you should do their own research and should be ahead of you... I suppose they want the process to succeed - don't they?

Read about Irenenewaka that was trying to invite her mother or mother-in-law to come and help as she is about the have a baby. You would have thought it was an easy process as they can sponsor and are ready and willing but she was here asking many many questions; that was after two refusals.

You don't have to read many pages back to get the picture...

@Riola, just read about 3 or 4 pages back. Gisele has kindly gone through the sort of information you are asking about with another poster.

She has also been comprehensive on the issues of TIES: basically, what ties you to Nigeria that will convince the Entry Clearance Officers (ECO) that you will return to Nigeria after your visit.

Your uncle's sponsorship and personal circumstances only count for a small part of your getting a VISA - it does count because at least you have accommodation and other expenses sorted out. Being invited is so much better than claiming you want to go on your own as a Tourist.

* I do wonder about those wanting to invite folks to the UK and not doing much legwork for the invitee? Do they really want them to come to the UK or they are doing it out of family obligations?
A family member had done that to another that I know... He invited the person and did not bother including any bank statements or other docs... This was a long time ago though.

I am enjoying the tax ding dong!

Most tax systems give some sort of personal tax free allowance and they have thresholds until you hit certain tax brackets. So it is virtually impossible for someone on $150,000 to pay 40-50% on the whole income.
However, now if you include all other types of taxes, the tax burden could rise depending on circumstances... Indirect taxes could also be added to the tax burden too because they take away from your disposable income.

In the UK for example, we pay council tax - not everyone and it is also just an household tax. That is also tax and it will be have to be paid out of one's income. However, the council tax burden is less for a good two-income earner than a single person on average wages. And it also depends on house price and location.

All that said, saving money is not that easy in western countries and like someone said, it is also a personal thing based on many variables.

justwise:
@Chukwuka16

..u too read book, na e be your prob.

The way to do it from the MOD himself... @Chukwuka16 is enough to refer a reply to a poster without quoting him directly. Cheers

Thanks Estroller for showing how quotations can and should be used.