₦airaland Forum

Good article but this is almost unheard of in many political circles even the more progressive Western democracies: a first lady should not get herself that much involved in Real politics... It is dangerous and very distracting!

So what if she has political ambitions a la Hilary Clinton, it still does not excuse her almost un-endorsing (publicly) her husband on the issues of a second term - that should have been a private thing: she went too far with that part of her comments.

What she has expressed is not new but is she expressing them as a concerned citizen or as someone who is now thinking above her station as a quasi-political actor. Some people have said that she is frustrated that some of her own choices were not favoured or that she felt ignored... If this is true, she is in danger of losing her shield and respect as the First Lady and the privileges and good that she could do with that post without being involved in dirty party/governmental politics...

I am not a big fan of Buhari because he had not done or delivered much before people start hailing him - typical! However, I do agree that he is a big modern powerful Muslim man - one that has allowed his spouse to have some independence and a voice where he did not need to have accommodated such things. She was gaining independence and even prominence well before Buhari came back into government...

Lastly, I do accept that Buhari was joking but it was a tasteless joke especially in front of Merkel and in front of the World's Press. What convinced me that it was a joke was the 'other room' part of the comment; that was a bit blue and dirty...

Yes, I agree that I did generalise in my comments about nja women being spendaholics - I take it back! (I realised that as soon as I pressed enter but I was on the way out...)

However, it is not the same thing with generalising about nja men being murderous, jealous and emasculated beings that cannot handle women's success...

It is funny that men like Buhari who on the surface has encouraged his very young wife to better herself and be independent could in turn be maligned for being a misogynist old dinosaur. What I am saying is that I do not accept that many of these men simply want to control their women or expect respect or servitude just because they have sponsored their spouses and in most cases laid the foundation for their success.

As for your last comment about what Nja women do with their money? My comment was half a joke especially since I personalised it but you are right I do not live with Nigerian women but have a mum, two sister, sisters-in-laws and many others including a wife of an uncle who was more successful than my uncle; it ended in divorce and nothing to do with being abroad... Go figure!

From many of the stories here, it seems that the Nigerian man is still expected to be the major breadwinner even in cases where the women work and earn money. There are lots of examples here of women that earn money feel that that money belongs to them but of course, that will not be every woman.

Lastly, I still think that a vast majority of our women folk are spendaholics - that does not mean they do not look after their families or even spoil their children or their extended family or neighbours.

cococandy:
There's no way someone with 2k monthly income can sponsor another person's college education in America. Not with rent/mortgage to pay, kids school fees, feeding etc. to name a few.
Rent alone for a family of seven people if they are managing will consume 1000-1500 a month (very tight squeeze). Very.
You obviously know nothing about what you're speaking.

They tell y'all lies garnished with half truths and you're jubilant all over the place eager to condemn the woman because that's what gives you people joy. No one wonders or even pauses to think how possible some of the stories are.
He won't tell you she worked full time to support the family while in school full time with heavy course load, while also keeping home plus pregnancies and series of childbirth stress (of course she had to or she will be labeled the evil woman who doesn't want to have a child for her husband).

When she's done, he wants to have total control over how she spends the last dime and if she's not happy with that, then the forged stories start emanating from left and right.

The Nigerian nurses in USA probably make up less than 10 percent of all the total nurse population. We wonder why men of other nations don't have the same problems y'all seem to have with your nurse wives. Figures.

You were making some good points until you generalised for Nja men and nurses wives... Some ppl here have said that there are many good nja relationships in the USA even when the women are nurses.

I remember visiting a school friend in Georgia state; she was still studying to be a nurse and the husband was a lecturer in a college. I guess after she qualifies and with experience, their salaries can come closer but at the time they had no children and the guy was not a typical Nja man - had been in the States for ever... I lost contact because I could not stand her constant complaint about racism (perhaps I shd have understood a bit more about Georgia and the South) and they were Christians... I was going to stay in the US but thought better of it - UK is better!

Now as for the incomes and sponsorship and the rest... A single man that has been careful with money can build up a nest egg even on $2000 per month and at the start of his sojourn, he might have been doing multiple jobs and earning serious amounts. This all slows down with age and with family, of course.

I do not believe that anyone will be asked to pay $1500 out of $2000 for child(ren) support... These things are capped at about 25-30% and the rest is subsidised by the government if the woman is not earning enough. Why do people have so many children - no idea? The woman is probably still not living a life of Riley even with child support money but it can be really bad for a man if he has to start again in a bedsit, with a lot of his income deducted and being an absence parent - in these situations, the mother is far better off - and we are not talking just money.

What do Nja women do with their money? I shall like to ask my mum because as a pensioner she has a lot of money coming in - far more than a sibling with 3 children and she gets money from myself and 2 other sibling abroad and yet, she still ask for money... Nja women are spendaholics and they spend on things that I have no interest - always partying, giving donations, church funding, relative and family lay-outs and just doing the big I AM.

Big Sigh!

What can one say?

This is the USA and having guns makes it easy to kill someone - just like that!

On the issue of bringing women from Nigeria abroad - it is a conundrum for a lot of men that are very Nigerian and those that find it hard to marry Nigerian women that are already abroad - e.g the USA in this case...

But it should be obvious to these men that the women might end up earning more than them - strangely the nursing route for women is clearly a good way to earn a good living and integrate better; in some cases more than the male folks that might have been slogging away for many years. But women rule in the Western world - so when the relationship breaks down the man just has to suck it up and move on - think of the kids...

I don't know what to say about some of the women in question (RIP to those that have passed and those in similar situations - go easy on the men; let them down gently). I do not think the women abroad are much more different to those in Nigeria - all the women have the same tendencies; lots of expectation of their men and they want to keep up with the Jones and quite a few are bossy. The only difference is that there are more outlets for the men in Nigeria, you also have the extended family system/elders and the rest and males in Nigeria still earn a lot more than women and are mostly the breadwinners.

Black males have always been at a disadvantage with in the white world - it is not going to change! As for the American Dream - well, it is one in a million.

But the killings is wrong!

She looks like one of those Latino She-males: what is it with the thick, deeply coloured make up and the pouts?

Not attractive!

Vick4rill:
Unless you are ready to be an atheist yourself, don't ever believe you guys will be able to tolerate each other for long. Forget about the "bullshit" about both of you, loving yourselves and being tolerant to one another. That assertion can never work. How can u spend your life with somebody who thinks that your "belief" is delusional and plain foolishness?

How can you train your children in such a man's house? What if he decides that his children will become atheists too? What will happen when both of you are supposed to pray and come together as a family? Do you think such a person will tolerate ur pastors or church members visiting you in his house?

Avoid atheists like plagues. Don't ever think you can change or convert him, once you people are married. There is no any good quality that any atheist possesses, that is not found among the Christian brothers. Just pray hard and God will give you a good believer that will give you more happiness than any atheist can ever think of giving you.

I liked this! Because I am an agnostic... However, it is much easier for an atheist to be tolerant of a mildly religious person than an ultra-religious (like the pastor loving, night vigil and bible classes types.

I fond it so hard to communicate with members of my family because every other word is god this and god that... So you are right that a deeply religious person should not kid themselves about marrying an atheist - it will be hard for it to work! I also like the part about not trying to change people; right on!

sisisioge:
Hmmm... I'm so adding you to the guest list whether the bobo comes from NL or not! chrisj2? Checking him out straight up.

By the way, keep the pointers coming...it makes it a lot easier cos I'm still on page one since morning

Modified:

The guy is abroad...too catty for across the ocean fancies

What guest list?

I will be in Nja on gardening leave from January 2016 - for a few months at the start then may be more if I do not get too bored or fed up of the family and the village life in Ogun State. But I am definitely going native and am looking forward... Like I said, just to get the Nja vibes back.

Now time for bed - early start for me... Good night all!

Dyt:
I wanna buy asoebi and eat jollof rice jor


I think chrisj2 is single

You are guys are killing me... This is so funny! I do not mind the jolof rice and even the parties but please no ASO EBI - how many will one have to buy in one's life time. I hate them! The last one I will buy will be for my mum's passing and that will be it!

By the way, I have a huge extended family: many uncles and aunts on paternal and maternal side and then the cousins, the grand children, the in-laws and so on and so on.

Yes, I am single, but Like I said not desperate and I am not even into having a large nuclear family: its me and mine and 2.X kids. Thank you!

hola20:
Agreed. But it's both ways. It's hard getting to meet anyone who shares the same values.

It's not just the guys.

Yes, it is hard especially in the UK with people spread all over the place except for Peckham - lol. Moreover, there is not that much time with people of a certain age and in certain profession.

I have to say that, I do not expect all the values to be the same but certain fundamentals cannot and should not be compromised away; for him, it is overly religious types, loud and ostentatious types and people that cannot help putting their extended family in the way of getting on with their own lives and creating a great future for their own children.

armyofone:
Going to marry at home...just set your priorities right and have low expectations.
Don't go marry because you are looking for someone to pick up after you or carry house chores on her head, or be a breeding machine, while taking nursing school courses per your request and holding part or full time job.

I don't understand! The post is full of holes... Why have low expectations? What is that bit about carrying house chores on her head And as for taking nursing course or holding part or full time jobs - what is wrong with that? In the UK and probably in Nigeria, it will be hard to be one-salary family unless the breadwinner is mega loaded.

It should be about partnership and having more or less the same vision - a good strong and tight family and very good prospects and future for their offsprings; not showing off, keeping up with the Jones and worrying too much about satisfying relatives in Nja and elsewhere.

If he finds the person for himself then he also has to work hard at making the whole thing work because you cannot bring someone from Nja and expect that person not to live like most people do in the UK - as long as it is sensible and not antagonistic then it should all be fine. In the Uk, the man cannot get away with abusing the woman or expecting her to work as a quasi-housegirl or baby making machine as you put it; she will soon leave or throw the man out...

gypsey:
look! man! you gonna have to get out of your comfort zone and take some risks, get out more, time waits for no one, don't be surprised that before you know it you ve become old, what about we that are married to English women? we are still doing okay. and oh! i am one of those wayward, partying and getting drunk kinda guy as i said i am are still doing well regardless

I hear you! When you know yourself and what you limitations are - then you know what you can and cannot do! You can try and get out of your comfort zone just to get a relationship but will it work for you in the long run or you will just be chasing your tail.

Like I said, I am comfortable with the situation and I am not like you - and that is not likely going to change with me being in the UK and probably will not even change much with being in Nigeria. However, there are more opportunities to still be within one's comfort zone in Nja and still find good prospects.

But I hear you! I do need to get out more - knackered chasing ££££. Also, I am not desperate!!

* BTW, I am not putting down Nja ladies or women; I have sisters and They have done well in their relationships (touch wood). However, the relationships have all started from Nigeria - just saying...

ibx1976:
I feel your pain. Been there. Done that. At least I am not totally bonkers

I am actually in more or less the same situation. I am also so busy with work to fully immerse myself in Nja circles or activities but I am fine and comfortable without a wife but will like some children...

I also intend to go to Nja for a long break; not specifically to look for a spouse but to get back into the Nja groove and integrate with the culture a bit more and then see what happens. I am not religious and do not do much tradition - even when I was in Nigeria, I was not into all that Loudness, Owambe and Toasting and general waywardness.

Good luck bros!

Ademoore07:
Seriously, u guys need to be told the truth. I have at least 3 different brothers based in the UK that got married to nigerian ladies that were brought up over there. Their marriages lasted for not more than 2 years. U might find it difficult to believe. It has nothing to do with childlessness, at least they all got a baby. There was one goddamn rule about divource overthere which all men hate, cos they say UK is queens land. Most ladies there treat their men like trash. I don't want to go into detailsdetails. Ask anyone living overthere if I lied.

I agree to some extent.. The UK favours women and they have the better opportunities than African or Black men; so it is only a matter of time before things start to go wrong and you need a strong relationship and a woman that is down to earth and very understanding.

One poster suggested Peckham, Lewisham and basically SE London and environs to look for good women but what if you live in the Shires or the North of England or even Scotland, what hope? And what of you are not religious? One of them made me go to a Redeem Church... I walked out after about 3 hours of their nonsense; what they did mostly was talk about money and tithes and praying against their enemies - I don't even have any enemies: WTF?

NikitaNike:
and very easy to find a good boy

what is olosho? or an olosho relationship?

freecocoa:
What can you possibly want in a woman that no woman in UK can give you? I'll guess, you want a woman who will do everything you say and want with no questions, anyways I'm looking for a husband too but my condition is that we'll move to America after marriage, if you agree, hit me up.

This is funny!

What is the big deal with wanting to go to the USA - have you not seen what they are doing to black men over there?

Anyway, you have to live in the UK as a single guy to understand what they OP is facing or talking about...

It is not about the Nigerian women in the UK - it is about finding the time and the space to get to know people well enough and then for those women folk to be on the same level as you: of course, it is give and take but when you have principles and you are of a certain age, it is hard to put up with lower expectations.

Some of the ladies are far more into women lib even more than the Oyinbos, some of them still the Nja mentality of over exposing themselves or their spouse to all sorts of traditional, religious, ostentatious and OTT believes ways of doing things.

The UK is not like the USA or Nja where one can make serious amount of money - you can gets a reasonably good job and be comfortable but rarely ever rich enough to behave the way some of our ladies expect... The other thing is that the UK is far more female friendly and there are many more opportunities for the women to get on and be at parity or better than the men - and that does not always bode well (not being sexist or generalising but when the nagging starts and the disrespect then one will find that it is not worth the bother).

Bifwoli:
Its not only unbelievable but its also practically impossible.The guy has to be aroused and erect and thats one thing the ladies cannot force to happen.

I even find it hard to believe the story of Lot in the Bible -Genesis 19:30-38 how they got their father drunk and he fell asleep then the older went and lay with him.Impossible cuz his manhood can't function like that.

As you can see it is not working... However, it is not impossible to extract from him - in other ways. Trying to mount him like that is a waste of time - even with viagra, he will not be that responsive to ejaculate.

Were they doing something else? And there were at least 3 women or people...

No one should ever be lynched - he can be humiliated but even that I am not always happy with the stripping. However, stripping ensures that he has nowhere to escape and the shame will be stay for a while.

Beaten up a thief and attempting to burn someone for stealing is OTT and ungodly. It is not as if he is an armed robber...

deleted

iii

Thanks for contribution. I shall have to forget about the phone... I did not need a smart phone anyway but will look to get a tablet or tablet phone that is portable and can do whatsapp. Cheers!

Is

[b]

Thank God! I had had sleepness nights thinking about the incident and the callousness of our people. I had even cursed Nigeria as an inredeemable and god-forsaken country but,

May the souls of the poor victims rest in perfect peace. It is a damn shame and a catastrophic tragedy for the victims and their family and for the poor driver who unwittingly killed innocent people because of the bad deeds of arm robbers and road conditions.

50 armed robbers - what is Nigeria turning into

I am still shaken by the whole episode but I will rest easy now knowing that people were slaughthered like road killed animals.

Gruesome business!!!

I dont know why grandparents need be involved in naming? In fact, it is not a good idea. Which side of the grandparent are we talking about - just no need for the hassle. Of course, they can give some ideas just like we are doing on this forum but ultimately it is up to the parent.

You have the child, you name your child and insist people call your child by your preferred name.

And for the poster with Child called Ife and Sarah; I dont get why she needs separate names, either name is easy to pronounce and Sarah is a biblical name that is common all over the christian world, even the muslims have Sara. Ife is usually pronounced as eeffy

I wonder which name the child prefers?

Western Union 02/03/2010: Pounds #217.??.

Pound has lost about #20 (pts) in the last 2 weeks or so

I was surprised as I had planned a certain amount for the recipient but, oh well,

I checked with Money Gram online - #219 to £1

It all well and good people here trying to show of their Yoruba linguistic skills but living in Amerian and having an almost unpronounciable name is not helpful.

If your child is going to be called Ayo, or Ola or Yemi there is very little need add some many appellations and add-ons to it. Ade-this, Ola-this, Omo-this, Olu-this, Baba-this, ife=this, is all fine but examples like AnuoluwaKitan or oluwaDemilade (may others given is superflous for a first name. In reality, the child will be called Anu or Kitan (for AnuoluKitan) and Demi (Demmy) or Lade or Demilade; I very much doubt a parent in the US or most middle class Nigerian will actually use the full names on a daily basis.

You know what? I like Oluwachukwu - it is Irony and unifying at the same time; that is if the the parents are Ibo and Yoruba or the Dad is of mixed parentage.

I dont get the many multiple name - jus 2 names is enough in case of having common first names. I am not bothered about the origin or meaning of the name - its just a name. So I prefer shorter names and easily pronounciable names. Just like John, James, Steve and so on; Ade Olu, Ola will do for me.

Its funny how the ultra-religious can complain about Christian names being foreign. If only there were Africa names in the Bible

I like the Korean & Scandinavian (esp Norway) method of naming

I dont understand why people keep talking about 'trainers' when it comes to Forex. It shows 'con-trick' or a 'hussle job' if people have to set themselves up as trainers to help people make money. If anyone knows ways to be rich, they will not train others because it wil create competition and the chance of making money becomes less.

Forex is rarely a thing private investors get involved in the West. Even shares which is quite easy to do through various high street banks or licenced brokers has been shown to be a bit of a con as well. The only people that lose completely from share collapse are regular punters or the general public through their pension funds; never the brokers or fund managers.

Nigerian should just think that we cannot all make easy money,

* The same thing goes for people using Agents to get visas. Just do your research and present the required evidence and hope for the best

Of course, the whole thing is confidence tricks and it is a plaything for rich folks or people managing large sums of money that do not belong to them. And they still make the cut regardless - of course it is bigger if they do well but they will still charge for managing funds.

Forex is gambling, simple! Even shares has become too much of a gamble these days - the prices are not always reflective of the true value or worth of a company and those prices are determined by some shady syndicate.

There is no point questioning why there is no topic on Forex, either you start one or leave us be - if Forex is interesting or accessible to ordinary folks then the topics will be here along with the others; even the fraudulent ones.

The reply from ifya, is kinda cruel. I think the man can be happily married on whatever income he is on. Things will definitely be tight given additional responsibilties but he has not said he want to start a family or have babies all over the place. If he is in love and wants to be married on low income, with a responsible; possibly solvent and earning lady then good luck to him.

Being made to feel responsible for being the eldest is one part of our culture that is a poison chalice. It is a good thing but when you have to sacrifice ou your ambition and even happiness for others (even if they are siblings), it can seem unfair and too much of a burden.

I feel you brother. The worse part of it is that as an elder child, can you now go to the people you have supported if you really need help? Personally, I'll find it hard - will rather suffer in silence if the siblings (some of them ingrates) will not see it fit to give some payback; one way or the other.

Anyway, ditch some of the responsibilities - get the schoolers to try and raise some funds for themselves by either working to supplement or find other sponsors. And then make sure you are getting married for the right reasons. Good luck.

Nobody should get abusive or violent on a plane regardless of rights and wrongs. Even without the terror threats, a plane is not the place to start a row,

In fact, there is now a possible edict that folks will not be allowed in the toilet sometime before the plane lands. Taking so long in the loo is just asking for trouble - if one has a stomach upset, it might be embarrassing but it is best to tell the stewards.

Nigerians are now defo on the terror list and will be subjected to more searches. In fact, all travllers are cursing the young over-indulged stupid Nja boys right now.

The first item in all the news bulletins just keeps mentioning Nigerian; and now there is a London/UK link. Also security has been stepped up and airports - more scrutiny for all but much more for Nigerians and Blacks along with the Usual Suspects.

It is hard enough travelling to and from Nja - we dont need this!