₦airaland Forum

Marriage is no longer a sacred institution; we all know that by now... It is a risky venture and breaking up and moving on is not the end of the world. I dont even blame the woman because no one should stay in an unhappy marriage - it builds too much resentment that makes things more difficult in future.

Firstly, this gentleman arrived in the country not so long ago and he arrived during the pandemic. How easy would it have been for him to make friends and how do adults go about making friends in an environment full of vultures? You might say Church (the usual answer) - not everyone is into that sort of thing.

Secondly, this is an an anonymous forum... Yes, the comments vary and most will not be appropriate and some disrespectful to the OP or that so-called sacred institution, however, there are also some golden nuggets for the person that has what it takes to filter out the useless comments. There is also a lot for some others to learn from.

I think in this case, the OP wanted advice about his other choices if his spouse refused to help him renew his VISA. The real marital issues were raised based on the many comments coming from contributors - i felt he was reluctant to go into details - in fact, he said so in his original post - he has not been disrespectful to his wife or institution of marriage.

This forum is actually the best place for him because his issues are unique. He is no longer in Nigeria with all the support systems; a lot of people on the forum will have better experience of the issues than his family members in or sheltered friends (if any) in the UK. From the response he got here, you can easily see why talking to friends and family can be a waste of time...

So it appears the wife got a job in the UK (health sector, maybe) and he has come along. Who knows, he might have had a higher status or better job than his wife in Nigeria but roles have reversed to some extent and she is the one with the papers and he is a dependant; and there are children involved (the kids must have been born in Nigeria... He has said, he has not cheated and he is now even maintaining channels of communication with his missus and that the main issues have origins to whatever might have happened in Nigeria and now carried over.

I personally think the OP has done well to come here because he is more or less alone in the country and his own future is at stake - the marriage and family is one thing but he cannot do much without being solid himself. Good luck to him.

* My sibling was also kicked out and I did not get involved because I did not marry his wife and whatever has gone on, is between the two of them. I have not openly blamed his wife but clearly not the type I will hook up with and those omo-eko behaviour does nothing for me. He saw and married her ( I was already abroad) and even brought her abroad. In my view, he has married someone who is not like us as a family - someone a bit more street-wise than himself...

She too was hiding things (OP talked about not being on the bills and some said it does not matter... Maybe not, but he also intimated that she is hiding other things - perhaps not just the kids savings (I dont think that is a big deal in itself). Anyway, long story short, they are separated and nothing changed even with Pastors and family members involved, family friends, elders who is abroad and Nja. * She chose to be a single parent because of financial independence knowing that she will continue to receive money from the husband and she can be in full control of the children; letting him see them from time to time... And also playing silly happy families when they have events - taking pictures and posting on facebook and hanging on to the man, so that he does not move on...

zeezaa:
That's a question Men don't want to answer honestly

Men? How did that question become a men (negative thing)? It was a throwaway comment that meant very little...

In this particular case, the man did not really want to destroy his marriage or want to leave the family home but he was kicked out; and now he is finding others ways to stay in the country and to continue to see his kids and possibly to reconcile with his missus. This one is not a typical case!

If the situation was reversed; the man cannot even easily kick the woman out even if it was his house and he had spent £'000 bringing the wife and kids and even if pays for most things. Furthermore, the woman might still be able to stay in the country because of th children or perceived believe that the man must have been an Ogre and he was at fault...

Having said the above, if she definitely does not love him and cannot stand him any longer, how is she going to keep up the charade for another 4 years; even if they are separated. Bringing someone abroad just add big dimensions to the dynamics of relationships.

Men probably constitute 90% of those that bring their spouses compared to women - men should be given a lot of credit despite what some women (and some men) might think. Icon is very right to try to provide a balance to what Ralph put out there - that the woman has hussled and the man not been in the country long and complaining on an online forum... If you go to the student section, you will read about men sponsoring or co-sponsoring their spouses to come and study or settle abroad and they go and join them later.

Some of the men even have very good jobs that it is a toss up whether they live their jobs or not... Lastly, when a woman goes back to ring a man to come and join her, do we really think these women marry below themselves - like, they just go to their village and pick a poor man like some of the men do?

I will consider myself lucky to have the burden far away and yet sending money while I enjoy myself thoroughly in Nja... Of course, it is no longer a real marriage but the same happens to more men than women.

Not entirely his fault that he was paid so much money - it is totally unreasonable to pay anyone that amount of money while carrying so much debt. However, he outpriced himself as far as Barca is concerned; he delivered year in year out and has been a loyal player but as we can see it was at a price. Now that he has passed his best, how can the club hang on to him even at 20% of his wage (and that will be embarrassing for all anyways).
Barca like all the top football clubs and those that were recently seeking a Super League have created a monster overpriced sports. The success is bought without a doubt - as good as Messi is, he has played with some of the best players in the world and paid very handsomely for it. Greed everywhere - and Messi cannot absolve himself from that also.

He should have resigned as a 1 club man and carried on in a coaching capacity or advisory role with very little pay. He has collected a king's ransom from Barca that he can afford to play or work for nothing in a year or two.

He can go and prove himself at another overspending club in PSG and rejoin with Neymar and all the other mercenaries

He should have been suspended 2 days ago instead of allowing him post silly message on social media. He can be suspended on full pay following investigations.

However, he has implicated himself seriously anyway. What is a top cop doing turning himself into a textile merchant and messenger boy for a dodgy guy that has just made false allegations against a rival?

So Kyari cannot just give Hush the number of the textile merchant without getting too involved?

Moreover, the text about why Vincent was arrested was clear that he knows that the deal is less than straight forward. And what did he do or say to Hush when he found out that Vincent was innocent of threatening lives?

He should be sacked in the end - extradition or not!

Cuban would have honoured his mother more by tarring the road or at least sorting out some of the schools instead of playing football with bundles of cash.

A lot of his friends were shameless the way they were throwing money around... And it is an offence - so they should be cautioned or fined severely

KingAlabi:
Wetin dey cause this thing na different churches, every day another new church dey open, how will there be church growth in a small street with 12 church even facing opposite each other, a church growth will then mean a church reduction.

Na wa Sha.

Big up! They also have an unrealistic expectations of having churches within a few square miles of each other... That makes very little economic sense and in an environment where the internal and external competition is immense or a very poor catchment area, we are not comparing apples with even pears but with orange pith.

Nigerian youths have it so so bad. They turned to churches for employment and chop but they are really in a pyramid scheme... No wonder some of them resort to all sorts.

Just imagine a church expecting much growth from pastors posted to rural north? I will not even go to the North to do business talk less of religion.

As things are in Nigeria, they are just making sure it is a genuine application and documents from Nigerians are often treated with suspicion.

Passport Office are just being thorough though it seems intrusive and feels unfair because of the perception of discrimination (I did not say racism). I am surprised that they applied the same principle to a child born in the USA. However, our people dey somehow somehow, if you know what I mean?
Send whatever documents that you have; and that should not be that hard as the child was born in the US. You can write a cover letter for the missing docs or items.
* This is not infringing on rights or an MP intervention issue; not yet!

If you are going to have a short run up, you better get the ball into the side of the net or up. Saka and Sancho penalty had no receipt or height or even power... The keeper could tell by the shape and short run up. Rashford penalty was very good but he decelerated too much at the end - but it would have been great so if it hit the target...

Jorginho deserved the anxiety and minutes depression with his stupid style... He also did not hit it hard enough - everyone knows he is waiting for the keeper to shift his weight and Pickford waited and stood still. The mumu should always have a backup eg, going high down the middle of just taking it quickly and deceiving the waiting keeper.

The better teams are now short of strikers because almost every team started to copy Spain/Barcelona with the false 9 or midfield scorers or winger scorers.

Pep helped England lose by killing the scoring sharpness of Sterling and turning Foden into a passing forward with little bite...

As for Luke Shaw, he is indeed still carrying weight and not as good as the xenophobic England and Man United fans are shouting. He had a good tournament thanks to Sterling and thanks to teams primarily attacking from their own left side. Walker just could not get forward after the initial 15 minutes or so. Luke had more licence because Sterling was dribbling and occupying the Italian defence of their right; even that dried up as you can see Chiellini going forward and even going past his own midfielders.

Papa Chiellini was so confident because England were sitting so far back that he got caught out and had to pull Saka... Professionalism and typical Italian - and it was not a red card (but deserved one)

Lastly, the England manager had so many attacking players and he decided to play like Mourinho (my manager); he was too defensive despite having better players than Mourinho had at United (Shaw was fat and crap when he was there). Spurs players were not that good but he turned Harry into a more complete player...

England did deserve the win but felt sorry for the boys... The tournament was so weak that a goalkeeper was the best player of the tournament. Jordon Picked was better that Dunarumma but he was on the losing team...

After all the passing and possession, Italy gets a goal from Chiesa directness and a corner kick. And they are back to passing back again...

Only thing is that England are now tired but strong bench

gabylzy:
It's sad that Emerson is the left back for Italy, he's pure ass, hasn't made a single delivery all through the game

I just made same comment... He gets advance position and start passing back... An ex Brazilian that cannot shoot?

Why do teams not go direct with a stable defence like England... They need dribblers and high energy player constantly getting into the box

Italy have been poor... They have had a tough route and stared tournament well but they are very boring and often toothless... All the possession and no crosses, no one running behind defence and no shooting. Only Chiesa is good enough to get in England team

The title given to this thread is not helpful... The OP probably knows what it implies but has not said it all. This is simply a case of a partner not being at the same level or even fundamentally different as far as personal family wealth and ultimately inheritance are concerned.

This sort of wide will be so generous to the detriment of her own children - wrong! Your sibling and family is not as important as the children you brought I to this world - they did not have a choice in that matter...

I know family members that are like this man's wife, even my dear mama... A they do is waste things and efforts and then you have to huddle more to get yourself into what comfortable position you want to be...

The wife is struggling in other ways too but will she listen and see reason? I doubt it! A lot of people do not listen carefully but hear and disregard... I don't waste my time talking and talking to mature people... As they say, half a word is enough for the wise or even go further to say that abo Oro laa so fun Omoluabi...

vickydankal:
I never supported the selling of the car, what I'm interested in telling the op is to find out the reason why the wife wants to know everything, maybe because there is communication bridge between them. Besides there's nothing wrong with in laws helping each other in time of need.

Helping each other is not what you wrote or implied. Helping is one thing but entitlement is another

Kaybae:
Don't condemned her for assisting people, you just have to let her understand it's shouldn't be every time and there is nothing wrong if your wife put mouth in your business or investment. I found it funny when spouse are secretive instead of being open and find solutions easily to a particular issue at hand.

So you think the man has not tried to convince the wife that charity begins at home... He is not being secretive out of malice or bad intentions... He is actually open that most but you do t want a wife that turns you hard work and finance into a basket instead of a safe!

seguno2:
House slave versus plantation slaves

I like this! And they are usually women or Jolly fat bloke who laughs manically and agrees with his slave master

Community engagement... Definitely a made up role for an ethnic minority who will then take most of the blame for lack of diversity...

Charles is good but William is worse and the Queen just pretend to be sweet but they are all white supremacists...

Congrats to the lady!

I am surprised that you are even asking the question... A visitor is not allowed to work - it is very simple! And the answer that it is not legally allowed implied that you might be able to work or get some sort of paid employment but it will be illegal and in contravention of your visa. This immigration 101!

Some do get visas through agents but a lot fall by the wayside. And if the so-called agent cannot be honest with visa applicants then you have to wonder.

Anyway, I am sure that you know that it is not legal to take paid employ on a visitor's visa - your reply shows that. So why waste folks time asking the question?

Great! So what is the problem? I don't want kids anyways...

Mbappe did not develop his game and especially his scoring ability much in 4 years. PSG is not a good place for young talents or even older talent too... They are too comfortable and keep losing and bottling winning situation.

It is good for the boy to come to the premier League and join Liverpool or Man u not city. He can then improve unde good management or under a natural goal scorer like Ole.

How can a goalscorer or forward not be first choice to take penalties... Reminds me of Anelka missing the penalty in sudden death for Chelsea against ManU in CL finals.

The body language was not good and he did not even try to deceive or place in corner - middle for diddle on the time if not confident...

justwise:
I have to disagree with you on this, nobody wants to be associated with a criminal, Even Nigeria will not take him as a criminal but if he is a talented footballer both countries will fight for him. Its what its lets not blame anybody here.

They were even fair with the description, they could have simply say...Nigerian born

100% in agreement. They were fair to him! Anthony Joshua is British but he keeps referencing his Nigerian heritage, so if they say he is British-Nigerian, they will be accurate.

Perhaps I should have read some comments above before my previous but it cuts both ways... You say your kids are Nigerians...

[quote author=wallg123 post=103129249][/quote]So it is alright to say these kids are Nigerians and they should do so-called Nigerian things so that they are in tune with heritage and culture... And we shout why mention that they are British-Nigerian?

No one is breaking any stereotype as long as this kind of news keep popping up. You might not conform to stereotype and might be accepted as thus in your own particular environment but nationally, folks still have a stereotype of Nigerians.

I grin and bear it when I am teased about Nigerian scammers and fraudsters despite the fact that there are perhaps more sophisticated Asian scammers and fraudsters out there and operating from their country and globally. The people I work with might trust me and know that I am different but all I need is to give them a small reason to change their minds...
And that does not change anything when I come across someone that does not know me well - see the way Asian shop keepers will be looking at you when you go to their cash and carry for ethnic stuff...

The headline is even better than we they labelled Linford Christie (Olympic Gold medalist for GB), when he provided a negative sample for drug which turn out to be Carribbean energy drink - Sarsaparilla...

Like I said, fingers are not equal... Folks with money to burn always have loud voices and they at times find it hard to know what it is like for the ordinary folks...

The number of people that have been burned by investing or trying to invest in Nigeria, including being swindled by family members... How do fight for your rights in Nja? Can you always protect yourself from bandits, robbers, kidnappers and more?

Like I said, those with a lot of money to burn can carry the flag and do their Nigerian-ness, whatever that means...

I am a member of the United Nations - I am not nationally aligned to any one nation... Having said that, I have been to Nigeria about twice a year for 3 or 4 years running before the pandemic. I have seen enough of the country - I cried on my last trip because I was so relieved not to have been robbed or kidnapped or my family being put in jeopardy because they know I might be able to pay ransom.

I am struggling to find what I can be proud of about Nigeria... It is not even a united country... I prefer we break up!

justwise:
lol..told him before that too much book dey worry him

We like words too much for Nja! Often times, I wonder whether the usual contributors to this side of Nairaland are majorly comfortable and not aware that folks are dying trying to get to the UK...

Some people are too comfortable... It is like listening to Osinbajo and then comparing his message of hope and progress to reality of which he is firmly part of.

Nja parents should up their level, think of being financially independent and leaving something for the next generation; wherever those kids choose to lay their heads. Stop thinking abroad born kids are going to carry on like you or your parents.

The funny thing is that those of us abroad right now have it worse than our parents. They came, studied and left for good jobs and they probably are reasonably comfortable to move between the 2 countries.

I cannot imagine many Nigerians being able to send their children to Nja for holidays nowadays. The cost and wahala is off-putting and the children end up being put off for life. It is best to leave them to grow up and do well and then find Nja or parent's heritage if they want.

Some of my cousins left Nja at a younger age with their parents and the only time one or two of them have left is for a funeral and they hated it; I dont see them sending their own children or them going back. While I continue to be taxed by family and relations (lucky Lexus), they contribute nothing because their parents take care of that side of things.

That guy's comment too long... But Nigeria is not a good option and most of those children brought up abroad will not go to Nigeria especially given the way things have become... It appears that Chukwu has now too much money for sense... This was a guy that gave up on the country then changed his mind about investing in Nigeria...

People are scrambling to run away from Nigeria and some are just about keeping their heads above water and you are talking about them sending children back to Nigeria... To do what exactly?

From getting passports and renewing passport, to insecurity, the way of life and the sheer cost of the frivolous travel, many of those struggling parents in the UK have better priorities...

The country is a shit hole for most people in and there is no point trying to convince people that know for real and ate not in the money like yourself to think otherwise.

A well integrated child in the UK is half way to securing the future of his offspring and those beyond regardless of whether they tie wrapper to a useless country like Nigeria...

I do agree that other aspects of parenting can be better. But to constantly compare Asians and Orientals that are successful to the ordinary folks blacks or white or brown is not comparing like for like. South Africa is a different case...

The Asians and Orientals are mostly like our Hausas - one person makes it and others mill around them and some others are pulled up to a level but majority are still very poor and even worse than us typical other Nigerian tribes that are more individualists.
We also have our family tax and looking after others that take away from the money that could be used to start businesses and to be properly financially independent.

It is rather unfair to say that ilekokonit is totally negative against the UK and White people. From his yarns and missives, it is obvious he has been in the country a long time and has experienced a lot in several fields of work and many different circumstances. His experience is invaluable to a lot of people that might want to come to this country with naive optimism and lack of preparedness for the cultural shocks and dare we say it, racist attitudes of some of the indigenes and the desperate motives, attitudes and behaviour of our own brothers and sisters...

He has given good advice to a brother about his missus that wants to quit her job because of victimisation or racism (either or, the ffect is worse when you think you are being picked on because of your colour). It is not easy being an introvert and not everyone can just ride with the blows and the slights...

It is not always helpful for our people to quickly side with the white folks by stating that things are not better in Nja or our people are worse in many ways... Racism is not the same as just discrimination on other grounds and where it happens, it should be called out for what it is, after all, the Oyinbos are the ones that brought us the Bible and their religion and their enlightenment and so-called civilisation - they should know better.

Calling a brother out as being unsuccessful is low. He tried relocating to Nigeria but it did not work out as things are now so much worse than the example he gave about someone making it in Nja and refusing to come abroad in the first place to do menial jobs, ending up losing his identity and status and possibly dignity in the chase of the Western dream.

I am with ilekokonit, I watch myself and do not trust the managers and try to be ultra financially independent, knowing that if i decided to quit my job, I will survive well until another one comes along.

* can you imagine that in 1968 (and way beyond), the Royal Family and establishment thought it was not the thing to do to employ someone of colour (any colour except white) to get the job of a clerk... A clerical job, a black or brown or yellow person could not get in 1968. By that time, there have been many Nigerian graduates in more complex fields... We are not even talking of Caribbean or people from South Asia or the Orient.

I just looked at the staff of Prince William - and in 2021, still no black or brown person working for him. And the RF do not subscribe to (negotiated an exemption) discrimination or race acts... Go figure!

Some of these Ponzi schemes also have cooperative named or Religious implied names but nothing holy amount then at all.

People like quick easy money that they dont have to work hard for; no pity! Except that when family and friends get involved, they, of course, try to recruit people close to them. And when it goes South, they come round boring one with their stories and wanting handouts...

Some Nairalanders and Nigerians are somehow somehow

So the man and woman that had 9 children that they cannot feed gets away without much criticism but the one that wants to have less and provide a good future for the few is being pilloried! Hmm

They did not even stop at 7 but carried on... Useless people!

Let me guess here that it was a staged performance by Abiola and his thugs/area boys... The new young wife will not have known and the Oyinbos too will be ignorant of the whole shenanigan... Abiola is a bird of the same feather with the thugs and criminally minded politicians that groom successors to continue to rape Nigeria...

My tuppence!