₦airaland Forum

This is really bad news for all Nigerians that tavel and NIgerians abroad. It is of course a terrifying ordeal for the passegers involved but from a personla point of view; I am now concerned how much searching and checking Nigerians (especially the muslims) will be subjected to.

I have always been confident that Africans in general except the Somalians have been out of the limelight (rightfully so) when it comes to suspected terrorism but now we might not be let off so lightly.

Oh Well!

It depends on what sort of fight. Do you mean row or argue or fisticuffs? An civilised argument or a small row is not always a bad thing - it shows realism and could be a good lesson for the kids in terms of human relations in and out of the family.

I have found to my cost that not leting off steam from time to time in front of the child lead to my ex gently polluting/poisoning the mind of the child subtly. She was ready to make comments whilst saying that we should not do this or that in front of the child,

Constant rowing or bad-tempered rows or arguments are clearly not good. But if th couples are good at making up then maybe it is better thanc couples that pretend and very muchr resentful of each other; and when it all comes out, there is no making up and the kids will be so shocked that their idealic world is after all false.

star, i am interested in what you think of Redeem. I presume you dont want to go to Redeem - is that right?

I dont normally go to church but I went to a Redeem church in Manchester recently, I prefer orthodox quieter churches where the service is not too long and people worship in without too much frenzy or demands for money. Yes, singing, dancing is fine but quiet reflection as well and socialisation is what I want.

Anyway, you did not explain the term 'true church' - please enlighten us (you sound like you are beng diplomatic - oyinbo way)

Finally, which part of Mancs are you based?

Star, what do you mean by a 'true' church? Seriously, how do you separate one church from another given that the most important part of your worship is yourself and God not the church. Of course, if they are preaching things that have nothing to do with the Bible or they ask you for things you cannot do or offer, then I understand.

Secondly, why dont you want Redeem or the other one you mentioned? I am not of any of those churches but I am interestedin why Redeem is not a true church.

Lots of COE, Catholic, Baptist and Methodist and other conventional or orthodox churches in Manchester - are they not true churches?

Doomed Nigeria. After 3 days of fasting and being brainwashed or even given dodgy food or drink, no wonder she is delirious or hallucinating. You are a fool man - no evil spirit but evil doers.

mccloud, amen to your statement. That is a bit of an oxymoron since I dont think much of the religious bullcrap going on in Nigeria. I am still trying to recover from the distress I suffered from watching a programme on UK TV about how people mistreat children in some parts of Nigeria because they think they are witches and wizards. It was shocking! I must have led a protected life but, I know about Juju and people are their silly beliefs and tradition but the cruelty emitted to innocent children just because the parents have problems in their lives is beyond comprehension.

Anyway, the worst part of the programme is the part that the new militant pentecostal churches are playing in demonising people - mostly kids. I was flabbergasted and still in shock.

I really dislike (if not hate) pentecostal shouty churches. And their fake healings and calling people out to give (often bad) revelations. Of course, its bad otherwise how would they make money from offering prayers to help ward off the bad spirits or bad people or bad influences. They are so obsessed with their enemies and money - and their leaders are always super rich.

Akwa Ibom - apparently has more churches per square mile than any other place in the world. The same could be said for Nigeria as whole. In fact, I would prefer a white-witch to a quirk pentecostal man of god. Grrrr!!!

Less distraction from the sha*ging. They are poor already so dont worry too uch about affordability - crazy but true. And are they that bothered with contraception. Oh! Add traditions and even religion. God will look after them,

Of course, we have to be happy with whatever one is blessed with. This topic is just for discussion and if we expand it to a family of lots f girls without a male child then it is worth talking about. Regardless, it does not mean one gender is loved less or that one should resort to our bush man that decided to beat his wife for having another female.

Having said the above, he could have gone and found himself another woman to try having a boy. If it is good enough for the Monarchs, then why not a African man in his Castle.

Is it Important. Not really! But in Africa, patriachy still prevales in many areas, even where you have very successful women in the family structure. Unfortunately, most women still shy away from taking leadership roles but are heavily involved and considered in decision making.

Like Fhemmy said, the women are even more responsible for the traditional way things are done. The women can be more vigilant and militant when it comes to enforcing traditions and keeping other women down. The women sometimes want an heir more than the man - a source of pride,

hiding trying to avoid being labelled a chauvinist, sexist, mysogynist, cavemen African . It is a difficult topic to address but for a man (and most women) the heir to the so-called family throne still has some primitive predominance. For some reason a family without a girl will be considered OK compared to an all female family.

I personally think I will be able to push a male child more than a female one. And what of the passing on the family name. I cannot force my daughters to have compound names or not to take their husbands name.

I consider myself an all-male person not a new-man even though I am very independent and can do a lot of domestic, been in the labour room and understand women issues an do not believe men are superior mentally; I feel most comfortable in male company, doing male things (physical andeven talking dirty) and getting on with things without too much worries about aesthetics, emotions, gossip, what others think of me and not too bothered with nurturing everyone around me.

coolier, there is nothing that much special about a male child in itself. It is the relationship that might matter to the man. He can love his girls and some of his girls might even be tom-boyish and love the kinda of things the man like but at the end of the day girls fo girly things. And most likely they will do those girly things with their mum, aunts, sisters and female friends.

It can be hard for a man to remain thorougly involved with female (and males these days in the west); its a woman world) children, Anyway, mpst parents want to mould their children in the same way as they are and perhaps want the kids to do some of those things they could not achieve especially when it comes to sports, craft and others.

Lastly, I guesw we all want someone to carry on our name (surname) and in all likelihood it will be the male of the family. The girls will marry off and bear their husbands name (most of the time -wayand most dads will wish for that to happen anyway).

For me, there are lots of things that I can do with male chidlren that I will not be able to do with a female child - even simple things as taking them to the toilet, and going on holiday or camping, then there is the various sports and then the lazying around and living like a slob from time to time.


Yes, we love our children but a house just full of women take a special kind of man to cope and be really content. But girls look after parents more - so, its all good.

Do I care what sexybone says - not at all. Too many posters here are too judgemental without even reading or understanding what the poster or discussion.

I make no apologies for calling you out. All of a sudden you assume they married young, that they did not involve god (yea, right - everything that goes wrong is because God is not involved) and then went on to say only god knows what happens.

So God does not test man? Even the most righteous will suffer, But then I dont do God, especially not on an internet forum. Too many god this, god that - and yet, we still suffer and Nigeria is still a mess regardless of the so many born-again.

What being a saint got to do with it - shrrup!!!

Its not that easy to give up without trying. I don think trying to resolve an issue at least once with very trusted and wise people is such as bad thing - but very close family or extended family meeting should be avoided because it is hard for people to be impartial and once things are said, it become a public affair; if not a laughing stock,

Mediation/counselling with professionals at least to give things a chance and to have closure. We make mistakes even with the best intentions in mind.

Hormonal problem or Pre or Postnatal depression could also be a reason why a good woman might change (temporarily - at least). Some women have such bad periods that they are not themselves at those times and the man has to find a way round it,

Lets leave the father-daughter part to one side. The alleged daughter is in her mid 30s (34 or 35) and the man is 56. And he has been in the UK since 1976. So, he was like 21 when he had his daughter to another Nigerian woman? There is more to the story.

Do they ask people to kiss their partner to prove they are married Nah!

fhemmy hope you are learning,

sexybone - bizarre name for someone talking about god. After making the usual negative assumptions (a lot of ppl do on this forum), you said only god knows what happens. If some of you were God for 1 day, there will be lots of retribution.

I know someone in my family that allowed her scary mother (witch to some ppl - even though a church minister by marriage and family associations) to humiliate her husband. The mother slapped the man, they packed her bags and took the children over some domestics. The man went and begged and bidded his time but exacted his revenge when she least expected. My Dad as head of family was asked to pace-maker but he was utterly disrespected and also humiliated by the actions of the senior Iyawo (one of the wives of grandad).

She is now husband-less in Europe and the man will not even allow the kids to see her. And she wants him back even though he hs now re-married. People change within a marriage or all sorts of things happen to bring out the worse in ppl when they are married or sort of confined to so-called 'happiliy ever after' that turns out not as expected.

There will be arguments and disagreement but when you start involving outsider (including pastors unless proper counsellors) then one is heading for trouble especially if the intervention does not work.

Whats all these god stuff? I suppose they probably were married in Church and said their vows; so God knows the situation already.

Your wife will not likely change if your story is to be believed. Divorce her straightaway as you appear not to have kids. An external intervention in a marriage is an extreme solution, and you have done so without success. Why beg her to come back - what for? She is probably hot-headed or easily influenced and how many adults actually change their ways without experiencing some calamity.

If you have been a naughty boy, then face up to your bad ways and make amends; if possible. Otherwise, stay single!

Big deal!

He is not exactly carrying on with his daughter. But if he had been in the UK for so long; where were the children born. He must have been 26 yrs old when he came to the UK and I'm sure he could have got his children citizenship in other ways,

The story is not altogether complete - on wonder the Home Office is not that bothered. Typical of the Daily Mail.

So, it is a Scam, so damn what? The Brits spent a lot of their time and energy scamming the rest of the world in all sorts of ways. It is pay-back time! At least as far as Immigration goes (my opinion on immigration- not money fraud)

So, you are not married then? Good luck to you!

chaircover - yes, discussions on a forum will tend to be of a generalisation type or stereotypical.

Its fhemmy scenario that I am talking about. Women are not all bad spenders or cannot be trusted with money or financial dealings. But mr fhemmy is saying that in situation where the man and woman are roughly equally comfortable in terms of earnings; that the man should pay for everything and that the woman's money should be left for the rainy day. And that when the family need to spend big, the man (so-called head of the family) should go to the woman for that money - it does not make sense to me.

In a situation where the family income is not heavily skewed in favour of the man, a man will not likely go and spend his money on huge gadgets live TV without consultation. At least the family will watch the TV together.

I talk about UK but have also tried to give the typical situation of the lower/middle classes that I know in Nigeria. Will a woman even countenance such a scenario where the man saves his money and they spend all the woman's money - nah!


A lot of women like shopping even if they dont need the things they big - that is a fact all over the world. Add the fact that we are talking here spare cash and typical nja family dependence then the woman has to be a very good exception.

fhemmy lives abroad so I can sort of understand the metro-sexual tendencies. On the one hand mr newman complains about some women sitting at home watching TV - not that many in Nigeria (gossiping probably but not watching soaps for the; and where is the electricity average nja to watch TV in the morning?) On the other hand, he is willing to entrust his wife spare cash just in case he or they need a new car?

I did say I am not talking about honesty/trust but the ability of most nigerian women (or women in general) to keep large amount of spare money. Women naturally spend more than men (even if they are prudent) - they are the types that buy things they dont really need, that does not fit them, things that their friends have and will change the curtains, carpets, fridges etc every so often if they just feel like it. On top of that, add the Nigerian scenario where the husband also takes care of the in-laws and has to look the part and show off. A typical woman will simply use the accumulated money for some of the above and even more. My family members will certainly do that!'

fhemmy - yes, you might spend on barbeques, gadgets, expensive watches or so I suppose that is from your spare cash - not necessarily at the denial of family essentials. fhemmy sounds like a mummy boy and one from a comfortable family (no offence) - the real nja world is not as you paint. So, mr head of house does not want to do financial/investment roles in the house cause he does not trust himself with money.
So, everytime you sleep with someone you entrust them with your life - Come On!

BTW, I did my original calculation wrong on the £3000/month. Yes, Doctors do get more than £40k a year in the UK but the average wage in the UK is around 20K (poss more like £15,000 if you take off the 1% mega-earners.

So given the figure above, most people are earn a lot less than £40k whether in Nigeria or elsewhere. You know some comfortable people but I dont think they are representative unless this is just hypothetical debate - not exactly what the original posted about. It is about some 'women' that think the men are their meal ticket,

Fhemmy, you must be very chilvarous or not quite financially savvy (sorry to say). You want to pay all the bills and then allow your wife to save hers for the rainy day I would not trust any woman to that degree not just as regards her honesty but the ability to manage money. Given what I know about Nigerian women, the money will be wasted esp on other people and poor buys,

Tell me you are married, fhemmy then I might believe you.

People are quick to justify things as tradition. When exactly did the so-called tradition start and how reasonable is this so-called tradition in modern context/palance. What is the most impotant thing in a marriage? Clue! It has little to do with the wedding ceremony or money.

Nigeria will never change or progress with so-called tradition being used to justify bad things. Bride money - what is that about? It should be a token just to maintain the tradition, The days when a whole village raises a cild has long gone - even so, they are doing their duty as parent or loco parentis; it is not for reward.
This is a discussion point. The poster does not say he will go through the same but feels sorry for his brother.

For the Yorubas (that I know) given out fancy gifts during wedding and funerals and other events. This is in fact no our tradition but an import from the celebrity culture in the west where you get goody bags for going to special events. The sorts of things given ranges from very tacky to very expensive these days - so unnecessary show off. And some cant even afford it!

Is Spraying money also a tradition? Given that we did not have paper currency until the Oyinbos came. The Jews do similar but they leave envelopes not vulgarly throw money around. Aarrghh!!!

Come to think of it, £3500 is not that mega - about 40k a year. But that put one in the higher earning bracket in the UK and they make about 10-15% or so

fhemmy, so we agree then; women should be working and paying if they have the money.

I dont know about the situation in Nigeria - I am in the UK and I have been for a long time. Even when I was in Nigeria, I went out with people at my college/educated girls; so the chance that I would have been earning a vast different amount from them is slim.

800K a month - I dont know how many people earn that amount - even in the UK. That is £3000 a month! Doctors dont earn that much. You should try to find a good average when making general arguments. I dont know the people you know but a lot of my folks back home dont earn even close to 100k a month.
Even if a man earns that much he must still be stupid to pay for everything when his wife is equally wealthy. I am not talking about 50/50 share of bills but 50/50 (on average) earnings.

In the UK, it must be common for the man and woman to earn roughly the same as salaried worker but a lot of blokes do 2 jobs and will still return home to a wife that gives them an earful of expectations and grief. The Head of the House title is a figurative term in a modern relationship unless they are very traditional/religious (indoctrinated) or in villages/family setting where women are kept well down.

How stupid of the last 2 posters to think I was suggesting beating women. Irony cannot be your forte!

And is fhemmy really saying that in a 50/50 financial situation the man should still pay all the bills? The man certainly has to be much richer than the man to be able to pay all the bills unless the man is a doormat, an ennuch or a dunce to allow his wife to save her own money or use it for her own purpose. Where is the partnership or what is yours is also mine.

No wonder, the women clearly outlive the men in Nigeria/Africa much more than it is elsewhere. STRESS!

Who is fhemmy? Are you just playing devil' advocate or what? Are you talking about village situation or the real world?
How many men are making just too much money to take care of all the bills? My grandmother in her days worked, my mother worked and my dad certainly did not just home from work to read the papers or watch TV, When it comes to shopping and budgetting my dad was far better than any woman at that job,

When I was growing up, I helped change nappy and did cooking so I dont understand where all these idea of a woman doing shed loads of work to warranty not working or spending her money on herself alone.
I have just given what situation is nowadays. Very few men can comfortable pay for all the bills except if you deliberately marry someone who way off financially from yourself. I dont think the original poster mentioned the man earning a lot more than the woman or even 50/50?

As for the religious nonsense - that is what it is to me. Each to their own as you said; freedomof speech. Yes, I heard a pastor complain that r modern women only want 2 or 3 children - he said the minimum should be like 7 Yea, right! And he has 2 wives.

Typical religious claptrap! The Pastor says this or that. Dont you people have a mind of your own? Is the Pastor going to help the man when he is so damn stressed out worrying about bill when his wife is using her earnings to by shoes etc? Add unto the paying the bills, the need to impress in-laws and extended family members by spending money one does not have. Nigeria will never progress as long as the individual cannot be allowed to grow without societal unreasonable pressure,

It is as if, most modern Nigerian women respect the man as the Head of the family. Apart from the responsiblity what are the benefits of being a head of a family?

Am I still allowed to flog my wife( or the odd slap) as the head of the family or have my way with her regardless of her wishes?

Must the husband always be richer or prosperous than the wife?

I find that in the UK, life is so much easier for a woman - less racism/discrimination, the middle range/management or even most available jobs go to women e.g, nursing, social work, teaching, secretary et al, catering, local govt jobs and many more. Even an equally qualified blsck male will struggle to get the same job as a black male.

The legacy of the slave trade has not been fully eradicated: you had a predominant situation where the men were worked ever so hard and flogged whislt the women were used as domestics or even as playthings. Consequently, the white man always fears the black man and sometimes rightfully so. If they dont fear, they are immensely jealous or envious, And cant abide by a black male doing well. Right, these are general statements so not true for most situation.

Given the scenario above, it can be hard for a man in the western world to impress a woman because she is likely going to be just as successful (comparatively) than the woman. And if you addth stupid traditional vie of some nja women of expecting the man to foot the bill in all ways, then you can see why it is hard for nja guys (and other black males; us/west indian) to go for nja ladies. That is why most end up with white women and why the women tend to fall for con-men and wasters.

Has anyone heard of the Angry Black Women Syndrome? More  of a western (US/UK) phenom than African but black women can get angry so easily and the frownss - na wa o! I was in Nigeria recently -  a lot of the women (most youngish) had frowns on their faces

I dont even see what the problem is just from the video clip. Yes, if you live there, it might appear like a ghetto. But, but they do sweep up (the council), you have electricity, water, buses that run and a train station further up and you can pick up decent Nja, west indian, asian and other food at affordable prices.

Peckham has its problems but lets get real here. You can live a very decent and respectable and fun live in Peckham. There are worse places all over the western world - that is before we add developing and underdeveloped countries.

I used to live in Peckham and made progress and now live in the North West. I'll rather be back in Peckham but funny enough, I cannot afford it these days - at least to get something comparable. I now live with mostly whites and it is no fun.

There are nice places in Peckham district. North Peckham and the estates can be like Nja and it is heavily populated by migrants of all sorts but it can be fun. Living in the sticks sometimes is not much fun and can be isolating,

Just because it is in the UK does not make it perfect but on average or balance life is still better in Peckham than in many parts of Lagos - as long as one has work and a bit of money; status is a different thing but one can take in whatever one does.

tosh, you have redeemed yourself with your sense of humour. LOL

Poster, yes, use your Nigerian passport to travel out - so no need for a Visa and then use the two together or just your US for going back to the US. (tosh was right this time - if you actually have a Nja passport then you should know the answer. But no harm in asking and confirming things.

red is also funny - wanting to have a baby in the USA - that is so calculating, And the retort is good from both sides - BIG HUG all around

tosh, give it a rest. Just give the guy advice - good advice on the Internet, thx.
Even without speaking, people know a JJC - it can be obvious. I went with my mum to the market and I was speaking adulterated Yoruba - like most educated peope (not many people speak pure dialect). And the people are just saying look at him, and was making comment in Yoruba which I understtod. I just laughed and told them at the end that I am not a JJC - but I was really. You never lose your language completely but I will not be confident to make a speech or read out in public in Yoruba without practice. * If speaking to officials, throw in a few dialects and tone down accent - it makes things easier, e.g at airport, police checks, passport office and others; and in markets let people that know help or speak pigeon English.

But there is no need to pick on the person that was born abroad or have stayed a long time in the company of whites, At least by coming to Nairaland, the person is identifying with fellow Nigerians. I find it funny that some Nigerians complain or make comments about abroad kids whereas all their kids go to private school and they speak English at school and home in Nigeria. Many nephews and nieces are not so different from those here in the way the speak and behave - some are even more spoiled and have little social skills.

Yes, it is not 100% true that Nigeria has gone backwards - just my opinion but it is the kind of country where we try to run before we can walked. There are some aspects of Nigeria that are better for Nigerians than the average Brit or American but we have not taking the whole country forward compared to countries like Ghana, Egypt, Libya and the other North African countries. We are so rich but so wasteful and greedy!

Driving around in the East? Well, people do so everyday - so it should not be a problem. But from what I hear (from News and a man on the plane cut his travel shotrt) the major kidnapping is from that part of the country but it should not stop you going about your business. Are you in a country where they drive on the same side as Nigeria? If so, then you might feel confident about driving but I doubt your driving skill will be up to driving in major bigger cities like Enugu or Calabar but then I doubt you will be driving yourself around. I only drove in my village but couldnt drive to and in Lagos or Ibadan for example.

Go on Wikipedia or CBN website to see the new banknotes, 20 naira would not get you much these days - an orange, groundnut, photocopy (1 page), a text of message, smallest of snacks, a sachet of pure water, change and begger money etc,

Murtala Muhammed is a much better airport these days. You dont need to go all the way to Abuja but Abuja is a beautiful place and worth a visit. I did my service in Calabar and it still look like a fine city from some pictures on Nairaland (check it out on Travel forum).

Brother! Some people on Nairaland might have intense bad feelings to people abroad and will defend Nigeria regardless of what is the truth but you will find that overall Nigeria has gone backwards. Yes, some people are doing well, have laptops etc, big jeeps, houses and are enlightened but my summation is that the quality of life for the average is down - trust, education, food, amenities, road networks and even quality of radio and TV.
But Nigeria is still alive and will challenge you, frustrate you, educate you, spiritualise you and above all entertain and make you smile at the many idiosyncracies. Dont fear or worry - go boldly and enjoy yourself!

What is the situation as regards Internet Cafes in Nigeria? I suppose big cities have many Internet access points but in some of the smaller towns, I dont think they are not enough or none at all. I thought there will be at least access to internet up and down the country but electricity is always a problems - even those mushroom photocopy/comms centre only put the generator on when they have business. I thought about 10 years or so ago, people were setting up communication centre all over the place.

How much is to access the internet at an internet cafe? Can Lagos people please enlighten us on the location of some of the popular and good Internet Cafes. An aunt of mine had a internet/flash drive/usb dongle to access the internet - I think she said she pays about 12,000 naira a month for this faclity - its just like broadband (I dont know whether it is also linked to her mobile phone).

Can this dongle access be bought/acquired for just a month or so; or does one have to enter into a contract like you would with a broadband access?

Unlock your phone before coming or buy a cheap one in Nigeria. I dont advice you just handing over an expensive mobile phone to just any unlock business.