Disclaimer:
I was only able to explore Owerri and the neighboring areas (Port Harcourt, Umuahia, Etiti, etc) so I can only speak for those areas. Lagos is obviously the ultimate litmus test for Nigeria and I'll get a chance to explore it later this year. And also, my thoughts in this post were not later organized: I found it best to just leave them in the order they entered my mind so you'll get a sense of what I felt and saw.

I.
Somehow I convinced myself that I was ready for the heat and human-sized mosquitoes with teeth that were clearly laughing and waiting for me to fall asleep! I do have to admit that SC Johnson's OFF and Cutter's Skinsations really work! I was 100% sure that these mosquitoes would turn me into a buffet but the products kept them at bay for most of the night. Even the brave ones that came really close in an attempt to impress the female mosquitoes couldn't get a single successful bite! I do have to confess that I was a bit unnerved when two mosquitoes comfortably landed on Cutter's Skinsations insect repellent as if to suggest - This crap won't work on us buddy, THIS IS AFRICAAA! I thought to myself, 'I am royally screwed!'

II.
The Nigeria I left was definitely much more conservative than this one. The city centers are booming, however, in the rural areas, much of the infrastructure remain the same which is a bit disappointing. It is encouraging, however, that we are following suite with China by bypassing the landline era and catapulting, slowly but surely, into the wireless revolution. I'm still a bit shocked that Abuja and Port Harcourt international airports have just 1 runway each and everything, I mean EVERYTHING, was extremely manual and slow...I''m actually a bit salty and ashamed of that! The fashion is definitely more advanced and westernized than any other sector....there's clearly a Brazilian hair and makeup revolution in Nigeria.

III.
The whole drive to the hotel was hard to explain...good roads, bad roads, horrendous roads; military and police personnel everywhere; lots of checkpoints, chaotic corners and squares, orderly disorder and complete disregard for any sensible traffic suggestion...With this sort of self regulation on the roads, how are there not more accidents? It was obvious after a few minutes that the street signs, and traffic markers, were available, were just suggestions to be ignored at the driver's convenience..Parking spaces are clearly not part of any construction project...the streets and highways are the best spots to part your car. There's no parking anywhere!

IV.
My first taste of Owerri was rice and stew with beans, fried plantain and chicken.I must say, it was worth every second of the 14 years that I was away. And of course I proceeded to devour akamu and beans the next morning for breakfast and finally pounded yam and egusi soup. No food marriage has brought more happiness to my life than egusi coupled with pounded yam. I ate a lot. If it weren't for the scorching heat, I would have added at least 10 pounds of stomach. I do have to admit that I'm still a bit on edge, anxious and defensive given all the scary' stories but so far so good. It's definitely been quite the trip already...hard to explain all the mixed emotions but this is home...For better or for worse, this is home.

VI.
Electricity went off 7 times my first night. Scared the crap out of me each time to be in complete darkness in an unknown territory. Lol...Thank God my dad brought me a rechargeable torch that I forever glued to my sides!

VII.
I compared Nigeria go China...not even close. It's more like India...especially New Delhi...crowded, bustling with interesting air quality and questionable planning overall. China is definitely much more advanced and developed...and much cleaner too. It takes a few hours for your senses to adjust to the sounds, sight invasions and smells. I also thought that China was as hot as Nigeria, maybe slightly cooler. Far from true! China is warm at best compared to Nigeria. I'm not even sure how to explain the heat. It's obvious that the sun is purposefully slow-roasting my people to medium-well temperatures. If I spend another week in Nigeria, I'd be medium well at the least. I arrived in Nigeria already dark black and just 5 days into my trip, I'm midnight black; close your eyes...YES, that black! I'm talking PIKABOO black. This is ridiculous how people live without air-conditioning. I walk for 2 minutes and I feel like I'm showering in the sun...sweat literally drip down all body parts.

Read my entire reaction at [url]churific.com/nigeria14[/url]

Here's my summary video snipets:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTifK_-9ytQ

Thank you and remain blessed! There's definitely hope for Nigeria and Africa. Progress is inevitable.

Hello guys!

Hope everyone is having a fantastic start to their 2016!

Here's another animated short story from Africalistic about relationships. Ignore the attention grabbing and exaggerated title, have an open mind and enjoy it! It's more humorist than realistic...cheers!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMZdf2Kz8rw

Africalistic animates short stories from Africans in the Diaspora. Here's the first episode about cultural differences with dating:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-zFU6b1dRM?list=PLbYuz1SpZBmj9dXRoyY1iw6g4Dfx-A-v4

Happy Thanksgiving Nigeria! Check out our mashup of 20 Nigerian Hip Hop Songs...Can you name all 20? (First one is not Nigerian by the way.)


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCIx8lh2cug

We went to World Fest 2015 in at the Louisville Belvedere and we witnessed Flavor Flav look alike attempt to dance to African music! We couldn't stop laughing!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tkteOfhGlTA

I spent a few months in Chin and Australia and then I recently moved to a new city in the US. While checking out some online dating sites, I ran across an actress, Sid! She came to visit and we had an interesting and random conversation about online dating! Enjoy our foolishness and of course singing at the end!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VCuUGGYI6Ts

An interesting, funny and heated argument on Dating and Sex by young African men and women. We were all playing extremes so don't take it too seriously! Please like us on Facebook and subscribe to Africanship.com. We'll have more interesting posts and podcasts coming up!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=scxgRw7gadw

In the early years of learning about courtship with women, most males in my observation don’t seem to have a problem relating to their female counterparts as equals, the regression starts shortly about the time they start taking relationships more seriously. Some will even pretend to go along with the “program”, until after marriage for their true colors to emerge.

Some are quick to whip out the culture or religious card when it suits them. Selectively quoting the bible that wives should submit to their husbands, and taking it to a whole new level when the need arises to keep the woman in line or when being challenged about unequal power structure in the home; at such times, this breed, bible in hand, is at his sanctimonious best. This ultimately in some situations lead to women being in emotionally and sometimes physically abusive relationships. Some wives, to their husbands are no more than glorified “hired help” who just also happens to share the bosses’ bed.

I know of several strong women who go into marriage intact, as capable and achieving individuals, only for the insecurity of the man to make him want to put her down, keep her down and deconstruct her psyche. I’ve had this discussion with a lot of self-assured, mature guys who themselves can’t understand the ways of their fellow men. Why indeed does a man marry a strong woman but once she becomes his wife, he wants her to be as strong as his control permits.

Why take a bird, whose plumage and free-spiritedness you admire, just to break its wings and put it in a cage of perpetual servitude? Why will a man who claims to love his wife want to “enslave” her, make her feel worthless by breaking her spirit all in the name of some unproductive, archaic aspects of an otherwise beautiful and rich culture (Article: Be all the Oyinbo you wanna be, but be all the African that you are). I know of men whose twisted way of thinking defines a strong woman as the one who every times he “beats her down emotionally” can get up to take some more.

These are indeed deep symptoms of major complexes, immaturity and sometimes undiagnosed mental illnesses. What happens in a lot of cases, then, is when the man has accomplished this feat of reducing his wife to “rubbish“, the “hunter” goes out in search of another woman outside who will challenge him, as the one whose spirit he’s broken at home now bores him.

I know an Ivy League trained 30-something year old physician who has spent most of his adult life in several countries around the world, got the best education money can buy, yet asserts that if his wife who also happens to be in the same professional field ever makes more money than he does, she would have to quit the job. He also maintains that if her career ever interferes with her ability to fix dinner before he gets home, she’ll have to be a stay-at- home spouse.

In short, give up all the years she’s toiled in ‘med school just so he can have his African palate satiated. I say, this one needs some serious intervention. So, even with the self-professed cosmopolite who may be wearing the Armani suit, and donning a Dior façade, sometimes, if you just peel the layers off, what you get is a man in loin clothes holding a spear. Like they say, it has nothing to do with education or exposure, some men get it, and some are forever lost in the haze of pre-dawn.

Some will not let the woman in their lives fulfill her dreams under some pretext or the other while the true underlying problem is that he really feels she will better him and become uncontrollable by him, so he stands in her way. When a man feels threatened by a woman’s achievements and thus tries to be a stumbling block to her success and the full utilization of her talents for selfish reasons, maybe he is the one indeed breaking God‘s law, because, this same God who these men claim want a woman to be in beneath them will not give a woman her talents if He doesn’t intend for her to use it.

He will ask of her “So my dear daughter, what did you do with your talents” to which her reply would be “My husband was feeling very insecure, so I had to bury my talents to protect his ego and of course, I had to be home every night to cook from scratch because he won‘t lift a finger till I get home, and since my night MBA classes got in the way of feeding my hubby, he asked me to give that up too“.

In a group of so-called “Professional” Africans in NY the other day, the conversation naturally turned to relationships, and the men discussed the types of women they would like to date….most basically want a woman who is sophisticated and strong, but “humble enough” to be traditional in the African way. Which judging from earlier inputs in the conversation basically translates to “A woman who can pound yam with a mortar and pestle while wearing high heels and mini skirt, can take emotional abuse with a smile all day, and at night turn into a ferocious “sex kitten” in the bedroom.

And oh, someone who will not embarrass them when they go to those professional meetings“. Of course they want a traditional woman. It suits them. In a culture where they rule the roost, why give up your throne? Keep them down, pregnant and barefoot. Power intoxicates, even in the microcosm of a man’s castle. It takes a secure man to realize the unfairness of the system, and do something in his universe to make a difference. But what you see in most cases are those who will die first, splitting every single hair on their heads than see the system dismantled.

In utter frustration, some men will go as far to ascribe the African Woman who is assertive as too westernized, resort to labeling her a lesbian or a frustrated “old maid”. Some go back to their countries or villages to bring wives in the hopes that she’s “tamer” than their “lost” sisters abroad who have thrown away everything African. Excuse me sir? Yes sir, em, yes you….I have a question…if culture was that important, all aspects of it, why are you naming that your true-blood African bambino Ian or Debra, why aren’t you worshipping the gods of your forefathers?

Why indeed are you not participating in rituals of human sacrifice? or digging that chic with “tribal marks” of the Ondo or Ogbomosho variety? After all, these were cultural phenomenon in our recent history. My point exactly!, culture is dynamic, you borrow, lend, discard and retain what is useful (Article: Custodians of the African Culture). Putting women beneath men in a society to serve the selfish purpose of some is only useful to those who benefit from the tyranny.

Within African marriages, women have an obligation to have children. If a couple is infertile, it’s always the woman’s fault. African men never believe they could have fertility problems, you see them avoiding the issue of a gynecological check up.

Goodness, how can they, the most virile men on earth be subjected to such indignity? and if the problem is eventually diagnosed as theirs, they still have their wives take the fall to save their egos. A distant cousin of mine divorced his wife because they couldn’t conceive after what seems like a reasonable time due to a botched abortion procedure he was as much a part of as she was while they were dating. Today, he’s remarried with three kids. I don’t know what became of her. This is one of the reasons I strongly believe abortion is a disservice to women (and unborn children) contrary to what the feminist movement advocates.

If these points bring you to the brink of suffering an emotional aneurysm, maybe it hits a little too close to home. There needs to be a major paradigm shift in our culture to raise men to treat women with dignity and mutual respect.

Are there terrible, conniving, “wish you had never crossed paths with” types of women who bring out the worst in men? You bet!

by Folasayo Dele-Ogunrinde

For more on African relationships and to read about The Problem With Some AFRICAN WOMEN, please check out our new blog: [url]Africanship.com[/url]

So I tried a different platform for my short stories…Check out my first one, ‘The Lady With An Ant Bladder’ about a girl who made my flight from Guangzhou, China to New York a bit unbearable. Let me know what you think:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TmCb7TdLNdQ

For more of ours stories, check out our blog: www.Humoredin.com and follow us on twitter @churific!

Thanks.

I know this is not the best way to tell a story or summarize a trip but sometimes, I like to say "away with the norm" and just go completely random with my shots!

Beautiful random snapshots of our second trip to China. We explored Guangzhou, Shanghai, Dongguan, Suzhou and Shenzhen. Check out some of our other stories and videos at www.Humoredin.com.

We also made a stop in Delhi, India for a few days.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0gNoytZY8w

I live in a Loft so I use the laundry machines in the facilities since I decided against getting one in my unit given how frequently I relocate! On Sunday, the coke vending machine we use for coins accepted my $20 bill and gave me absolutely nothing in return! Imagine my frustration!

I drove to the leasing office to make my simple case….I was told that they’ll get in touch with the contractor company that owns the vending machine and sort this out. Today, 4 days later, I went to the leasing office to pay my rent and figured it was a perfect time to get an update because $20 is a lot of money in ‘laundry dollars.’ That's over 2,500 Naira!

Coincidentally, today also happens to be the day that Rihanna’s BBHMM video premiered… chilling but a well produced video by the way…you should check it out…Before going to the leasing office, I’ve already listened to the song 3 times and watched the video twice so it was embedded in my brain for the rest of the day and I had to literally restrain my mouth from confessing it in business meetings!

Anyways, back to the leasing office….So, while one of the nicer ladies that work there went to get an update for me, the song, out of nowhere, just jumped out of my mouth as if it were planned…And as she made her way back to me, a well-timed coincident, the chorus, let itself out and I found myself singing: ‘b*tch better have my money…Y’all should know me well enough…Pay me what you owe me!’ Oh God! Hahaha.

Watch the BBHMM video that premiered today: http://humoredin.com/bbhmm/

Slimzjoe:
Copied from a Foreign Blog.


Nxt

Yes, but that foreign blog is actually mine! churific.com along with Humoredin.com Thanks for reading.

Some say looks aren't everything. Fortunately, I'm not some as I only partially agree with that premise, I do have 3 physical appearance criteria for a potential date:

1. You Must Look Better Than Me
I'm not the best looking guy in the world so this is definitely not too much to ask for... Besides, it sounds a lot better than saying 'you cannot be uglier than Precious from Lord of The Rings and I am in no way insinuating that I am as ugly as Precious! God forbid! In all my relationships, I solemnly promise to make the woman 'lucky' in so many other ways but never when it comes to looks...I want to be the lucky one in that department. I want people to ask, "Damn, how did you get her?" It's an automatic disqualification once people start asking me, "Damn, how did she get you?"

2. I Have To Be Able To Lift You...Comfortably
Why? I'm dancer, specifically, an Argentinean tango dancer. As a nuevo or new age dancer, there's quite a lot of lifts and twirls involved. I need a partner I can nuevo tango and comfortably lift without having to pray for additional strength from God! Fine, I'm lying! I just needed a more polite way to say the that you can't be fatter than black Precious from the 2009 movie Precious. You can't even be half as fat! She was really big! Besides, the last thing I want is to take dates away from the fat market...That's definitely not fair to fat guys! Another lie...please just don't be fat! This section calls for a disclaimer: I have nothing against fat people! I have a lot of fat friends (now I'm stealing from the famous 'I am not a racist' credibility statement: I have black friends!)

3. You Cannot Have a Good Long-Term Memory
Research shows that people with good memories are extremely good liars...an excellent memory not only allow them to quickly fabricate stories, but also provide them with the brain capacity to retain and build on these stories. Knowing that I'm one of those people, I can't imagine having to deal with a female version! And for those smart Alec that'd argue that memories are not physical, let me assure you that neuroscientists at MIT have discovered that memories are physical and can be reactivated. Look it up!

Anyways, once the damsel has pass all three of these easily attainable physical criteria, we can then proceed to the intangible criteria assuming that I pass her!

*This is simply for humor...hopefully no one takes it to heart! Have a great weekend everyone.

Source: http://churific.com/physicalappearance/

We continuously compare our struggles to other people’s highlight reels (successes, FB & Instagram posts, etc.) We never compare our struggles to their struggles. If we knew what some people had to sacrifice, do and endure to become successful, some of us would rather remain poor.

Although perceived as successful, I am actually still in a transitional phase between struggle and success, yet, I get scores of people asking me for monetary and other assistance on a daily basis. While I love and live to help people, it scares me a bit to wonder what would actually happen once I am successful!

Here’s a conversation I had yesterday with a high school mate I haven’t spoken to in over 10 years:

Mate: Chu! I see you doing big things. I want to be like you when I grow up.
Chu: Dude, you’re 3 years older than me…but longest time. What have you been up to?
Mate: You know, I’m just slinging work
Chu: I don’t get it. What does that mean?
Mate: You know, I gotta get it how I get it!
Chu: That’s cool man. Keep getting it how you get it…and don’t give up.
Mate: For sure! But bro, can I hold like $60 though…I know you got it?
Chu: Yeah you can hold like $60 but I’ll be holding the other end!

Source: www.humoredin.com

“Secrets have weight. The more you keep, the harder it is to keep moving.”
There is not a single human on the face of the earth without a secret. As all Christians know, even the almighty and all-knowing God has a specific secret that is unknown to all the heavenly bodies and even his only begotten son, Jesus Christ. And that’s the date of ‘The Second Coming!” The bible does mention the even Jesus does not know when the second coming will be; only the Father, God, has that information (Mark 13:32.)

A secret is only as powerful as its perceived consequence. I remember keeping things from my parents growing up only to be pleasantly surprised at how little they reacted once they finally found out my supposedly ‘big secret’…And these are things that, at the time, made me believe that my life would come crashing down once my secret is out. But knowing this now, I still have secrets…secrets that I wouldn’t dare tell anyone…I wouldn’t even repeat these secrets to myself out loud for fear that my walls may have ears!

I’m not advocating complete disclosure of all your secrets, however, learn to shed some as you take on new secrets…Having no secrets at all may be equally as bad as having too many secrets!

Source: www.humoredin.com/secrets

They say LOVE is free! Unfortunately, money disagrees. Although money can’t buy love, you definitely need money…lots of it…to keep love. So before “I do,” let’s examine how fiscally responsible temporarily suspending love can be…especially if you’re young. With simple calculations, we’ve determined that love can cost an upward of $100K even before marriage begins. Some of our estimates are pulled from the book The Rosie Project by Graeme Simsion and reported on in The Telegraph. Assuming that an adult will go on roughly 50 casual dates, have about 4 short-term relationships averaging a year or less, and 3 long-term relationships averaging a year or more before finding The One, let’s look at the numbers:

Casual Dating – A cheap date, food and 2 movie tickets, will set one back roughly $60 so that’s at least $3,000 for the 50 casual dates.

Short Term Relationships (4 total) – Assuming the 4 short-term relationships average 6 months each, that’s roughly 16 major spending events (1 birthday, 1 Christmas, 1 Valentine, 1 month and 6-month anniversaries) per relationship in additional to approximately 96 dates (1 date per week.) At $100 per event, the 16 major events will cost $1,600 while the 96 dates will require an additional $5,760 at $60 per date. That’s $7,360 for the 4 short-term relationships.

Long Term Relationships (3 total) – Assuming the 3 relationships average roughly 2 years, that’s another 30 major spending events (at least 2 birthdays, 2 Christmases, 2 Valentine days and 4 anniversaries (1 month, 6-month, 1 year and 2-year anniversaries) per relationship in addition to approximately 288 dates (1 date per week.) At $150 per event, the 30 major events will cost $4,500 while the 288 dates will require an additional $28,800 at $100 each. Note that the Long term relationship are a more serious so there’s more spending per date and event. So that’s about $33,300 for the 3 long-term relationships.

The One

Dating & Engagement (3.5 years) – The average time between meeting and marriage is about 3.5 years. During those 3.5 years, one spends roughly $16,800 on courtship (1 date per week at $100/date.) Unfortunately, this does not include the 3 birthdays, 3 Valentines, 3 Christmases, and at least 5 anniversaries (1 month, 6 months, 1 year, 2-year and 3-year anniversaries) that may require spending. At $150 per event, that’s an additional $2,400. The engagement ring will cost roughly $4,000 and the engagement trip, another $2,000. That’s a total of $26,700 on ‘The One’ even before the wedding!

Wedding and Honeymoon – According to Cost of Wedding, the wedding will cost roughly $25,200. This includes the wedding ring, attires, entertainment, invitations, venue, catering, planning, etc. And don’t forget the need to go somewhere memorable for the honeymoon which will require an additional $5,000 according to USA Today for a total of $30,200 on the wedding and honeymoon.

This brings the average cost of love to a whopping $100,560! And this is all before the actual marriage even begins! Not to mention that the love would be even more expensive if there were kids, long distances or leeches involved in the relationship. One most likely won’t save $100k by remaining single and dying alone, however, one can certainly save quite a bit by cutting back on dates, engaging in fewer relationships and spending as much time alone as possible. We still believe that love will always outweigh money, however, timing makes all the difference! As a wise man once said, “you’ll always lose money chasing women but you’ll never lose women chasing money.”

For more short stories using simple math, visit us at [url]humoredin.com[/url]

“We spend money we don’t have on things we don’t need, to make impressions that don’t matter.” – Tim Jackson.

Americans spent 1.2 trillion dollars on good and services that weren’t needed (dining out, drinks, clothes, games, apps, gadgets, shoes, jewelry, deal websites, daily coffee trips, premium cable, expedited shipping, etc.) With approximately 123 million households, this amounts to roughly $10K/year or $800/month. If you lack conscious financial disciple, you will always struggle with money whether you make $10K or $10M annually. When we speak of financial discipline, we often focus too much on the macro or fixed expenditures that are easier to anticipate and manage (rent, insurance, car note, loans, etc.) However, what hurts us even more are the seemingly insignificant impulse buys that slowly but surely add up and eat away at our potential savings and assets. Speaking of assets, there’s one huge distinction between the rich, the middle class and the poor and that’s in how they spend their money.

The Poor – On paydays, the poor often spend their money on ‘stuff’…mostly things they don’t need to survive. Their houses and cars are overwhelmed with so much ‘stuff’ that there’s absolutely no room anywhere and yet they’re trapped in a cycle of buying more ‘stuff’ (shoes, games, apps, gadgets, jewelries, decorations, you name it.) They simply justify buying all these ‘stuff’ by claiming that they costs so little because they came from flea markets, dollar stores, garage sales, online deals, etc…And over the years, that’s all they’ll ever have…stuff that can never create cash-flow!

The Middle Class – Those in the middle class appear rich, however, they spend their money acquiring liabilities (things they owe…that mostly require monthly payments) such as cars, houses, boats, etc. Although they make 6-7 figure salaries, their monthly expenses often equal or even outweigh their monthly income. This may be another reason why the middle class seem to be dwindling.
The Rich – The rich simply spend their money acquiring assets (assets are things or investments that generate cash-flows) such as stocks, bonds, real estate, education, etc. The cash-flow generated by these assets are then used to acquire more assets and the cycle is simply glorious.

The Rich – The rich simply spend their money acquiring assets (assets are things or investments that generate cash-flows) such as stocks, bonds, real estate, education, etc. The cash-flow generated by these assets are then used to acquire more assets and the cycle is simply glorious.

Continue reading: www.humoredin.com/financialdiscipline

When it comes to Online Dating, we Africans are usually the last ones to admit we are doing it! Most people we tell you, "We met at the store." So I decided to share this post from my blog:

Online Dating: Lies and Tips

Lies

It amazes me at how many people deny online dating yet, there are millions of people occupying every online dating site you could think of. Things are changing people and it’s okay! There’s no longer a need to lie about meeting him or her at Wal-Mart when you really met on Okcupid or Swipe Right!

Furthermore, stop lying to yourself about why you’re really online dating. Every single girl will tell you, “oh, my friend told me about it so I decided to check it out and see what this online dating thing is all about.” Really? First of all, a Google search is not your friend and you know exactly what it’s all about: You chat with complete strangers until you decide to meet one or more while hoping none of them are serial killers!

Also, “I’m too busy” or “I’m too new to town” to meet people in real life doesn’t quite do it either. There are literally people everywhere unless of course you live in a farming town with 10 people! If you are truly too busy, then you really shouldn’t be online dating because eventually, you’ll have to meet these people in real life and that requires time and commitment.

It’s okay to admit that you’re lonely, “shy” or rather scared of rejection just like everyone else online or that no one is approaching you in real life so you’re taking matters into your own hands! Bravery! Yesterday, a lady gave me an excuse I’ve heard too many times: There are no good people to date in my area. No, YOU are the problem! Either you’re too close-minded and shallow or all the “good people” are staying away from you with good reasons! There are “good people” everywhere! Even among ISIS, I’m sure you can find at least one good date! I admit that may be distasteful but I’m trying to make a point here.

Strategies

Massaging and leaving your online dating profile as vague as possible to cast a wider net is possibly the worst strategy and mentality for online dating. The goal is for your profile to be attractive enough to deliver at least a 10% conversion rate and allow you to discontinue the site within two weeks or so. After two weeks, not only do you see the same people over and over again with 1 or 2 new additions a day depending on the size of your city, but you also start to look desperate and your reasons for online dating start to make less sense. Think about it.

Here are 4 Tips to laser focus your profile and capture the most tantalizing and compatible candidates.

Before Your Profile: Even before filling out a profile, you must know exactly what ship you want…friendship or a relationship…this will determine how specific your profile should be. There’s no reason for you to update your profile a million times. Check out the competition and devise your differentiation strategy before writing.

Write Your Profile: Now that you know what you want, introduce yourself, your activities and a few of your passions. Write exactly what you want and then add your differentiation strategy. Your profile is not a resume! It’s a bit useless to leave it blank even on Swipe Right and no one has an hour to go through several paragraphs. Be as brief and as persuasive as possible, but most importantly, DO NOT LIE!

Strategic Pictures: Do not, I repeat, do not use your best pictures or pictures that are false representations of your current physical appearance. Not only is it a form of lying and evidence of low self-esteem, it is also scientifically proven that it will work against you! You will fail terribly to live up to physical expectations when you finally come face to face with a promising candidate. The most successful ones are those that use causal photos and even bad or modest photos. Because if you’re able to capture someone’s attention with average pictures, you know they’re interested in more than just your looks and they’ll be pleasantly surprised once they meet you in person thereby ballooning your chances of a second date!

Strategic Messages: Your messages must be brief, persuasive, convey comfort but most importantly, encourage her to click on your profile. Fact is, there are a lot more men than women on every dating site and the women, especially the most promising ones, are constantly bombarded with all sorts of vulgarity and sexual requests making it extremely difficult for them to sort through the garbage to find meaningful candidates. If you’re a guy, other guys have already ruined it for you so you must stand out and avoid any words, phrases or sentences that would hint that you’re interested in sex… even if you are! Also make sure you strategically convey that you actually read the person’s profile rather than just glancing at pictures and firing messages (do take them time and read the profile…it’s embarrassing to ask questions that have been answered.) Lastly, give him or her a call to action. One of my favorites is, “please take a look at my profile and let me know if you care for a chat.” Please don’t be awkward and desperate…if there’s no reply, move on!

Conversion Rates: If you’re an average guy, your conversion rate should be around 10%. For every 100 ladies you message, 50 of them should be replying and of those 50, at least 20% or 10 of them should want to meet you. Out of those 10 that want to meet you, you should be able to pick 1 strong candidate. And for every 100 women that view your profile, at least 10% of them should be messaging you. If your conversion rate is not at least 10%, something is definitely wrong with your profile because there’s something out there for everyone! Literally!

Good luck fishing, be careful of all the creeps and questionable characters online and stay away from Plenty of Fish…more like Plenty of Cat Fish, squids, and crayfish!

For more stories, please visit our blog: www.humoredin.com and subscribe

Let me preface by warning you against overestimating your after college salary. It's much smaller than your employer may lead you to believe and below, we show, with a real and simplified example, that it's extremely possible to live paycheck to paycheck on a $100K salary! But first, how about some supporting statistics: According to an April 16th 2015 article in the Washington Post, 33% of U.S families earning over $75K and 25% of U.S families earning over $100K salaries live paycheck to paycheck...which literally means that they are unable to pay their bills or meet all monthly financial obligations if just one paycheck was skipped! Exactly! No savings either!

This scenario is very real for a lot of people in corporate America today, myself included. While in college, you are led to believe that once you graduate and start your promising career, you will 'live happily ever after, the end!' Wrong to the highest degree! The situation is even worse for those of us who grew up in poor families and/or with families abroad depending heavily on us! Let's examine one such scenario:

It's decision time and you accept your first offer for $100k/year and you're bewildered and filled with tears of job because you 'started from the bottom and now, you're here' indeed...You're thinking: This is 10% of a million dollars! In 10 years, that's a million dollars! As reality sets in, your math quickly falls apart!

Annual Salary $100,000

You are forced to get a new car now since the one you've been pushing around for 4 or more years in college has told you: NO MORE!

Car Total Cost: $25,000

Since you are completely penniless after college and there's no advance on your first paycheck, you decide to go for the $0 down payment deal. After all, your salary will soon be 10% of a million dollars and you should have no problem making monthly payments. The loan is offered to you at 6% for 5 years, meaning you'll have a monthly payment of $483. Let's use $500 for the sake of simplicity.

Monthly Payment: $500
Running Monthly Total: $500

You are feeling great about your brand new car as you've certainly earned it after 4 years or so of intense work in college. But this new car requires full coverage insurance...unluckily for you, you are not 25 years old and you happen to reside in a 'no-fault state' so your monthly insurance is on the premium side.

Monthly Insurance: $200
Running Monthly Total: $700

Your new job also happens to be in a much bigger and more expensive city than your college town so of course you'll have to find a new place to live...a place fit for a young career-minded professional worth $100K. Since you do not know anyone in this new city and you're not really too eager to share your kingdom with anyone, you decide against a roommate which means that rent, utilities, cable and internet bills will all come at a premium.

Monthly Rent: $800
Cable and Internet: $50
Utilities: $100
Running Monthly Total: $1650

And yes, there's your smartphone with 60GB and unlimited calling and texting! I say 60GB because you've been on your family's plan throughout your college education and your parents have faithfully paid for the entire $300 plan...So now, you decide that it's your turn to repay their generosity and handle the family's cellphone bills onward because you are making big bucks now!

Monthly Cell Phone Bill: $300
Running Monthly Total: $1950

At this point, you're starting to sweat quite a bit because your monthly bills are creeping up to $2000 and you are yet to factor in food, fun and other miscellaneous expenses. But you are still feeling great because, well, you're worth $100K!

The first week of your new career swings by and you are feeling on top of the galaxy! You are happy with your new team and extremely certain that you've more than enough money to help your family and live the life you've always dreamed of....but then you open your mailbox and BAM, Fedloan (Fred) and his sister, Sallie Mae (Sallie), come knocking. You owe $10k to Sallie and $40k to Fred and they'd love for you to start paying up the following month...In fact, they insist or else, they'll start garnishing your wages. They both have every confidence in your financial ability so Sallie requires a minimum of $150/month while Fred demands $350/month.

Monthly Loan Payment: $500
Running Monthly Total: $2,450

Your bills are now at $2450/month already even before food and entertainment have been added. You are starting to freak quite a bit, again...A few simple calculations later and your confidence level is restored because, after all, $100k divided by 12 months is $8,300/month so you have more than enough money to cover your bills, loans and still live like royalty.

Oh wait! You're single with no dependents making $100k. Did you seriously think that Federal, State and local taxes forgot about you? Never! Please say goodbye to at least 30% of that $100k. You are now left with $70k in after-taxes which amounts to $5800/month. Once you subtract your $2450 monthly expenditures, you've got $3350 to spend as you wish...Not bad huh?

But of course there's still more deductions. You work for a Fortune 500 company that's offering you some of the best coverage and retirement plans on the planet. Top notch health insurance, a solid dental and vision plan along with desirable retirement savings...that's gonna run you another $600/month...or more if you choose to save more.

Running Monthly Total: $3,050

Finally, it's time to add food, entertainment, and miscellaneous allowances to the budget:

Food: $400/month
Entertainment: $300/month
Miscellaneous allowance: $500/month
Running Monthly Total: $4,250

And now you are left with $1,550/month

For those of us from poor families, we love nothing more than to support our parents and families with at least $600 every month to help with bills and other financial difficulties.

Family TLC: $600/month

Now you are left with $950

If you happen to be in a worthwhile relationship, that will cost another $500/month for dates, gifts and activities...leeches will cost you a lot more! If you want to avoid this cost, stay single! I kid. There are other creative ways to avoid this cost but I'll refrain from elaboration.

Cost of Relationship: $500/month

And now you're left with $450 for your savings account if you're lucky.

So from a salary of $100K, you are only able to save about $450 each month...And if you're earning less than $100k or with a lot more loans than $50K coupled with other financial difficulties, you can already see how depressing your salary quickly become! In some cases, your life can even be as financially miserable and crippling as it were in college! This can last for years for a lot of people. That is the truth that a lot people will not understand until they're living it. Those going through these struggles usually masks it with a smile because no one would ever believe that they're struggling with a salary of $100k. In the words of the immortal, Notorious B.I.G., "Mo money, mo problems!"

*Disclaimer: If my math is wrong, please don't call me out...and this really makes me extremely sad for those families who barely earning anything. They really suffer! For more short stories like this one, please check out our blog, [url]Humoredin.com[/url].

Disclaimer: This is definitely not a positive read especially if you’re an aspiring rapper. In fact, it will be discouraging and unfortunately for most aspiring rappers, I’ll most likely make more money from this one piece than most of them will with their entire rapping careers. So read at your own discretion. As a proponent of huge and impossible dreams, I tried desperately to be on your side but even with abundance of talent, heart and omish-like work habit, the numbers, saturation and monopolies are forever against you!

Everyday, at least 500 people around the world wake up and decide to become hip hop artists. Technological platforms such as YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, Sound Cloud, Jukebox, Mixtape Circuit, DatPiff, WorldStar and many others have made sharing their “work” even easier but unfortunately, have also allowed for flooding and saturation of the market. One talent beyond belief could easily and forever be buried under thousands of feces-like materials. For every hip hop fan, there are at least 3 hip hop artists. With a ratio of 1:3, defecate hits the fan extremely quickly. Does it really make any sense to force your way into a market with three times as much sellers as there are customers? No. It doesn’t. And if your aspirations as an artist are only for validation, fame and money, it might be best to invest your time and money elsewhere as you are in for the rudest awakening!

Now, knowing that it’ll take a lot more than a few paragraphs to dissuade you from embarking on your rap career, let’s continue. I’m sure you still believe you’ve got sick flows and mad lyrics that can stand the test of time and tantalize our ears to the point of seducing and having sexual relations with our wallets? Great! But before we take a look at few simple numbers that heavily disagree with you, let’s acknowledge that there are a few people who will defy all odds and find themselves at the very top…these people are outliers…statistically speaking! You may have been led to believe that your mad flow and lyrics, hard work, dedication and patience is enough to get you to the top. Lies! They won’t even get you too far away from minimum wage. Without deep pockets and credible sponsors, your chances of being an outlier are slimmer than an attempt at being an astronaut. Packaging and promotions alone would simply eat you alive long before you see a dollar in revenue!

For a quick and simple analysis, we’ll only examine the rap category and also focus on the US market. We kept the calculations as high level as possible to make it easy to understand and follow (we definitely won’t dive into record deal structures, royalties, reserves, loans, fees, and other miscellaneous financial obligations.) Keep in mind that this is meant to be a simple representation of reality based on 2014 numbers rather than a research dissertation. I will have to admit that we have no idea how many rappers are in the US as of 2014 so we used the WAG (Wild Ass Guess) method and conservatively picked 5000 as the number of rappers with at least 1 album (the real umber is definitely much higher.) Also note that our estimates are extremely on the optimistic side compared to other sources.

Here we go:

Estimated # of Rappers: 5K
Number of Rap Albums sold: 24.2M
Total Sales from Rap Albums Sold ($10/album avg): $240.2M
Estimated Total Sales from Concerts (~$5B for music tours; ~6% for rap): $300M
Profits from album sales (5% of sales TechDirt): $12M
Profits from concerts (20% of concert sales): $80.6M
Average Profit per rapper: $18.6K
Expected annual salary per rapper: $18.6K
Expected hourly wage: $9/hour

You will have to agree that a job at McDonald is sounding pretty good in comparison..Frankly, if you really want to make money in the music industry, your best bet is to work for the record company! You’d more than likely make more money as a janitor at a record company with an hourly wage than a rapper on contract! But wait, it gets even worse for our aspiring rappers! The Top 10 rappers earned about $300M in 2014 from tours and selling records (not including earnings from endorsements, merchandising, and other side hustles) which accounts for over 50% of all profits in the rap category. So if we take eliminate their earnings from the equation, the math gets even grimmer as the expected annual salary for a US rapper plunges even further from $18.6K to about $9.3K (~$5/hour.) You really should be considering that job at Mcdonalds…Pizza Hut is hiring as well! Please visit their websites to find nad apply at a location near you today!

But if you still wish to pursue a career as a rapper, I certainly admire your spirit and I’ll leave you with a few depressing advice: If you truly believe that you can be a top earner in the industry without significant financial investments and sponsorship, please be fully prepared for Mutombo style rejections in all phases of your career and life…physically, financially, mentally and otherwise….And I must add that you’ll need a lot of side gigs or even a few ‘real’ jobs just to stay alive which I’m sure you’re finding out by now! It’s quite alright to keep fighting if you choose to do so but do not overestimate your own prowess particularly with regard to wealth, sexual potency and influence over peers as most rappers often do. The same goes for the rest of Hip Hop and the music industry. But for what it’s worth, good luck and dream on. Eventually, a few outliers are bound to appear in the rap category…it could be you! Hmm, I guess we found a way to end this on a good note!

Source: http://humoredin.com/rapcareer/

My week in Sydney, Australia was simply the most memorable week I can recall. ..Maybe I’m being a bit biased since it’s quite recent but it was a week for the ages and I got a chance to spend it with an incredible host who I met in Guangzhou, China 6 weeks prior. I call her the Queen of Australia and the goddess of Oceania because she’s quite something to behold…an incredible human being!

She really set the highest standard possible for what every vacation week should be. I tried so much and did even more and said “wow” more than a thousand times. Every moment felt so natural and special and of course the foods were as delicious as they were diverse. Omelettes, meat pies, pizzas, even sweet potatoes and regular fries delivered such tantalizing flavors to my senses. And of course I can’t forget the people…The people in Sydney were extremely welcoming, friendly and adorable with hospitality and “tiny crowds.” I often joked about how cute and tiny the crowds were and how fast and seamless you could get things done even during the supposedly “crowded” Vivid events (there’s only about 4.5 million people in Sydney so the crowds were pretty small compared to other places I’ve visited, especially Shanghai, China.)

I did occasionally forget about the driving on the left side of the road and of course walking on the same side as well. Apparently, I crossed the streets extremely slowly. This trip truly expanded my horizon in every area imaginable and my passion for traveling has only been infused with more energy. There’s so much to do, so much to taste and so much to experience. God grant me the strength because I am forever an Explorer and I refuse to age with regrets of things and places I didn’t do and go! I do hope to see the Queen again. I certainly owe her one and I’ve made it clear to her that if she ever sets foot in North America, I’d be her host and I’ll do my best to return the favor. Please enjoy our summary video below and live vicariously through me!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0OPg0O-CBvo

His birth certificate states that he's just 19 years old!

We are hypocrites. We criticized the West for sexualization and indecency for years ways and then we over-emulate them. Today Nollywood and the Nigerian music industry are all about money, sex and butt-cheeks. The sexification of women is out of control and does not equate to forward-thinking!

But what many see as "sexual liberation" for Nigerian women is actually a clever, Generation Y-ass-kissing guise. Nollywood and the Nigerian Music Industry are capitalizing on the fact that SEX SELLS while spinning the "liberation" excuse to the public. They say it's about time women have the FREEDOM to show their sexuality, to portray sex on-screen, to show themselves in scantily clad outfits, and of course, pelvic thrust to songs where men surround them, ogling at their derrieres and cleavage.



There is good reason why Nollywood actresses and music video vixens assent to this excuse- because for them, it IS freedom. THEY ARE liberated. They can show their bodies, dance erotically, and talk brazenly on-screen, because they are women of POWER. They are in a position unique to just a minuscule percentage of the population. They have financial freedom, ample protection surrounding them, and are, for the most part, educated. What this new "revolution" in Nollywood and the Nigerian Music Industry has done for them is made it EASIER to be unabashed and unapologetic, a right EVERY woman should have.



But the reality is, 90% of the Nigerian female population will never reap the benefits of this "sexual revolution" that Nollywood and the Nigerian Music industry is trying to impose, without thought, on its country. In Nigeria, women are still marginalized and still considered tools for reproduction and objects of desire for the purposes of deriving pleasure from. Beyond that, women are largely not valued.

http://humoredin.com/nollywood/

Payback for the money they squeezed out of Nigeria?

What a backwards way of thinking as if the scarcity isn't negatively and heavily affecting Nigerians.

Your body is the "temple of God." As with every temple, you strive to keep it as clean as possible. Only God can truly judge if it's a sin or not since the bible wasn't too explicit.

I will say, however that your logic is a bit flawed because God also created the devil and by deduction, everything that followed.

As they say, there are two sides to every story and Nigeria is no exception. There’s the Nigeria I love with all my heart (the food, music, culture, etc) and then, there’s Nigeria I hate. The Nigeria that must be fought and eradicated at all cost. Allow me to elaborate.

Today, the giant of Africa is nothing more than a giant in numbers only as it has failed to lead or pave the way for Africa in any meaningful way. I am by no means inferring that Nigeria has not made any strides over the last few decades, however, we have failed to be truly exemplary and our image in Africa and abroad is rather negative! The most notable thing about Nigeria are the Super Eagles and oil production. With human capital, Nigeria is unable to attract foreign talents and struggles tremendously to even keep Nigerian talents at home. It’s simply saddening at the amount of talent we lose to the West due to lack of infrastructure, development and due process opportunities. While the Western countries enjoys the benefits of some of Nigeria’s brightest minds, Nigeria plunges deeper into corruption and desolation but I still believe that there is still hope for Nigeria.

Over years upon years of compounded atrocious and unforgivable governance, our politicians, on all levels of government, has turned the country into a monopoly that has given rise and a voice to unhealthy and deadly oppositions as the likes of Boko Haram. Boko Haram, under religious pretense, rose to prominence completely unchecked and wrecked havoc on the northern parts of Nigeria. I will credit the government for doing a lot more lately to stiffen this poisonous organization, however, too many lives and livelihoods were unnecessarily lost due to political games and the near zero value our leaders place on the lives of the people. I do understand that there are several factors at play here but given the lack of jobs, affordable and promising education and opportunities, violence becomes very attractive to the Nigerian youth.

I vividly recall growing up in Nigeria where the United States was the equivalent of paradise. It was believed that once you make it to the United States, riches beyond your wildest dreams would be at your fingertips. What we discovered upon arrival was far from the truth. The struggles were as intense in the United States as they were in Nigeria…at least for us within the first few years. The biggest difference, however, was that a good fight was more often than not rewarded in the United States, whereas in Nigeria, if you do not have the proper connections (connections to people privileged people in power and high places), you are most likely doomed and your fight is in vain barring a miracle. Corruption is so rampant in Nigeria that it’s practically a way of life…Bribery is more so a “tip” rather than an illegal exchange of gifts for favors. Failure to participate will see you to a miserable end…not necessarily death but still…you could try seeking refuge from the law or the authorities who, by the way, are in collusion with those you seek refuge from. Simply, cash is king in Nigera. Without money, it is nearly impossible to do anything. Even those you call family will not hesitate to betray you for the right amount. And yes, we still have many in Nigeria that are upright and more than determined to elevate our country. Because of them, there is yet hope for the giant of Africa.

As I’ve said many times, the same old men have been in power since our independence and have refused to step down and allow the younger generation with better and more globalized ideas to move the country forward. They switch from one political party to another while, at the same time, forming new ones as if that makes any difference. They keep telling us that we are the future of Africa! Well, we say THE FUTURE IS NOW!

This piece was taken from our blog, [url]HumoredIn.com[/url].

Today I observed a grown professional try so desperately to diffuse an itch on his buttocks during a company round table meeting.

His facial expressions told the story like no other…they depicted a man who was prepared to ignore all sense of morality, unzip his pants and slide his claws down his backside to ease himself. Unfortunately, hierarchical proceedings would not allow it. The round table had some very important people sitting around it…even a justified dash to the bathroom would be viewed as shocking and unbelievable and could lead to some dire consequences.

I must say, however, that he was extremely determined but lacked a bit on the creative side and you’ll soon see why. To further complicate his already embarrassing situation, I made sure to keep my gaze on him and let him know that I was indeed ‘private eyes.’ And as you know, “private eyes, they’re watching you…they see your every move…” and they know exactly what you’re attempting. My starring made him very uncomfortable as if I was watching him defecate. I apologize for the toilet humor but his itch and effort was worth mentioning.

Now, let’s try and examine step by step how our brave itch soldier tried to defeat his enemy:

First he tried a circular dance… He accomplished this by holding on to the seat handles as firmly as he could while rubbing his buttocks counterclockwise as furiously as possible across the surface of the seat also as quietly and as secretively as he could. He noticed I was still watching him so he decided against that method after 2 or 3 intense circulations. His itch persisted.

Secondly, he tried bouncing ever so slowly up and down the seat to create friction between the itch and surface of the seat. That also seemed to fail as it simply looked as if his butt cheeks were having an intense back and forth vibration exchange with the seat.

Next, he tried something that would work best if he needed to scratch his frontal region rather than his back side. He took off his jacket, draped it over his lap and somehow tried to maneuver his left hand through the jacket and towards his rear end…That was even more obvious and more so awkward than his previous 2 attempts so he quickly dismissed it.

His only saving grace was the fact that the meeting was happening after lunch and everyone was extremely sleepy from the effects of food comma and paid little attention to him…Even I was so sleepy that I started begging Jesus to take the wheels of my eyelids and keep them open. I dozed off at least 3 times but woke up…just in time to observe our itch lord struggle with his itchy plague.

After about 20 minutes or so of itch-hell, his facial expressions made it clear that he’s had enough. He immediately stood up as if to ponder over the discussion topic at hand and then walked to one corner of the room. He then leaned against the wall with his palms position behind him facing his buttocks… In one smooth and swift motion, he took several quick bites of his buttocks with his claws while trying not to look too obvious…as he released his grip, you could see signs of victorious relief across his face. He has indeed done it.

But then he glanced at me and knew instantly that I’ve been watching him the entire time and I will not hesitate to tell his story from my perspective… It was indeed the itch Worth mentioning.

Please check out my blog [url]HumoredIn.com[/url] to read more stories such as this one and do subscribe to keep us going! Thanks.

Too much African misogynistic mentality on this thread!

The post made no mention that the "woman" was at fault with the disagreements.

The man is just being childish. I see African men do this too often and it's quite foolish. Evolve and learn to communicate. Even if she's at fault and requires "correction" silence is obviously not the solution.

I hear people screaming for her to "change what she's doing" or "stop whatever she's doing to piss him off." How about he stops being extremely childish and honor his marriage vows.


Happy New Year!

With both eyes open and a slight sense of wonder and desire.

I'm sure that was the intended purpose!