₦airaland Forum

Clear your surroundings

armyofone:
sweetie how are you, that your July 4 food looked very appetizing.
I slept real good...no cook out just me and remote/Roku/Netflix.
Sheniqua don take break?

I'm fine thanks.
I wish I did netflix on that day. Having guests is not fun sometimes .

She said it's a permanent break. I hope she changes her mind.

KingTom:
May a spear be driven into my anus and come out of my mouth if I treat my wife with disdain because of one runs girl, may my testicles be bathed with hot dry danjarawa pepper if I try it, may lakaye use my blood to bathe if I try am. Nonsense!!!!!!!

Easy bro. Those images are disturbing

We know you won't do such. And your determination will help you stick to it.

markidoo:
I dnt do sec sch girls moreova shez a Hnd holder. Even my elder bro dat has a job,earns gud salary n is 31yrs dare nt bring home his gf home

If he's still living with them, that's explains it too.

Your parents don't want a grandchild when you're yet to get a job. How will you take care of your child?
Get a job, be a man of your own you will see them urging you to get a girl.

Yea it was written in the west because they face their problems head on instead of blaming Nigerians. We on the other hand will keep naming the west until our problems swallow us.
It is never our fault:

Again The terms are new, the concept is not new.

Stop wasting your energy.
I've agreed with you.

5minsmadness:
you are dancing round the point.
the terms "Babymama" and "Sidechick" are not old english words, they just popped up very very recently. So saying I am using the terms cos they are english words...you are the one that deserves the Facepalm.

Anyway read the article I posted up there. Its quite interesting if i do say so myself. and it was written in the "West"! So you see, I dont castigate them for everything, they do right sometimes too

And the west is to blame.

*Not the culture of a man being entitled to more than one woman.
*Not the mindset that being married is the highest achievement a woman can attain which therefore leads to her being adviced to turn a blind eye to the side chick which in turn promotes the phenomena.


I've agreed. the west is to blame.
Why are you trying to convince me some more?

5minsmadness:

The Rise of the Side Chick

Being a side chick used to be so taboo not too long ago. Most women who fell into the side chick category knew they were the side chick but most never truly accepted that role. Most side chick women back in the day held out hope that their man would leave his girl or his wife & start a true meaningful relationship with her. Even these women who were the side chicks, most of them probably never really came out and admitted to the public or to anyone for that matter that they were side chicks to a man. It was embarrassing & shameful to think that a woman would be so desperate that she had to share a man. Now the tables are turning.

Thanks to reality tv shows like Love & Hip Hop, being a side chick is no longer embarrassing…it’s almost like a badge of honor. It may not be 100% totally acceptable even by the side chick, but it’s no longer a place where women whom are side chicks just quietly parlay in the shadows. Side chicks are coming out & letting the world know that they are side chicks AND they are proud of it AND the wifey in most cases know they exist & feel a real sense of threat from them. There is no real shame in the game anymore. The objective for most side chicks is to get what they can get from the man in exchange for giving up their goodies. Most would like for the man to leave his wife, but a lot would be happy with just settling for playing second string because they can fulfill certain aspects of the wifey role and get treated (sometimes better) just as well as the wifey but they don’t have to carry the official title of being the wife. Thanks to our culture of music and television, this thought process is constantly being promoted & becoming more accepting.
OnyxTruth-2014 The Year of the Side ChicK



For your unbiased reading@cococandy.

5minsmadness:
I wonder what my costume will look like; anywho,it must have a cape
And your habit of defending them without first digesting what the post was about is annoying as well. Na your native country? Why you dey vex? Dem go deport you if you disagree with them?

Cococandy where did the term "Babymama" and "side-chic" originate from?
Not the concept o, the term itself?

What you term defense is actually not defense.
Defending them from what?
Else I'd be saying all western people are good godly people who don't sin and are at worst being influenced by others.

Telling you to take responsibility for your actions is not defending the west. I know I must agree with you for me to be not defending them.

If you speak English yes the words you use to describe those terms will be the same western words because you speak the same language as them. You really need to be told this too? #facepalm.

But is the concept new?
No.

We have Igbo words for babymama and they are not new words. They were in existence before the west came and 'spoiled' us.

5minsmadness:
I dont know who you are agreeing with cos thats not what I said.
This was the only phrase in which i mentioned the West.
All I was saying is that there are certain western influences that are detrimental to our society; not to put the whole blame of adultery on the west.
But as usual you came in, saw me mention "West" and as thier sole defender,nairaland's own Captain America, you went into hyperdrive.

Wether you like it or not Western influence has a way of affecting our culture especially when it comes to morality. It may not be totally responsible but it definitely plays a part.

Captain blame the west.

It's a habit of yours. And it's annoying.
Talk about any little thing and your first repsonse would be to blame the west. Let me even ask you which west are you blaming? All the countries in the Western Hemisphere of the world?

I only have a problem with you for you constant habit of denying responsibility all the time and finding a way to make it about this ominous western place that no one even knows the location of.

They don't blame us for the wrong things in their society. We are not sheep so we should take responsibility for our own too.

pickabeau1:
The topic is infidelity of single ladies and married men...right?

yes.

pickabeau1:
still the same sarcasm... I hear you

If you have an opinion, you might as well state it.

His is that the west is to blame.
Mine is that it is BS.

What's yours?
Is today going to be another 'blame the west fest'

My point from the beginning is that westernization is not to blame for married people cheating as he put it.

Of course you say in the old days the man would marry the girl.
Yes that's so much better. Bring the adultery and the disrespect home.
I'm not even arguing to start with much less constructively. Someone says the west is responsible for men cheating on their wives and I say it's bullshit. We are not arguing.

But to avoid long meaningless talk
I've bowed to pressure agreed with him.

It's the west and the girls that are to blame.
The married men have no fault in it.

What else do you want me to say?

pickabeau1:
Nope


Your post has no correlation to my post

Westernisation definitely has some side effects as you know

Rather than using bravado and sarcasm to make your points..argue constructively

His point was clear

Being proud as a Baby mama is not an African thing
Development and modernisation

Same with the gay thing

If you are offended by the ease of assimilation of western values that is a separate thing

That can also be discussed but dismissing the whole thing is not the way

troy20:
am not saying we shouldnt accept certain responsibilities.just that...maybe try accomodate the influence of stronger powers.shey u know united states greatest export na dia culture.

they are not responsible for married men cheating on their wives.
That's just silly

See as the man's lifestyle killed his innocent kid.
45 arrests?

Smh

RIP poor boy

troy20:
thats what am talking about try to be broadminded and you'll be surprised how much truth you find.

Broad minded means accepting we are not responsible for our behaviors but the west is?

My mind is broad now like Broadway.

pickabeau1:
cococandy

The day you agree the West has issues... that will be the day

I could write a whole thesis on the issues the west has. Are we talking about Germany, France, UK, US, Australia, Canada or which west?

The day we would focus on our issues and not blame the west for it, that will be the day.

It's irritating to say the least.
Yay we don't have minds of our own. The west tell us what to do and how to behave every step of the way. Why does that not offend you?

Oh well let's agree the west is to blame.

babygirlfl:
You are right however the fact that the side chic is not entirely blameless* means that they share in the blame however little. The man obviously has the biggest part of the blame and is the person that can most effectively put a stop the cheating. People sometimes needs a form of punishment to deter them from doing something. Sincerely, I don't know the best way to punish side chicks as we all know the wife beating and fighting the side chic is a waste of time I do know that they deserve to be purnished for causing another so much pain. More emphasis should be put on the man for this menace to stop.

* as far she is aware the man is married

Just like you said, a society frowning at something might discourage some people from doing it. The ex governor did it shamelessly because the society doesn't frown at it.

I'd think the bold was implied in my post. Seems I had to spell it out.

@ the rest of the post, the reason why I too can't think of a good way to punish side chicks is because they don't have much to lose in such a situation. How do you punish that kind of person?

The person who's married has more to lose.
And the married person has more power to prevent the situation from getting deep to start with.

If things go south, the single person walks and leaves the married one with the mess,heartbroken kids,wives and husbands to deal with.

Even if one can think of a good punishment for them, it won't solve the situation. The most effective solution is for married people to take their vows more seriously.

Thanks for agreeing with me @bold.
Humans are basically the same everywhere.
So where the laws are strong, people behave better. Or hide their misbehavior better. Hence my stand that they are more prone to respect their women.

I'd be quite naive to say people there don't cheat but you come on a public forum and say they are to blame for others cheating in other parts of the world? Really?

I don't have any shares in any western nation but I find it annoying that some of you manage to make soup that goes sour in your house the fault of the 'west'

Seriously accept your faults and move on.
@last bolded, you don't even know what you're saying. Are all men Polygamous or are the western men corrupting you innocent ones.
You even agree something holds them back.
Pls decide what you're saying.

But for now married men cheating is their fault and not the fault of the so called west and the girls.

5minsmadness:
Where was the term "side chic" coined from?
Who glamourised the term "Baby mama"? And made it such a thing of pride that our ladies started making headlines with it?
Are those African terms?

Sure we have always had mistresses and the philandering husband and secret wives but we didn't glamourise it. It was a thing of shame actually. Unfaithfulness occurs everywhere, even in your precious west. In fact it became so rampant in the West that laws had to be enacted to discourage such behaviour. Hence your "respectful" western men who are only respectful because they fear the law courts. It doesn't stop cheating though as evidenced by the TV series of "cheaters" I watch daily and the level of divorces still at an all time high in the US.

I know this might come as a rude shock to you but the US is a festering cesspool of unfaithful men and women. I know, I know, have a hankie



As per your example of men going after the girls sure that happens. But for you to deny that girls also go out of thier way to chase married men shows you being biased (as usual, nothing new here), or you must have gotten married really young and had innocent friends as well. There are frequent reports in my office of single girls throwing themselves kamikaze-like at married men whether or not they wear rings and it's really tasking and laborious trying to discourage them or push them away. These girls know the said target is married but are undeterred, in fact some have admitted it's a kind of turn-on for them as they view married men as more "responsible" and "matured".

All men have the tendency to be polygamous of they can get away with it, even your precious white men in the West. It's just the courts like you said that holds them back.

BABE3:
which kind check? Chei coco... Upon all the checks and balance you'd think western men will be less shiesty. But surprise, surprise, Infidelity is still a leading cause of divorce in the west. If Infidelity is a leading cause of divorce, imagine the number of western wives that are still living with cheating husbands coz of the emotional stress of divorce....

Humans are the same everywhere. Yes there are laws here in the west compared to Africa but that's all on the surface. No difference between a modern african marriage and a western marriage; the bullshìt is just packaged differently.

The number of cheating men hasn't reduced because of those laws , btw. I can even argue that it has increased.
I've lived in the west for a while, I've never seen where a western wife divorced her husband coz he cheated once. The men usually get a pass; the women proceed to divorce if the man is unrepentant, or if he's rich, or if there are other issues apart from cheating.

Bottom line is, it's not all black and white. We (westerners and Africans) have more similarities than differences.

@bold, that happens huh? Summarizes my point.
Wil she be blamed for it or will the man have the audacity to beat her up for complaining too?


Anyway we are going to another topic. Like who cheats more or stuff like that which needs extensive research to prove beyond reasonable doubt.

My post was in response to 5mins post that western influence is the reason why Nigerians cheat on their wives. Seriously

I'm surprised nobody saw anything wrong with that but when I said in the west men are more prone to respect their wives (which is true) the thread wants to come to a halt?

Let the earth open up and swallow the west so that some people will accept not everything bad comes from there.

Ok no problem. I agree. It's not the African men's fault. The west and the women are responsible for their behavior.

mredwifeosband:
lie lie

it's true.

That's how you doubted me the first time I told you. Ok forget it sha.

mredwifeosband:
ya friend no get name


make i hook you guys up

We are still in touch.
She's my namesake too. (Native name)

BABE3:
I don tire for that kind argument. Everybody is confused in this family section. Even me sef don confuse



You mean western men don't cheat on their wives? What planet that west dey, abeg? I'm tired of these cheating fùckboys.

Of course people cheat everywhere in the world.

See question o .

But by default (law) you can do something about it if you want to. At least that keeps some of them in check.

Imagine a state governor PUBLICLY keeping a mistress and beating his wife for questioning him.
You know the difference.
No fear of consequences.

freecocoa:
Thank You, I don't talk about the single ladies because I can't tell a person how to be moral. What you consider immoral might be moral to someone else.

The only reason why the married man is being blamed, is because he took the vows.

Well I don't know how others see things but if I cheat on my husband, the fault is all on me in my opinion. No blaming the society or the guy who got the permission from me to come between us.

mredwifeosband:

there was a day you posted my friend's picture . I told you ba? I know you didn't believe me.

mredwifeosband:
Take this peck for your sensible post muaaaahhh

if these people catch with their pictures ehn