₦airaland Forum

Africaine: See I don't understand what is happening anymore,the story is same in 75percent of homes,the woman is the breadwinner while the men give variety of excuses.

I have been married for 8years and i have single handedly taken care of all the bills for 6years,my husband is 11 year older than me,He has an excuses for everything under sun,why he cant move forward and the latest one he tells me now is"I'm working on something,when it clicks i will let you know"just imagine.

When we met,he was working in the bank,he gave a customer loan,the loan went bad,he was suspended and asked to go recover the loan,he was home for 1year after which he was fired,yet he decides against better judgment to go work for the client he gave loan initially. the most annoying part is that you claim to be working for someone and you cant even boast 10k in your pocket at the end of the month,yet you have 3kids in school.

He comes home everyday and eats his food,he doesn't ask me how am managing,the kids school fees is paid ,he doesnt even ask,not to talk of other things.

Everyday I regret my decision,I am from a broken home,I am trying to end the cycle but its so hard. I am lucky I have a good job,thank fully am not in debt but it really frustrating hustling the way i do and seeing a grown ass man give excuses.
first he said his lack of having a car was stopping him from going out,I bought him a car,nothing has changed,i even offered to pay for his masters abroad,yet he doesn't want to do it,the thing tire me walahi.

I have prayed and fasted,but men...it seems God is upset with me because there has been no improvements oh...i have called his close friends to talk to him,but still same,i went to his family,his parents said i am a bad woman that i am complaining now,because he doesnt money. inshort am just tired.

Right now,i just to kick him out,he is of no use to me...am just holding and praying for divine intervention right now.

Oahray: if you don't want silly arguments, don't make silly and uniformed statements. There might be someone around to call you out on it.
You're welcome.

Oahray: I wonder why people go on and on about universal bad traits and tag it 'Nigerian men'. Does that mean that from other continents do not neglect their kids or abuse their wives/kids too?

Someone (I think Cococandy) even tagged patriarchy as the cause of the cases of irresponsible fathers on a societal level. Tell me, are there fewer baby mamas and single parent families in the US or Sweden than in Nigeria?

The main culprit behind a man's irresponsibility is himself, but he is by no means the only one. They say charity begins at home. How many parents teach the children to be responsible? Since Nigerian mothers perform their parental roles perfectly (unlike Nigerian fathers) as you guys are trying to insinuate, why do their sons grow up to be irresponsible fathers? The mistresses men keep, are they free from a share of the blame?

At times I see some comments and wonder if it's just deep-seated bias or plain ignorance.

pickabeau1: Exactly what was in my head
he wants her as his long term mistress... not just transactional sex

thats y i asked her if she can be a mistress

That is the car and house he will be staying when he is here

he will impreganate her in due time

pickabeau1: How can one be single with a boyfriend..whats the term for someone courting these days..

engaged/its complicated/etc etc

let me call the family crew for this matter.. let me go to the mat

cococandy,alutacontinua -ta,MizMyColi,

pickabeau1: Deadbeat dads are not limited to country or race. Im sure you know of popular sports stars in the US whose fathers just appear when the child has made it

pickabeau1: Can i ask what do you mean by unbridled patriarchy and is that is the reason men have concubines?

What do you mean when you say married people should have the same standards

Sophyrocks: The society itself encourages irresponsibility in men. So since we have many irresponsible men, then expect many irresponsible fathers. Many men believe in popping out babies but not in caring for them. We are begining to have a lot of sperm donors instead of fathers. A society that believes men are free to cheat, sleep around and have many wives, what do you expect will come out of such a society? Humans will continue to abuse privileges which is why the 'Man must cheat' mantra is everywhere, widely believed and defended like lives depend on it. Married men cheating on their wives like its a virus, expecting that the marriage will remain the same. MISTRESSES NOW BECOME DICTATORS IN THE HOME. Our moral values are low even though we like to pretend its the opposite and compare ourselves with the west. You can imagine married men spending millions on runs babes, building mansions and funding international trips for them, such privileges their family lack. And they will come out and boast of being Heads of their family. and what advice is given to the wives? to bear it all and take over his position to provide for their kids thence encouraging the circle of irresponsibility. Ridiculous!! No wonder the shout for submission from women is very loud.

There is so much emphasis on the training of the girl child to be good wives but nothing is usually said of training boys to be good husbands and fathers. That is why we are in this mess. What is the point of concentrating so much on raising good wives who will be good mothers if we are having more and more irresponsible men becoming irresponsible fathers? are we saying good wives dnt deserve good husbands? Are we saying children do not deserve good fathers?? this belief of men being free to do whatever they want is causing more dysfunctional homes. As you can see, many young men have irresponsible fathers as evident in the comments in this thread. Before you know it, it becomes a circle. some will learn not to repeat the mistakes of their fathers while others will follow their examples. Now they wonder why youths of now have low morals. Irresponsible men with bad lifestyles become bad examples to their kids. And it goes on like a circle. Poor training of men+low morals+bad parenting〓more and more dysfunctional children and homes.

Married men should learn to stick to their wives. Having children comes with responsibility. Being the head isnt about beating your chest and shouting submission submission submission. Its about responsibilities!! all parents should endeavor to train their boy child with diligence. Fathers should try to be role models to their sons so that this circle of irresponsibility passed from generation to generation can be stopped. Its shameful please.

bigbumper: "Good for you"
"I told you so"
"Karma is a b'itch"
"The cane they used to beat the first wife" etc

These are all English sayings majorly coined by English people the owner of English language, why is it getting you uptight cos I am using them Shuo

By the way, like I always repeat ad nauseum, this forum is for dissenting opinions, meaning that there would always be varied diverse opinion, not for sheeps with follow follow mentality, so therefore everyone is free to maintain any lane that suits their line of thinking biko.

Is it by force that I have to hold Clara's hands and help her blow her nose even though she knowingly walked into an abusive relationship with her with two legs Why are you so rigid in your thinking





Again, you do you, whilst you leave me to do me. You like to admonish after, I like to admonish before, do whatever floats your own boat. I don't owe you any explanation...nevertheless I saw this write up from Clara on the front page attempting to paint herself as a saint whom butter wouldn't melt in her mouth and decided to e-pull her up by the bootstraps, so what gives...



Nah, this shows its only the aproko side of things y'all like to follow and whilst others like us meaningfully combine our aproko-ism on them with their politically engagements.

oyb: the issue here is that Chime's behaviour is common knowledge in enugu. this is not some starry eyed babe in the woods marrying some nice guy for love. this is a gold digger marrying a notorious womanizing bully with full knowledge of exactly what she was getting into.

runs girls are not naive.

bigbumper: Unless you are suffering from some form of locked-in syndrome...even someone with the attention of a gnat can see cars parked infront of their dorms and the shenanigans going on...even if you just glanced in that direction for a nanosecond.





In the same vein, what would make you simply take "my word on the internet for it" that I know her?

2sExy1: Edo(Benin) + IGBO = ME

bigbumper: What is good for the gander is good for the gander, so why try to gag me from admonishing her and other potentials in her shoes to stop crying wolf/crying after the milk has been split

she's married and left the union. What's your 'admonishment' for again? That's the point you have not made. Does the 'probability' that she was a runs girl reduce the significance of the abuse she suffered?
Do some women deserve to be abused?you can only admonish someone who's about to make that mistake so that they refrain.
Or if they are in the union,you could advice them to leave or say 'she deserves it'(like you're saying) but when the person has left the union,what's are u admonishing again?
Or u saying she should have stayed to take it because that's what she's worth?







How is it my fault if you are not conversant with what is going on around you politically?

Governor Chime was the Special Adviser to the Governor of Enugu state in the 90's.

Governor Chime was the Attorney General and Commisioner of Justice of Enugu State in 2001.

Governor Chime became Governor of Enugu State in 2007

Governor Chime married Clara age 28 in 2008
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and despite all his 'popularity' only this breakup with clara managed to draw this much attention? Shows you not everyone knows him like you think.
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***yawning***

somebody wake me up when I am done spoonfeeding cococandy...

amusing

shoefreak: Hi... abeg ooo. no mind my newest story ooo. I was bored ni oo... naijababe, cover your eyes, i'm not there oo. ehn ehn... the story kuku came with a warning sha.


I'm rocking my new short hair now ooo. Chaai...it feels so weird but I can still rock it.

Between... please make una check my siggy ooo. I sequin anything... anything at all with any kind of gem stone. the gown I av on, @my profile picture...its all sequined. and its not that expensive and I can also design gowns and jackets for you.


**Runs out before royal roy go come knock
my head**
And kendraloops... sometimes a nice long rest helps. the Lord is your strength.

Y'all have a super duper day oooo!! **kisses**

bigbumper: Again, if you have a course mate or dorm mate you don't know at all, heck you don't even know her name, but you know is in the habit of getting into different potbellied men's cars parked in front of the hostel, and your church mind concludes she is going for night vigil in Church, goodluck to you and your assumptions/opinion, its a free world

bigbumper: Ha, I see you have a hard time grasping how to connect the dot too


Governor Chime's behaviour towards his first wife was not a secret. Clara knew what she was walking into as second wife... Just like Dino Melaye whose second wife just walked despite knowing how Dino treated/abused the first wife... Case in point, see your quote below





So If you want to be expressing this sympathy to second wives, feel free to do your thing and leave me be to pitch my own tent with the first wives club.

bigbumper: I will call a spade a freaking damn spade.

***flicks hair*** How many of the runs girl in your university whom various potbellied old men comes to pick up directly in front of the halls of residence in full glare of the whole uni do you "personally" know

aisha2: My dear, what runs girl will abandon a "gold mine" because she was badly treated? Dont women endure worse and stay quite for the money?

Common sense should tell us that a girl willing to leave such luxury and benefits and not stay put and "manage" has some standards.

A runs girl will die there and even be the one organizing babes for him as long as the money keeps rolling.

What Benefit is it for Clara raising dust and leaving him? Her life is on social media, Her son is taken from her, she has to start her life all over. She would have benefitted more staying put and keeping shut.

She DIDNT, immediately she noticed the issues she shouted out and tried to leave several time, what runs girl does that? A runs girl actually expects that and stays grins, smiles for the camera and bares it.

bigbumper: What is it with the vitrioilic comment What are you getting salty for

Like someone opined earlier, she is no role model for your girl power campaign. End of.





Lack of believe in a thing does not make it unreal.

oyb: http://www.imostateblog.com/2012/03/18/what-you-may-not-know-about-some-governors-wives/




this is from before all the gragra with chime started

going by this, she married him when she was 28

the guy is 55 now - which makes him 49 when he married her in 2008

note that the link was hyping her. it said nothing about a master's degree. didn't even say anything about ptdf

more to the point

http://therainbow.com.ng/tabloid/presidency-gives-nafdac-job-to-clara-chime-estranged-wife-of-gov-chime/

would you say she earned that job? so who is to say she earned the ptdf job?

maybe its a smear job from chime, i don't really think so

chime's reputation as a dog has been in the press for far too long for her not to have known exactly what she was walking into

in this naija, imho, when you see some rich dude marrying a chick young enough to be his daughter, it simply means he's been erm totowhipped by his runschick

just sayin'

2sExy1: where I grew up, women don't enforce, it's more like a mutual responsibility. If the man isn't around, women don't complain. They pound it and do it very well ALONE.

It depends on culture.

onirugbon1: No prob. Most men are nolonger traditionalists. If I dont eat poundo yam in 2 yrs Im still fine.

onirugbon1: Oh ok. Didn't know about that.
I guess you got it figured all out already incase your own hubby just up and demands poundo yam for dinner, seeing you havnt pounded before.

onirugbon1: Food processor to pound yam?
Where are they going to house it?

onirugbon1: It is too much stress. The man should do it while the woman directs him. Except ofcourse the woman is used to it.

Sloan: Selective happiness: so you are happy the truth prevailed over power, giving this woman a choice but by the same token you and your people insist that Nigerians be yoked to this worse-than-Chime PDP and Jonabomb?? Chime only abused 1 woman, PDP and Jonadumb have organized and supervised the death of almost 20,000 in 5 years! But you are not crying because they are mostly from the north and middle belt!

If this was PSquare and Lola Omotayo, I bet you would be singing a different tunes, heaping all the blames on Lola right? Some of you have a contract with a cursed way of thinking and that is why you will always remain in bondage. To be clear, I am referring to ALL of YOU in that neck of the woods...and I don't have to be more explicit!

bennyrazz: @gillz i thank God that NLnders are trying to figure out how you can solve your problem challenges. Pickabeau1, Aisha2, cococandy and a host of others are really great counselors. When family members start living with couples especially young couple, there is always a problem. You dated for 11years whooaa. The thing is, you have to send her sisters packing. That is the root of your challenges. As far as I am concerned, nothing is wrong with your wife. Seriously when you were sponsoring her to school, did her mum oppose? now her mum was opposed to your marriage up till the very last minute which shows you how people can be very selfish. Nothing is wrong with your wife but her sisters. Send them parking fast fast

eighTHREAD: am glad an advocate of divorce knows this. She knew how troublesome he was which made his first wife leave him, yet she married him which I think was because of his societal status, disregarding the good but not rich men coming her way. Feminists will pick her case of abuse and start spreading hate without considering how far she went before gtting to the present point. They won't know she subjected herself to it. More ladies(blind ones) coming for the man.

eighTHREAD: pls, what kind of liberty are you talking about? Is it the type that has her do things without her husband's consent? Maybe she can be free to commit adultery which is a form of liberty too. Abeg explain your liberty