₦airaland Forum

Joyfulgal:
Cococandy, with water or oven?

Water . I boiled it

aeion:
Put mayo, parmesan cheese, then chill pepper flakes. https://pic.funnygifsbox.com/uploads/2018/10/funnygifsbox.com-2018-10-19-10-33-41-56.gif

will do

Edited. Oh it’s actually very delicious. Thank you

The pepper flakes elevates the flavor

You’re using each other

Literally quoted you. No added word.

Sorry it highlights the contraindications in your own posts.

bukatyne:
Please DO NOT twist my posts or lift them out of context to prove a point next time.

You are for sexual liberation which is fine. I have stated my position severally on this thread;

1. Men and women should be sexually chaste. This negates sexual liberation for both parties AND the view point that 'sex is just a physiological' need.

2. Women should take EXTRA precautions because they bear the brunt of sexual encounters gone awry pregnant wise. Some people suggested women study their bodies, others said no condom, no sex etc.

pocohantas:
E weak me. Eye and brain come dey turn me sef.

many of us always believe there has to be two sides to every issue on NL. We versus Us.

Meanwhile this is a topic where that’s unnecessary.

Sexyjigga:
You know what it is

Alexa please play me How do I say by Usher

Your post reminded me I have corn that I forgot in the fridge.

I’m going to cook it now and eat it with some butter and maybe Parmesan cheese.

pocohantas:
I don’t understand how everyone is saying same thing and somehow not agreeing.

Like this right?

BUKATYNE

instead of them to insist the men buckle up and be sexually responsible and/chaste (which means the women also don't get to sleep about aka exercise their sexual liberation), it is to complain how the world is unfair and labeling women with a colourful sexual past

please isn’t this part of what others have been insisting on and you have been arguing against? Because women are affected most therefore the responsibility should be theirs?
Insisting on men buckling up and being sexually responsible is part of the prevention folks were talking about.

sassysure:
Nope, it's not.
Here that I live, if you get belle, you are covered. It's like insurance.
And the two of u will take responsibilities.

But in naija, babe run for your life o

With both sides taking full responsibility, it still doesn’t reduce the fact that the woman will bear more of the physical brunt of it (at least the pregnancy and nursing part of it).

But guess what? That doesn’t remove ANYTHING from the argument of teaching and holding men to prevention standards. Which is why I don’t get need for a debate. There should be zero debate on this topic

liberalchick:
You would think but people with power capitalize on the fact that, people are more likely to believe a star is innocent. We don’t want to sully the image we have built in our heads of our heroes. Also in a country where law and order is virtually non-existent, they have the money and access to destroy the alleged victims

Yea, they feel pretty invincible to do anything.

Meanwhile here’s the new update

Ariza:
If this is the case then why is no one really investigating on the cause and get to the Root of this. You know I so find Most Nigerians very shallow and hypocritical. If married woman engage in abortion more then how such women can condemn same act in others beats my imagination. Selective morality at work again isn't it?. Are they not endangering their lives too? Aren't they commiting murder too? Aren't they supposed to take responsibility of their sexual lives, calculate their flows, "get educated about their system" to avoid pregnancy like I'm read some ladies instruct on this thread. Lol But then Na single ladies enter trouble for 9ja.

That's not even where I'm going, My issue is why aren't women seeing the need to involve men in birth control. Why do they exclude men or Male child from sex education and taking responsibility? Why are Men not taught how to keep their bodies too?


Now this isn't feminism or equality reasoning it's just how any sane individual will reason

So far with all the morals and fear we all try to instill in the female child look at where it got us. When a society makes a specific gender the moral keeper and allow the other to live freely, then it is only a matter of time before morality is destroyed. It is either the free one corrupt the morally trained one or the latter lose strength or willingness to keep up. We create a fence and also create erosion in the same society and we expect flood free environment. We be jokers ! Bunch of jokers! .

Men should be held responsible for pregnancy just as women. It takes two to tangle, ovary and sperm to for embryo. You can't blame just one gender because she's the carrier. Then sex education and abstainance should be inculcated in both genders.

Feminism/equality reasoning is the only way sane folks reason

bukatyne:
You have not answered my question to her:

Do you know any moral code that supports sex before marriage?

And I agree, there is nothing wrong about sex.

Like other things, it has its use: For pro-creation and intimacy in marriage.

My answer implies that there’s no moral code which includes sex before or after anything.

The Sex act itself has nothing to do with morality (the concept of good versus bad, light versus darkness, etc.)

Hence if we are having various categories of morality and different types of moral codes, sex won’t necessarily be included in any of them. Whether before or after marriage.

If we are talking about hurting your loved one by sneaking behind their back, then it’s a different issue .

Hathor5:
I understand the concern is greater for daughters for obvious reasons but if we only teach our daughters responsibility, we won't get far.

And with this, the thread can be closed.

Dunno what any further debate should be about.

Except to say “don’t teach boys” .

Yes. And they also don’t want to loose their licenses or pay huge fines

sassysure:
They do. Be it single or married. It's coded.
Also married women do abortion more in Nigeria.
Do you know that?
Ask any naija Dr around you who agree he does abortion cos most of them also pretend they don't do that.

Infact, in some private hospitals, if u agree to do abortion, u will be paid double the salary you receive.
Most females don't agree but men, u know how far

Abortion is the quickest and easiest way to make money in our private hospitals.

A very known secret. North has the highest abortion clinics.

bukatyne:
If a woman has autonomy over her body and decide to keep/abort a pregnancy, why are we dragging men into it? That negates the autonomy.

Yes indeed she has autonomy over her body. Up until the pregnancy is viable, she can decide how she wants to handle the situation. Once the child is on earth and is a living breathing human, it’s not her sole decision anymore. And that human being that the child has become after its arrival on earth will always be linked to him hence he dragged himself into it by dipping raw in the first place. She’s not dragging him into it. He did.

2. You are still dancing around. Whether we like it or not, the woman naturally bears the brunt of sexual encounters gone awry pregnancy wise. If you are going to hold the guy for not preventing pregnancy, what happens if the guy says he wants a baby and the lady says no?

@bold, another repetition of something I already agreed with. How am I dancing around if I already stated I recognize this yet you you’re using it as countering point to me?

If the man wants a baby and the woman says no, he should let her be and find someone who wants a baby. If he doesn’t want a baby, he should use protection.
She should use protection if she doesn’t want a baby. If she wants a baby, ideally she should do it with someone who wants a baby like her too.

3. As a Christian, sex outside of marriage is a sin. So I don't understand what sexual liberation means except you are saying 'a husband/wife have the liberty to hang themselves from the chandeliers in their sitting room.'

You said and I paraphrase “sexual liberation came and men and women became equal”. Why say it if you don’t understand it? I was only quoting your post at that time.

bukatyne:
Because men do not carry the risk women have.

And my people would say: Na the person wey get mata know how to solve am.

It’s okay to have the opinion that men should not be sexually responsible about pregnancy prevention. But you have to own it and stand by it. You can’t say I’m dancing around yet you are not making a definitive stance on the issue. It won’t make the men who have been careful all along start going out to have reckless random sex. But your opinion has to be clear.

The fact woman have more to put up with if a pregnancy occurs doesn’t mean that teaching men to help in prevention should be controversial.

As far as I’m concerned there was no argument to be had here. Except that the thread in a few posts started showing what it was born to do. Shame women

bukatyne:
Can you share any moral code that encourages sex before marriage?

Morality is about doing good and evil, right and wrong.
There’s nothing inherently good or evil about sex.
It’s just like food. A Physiological need/want.

You’re trying to use analogies to drive a point home that I already stated to you that I got. Not necessary.

The only thing I wanted to verify is why it’s so controversial to include men in the topic of prevention.

bukatyne:
My response was facetious.

I have not read on this thread that men should not be taught or encouraged to prevent themselves from unwanted father.

However, common sense dictates that the person with the higher risk would be more concerned mitigating it.

For instance, if we were neighbors and you live downstairs while I am upstairs in a water logged area, who do you think would be more concerned when rain falls?

Who would insist on a resolution if the compound is water logged and sipping into your flat? Who would declare an emergency, get a day off and look for people to fix the issue?

Me in my dry flat upstairs?

If you invested 10% of your life savings in a restaurant and I invested 90% in January before pandemic hit, who would be having high BP now people can no longer eat out?

You that still have 90% to yourself?

The cost of an unwanted pregnancy or popping pills is higher on the woman than the man.

It is therefore the responsibility of the woman to ensure nothing goes wrong.

If the guy says he is a skydiver, enter the lagoon and dive there.

Some posters have suggested 'no condom, no sex' etc.

bukatyne:
Sexual liberation came and men are the same as women, women are wise enough not to be deceived, women can decide the number of partners they have, there is no shame in baby mamaism, abortion is pro-choice, it is our body to do as we want etc. And yet, you still want to enjoy the protection of old where women were seen as victims because they were not equal footing and consequently treated as such?

It doesn't work that way.

You wear the big girl pants now, take responsibility for pregnancy and STDs, let the guy take responsibility for STDs.

Come to think of it, a guy can not force you to keep a pregnancy you don't want so why do you want to force him to father a child he doesn't want?

Where is the equality in that ?

1) Asking a man to participate in birth control is not female victimhood. I can’t see how you got to that conclusion

2) The man is not protecting the woman alone by participating. He’s protecting himself also. They are protecting each other. Because sensibly, two step protection is better than one

3) you almost sound like you have something against sexual liberation.

@bold, I have the answer to my question which you tried to respond cheekily to earlier which is “should men also practice responsibility to prevent unwanted pregnancies?”. I’m guessing your response is no.

liberalchick:
You would think but people with power capitalize on the fact that, people are more likely to believe a star is innocent. We don’t want to sully the image we have built in our heads of our heroes. Also in a country where law and order is virtually non-existent, they have the money and access to destroy the alleged victims

Yea, they feel pretty invincible to do anything.

Yes that absolutely happens I realize.
Like those powerful men in Hollywood who ended up losing their careers when FACTS of their deeds same to light. They capitalized on their power to help them get away with it.

Yet something about Dbanj’s case even with his weird response is keeping me on the fence. Maybe a soft spot?

Doesn’t mean his 100 million demands has convinced me he didn’t do it. If anything it’s doing the opposite

Unnerve:
I'm not following you.

Is abortion legal for married women but illegal for unmarried women in Nigeria?

No it’s not. at least to my knowledge.

But Generally, a married woman who has an abortion by whatever route she’s able to get it often feels like less of a bad person than a single woman who did it. The fact that hospitals will do abortions for married ladies but not the single ones speaks volumes.

Yes some hospitals do this.

bukatyne:
Should men be careful about pregnancies and abortions and other pregnancy management risks?

Yes.

I’m QUITE SURE you understand I meant pregnancy prevention. Not pregnancy itself and abortions.

But I’ll accept your response as non-facetious.

Now that it’s been established that both sides would benefit from being careful about preventing unwanted pregnancies (ergo reducing abortions), why are the posts encouraging the OP to broaden his Teachings judgement, not acceptable here?

Again, before the argument of “women suffer more” arises, let me state that I recognize that.

However, how would it hurt anyone if both men and women take actions to prevent such pregnancies?

Again, not saying women should leave it to men. Y’all know I dislike being deliberately misinterpreted hence the repetitions. Why does the statement that men need to be included in this conversation create controversy?

Unnerve:
My apologies then, I thought I was asking a married woman.

Married women also have high rates of abortions. Maybe not as high as single women but high enough it would surprise you.

The difference if they feel sanctioned while doing it.
At least they weren’t caught having sex while unmarried like those sinful ladies

bukatyne:
My dear, those that will learn will learn.

Shebi we are still begging the 29yr old OP with N40k salary to marry the 22 year old abortion specialist on the other thread.

You know what I like about this life, we will postulate theories online and still logoff to the reality offline.

I don’t think anyone here says women shouldn’t be responsible or careful. Quote the post that says women should leave the responsibility to men alone and I’ll educate the person. I have a few words for them.

Now my question to you is this? Should men also be careful about this issue? A simple yes or no would suffice.

No need to to use many words when maybe everyone’s points summarized might actually come to be the same or similar.

Pmoye what was the intention of this thread?

Obviously wasn’t a thread created to help or educate any woman.

kneehighbootz:
Please, dear women. Let's learn to quickly perceive misogynistic and women shaming topics and not give them the attention they desperately seek.

If the op can hold one gender accountable while exonerating the other (a toddler knows it takes two people to make a baby), just know that he's not actually looking for a balanced discussion but an excuse to abuse and vilify women.

Pay him no mind. Have a good day, ladies

missjo:
I never said they can't, I implied it's harder. This is why I used the word 'embarrassed'.

Culturally, premarital sex still has taboo status. It's mostly forgivable for males but all hush hush when it comes to females. This is one reason why sexually-active single women may find it embarrassing walking into a pharmacy to get birth control patches, pills, or condoms.

But obviously.
Dunno why this is being debated or argued

Abortions as a means of birth control in Nigeria (and places like it) stems from the shaming and demonization of premarital sex and single parenthood among women (And women only).

How can a girl who’s not married have sex or get pregnant? It’s the unspoken abomination that everyone is doing but no one wants to talk about unless it’s time to act holier than others.

It contributes to a phenomenon where many girls do not have access to effective and consistent birth control. Because providing birth control means you’re telling them to have sex and oh my what a scandal.

Solution?
Just a tip of the iceberg
*More education is definitely needed.
*Safe sex should be taught more.
*Social support for young women should be invested in so that girls can learn in a judgement free zone how best to take care of themselves as they grow.
*Realistic options should be provided (abstinence is realistic only to a certain point and then it falls apart).
*education for boys is important too because they contribute to the pregnancy. It might seem sensible to focus on the girls alone because they are the ones who get pregnant but that will never and has never worked by itself.

It’s even more complex than that. But I personally believe that abortions done because the mom mistakenly got pregnant can be reduced to the barest possible minimum if things are done right.

It’s obviously an intimidation ploy.

Although at first, I found it hard to believe that he would rape someone (not because he’s a good guy) but because I felt he wouldn’t be silly enough to ruin himself like that.

If I were him, I’ll make sure we go to court and my side will be heard clear as day. the girl must provide information of what happened and he will provide proof that she is lying. That’s how anyone will factually (not sentimentally) believe either of them.

So if she pays him 100 million, how does that prove or disprove the rape? It doesn’t. It only serves to intimidate her into withdrawal. Which doesn’t name him innocent or name the girl guilty.

Her case against him would actually be harder to prove than if he decides to go ahead make a real case against her. He can easily manufacture ‘eye witnesses’ that saw him in a different place at the time of the so called rape. Wondering why he’s taking the difficult path.

liberalchick:
Cococandy it’s an audio lawsuit, a well known ploy.

This is a letter from his lawyer to the alleged victim, threatening a lawsuit, he never went to court. He can demand a zillion dollars, it means nothing. This is a well known ploy to shut people up, the threat or a hint of a lawsuit. This doesn’t prove his innocence, it makes him look more guilty, this is also how Trump operates, will announce to ‘sue’ and inundate his victim with letters from his team of lawyers but nothing comes of it.

If he’s really innocent he and his lawyers should go to court and file a defamation suit then the COURT will serve the girl.

He knows he can get away with this because A. The default position of Nigerians in a rape case is denial B. Most people are ignorant.

For those talking of prison sentences, there’s a difference between civil and criminal case.

breadplanets:
Rainy morning breakfast

i want

coputa:
How do you make the right choice in getting married,it is difficult,because of the hidden "personal" interest of the parties involved.

Mutual benefits is one way to go.

If it’s one sided all the time, it won’t hold. So after all the love and feelings and what not have been established, make sure the someone stands to benefit from you as you are from them. That way neither of you will be easily dispensable to each other.

Finances is not bigger than emotional labor.


Limited say is same as what i interpreted in my response to you. You’re using too many word to make the points I’m highlighting in your own post.

nkwuocha1:
Limited say,read my post.
Why will a woman take care of the step kids finance?For what?If she doesn't want to,no problem.Its the responsibility of the father to take care of ALL his kids from different women.

It is not a man that goes into a woman's family.Its the other way round,and so she is expected to come take care of the home and NOT mandated to provide for her kids talk more step kids when the husband is alive.She can help,that's all.

If a woman should marry a man with stepkids already, make she respect her self and don't make their lives unbearable.Simple!

coputa:
It is not always like that,especially when the kids start coming,the step child is always at risk.some men even go to the extreme to rape their step daughter.

Hopefully the people marrying make the right choices.

Father have raped their daughters too. I don’t think the risk is higher because it’s a step daughter. But that’s a ‘by the way’ issue.

JONNYSPUTE:
....Sis.The new husband or husband to be doesn't have a say here.

The matter is between the first husband and the wife and is gonna be possible if the woman can prove the irresponsible acts of the first husband substantially.

If not,the first husband might get the custody of the child.

Okay I was under the assumption that the ex isn’t in the life of the kids while the new man does want them.

If the biological dad does want the kids and the mom wants the kids too, they have to work out a suitable custody arrangement that won’t hurt the kids and will attempt to suit both of them (which won’t necessarily be easy) but they have to do that.
Even if the father of the kids didn’t marry the woman, he still had a right to his kids as long as he wants them.
I don’t support that culture takes paternity rights from men because they didn’t marry the moms of the kids.
However I believe they have equal rights to the kids and decisions should be made based on what’s best for the children (age and needs etc).