₦airaland Forum

And you posted this letter here because? I didn't even read it.

Disney, I don't know about the psychic and all that. Please don't take her too seriously. I can count many times that I have followed certain "signs" and ended up making bad decisions in the end. I remember a psychic once told me that I was going to meet a guy within the next two weeks who would be crazy about me and he would end up being the guy that i would end up with. As a result, the next guy that I met on the street that wanted my #, I started thinking, This is it! That's him. The guy the psychic talked about! He turned out to be one of the biggest mistakes of my life. So don't read too much into it. It is what it is.

So back to the real question. I say go for it. Give this new guy a chance. Because I can tell that if you don't, you are going to keep asking yourself, What if, what if ? Coulda woulda shoulda. And something tells me you feel there are things about yor present guy that you feel could be better. If you were truly happy and satisfied with your current guy, I bet that you wouldn't be thinking about this new guy so much. I'm not saying there is a perfect relationship but you obviously feel some things are lacking in your current relationship.

Can you tell the current guy that you need some space to think about stuff and that way you are free to date/ try out the new one?  That way too, you don't feel any guilt with the new one? You know? It's all in the spirit of Keeping your Options open. Maybe you will go on the date and really like it, or you will go and find out that you develop a newfound appreciation for the man that you already have. But whatever happens, don't give this new guy the goodies for a looong time. Make sure you really get to know him first. Who knows how many bus stops he stops at when he sees nice girls? i don't care how decent he looks on the outside. And MAKE SURE that your interest in him is not about the physical, such as his looks and his nice car. Those are nothing. All material.

By the way, you are cute. Nice skin tone. Good Luck, OK! Let's know how it goes.

Dude, the more desperate you look and sound, the more you will drive the women away. So no matter how desperate you are inside, don't let it show. Real talk.

Of course you should get mad at him. Whoever he is cheating with doesn't owe you anything. Unless it is a friend or something and even then, you shoudl still get mad at him mostly.

baby4U2, say more. What's the story?

Loving and trusting a few liars when my gut instincts told me to walk away.

Many people have made the mistake of marrying too early and then growing up later and discovering that they are at a different place. Then they don't want the person they are with anymore and this leads to divorce. They have to carry this "stigma" with them at a very young age that they have been married before. Mind you, I don't judge people on that, but some ppl have a problem with that. I have met young men that are already divorced by age 25. He shouldnt make the same mistake.

Baby Girl, what are you waiting for? Are you sticking around till he smashes your face for you to tell that he means it? Get yoruself some self esteem. Why hang around someone who treats you like that?

No, I wouldn't. Sounds risky to me.

Me too. Most stupid thing I did was love him in the first place. Like Mamaput, today I feel nothing.

Yeah, agree with bluenubian. Also, why waste money, a gift, transportation, a dress., YOUR TIME etc. Hunny, spend that time and money on yourself. There is really no reason to go. Send him a card.

Personally. I would not go. It doesn't mean you are bitter or anything, I just don't see any need or place there for you at his wedding. Decline the invite and wish them well "through e-mail" (he he) and move on. Is there really any fun for you to be at the wedding?

yes, that's a hint.

Na wa oh!

^^^

I cant stand men who really think they are handsome when they are really not all that. To the question: Do they cheat more? They have the opportunity to cheat more, but whether they choose to or not is their own choice.

NOT ROMANTIC AT ALL!!! Next question?

@ Nwoke, right on! Those were always my suspicions, so tx for confirming them.

Saddam, you know what? I just might holler at you!  But you must tell me where you are. I am in Boston. I absolutely don't do long distance relationships!

You are all welcome and i am happy that men are identifying with it too. It will be OK, David!

No, Nwoke. A lot can be accomplished by another woman pointing out to another (in the right way) that she has low self esteem. Low self esteem manifests itself into actions that the woman pursues that are not benefiting her, as rightly mentioned. So maybe if a woman that is letting a man walk over her like a doormat gets it pointed out to her that the reason may be because she has low self esteem, then she recognises that and then she can take steps to improve on her perception of herself and go forward toward more positive, progressive behavior. e.g. Not allowing people to take advantage of her, dressing better, expressing herself better and pursuing opportunities that she otherwise wouldn't have pursued.

There is a lot one can do to improve their self esteem and it helps to point it out to someone who has that problem so they can do something about it. First thing is an awareness that you have that problem. If you are not seeing that yourself, then it helps that someone else points it out to you. Then it's up to you to something about it (hopefully) or not. Often, people w/ low self esteem already know but need help coming up with ways to improve this. Maybe the person who pointed it out to them may be just the person they need to give them ideas on how to improve.

This should bless those who are yet to get married and those who already are.
by Reverend Ronald McFadden

If you're not married yet, share this with a friend. If you are married,
share it with your spouse or other married couples . . . and reflect on it.
An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and
after you marry, close one eye."

Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust,
desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low-self
esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool
yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't
really that important.

Once you decide to commit to someone, over time their flaws,
vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious.

If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've
got to learn how to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you.

You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values,
dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique individual children of
God who have decided to share a life together. Neither of you is perfect,
but are you perfect for each other?

Do you bring out the best in each other?
Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete,
compare, and control?
What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past
hurt, past mistrust, past pain?

You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or her. You can't make
someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual
discernment, and "a life," you won't find yourself making someone else
responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain.

Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not the
ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship.

Seeking status, sex, wealth and security are the wrong reasons to be in a
relationship.

What keeps a relationship strong? Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense
of humor, sharing household tasks, some getaway time without business or
children and daily exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a
touch, a note). Leave a nice message on their voicemail or send a nice
email. Sharing common goals and interests. Growth is important. Grow
together, not away from each other, giving each other space to grow without
feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interest.

You can't always be together. Give each other a sense of belonging and
assurances of commitment. Don't try to control one another. Learn each
other's family situation. Respect his or her parents regardless.

Don't put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember, for Richer
or for Poorer. If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode
as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain replace the
passion.

"Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher
than you think." The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of God
stands forever. Isaiah 40:8

Shall we make a new rule of life from tonight: Always to try to be a little
kinder than is necessary.

"The difference between 'United' and 'Untied' is where you put the "I".


Bless you all

When I say those words, I mean them. But when I hear it from others, I am not sure if they are being sincere. Many men use it just to get what they want from you.