₦airaland Forum

Lol, Seun what is up with you and who told you every good story had to have a happy ending, more so who told you that was the end.

Um this is a story i gave in for ma college coursework. I'm improvising as i go along, i've changed around the characters and used Nairaland users it's pure fiction so no one should take to heart whatever is said, i'll probably continue and use as many people as i can depending on if the story is liked. I don't know how to place in the rating so if you like it just say and if you have any critcism please state thanks. This is a story from an overactive imagination.


Damsal had been running for a while. Now out of breath, she stopped to lean against a tree taking in deep breaths as she looked over her shoulder. She had lost him she prayed silently hoping he had fallen into a trap, she couldn’t really tell if what she had seen was a it or he but there was one thing she was sure of it was out to get her. Damsal slumped heavily on the ground her dark brown hair spilling out of it’s pony tail, she made to place it back in tighter when she heard a soft noise.
Her heart beat quickened, eyes wide she picked up the closest object she could find a soft moulding stick and searched through the dark desperately for where the noise was coming from not caring much about how useless the stick was, she tiptoed lightly towards the direction of the noise bending to brush away the flowers which had grown to cover the path, she raised the stick ready to strike. An innocent looking rabbit stared back at her wide-eyed and scared it ran back in the direction it came, Damsal gave herself a mental shake.
Get a hold of yourself would you
A strong gush of wind blew causing Damsal to pull her jacket tighter over her chest, she realised a cut on her leg in this process, swearing silently she pulled out tissue from her pocket and dabbed at the wound, fresh blood spilled out and covered the tissue, turning it to a scarlet colour. A deep terrifying howl was what jolted Damsal away from her injury, slowly she got up.
I’ve got to get out of here. She thought inwardly. Pushing her way through the deep green forest she headed in the opposite direction of the noise.
“Leaving so soon, I was just beginning to make plans”
Too late. That deep familiar voice rang in her ear, Damsal turned back to face the handsome yet terrifying nightmare she had ever had. He was dressed completely in black from his midnight black turtle neck, to his black polished shoes. The only colour he had to himself were his eyes the moonlight reflecting on them gave them a light brown glow. Damsal felt that if she looked at them for more than a second she might drown in them. He was breathing heavily, his fangs hang from his mouth looking incredibly white and sharp. He leaned in closer to Damsal, and stroked her neck lightly, then turned to take a look at her pale face.
“Any last words Damsal?”
At that moment Damsal’s eighteen and a half years on earth flashed before her.
This is it.
This is the end.
This is how I’m going to die.
Damsal wondered with realisation, this wasn’t how she had wanted to end, she still had a lot of unfinished business. She hadn’t even stared on her ‘Things i must do before i die list’.
-She wanted to go to university and graduate as a dentist
-She wanted to tell old Mrs Brown she was sorry for buying the wrong prescription drugs that killed her third husband.
-And the most important on the list she wanted to be engaged to Orlando Bloom on the Eiffel Tower.
“Close your eyes if it would help, but trust me this wont hurt at all” He muttered softly into her ears.
Before Damsal could utter a word he opened his mouth wide, his fangs looking deadlier than ever were thrust deep into her neck-
“Arrrrrrrgh”

@Neoteny
This story is fantastic (i'm clapping right now) It's got great use of discription of the character and Lagos , and right at the beginning you tell of us the relationship between Stella and her father making us know the characer better and inviting us into her world. I've found it very interesting and highly visual. I hope along the way you place in dialogue because you didn't place in any at the market place, which i find unusal because a lot goes on in ares such as this.