₦airaland Forum

wale2day:
unfortunately, that is not an area dat u can do anything about.

Charity begins at home, we are not ibo, if anything, let us change our yoruba culture first.

Babaloja and Iyaloja are extortionist culture we practice in yoruba land, task urself and focus your energy on dat.

Rubbish! I am not interested in changing anything I am simply empathizing with the lady and calling a spade a spade shikena.

Chiefly:
We've been together for a year plus now and it's a regular occurrence, she's always starting shi* with other guys, other times with other girls then I have to deal with thier men. Whenever we go clubbing, hanging out in a lounge, shopping at the mall, attending weeding ceremonies, infact the last confrontation was right in a cinema hall... it's quite embarrassing. (she seems to only behave at church)..
I've tried to keep her in check and curb her running mouth in these instances but it never works, and whenever she runs her mouth like this at other guys for minutes on end, it’s only ends one way: With her manning up …and expecting me to clobber the other guy for her, ultimately I get into physical confrontations and fights with these guys to diffend her and ultimately my ego.

Most people think It's my inability to control her but step in my shoes and you'll see the only thing I haven't done is hit her (physically), she's too damn stubborn (in this particular area). This is the only issue we have tho, every other thing is quite great. I've always thought she'll change with time but no. No significant improvement whatsoever. Don't know, could it be psychogenic? She was born and raised in the UK tho based in Nigeria now.

NB: *It's an arranged marriage.

So I really need your advice guys (I'd appreciate matured inputs pls from experienced folks).. Cos

Don't need a woman to go around picking fights for me. i gotta find a way to clip this the instant it starts, or figure out a way to stop this bad behavior once and for all...

Edited: Guys forgot to mention - her dad is a Brigadier General
.
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From a friend.
Lalasticlala let's help a brother.

Run!!!!!

When someone shows who they truly are, believe them the first time.

Toyindiva:
Congrat, my own too will come ijn amen!!!

Amen sister. May our young maidens find their mates and live happily ever after in their homes. Amen.

dhabrite:
Let them go.

Plus let Biafra go.

Please tell me, where has secession ever worked?

Abagworo:
Secession is not solution to any country's problems but has been proven to worsen things especially in Africa. Look at Somalia, Eritrea and Somaliland. Even Western Sahara and Southern Sudan have not found peace. Interestingly Rwandan Hutus and Tutsis that witnessed the worst ethnic cleansing have united and are doing better now.

You dey mind African coyntries?

ruffDiamond:
which kain wahala be did





England and France be paddy na??

It's called being your brothers keeper.

seguno2:
If you are not a liar, please provide links showing that you absolutely need a chain of degrees to be an olopa in the USA.
Are high school certificate holders not the vast majority of police recruits in the USA

Wait what? Even though the minimum qualifications is a high school diploma, a lot of policemen actually have degrees.

Bollinger:
Lol. Funny. You've spent your entire life in Nigeria and have the psychological profile of the average Nigerian. What makes you think you will do any better? In fact, a more prudent question is; what makes you think Nigerians will support you in trying to change the status quo? You guys underestimate how much corruption has infected every facet of life in Nigeria

Abi o! How do you change something with the same mindset that created it in the first place?

fSociety:
Mugu, I'm not in your shithole of a country.

What are you? A child? Is that the best you can come up with? Either way, its back to sender many times over.

gentle5:
The west has structured the world's system of things that way. As long as they gave us the education to acquire so called knowledge, for so long are we going to continue serving them.

Its for the same reason we have crude oil, but import petrol.
The same reason we have football stars and they always end us abroad.
The same reason we have have schools, but always end up abroad to upgrade our certification.
e.t.c.

That's the evolution of slavery. Things are deliberately set up to work that way and there's nothing anybody can do about it, until we change what we call education.

This comment is so uninformed its not even funny. The reason we import petrol is because our refineries hardly work and instead of selling them off we stubbornly hold on to them further impoverishing the people. In addition that bad economic policies by the govt has not helped. When companies like ExxonMobil wanted to build a refinery in Nigeria to refine crude oil the govt would only agree unless they could set the price at which Exxon will sell the petrol (price controls). Thats like the govt telling you the price that you should sell your goods and services instead of letting the market do so. How then are you going to make a profit and compete in he market place? You see how stupid that Is? So blame your leaders for their bad decisions for not creating a condicive environment where businesses abd investments can thrive without bribery and corruption.

fSociety:
It would continue to get worse. Nigeria is a failed nation.

They say death and life is in the power of the tongue so keep confessing your reality.

wale2day:
davidif come see your mate don pay bride price marry

All the way from our sw, u are debating to change another man culture becos u want to marry from dem free or dey foot the bill. shame on u.

Bride price never stop anybody from marrying.

Who was talking about abolishing bride price, what I was complaining about was the excessive cost that the girls parents charged them. There is no fixed bride price you know? Every family charges whatever they want and in that other case out of their greed, they forced the newly weds to go into debt. Talk about starting a lifelong marriage on the wrong foot. May God save is from greedy in laws who sell their daughters to the highest bidders in the name of "culture".

Meritocracy:
How come this man became minister in Nigeria of 200million people full of intellectuals.

You don't necessarily need intellectuals in that role but people who have some experience in that field or very good administrators.

Until this govt completely liberalized the economy and strengthen its laws this country will continue to suffer unemployment. The sad thing is that the solutions are there but those in power either don't know what to do or even worse, they know what to do but don't even have the courage to do it.

lowaist101:
The Mainstay Of Our Economy In Nigeria Today Is Crude Oil. It Generates About 90% Of Our National Revenue. No Government Can Willingly Handover Such To Private Individuals OR Nigeria Will Collapse Over Night. What Can Happen Will Be Partial Privatization Of Commercialization Of NNPC!

And therein lies the root of the problem.
You can't keep doing the same thing over and over again and keep expecting different results, I believe someone defined that as insanity. When the govt gets out of the way of private enterprise, watch the naija economy take off.

This is so sad. What is worse is that this thing might have been prevented if we had local community policing.

And this made the front page? Must be a slow news day. What next, another post telling me I cam make a billion dollars by working from home?

macof:
the practice began and has persisted because it serves a social benefit and it still does. Cultural norms like laws are created to benefit as much people as it can, not every single person all the time. Even though, most of the modern families calling for bride price do it for greed, it still has it's benefit and it is at least a little appreciation for their ethnic background, which is always a good thing.
there is a simple solution for those who do not like this ..... do not marry the girl, if her father sets a standard for the man who is supposed to take care of his daughter and he fails, he should move on..what's the big deal? it is not by force to marry his daughter



oh shut up! how many people in africa actually follow their culture when it matters? do not even come here to start blaming African cultures when most africans do not follow their culture, if africans did the condition would be so much better as many of such customs and ideas still hold potential for social, economic and psychological development and those that don't can be modified. So that some people hold on to the bride price aspect it means African is a mess because of the whole culture that isn't even dominant? use your head
with all the religion, post-colonial mentality and western-culture-philia which are the dominant basis for the modern African society, the continent will always remain a mess...that is why I defend real african culture when i see it, an African Renaissance is very much needed

Dude, if they want to keep their culture then they can keep it. I am not saying that you throw out the baby with the bath water what i am saying is that some parts of culture need to be keot while some should done away with. Culture was made for man and not man for culture. In other words, when a tradition begins to be a disadvantage and a form of oppression to certain people (e.g women) then it needs to be questioned, modified or completely discarded.

Finally, as in most things in life, most things needs to be done in moderation. The problem with this scenario is A father using what should be a beautiful and noble thing for his selfish desires. Talk about the pure unfettered greed that has hijacked this traditions. This are the excesses I am addressing. This is his daughter for goodness sakes. Why would he even do that?

hammerF6:

Yoruba man obsessed with Igbos, y am i not suprised that u are still on this thread.

Wat do u aim to achieve? Igbo drop their culture an practice Yoruba culture?

We pay ur wedding expenses and as soon as we give birth and it is a girl, we carry her and give u or datch u after raising her?

I am trying very hard to understand wat exactly u want from us.

Yoruba obsessed with ibos? What kind of logic is this? I am sympathizing with the woman and also trying to put myself in her shoes and you are saying I am "obsessed with igbos?" See reasoning. Culture was made for man not man for the culture. In other words, when a practice or a tradition begins to oppress the person it was created for then it needs to discarded.
Sorry bro but I hate injustice no matter the tribe that practices it so don't give me that nonsense about "culture is culture" cos everything needs to be done in moderation. This on the other hand is excessive.

lowaist101:
In A Full Blown Free Market Economies Of The World, Govt Will Have To Intervene because The Poor And The Poor Of The Poorest. Capitalism Enlarges D Gap Btw D Rich N D Poor. This Is Why We Advocate For A Welfare State!

Oh really? Tell me how well that worked out in Venezuela.

lowaist101:
The Price Mechanism Is Self Regulating. If The Price Is Brought Below The Equilibrium Price, Demand Will Increase And Supply Will Decrease. This Will Create Supplus Demand. This Excess Demand Will Instigate Suppliers To Increase Price And Gradually, The Price Will Move Straight Back To The Market/ Equilibrium Price. It Is Just Rational Economics. The Cycle Will Continue Like That. In A Full Blown Free Market Economies Of The World, Govt Will Have To Intervene because The Poor And The Poor Of The Poorest. Capitalism Enlarges D Gap Btw D Rich N D Poor. This Is Why We Advocate For A Welfare State!

Dude, you are speaking grammar. Get the govt out of the oil and gas market so that other players can get in the game this way there is more competition in the market place which goes on furthermore to reduce prices shikena. How difficult is it to inderstand? The more competition there is in the market place, the better for consumers. But when the govt decides to interfere like they do in nigeria and begin to decide not only who the players are but who the winners and losers are then you have what we are currently experiencing in Nigeria now.

KanwuliaExtra:
Why does it matter?

No certificates in traditional marriages.
Inferiority complex of Nigerian traditions ke!
Only the WHITE tradition is superior.
Blame colonial mentalities and “I must marry for CHURCH” tinz.

Then get a registration of your marriage in court.
No need for wedding.

Simple.

You dey mind them?

lowaist101:
I can't be wrong. The reality on ground is that the refineries are owned by the federal government. The original question is how to salvage the situation to avert fuel shortages and prevent this perennial queues during festive period. We are thinking of solution in the interim and probably in the next 18 months, new refineries will come on board. We are reliably informed that modular refineries are in the pipeline and also Dangote is putting one in place.
When we talk of market forces, we are referring to the interaction between demand and supply. This will produce an equilibrium price. This market price may be too high for the poor masses. So, government intervenes using, in most cases two mechanisms; subsidies and price control. Please I want you to settle down and read something on Keynesian economics. I am convinced you will learn a lot on welfarism. This is what we have termed evolving a SOCIAL DEMOCRATIC STATE. Thank you. Please read some of my stories on Facebook, shoemohmoh gabriel.

First of all, what right does the govt have to tell a business what price to sell his products in the first place?
Secondly, If the costs of production are higher than the selling price (the price that the govt fixes) how will businesses survive?
Lastly, please tell me where price controls have ever worked and I will be waiting.

All his and yet no suggestion of how to deal with he fundamental issues that plague this country. The countries problems are foundational and cam only be fixed at the foundational level. Decentralized power from the center and adopt a true free market system. All this suggestions the writer made are just shallow changes that won't go far enough.

Mrsprof:
Since it is only marriage certificate can ascertain that one is actually married based on if one wants to do certain things that required marriage certificate,and we all know that no certificate is been issued in traditional marriage... My question now is, does it mean traditional marraige alone is not recorgnise in our society, and is it possible for one to obtain certicate without court or church wedding? If yes, how

So before white people came to Africa, marriages were not valid and bimding?

Mr. Man is it by force to marry? The man was not ready to marry from that family simple...

See logic! The fact that I don't earn a million naira for a bride price does not mean that one is not ready to marry it might simply mean that it is way beyond his budget. You don't need to have a million to to live day to day as husband and wife. You can cut your cloth according to your size. If the bride price is more than your budget then that's plain cruelty.

macof:
Culture should always reign supreme, it exists for a reason...if you don't like it you can go some place where such cultures dont exist and leave the people alone

Culture should never reign supreme. Knowledge, logic and reason Trump culture any day any time. No wonder this continent is still a mess after all this years.

Proudlyngwa:
kindly explain how china is in a big mess.

First of all, China is simply not sustainable. It's such an inequitable society. All it needs is for some serious economic crisis to hit and the communist party will be upended.

if the government likes let them collect all the tax in the world, if incompetent people are at the helm of affairs nothing will happen.

But at least the people will be more involved and more engaged in what happens with their money.

we dont have to follow every principle set by the west to run our affairs

No we don't. But we can copy the best practices from the rest of the world and apply those tried and true methods to ours instead of doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

if bride price did not put him in debt, marriage life would

Wrong! You don't know that. You are just speculating. Wedding is a one time event and marriage is for life. Don't conflate the two.

macof:
The man was not ready for marriage...at least by what I understand
If a man can't pay bride price how can he prove his capability to take care of the woman and her children.

Once again, the bride price was not the issue, the issue was the amount that he was told to bring.

If the man failed to negotiate, then he is a fool, if the man doesn't know what he can't afford then he is a fool

I don't see wickedness, what I see is stupidity and inability from the husband's side

Great, let's blame the victim now not the stupid culture of greed and extortion. Awesome. Clap for yourself.

macof:
like I said if it doesn't cause harm there is no reason to change it.

But it does cause harm. It forces this people to chose between love and going into massive debt.

macof:
the culture of bride price is what I refered to
And I disagree about it being all about Greed...

[b]The culture works for the igbos so what's the big deal? [/b]Be tolerant of others culture if you don't pay bride price where you are from

Well it sure didn't work for this lady and that's why she went on to social media to vent.
Heck, I know of some ibos who have complained bitterly about this so don't give me that "if it works for the ibos then it must be okay" as if you have done a survey and found out the opinions of most married igbo people on this issue. The fact that some people don't have the courage to complain like this lady does not mean they are still not bitter about what their father in laws put them through.

Proudlyngwa:

the united states government regulated til their was stability, then they sold off.
stop allowing global imperialism deceive you.

china owns its oil companies as does Venezuela , Russia, UAE qutar and many more, we can set our own rules and regulations tooo, what we need is sincere and competent people managing it

the Nigerian tax system has not advanced to the extent of handing of every government business owned entity.

Wrong! There was never a state run oil and gas company in the US.
Secondly, all those countries you are mentioning are a big mess like Venezuela, Russia and even China. While the UAE is just a very small country so you can't compare them to Nigeria. So learn your facts.
As for taxation, whose fault is it that Nigeria has not developed a strong tax system while the British were able to do this pre-1960? Abeg stop blaming excuses for this people because where there is a will, thete is a way. Nigeria's problem is that they make so much money that they don't even bother collecting taxes just like Saudi Arabia and those other middle eastern cou.tries and this is what holds those countries back for the people are not involved. If the govt was hitting their income for taxes believe you me they would be concerned about what is done with that money if they are not seeing results.

lowaist101:
That is where you are very wrong. This suggestion will jeopardize the entire economy. You can't allow full deregulation of the downstream now. Govt owns all the refineries. No private refineries yet. Even in the US ,government intervenes to cushion the effect of free enterprise on the poor. If the marketers are permitted to import fuel, without intervention from the govt, I want you yourself to imagine what will happen. In an economy like ours, privatization is a gradual process or else many will suffer.
So, according to you, if the landing price of fuel is 171; how much do you think the marketers will sell? My brother, you will kill Nigerians while some will be smiling to the bank on a daily basis. Pls, go and read the theory of privatization and deregulation and we can start over.

You are so wrong on many levels. First of all, govt should not own any refineries, they should have sold them and also allowed other foreign companies to build their refineries. That's the reason why Nigeria imports petrol despite the fact that we are one one of the largest producers in the world. If Exxon Mobil had been allowed to build their own refinery in Nigeria they won't have to send it to Asia to refine shikena.

Secondly, if the govt gets out of the industry, it will let market forces set the price of oil and will lead to greater competition thereby reducing prices further.