Dear Bunmi,

I met this lady 3 years ago on the social media and we started dating.

Twice she has quitted and reunited again, simply because she knew I loved her that much.

But, the major issue is that, all these years, she has refused to visit me; always giving excuses.

The last time I brought up the issue of visitation she said I should be the one to visit her and family.

Please I'm confused, should I let her be and move on? I can't even describe her in physical.

Thanks.

Nick
Via email.

Click below to see my response
http://dearbunmi.com/we-met-on-social-media/

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Dear Bunmi,

There is a forum of graduates and undergraduates that I belong and there is this particular young lady in the forum that I have developed genuine love for.

She is so mature, beautiful and dedicated to any assignment she is given. She happens to possess every quality I need in a woman.

We are quite very close and good friends at that. I fear I might lose everything if I open up to her. I sincerely care about her. I don’t just know where or how to start.

I have called her out for a sit out on occasions of which she obliged. I do not know what’s on her mind or how she'll react if I open up to her.

How do I tell her I love her? Please help.

Joshua

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http://dearbunmi.com/how-do-i-tell-her-i-love-her/

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http://dearbunmi.com/send-your-story

Dear Bummi,

I'm a pretty shy young man of 25 and I've never wooed a lady but there was this NCE course mate whom I met in the university again and we happen to be in the same department though she is two years ahead of me and two years my junior in age.

At first she was extremely free with and would touch me in a romantic way, being a shy person I felt she was interested in me so in my mind I felt we could jell so I also gave her signals that I was interested in a relationship with her and we started seeing each other regularly but we never professed love for each other verbally but by our actions it became clear that we both liked each other.

We call each other often, she would cook and call me over to her hostel to come eat. However, during the holiday her phone went bad and being the first time I became emotionally attached to a lady, on days I could not reach her I would call as many of her friends I knew just to check up on her. In the process she accused me of telling one of her friends what she did not like, I apologized to her but she 'refused to listen and in the process I broke down emotionally because I became an object of ridicule before her friends, whom whenever they saw me they would laugh and giggle at me; this strained our relationship.

At this point in time she was no longer talking to me however, few days to her birthday she called me to give her a gift so I gave her some money and I thought we had settled, we even took photographs together on that day but when I asked her to send me the photographs via WhatsApp she did not even respond so I decided to let go of her even though it was painful.

About a month later, I received a call from a strange number to my surprise she was the one calling, she said she just called to greet me so I felt she was willing for a settlement. A few days later I called her and we spoke pleasantly over the phone but when I told her I was coming over to her hostel she said I shouldn't come. She would only chat with me on WhatsApp.

I feel she is just playing games on my emotions and exploiting my inability to woo a lady, so I am thinking of letting go of her for another lady who always smiles at me anytime we get to see each other, I feel this new lady has given me a sign that she is interested in me.

Please, I need your counsel.

George
Via email

Click below to see my response
http://dearbunmi.com/feel-just-playing-games-emotions/

Do you have any relationship questions?
http://dearbunmi.com/send-your-story

Dear Bunmi.

I got married at 32 to my wife. We were classmates at the University. Our relationship wasn’t one of Romeo and Juliet. It wasn’t one of love at first sight. It was more of a sexual attraction thing. And we hooked up right from our final year in the University. I had never really dated before then.

We continued this friendship thing based on sex. We had a few infidelity issues before we got married where I suspected she was seeing other men. She was. Things got messy at some point when one of my friend’s girlfriend called me to ask if something was going on between my girlfriend and her own boyfriend.  At the period, she found out she was pregnant. Not sure whether the baby was mine, I insisted I didn’t want the pregnancy and she went for an abortion. Out of pity, I overlooked all her infidelity issues and still stayed in the relationship.

We got married 4 years ago. I wanted marriage because I wanted a baby. I was tired of the dating thing, had a good job and I just wanted to settle down. In hindsight, I would say that was the only reason I got married to her. Not out of any special love. The sex was good and I thought why not just settle down and have a baby.

Today, we are still looking for a baby. We’ve tried all the methods in the books and spent tons of money. She has become lazy, ambition-less and her attention is now focused on me. Where I go, what time I come in, checking my phones, putting a software on my phone to read my chats… She now has trust issues. I have grown unhappy and frustrated. She stresses me out now and at some point I actually went out and cheated on her.

She found out and told my friends and family. I thought she wanted to save the marriage but she wanted her pound of flesh. Which was ok. I believe I deserve the shame I got. Since then, we hardly talk anymore. We hardly have sex anymore as well. She seems out of it, even  if it is for child bearing. She just waits and expect me to initiate sex. I can’t be bothered. These days I just go touch myself and I don’t care.

However right now my mind is off the marriage. I am tired. I still don’t love her but I don’t hate her either. I am just at a point where I don’t care anymore. Now we fight over little things. She doesn’t respect me anymore and there isn’t really any friendship anymore.

And now I do not want a child by her. I don’t want a child that will grow up in this poisonous atmosphere. I am from a broken home myself and I want a child that will grow up normally. I feel better when I am alone these days. I find solace in my work and the times I am out of the house.

Emeka
via Email

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http://dearbunmi.com/dont-want-child-marriage-anymore/

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http://dearbunmi.com/send-your-story

Dear Bunmi,

Growing up, I always had unnecessary attention from the
opposite sex. At first I thought it was okay as a girl (I enjoyed the ‘shakara’) but when I got admitted into the university, I saw hell.

It wasn’t like I was the prettiest girl, I just found myself in situations where I get to know the opposite sex (male) through a conversation and they wont want to leave. In my first year I became a class rep and before I knew it the course adviser was on my case.

After a while, I just couldn’t handle it. I was frustrated so I begged to change departments and after that I avoided lecturers in my new departments and ran away from every need to come in contact.

I guess the pain of being unjustly treated made me get
thrown off balance and I couldn’t cope in the new department, I decided to seek for help from the department but meeting the person in charge he started asking me out.

I gave up totally, I dropped out!

I talked about it to different people because I wanted to feel better.

I’m better now and starting afresh in a new school and I still feel it
fresh sometimes. Will it ever go away totally?

Best Regards,
Missy
via Email

Click below to see my response
http://dearbunmi.com/handle-unnecessary-attention-men/

Do you have any relationship questions?
http://dearbunmi.com/send-your-story

Dear Bunmi,

I have known this girl for over 3 years but we actually became romantically involved about one year now.

The problem I have with her is that she actually wants me to romance and kiss her for as long as possible but will never give in to sex. She might even be the one to initiate the act. She will want me to kiss and romance her, but when its come to the issue of sex she will tell me that she can't do it. It's gotten to the extent where she has to tell me that she would not mind me having sex with another girl.

I do love this girl and my people have come to know her as my girl friend, hence they (my people) regard her very much even to the extent that she can cook and bring to them an they will eat. I am confused indeed.

TK
Via Email

Click below to see my response
http://dearbunmi.com/wants-caress-no-sex/

Do you have any relationship questions?
http://dearbunmi.com/send-your-story

Dear Bunmi,

I got married less than 2 years ago. My wife got pregnant before our wedding day. 3 weeks after the wedding I was told by her sister that my wife was HIV positive. I was so angry because she didn’t tell me before or when we started dating, even now I realize they all (her family) knew this before the wedding and wanted to get me infected to hold me down.

I am negative and have held on for my child over a year now. Her 1st result came out negative and the last test is in about 6 months. After the last test for my child I have decided to get a divorce because I feel cheated and I don’t want to live a life with restrictions especially sexually, and even if, that should have been my decision, not to be deceived into it.

Clive.
Via Email

Click below to see my response
http://dearbunmi.com/hid-hiv-status-till-got-married/

Do you have any relationship questions?
http://dearbunmi.com/send-your-story

Dear Bunmi,

Please pardon my long write up.

I am 23 a fresh graduate from a University awaiting my NYSC. I met my current girlfriend 22 in school and I intend to marry her and I've been trying out things around the school just to make sure am in touch with her as I promised her earlier.

We've been dating for a year and a half now. When I first met and fell in love with her, she never told me she had someone she was still trying to disconnect until after about 3 months. She finally broke up with him but they won't stop communicating as she keeps making me feel I'm the love of her life. This ex (33) came back for her January 2016 and discovered that she had me. He beat her mercilessly and used her to force a break up with me. He started threatening me then I left the environment. Meanwhile, during all these she never told him that we where seriously dating. It was my reactions to his bully that made him know me and she kept denying me.

After few weeks he proposed to her and she rejected and called me to tell me what happened. I adviced her to go and accept because am not due to get married, she said she's not ready as well.

Recently she put security lock on her phone to restrict me from even viewing her gallery, unlike me who has left both my phones unlocked with her day and night.
I was furious about it then I asked her why she said she needs privacy. As time went on she was no longer romantic to me while chatting, was not willing to spend time with me. Then I did more outings, increased my loving trills but no positive change. Then I asked "are you bored of me?" she said yes. So I asked if there was someone else, no response. I asked her to go to her new found love. She quickly thanked me and returned all my things in her possession.

I then started begging her to stay with me that I'll do my best to make her love me again. This took me 3 days to achieve then we were back again.

Prior to her mood swing, she got a job that has 95% of guys working there. They all love her because she's beautiful and well mannered. She was getting carried away by them.

Am currently running out of money and she has hundreds of thousands of cash in her personal bank account but she won't support me. She has been ill for about a week now and she won't allow me to come see her.

This evening I was stubborn and went to her with some fruits. She gladly welcomed me as I was with her and her family. She gave me her phone, opened the gallery without me asking and I went through every picture. She could download and keep photos of other male friends including her ex pictures. But she won't do same with mine. She has over 500 pictures in her full memory phone mine is just 0.1%=5 bed selfies I sent to her on whatsapp. Her ex called her several times in my presence while I was going through her phone.
She claims to really love me than anything up till after I expressed my disappointment with what I saw, but I don't believe her.

What should I do please, am confused.

Donald.
Via Email

Click below to see my response
http://dearbunmi.com/5-selfies-of-us-out-of-500-does-she-truly-love-me/

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http://dearbunmi.com/send-your-story

Dear Bunmi,

I'm currently engaged and my fiance is requesting that I have sex before marriage with him otherwise he would forfeit the wedding which is in two months time.

I'm scared! If I agree to have sex with him, will he run away before the wedding? Can I trust him?

These are the questions on my mind please help me!!!

I've heard of people who get dumped after agreeing to have sex with their boyfriend/fiancé
I really love him and I don't know what to do.
Thanks.

Nicole
Via Facebook

Click below to see my response
http://dearbunmi.com/fiance-wants-sex-marriage/

Do you have any relationship questions?
http://dearbunmi.com/send-your-story

Dear Bunmi,

I was raped at 17 by someone I trusted. I was a virgin at that time and it took me a while to handle and get a grip of my emotions. It's been six (6) years and in those 6 years, it's been difficult to have a relationship.

I have tried but I end up destroying the relationship myself or breaking up. I dated people that loved me but I couldn't feel the love. I think I need help! I have been single for a year now and I think it's time to try but I'm not so sure I can handle having a relationship.

Wunmi

Click below to see my response
http://dearbunmi.com/i-was-raped-at-17/

Do you have any relationship questions?
ask@dearbunmi.com

Dear Bunmi,

I am a 34-year-old man and an Engineer. I met a lady 7 months ago and we agreed to marry each other.

Both of our families have grown to love each other and us both, especially our mothers who have not ceased to show their joy about our union. More so, she does all the house chores perfectly.

Two months ago, my fiancé met this young man with three children but divorced. The man offered her a lift after work and I noticed she changed towards me since then.

She is now going out with the man and her parents told me that they have allowed her to marry the man; I don't understand her anymore.

For about a month now, I find it hard to sleep, always thinking about her, begging her and crying like a baby. I don't want die emotionally!

I beg her to please come back even if she was wrong because I don't want to start all over again. I love her please help me. What can I do now?

Adebola
via Email


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http://dearbunmi.com/please-beg-stay/

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Dear Bunmi,

I am 23 years old and my girlfriend always tell me that I am not romantic.

Please teach me how to be more romantic to my girlfriend.

Samtex
Via Facebook

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http://dearbunmi.com/23-year-needs-tip-romantic/

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ask@dearbunmi.com

Dear Bunmi,

Is it advisable to have multiple relationships?
I need to be sure that’s why I’m asking your opinion on this issue.

After my last relationship which ended sometime last year, I’ve decided to move on with my emotions and I need advice as to which is a suitable means to starting a new relationship.

Is it advisable to have multiple relationships and later narrow it down (and risk “some girls” saying you broke their hearts even when you never crossed the “friend zone” with them) or do I start with one and follow her up to a logical end and if things don’t work out (of which possibilities are she’ll still call you a heart breaker), move on?

I need your advice please.

Nadali
Via Email

Click below to see my response
http://dearbunmi.com/multiple-relationships/

Do you have any relationship questions?
ask@dearbunmi.com

Dear Bunmi,

I don't know how to love.

I just clocked 30 and I feel I am lagging out in love. I don't know how to fall in love. Though I have had couple of relationships in school during my service year and presently still in a relationship of five years of which I don't feel attractions nor longing towards her.

I felt maybe because it is a long distance relationship and we only see once in a while, but, we just kept it there.

Sometimes I feel it's because I didn't grow with my mum I tend to steer clear of having close female friends as I tend to be easily attached but I feel something is really wrong.

I am okay in almost everything but talking about relationships or love, I know there is definitely something wrong.

Please, I am really confused, what should I do?

Olamie
via Email

Click below to see my response
http://dearbunmi.com/30-dont-know-love-woman/

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Dear Bunmi,

There is this girl I love, and she loves me in return.

We hang around together, read and do almost every thing together, but, she has refused to date me because she’s a year older than me even though she still shows me love and wants to be around me.

When I talk about relationship, she's not happy and never wants to talk about it. I really don't know what to do, please help me.

Diamond
via Email

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http://dearbunmi.com/older-want-still/

Do you have any relationship questions?
ask@dearbunmi.com

Dear Bunmi,

Please, I really really need your counseling as regards my relationship.
I've been in a serious relationship with a girl which I think could lead to marriage.
She is currently in her final year in school at Edo State; I work in Lagos.

I recently found out that she has cheated on me with two different guys last year.
She has begged me for forgiveness also asking her family and friends to beg me, but, I am heart broken and devastated.
I have invested so much in this relationship, how do I build another?
Please, I need your counsel because I am really confused.

Will a cheater ever change if forgiven?
Can we still make anything meaningful from this relationship anymore?
Please ma, I need your wise counsel.

Thanks in anticipation

Ogieva
Via [url]www.facebook.com/dearbunmi
[/url]

Click below to see my response
www.dearbunmi.com/cheated-two-different-guys/

Do you have any relationship questions?
ask@dearbunmi.com

Dear Bunmi,

I know this is not a dating site but I feel I can get an ideal woman through your column.
I am in my late 20s and not working for now.
I live in Akwa Ibom and the lady can come from anywhere.
Kindly link me up please.
Thanks

Joshua
Via www.facebook.com/dearbunmi

Click below to see my response
www.dearbunmi.com/unemployed-need-ideal-woman/

Do you have any relationship questions?
ask@dearbunmi.com

Dear Bunmi,

I’m a 23 year old guy, tall and handsome but all my life, I notice that I have never been in a relationship.

I have tried a number of times but it just seems not to work out.

I am beginning to wonder if something is wrong with me.

MICHEAL
Via www.facebook.com/dearbunmi

Click below to see my response
http://dearbunmi.com/dear-bunmi-relationship/

Do you have any relationship questions?
ask@dearbunmi.com

Dear Bunmi,

There is a particular girl, I have a crush on her, that has lasted for two years now.

I would say it’s so deep that I literally know everything about her, but she has no idea of this.

I'm just afraid that if I tell her what I feel for her she might really take it for-granted, or worse, play on my emotions. I'm an introvert whose internal emotions matters much.

So, how do I get over this crush stuff, because I literally wake up every morning with her on my mind. Its disturbing my academics too.

Praise
By Email

Click below to see my response
http://dearbunmi.com/crush-im-shy/

Do you have any relationship questions?
ask@dearbunmi.com

Dear Bunmi,

For close to five years of my life now. I have being into chronic masturbation. I come from a christian background which makes me feel bad after each act. I have tried every possible advice on the internet but nothing. Just after a month I return to my very old self.I visit porn site a lot which might contribute to the masturbation.But is masturbation really bad? And if so how bad?I would like to hear from you soon. Thanks

Champraise
By Email

ask@dearbunmi.com
http://dearbunmi.com/i-cant-quit-masturbating/

Dear Bunmi,

I have always known Abiodun, but never saw him has someone I will ever have a close relationship with. Recently he contacted me and claimed he has been looking for me in the last 2 years. I am in a relationship with someone else who I love dearly and our relationship is leading to marriage as he has proposed. Abiodun finally made contact with me & now he claims he is also in a relationship, but he keeps bothering me saying he loves me and that I am his girlfriend. The only mistake I did was to chat/video call him on IMO, which led to showing he more private thing than necessary. I really need to get him of my system as he is becoming unnecessary annoying with more demand of wanting to see more on IMO. Please advise.

Teddy

By Email

---

Dear Teddy,

There is no point in giving attention to what this “distractor” has to say. It’s high time you put your foot down and let him know you’re engaged to be married. Cut every tie or connection that would allow this back and forth conversation continue, and if he finds other means of reaching you simply ignore him. He would get tired of doing this.

If he persist on not letting you be, discuss this with your husband to be and ensure he knows every detail of what’s going on. Just incase, this “distractor” resorts to blackmail you.

Bunmi

ask@dearbunmi.com
http://dearbunmi.com/help/

Dear Bunmi,

I have a female friend in school and we got really close. She tells me virtually everything about herself. She met this man sometime back in school when she was broke, the man offered to help her out in return for sex, after a while she agreed.

The problem now is, since the man started having sex with her, she is unable to have sex with anyone else even if she wants to. Whenever the man calls her, she is unable to tell him she is no longer interested. The man at times during sex removes condom without her knowledge. Please what do you advice she does?

The last time she went there in January to tell him she is no longer interested, they ended up having sex.
The man has also stopped giving her money for a while now. Please your advice is urgently needed.

Temitayo

By E-mail

---

Dear Temitayo,

It is very important at this stage to let your friend know that she has to put a stop to this act once and forall.

Asides from the dangers of being infected by sexually transmitted diseases, she is also risking the possibility of her getting pregnant for a man she clearly is not in love with as she started her relationship with him based on financial benefits in the first place.

It's better off she ignores his calls completely, doesn't visit him anymore for any reason and as well get herself preoccupied with her academics and extracurricular activities in school.

She needs to seek the help of a professional health counsellor who deals with confidential matters like this at a health centre and find out how she can get immediate attention and tests for any form of STDs she may have contracted.

Let her know you will always be there for her to confide in. I commend you for the desire to help, that's what friendship is all about.

Bunmi

ask@dearbunmi.com
http://dearbunmi.com/help-friend-cant-get-away-man/

Dear Bunmi,

I am a Nigerian young lady in my 30’s and I reside in one of the Asian countries. My problem is I always feel pain during sex and this has been going on for many years, a friend asked me to write you so that you could be of help. My believe was that this is what every woman goes through, until she told me i needed help, I’ll really much appreciate your kind advice…thanking you in anticipation.
Rofiatu
By e-mail

---

Dear Rofiatu,

Feeling pain during sex is quite unusual and something you should have had a check up on at a health centre when it started. The pain could possibly be a sign of vaginal infection. Please kindly visit any health centre close to you and log in this complaint, so they could run some tests and find out what is wrong with you before it gets out of hands.

Bunmi

ask@dearbunmi.com
http://dearbunmi.com/feel-pain-sex/

Dear Bunmi,

Recently, my boyfriend and I were discussing what would really turn us on. For years Ive had this fantasy of a rough sex with a really macho man. Ive had one or two meaningful relationships, but the men Id met were not really macho. Least of all, my current boyfriend whos somehow weedy! Now he wants us to act out my fantasy, but his physique wont turn me on in that way. How can I put him off!

Dejoke,

by e-mail.

---

Dear Dejoke,

Fantasy isnt reality. So you dont need your boyfriend to be a genuinely strong man to act out your sexy dreams. Simply close your eyes and pretend. You never know he may be more powerful than he looks! But if youre really sure this wont work, explain to him that although you like to fantasise when youre alone, you dont need or want to act it out. That will let you off the hook and spare your feelings.

Bunmi



ask@dearbunmi.com
http://dearbunmi.com/help-fantasy-rough-sex-macho-man/

Dear Bunmi,

I got married two years ago when I hadnt completely fallen out of love with my ex-girlfriend. I met my wife on the rebound after my ex left me for another man. But the relationship didnt work out and shes started ex-mailing me. My wife is kind, gentle and good company but I now realize that my ex is the love of my life. My marriage is currently childless. What should I do?

Smart,

by e-mail.

---

Dear Smart,

Before you do anything rash, like throwing away your marriage, stop and think about your real feelings for your ex. Its easy to look back at a past relationship with rose-tinted glasses, but she was the one who chose to finish with you and must have had her reason, which may well still exist. I would try to make your marriage work, if I were you. Dont rush back to your ex without being sure shes not also settling for you on the rebound. What happens if what she considers a better option shows up again?

Bunmi

ask@dearbunmi.com
http://dearbunmi.com/my-wife-or-my-ex/

Dear Bunmi,

I’m 23, a graduate and currently looking for a job. I’m in a relationship which is six months old. We stay in the same state but different towns. I’m also keeping an open mind about the relationship since I don’t know if he is serious or not. (Please correct me if I’m wrong). There’s this guy who has been asking me out. He’s 30.I met him in 2014 where I was working before I left for national youth service though we were not close. In March this year, my former boss called me to help her out with some work. He was was actually heading the team though the work lasted for five days. That’s when we got talking and eventually became close. He’s very eloquent, open and fun to be with. I told him I’m seeing someone and he said he doesn’t care. Apart from that, I’ve heard the way he talks about his past girlfriends among his colleagues at work, making jest of their features, and so on. I don’t have that ‘tall, slim, big, breasts’ feature of his ideal girl. I told him I wasn’t his type of girl though he didn’t understand what I meant, so we should keep things the way they are. He also has a six years old son. He had him when he was in his first year. He says he doesn’t plan to have further relationship with his baby mama, said they are incompatible. Presently, he says he doesn’t have any girlfriend. I’m writing you because, in as much as I’m afraid of getting intimate with him, I’m also afraid I might be falling for him. We see everyday except he travels. I’ve been to his house a couple of times and when he attempts to kiss me, I refused. The last time I was at his place, he asked me to sleep over but I refused. What if he’s a player and the whole thing is a bet among his colleagues? I’m saying this because I’m not the first person he’s trying to date from the workplace. I don’t want to make a fool of myself.

Amie,

By Email

---

Dear Amie,

From your observation, it is obvious you really know he isn’t the type of man you should be jumping into bed with, but you really want a reaffirmation that you are making the right choice.

Despite keeping an open mind with whoever you think might be a good fit to be in a relationship with, it is really important to remind yourself that people don’t change overnight. It’s a process and from what you have said about him, that man hasn’t begun that process. You have a long and bright future ahead of you, focus right now on building yourself by finding your next job and your love life with the man you’re currently with. This guy is trouble… Steer clear!

Bunmi


http://dearbunmi.com/hes-a-playboy/
ask@dearbunmi.com

Dear Bunmi,

My boss is 22 years older than I am and is married. Hes always laughing and flirting with the women in the office, including me. Then, towards the end of last year, his behaviour towards me changed. Whenever he hugged me, he would hold on for a moment too long. He also started sending me e-mails telling me personal things. I told myself he didnt mean anything by it, but at an official party last Christmas, he put his hand up my dress. The following week, he called me into his office and told me that he was unhappy with my work. He said that if I didnt improve, Id lose my job. My work has never been called into question before and Im very upset. Do I try to talk to my boss about what happened or should I just report him to personnel?

Miriam

by e-mail.

---

Dear Miriam,

Id be wary of reporting him. Once you do, theres no going back. Though he shouldnt be allowed to get away with this abuse of office and sexual harassment, you want to tackle this problem with a clear head. If you have to resort to reporting him, go to personnel armed with any evidence, such as e-mails. You may find it isnt the first such complaint theyve had. Why not try talking to him first and see if it gets you anywhere? If it doesnt, then report him.

Bunmi
ask@dearbunmi.com
http://dearbunmi.com/boss-tried-UnCloth-report-personnel/

Dear Bunmi,

I met a guy and he wants me as his bit on the side. I am over 25 and haven’t been able to find a suitable boyfriend for close to two years now and I feel sexually frustrated. A few months ago, I met a man at work and I was immediately attracted to him. One Saturday morning he turns up in my flat and we had mind-blowing sex! Soon after, he got a better job and relocated outside Lagos. He confessed when he called that he now lives with his girlfriend but made it clear that he still fancies me. I don’t want to break up the relationship with him but if he’s hell-bent on being unfaithful, why shouldn’t it be with me when I want him so badly?

Tara,

by e-mail.

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Dear Tara,

Don’t even think about it! This man is living with someone else. Popping round one morning for a quickie is no basis whatsoever for any kind of satisfactory relationship. Nothing is purely physical. You’re both human beings with hearts, soul and all sorts of emotions. Don’t imagine you can indulge sexually without your feelings becoming involved. This is a recipe for a heartache and heartbreak, for you and for him. Why not spend some time looking inwards? Try working out the reason why you haven’t had a boyfriend in two years. Pin down the problem and apply your energy to finding a man of your own instead of tinkering with someone else’s!

Bunmi

ask@dearbunmi.com
http://dearbunmi.com/wants-bit-side/

Dear Bunmi,

I have been married for three years and we have a daughter. I have been secretly seeing one of my husbands friends for the past six months though he is also married. We have a sexual relationship and love each other so much. But I feel bad because this man is a better lover than my husband. As a result, I have not had sex with my husband for weeks. I know that this is a wrong thing to do, but Im very happy this way. Why?

Dorothy,

by e-mail.

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Dear Dorothy,

Because you have no morals, no scruples, no conscience and no common sense. It is clear that you have no respect for your husband, his friendship or your marriage vows. You may think you are happy now, but the joy will evaporate when your husband finds out about your affair. Sexual compatibility is important in a marriage, but it takes a lot more than good sex to make a long, mutually rewarding relationship. Dont throw away a good future for you and your kid for a sexual fling. By the way, why did you marry your husband in the first place?

Bunmi

http://dearbunmi.com/he-satisfies-me-more-than-my-husband/
ask@dearbunmi.com

Dear Bunmi,

I am in my late twenties, a decent looking man with a decent job. Unfortunately, my experience with women wants to put me off the dating scene. They all seem like scheming gold diggers to me. I get a first date with them, but as soon as they learn of what I do and how much I earn, they dont want to know and look bored with the whole thing. Surely, not all women want multi-millionaires?

Joel, by e-mail.

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Dear Joel,

Its true there are more than a few gold-diggers out there, but most men Ive heard complain of this are using it as an excuse to hide a few obvious mistakes. First, if youre hunting at venues that are crawling with really sophisticated women, then chatting up some girls at a friendlier surrounding will solve your problem instantly. Second, what type of girls do you fancy? If youre attracted to a bimbo rather than going for intelligence and personality, I can see why youre having problems. Finally, think about what you do on the first date. If youre funny, kind attentive and affectionate, I cant see a girl ditching you just because you dont earn enough. Are you sure the problem is money-grabbling women and not that the women you meet always look bored because youre a bit boring yourself?!

Bunmi

ask@dearbunmi.com
http://dearbunmi.com/women-want-money/
Bunmi

Dear Bunmi,

My 25-year-old girlfriend is 10 years younger than me. I have noticed that her sex drive is stronger than mine, but Im a bit concerned about how much she masturbates. We live together and I caught her recently masturbating when I came home earlier than expected in the night. She admitted she masturbates at least once a day. This is on top of the sex she has with me (about four times a week). Is this normal? Does it mean Im not satisfying her? She says I am and she just likes doing it, but Im not sure I believe her.

Dejo,

by e-mail

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Dear Dejo,

Shes right and youre better off believing her! In one major survey nine out of 10 women over 18 admitted to masturbating. Its natural- so natural that it is believed humans are not the only females of the animal kingdom who do it. Female horses, cows, dolphins, cats, monkeys and baboons have all been seen to play with their clitorises or rub their genitals against things, especially when in heat. Its perfectly normal for your girlfriend to masturbate everyday or even several times a day, and its also fine to masturbate less or not at all! Your girlfriend seems honest enough to say the truth and I believe if she wasnt satisfied by the sex you were having she would have told you. So, assuming shes not doing anything abnormal like staying off-work to do it or has an array of vibrators, relax and be proud of a girlfriend who enjoys sex and is not scared to let you know she does!

Bunmi

ask@dearbunmi.com
http://dearbunmi.com/caught-girlfriend-masturbating

Dear Bunmi,

Im a secretary in love with her married boss. Ive worked with him a couple of years now and hes 21 years older than me. This might sound like a cliche, but I have these gut feelings we have a real connection. love Apart from the official lunches we attend together, he also takes me to lunch from time to time. Once or thrice, hes even taken me to his club for drinks. I dont want to be responsible for breaking up a marriage, but this looks like my one chance to be happy. I feel more for this man than I have for anyone else in a long time. Do you think I should take the risk and take things further?

Annie,

by e-mail

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Dear Annie,

Why do you believe this is your one chance of being happy? Are you under the impression theres a massive shortage of men? Its true some men do leave their wives for women with whom they live happier lives. But a majority have the affair with their hot, young and eager secretaries, stay married and when the secretary starts to make too much noise about them leaving, fire her and get a new one. This man hasnt even said a thing yet about getting it on with you, leaving his wife or even making you a second wife! He isnt your one chance for happiness but a one-way ticket to misery. If working with this man is too much temptation, you might be better off looking for another job.

Bunmi

ask@dearbunmi.com
http://dearbunmi.com/married-man-makes-happy/