₦airaland Forum

Sweetplum:
Bros. If you v married before and your wife divorced you or you just v a baby mama.
Can a single lady marry you?
Knowing that you baby mama or ex wife may come back to you.
How ll you deal with such stigma from women?

I don't see the stigma at all. If a man is ready and has the resources, he is at complete liberty to approach any woman for marriage.

Sweetplum:
Don't mind the wicked man. Your wife that you married as tear rubber can do the same thing.
If you love the woman, marry her. Her child is your child so you v no problem.

Big cap! Can you approve the same for your son or brothers? Please stop with the manipulation already, in general, single moms are a big NO for marriage.

MrBrownJay1:
unlike you guys, i dont have to marry a woman to be with her. we can be together for a few years, and then part ways and i go for another woman and she goes for another man. this has nothing to do with a singlemotherhood but all to do with my own desire in life. as i have always said on NL, i dont believe in marriage, and dont believe that you need to marry someone in order to be with them....the last single mother i was with, we lived together for almost 2 yrs.



virginity is just that....a toto that has been penetrated yet. now let us all remember that the value of women is not based on virginity... yes it ADDS to her value, but the value of a good woman certainly isnt founded on her virginity. a disrespectful/evil woman attached to an untouched coochie is worthless, same with a babe who had sex with dogs and ate shiit but is a virgin.... so as much as many men put value on virginity (to each their own), never forget that a woman's CHARACTER will have more weight than her untouched coochie!

Thanks for the exposition, I almost thought you had a leg to stand on. You seem like the product of failed parenting. Better for you to stay out of marriage as it seems you have no set of values by which you live by.

It's not a surprise that your solace is with women less sought after and possibly with diminished sexual market value. Your role is akin to that of a vulture in the human ecosystem, recycling and eating dead matters. Enjoy it!

marvy69:
Pls what about woman with two kids,can someone marry her if she is serious

O boy, no try am o. Ah, ah, which levels nah, women don scarce like that? Have some respect for yourself and your family.

frozen70:
I never mentioned the neglect of father's at home neither do I compare the roles of both parents

Since you are finding it difficult to understand simple details

Am done with your arguments

Yawns!!!

MrBrownJay1:
what qualities a single woman has that is "exclusive" to them (aka that a single mother cannot possess) apart from virginity but that aint a quality....??!?



as much as your English is great, you are saying nothing valid to this issue. you are now placing your misplaced ego in the way of your common sense. as much as a baby daddy can certainly have contact with his child/baby momma, that person has NO VALID leverage upon the r/ship you have with babymomma. so i dont know what circumstances you are talking about, but its evident that you are talking from an insecure man point of view....therefore you are looking down on a woman because of the possible unforessen circumstances that may or not ever happen. that would be as foolish as me saying that i wont drive a car because many have died in car accidents. highly stupid wouldnt you say?!



kai, come on bro....the above is far fetched. been with countless of single mothers, and can only say great things about them. just like there are great single women out there, there are bad single women out there, and same goes for single mothers.

You claim that you have been with single women and they are great for you, so why haven't you married one yet. It's very naive for you to say virginity is not a quality for a woman. On the contrary, it adds very much to a woman's sexual market value. It may be well be the case that you enjoy slack vagina, but you must accept that such a taste makes for an oddity in the general population of men. Make it make sense.

frozen70:
A mother is the real politician of every family

She knows what's good for the family

That is not true and you offer yourself cheaply as the greatest disclaimer to that position. Women pander to emotions, therefore are not equipped to lead. Any home without a father is mostly a reckless one. I'll forever put my faith in men to continue to lead civilization.

frozen70:
Whatever rocks his boat, all I want is a peaceful marriage

Lols! I pray to God his father will be around in this critical phase of his life. Left to you, that boy child is in grave danger of misguidance.

Kai, children really need their fathers.

frozen70:
What goes around comes around
If you are a single father, are you forbidden to get a woman

This is a different dynamic. Men approach women for marriage and not the other way round. Given that a man is the provider, he is free to approach any lady of his choice. It's up to the lady to accept or decline.

We cannot say the same about single mom. If you raise your own son and send him to school. Would you be happy for him to bring home a single mom for marriage? Please try to be realistic.

MrBrownJay1:
i have absolutely NO DISCRIMINATION towards single mothers because i do believe that being a single mother doesnt make a woman a bad person nor does it makes that woman a future bad wife nor a future bad mother, therefore why should i/we discriminate against a woman with a child?!

being with a single moher is 10x better than being with one of them fancy single ones you see out there, who go to Dubai every weekend that may have been fukced by dogs and eating excrements.


and whats so wrong about that?! its not like he is gonna continue fukc your wife or sleep in your bed, is it?! remember, you are just a "surrogate" father at best to this child, and nothing more. dont try to play "captain save a child" here as this is NOT your child. so whether he has a father still alive (or not) is irrelevant here. sadly, your misplaced ego is giving you funny thoughts and you are so insecure that you believe that the baby daddy could come anytime and just tell your woman to :"lets go" and she will just follow the yeye dude. come on!



come on now.... even with your biological child and his mother, you could suffer the same above fate... so instead of telling us stories, why dont you guys tell us EXACTLY What you are scared about?!?!?



many women out there may "seem" that they have no baggage but they will carry more load than a single mother (all them Dubai sista that are all fancy and beautiful but get mounted by dog and eat shiiit). again, you guys are not being honest about what really is bothering you with this single mother issue....because it is obvious, the flimsy excuses you all give here on this thread doesnt sound valid....especially when good women are scarce in 9ja.

You have no clue. You assume single moms could have great qualities that are completely exclusive for single ladies. How does that even work? Lols

frozen70:
At least he wasn't forced to start

Can you recommend the same for your brother? Please answer the damn question.

frozen70:
Tell them in which ever way it's left for you to convince them that she is the one that will make life happier with

No way! Don't preach this myth to a brother lost in emotions. Would say the same if he were to be your biological brother?

There are tons of ladies out there who will make him far happier. By all means, begin your own family as opposed to a pre-rolled one. Who dash monkey banana

mcdokwe:
It is left to be seen how you 'discipline' the child. Do you do it with love? Do you discipline your own kids if you have any in equal measures?

Argh! Pele ti e. Ba mi na omo mi, ko de inu olomo. Get a Yoruba person to translate for you.

MrBrownJay1:
you made plenty of sense and then you wrote the above... are you saying that a woman who had a child for some dude and then they parted ways, will always let that man mount her?! do you see how insecure it is of you to claim the above?! even you yourself, some babe got pregnant for you and you didnt want the child, would you even want to have sex with her again?!?!? come on bro!

the above you wrote says a lot about the weak insecure mindset of some men...so because she had sex with someone before, you are so insecure that you believe that she can never love you and be faithful to you ever. thats he will always be drawn to the bastard who may have abandonned/dropped her etc.... thats deep! no wonder men are running away from these single mothers!

Seems like you are out to do PR stunts for single moms. If you have a son would you approve of him to marry one? I'm not saying there's anything intrinsically bad about single moms, but please answer the question why any man should choose a single mom over ladies without kids.

MrBrownJay1:
you have to understand that many men have misplaced egos thus they will always look down on a single mother because they will always believe that they are competing for her love with that child, not understanding that its two different things. some would even tell you that this woman will always love and/or go back to baby daddy bla bla bla (how insecure is that?)... also, i wont even talk on theo ones whose ego is so bruised, they only see her child as a confirmation that she had a life before she met them.

Nothing in your posts suggests even the remotest connection to reality. It's either you are very naive or you just wish to be disingenuous.

It's a well established fact that women divert attention to kids as against their husband. If this is the reality of many fathers, tell me how it could not be potentially worse in the case of marriage to a single mom.

Granted, a few single moms may find men who would commit to them for the long-term but don't try to misinform the public of the likely risk that could crystallize. Marrying a single mom will never be a first cause of action for anyone.

MistarT:
Please candid opinions will be appreciated. Thanks.

Itwill do humanity great good, if we hear from marriage counsellors with wide range of experiences, thanks.

It should be a complete NO for a young person, given as there are many single ladies without kids to pick from. Widowers, divorcees or the old may wish to consider.

I understand that life happens to us all, but as a rule of thumb I would advise men to run away from ladies with kid(s) where marriage is the subject of conversation.

DarlingtonC:
So I have this married neighbour. When I bought my bus, he didn't congratulate me. He just asked me if the bus is mine, and I said yes, and he just walked away.

Now he wants me to lend him the bus to use and pack some of his belongings out of the compound.

If you were in my shoes, would you lend him the bus to use?

If it is not blocking for your other businesses, I suggest you lend it to him on a pro bono since you said he doesn't have money to pay. Only make sure you drive it yourself or get someone else you trust to drive it. This is only my guts feeling, it's not based on any fundamental principle.

flokii:
Some fights are not worth it.. if you can get another apartment ASAP, please do. In the meantime you can write through a lawyer that you need time to get another apartment, you can get extra 2-3 months grace.

As a yearly tenant, the law stipulates 6 months eviction notice, 3 months for a half yearly tenant. There's grace period after that, but I suspect it's probably 2 weeks.

Given the surrounding circumstances, it will benefit him to prioritise securing a new accommodation within the notice period. He should execute the move nicely, no need for further altercation in the interest of everyone involved.

As some people have mentioned already, it's an arms length transaction, if the parties thereto decides to be empathetic and put a human face to the deal, that should be taken as a nice bonus. I don't recommend one expects such niceties, it's more likely than not to lead to disappointment.

In closing, Op you have to rein on your fiancee to avoid needless confrontation with people. She needs to develop better sense of awareness and avoid situations that would make things complicated for you in the future. I'm not judging the situation in particular. I just thought you could do with that blanket advice. Please implement as seriously as it applies to you. Cheers!

Kobojunkie:
As someone rightly pointed out, polygamy is not legal in Nigeria.

That's very ignorant. It's correct for registry and probably Christian marriage. Definitely not the case for customary marriage. Marriage under customs allows whatever is possible Under the tradition in which the union was contracted, and that includes polygamy.

chieni:
Just tell the lady from inception before marriage that you have plans of having a second wife. It will save everyone the emotional stress. If she is fine with it, good but if she is not, then marry someone who is also on the same page with you. You can marry 100 self na free world.

I see your point but it's an oversimplification of the issue. No one tells you at the beginning of marriage that they plan to marry another wife later, even if it's legally and culturally permissible. That would be naivety and a dismissal of the danger a woman could be bring armed with such information. You are not looking for full disclosure because you want honesty, instead you want to use the information for ulterior motives.

Prettygirl200:
Godforbid that I will ever be a second wife to any man. And no man born of a woman will bring in another woman into my house. The day I discover my husband is cheating, from that day he stops touching cux I will not Bleep a dick that is being shared with another woman. Peace!!!!

How do you know you are not bleeping one already? I understand your concerns though but the worst you could do is divorce. Therefore, stop using swear words as if you have control over anyone other than probably yourself.

damo2014:
Thanks jare. If I want to sex her as it is raining right now, it's just some seconds of calling...... Am only concerned about the proliferation of our married women's immorality...

You are just being disingenuous. You knew where all this was leading to ab initio. Sell your weak narratives to animals. I dare you to upload your chats here only redact personally identifiable information, so that the world can see how good of a man you are.

RoyalBlu:
What kind of friendship were you seeking with her when you collected her number

And what stopped you from deleting her number when she first deviated from normal chats

Don't mind the guy, he is equally as guilty but thinks he could make it all about the woman.

pansophist:
Actually in forward thinking societies, the institution of marriage have evolved or there are alternatives to legalised union that fits the current time. In Europe generally, there is something called cohabitation. I'll use Sweden as an example since I've lived there. According to Swedish law, there are multiple ways of showing you're in a union with someone, and just living together with shared bills are one of them.

If you want to break off, no need to go through divorce, just move out of the house. No alimony, spousal support, or a woman cashing out big time after divorce. So yea, it depends on the society but as Nigeria, everything is guaranteed to be backwards.

You are correct about the existence of other forms of union other than marriage. What you did not get though, is that women continue to prefer marriage over those other unions even in those climes. This is for the simple fact that marriage affords them better privileges than what any of these unions could.

It's up to the men to take advantage of the opportunities in rules change. Left to women, they'll continue to prefer the comfort of marriage unless where they're more financially and economically empowered than women. This will only be the case for a small amount of women.

DontBullshitMe:
As long as they take supplements to reduce their testosterone levels and other strength, endurance and stamina hormones, I see nothing wrong with it.

Boris Johnson is a very unintelligent man Shaa. He's proven it severally.

I thought you are the clueless one here.

Optimistic4life:
If there is a chance that it can work again between you both, please try.

Please.

Why haven't you taken this route yourself. I know that marriage can be tough but divorce to a large extent is the result of pure ego. Let me advise you, your divorce is not yet finalised, therefore, make a move to mend walls with your husband, unless if he completely rebuffs and is unyielding. Divorce after 3 kids seems like a bad decision in my view.

Quality20:
just go out there and get a man far better than him to marry

After 3 kids? Why don't you offer to marry her? She needs time to understand why she and her ex couldn't keep it together. There are many single beautiful ladies out there, why do you think anyone would prefer a mother of 3 over them.

Of course, there's life after divorce but she should never be under any illusion that things will be easy. If she ends up finding a new committed partner, which is a remote possibility by the way, it would still be a man, never an angel from heaven. The best of men are still men, try to avoid divorce unless if it's practically impossible to do so. I wish you luck.

obembet:
There is questions I want to ask our religion brothers and sisters here..

Please can someone educate me why God allow all this suffering? Watching innocent children suffering, watching wicked man Killing the unharmed people, watch wicked one living longer in wealthy life?

Geni Sani abachi is one the most wicked man we have in this country, after his death, his 4th generation can never be so poor like adenuga or adeleke, look at the wicked people In North sponsor boko Haram and bandits, they are enjoying life, according to the history, Gumi father enjoying life more than anyone in North. Look at Buhari, Putin, Africa slavery... etc. Why God is watching all this people without any action on them. This people nare living longer and leave inheritance for the generations to come

Don't you think wicked are enjoying life then good people?

Please correct me with fact if am wrong.

The problem of evil in the world. By far, the most complicated topic in philosophy.

Sammy101111:
Bro if konji na bastard then hustle hard and marry her an settle down and enjoy your sexually life instead of jumping around with konji make money is the key .

I agree with the hustling advice in your post. However, stop giving young men the impression that marriage will guarantee them enough sex. The reality in many marriages suggest otherwise and that explains why married people, mostly the men, appear to be some of the most sexually starved people you would see.

Based on current realities, ladies are more likely to give sex to you while courting, obviously as a form of enticement. Sex quickly becomes a weapon and tool for manipulation once marriage enters the picture.

tunjijones:
You can imagine someone that went to church to start praying that the boss in the office that is giving her problem to die by fire, am sure you know those kind of pple don't reason normally. I have talked to her several times to no avail.

We see them here everyday. To be fair, people like that can be quite heady because of the indoctrination they receive from their pastors but be that as it may, it's good to engage constructively with your surbodinates before issuing action against them.

For instance, you could have reassured her that you meant well. Find out if the trouble is her location, temporal personal or family issues and try to see if accomodations exist within the policy to cover her in the time being.

It's always good to satisfy yourself that you did the best under the circumstance before you expose your team members.

Bizman305:
The real question is... Why do you want to meet him up when he doesn't feel the same way? Why do you think towards sex immediately while he is concerned about your marital status. Aunty, you got your priority all wrong.
Just two seconds... You are already comparing him to your current husband sexually while the young man is just being respectful.
I hope for your husband's sake, that you aren't missing your ex badly.
You want to meet up yet you claim your husband's satisfys you.
Women!!! Who una kill no dey bleed.

This is actually a good observation. It'd be interesting to hear her response because sometimes women try to make a mockery of their exes sexual prowess just to make them feel bad, even if that may not be true.

That was the case with Tonto, who claimed her ex was a 40 seconds man. In reality, I'd also struggle to understand why a woman would want to meet up with her ex if indeed her husband is fulfilling her sexual needs as she claimed.