₦airaland Forum

ifyalways:
@Coogar,You'd have to assure me that you can perfrom better than DK before i would consider your application.

@Topic,Be it as a religious obligation or just  a case of 'unavailability of choice/option',its no easy feat accepting and sharing someone you love.I have seen Polygamous families that were very peaceful,you can't even tell.I wonder if it's so cos the mindset of the major stakeholders(wives) was already open to accepting Polygamy.They've prepared themseleves for the challenge emotionally.It's safe to say that accepting Polygamy as a woman is more of a "thing of the mind".

My mind no dey dia,i no fit handle am so its not for me.

I understand your point. No woman wants it/ most women dont. But this is something Islam accepts and if only it is well practiced, there should be minimal problems to the wives and kids But majority of our people go into it without the knowledge of its practice nor with what it takes.

coogar
Kibroth Hattaavah
Posts: 3829

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Re: Muslim Women & Polygamy: Would You Tolerate A 2nd Wife?
« #61 on: Today at 15:30:43 »


there's no advantage in polygamy - there's always conflict in the family. women are naturally jealous beings and for that reason, there can never be peace.
most of them smile in public and harbour evil vices in their hearts. some do juju and other metaphysical stunts. this then transcends to the children and so on and so forth.

This is what happens when pple are always thinking of this life. A muslim's aim is to attain paradise. You can live a happy life wv another woman married to ur husband. I believe that- not because I want a polygamous home But am prepared to make myself a happy woman no matter what life presents.

It is a very big misconception thinking polygamy favors men. A man who doesnt treat his wives equally would be raised half paralyzed. Muslims who truly fear Allah keep away as much as they can, knowing so well it is not an easy task.

Everything is a test and polygamy is one, both to the man and the women involved. A woman can become a kafir in the process of trying to hold on to her man and another woman might attain blessings by treating her co wives and their children well.

bhusayor (f)
Nigeria
Posts: 1258

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Re: Muslim Women & Polygamy: Would You Tolerate A 2nd Wife?
« #60 on: Today at 15:30:18 »

This frosbel never makes sound arguements! All he does is to insult the prophet (S.A.W).

Hu cares about what your wife thinks?

Deols, kindly ignore him as its obvious he doesn't see beyond his nose.

i'll do dat henceforth

frosbel (m)
London, UK.
Posts: 4581

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Re: Muslim Women & Polygamy: Would You Tolerate A 2nd Wife?
« #47 on: Today at 15:16:07 »

Once upon a time I asked my wife what she thought of the concept of having to share the same man with another woman, she almost threw up.

Why must the modern world accomodate this stone age behaviour Angry

AH! u'r married. o ga o! I wonder how ur wife copes with ur immature ways. She must be trying gan an ni o.

How is christianity a religion if some parts of it are for the stone age and not relevant now. Someday, some1 will come up to say wat u'r doing now is also of thee stone age. . it moves u towards atheism. do u ever think of dat??

@ mbatuku and brainpulse, i do not ignore people no matter how silly I think there possts are. But, I hope I can educate you when the thread isnt accommodating all and sundry as it is at the moment.


I seriously dislike the home page.It only allows  Trolls to come  display their IGnorance .

bhusayor:
[size=15pt]Is polygamy a must for every man? NO!

Does being a polygamist make one a saint? NO!

Is every muslim man a Polygamist\intending polygamist? NO

Y'all should just chill![/size]

I wonder how that is hard to understand

coogar:
can i honestly tell you i have not fornicated? who hasn't? and how does that affect the price of fish in the market?
the point is - when you see women in hijab, they want people to think they are holy which means they shall be judged severely if found wanting than the mini-skirt muslim sisters.

oh I havent. No, they dont want you to think anything. You assume they do.

I said it once on this forum of the stereotype people have concerning Muslims. Some people wouldnt even have a conversation with you cos ur hijab makes them see u as probably dumb or uneducated. I have wowed many people on different occassions and am proud of that. Still, I dont want you to think nothing beyond that am a Muslim- hope u gerrit.

Now, what gives some1 who has himself committed fornication the chance to judge others. You have, does that make it a christian value? that is my point. Never judge Islam by the actions of some Muslims.

am fine o jare. ow are u too

mbatuku2:
There is nothing like 4 wives only in Islam. What happens is being allowed to upgrade 4 members of a man's harem(combination of 'wives' and concubines) to 'wives' status.

I can only pity you! smh

frosbel:
This has been open since morning dear sister

Why then did you av to post this link there. Anyways, nice tactics. I only wish u'd read to understand once in a while rather than the forever intent of criticizing. and how come am a sis. e jo o.

brainpulse:
Pls lets think about it. How will you as a man satisfy the attention of 4 women at a time always and the others will not be jealous. It leads to chaos, most men that i see keeps these ladies as girlfriends. Then if the lady takes in, the man then has no option than to marry her. Then to my question, What was the very first act commited outside the marriage? Adultery. Which was the act the Glorious Books says they should avoid by marrying more than one wife? Then the man unleashes another 3,
4 and underground runs. the first wife is now neglected, her husband attention is now divided among 3 others, The books says she must be happy with it whether she likes it or not then she says it is her destiny.

this is what happens when you dont read previous posts before commenting. A man doesnt have to marry four wives but he is allowed to.

Your point is the type I should ignore but I c in you someone who needs tutoring. Adultery is a great sin in Islam. Something Islam would never condone. So, the people you see are wrong and their act, unislamic.

the heat was too much for you on the other thread that you had to come here

coogar:
don't let those hijabs deceive you.
i have been to the north and the immorality rate in those states makes a mockery of babylon in the bible.

and just like dat, many of dem lived in the north. Just to prove d hausas wrong they invent lies. Do u care to tell us the brothel u were visiting? and again, can u honestly compare the rate with the one you see in the south??

Point is, the rate is still very less anywhere Islam is practiced. can you honestly tell us you have never committed fornication? and you would be representing christianity by your statement.

dats how it was written. the writer combined both

[quote author=Okija_juju link=topic=792568.msg9452163#msg9452163 date=1320071258]You know, that would be a fair statement if the second, third and fourth wives of most polygamous Muslim men are widows or divorcees, but they arent. These women are young, often underage girls that are married against their will.[/quote]you are right about the above but in d case of the woman who gets what she wants only because of this process?? take the example of what Ibrosaunks said-

The both ladies I was telling you about are not even up to 20. The one who is a 3rd wife cried to me when her father concluded plans of marrying her off to this rich muslim business man.

Many people make the mistake of confusing cultural practices with iSLAM. A woman's consent must be sought in an Islamic setting before she can be married. There are yoruba Muslims to look at but many prefer the hausas as examples.

Female genital cutting for example is prevalent in Northern Nigeria and so is it in the south. While many equate that of the north with Islam, they take the southern one as cultural. You can always come to this section to hear what enlightened Muslims have to say in relation to their religion rather than what the press says or what the bigoted christians want proclaimed.

[quote author=Okija_juju link=topic=792568.msg9452104#msg9452104 date=1320070745]I'm sorry dear, but Its not like that. I just make them feel good, give them the attention their husbands fail to give them. And moreover, I knew both of them before they were forced into marriage. Atimes most women who cheat on their husbands dont do it because they are being sexually starved,  but cos they are emotionally neglected by their husbands, and thats where I come in.

I dont like it but if I dont do it, some other punk would just take advantage of them.[/quote]That is a point actually. If the man wouldnt be there for their needs, why marry them. I hope they are aware of their right to divorce. What is the essence of marriage if they have to seek an Okija man for their emotional troubles.

*how come u know two of the women married to d same man. Am I to believe you

MAny single men would not marry divorced or widowed women. thay may be left with no one to take care of them or marry them. But Islam finds a way to protect them by Endorsing polygamy.

brainpulse:
I believe what the Glorious Book should have laid emphases on is Discipline and it shouldn't have encouraged polygamy for any so call reasons at all, saying that is the nature of man. It is a pure lie from the pit of hell sold by the devil. Once you tell God to help you with discipline you will find it easy and nice as a man. A man of will and discipline is strong and will withstand any act of adulterous life.

wat is d definition of discipline. the problem wv many of u is dat u do not read to understand but to criticise. I mentioned in a previous post that it is not all about the s3x. A man wv two wives who keeps to them only is also disciplined or is he not?

and despite that ur holy book emphasised discipline, are christians not promiscuous?? Are u a virgin or were u one at ur marriage??(if u are married) feel free to answer one. Or av pastors not been seen violating children??

frosbel:
This is just plain disgusting behaviour.

While Jesus was preoccupied with saving mankind and taking us to a higher plane of holiness and moral ethic, Mo ( PBUH ) was busying marrying 13 wives including a 9 year old.

Why was a Holy man preoccupied with SEX.

For muslim women to degrade themselves by accepting such madness is just unbelievable in this day and age.

And please don't start quoting bible verses about what happened 5000 years ago, we are in the 21st century for goodness sakes ||

SMH

would you be like jesus and not marry?

You are not eve ashamed of yourself that you choose a part of the bible and ignore others. Well, Jesus spoke of the end times- now u only take the part that suits you.

In reality, every1 knows if the laws of the Qur'an are followed and men cohabit with only the women their hands possess, the world would be free of many of these sexually transmitted infections.

QUeen Amina of Zaria too- I love powerful Women

nokia3310:
@ aloy/emeka i don't seems to understand why you are obsessed with Islam, there are so many issues regarding Christianity that you should have channel your energy to resolve, even as you are here criticizing Islam's Support of polygamy, the Pope and other Rev. Fathers all over world, are violating little girls in the name of your religion (Christianity)! A religion that is so short sighted to have recognized the fact that men are created weak and therefore its practically impossible for an able bodied man/woman to have spend a lifetime without having a intimate relation with the opposite sex.
For e.g. How do you convinced a sane person that Pope John Paul Died a virgin or that Benedict has never sleep with a woman over these years. So i don't think its a matter of Islam laying so much emphasis on sex rather its a matter of facing the reality.

exactly. Dont mind them. they are talking discipline when many of them, have slept with countless number of boy friends without being married.

toba:
who or what gave u such notion as to polygamy meaning to be a tool against adultery?

do u realise that polygamists are still adulterous? So find something better to say to justify your point

fact is, a muslim Man doesnt need an excuse to go into polygamy. It may not be for the s3x nd it cld be. But, he has to compulsory follow certain rules.

for example, If he cant satisfy them in any way, whether as a man, or financially or in any other way, he is not to practice it. But once he can, the ball is in his court.

s3x is not the only justification for polygamy. After all, no matter how much a woman wants it, she can only have a man.

[quote author=Okija_juju link=topic=792568.msg9451903#msg9451903 date=1320068971]I have these two muslim chicks who are married as second and third wives. They confess to me how they dont like it and feel neglected but they cant complain. So I step in to male them feel good every now and again!![/quote]I hope their husband find you ut soon. disgusting behavior

hmmmn. . .lol

[quote author=aloy/emeka link=topic=792568.msg9446626#msg9446626 date=1319986245]There is no rather here because it broods bad behavior for him. Your statement above is a testimony of helplessness and a decision to choose the 2nd best option. I put it to you that you will prefer him having you as the only wife and will not like any competition from another woman. Scared of HIV and other STD's?. You think all the muslim polygamists have enough harem that will prevent them from sleeping around?. It's not your fault because Islam thinks that the sin of adultery and fornication can be controlled with multiple wives.[/quote]you asked a question and you are giving the answer. You could just av made d topic 'wat aloy/emeka thinks of polygamy'. what bad behaviour are u talking about. asking if I would accept polygamy leaves out the option of a monogamy. So the other option(d only 1 I cld compare it with) is definitely of the adulterer claiming monogamy.

[quote author=aloy/emeka link=topic=792568.msg9446644#msg9446644 date=1319986602]Why compare only that two?.  How about a faithful husband with one wife compared to a randy husband with many wives and concubines like Abiola?.Was Abiola not a loyal muslim with 4 wives but wasn't he sleeping around?. What of Sani Abacha and his escapades with women?. I don't believe some muslims are still delusional enough to believe that polygamy will stop a man from being randy.[/quote]ehn ehn? nd when did Abiola become the model for Muslims. How about the many polygamous christians even though christianity doesnt allw that? hypocrisy at play! I just wonder how you all can not argue on the basis of what is presented rather than bringing illogical comparisons. How about the many Muslims who have four wives with the whole family happy and doing well

@ op,I didnt have enough time to answer you properly yesterday. Thank God for today, here's my better reply. I know so well that your aim is only to bring up sentiments and never to learn. But thank you for your many posts cos they have the effect of helping us(Muslims) educate one another and search more for some unclear ones to us.

As a pious muslim woman who has worked hard with your husband  to build a very prosperous family, how will you feel if he brings another woman home as a second wife?.

who says the home can not continue to be prosperous with another woman. The reason for most of the problems women have with polygamy is the i no go gree method they start with. I know well enough that no matter the not 'greeing', it happens in most cases. why not have it in mind that the other woman is coming to add her own goodness and together you may all be fine.

Truthfully, do you feel jealous that he is in your matrimonial bedroom with another woman on top of the bed you bought while cold is killing you in the guest bedroom?. OR do you feel very happy that your husband is marrying a 2nd wife and will gleefully accept her?

obviously, u av no knowledge of wat u'r talkn about. why would the first wife be sent to the guest room. when another woman comes in, her space is created and not like she takes the first wife's room. Of course i would accept her for the one reason that Islam accepts it.

If you have your way, will you stop him from taking a second wife even though he is doing it according to the will of Allah or are you scared of violating Allah's will?.

Monogamy is the rule! polygamy is an exception in Islam. I know many people get that wrong.

yes I do wear hijab.

I saw this on facebook. .wat d'u think

1. How do you breathe?

Through my nose, duh. It’s fabric, it’s made to allow air to pass through it.

2. How do you eat/drink?

Like you do. With my mouth. It’s hidden beneath fabric, I know. However, it still exists and I can find my way quite easily to it, thank you very much!

3. You must be really oppressed by the men in your family.

I am a dual degree holder. I have studied in co-education schools and worked at a software house. I teach at a private sector university and I drive all over the city. If you still think I am oppressed, I am the happiest oppressed person alive.

4. Oh, you can think?

Unfortunately for you, yes, I think. My hijab is not a lead box designed to store radioactive elements. It does not bind my mind. I think, I process information and I also form opinions. A hijab does not warp me into a mentally incapable being.

5. Why do you need to buy clothes other than your gowns and hijabs?

Because there are places where I do take my hijab and gown off. Do you think I roam around my own house like this? Just because I am not showing my clothes to everyone does not mean I don’t need them. I love pretty clothes and I wear them for me.

6. You must have been married by 14 and must be staying home looking after your six children, right?

Wrong. I am happily single, pursuing a career, unlike some who willingly got married in their 3rd year of MBBS, dropped out of your degree and chose to stay home. Even though I might not be better than you, I am not any less than you either just because I cover my face.

7. Don’t you feel hot in the summer?

Don’t you feel hot in summer? It’s 48 degrees out there – everyone feels hot in this weather.

8. Since you are dressed like this, you must be a part of the Taliban.

You are a Shiv Sina activist since you are wearing a sari, no? I hate to break it to you, but I am not part of the Taliban clan. How about we fight them together?

9. You see my hijab and make it a point to convert every discussion into a religious debate.

My hijab might be for religious purposes, but that does not mean you are obliged to start a religion war with me. Opting for hijab is my choice, just like not opting for it is yours. I don’t mind you wearing anything you want to. I also accept the fact you don’t the like hijab. I accept your choice and I expect you to show me a similar level of tolerance, especially when tolerance is what you are ranting about all day long. Please don’t indulge in a religion and hijab bashing debate with me.

So there you have it; I feel unburdened and liberated.

Next time you see someone wearing a hijab, and are confused, please feel for the poor soul and spare her the questions she probably answers everyday. We are real, intelligent people just like your friends. Treat us as equals.

My siblings

Bola shagaya

chimamanda Adichie

Esco of woah Nigeria

BONUS POEM

We can count up to ten, we can count to a hundred
and these are two numbers that we understand
And we can take one, multiply by the other,
and in this way get ourselves up to a grand

But much more than that and it starts to lose meaning
the mind just can't feel the big numbers it knows
I guess it's just that we get too far away from
our trusty friend old Mister Fingers and Toes

And so we use years when we count up our birthdays
but then there's the problem of having so few
and really it's days we have, that's what we're spending
and every day we get one brand spanking new

So don't let too many days spin off uncounted
This year thing is nonsense, a terrible trap
We hope that each one of your days will be happy
except that there's bound to be some filled with crap

mine *812

@op, very good suggestion

Now, who's drawing the bill and when is it getting to the NASS

toba:
where can i come and eat meet?

meat