₦airaland Forum

I earn 180k presently at my present place of work, and I also have a business center I also run too which compliment my job. But I just got a job offer from my Uncle the pay is 350k plus other benefits.

The issue here is my wife is not in support of the offer, she said with my job and my business we are doing ok for now plus her business too. The issue has brought some disagreements between us the past few days. Please family should I stick to my wife's advice or still try and convince her let's relocate?

Please advice a brother. Thanks.

Modify:
Thank u so much Nairalanders/Family my Wife has finally agreed for us to relocate to Jos, after much heart to heart conversation, understanding and calculation we arrived at an indisputable agreement. I actually took some hints/advice I got here and add to my own evaluations and everything works out WELL. Thank u all for all ur contributions. I base in Warri presently will be relocating to Jos by the end of the Month. God Bless u all and Meet u at the point of ur need.

At last free from the land of Egypt. Werey... Boss

Apostle Paul said in one of his episode in Romans 7:15: I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. (New living translation). My question here is, is it that the flesh always overcome Apostle Paul that he often find himself doing the wrong thing (what he hate) even when not willing to as anointed as he his? Though he didn't mention does things maybe assuming he did he would have discouraged lots of believers. Is it really possible as human to overcome the flesh and things of this world? Bible scholars please come and enlighten us a little.

Chai, op wan kee person oh, I don laugh scatter my office chair, hahahaha......

Growing up as a child I did a lot of things that when I remember now I will just be laughing out loud. I was so stubborn to the extent three parts of my body was stitched on different occasions due to war start, otori, ski-ski-ski lolo etc. But d only thing that gaves my parents joy amidst my stubbornness was that I was very brilliant I never fall below fourth position in class always from first to fourth and if I didn't take first na cry all through that day. Well thanks to my mom a government teacher who make sure no matter my stubbornness she always cage me at home everyday for some hours to read and do my assignment which became part of me. But this my funny experience I will always remember; one day I returned from school and I was playing around by myself in d compound so I saw a nicked switch the wire was nicked so I decide to touch the nicked wire men the thing shocked me beyond imagination and I fell on the ground crying didn't know what just happened to me because I haven't experience such before.

After crying with no one around, I said to myself I won't be d only one to experience this so I got up cleaned myself up and went outside the compound to meet my play mate. I called one of my street friend and told him I want to show him something. This guy is so short that they have to change his name from David to small David, so small David followed me and I took him to where d switch was in my compound and I told him to touch the switch that his body will totori him (make him laugh) so he tried touching it but his hand couldn't reach the switch due to his height so I decided to carry him to touch it with my bare foot (chai children) so I carried him and he touched the nicked wire 'my Father my maker' the shock I received this time around was times ten of the first one, na so me and this guy fall for ground start to cry loud like say tomorrow nor dey. People came this time around due to the loudness of the shout and they asked what happened and small David explain everything that happened while still crying. Everybody just started laughing that one come even increase the cry. After that incident the switch was fixed, but I never near that place again. Anytime I remember that incident na only laugh I dey laugh. My childhood was real fun.

Loan sharks terrible people they can give someone heart attack especially when u don't have the means to pay back. I have gotten messages of people they tagged criminals not just them but their entire family, and even if such person's pay back the damage has already been done. They was one they sent me about a lady I knew, I called her she said she is no longer paying since they have already drag her and her family to the mud. I just laugh; but such messages can break someone with a soft heart totally. Let me share my younger brother's experience with them. I didn't know not until he did what he did with different loan shark app before he decided to share with me. He works with a construction company for about two years before the contract ended and he was out of job. While working he didn't invest anything at all, God help him, so the thing tell on him after few months without a job, the pay off he was given he managed it for sometime till he eventually finished all. He was now really down financially, sometimes he called me and I do send him money, but I always advice him to look for something to be doing until he gets a job and be wise and discipline this time around if he secured anther job.

So according to him, instead of sitting at home thinking his life and mistakes he as made financially, he decided to meet a friend who owns a business center close to him to be assisting him in his business. His friend's business center is close to one higher institution so he is always busy and always having lots of customers, so the friend agreed that he should join him for the time being. So his major job there was online registration like NYSC, JAMB, registration, online job application like Npower, FRSC, Army, any federal job registration online that was what he was doing and sharing the percentage of what he makes daily with his friend. While his friend just focus on other stuff like typing, photocopy, project work etc.

U know any federal job u are applying for always require ur Gmail or email address. And my younger brother according to him after he has scanned any required documents of the person applying for any job he transfered them to his phone and use his phone to complete the registration process. And some job requirements after putting ur Gmail and password they send u a link to ur Gmail to complete the registration which my brother will now use his phone to login to the person's mail and complete the process. Now according to my brother he did lots of registration especially Npower so he has access to lots of customers mail and some will even call him to be checking their mail for them Incase any update. So my brother automatically has different new contacts on his phone over a thousand phone contacts of people he didn't know. How come, he said most people contact are linked to their mail, so whenever he logs into such account of any of his customers the contact automatically save in his phone with the person's name too. He said he deleted and deleted but at a time he got tired and just live them because customers will always come on a daily basis for the same thing.

Along the line I guess he was making much more money than expected the friend became jealous with the sharing formula and decided to put him on monthly salary of 20k, for someone that is making at least 3k per day my brother declined the offer and they parted ways. Things became tough for him again. So one day he has no money and decided to borrow money from this loan sharks, according to him, transfered all his personal contact to his small phone and deleted all of them from his big phone, so the only contacts on his Android phone was people he never knew and people who don't know him too as a result of different customer Gmail he logged into and their contact detail automatically transfer to his phone.

So he applied for a loan, in one of the app, and after accessing his contacts and all that they gave him the loan 20k, when d due date to pay comes no money he download another app borrowed to pay the first one. That was how my younger brother became a professional loan shark borrower. He said he has all the loan app u can ever think of and since he will borrow from this to pay this they keep on increasing his loan. Some will give him 50k others 70k others 50k just like that until he accumulated a depth of almost a million naira.

The thing hooked him he knows they is no way he can pay back that amount without a job, he said he just simply remove his SIM card from his phone which is linked to his bvn and went to his bank block all his atm and changed his bvn phone number to a different one. This different loan app tried all means by reach him all to no avail. His Facebook account which they have, his picture is not there, because he has never posted his pics there b4, he is more of a private person and he used a different English name in that fb account they have, while his name which is in his bank account is his native name which those loan shark has and no body know my brother by his native name except family members. So no way of reaching him apart from mail of threat they sent to him on a daily basis. It's been over six months now but nobody in the family or friends knew about it, except me my brother just told of recent. They must have sent those damning and heart wrecking messages to those contacts on his phone thinking they are his contact. And those people will just be wondering who is this person because they don't know my brother and my brother don't know them.

When my brother told me, I was so angry with him I almost strangled him but I just let go. I told him why will he do a thing like that. Did he think they won't be any effect. He said the only effect that would have killed him is when they truly have his real contacts he said he would have just died because he can't withstand the embarrassment it will cost him, friends and family. He just got a job recently and I guess that's why he is confident in telling me. I told him when he balance himself he should try and payback his depths gradually. He said some of the loan sharks even sent him mail beging him to just pay only the capital and forget the interest chai that one make me laugh I say chai u don put this people for one chance. I just imagine what the op is going through, but ending ur life is not the solution. People dey lost millions and even owing millions them nor die, they find a way out and today it's history to them. Pick urself up man look for other alternatives to meet up and move on. Life goes on. God help u. Peace.

Mama G the only woman that makes me enjoy Nollywood those days. Love u ma. More grace. Cheers.

Charpell:
Remote job does not mean working in a remote area. It means working from home or working from a surrounding not on your office

I understand perfectly, I just feel like sharing my experience. Cheers.

There was a time I got a contract job in Bayelsa state with a construction company (short term work though). Men I saw life in another dimension entirely. Me that have lived in city all my life, I never knew people can actually live and survive in such situation.

It was a remote riverine village in Bayelsa State, but the company that took us for the job put us in an house boat with security. But after the days job, we normally go into the community (angala) as it's normally called to interact with them and flow with them too. Nnaa men, see way of life, chai. Fun though but really strange, but to them it's normal. Could u believe they are some grown-up adults there that have never left the community since birth, they have never seen a car b4 or a tared road never. Everything around them it's just river and Creek.

We stay for about 2months plus b4 we delivered the job. Stressful but fun. I really enjoyed the village people so receptive and accommodating. Will love to visit there some time again.

Semaj77:
I just checked his wikipedia page and apparently he has had 2 sons from a previous marriage , one is dead and the second one has autism

Oh didn't know that b4. But I knew he lost one of his son some couple of years ago, did know he had another. And s other one has autism chai what a world.

Semaj77:
He started having children at 51

Imagine that. And they are doing great, so long as they are happy it's all in the mind. Here in Africa if 50years old man never get picken people go say they swear for am, family go don reject am. Chai African mentality. God help us.

Rambo 75 his wife 53; 23 years age difference WOW! They started dating 1988 that is to say he was 42 then while his wife was 19 good Lord, I love this. Lovely family. One of my favorite American actor.

Righteousness2:
The Abnormal Noahic Endtimes flood has come to Lagos....
I Perceive God is testing the Mic on the Wrath that is to fall on this earth after the RAPTURE of the saints.

Ladies and Gentlemen, All these Disaters and Calamities hitting the Nations and continents are Moi Moi and a complete Child's play to what will be on Earth After the Saints are taken away.

Here is the Conclusion of the whole Matter,
The Coming of JESUS is Here! Repent and Believe the Gospel.

Bros still get sense small na. At times u make sense small, but most of the time u just sound so absurd and foolish.

You all should go and Google the name "L Ray Smith" and read about his write up, u will understand God's word better even if u have law understanding u will still understand. God burning His creature for all internity in hell is just one big lie ever told since d creation of this world by God. Cheers.

Fiscus105:
Ur anger take it to ur wife that is sniffing life out of u for ur hanging out with whoever you want

I biliv ur so called friends are happy when disagreement came in ur house out as a result of olosho you carry to sleep with but claiming u hang out with friends

Chai "HUNGERBAD" I understand ur frustration. Kpele.

Fiscus105:
Which kind of idiotic impromptu hangout with old friends will make a married man of 11 years hang out till 12 am?

You guy dnt understand responsibility of being a father and husband that's why u re spitting trash.

Who offend u, u just dey provoke 4 where provocation nor dey. So I am automatically a prisoner because am married. Hanging out with my friends late once in a while don't make me an irresponsible husband or father. Gush! how do some people reason. Na comment like this dey make some guys dey fear to marry thinking marriage is a cage meanwhile is not.

Fiscus105:
Oga I pray you won't destroy ur beautiful marriage and come to nairaland to blame naija women as usual.

U see when you are in a company of guys, you will meet whole lot men, many are not in good marriages, hence they talk trash of their wives or look down on you that appreciate ur woman, if you don't careful you too you join their league and before you know, marriage will start experience strain and affect kids.

In as much I'm not against hanging out with friends, you should try ur best not to satisfy ur friends to inconvinent ur marriage , if anything happens friends will disappear like thing air.

Let me tell u my experience , I have a friend who has problem in marriage , he forcibly married the wife without consent of wife's parent , now my friend is contemplating of leaving her becos his bussness is stagnant and he attributed it to his wife.

We normally hang out virtual everyday , when its 7 or 7:30pm, if I say I'm going home he will be making jest of me that i fear my wife and that my wife is monitoring me too much, I have tried to convince him that the habit of not keeping late night was embeded in me as a result of my upbringing and not neccessarly wife but unto no avail.
Oga, if I shift ground and start keeping late night like him, is it not foolishness on my part? For him, his marriage is in crises while mine is peaceful. If I follow him, and marriage start having problem like his, who will I blame?

I don't really think u understood me or my write up. I don't keep late night, and if u read my write-up properly u will find out that it's just something that came out of d blue (wasn't planned for). And I don't keep irresponsible friends or d ones that have issues with their wife at home and even if they do how can that one affect my home?. We compliment and celebrate each other as friends. And ur first paragraph don't really add up at all. Cheers.

mariahAngel:
May your beautiful union never degenerate to that level. Amen.

Oga listen, everyone's opinion here does not matter much. After all is said and done, what matters most is the communication, understanding and compromise between you and your wife. Make her happy, and she'll make your home a happy place for you and your children.
Do what is best for your family.
May you both always be at peace and happy with each other. Amen.

A big Amen to that dear. Wish u same and more. Cheers.

Klass99:
Too seriously I swear, some people will quench if they hear how certain couples conduct themselves, homes and marriages.

My boss told me (the guy dey always get interesting gist ) about a married couple he knows personally, man and wife are based in Lasgidi but they both live in their separate houses. As in, houses they own.

The man lives in his house and the lady in hers, but they are in a legit marriage. They were previously married to other people but divorced, met themselves later and remarried.

I heard the story and was intrigued and understanding of the fact that this couple decided to do what works best for them. I asked so when the in-laws visit nko or konji catch one person, how is that handled?

Boss said, the in-laws stay with the person they are related to and may visit the other spouse's house OR the spouse goes over to see his or her in-laws.

As for the konji part he said he is pretty sure they've also worked out a formula that suits them. They spend most weekends together though, hubby either stays over @ her place or she goes over to his.

Are they doing anything wrong? No, I don't think so but some Naija people will hear about them and start breathing fire and brimestone, even going as far as to quote scripture on top their matter.

Wow... This one loud oh... never heard of such b4. But so long as d love and understanding is there, everywhere good.

DonroxyII:
Eleshi, ... Elenu sonpa !
you came back home late and she was furious that's because she cares for you, for her kids and herself and the entire families ... She has ruminate alot of scenarios before your arrival and they are all scary .... You do not know the joy that engulfed her when you arrived and that furious and summation to cheating is just a "sigh of joy" to me .... ThanGod, My man is Back!!

If anything nasty should have happened to you , she will lose a husband , father to her kids and your family will still castigated her for not watching over you enough ..... A caring woman and mother would have processed all this before your arrival .....

Woman definitely has more neurons in their brain that man does so woman think and worry alot about life but man has larger brain of course thus more maturity but less things to think about, less worries ....

She has processed all issues before your arrival but summed it all to "he about to cheat" that's the maturity issue right there !

But alas, all you think was to hit a caring wife that stand at the door furious .... and modafvcker still didn't state he bought Suya and something to pacify his awaiting woman who is gonna be furious...

What you deserve is that one that would have slept and snores off and never bothered if you come home or not .......Appreciate her support and that cheating was what her brain resolved all worries to be ..... and What did you buy come for home because a reasonable and understandable man would have know someone would be waiting "Furious" out of Love and Care then you bribe with Suya to calm the atmosphere ..... You can sneak out in peace another time ....


If you had hit her .... na curse be that, African Man !! ... in another culture, she would have slapped you and you not gonna think hitting back ....


So this is why you missed single-hood ... Asewo na small e dey start

Hmmm... Madam or Bros I don't know ur sex, but if u read some of my reply u will see where I said I brought home babique and pepper soup and that was what we ate after we resolved our differences and made sweet love before going to bed. Cheers.

Gloriagee:
So is wifey still hangry?

No hit am, u hear at least she still cares

No wifey is no longer angry, we settled our differences that same night. No matter what I won’t lay hands on my wife (my diamond perere) as I normally call her. Cheers.

Yxwqq:
Right on. That's why 'healthy space' is one of the keys to a lasting relationship or marriage. In marriage, there's a joint-identity that occurs, which is expected, but at the same time it's healthy for each individual to have their own hobbies, friends, and time for self. It encourages each to maintain their own sense of identity [something you're not supposed to lose after marriage] while still being a couple, and it fosters independence and strength rather than neediness and clinginess. It also keeps the marriage interesting, fresh, because you're not spending every waking moment together but have time to develop yourselves, hence by the time you're back together you've things to share and teach each other, rather than staring at the walls, watching the clock tick.


Yup, OP's a responsible husband and hasn't given the wife any reason to be insecure or not trust him. It's possible the wife has an unhealthy attachment style. I know he said they've made up but I hope he's free enough to start doing this once in a while without the fear of getting his wife angry.

If I've a spouse of 11-years who always gets back home from work by "7:30 or 8pm"
and whose daily routine revolve around work and home, I would be appreciative, but at the same time I would start finding activities for him to get involved in outside the house [say, a men's soccer or baseball team or something, depending on the time of year] or calling up his married friends and trying to set up a get-together for him to attend. These would not only be important to his wellbeing as a man, but would enhance the marriage.

Good talk, so matured and reasonable. Anyways my life does not just revolved around just work and home only "aba, u wan kill person, how I go just put myself for cage because of marriage" I have other fun activities outside work and home and on Sunday's especially is a steady flexing with my family and hook up with neighbor's around and family get together. I be flexing husband oh no dulling at all oh...

mariahAngel:
Hahahahhahhahahahahahahahahahaha

Ooooooooooooooooshey!

U are just too much.......... Beta pikin

SweetBuns:
Back in the olden days, rice was a very special food, only cooked twice or Thrice in a year, depending on the families denomination (New year, Easter and Christmas )

Then it became more common and then was cooked every Sunday, and then every other day

But that tradition of cooking it every Sunday still persists

Our parents learnt it from theirs, we learnt it from ours and we will soon teach our kids

That’s just it

Mine is quite different, I grew up eating pourage (yam and oil beans) every Sunday before Church service. I guess that's what my dad loves and it became part of me that's what my wife prepares every Sunday morning before we go to Church and after service any other variety is available especially because of visitors. It's all about what u grew up with. Cheers.

mariahAngel:
Op, your wife loves you very much.
No woman who loves her husband will go to sleep while her husband is still out so late at night.
So, however your wife reacted, it was out of love. She was being protective of you.

The moment you came home late to her, she was no longer your wife, but your mother.
If she hadn't scolded you, she wouldn't have been calm, so don't take it to heart.
She loves you very much. And was probably a bit jealous that you chose to stay out so late to hang with friends instead of her, while she missed you.
Did you at least get her something on your way back to pacify her?

I brought babique and pepper soup home that's what we ate after resolving our conflicts and made sweet love before going to bed. Marriage is fun when u with ur soul mate, friend and caretaker.

Rozcol:
You are a confused married man and no responsible man stay out that long for no justifiable reason and expect to be welcomed with an open mind by his wife,you are selfish and manipulative,obviously you wife has fallen deep into your manipulative prowess. Remember Chidinma and Usifos case ooo in case you want to be a sugar daddy.

U are still a baby, read comprehensively with understanding before commenting. Cheers.

DDDEnterprises:
That's the thing about life man. If someone pursues a worthy cause, then he has to learn to adapt to the conditions that the cause would bring upon him.

if you were someone who used to wake up late in the morning cause you were jobless, the moment you get a job, that lifestyle must change.

before entering school, if you used to play and hangout a lot, then you must reduce that after admission to so you can have enough time to focus on study and make good grades.

That's life!

marriage is beautiful thing; a worthy and valuable pursuit. It's the institution that God legislated to allow people satisfy their physical desires, find comfort and support in their spouses and children and achieve one of the most integral phenomenon of life: reproduction and continuity.

So once a person takes this great step, he must become more responsible and change his lifestyle to fit into the conditions that being in marriage has to offer.

Your wife may have overreacted especially by accusing you of an affair, but you should apologize to her too.

A married man, that has a wife and kids he's responsible for, has a home of which he is the maintainer and protector shouldn't be seen staying out so late.

If you want to hang out with friends, do so occasionally and set a responsible time to it. If you want to extend it cause you miss it or desire the fun so much, then you must discuss that with your wife and she must show her understanding and approval before you do it. And it mustn't be frequent or too much.

So that's my little take and this is according to my little wisdom.

Respect sir for ur wisdom. I don't stay out late and the only time am out late is because of official duties wish my wife is aware of. But hanging out with my friends is something I do ones in a blue moon. Those my pals I hanged out with; I haven't hang out like that with them for about 9 years now. We just called each other and decided to hook up for old time sake. Respect.

PlayMaker14:
Always remember the SUPER TV CEO Incase you are thinking something else.

Not at all, I am not thinking something else
I love my family so so much will give the world for them.

[quote author=Rozcol post=103134051]You are a confused married man and no responsible man stay out that long for no justifiable reason and expect to be welcomed with an open mind by his wife,you are selfish and manipulative,obviously you wife has fallen deep into your manipulative prowess. Remember Chidinma and Usifos case ooo in case you want to be a sugar daddy.

U are lost.

I have been married for 11 years now with beautiful and lovely two daughters. I do love my family with the whole of my heart, they are my world and pride and I bless God for His provision, Grace and love upon us as a family all these years.

The reason I am writing this is because most times I really do miss those single days as a bachelor. Back then I can hang out with my pals in the club especially on weekends and have the best of fun without any thoughts of worrying/rushing home to be with the family. The feeling is so breath taking (un-imaginable), the only thing u think of is just urself and urself alone, do whatever u want to do and go wherever u want to go just like a bird in the air no restrictions. But as a family man all those privileges are gone and gone for good.

My reason for writing this "sometimes I miss single hood" was because my wife got me so upset last night that she almost made me hit her but I didn't (though she has apologize) and I have forgiven her. I was hanging out with some of my friends and colleagues last night and it's really been long we had such gathering/fun since everyone is now married with family and responsibilities. My wife called me to know where I was and when I will be home. Normally I don't stay out late at most 7:30 or 8:00pm am home, but as at last night some minutes past 9:00pm my wife called me to know where I was and when I will be home; I told her am with my pals that I will be coming home late, she can go to bed without waiting up.

Myself and my friends really had good time together, discuss a lot and celebrated each other. And after everything we all parted ways and before I got home was some minutes past 11:00pm thinking my wife will be asleep by then since I told her not to wait up. Lo and behold I got home open the door and saw my wife sitting in the sitting room with so much hanger on her facial expression, I was surprised she was still awake after Ieting her know I will be coming home late. The next thing she does was greeted me with annoying toon, took my bag from me angrily and took it to d bedroom which she always does when I returned from work. I know she was hangry but I didn't expect her to be angry at all, so I went to d room straight to the bathroom and took my bath.

When I was through bathing, I went to Check on my kids in their room they where far asleep, I just gave them good night peck and straight to the sitting room. Normally we always stay together in the sitting room play have fun and watch some family TV shows together before bed time. I was listening to some cool jams on TV because I was a little bit tipsy after the hang out I just wanted to listen to some soft and easy jamz to calm me down before going to bed. While relaxing my wife came from the room and started yelling at me saying I have gotten a new girl outside and planning to destroy our Union. Sincerely speaking I was shocked and disappointed at her shallow reasoning never expected such from her. I thought she was on something (drugs) but she wasn't and she has never been on such before.

After all her yelling and accusations which I allowed her to express herself (though I was almost tempted to hit her but I restrain myself) l asked her if she was through with her accusations but she didn't respond. I told her that I am truly disappointed in her for her foolish and childish behavior/reason. Truth be told I haven't cheated on my wife since we got married and I don't plan or intend to do that. After talking some sense into her she started crying and apologized which I truly forgave her. All she needs was just that trust and confidence from her man no matter what and which I gave to her.

Sorry for the long write up, all am trying to say is there is joy in single hood and a more greater joy in being married with family, believe me am speaking from experience. As a single guy/lady enjoy ur single hood because that's all u have got now, because when u are married all that will be left will just be memories of good old single days. But trust me u will enjoy martial life more especially when u are married to ur soulmate. Though sometimes u will miss the good old days of single hood which is normal, but it is nothing to be compared with a happily built home.

Up blues..... For life what an incredible win for the BLUES. BIG CONGRATS. Those when win big tonight or when account load make una still show love to as many as possible just as it's going on right now. 2087977204. Zenith. One love.

U have realized ur mistake that is the most important part. Promise urself that won't happen again. Go beg/apologize to whom this your action has affected, accept whatever actions/decision they make, and move on with ur life promising urself daily to be a better man. Peace.