₦airaland Forum

doitforyou:
exactly!!!! every generation complains about the next generation. We had the roaring 20s, the free love of the 60s, we had the hippie movement. When I was young my mom used to complain about my short skirts, then, when you look at her old pics from the 60s she wore shorter length clothes. These Instagram kids of today will get old, become conservative and start writing articles like this for the oncoming generation. Let kids be.

like sassysure's, your examples are very apt too
thank you!
it was a mass hysteria in the 60s, what would become of the world?
what has changed?
it has become much better
my great-grandmother, my grandmother and my mother agree
they repeat over and over again how happy they are I do not have to live through the struggles of the past
I would not go back

bukatyne:
Because that is the only space 'a woman can do what she wills' hold water.

Everyone other vice/moral debate is a crime.

off point
why don't you open a thread for a change where you can preach to your brothers?
majority of women here disagree with you and after your "I encourage rape" thread, the ship has left the harbor where you stood a chance to make a difference
and nobody buys into your "I want to save society" narrative
on NL?

ThothHermes:
Men run everything in the world

A man is wired is hump any and everything.

Women can exercise far more restraint. The burden of decency should and rightly does rest far more on women.
The standards are not the same. Stop trying to make it the same. Just like the standard for achievements are not the same for men and women. This is why women are slut-shamed everywhere and not. It's physiology. Not society.

you are a disgrace to manhood

bukatyne:
It is bad for every lady to aim to be classy?

first off, what you consider classy is for sure not what everyone else considers classy
I for myself find your obsession with sex on public display, pardon me, somehow repulsive on many different levels
but I am sure you think of yourself as classy

secondly, if every lady was the same, it would be boring, not bad but boring

sassysure:
Tell them my dear.
It was worst then.
Husbands will take official concubines. They call the courtesans. Wives will stay at home breeding, cooking and sowing clothes while courtesans, today's side chick will be at the court with the men learning the art of war, politics, literatures and what have you. Men go to their wives if they want to breed but when they need pleasure from the opposite sex, they go to these ladies.
Infact, mothers train their daughters to be official prostitutes. The men lavish these ladies with everything they can't give their wives yet now women have finally found their footing, they have become immoral and lost their charm abi mystique

Okay o.

thanks!
great examples!

mystique

ThothHermes:
Male dominated how
Men consume porn far more than women. Guess who they are watching

who runs the pòrn industry?
there are no male actors?
or do you only watch lesbian pòrn?

ThothHermes:
It does. Porn affects us. Want me to start reeling out effects of porn. It would not be if women were not licentious, if they were not told to do what they like because it's their bodies.

the porn industry is male dominated but you decided to pick on the females
typical

bukatyne:
Marriage is a different ball game and every woman must strive to choose a good husband else whether she is mystique or mysterious, she will see pepper.

see, this is why people do not listen to you but feel offended
you are disrespectful
you are not above women
you don't get to tell them anything
stop being so damn patronizing
you are not talking to your kids here

you people need to do some reading seriously, alternatively watch some historical movies
people have since times immemorial been complaining about immorality and have been discussing ethical questions
it's nothing new
these the-world-is-going-down and society-will-implode have never come into being
people have committed terrible atrocities but not because people were expressing their séxuality freely, rather because they were suppressing it

bukatyne:
While I agree with you that some people still hold the moral values dear, a lot have been immoral and what we would cringe at previously is now accepted or ignored.

In addition to break down of morals in Nigeria, you have the hypocrisy: we encourage people to do things we wouldn't ourselves.

do you know what I find interesting?
in all the discussions about morals, it centers around women's séxuality
why?

bukatyne:
Classy should be what every lady aims for.

but you don't get to decide for them
thank God

catwalq:
Everything you said is morally right but my point is,if she has to drag the guy all over social media for him to get his acts together, then she's better off without him..

You can't force someone to be responsible or have sense. Let her cut her losses and move the f**k on

you are right

catwalq:
I don't know how to say this without sounding cold but He already told her he doesn't want the baby. Telling him to man up to his responsibilities is laughable..

She made a choice to keep it, Let her follow through.. The guy is a douche for skirting his responsibilities but expecting him to have a change of heart after the baby has been birthed is unreasonable.

If I make that kinda decision, then I should also be objective enough to understand that the total welfare of that baby is my sole responsibility.

there should be laws in place holding people accountable for the sake of the innocent child
she has not made the decision alone, the moment he released his sperm into her was the moment he decided to take the risk
don't ask women to abort children just because a man decides he does not want to take responsibility for his actions
it opens doors to more irresponsible behavior and unprotected s.ex

no! the moment two people come together to have intercourse, they should be aware of all possible consequences
if they can't take it, they should màsturbate

the worst part is that he is proud enough of the nonsense to post it on social media
poverty is a ......

second and last one and please remove the necklace from the baby's neck for safety reasons

SageMK:
Debatable. She wanted the baby but he didn't.

maybe she is against abortion and even though she might possibly not wanted a baby, she decided to take all the hardships that come with single motherhood for her baby, which would would make her anything but selfish
just saying
I agree with the rest of your post though entirely

SageMK:
I know she made a selfish decision not to abort. Still, it doesn't give him the licence to abandon his child or his responsibilities. If he doesn't want one in the first place, he should have used protection. He's a dead beat dad!

You can't dance around fire expecting not to sweat.

is it selfish not to abort?

cococandy:
The problem I have with posts like these is that they target women and make them out to be evil for behaviors they praise in men. It’s disgusting to say the least.

While I wouldn’t personally chose to be loud in a movie theatre about who I humped or what not, I’ll make a point to condemn such behavior equally in any gender. If it’s an issue when women do it but doesn’t matter when men do it, then the problem isn’t the behavior itself but our need to fit women into a certain mold. A mold that pleases men and on which the value of womanhood is defined. ie by how pleasing we are to men.

In those “good old days” when men were more mystified by women. When men used to write love letters and what not, what happened then? How was that era more beneficial to women? Fighting for basic rights and clamoring for simple respect. Did the supposed mystery stop men from beating up women or deny them access to infrastructure and positions of power? Did that all too wonderful mystery solve any social problems for women that we aren’t still fighting for today?

I don’t take seriously any moral caution that doesn’t apply both ways. Maybe I agree with the idea that the behavior isn’t optimal but will never agree to the bias against women which is what it really is all about.

thank you!

the example she has given of the ladies in the movie theatre is more the problem of particular social milieus and mannerisms related to such, not a gender issue which she has created out of it.

it's akin to me taking the worst neighborhood in the US to claim that the US as a whole is decaying and resembling a developing country
you can't take the worst example and claim that it is universally representative of everyone

what I find particularly funny is her worry how the behavior of other women tarnishes her image
what the heck? aren't you your own person? respect your boundaries, maybe then you will be able to respect other people's boundaries and freedoms

baby124:
Right. It looks like you just want to keep going on in circles. I don’t have time for this. I told you to post your research, but you entered gear 2 going on and on. I have better things to do than to argue needlessly with someone online. When you are ready to post your research, you can mention me. Till then, you can stick to your opinion while I stick to mine.

nobody forces you to
just don't understand why you share your opinion in public if you can't handle disagreement

baby124:
I would appreciate if you post that research. I am sure I can also find a research that suggests otherwise. This woman’s experience in the OP also speaks to a breakdown in morals generally. Would you go to a cinema and become a nuisance to everyone else? Sure your morals and upbringing should be better than that. Even though this was a random event. But it even gets worse in reality. What I wrote up there is my silent observation because, personally I am not a partaker of trends and social media. I am one of those who just sits back and observes what goes on around me. What I wrote is my observation. You could see things through a different lens and that is quite alright.

if I post it, will you take the time to read it thoroughly?
you can post research that suggests otherwise but please make sure it is serious and has not been funded by the Vatican

we all see the world through a particular set of lenses
yours are very fatalistic

when you go to the playground with your children, do you not see parents teaching their children to say 'please' and 'thank you' and 'sorry'?
do you not see parents teaching their children the value of consideration and compassion?
do you not see politicians all around the world emphasizing the value of the family unit?
do you not see people celebrating charity?
do you not see organizations protecting human and even animal rights?
don't most people agree that selfishness and greed are bad traits?
don't most people condemn dishonesty?

I really do not understand how anyone can claim that there is a breakdown in moral values because even without research good examples outweigh the bad ones, just that they do not get the attention they deserve

baby124:
It’s about opinions because I do not think your perspective is correct as it’s not my observation/experience and vice-versa. So there you go. You did not make me defensive, I was only responding to your comment and standing by what I wrote. You have no reason to be sorry in this case.

there is a body of quantitative research on moral development and historical changes and it resists the narrative that there is a breakdown in moral values so it is not entirely about perception and opinion, well at least not from my side

baby124:
Increase in traditional values? This is definitely your own observation, certainly not mine. Moral panic you say? Did anything I wrote above come across as a lie? We definitely do not have the same experience so, you are entitled to your opinion. while I strongly stand by my own opinion. Complete breakdown in moral values across the board. In fact, most don’t even know what values mean.

it's not about opinions really but ok
sorry I made you feel defensive

ireneidiva:
Everybody is entitled to thier own opinion.

agreed

baby124:
Interesting article. I think this cuts across for both the young men and women... it starts from the breakdown of marriages and relationships in the home, parents too busy to raise their kids right or have time for them, then the internet as a medium of expression and validation.

I do agree that there is a serious breakdown in morals and value across the world and, across genders. The constant need for validation and see-me culture is atrocious. The. The peer pressure that comes with it, even more tragic. I like to think of myself as a feminist and I have always been.

I am not a social media person and when I stroll through social media in ghost mode, I see even parents looking for validation on the internet, both male and female. You see mothers twerking, shaking breast, taking pictures daily with suggestive poses. It’s like they lack attention and love at home, very sad. I even feel drained Viewing these pictures and watching praise videos where they twerk suggestively and, are furiously all dressed up. Maybe it’s me, but that must take a lot of time and energy which I don’t have. It’s hilarious and mind boggling I must admit

You see fathers posting Videos where they are dancing, puffing up muscles, showing off suspicious wealth that we all know they did not work for, and twerking with strange women or strippers. Lmaoooo.

Then you see parents open social media pages for babies... even their teenagers are all on social media, exposed to predators and all sorts of vices. Some parents even encourage their kids to participate in these vices to gain instant gratification and to pepper their mates and the world. This is a worldwide phenomenon and confirms an absolute loss of values. For both men and women.

Men have absolutely lost their charm and chivalry. It’s like all man for himself in the age of the internet. There is access to so many more women than before. Everyone seems to be desperate and in a hurry with many options. No one sees the need to try anymore and work on themselves or their relationships. There is always one desperado a click away willing to validate you if you twerk hard enough.

Then there is the porn. My God, is there the porn? So vile and extremely disturbing the lengths porn reaches these days. Even little kids are exposed to porn and we see little kids even rape these days. Porn has definitely spiked up the level of sexual immorality around the world. Little kids are being mentally abused by watching porn both online and even in their physical spaces. Selfish and so called adventurous people even have sex in parks in full view of little kids to destroy their innocence.

At the end of the day, it is the age we live in. The age of being moderate is long gone and we have lost it as a people. It’s crazy but it is what it is.

I think you are guilty of what sociologists call moral panic
you assume a moral breakdown, not even decline whereas there is no such a thing
you can't take some examples from social media of people who show off their bodies or wealth (something people have always been doing in different forms) and claim that people nowadays have no values
and like the author you have not made any distinction between people of different social and educational backgrounds
I was personally appalled by the language and crassness of these young ladies the author of the article saw with her husband but for every one of them there are young people who mind their language and consciously and eloquently articulate themselves, who have good manners
there are also studies that show that young Westerners nowadays (unfortunately there is no such study I know from Africa) uphold traditional family values even more than their parents do/did and values which were used to write the human rights charter are to a great extent universally accepted, something that people some 100 years ago could not even dream of
bottom line is: times have changed, so have some moral standards in the way that they have become stronger or have been replaced but never disappeared

we are 7.7 billion people on planet earth of which roughly 50% are female of which not all can be classy

ireneidiva:
So she should say no and fight him? Or carry the money that is not her own and run away?

sensible advice has already been given here

blank:
@ Op, let me give you a piece of financial advice for your marriage. Instead of using your money to run the house, bring that money and put it in the savings.

I don't know why Nigerian guys are hotwired to automatically discard whatever contributions you make if the money was not used in making "big ticket" expenses.

I kind of feel that's why he feels he can change plans as he likes because he feels it's his money so he has the final say.

As regards your quagmire, you're a smart woman. I know you will figure it out. Sometimes, we have to stoop to conquer, if you know what I mean.

smart

ireneidiva:
Allow him to do his masters for peace to reign.Since you've seen how he can be, start saving your own money to buy your own car if you want. Also consider expanding your business or getting a good job if this business is not lucrative enough. The era of waiting for a man to do stuff for you has gone.

will she have peace of mind if she accepts his nonsense?
this 'for peace to reign' is an empty phrase in such a context, which you can use for trivial things but her situation is more serious and she should not be asked to swallow everything in the name of peace
she deserves better

AntiBrutus:
A jobless man is as useless as the p in psychology.

They don't cook,
Don't wash,
Don't sweep,
Can't be submissive.

Just sit at home with their big prick, claiming head of house, while the innocent wife walks on eggshells trying not to hurt his broke ego.

A broke man is VERY USELESS.

among the useless, some are more useless than others

HorlaBee27:
Hello All
I need y’all advise on this.
I am getting married soon and my partner wants to rent a 3 bedroom apartment. I was cool with it but later after thinking properly, I felt it’s perhaps too much for us since we are just starting our lives.
I want us to be able to pay conveniently without fears. He has been saying the lord will provide and it makes me feel like I don’t believe God will really do.
Also another worry I have is that he has a lot of people around him that can think of coming to stay if we get the apartment and I actually love privacy.
Currently he is seeing things like I don’t want his own opinions to count or I don’t want him to make decisions for us...
Should I just let him please himself ?

make sure you two are on the same page before getting married
seems like he has a different approach than you, he is the dreamer whereas you calculate carefully
it could be complementary traits if not for the fact that he feels entitled to decision making
if he likes visitors and you love your privacy, you will experience great levels of discomfort and stress