₦airaland Forum

evy1:
Must you tribalism into every situation?

Lordkylie:
aww,awesome and inspiring work @deturla.I read through the thread and there was no negative/tribalistic comment apart from "you know who"up there.This is refreshing,perhaps there is still hope.

Thank you ma'am.

Yes there is still hope, if all of us can work together to make the world a better place.

You are the war dog, yes you are. Turning your bed to where the jackals engage in their duel. You are the lion, wounding and maiming their bottoms like there is where your piece of ’bokoto’ lies!

You are not ready yet! You know when you are ready? After spending time chiseling and boring the holes to that depth you want. You are now blessed with a lady; virgin or not, who quickly realizes that a lot of sex in her teenage years have done her more harm than good and then decides to ‘preach’ celibacy to you Brother!

You are angry, she is not chaste? So why preach it. However you love her helplessly. There is something striking about her that reaches far into your soul and prickles the emotional you. After all, you are human. Humans are filled with emotions.

Now you love! Oh Pity, but then you have lived a former life riled with a lot of sexual activity. You think you can deal simply because she is that special type of lady who syncs into your world. One, two, three, six months, you enjoy the togetherness, the reduced friction, the jolly ride of companionship and relationship. But something is missing, yea?

The roller coaster, the sweaty bodies on your king size bed. You have hinged your previous relationships on sex. Now you are battling with your new found love because you are addicted. Addicted ‘Bro’!

Now, you are getting bored, the relationship doesn’t excite you anymore; You can’t bore holes like you used to. Now you are at a cross road, you want to go back to your former life of having fulfilling sexual satisfaction yet crave from the loving of ‘Miss Celibacy’.

Take a deep breath and read this. You may be running away from the best thing to ever happen to you, to the life where you only benefit from ‘sex’ and nothing more. You can keep your love life in check even when you cannot dig the well as you used to.

Truth is, platonic relationships can be very difficult and confusing. It takes more than just willpower to stay through to it and still remain a faithful lover. Even after you have managed to talk through the sexual urges, then is now the real situation of trusting yourselves. Please take note of the following when re-evaluating your decisions on having a platonic relationship

1. Think it through

Why do you love her? Because of her body or ‘wha’? What forms the basis of your attraction? Physical, emotional, intellectual? You need to ask yourself, do you really love her? Or you lust for her? If you answer is who cares? I just wanna have a ‘dig’ then she isn’t for you. But if you sit in your space and think critically about these questions. Then you can forge ahead!

2. Define your relationship

You guys need to sit and ask real questions. Are you craving short term companionship or a life long togetherness. You may crave for it as much as you want but you need to put her into perspective. You don’t just love her based on sexual attraction. You really do care about her and intend to have a future with her. So, set limits, re-inforce your values! Consider the impact of ‘jumping into it’ when it seem she isn’t ready! You have always been selfish, wanting to satisfy the urge, Now is the time to put her into consideration. If she doesn’t want it, then be mature and understand.

3. Explore your intimacies

The fact that you have decided to avoid sex does not mean you can't engage in touching and all other kinds of intimacies.

Touch yourselves, explore; kiss, hug, stroke even go more intensive massage her, find avenues for the erotic parts of his/ her body. Studies have shown that people enjoy pleasurable sensations even without doing the real thing. Communicate this to each other while defining your limits. Life is full of fun without hole digging.

4. Outercourse is allowed.

Outercourse means different things to different people. To some, it may mean sexual activity without ‘vaginal’ intercourse. For some it may even be sexual activity with no ‘penetration’ at all. You would find so many definitions online anyway. For me though, it’s all about the sexy phone calls/text, sensual massage, bathing together, strip tease. All these are forms of outercourse which keeps a mature relationship away from any form of sex or sexual activity.

5. Trust

The reliability on the ability of your partner to keep herself in check is very key. What is he doing right now. What is she doing right now will not help you on your path to platonic’ment. Evaluate your decisions from time to time. Seek to help each other out. To you, she is your sister, and not some random girl you can just ‘knack’ and move on!

Trust your decisions and hers as well. You will laugh last!

Do you have additions to the above? Let’s make this post engaging, drop your comments below!


http://deedeesblog.com/2016/09/20/5-things-keep-platonic-relationship-going/

emsco:
Nice one. Can i be part ot your crew for any project. I do well with handling of DSLR video camera.

Please can you send a PM?

Misterdhee1:
I visited a place recently in lagos. Jakande or so? I was just amazed about the living conditions of the inhabitants. Water and dirts all over..The most amazing thing was that they seem to be really comfortable with the deplorable condition..It was a ridiculous experience

Please can you share the exact location?

Thanks

Pidggin:
These two pictures are heart breaking. These kids will most likely end up being lost to the slum. What a life

Hmmmn......

duduade:
At Op... Very inspiring... I always wondered each time i was on the third mainland bridge.... Looking at those structures... Wondering who were the people who stayed there... Wondering if they couldn't be relocated to some place....

This is what everyone is talking about. Infact, I would advocate that as well. But the problem is, Is there any hope of that in the near term? Lagos is too congested already for re-settlement, unless they want to resettle these people to the New Eko Atlantic City.

All I'm advocating for is proper and continous assistance, empowerment of the settlers so that they can thrive as well. Their location should not delimit their capabilities.

Oliviaarims:
I have a problem with number one. It's one thing to expect that your husband may cheat on you someday in the long run (which should never be) , but it's a different matter altogether to tell your husband straight out that you expect he'll cheat on you.

That has a lot of implications. First, it means you're telling him you don't trust him even if he may not have done anything in the past to warrant that sort of distrust. Just by virtue of him being a man, you're saying you can't trust him.

Also, it will seem as though you're giving him free reins...to cheat on you as long as you don't find out. That way, even if he does cheat, he'll be very comfy with himself.

Thirdly, it just doesn't make sense at all. Be prepared for the worst, but don't concede to the worst.

I want to refer to your last sentence.

The worst is that there is a higher possibility of you being cheated on, either you are prepared to concede or you have conceded.

What difference does it make?

This is a fantastic article Toks2008. Need I say more?

It cuts across all genres and specters of ladies.

Married/Unmarried, Single/Hooked!

Nice one!

eddyjibs:
iyama. dat place shud be demolished and the settlers relocated abeg

Do you have anywhere in mind?

cc:

sugarbeesmith
SmoothCHN
VictoriousVic

sugarbeesmith:
may God continue to bless u @ops for this....I have been on this vision to help out suppose kids in slum communities..sewing this keeps encouraging me...pls how can I reach u personally? contact or email

Hi Sugarbeesmith, you can reach us on 08067484109 or send an email to admin@deedeesblog.com

We are planning another trip before the end of the year. We can't wait to have you support us. Thanks a lot.

http://deedeesblog.com/about/

emmanuelbrown26:
Op good morning, pls i will like to join in this kind of programme, its my joy to see myself in this awareness. How to reach u

Responded to your Pm already Sir.

ZiggyMr:
Kudos, my friend an insighting post u have there.....

Thank you Ziggy!

kellyJames5:
so touching
take heart sis
that's life for you
but I believe he's gone for good.

Thanks.

simonlee:
SMH
Thank God for my situation.

We should be grateful.

emorse:
Nigerians can adapt to any environment. And I mean ANY environment. Next stop, Antarctica!

LOL! Antarctica bawo?

cc:

Mynd44
Obinoscopy
Lalasticlala

.

We could not get to the floating school though. How disappointing that was, and it was because yours truly was scared stiff.

I was able to take awesome pictures of the environment, the floating school and we even got a Makoko View of the Third mainland bridge because we were so close.

MY CONCLUSION:

Makoko is as amazing as it sounds, people live in such agonizing conditions and there has been no evidence of endemic or pandemic outbreak over the years. Amazing!

I have played my own part. I have been able to show through these pictures that regardless of your situation, look at these pictures above, reflect and thank God for your life!

Mouth a word of gratefulness to the almighty for the best in life that you have got. DidI hear you mention recession? You better be careful! I intend to take this a step further, assist these settlers the little way I can. Not only are these pictures inspiring, but they allow me reflect deeply on life and how blessed I am.

Whatever talent/skill you have. Do not only look at how you would make money from it. Also look at how you affect lives positively using the tool God has blessed you with. While I could not do a lot when I embarked on this journey, I hope to be there again and affect lives positively.

Sit back and mouth a word of gratefulness.

http://deedeesblog.com/2016/04/16/shocking-photographer-lagos-slum/

Not to forget are the “agberos” that we met along our way to the floating school who asked for N5,000 before we could pass through a canal, surprised but motivated to move on, I negotiated with these guys and parted with some amount of money, and we continued our adventure on water.

I know what would be going through your mind, was Deedee not scared, oh! I was. The fact that there was no life vest made matters worse. Anyways, our nerves were calmed a little when Segun (our canoe paddler) told us we had not gotten to the deep part ‘yet’.

To satiate your lustful desires is a floating hotel very close to Timi’s barbers shop where you can decide to have a romp depending on your agreement with the seller of the ‘good’ if you know what I mean… (winks)

We got to Makoko and then proceeded to the floating settlement. Segun our tour guide informed us of the need to meet with the Baale, but unfortunately he was not in. That notwithstanding we got the go ahead to move into the community and take pictures.

After haggling with the guy that paddles the canoe, we agreed at a price to paddle his taxi canoe around the slum. Weird though, there were no available life vests to protect us from any form of mishap (I no go try am again in my life) LOL! It was crazy.

The first odour that hit me was that of the brackish water. A very thick nauseous smell is what greets you as you enter the lagoon due to the dirt, poo and all sorts that have piled up over time. Untroubled by the smell, we forged ahead.

Most of the inhabitants in the community are engaged in the fish selling business and I quickly noticed that the air was thick with fumes; smog seeps out from the hundreds of wood-burning kilns and smokehouses all around the community.

Our taxi canoe maneuvered through the informal canal which serve as routes in the community. Hawkers were selling their wares along these informal canal as if it was the Sabo/Yaba market. From a mobile boutique to a local “Buka”, life is as enjoyable as living on the mainland.

Follow your passion, be prepared to work hard and sacrifice, and, above all, don’t let anyone limit your dreams – Donovan Bailey[i][/i]


So I decided to take my time off writing today and focus on another love of mine, photography.

I concluded my photography training and I wanted something fun, that would tickle readers’ interest. An everyday thingy in Deedees own way. Pictures of a place that reeks of strangeness, poverty but yet outstanding living amidst a cosmopolitan Lagos; Makoko came to mind.

Makoko is a settlement of about 85,000 settlers situated at the Ebuta Metta diversion just below the Third Mainland Bridge. You will see the settlement if you are coming from the Mainland towards the Island through 3rd Mainland bridge.

Naijdotcom described Makoko as unlivable, Wikipedia termed it the Venice of Africa, even Aljazeera claimed that it is a small fishing village built by fishermen who came from Benin to make money more than a hundred years ago, before it grew into an illegally constructed one-square-kilometer urban settlement.

http://deedeesblog.com/2016/04/16/shocking-photographer-lagos-slum/

The very words we spoke to each other at the altar of our love

The words I heard you say to me with so much passion in your eyes

With so much longing that sparked the fire of togetherness forever

We were so much in love

The word “forever” became our “love you”.

Forever Baby, I kept saying over and over again beside you on the sick bed, with your life hanging just like the drip line injected into your hand. Forever baby? No word escaped your mouth despite how my ears were itching to hear your “forever”. How much I longed to hear the word I had listened to for the past 5 years together! Five years of bliss and pure love. Even princess, our daughter, calls us ‘forever square’ instead of dad and mum. Now I can’t even bear to answer to that anymore, I can’t stand hearing forever from anyone apart from you. It is so heartbreaking seeing you hang between life and death. I could barely stare at you without breaking down in tears. This is not the man I fell in love with and got married to.

Ayomi, I remember the first day I met you; the manly charisma that you possess as you walked into my office with confidence and gait looking for my boss. I have never been stuck with by such personality. I could remember vividly how I made a fool of myself staring at you with my lips hanging out.

Hey Missy, you said coolly, jolting me out of my fantasy island, with that sexy smile dancing around your lips. Instead of me getting out of the trance, I only smiled stupidly with my eyes popping out of its sockets. You politely reminded me why you were right there in my face in the first place. I quickly apologised and pushed you through to my boss immediately.

That was the beginning of a beautiful friendship till you saved me of my ‘agony’ and eventually asked me out. It was the perfect relationship I had been waiting for. Not perfect in the sense that you did everything perfectly, but because we were two young imperfect souls working together towards perfection. You loved me beyond words could actually describe and I’m eternally grateful that I said yes to you. I’m glad I walked down the aisle with you, and said “forever and always”.

You said you never wanted “till death do us part” so you insisted we make do with “forever” only because you said even in death, we would always love each other. I guess this is it. The time to test if truly we would love each other. Ayokunumi, this is a test I never want to pass because I want you alive with me always. I want us to nurture Princess together, give birth to Michael and birth forth all our dreams together.

I left your bedside in the that Friday night, to tuck princess in the beautiful room you painted for her, since the two of us have been sleeping in the hospital for the past week. While tucking her to be, a white light appeared by Princess’ bedroom door and there you stood, naked and staring at me with your deep, coy smile. I was happy that you have joined me in tucking Princess to sleep, and I made to pull you to join us in bed, when I heard the word escaped from your lips, ‘Forever’. I heard it clearly and I was 100% sure I didn’t imagine it this time around. With that smile plastered on your face, you disappeared like a cold mist just right there in my presence.

I cried out from my short nap on Princess’ bed, to the sound of my phone ringing. Mom was calling me from the hospital.

Hi Mom..I whispered, with tears from the short dream still streaming down my face.

‘Ade. Ayo is gone ‘forever’. Mom whispered into the phone, sniffing.

Everything went blurry from that moment, I did not know when I started screaming ‘No, No!!’ till I blanked out. I only found myself on the hospital bed with drips and families around. Immediately I popped open my eyes, Princess ran to me crying and kept repeating “Mummy they have covered Daddy’s face with the bed sheet”. In a flash, everything came back to me and I realized Ayomi is finally gone.

Today is the fourth year you left us Ayomi and I have been saying “forever and always” just to feel close to you and just to let you know, Princess doesn’t sleep in her favourite room anymore, she said it makes her cry all the time. Thankfully, she is gradually growing with your kind of gait and that beautiful smile that reminds me of you. She is very strong mentally now, leads her class and possess the same aura of confidence that made me fall in love with you.

We miss you so much!

Is death your ‘forever and always?’