₦airaland Forum

davide470:
I just dey look you o!!!!

My realest Nigga, howfar nah?

Jabioro:
The nairaland version of EFCC need to probe your mum,I don't care how you are going to do it,because this version of looking like Otedola Femi of yours is real and I would bring leading the team..So Femi you must resume to nairaland office by 10am on Tuesday morning with mummy. for your information we going to release mummy unconditionally.but you must pay for the resemblance.. I can even ask mum not to come....you, you,you ....you must

LOL.....

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wroskian:
Deturla....you too?
Congratulations many peeps here said you look alike

you!!...you find me reach here....lemme oh..lol

Whobedatte:
Better tag DJ cuppy on IG. who knows she might show her father and yu might just be lucky
No dull o

Tagged her already, sharply....No time.... You can spread the 'good' news too, Femi Otedola's lost son!..hehehe.

Starttell:
deturla Saw ur PM notification... Any P?
Mail me at ceo@starttells.com

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You ever wonder why your last relationship ended up in a mess, while you think you had done the best in the interest of the relationship? You ever wonder why your last date went awry even when you thought you were communicating effectively.

For the benefit of those who believe that asking questions and soliciting for responses from their partners stimulates the relationship, I agree with them. However there are certain questions that I think are unreasonable and deteriorate the exciting union faster than you think it appreciates it.

Men are usually culpable when it comes to asking questions especially during sex. They have this naughty understanding that reliving their prior sexual experiences with their partners tend to establish their dexterity in bed, improve the level of closeness between both parties and boost their ego as well. While it could be reasonable to discuss certain intimate issues in relationships, I want to believe that there are questions that would seem unacceptable to me to be asked during sex.

I have a friend who was confused as to what her man really wants from the relationship, because he tends to ask crazy and unreasonable questions during sex, and this makes her feel uncomfortable. It also left her with the notion that he is really interested in displaying his sexual prowess or trying to release all the fiery tension away from his system and not just intending to grow the relationship.

From experience and based on my research, find below certain questions that are just unreasonable to ask your partner during sex.

Did it hurt?

Why will you ask this kind of question for God’s sake. You should have understood your lady by now to translate whatever information she is trying to pass during sex. That is why you are her man, she passes the info in whichever way she could; subtle or loud, and then you understand.

Do not let passion get into your head. Sex could be overwhelming, try and look for signs and signals and not grunt and groan in the middle of your selfish pleasure.

Did you enjoy it?

Wallahi, this question is very unreasonable. Why will you ask? If she doesn’t she will not come back again. She won’t want to even be having sex with you. Like I mentioned earlier, sex is an activity that is pleasurable and intimate. Depending on how both parties go about this activity; that will determine the level of “enjoyability” of your woman.

Please don’t ask. If she enjoyed it, she will definitely want more and come back.

What is your best position

Men are usually culpable of asking this question though, it is so bad that even on a first date, a man can ask his date of her favorite position, and even during sex. A girl will act up immediately you are putting her in a position she doesn’t like during sex, and since sex is meant to be enjoyed, she will definitely pull you in when she gets maximum satisfaction from that particular position. We all have our favorite positions, and what you need to do is experiment if you are in a sexual relationship, or try to understand what and where ticks for your woman. A message is passed whenever two parties have sex; physical and emotional. It is your duty as a man to pay attention.

For first dates though, it may be healthy to trigger sexiness and rawness depending on the level of maturity of both parties, ONLY!Be careful and pay attention when asking this question though, she may evade the question or answer you with the obvious, depending on how you both go about the date and togetherness.

Are you coming?

I can bet it that every girl has been asked this kind of question before during sex. Abeg, if he asks if you are coming or have come. Just nod and tell him you are close. I wonder why he will ask in the first place. But wait oh, are ladies even supposed to come before they enjoy sex? That’s a gist for another day.

My dear, whenever he asks you just keep nodding your head saying you are close, by the time he gets tired, abeg roll him off. Chikena

Shey it is sweet?

Mr Man, are you Cold Stone ice cream, or Debonaire’s pizza. Maybe you are chocolate then. Abeg park well. Sweet ko, Sugar ni.

Want more?

You better not ask this question again if you are used to it. If your woman wants more, then she’ll pull you back and suck it all in. It is left to you to stick to the task and scram if you are tired.

Give me a head?

Please do not ask this question again. If you like to give or to be given, just do the needful, act in that regard, take your head down low. If she wants,she’ll snuggle close and pull you down there, if she doesn’t…….you get the gist? Likewise if you want her to do same, position yourself well enough for her to get the gist, ladies are very smart when it comes to sex, they have the idea of what they want and they try to figure out what you want.

Do not ask a lady to give a head, these are emotions, and it is sex, you will know if/ when she wants it. Got it?

I know the lists are endless……..drop your comments if you feel this is right, and also feel free to add more if you think there is more.

http://deedeesblog.com/2016/01/16/7-unreasonable-questions-men-should-stop-asking-during-and-after-sex/


Cheers!!

Mjshexy:
Yeah she's right, hope u also have enof cash to flaunt like him?

A young man can only hope and pray, and hustle!

ednut1:
Hahahahaha dertula ooooo.

That's how we roll....Pally

www.nairaland.com/attachments/3302079_cymera20160116192146_jpeg7e322708cdbe03d15b57ea69e35be739

She is always claiming that i look like the Oil Magnate and DJ Cuppy's father, Please Nairalanders. Is this true?

The Twist to this whole ish is that i bear Femi Adetola and he is Femi Otedola. Wierd, you say??

Wednesday being WCM – Woman Crush Wednesday would have many people use Laura Ikeji as their crush.

Laura Ikeji who is known for heavy make up, shared an instavideo of her looking all natural on Wednesday and we quickly screen grabbed it before it goes down.

Cute or Nah?

http://deedeesblog.com/2016/01/15/no-filter-natural-look-of-linda-ikejis-sister-laura-ikeji/

Just met this girl not long ago and we are going well along. We are about to finalize things and start dating officially. Surprisingly today, I just saw this on her dp and she confirm that it belongs to her. Please fellow nairalander, do you think I should run for my life or I should still carry on?

What do you think he should do?

“I don’t think of all the misery, but of all the beauty that remains.” ~Anne Frank



Despite pink and orange being my two favorite colors, there was a period in my life when I only wanted to wear black, from head to toe.

On Super Bowl Sunday 2002, my life changed forever. My husband of fourteen years died in his sleep of a massive heart attack, and I became a suddenly single mom of a six-year old and an eleven-year old.

Although we all acknowledge that death is a part of life, few of us spend any amount of time preparing for it. I was no exception.

When I married my husband in 1988 and we began planning our life together, the words “till death do us part,” were just that, words.

Who really thinks of death during the happy times?

We had plans to raise our children and watch them grow into young men and start their own families. We envisioned for them what we had for ourselves, the picture perfect life.

Instead, on the biggest day in American sports, I found myself wondering what the future held for my young sons and me. On the days following my husband’s funeral, I often begged for someone to wake me from the horrific nightmare that I felt I was living, only to realize this was now my reality.

Thankfully, I had an amazing circle of friends and family who were my greatest cheerleaders. They were there to support not just me, but my children as well. I had a great job, which provided me with the needed financial security. I was grateful because I was well aware that so many other women whose lives are interrupted by such tragedy are not as fortunate.

In the years to come, my life became consumed by work and raising my children. Initially, this seemed to be the best approach to take. However, as is the case with most mothers, regardless of their marital status, self-care stopped being a priority for me.

My needs and my dreams were put on a shelf, with a to-be-determined future date affixed to them.

Then in August 2014, as I prepared for my son to leave for college, I wondered what was next for me.

While my next steps were unclear, I was confident that I needed to be in charge of my destiny and not vice versa. Being proactive was a necessity, and defining my purpose was a must.

I was at an impasse and my goal was to go from being stuck to unstoppable.

In the past year, I have accomplished more personally and professionally than I could have ever imagined.

I started my own business and now inspire other moms to live their best lives. I am, once again, in a happy place in my life. My oldest son has graduated college and is now working for his dream company. My youngest son is now a college sophomore and is a soon to be an author.

Since the death of my husband, I have lost my mom, my brother, and an aunt. Each of my sons has experienced the death of a close friend.

Death does not discriminate. It touches the lives of the young and old, and often snatches from us those who are healthy, happy, and ever so vibrant, occasionally without warning.

Here are the ten critical steps I took that enabled my sons and me to move forward in our lives. They may prove beneficial to anyone else who has also experienced a tragic loss.

Step 1: Allow yourself to grieve.

Grieving is normal. How and for how long you grieve is an individual decision. There is no time limit on grief, although the intensity of it tends to lessen with time. Any signs of depression and/or the prolonged inability to complete basic daily tasks, however, may warrant professional intervention.

Step 2: Define, destroy, or drive.

Loss often requires us to make a choice between one of the following: Will this loss define me, destroy me, or drive me? What would your loved one want for you? What will you choose? For most of us, it would be the latter.

Step 3: Find and embrace your village.

Friends, family, and grief-related community organizations can provide much-needed support during this time of loss. Be willing to accept it.

Step 4: Avoid prolonged isolation.

It’s natural for you to want to grieve in silence or to be simply alone to reflect on treasured memories, and that’s okay.

Alone time is something we all crave on occasion, even when we aren’t dealing with loss. However, in time, strive to be in the company of others when it makes sense. The goal is to ensure that you are not slipping into a state of loneliness, which, when prolonged, can lead to depression.

Step 5: Set realistic goals.

And by realistic, I mean anything that feels real for you. Don’t worry about what everyone else thinks. What will you do with your loved one’s possessions? Have you tied up all loose ends pertaining to their business affairs? Take action according to your calendar and what makes most sense to you.

Step 6: Get reacquainted with self-care.

This is so important. Self-care is easy to overlook, especially during this time. However, remember, when you are not taking care of yourself, everyone in your circle suffers.

Schedule and keep your own medical and dental appointments. Remember to get proper sleep. Lack of sleep has the potential to lead to a host of other problems, especially health-related. Contrary to popular belief, you cannot catch up on all sleep that is already lost. Make self-care a non-negotiable task.

Step 7: Implement processes that enable you to manage yourself, your family, and your career.

Putting systems and processes in place, such as daily schedules and automation of finances, will help you stay organized and connected to what is most important. Normalcy is a good thing.

Step 8: Honor your loved one’s memory.

Find a cause or organization that is related to your loved one’s interests. Volunteer; host a fundraiser in their name.

One year my oldest son organized a teddy bear drive. He collected over fifty and donated them to the children’s bereavement program that he and his brother participated in. Most recently, my youngest son raised funds via a walk-a-thon for the American Heart Association. It’s a win-win for everyone.

Step 9: Create a sense of purpose.

We all have one. What’s yours? Loss, unfortunately, reminds us that life is finite. Follow your passions to create a sense of purpose, and begin to live it every single day. You are worthy!

Step 10: Give yourself permission to move forward with your life, guilt-free.

Whether we want it to or not, life does go on—with or without our input. However, the world would definitely be a better place with it!

If you’ve experienced a loss, I encourage you to allow yourself to mourn, get professional help, if needed, be present for your family, and take care of yourself.

Most importantly, remember that as difficult as it may seem now, loss does not have to equal lost.

http://deedeesblog.com/2016/01/14/10-steps-to-find-yourself-again-after-loss/

CC: lalasticlala

She asked if she could take a sip
From my bottle of coke,
She was dressed in rags.
She looked so dirty
And very repulsive
That I hesitated
And drew back from her,
In the crowded railway station,
Looking around to see if anyone caught me doing that.


She saw my hesitation and smiled sadly.
She turned away from me,
But not before she whispered:
“God be with you sir”.
As I watched her move away,
I felt touched by her words,
She looked so unfed
Her body looked very malnourished.
She felt like she needed all the food she could get.

I struggled with my emotions
As she walked away
Yet I could not grant her request.
It was a long journey ahead of me,
A five hour journey and I sure would need a bottle of coke,
Or even a bottle of water at least.
The ten pounds in my wallet
Would barely cover my transportation
From the station to grandma’s house.

People turned away from her,
As she walked towards them
They held up their nose up at her odor.
And turned their backs on her,
Just like I did.
She looked around hesitantly,
That was when I caught sight of her lips.
They were so dry, so patched,
That I knew could hold on to that bottle of coke no longer.

I called out to her,
Apologizing for turning away the first time.
I let her have it all – the bottle of coke.
Her features changed,
She smiled,
And gladly accepted my offer.
With a shaky voice she whispered:
“God bless you beyond your reasoning Mister,
You are such a life saver”

She never drank from the bottle,
She walked away instead
Hastening her steps;
My curiosity made me follow her.
Right around the corner
Near the railway workers shed
She stopped and bent beside a bundle of rags
She uncorked the bottle and
Poured the contents into the mouth
Of a little boy wrapped in the bundle.

I felt weak
And fell to my knees as a sob rose to my throat,
Choking up in my guts,
As tears welled up in my eyes.
I could have turned away
And allowed the child die of thirst.
To my feet I rose again,
Dipping my hands into my pocket
To part with my ten pounds.

Till I got to my destination,
I never stopped crying.
In my heart the pictures repeated themselves.
Her smile when she received the ten pounds
Was heart-rending,
Her joy when she bought herself a bottle of water
Was overwhelming.
She thanked me nonstop till I left her side
Such was her joy.

Till date when I think about it,
Tears well up in my eyes,
And I thank God for not allowing me
Choose a need so trivial over a life so wonderful.
Even though I never saw them again,
I never failed to whisper a word of prayer for their souls,
And I sure hope to God that I shall find them in heaven.
Where once again I will apologize
For almost ignoring them at the point of their needs…….

http://deedeesblog.com/2016/01/13/putting-their-needs-above/

cc: lalasticlala

For Politics, Relationships and Wetin Dey...accross the country and beyond.

Check out

Deedeesblog.com

+2348067484109

lexxyrule:
Please contact me for a new whole blogging idea and partnership. Preferably someone in Abuja or lagos. That's my route, I want someone I can meet in person

Will considere anyone from any State Who's a brainiac and someone who knows PHP

I am in Lagos though.

You can check deedeesblog.com out.

eleojo23:
OP, you did not post everything here and you want it to make FP? I doubt if that will happen. Post everything here and then include the source link. That will increase your chance of making it to the front page.
Just an advice. Good morning.

Thanks Boss. It's really long and I don't want it to bore people out already.

I've done the needful though. Thanks again.

People need to know this. You do all this and it changes your lives for ever.

CC: Lalasticlala

“I would rather die of passion than of boredom.” ~Vincent Van Gogh

I attended an interesting event a few nights ago. It featured ten speakers who spoke for ten minutes each on ten things you should know before you die.

The speakers included TV and film stars, CEOs, cover-shooting photojournalists, traveling journalists covering natural disasters, and HIV survivors. As you can image, there was a wide spectrum of perspectives shared.

Here are a few of the lessons that stuck out for me. A lot of these can profoundly change your mindset, how you view the world, and how you choose to react to things. You just need to take a step back and put things into perspective, which leads us into our first one.

1. Maintain perspective.

A journalist told a story of how he traveled to Haiti after the devastating earthquake that hit them a few years back. In the capital of Port-au-Prince many of the homes had fallen apart, and people who already had nothing were now living in small plots of land in public squares in the city.

The separations between each family’s plot were drawn in by hand, with tents and tarps set up overhead.
In one particular plot was for a seven-year-old girl and a one-year-old boy.

The speaker spoke a bit of Creole French and asked the people in neighboring tents which family these children were with. They replied, “That is the family.”

The seven-year-old girl and one-year-old boy’s parents and older siblings had been killed. She was now responsible for this baby.

This is where the notion of perspective comes in. The next time you’re upset at traffic, or someone is taking too long in the checkout line, or someone hasn’t texted you back quickly enough, take a step back and ask yourself, in the grand scheme of things, is this really worth being upset about?

The book Unbroken drove this point home for me. Reading what this man went through quickly made me realize, if I were privileged to be born into a first world country (Canada) in the current peaceful time, I have absolutely nothing to complain about. A reminder to myself the next time Netflix is slow to load something…

2. Take care of your health.

Health is the gateway to happiness. If you are not living with your fullest energy and vibrancy, how can you expect to get the most from life?

This was the main message from a middle-aged woman and entrepreneur who broke the status quo and went her own way in life, much to the dismay of her parents. She dropped out of school and traveled the world, falling into a few rough crowds on the journey and eventually settling in Toronto.

There, she visited a local fresh juice place that ended up changing her life. She fell in love with how the juices made her feel and the energy they gave her, and ended up opening her own juice place called “Juice for Life” (which her Jewish parents hilariously thought was called “Jews for Life” at first). She’s now the founder and CEO of Fresh Restaurants chain in Toronto.

Anyone who knows me knows health is massively important to me as well. I always pose the question: Is it not a bit crazy to think that people will spend more money on their car, their fashion, and accessories than they would on their body?

Ask anyone with a serious illness what would they rather have; they all would give up everything they own to get healthy and undo the damage that was done.

3. Be true to yourself and your calling.

If you are living and doing something that doesn’t align with you, how can you ever be truly happy and enlightened?

This was the main message from the founder of Yuk Yuk’s comedy club, a popular spot in Toronto.

You can imagine the reaction he got from his friends and family when he told them he wanted to enter the comedy business. This was his passion, however, and he knew from experience that if he was doing something different, he would rarely be at peace or be inspired.

When you find something that aligns and resonates with you, you will know it from the energy it gives you.

The Vincent Van Gogh quotes sums the message here up quite nicely: Would you rather die of passion or of boredom?

4. Don’t be afraid to stand out.

When you go your own way and make your own path, you alone write your legacy.

This was the motto of a female photojournalist who spoke to us. She joined the world of journalism in the sixties and seventies, when it was completely dominated by men. She was different from what was considered the norm and despite ridicule, sexist remarks, and being seen as lower, she used it to her advantage.

Being shorter than the male photographers, she was always in front of the pack, allowing her to capture some of the closest, most personal photos. She became one of the first females to have their photos published on the cover of multiple well know magazines, and went on to be the prime journalist covering Terry Fox’s run across Canada.

It is your inherent right to challenge the status quo. Never be afraid to forge your own destiny due to the thoughts of others. People may laugh at you because you are different. You could pack up and quit here, or you could feel sorry for them because they are all the same.

As well, never be afraid to challenge why things are the way they are. After all, this is the very question that has forged almost all innovation mankind has ever done.

5. Don’t play the victim.

As I mentioned earlier, one of the speakers was a girl born with HIV. She was abandoned by her parents and adopted by a supporting family with nine other adopted children.

Her new family took her in with love and put her through school like a normal child. But when the other children’s parents found out she had HIV, it was no longer normal. They refused to invite her over to birthday parties and sleepovers and forbade their children from being friends with her.

She could have closed up and felt angry at the world, but instead she took a position of power and action. Now in her late teens, she has spoken globally, on major TV networks and YouTube, to educate the world on HIV and how ridiculous it is to “ban” your kids from socializing with someone who has it.

Many people constantly place blame on everything and everyone and make themselves a victim. Why did this happen to me? Why can’t I make more money? Why am I stuck at this job?

The world doesn’t owe you anything; you were not born a victim. Yet when you look around how many people do you find complaining about their situation but not taking any action or effort to improve it?

The world gives you so much to work with if you work with it and put in the effort.

6. Re-direct your energy.

An actress told her story of failed audition after failed audition while witnessing other people’s success. She knew she could have gotten caught in the negative energy of envy and blame—upset that others were getting roles, getting paid more, or traveling more.

She didn’t go this way, though; she knew envy can be channeled into focus and motivation.

The lesson in here is quite simple. Instead of wasting energy being angry, envious, or jealous of those with more success, redirect that energy and ask, “What can I learn from this person to improve my own life?”

As a result of doing this, she re-auditioned for a part she hadn’t received and was so motivated she ended up blowing them away and getting the role on the spot.

7. Give your attention.

One of the speakers began his talk with a severe stutter. The energetic crowd grew quiet, not knowing how to react. He then switched to a more fluent voice and told the audience he suffered with this stutter for the first twenty years of his life.

When he was a young teen, he worked at one of Vidal Sassoon’s salons, doing odd behind the scenes jobs where he didn’t need to speak, like sweeping and tidying up after customers. Most people didn’t give him the time of day or would mock his difficulty in speaking.

One day it was announced that Vidal Sassoon himself, the CEO, was coming to visit their Salon. Vidal made a point to meet with everyone, from the highest manager to the ones attending to the cut hair on the floor.

When he approached the young boy, he asked what his name was. The boy tried to respond but was too nervous, and his stutter was so severe that he just could not get his name out. Vidal smiled, crouched down in front of him, and said “It’s okay, son, I have all the time in the world.”

The greatest gift you can give someone is your attention. Never allow yourself to get in the mindset that people are “below you,” because even the smallest conversation can make someone’s day. People will forget many things, but they will always remember how others made them feel.

—

Imagine a world where everyone learned the lessons above from a young age. It’s possible, but starts with each of us

http://deedeesblog.com/2016/01/13/7-things-everyone-should-learn-before-they-die/

GoldenDr:
If you scale through just consider yourself being trained by the best hands. Exposure.

LOL...someone with Deloitte experience nko?, which best hands again??

Lionel Messi reclaimed the FIFA Ballon d’Or award for the world player of the year on Monday, after watching his great rival Cristiano Ronaldo walk off with the prize for the previous two years.

See comprehensive pictures @ http://deedeesblog.com/2016/01/11/soccer-messi-wins-ballon-dor-for-fifth-time-pictures/

“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” ~Catherine Ponder



Somewhere in the middle of my freshman year of college, my best friend from high school broke up with me. Out of nowhere, she just stopped talking to me. I tried relentlessly to reconnect, but she stopped responding and never gave me an answer why.

For years it was the most painful heartbreak I had going in my life. It’s still what I consider my worst break-up. And it haunted me until I decided to forgive her.

Forgiveness sounded ludicrous to me at first, but eventually, the pain of carrying the grudge seemed like it might be worse than the pain of setting it down.

I heard a number of people in my life, including one of my yoga teachers, talk about the power of forgiveness. While I didn’t get there right away, I started to marinate on the idea of forgiving my former friend.

I became curious about what acceptance and non-attachment could look like with someone who had really hurt me. It took months after deciding that I wanted to forgive. Until one night, I was ready.

I drafted the email, did a small amount of Internet stalking, and sent it. I apologized for my role in the breakdown of our friendship, offered my forgiveness, and wished her well. I gave her the best last gift I could: to set my grudge down.

What surprised me was what I gained in the process.

1. Space and quiet

Forgiving gives us the space and quiet to invest in new people and nourishing ideas.

Once I let go, I stopped spinning the story in my mind over and over. My mind simply didn’t need to keep hanging on to the old narrative any more. It had space to cover new ground rather than rehashing yesterday’s news.

2. Self-compassion

When I forgave my friend, I was also able to forgive myself for some past mistakes. Forgiveness requires practice, like anything else. It’s like developing a new muscle.

If I could let go of my greatest hurt, I could surely offer that same reprieve to myself. I’m now gentler with myself when I make mistakes. I know that offering myself compassion and then moving on from the situation is not only possible but much more loving.

3. Trust in others

I don’t see friendship through the same lens any more. I have more faith in the people in my life and understand that while friendships end, it’s not the end of the world. I live in my relationships more presently.

I don’t waste an opportunity to tell the people in my life what they mean to me. I trust in my friends. It took me a long time to get there, but forgiveness gave me back that capacity to trust in the people around me. By letting go of bitterness and cynicism, you too will be better able to trust in others again.

See concluding part @ http://deedeesblog.com/2016/01/11/set-yourself-free-5-things-you-gain-when-you-forgive/

missingrib:
a new song or a poem?

a poem

It is quite difficult to forget the pledge made by President Muhammadu Buhari to Nigerians, during a dinner celebrating the Independence of Benin in 2015. He promised that his administration would conquer Boko Haram at the end of the year.

Eagerly, we waited for the President to fulfill his promise and act within the principles that he seemed his predecessor lacked. 2015 has come and gone, we still live in the shadows of Boko Haram.

It was a promise that the head of state would also reiterate to fellow Nigerians, who eagerly waited for him to make good on his promise and act with the decisiveness that Buhari had accused his predecessor, Goodluck Jonathan, of lacking. Yet as 2015 drew to a close and 2016 rises, the spectre of Boko Haram loomed as large as ever over Africa’s most populous state.

If you can still remember, barely had Buhari announced that its vow had been fulfilled that 50 and more people were slaughtered in the embattled states of Borno and Adamawa. Those wary of the announcement from the presidency on conquering Boko Haram were vindicated, and there is fear among the people – the Boko Haram touched states and even other parts of the country.

There is more @ http://deedeesblog.com/2016/01/10/boko-haram-and-the-defeat-that-we-dream-of/

Ada-Officer.
A dozen love songs play in my head as I bask in the completeness of your beauty.
But none of them could effectively describe the words I’d wish to use.
Asa m, simply put;
You complete me!

Even the flowers pan as your shadows fall on them,
To drink from the shades of your shapely structure!
For a beauty the eyes beholds will forever remain imprinted in its memory.
Asa m, let me tell you;
Even ounces of gold dust would stand no chance next to you!

Asa m Petepe!
Obi m!
You who have held my heart captive, never to be released to another.
You who, through your acts, once again resuscitated my laughter!
You who, through your bosom, my seeds would be ‘mothered’.

Ada-Officer!

My yansh itched again,

As the sun’s heat permeated through my skin,

Making me groan from inside.

I began to think of the best way to scratch the stupid thing

Without attracting attention to myself.



It was Xmas period,

I had been paid a very silly amount to be a mascot

For a primary school having their Santa Claus show;

My job was to stay in front of the school like a statue for three hours,

While only changing positions un-noticeably at intervals.



I was dressed in my customary uniform;

My upper body left bare, while

A white wrapper adorned my lower body.

All uncovered sections of my body were smeared with thick coats of white paint.

You would mistake me

For a ‘Ojuju Calabar’

Imagine!

All these, for a meager amount of 2,500 naira! (Pshew!)



As the sun scorched,

The heat became unbearable

And my body itched more

My body?

Forgerit o! Na the yansh own bad pass.

Kai! Come see me see wahala o!

I robotically ‘scratched’ my ‘yansh’

As it started its Libya rebellion again,

Praying also that my time will soon be up

And I can collect the useless money and go home.



While bemoaning my fate,

And regretting ever subjecting myself to the mascot ‘wahala’;

A mad man walked past.

He must have heard me hiss

Because he suddenly paused and looked back:

He peered at me with interest.

His curiosity got the better of him

And he walked back towards me.



Yee!

Mo gbe!

Mo ti daran!

I began to sweat profusely as he walked towards me.

I contemplated between running for my dear life

And pretending I was a statue.

Before I could make up my mind

He stood right in front of me and studied me

Like a student studying for JAMB.

Suddenly he poked at my chest with his index finger.

Me ke! Smart guy!

I no even breathe not to talk of shaking.

Na me go come mumu sotay mad man go re-arrange my life.

He poked my forehead, I remained still.

He cocked his head to one side and stared at me.



He poked me again,

This time around,

On my paint covered tummy.

I no shake lailai

He arched his eyebrow and he pulled my nose.

Still I did not move,

But me know say I don dey enter am small-small.



Suddenly he bent to pick a piece of wood

That had been lying at my feet all the while.

As he raised his hand to smack me with the wood,

I farted loudly.

Ol’ Boy! The mess loud no be small!

The mad man paused as the sound and smell reached him,

Giving me time to device a new plan.

I thought about running

But when I remembered my 2,5 I changed my mind.

Before he could raise his hand again,

I started a very slow robotic dance

That caught his attention;

He dropped the wood and watched me with interest.

Before I could say ‘Amen’

Bros sef don join me for the dance.

Ol’ boy!

Come see as mad man dey dance running man.

When he got engrossed in the dance

I began to stylishly move from my spot.



He must have noticed because he paused,

Cocked his head again and

Tore me two very hot slaps!

Twack! Twack!

The slap rang louder than any Chinko ringtone I ever heard in my life.

As I saw him raise his hand for another slap

Eewo!

I moved!

Kai!

If you see me that day you go know say Usain Bolt no sabi run rara.

The slap hot sotay I forget my money.

Na how to comot the side dey my mind

As for my 2,5…..

Well, Maybe I go collect am tomorrow sha!

http://deedeesblog.com/2016/01/09/childhood-naughtiness-the-case-of-the-mascot-and-the-mad-man/

James Ogunjimi wrote on Facebook and i completely endorse....

"They are mentioning names of the beneficiaries of the arms deal, everyone is happy. We are calling them names and asking them to be sent to jail. When it gets to the turn of your pastors and Adeboye, Oritsejafor and Oyedepo's names come up, don't start that "touch not my anointed" bullshit o. We will not only touch them; we will drag their asses to the EFCC's office ourselves to vomit the yams they ate.

http://deedeesblog.com/