₦airaland Forum

That afternoon, as I prepared my meal, I felt really mischievous.

Maybe I should have stuck to my tradition and just prepare my Eba,

But the thought of what my friend, Femi, told me the day before still rang in my mind.

Femi told me that he ate a plate of beans that one of his other friends had cooked with Indian hemp and nothing happened to him. He said he never even felt sluggish or goofy like some people had said ‘Igbo’ use to make somebody feel.

As I transferred the hot water from the kettle into the bowl I wanted to use in preparing the Eba, the cleanliness and the purity of the water struck me so much that it reminded me of something – My father’s Seaman’s Aromatic schnapps.

Suddenly a thought struck my mind;

I felt that if Femi could eat a plate of beans that had ‘Igbo’ in it and nothing happened to him I could also do this and show to him that I was better than him.

I dropped the kettle and made for the refrigerator.

I returned with one of my father’s bottle of schnapps and since no one was in the house with me I had the liberty to do as I pleased.

I uncorked the bottle of schnapps and turned nearly half of the contents into the kettle,

I also poured the water in the bowl back into the kettle and returned the kettle to the stove.

Five minutes later the water boiled again.

As I poured the water inside the bowl the heat stung my eyes.

Stupid me; all I had on my mind was just to break Femi’s record; it never occurred to me that I was dancing at the edge of a very big wahala.

After preparing the Eba I warmed the draw soup, adding a little quantity of schnapps to it tastier as it warmed on the fire.

Two minutes later my food was ready, and as I carried the food to the dining table Femi my friend walked in.

He saw what I carried and without invitation he washed his hands and joined me as I balanced gingerly in front of the bowl of Eba that would have fed four able bodied men successfully.

To be honest with you the first okele tasted awful,

It had a sharp taste like an over-fermented garri in a bowl of cold water.

It nearly peeled off the skin of my tongue.

I shrugged what I felt off when I saw the way Femi my friend consumed the Eba in huge lumps.

Between mouthfuls he kept saying “Omo ounje yii dun gan-an o, ahan ta lo se na?!”

After a couple of ‘okele’ I started to feel funny,

I felt as if I was being lifted off the grounds by some unseen hands.

I looked around me, really scared, but I discovered that I was still sitting on the dining chair and Femi was still in front of me eating Eba like a crazy man running after a lover.

I kept on eating, trying to keep up pace with the rate at which Femi was consuming my Eba.

Suddenly I started to feel hot sweating from deep within,

My right hand, the one I was using to lift the Eba to my mouth, started to feel very heavy.

As I tried to lift the hand from the table I began to feel funny again.

I had to support the hand with my other hand before I could lift it to my mouth.

I looked around the house and it felt like I was in a circus because everything had begun to spin round and round.

I felt so hot that I decided to pull my cloths.

I did not bother to rinse my draw-soup stained hand; I just wiped it on my tee shirt and began to pull at my top.

I pulled off my tee shirt yet I did not feel better, instead I felt hotter.

I was even beginning to sweat. Hmm!

I pulled off my singlet, still the same issue.

I pulled off my trousers and had only my boxer shorts left, yet I felt the same way – very hot!!

I looked up only to see Femi my friend jogging round our dining table.

When I asked him what he was doing, he said he was preparing to go and compete against Michael Johnson at the Olympics and so he needed to prepare very well.

To me it felt like a good idea, if he was contesting against Michael Johnson, I could contest against Donovan Bailey.

I joined him and we began to jog round the dining table.

He; completely clothed, me; almost completely naked. Both of us jogged round the dining table like two complete idiots.

As we jogged round the dining table I felt much lighter, light enough to fly.

I really felt like flying.

I told him I had an idea –

And this was my idea.

Before we go ahead to contest against Michael Johnson and Donovan Bailey we should practice flying so that when they are about to dust us on the tracks we will jump up and begin to fly like birds towards the finishing line.

He agreed without question and we both stepped out of our living room to the balcony,

Sorry I forgot to tell you that we live on the mid-floor of a two storey building.

As we stepped onto the balcony we began to argue about who would fly first.

My argument was that ‘it was me who brought the idea, so I should be the first to fly’,

His argument was that he was older, and that older ones do things first and younger ones follow.

We were still arguing when we walked towards the railing guarding the balcony of our mid-floor flat.

Before I could say ‘JOHN BULL’ Femi rushed towards the railings, climbed over it and jumped.

He jumped with his hands spread out like someone shouting ‘Halleluyah’.

He even shouted ‘aaaaahhhh!!!!’ as he jumped.

Don’t ask me if this is true or not o, because it is.

As Femi landed on the ground floor he crumpled like a pack of cards and let out a huge yelp, changing his tune from “aaaaahhhh!!!!!” to “Yeeeee!! Mogbe o! Ori mi o! Ese mi o!!”

When I looked over the railings and saw him sprawled on the ground I change my mind.

I no longer felt like flying. Now I felt like urinating

I walked into the toilet to urinate.

One look at the WC with the clean water in it, I change my mind. That place was just too clean to be defiled.

I walked out still looking for where to wee-wee.

The only direction my legs walked was that of the kitchen.

As I got into the kitchen I sighted the oven and another thought crossed my mind.

How would my urine feel if it was boiled?

I opened the oven and pulled out my test tube relieving myself inside.

I closed the oven and forgot to warm my urine as I earlier planned,

My mind was already on another adventure.

By now I was no longer seeing well again – everything had become blurry and I was getting real tired. Also I was beginning to feel like emptying my bowels.

As I tried to step out of the sitting room to the balcony again my father walked in.

Let me not lie to you, at the point when he walked in I never knew it was my father who walked in, I only thought it was one of my younger ones who had walked in.

I got really angry that he stood in my way as I tried to step out.

He must have said something because I saw his lips move but then I could not remember if he actually spoke then or it may be my mind played tricks on me.

“Gerrout jare!” I said “Shey o ri wipe mo fe koja ni?” I pushed him out of the way intending to step out onto the balcony.

I do not know what spurred his next reaction, whether it was my half naked body or the way I pushed him roughly out of the way,

I only remembered that before I could take another step further one very hot slap landed on my face from behind,

Shey you know that kind of slap that your parents dash you from behind, the kind of slap that covers half of your face and one full ear from behind?

Before I could blink twice another one landed right on the same spot where the first one landed.

Honestly, before God and man, the second slap cleared my face and the ogogoro induced trance wiped off immediately.

Ol boy! That day was the worse in my life; the trashing I received was more than the number of ‘okeles’ Femi and I put together ate.

I was beaten so much that my buttocks peeled off like the shell of a boiled egg. Did I tell you one of us poopoo-ed in the pot of soup? Don’t ask me who did it, even I don’t know. I sha know that one of us did.

As for Femi, he broke a leg that took over six months to heal and even with the broken leg we still perpetrated another act.

Anyway that is a story for another day.

Me nko? The next time my father brought out his bottle of schnapps I took to my heels like a mad man.

Abi who wan enter yawa the second time?

www.deedeesblog.com... Our life in Style...

See the feedback I got from another thread, can someone please explain this more?

Thanks....

mokoshalb:
though i have known wordpress blog for fast loading and uniqueness, but sorry to say, your blog is otherwise....
work more on your layout and load speed to get the better of wp

How do you mean my layout and load speed. I got this from another thread!

Please be more clear! Thanks

expertix:
Yee! nice and professionally setup. Where is it hosted? I have not noticed any ads on the blog, why? I there no traffic or what?

Cheers.

I'm just two months old Bro, and then, I'm not really focused on the adverts for now! Wanna build the content to a point where I'll be proud....

Then traffic isn't helping as well... Maybe it's cos I'm still early! The movement has been impressive tho...

I'll leave it there, may wanna discuss one or two things in private. Thanks for the feedback, I really appreciate!

oncolor1:
Your blog really looks professional! Good job bro, that's some good skills you have there. I'm surprised you don't have thousands of followers already.

I'm just two months old Sir!!... Thanks for the feedback!

See more!!

What do you guys think??

Rukkydelta:
Nice one

Thanks

Can someone please help me review this blog: www.deedeesblog.com

Thanks

Can you help in reviewing this?

www.deedeesblog.com

Thanks

Jacksparr0w1207:
ask me again. One more time

Na wa oh!!

KingRex1:
Funny how guys bash ladies nd still drool for them.. Whos fooling who?

??

BreezyCB:
Nice

Thanks

Jadekitana:
This thread deserves my urine wait I will be back

Still waiting for your urine.

I wanted something like a mix of both masculine and feminine, and more like a brand thingy when i eventually commence writing...

...My second name comes to mind!....I'm sure you know the name already!

Ciao

I don’t think Khloe needs to do this, after Ciara and fiance publicly declared that they have been in a relationship with a vow of celibacy.

According to the inquisitr.com

Khloe Kardashian really thinks that Ciara and Russell Wilson should be having sex, and the Kocktails with Khloe host also seems to have an issue with the celebrity couple speaking out about their celibacy vow — she believes that their abstinence talk is just a publicity stunt. It’s important to point out that this complaint is coming from a reality show star who constantly makes headlines by sharing the graphic details of her sex life.

During Wednesday’s episode of Kocktails with Khloe, Khloe criticised the celibacy vow of singer Ciara and her NFL star boyfriend, Seattle Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson. A confused Khloe first suggested that Ciara might be trying to convince people that she’s still a virgin by talking about abstaining from sex with Russell Wilson.
“They should be having sex. With all due respect to Ciara, she has a baby,” Khloe Kardashian said, according to Gossip Cop. “It’s not like we don’t know if she is a virgin or not.”

The Kocktails with Khloe host then went on to suggest that Ciara is simply engaging in attention-seeking behavior by talking about her celibacy vow.

Hmmmn…..Na wa oh…I just hope Khloe is happy for her, whatever they posited to remain as. BIKO!

Sources said they decided to remain celibate during the period of the relationship before the engagement.

Happy to hear that, No?

American singer Ciara is officially engaged to Football player Russell Wilson.

She posted the engagement on her IG account, and added that she felt complete.

Well, I am happy for her oh, after all the bashings from Future. Now the guy can rest...abi no be so?

See more here: http://deedeesblog.com/2016/03/12/ciara-is-officially-engaged/

Countering the banter...

https://www.nairaland.com/2985435/counter-thread-why-lagos-ladies

LORDSAMURAI:
?

??

Let me bother you for a minute, please cut us guys a little slack will you? It isn’t easy working so hard in your life and then a lady just comes into the picture, waltzing into you and hoping to continually suck all your hard earned money.

I came to Lagos in 2014, from Ibadan with the understanding that, whether you like it or yes. A lady will truly love for your ideas, your level of intelligence and the prospects you have to be a better man in the future.

Fast forward 2014, I joined one of the big fours, 3 months later, at an event at Ikoyi, I met a yellow pawpaw babe, I flirted with her and then we gisted and all.

Next question is how much do you have in your account? Do you have a car? How did you get to this party. Biko help me ask her why she will ask such questions if she really cares about my person.

Gone are the days when girls can agree to jump buses with you, follow you eat amala at Iya Mistura’s Mama Put. We are now in days of having dates by the beach, lunch at Ocean View, and clubbing TDB.

I was supposed to hang out with a medical student of UNILAG. Where we scheduled to meet at Leisure Mall Surulere. Imagine the babe asking me if I have a car, and if I can come pick her up! Good riddance. So if I have a car, I should waste my fuel bah? Despite being the one that will foot the all. Nonsense! pick ko, drop ni

See another story, a friend of mine wanted to go out on a date with some girl he was crushing on, he felt the feeling was mutual lol. He entered into an arrangement with a cab guy to even come and pick them both. He got to the babe’s house and called her. While he was there waiting for the babe to come out, another guy came in a Mercedes G-wagon and whisked her away. So tell me, is it our fault to ask you what you do too, where you work and whether ya papa na Otedola? Huh?

I went to visit a friend at one of the most popular estates around Chevron drive, as we entered into her estate, I was amazed at the level of architectural masterpiece as against my Bode Thomas, Surulere Area. As we moved close to one gigantic house like this, we heard sounds of beatins, whippings and crying. I was shocked at the level of the beating, only to notice after 30 minutes, a lady came out with swollen eyes and dorning Ray Ban Shades entering calmly into a Lexus Jeep with smiles all on her face. Im like what the f***? My friend smiled and said! Well, now we can substitute happiness with a little bit of Gold digging.

Biko, Do not leave responsibilities to guys! Baes should also be accountable for their gold digging tendencies. They are worse off. Shebi our own still better..we dey ask just one girl question huh? Ladies sef will ask questions to numerous guys and instead of sticking to gold dig one. Dem go gold dig all of them and then settle with the one wey dey gullible pass….LOL

‘Please Boo make us some meal, will you?

No I will not, let us go to Kilimanjaro or Spurs, they really have some new meals that is affordable.’

No I don’t want to; some real homemade food will do just fine

I am not cooking, I hate cooking, I don’t know how to cook…

That was the discussion between Deolu and Gwen, both are lovers with Deolu a very good friend of mine. This has gradually become the bane of lots of arguments between lovers in recent times, with the ladies being at the fore front of eating outside their boos house, and not wanting to even make a real meal for the guy despite the guy’s kitchen being stocked with lots of food that would make even KFC green with envy.

I also had this discussion with a girlfriend of mine, I really wanted to understand the reason why a lot of Nigerians girls are either bad cooks or they don’t just want to make a meal either in a relationship or courting.

This has seriously degenerated to the point that a lot of married women, do not even cook or just know how to cook for their husbands. It is not uncommon these days to witness even married women wake up as early as 6:30 am in the morning with flasks and plates heading to canteens and restaurants to get meals for their children to take to school. Well, they make good business for the food vendor you will say, anyway, that’s fine.

Some girls will even go as far as stating with pride; ‘I don’t know how to cook, a man who wants to marry me must take me for who I am’ yet the following month they come all crying of heart break and all, wanting sympathizers to blame the guy for breaking their hearts. Sorry. Well, while we can’t confirm that the inability of a lady to cook has contributed significantly to most breakups, the possibility of a breakup could be higher where the lady can’t cook or just don’t want to or think it’s important. Ask me why, it’s a natural course and this can be premised on the popular old saying that “the way to the heart of a man is his belly”!

This trend is really a thing of concern to me, or is it just that I am getting it all twisted? I also need to mention that I have met and come across some lady friends who are just amazing cooks! They do it excellently and effortlessly, with great passion and zeal like it’s a lifesaving mission. Sometimes back, when Ifeoluwa asked me what I wanted for my birthday, a lady friend who is a great cook, I gave her a menu and told her I wanted her to cook it for me – BOOM, it was done, on my birthday! While it’s neither not all about cooking nor sex, it takes a lot to make a total woman, but maybe these are very important of mentioning.

I understand that in Lagos these days and everywhere else in fact, working hard is now the in thing and in actual fact, a lot of people do not have the time to make meals because they believe that it is work first before anything.

Even in relationships, ladies prefer to eat most of the junk meals out there rather than making efforts in delivering a local delicacy for their boyfriends and fiancés. When it comes to sex or lovemaking as the case maybe, some girls are actually very good to the point that they know all the styles, acrobatics, and even the semantics and reaching full crescendo when it comes to the art, but how about cooking?I have held a lot of interviews with young, eligible bachelors and even married men who claimed that they value good cooks in their homes as wives rather than ladies who know all the sex styles of this world.

Mike, who work around Victoria Island, said “We will both grow old sometime and then we will not even be able to have sex as we used to, but what keeps you here, in my heart is your ability to make a good meal and take care of my home. I’d rather die than allow my kids to even eat outside the meal of my wife”.While he may be a little bit subjective in his outburst, I’ll rather say that he is really being sincere and has triggered a subject of discourse and what is increasingly alarming in today’s youths.

Why do we have ladies that do not want/like to cook? Why are there beautiful women who do not even know how to make a meal? Why are ladies comfortable with working and making money at the expense of pleasing and making their men and/or kids comfortable?

I remember a lady told me sometimes back, when I said my wife must be a very good cook “Deedees, you go tey en?, maybe you will have to go and marry a teacher, because you cannot expect me to work 8 am to 12 am everyday and now get home to make a meal for you’’.

I quite agree with her to some extent, yes, you work and make all the money but how about weekends. This will not be a bad idea in fact. You find time to hang out, go for dinners, events, and even spend as long as 30 minutes showing your dexterity in bed, yet you cannot spare 15-20mins making some very decent meals.

In recent times, men show romance even in the kitchen, by staying with their women, helping them out, while the woman does the whole cooking thingy. This is termed to be romantic on the part of the men. Maybe cooking is the new sex, lol. It can be as romantic and engaging as the sexual act itself.

Have you really asked yourself why your relationship is not working well as it ought to, ladies claim they give guys their all by performing all the artistic arts of sexual fulfillment in bed, yet they cannot juggle up a decent meal.

Concluding part here:

http://deedeesblog.com/2016/03/12/deedees-musings-you-are-good-in-bed-and-so-what/

I remember when I first came to Lagos; Mama Mistura comes to mind.

The joy of always seeing her at her canteen willing to feed Oga officer's hungry bones with loads of 'beef' and 'bokoto' comes to mind!

I will never forget my first year in Lagos, fun and exciting..still..away from the stress and rigors of the day, into welcoming arms of MaMa Mistura's pot of 'you know what'...

If you like form buttyish and say you only take the junks of Lagos Island's Palms, the ice creams of ICM, the poundos of Kilmanjaro, Pizza of Debonaires and what have you....name it, we have eaten it all.

But when the chicken comes home to roost, it's with MaMa Mistura's bokoto...

Deedeesphotoblog had the opportunity of capturing MaMa Mistura's pot of gold in our Canon Lens..and viola, here we are...Welcome to the 'loki' world.

For more life pictures, check us out @ www.deedeesblog.com

Our life in Style...

naijaboiy:
[color=#1980BC]I totally agree with you Op. But the problem is these girls do not prefer it that way.

You see to these girls of nowadays, it is better you walk up to them and lie about your feelings for them. Just tell them whatever they want to hear and you will get them so easily.

Girls think in the reverse. That is why approaching them and telling them what you want straight up can almost never work(except of course in rare occasions). This is how everything has been programmed to be.

I keep telling most of my female friends that no guy ever looks at a girl for the first time and the thought that comes to his mind is to date her right away or love. For a guy, Lust comes before love. He may not have his way with her before the lust transforms into love but in other cases,it is after he has had sex before the love begins to manifest.[/color]

#Gbam

Click the link below for the concluding part:

http://deedeesblog.com/2016/03/10/my-intentions-your-decision/

A few months back a friend of mine was unhappy and quite livid, she kept going on and on about how guys are despicable and brainless. I asked what happened and she recounted how a guy she just met on WhatsApp told her plainly that he wanted to have sex with her, he was even explicit as regards how he wanted the sex to go down, (a scene from 50 shades of grey comes to mind ) he wanted an all-night romp. Believe me I had to check the dictionary to know what that meant.

In spite of being a guy, I had to agree with her that indeed he was way out of line, why will he ask her for sex when she is not a prostitute?! He hadn’t even asked her out yet! They just met online and she wasn’t even sure how he got her number.

I called him a pig, I said he’s a disgrace to all men and frankly condemned what he did but then, I got to think, why is the guy wrong for asking that of her?

I know it’s a crazy thing to say but just stick with me for a while here; would it have been better for the guy to pretend like he cares about her? pretend to love her? and pretend sex is not what he really wanted? then atlas, wait till she gives it up and disappears in a flash leaving her heartbroken and alone?.

I have not written this piece to validate or encourage such actions but open your mind for a second and think outside the box for a while. About 85% of men from ages of 18-45 are ready and willing to have sex at any time. This same group of men are the ones women expect to be their husbands at some point in life.

The problem is, when most sexually charged men see women the first thing that comes to mind isn’t marriage or “ohhhhh see how beautiful her soul is ” neither is it ” wow she’s a woman of great virtue” nah! Here’s what he’s thinking “wow she has kissable lips” or “damn she’s got some great rack” or “oh my God! Look at her butt” and before you know it, he’s already picturing her naked.

If such a man were to ask a woman out, he won’t tell her the truth about his intentions of wanting to have sex with her, because really, that’s what his body truly desires. He knows he’s chances of being turned down is high at the first request! that indefinite “No” for an answer! So most guys would rather go through that ‘relationship channel’ in order to get what they want. Let’s face it, she’d be an advocate of romance and so he’ll give it her.

Like a rogue on a mission, he’ll keep the deception going on for a while, hiding his true intentions till she finally decides to open the cookie jar. It is possible that after he’s done eating the cookie for a while he starts to think, “hmmm I think I love this girl” or “I am really loving this maybe I’ll stay a while before I move on” the thought could also be “now that I’ve tasted what I’m here for I’m out”.

As you can see, what happens after the man gets what he actually want is a probability, now if that’s the case, won’t it save a lot of time, energy, tears and heartbreak if the same guy actually told the woman plain and simple that he wants sex and whatever happens after that is cool?

I know you may have this mild irritation and perhaps thinking ‘this writer must probably be the devil!’, but imagine for a second that every guy you’ve dated or encountered actually told you their true intentions; no faking, no lies. Wouldn’t it have helped guide your decisions better? Will you not have made better decisions than when he pretends to be an angel only for your heart to be shattered and you are feeling used?

Today's kids are so spoilt that they don't know that in our days you could be beaten for any of the following reasons:
1. Crying after being beaten.
2. Not crying after being beaten
3. Crying without being beaten
4. Standing while the elders are seated
5. Sitting while the elders stand
6. Walking around aimlessly where the elders are seated.
7. Replying back to an elder
8. Not replying back to an elder
9. Spending too much time without being beaten.
10. Singing after being admonished
11. Not greeting visitors
12. Eating food prepared for the visitors.
13. Crying to go with the visitors when the visitors are leaving.
14. Refusing to eat.
15. Coming back home after sunset
16. Eating at the neighbour's home
17. Generally being moody.
18. Generally being too excited.
19. Fighting with your age mate and losing.
20. Fighting with your age mate and winning.
21. Eating too slowly
22. Eating too quickly
23. Eating too much
24. Sleeping while the elders had already woken up
25. Looking at the visitors while they are eating
26.Stumbling and falling when walking...


If you have more....Oya come and add ya own join !!!

What do you guys think?

homesteady:
It means a boy that is very very girlish and he always exaggerates his girlie behavior! Many girls don't catwalk, but you find such boys catwalking

For e.g - see how simple that girl crossed her leg and see how he crossed his legs in a more girly way than she did!

Thanks. Noted

favoured234:
I was a good people in school...
The guy's legs looks like mine but I have a fresher version of the leg without hair

You need to meet him! He is such a fine boy!! And fresh too...

homesteady:
He even sabi cross leg pass that girl on all white by his side
He is a flamboyant effeminate!

Biko, what is flamboyant effeminate, can you be a lil bit more explicit?