₦airaland Forum

@Feelitz
No i haven't tried.

@Feelitz

I have tried not just knowing what his challenges are but trying to see him in person to talk things through, though he said he had forgiven me but that was through text. I don't know how to ask him again, he has just made everything difficult for me. I just thought that things would be easier, if he approaches me himself or wants to see/talk to me. I want things to work out, but it's how going about it and doing things at this point.

Feelitx:
Diva1,

Remember, I never validated the guy's inconsistencies.I was more into you getting him back and having a rewarding relationship. Any time not spent in loving is wasted girl.

I understand and that is exactly what I want but what else can I do? He said he had forgiven me so what else? I expected he would say it himself about seeing me or something after all before the fight, i kept disturbing him 'bout us seeing so what else can I do?

Feelitx:
Good to hear that he has forgiven you,but what message are you trying to send by laying low? This is the time to show hin how much you value him. It should work more to your advantage.

Keep loving him up girl.

First of all, he was the cause of my frustration. Before the incident occured, he failed 4 times to show up and then the incident happened. I had to beg, beg and cry for so long just for him to forgive me and now he has. What more can I do? He is meant to show me something at least, letting me know how he feels and his cause to frustrate me if he really cares.
What more can I do? How else can I win over?

Thank God, a thread like this was opened. I opened one but I guess it was closed down, can't wait to see opinions.

agabaI23:
Typical of women. lol
So it is your own turn to do shakara!
I no go die

Of cause now- I cried my eyes out, begged, begged and begged, then he forgives me, what next? , but seriously looking at it from the beginning, he was the cause just because I wanted to see him. It's my turn now, if he wants to see me. I'm just gonna lay low.

eina:
I dont why these people are always shedding tears whenever their baby is about to leave them, when there are lots and lots of different species of fishes in the sea. there are catfish, salmon, tillapia, shark, whales ecetra ecetra. WHY YOU DEY CRY? LET IT CRASH AND HAVE A GOOD REST. U DON SUFFER.

It's not about having lots and lots of different species out there, after all, he was the one that betrayed such trust. It is hard, very hard, though I forgave mine after a while, whenever he does somehing bad, once in a while, it brings up such memories of betrayal, but also as they say sometimes you let go. What is yours is yours and will come back.

Blood_Shed:
Nah mess forgiving such a thing

Forgiveness is for the weak.

I'm sure you meant for the strong 'cos it's only a strong person that could be willing to let go of something horrible.


Thanks guys for your inputs though more are welcomed too , He actually forgave me, but considering the circumstances that surrounded such, I think, I need a lil time for my self also, let him show me something too.

@Luxoire
U sure did make sense with your words.

@Pascal8888 and yeswecan
I'm not talking about an abusive lady, one that it's in her blood, i was talking about a lady that her man frustrated her n one day, she exploded with words,


@Feelitz

How would one be able to work for the man's forgiveness?

@eyeshadow

I'm glad it did so we women can start acting like the men, most men, just walk out on them when frustrated.

Oh yes, definitely, it happens. You love someone so much, You believe they would never do anything to hurt you and seems too good to be true and then you find out the unthinkables . It would definitely hurt, you wish you had never met them.

yeswecan:
Effective communication is one of the best ways of maintaining a good relationship. Why would she put up with what she doesn’t want for so long? If there is any problem, it should be treated instantly. There is no justification for an abusive wife, if she does it once she will do it again.

Real men respond to respectful ladies, love is not the most important thing in a relationship. If you are respectful to your spouse he will respond with love and respect (If he is reasonable).

I understand but like I said, there is a difference between an abusive wife and one that snapped one day due to frustration from her man. I wouldnt want to put up with an abusive man either.

kasshogy:
Well! it happened to me, I really fancied my ex, but i did have much time for her , cus i was chasing the cash, and i blame her cause if she'd bothered to come closer to me, i probably would have given her extra attention but she always expected i'd be the one giving all the attention, well to cut the long story short, she asked me to make a document for her using my discretion, so i did and had it sent out to where she wanted it sent, but what did i get in return? she calls me up to tell me the document i wrote up was scrap.
I asked her to calm down as i would come to see her to clarify the issue, only for me to get to her house and recieve the cussing out of my life. I believe her neighbours even heard she was so mad and called me unmentionable names.
But me being the man that i am, i left her crib humbled and never called her again. She called me after a couple of months begging to have her back but never in my life had i been so insulted and there was no love lost between us, it was over however sad.

That's sad, no one would want to put up with that but in my own case, he failed 4 appointments, I gave him signs I didn't like what was happening and still played about it but he kept showing little concern until that fateful day, I showed up at his place and he wasn't home again. I was trying to be closer to him more than ever but no chance. I even remember somedays back, when he had failed twice to show up, I called him, if i could see him the next day, he was just like bye bye, i'm talking too much and hung up. I wanted to die that night or do something, however i held my peace. I called him and the way he even spoke to me, though not bad, but still very little concern and before u know it, I blasted him with words thru txt msgs. Maybe if he would have done things differently, who knows and nxt day I apologised. What would you do in such case?

yeswecan:
This question doen’t deserves a direct answer. Why will she rain insult on you in the first place? Women have been stereotyped as verbal abusers. If that is the case I prefer to stay single because I can’t stand insult from any one.
As far as I can remember, my mom never insulted my dad and my dad never laid his hands on her. You have to play your position right. Please understand that verbal insult is a form of abuse, I don’t see any difference from verbal and physical abuse. As for me, I hate insult more that anything on earth.

Ladies, just because yours boyfriend/husband accepts your insult is not enough to think it’s just OK to insult your spouse. Also there are some women living under an abusive husband, Please understand they are both abuse (Physical and Verbal) and its wrong. If you are a product of this theory, just consider yourself as an abuser and it’s only a wimp puts up with an abusive lady.

I like natural things, if we love/trust each other and do what is right, I don’t see any cause for an insult in the first place. If there is any misunderstanding we seat and talk it over. Finish.

There is a difference between an abusive lady and a lady that snapped with words just one day after taking so much from her man and putting up with it for so long and then the man shows very little or no concern. Wha would u do in that case?

malchy:
well sha, i will forgive depending on the nature of the insult.

What nature of insults cant u forgive and forgive?

dan_dollar:
Yes,i wud,but things may never be the same again.one went as far as calin me a deamon,an animal,simply because i refused to simpatize with her when she got into trouble with some authority because she went out with a married man who she had ealier told me was an odinary friend and lied about it.
wud i have given her a slap if she had told me all dat to my face? I doubt it.i don't subscribe to that.i had to let it go anyway,but things weren't the same way it used to be.

So u believe things may never be the same again? I think it could cos if one can cheat and things will still be the same, what more of insults?

Men! Newayz u r in our prayers.

I'm feeling there is hope.

tbaba83:
When my girlfriend is on her period she insults me like no mans buziness.
@ poster regarding your question. Yes why not. At least she forgave 4 all d times i cheated on her, lol

It depends on the insults an gravity, so you would still forgive?

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@Lax75
Good to hear.

@Lax75

I fully understand. I'm not here to defend myself for insulting him or anything as such but rather to admit my fault. It was just once I exploded and I feel so bad, that's y im here.

Sorry to hear about ur story but the girl is very much different from me and my actions.

What's the big deal in a girl being raped and some of u guys not marrying her. I can't understand. Rape or mutual sex, though different emotionally, It's still the same p****. So u guys can get married to a non- virgin but not a rape victim?? why aside the emotional baggage.

I still believe that nothing is beyond forgiveness.

@C2H5OH

As much as I agree with some of what u said, his ego being hurt and some others, Pls I'm not a selfish idiot just becos I lost it. After all, he hasn't been so innocent, he has put me thru a lot and even CHEATED which nobody would want to tolerate.

davidylan:
Such mistakes dont just occur, you must have been brooding on it for days.

Yes I had some hings in mind I wanted to confront but he didnt show much concern and also I didnt know I was going to explode that much on that fateful day.

davidylan:
pretty much yeah. Would you accept a man "loses it for once and goes too far" by hitting you?

It depends on what was said and done that he hit me, yes, I could/might accept it for once, not saying a man should hit a woman. I dont agree with the immaturity here, It was a mistake and the mistake was realised.

C2H5OH:
No it doesn't.

The immature little girl hid behind her hurt and used it as a golden opportunity to go on a verbal assault to humiliate her victim.

Who is the immature lil girl? Becos some lost it for once and went too far? She's now immature?

jack tweed:
Simple;

Woman rains insults, Man rains constant and continious blows and slaps until she turns catatonic!

We are all happy and same time same place tomorrow, we repeat the game again to see who wins and who will finally get tired of playing the game of Insults and slaps.

I know i will never get tired though Its too enjoyable a game to ignore and forget in a hurry!

I will only forgive her if she promises to play the game with me next time, maybe hopefully tomorrow! With that i can forgive her a million times, as long as i am having my own share of fun sha!

Lol, pls don't make me laugh here

reindeer:
Its never too late to run.
its an evidence of poor choice on your part taking on an abusive/insultive woman.
I believe if a woman has been dumped twice/thrice for lacking oral sphincters then she'll learn to be more careful.
point 1, parent need to educate the girl(and the man)child on proper things to say and even moreso things not to say to people you love(or profess to love).
then such behaviours should never be condoned, you're only reinforcing a negative behaviour.
This is not to say people dont 'loose it' once in a while but i believe it will somehow be obvious when its a one off thing rather than a lifestyle.

I'm glad u added that 'cos we are humans not God.

davidylan:
still doesnt excuse what you said.

That's why I'm on here. I admit, It was too much.

davidylan:
Cant explain it but i've experienced it twice . . . you simply ignore her until she's calm enough to make some sense. Your case is different though, you were cursing him.

If u had read some of my other posts aside this one, u might see where I was coming from though at the same time, I'm not justifying my words. They were said out of anger and frustration.

jalether:
are ladies ever at fault, it amazes me how they get away with murder n guys are so laid back

people tend to throw the word maturity around to loosely, there is a difference between being matured and being

doormat, any man should not tolerate disrespect from anyone irrespect of the gender, now  the root cause

of this problem is the man, you need to check your woman early on in the relationship right from the gate, so

she knows who she is f**king with, she either respects that manhood or her *** is getting replaced by a woman

who has her mind right.

Which one is respecting manhood here where in this case the man must have pushed her and she is a human being with feelings too. It's not a daily habit, and that woman with her mind right can also change if the man frustrates her much.

davidylan:
She's feeling cranky, she decides to throw a fit . . .

Insults - she's busy raining curses on me, family or friends.

I still don't understand, what kind of fit can she throw that would not be considered insult?

davidylan:
if its tantrums ok . . . women always throw one anyway. But if its really insults . . . then quietly pack ur bags and leave me in peace

How would u differentiate between tantrums and insults? Which one would u consider a tantrum and an insult?

Lax75:
Hey Diva1

Hope all is well with you today. I would have to agree with Dammy Ray's response to your latest comment. It would be hard to forgive, but I would have to. Let me pose a question to you:

If "one day" out of frustration from the "woman" a man decides to physically abuse a woman, should she forgive him? Food for thought for you.

BTW, what city are you in?

Well I think it's possible the woman can forgive, I could if it's the first knowing that something must have pushed him.

spikytang:
I will give her time to work on herself, afterwhich if she isnt changed. I will then discard her. No time for Bullshits!

I dont think it's about time, what if you are the cause. Would u ever sit down to communicate with her about why she acted in such way? Who knows if the man didn't behave such way, she would never have acted in such way.