₦airaland Forum

Aloy.Emeka:
Women also blame men and call them abusive if they do the same. Will you as a woman be able to easily 4give your man if he spends the better part of the day calling you fattie,otondo,ugly etc knowing full well that women's ego is dependent on what others think about them?

Lol at the words, but let's assume in this case, it was just a day of insult out of frustration from the man. She isn't like that but one day, she exploded with insults, would u easily forgive her?

@Lax75

I agree with you but you know sometimes, words said might not be meant and it can't just happen one day, he woman would just start insulting, maybe the man was the cause,

n-guage:
I'm happy people are now equating insults with physical abuse, how classy?

It is a well-known fact that women are not as (physically) strong as men, so it would be wrong for you, as a man, to hit someone who's not as strong as you, it is called being a bully. On the other hand, it is not proven that women are more insultive than men are, so there's nothing wrong when a woman insults you, you have as much power to say something back or walk out of the room.

This brings me to my next point, people getting hit can't walk out, people getting insulted can choose not to listen.

Now to the question, it's all context dependent, there's no blanket answer to this question. It depends on a couple of things like: what the woman said, how loud she was, what the man has done to get that response from her, and how often she "rains" insults.

So would you forgive easily if you as the man know you are the cause, no matter the gravity of words she said, maybe she has been giving u signs but you chose to ignore and then she explodes one day with words u could never imagine from her and next day, she begins to apologise, How would ur reaction be?

Dondav:
I agree with oxone, i'll simply walk away and pray she knows wath she's doing.

That's why she aplogises 'cos she realises. So u would still walk out?

lady bam:
funny.
i've insulted my bf a thousand times.but he stil finds somehow, and forgives.am really praying to stop the habit

Please stop lol, if it's a habit, once or twice due to frustration on his own side can be acceptable.

Pataki:
Why would she rain insults on me? Would I easily forgive her? No!

A woman with a tongue penned for insults is not even my choice of woman. No sensible dude would ever want such a woman.

What if you know she isnt that way but it was your own fault that trigerred such?

~Sauron~:
Forgiveness??

What is so hard?

Lax75:
That is what actually leads to the destruction of many marriages believe it or not. Yes, men "physically" abuse women, but funny enough there are alot of "emotionally" abused men who because of pride and ego don't admit it. Instead they hold in all the insults their women give them and it turns into hidden resentments. These resentments then is what leads to other things. Women need to really watch what comes out of their tongues because words do stick. I know a friend of mine who is divorced now (marriage only lasted 15 months). During arguments, his wife used to always say stuff like "my parents didn't want me to marry you and your illiterate family, etc" This guy was actually the one who not only paid for the wedding, but flew her parents over from Nigeria to attend the wedding. He confessed to me that words like that sewed seeds that really killed his trust in the marriage. Today they are divorced. The power of the tongue is REALLY underestimated. Growing up, my mom used to always curse me and tell me that I reminded her of my father (father and I look alike and my mom and dad have been divorced for over 3 decades). Well, what happened was that growing up this affected my self esteem but to the glory of God almighty he delivered me from all the insults that affected me.

My 2 cents.

What if it is the fault of the man that led to such insults? what would you say on that? cos I believe it's because most men dont listen especially when there are signs.

I agree communication.

Guys knowing you men have a lot of ego and pride, can and would you be able to (easily) forgive your girl if she insults you badly as a result of frustration, if you are the cause of her doing so or not frustration?

Really?? I would like to see that.

Thanks ya'll for your comments and words.

Both men and women- What are the things that you can consider the "unforgivable" in a relationship? What a partner can do that you would not want to resolve? I know cheating would be included, any other thing worse than cheating?

chaircover:
I hope all this gets sorted out.

Moving on, please try and control your anger. No man or indeed woman wants to live with a tiger who attacts at the slightest provocation. Missed appointments are not the worst things that can happen in a relationship.

Please learn to take things easy.

All the best.

I wish I could take back my words but I can't. It's not just the appointments that triggered such words, I guess what he had also done to me before and this "busy" statement, this was just the same thing.

I am willing to forgive and let go of the past, maybe I just needed some more from him and then this. This is the first time such is happening. I am ashamed on the gravity of words but I guess the best I can do is apologise and pray. Hopefully I get to see him in person to have a heart to heart talk. Thanks a lot.

saintade01:
WELL DIVA1 , AFTER HEARING SO MUCH FROM THE NAIRALAND COUSELLORS WE WOULD LIKE TO SEE THE OUTCOME HERE TOO AND SEE IF THEY ALL WORK OUT WELL. (so 'Esin eyin' can learn too)

ABI KI LE NI MO WI ?

I definitely would share the outcome when I get one.

tomaagy:
Hey Diva if u read my post well u'll see I neva blamed you! just told you my mind and how i would react being in the guys shoes honestly i've not gone thru all ur posts just read ur opening post but i still think u reacted too much! that was my point. I dont blame you!

I know some of us guys could be funny but one thing i know is we always have our reasons and a heart to heart talk could get it out!

If in his shoes I dont think u begging over an over would heal me! I would just need my space,

I admit i went too far but as for you needing your space, I meant if u read some other posts I had opened before not just this one, where he had cheated before and some other things he had done to me. I still forgave him. If you were him that did all these to your girl an she still took you back, what gravity of words wouldn't want to make you forgive too?

@Treetop
Pls don't wish me bad luck.


@Tope 2000
No I haven't after the horrible messages. I just stopped. I haven't said anything but plan to tonight. I guess. All I want is to apologise whether or not we are in love or together. I need to apologise for my words then the heavy burden of guilty feelings would subside.

tope2000:
Hahahahahaaha . . . . sometimes we do take shit from the pesin we love but when the person continuously making me feel like shit . . . then HIT THE ROAD JACK.

Guess she is soo attached to the dude

@poster
Why DID rain down so much curses all because he failed 4 appointments??

It is not about attachment or love. Yes I did take him back but it had nothing to do with this incident. I guess I let thepast and some things I was holding get the best of me.



@ Treetop
Please this is not stupidity. No body would really understand but the two people involved. I know he did me wrong but somehow, we worked things out and I have been happy until recent. I guess if he never did those things that happened in the past, maybe i would have tolerated a little easier.

Thank you so much @ dean2725, Ugo_2u, Posakosa and all of you.

Doyn1:
There is a road that seem right but the end leads to destruction!!! - I hope does not become nadir of your existence and the beggining of your end.

What do you mean?

sistawoman:
I cant believe we are coming up on our one year ann.

I read posts here from women who have been married 6 months and they want to walk away from their spouse. I cant imagine ever walking away from my spouse.

I feel completely naked in front of someone other than God and it feels great. I have never been so open and honest about everything that is me and never do i hesitate to think if I should share this or share that. I have never had a partner that has made me feel like my deepest darkest secrets were safe with him. Like I said I have never felt naked but comfortable being naked to him.

When I think i cant love him more I do.
When I think this is the height the best, it gets higher and better.
When I see him i still get butterflies in the pit of my stomach.
Before he speaks I know what he needs.
I feel his presence when he comes near.
I smile from ear to ear, when i see his text, hear his voice, smell his scent, and feel his touch.
No matter how sick i am he always makes me feel better.
No matter how annoyed I am, I always melt like butter at the sight of his sad face.
Awake or asleep he is always on my mind.
When I shop, I look for things for him.
He is the other piece of me that God created for me.
He and I were meant to be together now at this point in our lives.

I cant say anymore. . . . . . I love, love, love him.

All the pain, tears and lost love that I endured prepared me to accept and appreciate his love. If not for everyone who heart i broke or who broke my heart I might not really know what i have in my other half.

I envy you. Lucky you and God bless you.

Tstark:
This girl don come again with her fatal attraction. Na so so "should i beg him" "should i strip for"  him etc etc. Abeg na only you dey date for NL?? Carry your wahala go jo. No be you go stalk one girl for facebook b4?? You need to think b4 you act or bear the consequences.

Like I said before, I'm so down to take any insult personal now. Just pray you don't experience such!

Feelitx:
Diva,

You just need to go the extra mile and show him something different.

Everything will be just fine.

Thanks, I hope and pray so. I wish going that extra mile was easy.

Negro_Ntns:
Good luck and keep us updated on the outcome.

Thanks, I would on the outcome, for now, nothing has been done.

ugo_2u:
Diva, You need to forgive yourself first. You can't keep on hurting yourself saying you did wrong all the time.yes you did wrong,that's water under the bridge,learn from it and move on.apologize like i told you to and worry no more about it. Did you get the comedies i asked you? Take care

Thanks a lot, I like the advices I've been getting from you. and I got your email too. God help me. I think I'll give him the whole of today, then text him before I plan on seeing him or involving another person to intercede for me.

tomaagy:
from wat i see here girl! if i was the guy i'd just take a long break from you for one big reason

I can only imagine wat i'd be coming home to meet as ur husband if i were to decide to marry you! its a sign u cant try to cool off before exploding which is a sad fact to discover!

I'd apologise to you take you out for the dinner and fulfil all my promises and then let you go!

Cos U NEEED TO GO!

well it's easy for you to say cos you don't also know what I've been through or what he has put mke through too. Maybe you can also read some of my posts and at the same time, I'm not justifying my words.

Feelitx:
Diva,

Were the things you said about him true? Is he a fraud ? It's going to be a lot harder if those things are true and he finds that you can not keep his secrets.

We want to trust that our women will protect us and keep our secrets even if we are armed robbers.

We want to be sure that our partners are friends who will never betray us.

Having said all of the above,you need to give him say three days to cool off.


You need to find someone he respects very much to go apologizing to him.

Don't send anymore text messages as it does not betray how truly sorry you are.

Go with an apology card or something and convey how deeply sorry you are and Hopefully you are on your way back together.

It can't get worse,It can only get better.

Goodluck.

Thank you. You are right and that's where it's killing me, no matter what he has done for me I know I had no right to say so and i guess so, don't wanna give details here online but pple n so on. I have been there for him, until yesterday in 3 yrs, i exploded this way but with words. Of cause I'm not going to call police or such, just my words. Im so down.

djcrucifix:
gurl you got some anger issues.no offence but you kinda deserve it. how could you call a guy impotent and expect to get way with it? it's gonna take alot of work to get that guy back. goodluck

Please don't criticise me, neither am I justifying my actions. I said he'll be impotent not that he is but it was said out of anger and no I don't have anger issues, he changed me this way. I guess I have been way too patient and it exploded. He has done a lot of things to me but i just overlook it until yesterday.

izi-n-bizi:
All u can do now, is Apologise, but I will tell you how to avoid such next time.
Its always better to air your frustration immediately you hurt. If u had told him the first time, u didnt like him standing u up and really showed it to him, u wouldnt have burst the way u did. Also ur post shows u hid alot of information u had of him from him. If u always confronted him immdiately you heard rumours bout him, u wouldnt have built a perception/opinion about him in your heart. He would have already heard it before and it dies there, but now u had alot bottled in your heart about him and it just required a little prick and it would burst out loud. To me u just said ur heart, u poured out exactly ur impression about him, for me I always enjoy that part with my girl, because its an opportuniy for me to hear the truth. all I advice is that u say this truth oin bits and very often, instead of piling it. If ur guy thinks like me, he will accept u back, at least now he knows how u see him and what to work on about himself, and the general status of the relationship.

I know i said my heart but the curses weren't in my mind. How can I wish some1 i love, sadness and pains would follow him, he would reap his evil deeds, impotent, dead, rot in jail and much more, those aren't things I'll carry in my min. I said them out of anger.



@Negro

the inputs are helping but it hasn't solved the main issue cos I havent apologised yet or anything as such. I know I should apologise but man! im so, speechless, showing up at his place might not turn out good or might, i might not get him, txtx, who knows what? I'm jus being pessimistic about the situation.

izi-n-bizi:
and yep I realy support the so many txts idea. dont go and see him immediately, he may not have resolved it in his mind yet. Start with texts for like 4days, then give him obvious missed calls for a day and finally make an apology call to know how he now feels about it all. from there u know wat next to do. U really have to plot a make up.

It happened yesterday, so do I start texting him today? apologies?


@Passie, yeah, that's what i'll do.

I am so down, ! can't concentrate on my work and books. I'm so far away.

luminoux:
hey miss Diva, not talking too much thank goodness u kno what u did was not gud. Your best bet now is too let ur boyfriend cool out. If he is not the angry type u could text him a lot of sorries and apologies more dan the blast you gave him. I could see dat u might be quite tempramental, 'cos u actually know of his busy schedule, but u still went dat far, try not to call him for now becos, what he might say to u might not be palatable and it might make u snap again and u dont really need dat for now. so avoid talking to him now just text him apologies and sweet words so dat he would dry out and also never promise to hurt him like dat again.u also need to show some undastanding dats some of the things required in dating. do dat and watch what he would do.
wish u a very gud luck.

I know he might have been busy but I don't understand how busy, u failed 4times though he apologised and also, in the past, bad memories where he hurt me so much with this his attitude, i guess was what pushed me too far.

@luminoux

Thanks, I actually wanted to show up at his place today but I wasn't sure it was the best now. I'm not the patient type in that when i hur someone, i don't think of cooling off or anything, when I'm worried, I like to solve it immediately.

How long do u think i should leave him to cool off? and do you think the text msgs would make things easier for now?

Thanks you all for your help and advice though I'm still feeling down, I feel better than when I just kept it to myself. I think also going with someone would help or just me. I'm just thinking of when and how I would see him in person 'cos even my words are hurting me not to talk of him i said it to.

IFELEKE:
@Poster,
Yours is a cry over partially spilt Milk.
The outcome of this your unfortunate Fiasco can still be tilted in your favour,The Determining Factor is your Guy.
Go meet him and apologize profusely If he is the matured and forgiving type then I dare say you will escape the sledge Hammer.
But If he is not, Good Luck with your next boyfriend.

How can ut be tilted in my favor?

lady bam:
@poster
u need to apologize 4d curses u rendered on him first!

Do i do it in text msgs? no i dont think that's necessary, i think in person would be the best.

posakosa:
I mean u don't have to. But what I mean is that, u're making ur self think that u did something wrong. Im sure he's hurt you soo much that you just exploded in anger to that particular event, Hes' been pissing u off a loong time coming.


Once again amebo no1. has a good point there. But then again, Im sure u'll be just fine and will make the right decision as time progresses.

I know i exploded in anger but even if he did offend me, I cannot hold my head high with those insults i rained on him for a reason like such, Looking at those words now and I'm so ashamed.

"You are dead", "rot in jail?" " you'll be impotent and sad all your life" " a whole lot more and brought up past issues i had buried, just a lot. It's not good.