₦airaland Forum

C2H5OH:
Let that boy mature and find a more stable lifestyle. For now, that's the most important help you can render him. He is going through a phase that has absolutely nothing to do with you, so don't blame yourself for his behavior towards you. It just so happens as fate would have it that you are the one getting hurt deeply in this mayhem. Advice you to move on with your beautiful life. There is more on his plate right now than trying to work out your broken relationship.

Remember that infamous quote: If you love something set it free, if it comes back to you it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was yours to begin with.

You are right but it's just like some1 dropping up something by mistake and you picking it up to return it, only for someelse to just see you picking it up and accuse u as a thief for stealing and you had no chance of expressing yourself. Even if u decide to ignore and move on, deep down in ur heart, it's like unfinished business, if u know wat I mean.

Psoul:
@Poster,

My response might hurt u, but it is the fact. Am reacting based on ur story and not as a man. U told us dat after u guys met, he appologisesd to u. This means accepting his errors and also asked to pray 4 him dat God will 4giv him.

Secondly, u said dat 4rm den, things became better or normal again. I think u should have be more contented at dat but u went ahead to dig out some other things. What do u want to kw what u r not supposed to kw. There r some facts that if u come to kw as a woman instead of solving ur problems, it will multiply it.

Lastly, do u mean to tell me that u ve never flirted online. U may not meet the person live, but flirt wt him online.

So went rather far. Its not wise. He has now shown d man that is in him. If u still love him, go and appologise. I beliv u offended him IMHO

I did accept his errors to take him back doesn't mean I didn't want to know what happened during that period. It's possible for him to apologise to me and still be doing his thing, afterall when he cheated, he was still loving but I had to find out an it came like a shock to me.
Have u asked me why it's this particular lady amongst all the others I had to find out, cos I know my instincts and she made me even made me suspect more.
And if you think I went far, what is so difficult that even if he was so mad to this extent, he couldn't talk to me, calmly or something.
I personally don't think I did wrong or he should be very offended and mad to this extent. My crime here was just putting a PICTURE OF US with a fake name and perhaps the lady saw it and told him.

@Ulua and PeeJee

Thanks and I also agree not because of only all he had done, but also the way he is handling the situation, however, I still feel the right thing is to talk and say my mind out in peace then move on, else, i would be moving on with questions and confusion and that could take forever to heal.

Isu ata:
diva

i think one thing to hold on to in dis ordeal is to now dat yu av made some serios mistakes dat yu wld neva make in any relationship again(weder dis one or anyone to come). also its a gud thing dat yu know dis and also know dat you need to heal not from dis relationship but from bad choices yu av made. understanding yurself more will help yu find peace.

i think you shld wait for a while and intrest yurself in things yu ve always wanted to do like some1 sugested(waiting time depends on you)

after which yu are satisfied with yur level of strength yu can now make yur way to him irrespective of weda he wants to see yu or not gather all yu can from him with an open mind and say yur piece(wiaeva it leads shldnt be a bother-yu re on a hunt of emancipation becos i tell yu if yu dnt do dis, yu will be tied to him for a long time to come and it will affect yur oda ones wen yu decide to allow some1 into yur life again-its a sunconscious thing).


i think i beliv dat yu ll do well really-i can feel it alredy. just take yur time. and i must commend you too at the same time for being civil, shows the level of maturity yu hav-its a virtue yu dnt find in most women(kip it)



and as for most oda women on NL with the send him off attitude- yu shld lern summin from dis gal, yu shld lern summin from dis ordeal cos most of yu are now cynical not becos of men but becos of the bad choices, the things yu took for granted with them. in the end the bulk of the fault lies with you.

neva take anytin with levity just like yu shldnt take GOD for granted neve bbe careless with yurslef in a relationship-dats was the problem of diva's relationship she was carreless toa point dat it became a problem

I really understand where you are coming from, Cos I know until I say everything and talk to him, it wouldn't be easy to start moving on. It's best to talk but I on't understand where you say bad choices. What bad choices did I make in this situation?

@Treetop, Bluespice and DaPhoenix and all

Ya'll are right but it means, people can keep hurting others deeply knowing that they would still go scot-free. Even if I don't curse, I believe it would still hunt him down especially when I didn't deserve this pain.

No matter how much love I've got for my boyfriend/ex, the level of pain he has caused me is three much after everything. Deep down in my heart, I know i should forgive to move on easily but I don't think I can forgive him without placing a curse on him, for him to feel 10times the pain he has caused me.

No matter how much love I've got for my boyfriend/ex, the level of pain he has caused me is three much after everything. Deep down in my heart, I know i should forgive to move on easily but I don't think I can forgive him without placing a curse on him, for him to feel 10times the pain he has caused me.

Kingsleyinfo:
@all are we trying to help this sista or we wanna confuse her d more. Some posts are begining to refresh this wound.
@diva pls take some time and find something you love doing. Don't try and think why he did all this to you, believe me it's a waste of your mental capabilities. Focus on more constructive habits instead of crying ova spilt milk. And also don't make the mistake of hating him, you'll just be giving him too much power over you. Find your answers, forgive then move to the next level. God will always watch over you.

Thanks, I believe the end is God to take control. I can only start by believing myself to heal.



@Bluespice
Thanks, I believe like you said, he felt I was and would always be there for him.


@Big_bumper
Thanks a lot, like you said what stops us from moving on is fear of the unknown which I wouldn't lie, i feel the same way. But I believe no matter how hard it is to have faith, that God would see me through at the end.

@Big_bumper

Yes you are right and I still have so many unanswered questions, which I think clarifying will make me move on faster. I agree with everything you've said.

I've always been so patient and this is where it le me to. Whether I bring up the money issue now or till eternity, he isn't communicating with me. I had wanted to talk first and when everything is settled, to bring out the issue but it doesn't look like he wants 2 hear from me and yes if this is the only way i can assure myself to communicate n talk to him n get my money at the same time, then it's good for me.

How do you know when your partner (boyfriend/girlfriend) is deeply in love with you or desperate?

Chetachuku:
The free will God gave you does not make you a 'must-marry' to any man. Both of you must make it work. Anything short of this is bondage.

I agree with you. I know I put in most effort maybe 80-20%.


@Olanajim

what does that mean?

Neither, it was the girl herself I found out from, when I confronted him, he then told me with his mouth what had happened.

big_bumper:
Before I say anything, after the facebook episode where he lashed out at you and told you it was over, has he been in touch civilly since then?

No he hasn't except yesterday when I texted about the money,


@agaba123
He wants you to call him first before showing up, though I have shown up just like that twice or thrice.

Hope it is sold in the US and do you think it's best till whenever he wants to send/bring the money to talk to him or just text him, for us to talk?

What books?

I can testify to that, most men are not worth sacrificing for. You do all for them, as soon a strouble starts or something goes wrong, all the sacrifices are gone with the wind and you become the worst person ever.

I guess it's because of how I'm feeling. I've got a lot to say to clarify my mind and move on in peace. It's just like holding on to a lot and waiting, to release.

Well his soon could mean, who knows how long? I didn't want to give him an ultimatum so it wouldn't worsen the situation.

@Isu ata

Thanks, that's what I'm trying to do. Too see him in person, talk and whatever will be will be, mostly then i can move on with my life in peace. As a matter of fact, i texted him to remind him of a money situation, he was to give back since but didn't and his reply was "ok i will soon, thanks". Since he doesn't like anyone just showing up at his place, i wanted to wait for the opportunity when he wants to bring the money to talk to him or just text him, if we could talk.

Kingsleyinfo:
@diva your man is ova reactin for reasons best known to him. If you have sincerely made efforts to say sorry and he is stil behaving this way i think he has something to hide. Like i said there is more to this than meets the eye. Just know one thing any solution you try to employ to solve this confusion, let it be for the sake of peace and a clear conscience, not for love. Like my first post there are times to think with the heart this is certainly not one of them. U need to do what is right by seeking for peace. Then re evaluate the whole scenario from a more calm perspective. You've had three years of experience not relationship. Personally i can't be @ peace if i have a misunderstanding with my baby for even an hour irrespective of who is wrong, just do your best to make peace and if he keeps over reacting then move on with your life cos his not your man he is just someone you've been with. Let the hurt go and leave him to fate. If truely you are saying the truth fate has a way of paying back. Peace

Thanks, that's why it's not just easy to move on especially when ur heart is disturbed. I can decide to move on but at the same time like you said irrespective of who is wrong,it's not just easy. I have apologised and I think it's his turn to talk to me or at least apologise and like you said if not, fate has a way of paying back.

Is there a possibility that divorce could still occur between two people (good friends) that have known each other for a very long time, let’s say 15 years and decided to get married? Two people knowing each other since they were little, till when they are adults and marry eachother. Is it likely to still fall out of love with the person?

Is there a possibility that divorce could still occur between two people (good friends) that have known each other for a very long time, let’s say 15 years and decided to get married? Two people knowing each other since they were little, till when they are adults and marry eactother. Is it likely to still fall out of love with the person?

@Olanajim

Lol please tell me what negative sides of me u've seen on this thread

Yes, that's why he was yelling. I think he and the lady had spoken or something. He didn't even hear my side or want to communicate properly.

@Olanajim

We are not talking now.That's even the main point. After yelling at me and calling me names, he hung up and that's it even through text messages.

Thanks you all for your advice but I still don't agree he is mad to this extent just because i put a picture of us on fb with a different just for a day. There is more to this that he is very mad.

@Ubong2020
I love him yes but it's not about me quitting and moving. His reaction/attitude to me is demeaning and humilating. Though I don't agree it's just because of the fake name n all, he is mad at something more, and I still apologised and want to communicate wit him very well.

@Isuata
I agree with the first option

@jp Phillips
It wasnt just about him coming back begging and I didn't go digging. I only put our pic with a fake name yes for whoever to see that he is with someone and whatever reactions I get would make it easier for me. It was just a day thing. and i did find out more than i bargained for with even his reaction. This is too much for just this.

@Olanajim
I agree if I'm at fault i should say sorry which I did, though I'm not sure I'm actually the cause and he should be able to talk to me.

@Debosky and Adexxy
Thanks a lot, I agree even if I find out or whatever I do, I have to heal myself

@Olanajim

So what opinions do you have on what I should do? What are ur own opinions?

Isu ata:
hmmmn,
one thing i av lernt so far in my work experience with Indians then real expatriates is that wen you find out a mis norma, you must equally be willing to supply a solution to such mis-norma. madam diva, wat do you really seek?
is it people to sympatise with yur present state? or are you looking for some genuine reason to quit this so called relationship yu supposedly had?closure? or wat really.

i have read yur replies and see dat even thogh yu are in a predicament yu seem more reasonable and knowledgeable dan most commentators wu av replied yur yur thread.

yu seem like some1 wu doent av a proud persona and wu wld like to hold on to summtin tangible to call her own but you lack a basic skill which is principle its dat lack of principle dat blinded you to the fact dat yu needed a definitive answer(whether truth or lie) to his dissapearin act of 3 months ago. you hav all the virtues a guy will want in a woman but you lack the one virtue dat will help you sustain yurself in anytin you do in life not just a relationship. and dats why yur b/f treated yu d way he did and i can bet dat dis will last for anoda three months and he ll come back and beg and yu ll accept im back. yes he finds summin in yu yet he sees yu lack adat important virtue which is truely needed as a wife. if yu wer like dis as my g/f i wldnt marry you o.

dats why i still think ma, dat yu nid to get up and not move-on until you do summin about dis mess yu av created, fix it and wen yu av tried and tins still dnt go d way yu want after yu must gotten yur answers- especially the y's yu ask here then yu wld av a gud conscience and carriage to muv on as a proud and wonderfully made woman of true essence and virtue


yu can fix dis if yu really want to- which o beliv yu want to if not yu wnt be lookin for answers like dis and beliv me wen yu seek yu will truely find. i wldnt want to bring religion into dis but if yu re a xtian like topup sed, God ihis d basis of a gud relationship, wia yu do not trust in yur partner but God to hold such relationship. i hope to hia a sweet story from yu soon of either yur relationship has been fixed or dat yu av gotten the answer dat yu nid and are satisfied dat the guy is not the right person for yu and dat yu av sweet and energetic look towards life and goin to stand up strong havin lernt a lot from dis ordeal.

isu ata yanyan, God is the basis of a true relationship

I believe God is the basis of a true relationship. When you say I can fix the situation. How can I? where do I begin from, from here?

@Olanajim


1. When you had a that break with him, DID YOU, AT THAT POINT IN TIME KNOW HE WAS DATING THE SAID ACTRESS?
No, though I didn't say they were officially dating.

2. Before you went to open the fb pseudo account, HAS YOUR GUY RETURNED TO YOU, TO CRY AND BEG FOR FORGIVENESS? WHAT WAS YOUR REACTION AND WHAT MADE FOR ACCEPT HIM BACK?
-Yes he had returned to me. I was angry to even see him, but he didn't let me go and broke down and of cause I love this guy. I waited a while and told him I ha forgiven him for everything, though I didn't understand how he would love me and shut me out that period an behave that way, he said he was sorry and all, it would never happen again,

3. After you went to fb, HAS YOUR BF FOUND OUT YOUR ENCOUNTER WITH THE ACTRESS, AND WHAT WAS HIS RESPONSE?
-I didn't have an encounter with the actress and yes he found out and that's why he reacted the way he did. That why would i put our picture without his permission and with a fake name and that lady is his friend, yelling and all, that I should remove the picture. I couldn't even explain myself or say anything as to what happened.

I used to be the tough lady, had so many guys but protected my heart and when i decided to open, it got completely crushed especially the manner. It's very humilating, confused. I know suicide is for cowards but if it was an option, who knows, Even my friends, family, i just don't feel like talking to any1 happily except that i'm hurt. He seems very happy,

I decided not to text him a happy birthday again but man! I'm feeling so down, he seems to be having fun while I'm here hurting even if I go out cos I'm the one humilated and betrayed, seriously I thought i was strong but it's not working, after everything.