₦airaland Forum

@topup

Thanks a lot for this. You are an inspiration. I'm just wondering how fast time will fully heal me esp with you saying u've been there a year ago and almost recovered not fully recovered. I don't even want to wait for few months before i fully recover cos life is too short but as they say, easier said than done. Also do you think, texting him a happy bday cos it's his birthday is ok? I know a lot of people have said no but I'm torn in my mind if I should just do it.

davidylan:
i sorta agree with debo here . . . the facebook stuff wasnt necessary. You should have had a heart to heart with him to know where you stood.

It may not have been necessary but he pushed me and this. So this problem is too large to resolve

Deboskyyy

Maybe I would listen to your word if u really understand my post cos it seems it's not very clear to you and nobody was investigating his face book and he is the one not being open in this relationship.

debosky:
@ tpia maybe I don't.

From what I can see, this was simply a 'bragging contest' on facebook between two girls - who can exhibit that she 'owns' the man - essentially a childish exercise. Diva post one pic, actress posts two, gets her friends to make comments 'oh what a lovely couple' and so she wins.

Sorry if I don't regard facebook games as reality.

What I'm trying to highlight is that is is essentially playing games For a 3 year relationship with talk of having someone's baby, if you can't confront him directly to answer your question and have to resort to facebook games, then something is SERIOUSLY [/b]wrong.

From what you have said - the girl wants to be with him and allows people to comment 'cute couple'. Once again, for a 3 YEAR relationship, what does that mean? Did [b]he make any move on her fb page that made you suspicious

What would make him so mad? Very simple - your evident distrust, your decision to go, behind his back with the motive of 'finding out' if this girl was the one you think he was cheating with (that is if he was cheating in the first place). Your inability to share your doubts or ask him to clear things up.

If you suspect your partner is cheating - confront them SIMPLE. I simply do not believe in all this behind the scenes business, it takes away from your personal integrity. You either trust someone or you back out of the relationship. Either way, any doubts or concerns should be dealt with WITHIN the relationship, because that is the root of the problem
His reaction is OTT yes, but at the root of it, is the manner in which you carried this 'expose' of yours. He has guilt written all over him? Maybe - but I'd rather catch a thief at the elbow like Yoruba people say, than catch a tip of the finger with room for denial.

So what are you implying?? That i should confront him again or what?? And if he really loved me, what is so difficult for him to talk to me instead of fighting and we resolve the issue?

@Debosky
I don't know how well to explain it to you but I'll try cos you don't seem to understand it. Ok, you suspect your girl is cheating or sumthing and then you suspect a particular boy on her page, a friend. Then you decide to change your profile pic to one with two of you as a couple and the guy asks you for friend request. He changes his own profile pic to one with your girl and him, with other pics, saying him and his baby. Other people commenting, two lovebirds, cute couple and all,

Secondly ok assuming he isn't cheating, what would make him so mad? and when i tried explaining to him and talking to him, he just yelled and called all sorts and hung up. What do u want to do or believe in this instance?

lol @ Davidylan

@ Cristalz
Thanks for understanding and also looking at it from my own point of view cos that's exactly what and how I felt. If I offended him, what was so grave/serious 'bout it n vice versa, why he wouldn't want the pic.

Bunmii, I guess that's just what is left for me to do but like you said, easier said than done.

Are these enough proofs that I am right and there is something going cos some of you are against me, telling me how sure am I?

1) why did she change the profile pic with one with the both of them?

2) Why did she add new pics of him, and them and writing "My baby and I" with other people commenting love words? even one saying no wonder you said you missed him the other day, you travelled

3) This was during that 2-3months period

4) Him commenting on one of her pics, "u go baby, nice hair luv" her reply "baby u r my inspiration" though i didn't take this one as anything serious

5) What would make him this MAD like i had killed someone if he wasn't actually having something with her?

@Tstark
Honestly I don't blame you for what u said/think, maybe if u r in my shoes, u'll understand better but at the same time I'm not hanging on. I don't know where ur anger towards me is coming from, but I never mentioned, I'm hanging on or still moving with him

@stillwater and Tpia

Easier said than done, I'm moving on but still a part of me is in denial if this is really true, How can after 3 yrs? this is how it would end? this way?

@Tstark
I have nothing 2 say 2 u now

Isu ata:
diva
you are here really when you are supposed to be hunting your boyfrend down and demanding an explanation
do you know y you need one? without it you would feel so useless and not appreciated and it will take alot out of the next true guy to break you and for you to enjoy true love again

you guys have been dating for 3 yrs haba- its like a right to his balls if you ask me- you are playing ot like you guys just met. if anybody needs to be undignified in getting an explanation to burning questions that will affect your life-its you. iam animated about dis becos of what i had to go thru to break down all the low esteem wall in my g/f becos of things like dis. you deserve an explanation for that three months if its so damn important o you


and now ypu hav playd it soooo wrong by being jame-diva 010-lol dats y i think you need to apologise for dat to warm yur way and demand yur answers

I think what you said here makes sense, It's just how to go about it and if I may ask,  what things did u go thru with ur girl?\

And it is very important because how could I have been sure that he can't just wake up the next day and behave like that, so I definitely deserve to know.

Isu ata:
really i still dont understand wat kind of person yu are sha! yu sed yu asked him and he just apologised and apologised
wat is the meanin of dat?
its like me askin askin for my mony and yu kip smiling widout givin it to me-wat is dat again i repeat?
he ddnt even giv yu a line of lie as to wia he was for the 3 months-he just simply apologises everytime and yu jst accepted abi?- shows the kind of person you are sha

if yu did accept, den y go and be ridiculous by being devious like dat- doesnt make too much sense
according to yu madam, everytin was even rosy sef but yet you still arranged all that james bond moves-for wat na?

antecedents? didnt you accept him back
if God based his relationship with you based on yur antecedents, i wonder wia you wld be-yet yu call God to your defence
i bow for you o!


one of my guys here says he would do same to you, Becos if you cld pull off those james-diva moves den you cld kill him-well dats his own opinion

really i wonder what kind of relationship you guys had

i think in actual fact you should move on cos you dont seem like someone who can stand her ground to demand what is rightfully hers insted you would prefer to go splinter cell on the guy- its a scary thing you did when one comes to analyse really

Really?? Explain to me cos I'm feeling much worse

Debo, I'm not trying to bring out his faults cos like I said I'm not perfect but I used that, that if i could forgive him for that and all, what could i have done, that he could not forgive me or talk to me if I was actually wrong which I'm not.

Stalker?? lol

I don't know what other language to use to clarify. What if my real fb page, i just changed the profile pic with the one with my bf and I, and she sees that?? what's the big deal? and where does stalking come in here, I fi was all that, I would message her, tell her everything and that's why i wanted to talk to him, I did find out, i don't have to catch them having sex to prove anything but

1) why did she change the profile pic with one with the both of them?

2) Why did she add new pics of him, and them and writing "My baby and I" with other people commenting love words? even one saying no wonder you said you missed him the other day, you travelled

3) This was during that 2-3months period

4) Him commenting on one of her pics, "u go baby, nice hair luv" her reply "baby u r my inspiration" though i didn't take this one as anything serious

5) What would make him this MAD like i had killed someone if he wasn't actually having something with her?


I'm not trying to justify my actions, I'm not perfect, neither is he and yeah you can blame me for accepting him back without really clarifying the issue and it's all about forgiveness.

Debosky

He has a page, I created a page with a picture of "ME" "MOI" WITH HIM. WE took as a couple, with a female name. I used a female name, I just didn't want to use my real name incase, they didn't know me or dig out my personal stuff.

Adexy001:
@topic/poster:

I have taken the pain to read this thread through before commenting. I have to ask how the girl knew you posted a picture just 5 minutes after you posted it on fb if you used a fake name et all.

As a very inquisitive lady myself, I know I have played pranks in the past to know what is going on especially when you can see handwritings on the wall so i wont blame you.

Everyone has been hurt once in life but what you do with your hurt matters. I personally think that you need to re evaluate a whole lot of things. With the scenario you painted, you guys like yourselves but there is something he sees in the other girl that he is looking for in you. Do you act like the good girl who is very obedient, saintly and would not do anything to displease her man?( The take home to mama like they call them) I am not saying it is wrong but you need to have a life of your own.

Hang out with friends, be outgoing, have fun, take extra care in your looks and make sure any man you come across sees you as an asset and not like he is doing you a favour. I know men(even if they deny it) like ladies that know their onions and match their status in every way.

A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. Get over him, hold on tight to the little dignity you've got left and dont go back to him even if his whole family come crawling but make sure you have a life of your own before you enter a new relationship.

Time heals the wound, forget about him, hook up with old friends and DONT CALL OR TEXT him on his bday cos he is sure expecting you to do that.(because you are the good girl who is always there that he has known and can predict for 3 years) If that is going to be hard, switch of your phones and give them to a friend to keep for you till after that day.

Remember, no one can make you happy except you.

Much love!!!

Thanks dear, that's exactly what I'm trying to do, cos it's not even about breaking up, but the just everything in general, the humilation.

Isu ata:
hmmmn, the reason i liked debosky's and olana's replies wewre becos they re inquisitiv and true natured men, its rare to find dis days cos ppple on NL jst type like dey speak^{dont think bf they_talktype dia replies}.

                 o gal, in as much as yu ve drawn so much sympathy, yur story lacks som substance. debo dey ask yyu sey why yu get bak insyd relationship wen yu neva clia ground of wia im disapia go for 3 months? yu seem to be some1 wu either was tryn to hide summin yu did durin dat 3 months or yu re just a mumu wit no principle-ow cld yu enter bak widout fully understandin wat went dwn gal? and yu behaved lyk a tart and did sumin dat ridiculous and som pple re hia clappin for yu. oga o! if yu cld go thru all dat widout thinkin _{yu shld be workin for police force} yu ve bin datin for 3 yrs and wen yu ask about wat went dwn he ll tell yu sorry sorry-it wnt happen again and yu go just gel like dat-yu re not givin us the full gist jare omo de yi!!! mape aja lo obo fun wa jo!_{excuse my rich lang}. dia re so many loose ends to yur story. ofcourse, if i wer the guy though i wldnt just brek up on fone like dat-i wld actually be amused and probably just hug yur hed to my chest and pat yur butt and say:ki lo n ma n se e na but we re all diffrent pple  with diffrent ways.
    yu knw the reason yu re hia rig marollin not knwing wat to do? its becos yu knew wat yu did was wrong, its becos yu knew deep down dat yu still dnt hav nothing on the guy=cos i knw if yu caught im boning the gal live!!!! yu wnt be askin for advise hia but yu re in adilemma becos yu dnt knw wats up.
    and now yu av to go bak to wat yu re supposed to av done b4- go to him and apologise or do wat yu ladies do wen yu dnt want to apologise, aftre dat find out wat went dwn gan gan and decide wat to do.

It was even hard trying to understand ur english but newayz read my post well and understan before just posting. Didn't you see, where i said i apologised if i offended him but that doesnt answer anything, and he didn't even want to hear me out or hear my explanation?

What did I do wrong mister? Clarify. And if u have a girl, let the tables be turned on you. She has cheated, behave strange and shut you out for months with no reasonable reason, and comes back and then on her facebook,  you see her in different events with a man especially during that period, and other people are commenting on them with love words, you call her and she yells at you to remove the picture of the both of you,  After all these,  you can decide to have nothing on her.

BlueDiva:
@ OP
Let him go in peace.
Wish him happy birthday !!
Don't ever show you're hurting.

So with all these, it's still ok to wish him a happy birthday?

Tstark:
It's obvious that this Diva girl is a glutton for punishment, you can see that by the way she is responding, and i can bet you that by the end of this month she will be back with the guy. When she gets back with him una no go hear from am again until the next breakup. Dump the guy, forgt about him and move on!!! Why should you be concerned about him upgrading himself if you know you can do better? Low self esteem dey worry you seriously.

May you never experience this or be in this situation if u haven't and I didn't say I was hanging on.

I didn't rush back into the relationship, we were working things out, he changed more loving like when we first met, even sometimes i told him, I didnt trust him, he would tell me, don't worry soon, I would. I would bring up that period, even when i needed help, he still wasnt there for me or check up on me and all, he would tell me sorry, that it would never happen again.

Is it not only natural to want to find out what really happened to free your mind. I wasn't talking about the present.

@Debo

I used a completely different name and I did ask a friend request to someone she knows not her, then 5 mins later, this particular lady asked me for friend request, meaning her friend must have told her something.

I only did this facebook thing to see if i could get answers to what happened during that period. It was just a day thing.It was something i wanted to find out for myself and then invite him over to talk to him about everything, next day cos during that period, we were fine. I just wanted to assure myself that tomorrow, the same wouldn't just happen.

@Olanajim

True talk.

It's not even about him being fed up, let's assume he was fed up, he had the opportunity to do all he had to do. I was on my own, moving on, when he came back, that he doesn't want to leave me and all, asking me if i met someone else? all sorts, that it's just going to US.

TRUST is the basis you are right but how can one trust in this situation?. And i wasn't suspecting him, all i needed were answers as to what made him shut me out that period especially when we weren't fighting.

debosky:
The boy has a facebook page does he not? Why not look at his page and see if he has all the lovey dovey comments on his pictures with her on his profile? Why be a devious and scheming woman and falsify his identity on facebook?

I would be mad if I were him. It's either you trust me or you don't. SIMPLE. If you don't trust him, LEAVE HIM. He apologised and said he failed you - why not ask him what happened during the three months?

Why accept him back if you know you were not satisfied and needed answers?

Instead you went on your over sabi [/i]detective work and violated his privacy and impersonating him. I can't stand scheming people, they are the worst.

All these actions were from the GIRL. How do you know your boyfriend had anything to do with her except for her posting pictures of him everywhere? [/b]I have known girls who will go around claiming to be [i]so and so's boyfriend and the guy has nothing to do with them - they are just stalkers and confused people.

You went out of bounds. TRUST is the basis for any relationship. If you don't trust him and need to snoop around, then forget about it.

Please read my original post again. I had written where i asked him how could he shut me out for months without any reason, his only reply was sorry it wouldn't happen again, and yes he made comments, such as "u go baby, nice hair luv" on one of her pics, she commented back "baby ur my inspiration"


And i created a page with a fake name with a [b]PICTURE OF US NOT HIM. ONE WE TOOK TOGETHER.

@Olanajim
So what are you really implying? That i sounded desperate or what? I wasn't expecting him to marry me immediately not even a year from now.
I expect being straight with me,he doesn;t want me to have any other guy, we were in a RELATIONSHIP, I have every right to know if he's involved with someone else and if she is sacrificing the way im doing, when he was sick, was she there?? or broke, was she there?? I would want someone to doall that for me too and appreciate it,

I'm not perfect, he's not perfect, where did communication go? what would be better in the other woman he would find?? even if, it would never work out, as long as God is there.

They might not have been kissing in their pics, they were just pics regular friends or people could take but it was her reaction that made me suspect. 5mins after. asking me for friend request, changing her own profile pic toone with them, adding new pics of him and her, then other people's comment, lovebirds and all, Is the hand writing not writing itself on the wall?

@Olanajim
Let me ask you, if you had a girl you loved so much, been together for 3 years and something like this happens, you would be so mad to even break up with her through the phone?

And this facebook issue was only a day, when i decided not to torture my heart anymore, so if im loving him back for real, i have to clear this issue. It was only a day, i put a picture of US, set the fake profile, and removed it next day, just to see the other lady's reaction. I didn't even talk to her.

This is the same guy that would cry to me, he loves me and I should never leave him. Asking me millions of time "If i loved him" and also, i didn't hold him back, why did he come back to me, though he changed and was much better than before that's what is even making me more confused.

Honestly as it is, I don't wish them happiness, actress or no actress, charm or no charm, God should really fight for me.

What is the big deal "Babe, remove the pic", "why did you put the pic without my permission?" Talk to me, and we see if we could resolve the issue.

The way he spoke to me especially through the phone, made me even feel i had failed totally, U know how it is, even if you are Halle Berry or you could get as many guys as you want, but your self esteem goes down. You look at yourself in the mirror and think about everything and still ask, if I'm all this, how could someone do this?

@Olanajim

When i said ups and downs, misunderstanding like every other couple and of cause things changed when I founded he cheated on me but I forgave him.
For THREE YEARS, I should find out if i was just for a ride Ok assuming you are right I should have asked for his permission, he didn't even give me a chance to explain myself or say anything, he was just yelling and calling me all sorts, an even when I apologised if he was offended but of cause I needed explanation, what about that?? Did i commit the Unforgivable?? How about after everything he did, and I could forgive him and still help him out to see him happy, How about that??

During that 2-3 months period, things were absolutely very fine, until a day I called him, to know how his day went and how he's doing, his reply was "the economy was bad" and sounding strange unlike how we used to talk. infact prior to that, we saw how many times, even spoke to his mum a day before and all.

And finally even if You think I was wrong, so this is the unforgivable to someone he claimed he loved so much, i would have his children, i made some sacrifices or after everything, still there for him

While I'm here hurt, angry, trying to really understand what's going on, he's out there upgrading himself,. I just wish karma, Newayz there is a God.

topup:
[color=#008855]

Hmpf!! 3 years and he still had the nerves to play games!
[/color]

That's what baffles me cos I speak to his mum every now and then and sister, taking me for engagement ring and then this It's just hard to understand. I didn't hold him back, he was the one holding me and didn't want to let go and then this. I'm just like despite me being on the good side, he didn't lose anything or would not regret anything. This is an actress that could introduce him to their world, popularity and all.

His birthday is saturday, with this situation, is it still reasonable for me to wish him a happy Birthday or not?