The only word in the english language that rhymes with 'orange' is Chuck Norris

There's no blood in Chuck Norris' veins. It's just one long strand of tobacco spit.

Chuck Norris is what makes the Central Nervous System nervous.

Chuck Norris met an exclamation point (!)and punched it in the face. We now have question mark(?)

Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.

Chuck Norris doesn't have a license...his beard does.

When he enters his living room, the television turns on to watch Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris came before both the chicken AND the egg

When Chuck Norris tried out for American Idol, Simon cried.

When Chuck Norris goes to job interviews, employers give him their resumés.

The day Chuck Norris was born was the day WWII ended.

Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."

Chuck Norris watches Saturday Night Live on Friday.

I know how to defeat Chuck Norris but he would kil.....Arrrgh

Korea once sent an army......... America sent Chuck Norris with a bb gun

Lee Harvey Oswald did not kill JFK! Chuck Norris accidentally shot a spit-wad out of the book depository building striking JFK in the head.

Chuck Norris gives the boggeyman nightmares.

If Chuck Norris needed an operation he'd perform it on himself and tell the surgeons to gather round and learn something.

Chuck Norris does not need a stove to boil water, he just growls at it.

Iron Man got the idea for his armoured suit from Chuck Norris' underwear.

Chuck Norris cheated on his English test..................with a calculator

Chuck Norris once vacationed in Atlantis and didn't have a good time. The lost continent has yet to be found.

MC Hammer can't touch this but Chuck Norris can.

Chuck Norris will cry only on his death.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from Chuck Norris.

texanomaly:
This could go on forever. There are a ton of these.

That's my intended purpose. No harm in enjoying a good laugh.

^^ Hehehe...

Chuck Norris can sneak into a room with 4 people and make eye contact with all of them and sneak out again without being detected.

Chuck Norris voice doesn't have an echo - No one talks back at Chuck Norriis.

Chuck Norris is so fast that he can leave work at 4:30 pm and arrive home at 3:30 am on the same day

When you Google Chuck Norris, there are no results found .... you dont find Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris finds you.

Chuck Norris doesn't need twitter. He snatches humming birds from the sky and gives them 24 hrs to relay his message or die

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris dosen't have a bad hair day...hair has a bad Chuck Norris

If Chuck Norris was a woman"- He would still be THE MAN

Batman is scarred of the dark because of Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris can split the atom. With his bare hands.

Chuck Norris went to a Killers concert and was disappointed that everyone was allowed to live

During WWII, they didn't drop the bomb on hiroshima, they dropped Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't believed in theory of evolution, he is the missing link.

Chuck Norris once scored two goals in a soccer game. It was considered a hat-trick.

Chuck Norris can lift up air

^^ Nice one!

texanomaly: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...I love Chuck Noris Facts

Me too...

Chuck Norris makes onions cry.



Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.



Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris’ PC will crash.



Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.



Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.



Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.



Chuck Norris can drown a fish.



Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano



When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.



Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.



When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.



Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.



The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.



Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.



Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.



A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.



Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Chuck Norris.



If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn’t say, “Did you mean Chuck Norris?” It simply replies, “Run while you still have the chance.”



Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.



Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.



When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.



Chuck Norris doesn’t have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.



Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.



Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.



Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.



There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.



Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.



Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life… unless it gets in his way.



It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.



Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”



In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.



Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.



Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.



Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.



With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.



The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.



When you say no one's perfect, Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult

The mother has crazy eyes. There's definitely a loosen nut upstairs.

And BTW, that's a real gun.

Yes, in your wet dreams.

I think you should definitely post a picture of you and write more important information about yourself like your age and whatnot. I fear if you don't do so, you're not going to get what you want which is a MAN.

CAMEROONPRIDE: i'm sorry but Nigerians don't know how to cook, stop calling the watery stuffs u put on fire stew, capiche? that's not stew, and definitively not what any sane human will call food.

WHAT!!!You must be kidding right?

Or was your statement meant to be sarcastic.

Either way, dude this is where I would never agree with you.

There's a difference between SUNDAY STEW and your everyday STEW.

Sundays stew takes hours to cook with the frying of beef/chicken, plantain.

While your everday stew takes nothing more than half an hr to prepare.

Also, keep in mind that your method of preparation depends on how easily ready your stew would be. Always remember that stew cooked on gas taste better and is faster than those made on stove but the almighty firewood is the best of them all...

IAMBREEZY: like seriously

It was pure sarcasm.

You know what it means right??!

I love it when they fight.

onila: his not funny

Onila, could you please upload a picture of you.

I know it is outrageous but I would like a put a face to the controversial person behind that moniker.

joeydozzy:



Why evils?

So you know that song.

Vic O - Why evils

Airforce1: Onila love, I can see why u so popular n dis forum and outtie nland..
Your mom dated gay.

What an achievement.

Onila, na you dem finish like this?

Try this step, it works perfectly fine and I guarantee and everlasting peace afterward.

Go hug a transformer.

Yes and Michael Jackson is my father.

Toktee: The more you talk,the more you exposed urself as an old foool,you called a sitting governor who have never in his life have a case of drugs with police a drug addict,i can see that you really have a problem with apc gvt in edo state maybe u are close to tony anini,or u are one of the pdp thugs in edo state that is why u are so bitter about oshobaba administratio,if u are not happy with them,locate a nearest transformer and do the rest.
Next time contribute meaningfully instead of allowing the weed in ur head to manifest here on nl,u are too old for that ok?.
As for patrick,i still manitain that he is better than ur entire family put together,oldman

Dude, you're one funny nutter.

At least no one in my family go about dressing like a nutcase and soiling the name of the family with buffoonery.

Uyi Iredia:

Oh shut up ! You ain't up to his level so you'll hardly comprehend. Not to mention you'll complain or dislike bad grammar.

Yes, I'm not on a level to comprehend to utter stupidity.

Having the gift of garb does not mean one should make up pseudo-words and languages just to appear smart.

Having the gift of garb is when one uses the right tenses in the right manner that even a common man would understand the message that is being passed acrossed.

Even the U.S president with all his background in law and politics still speak in a simple grammar when he's addressing the nation.

Edosa Great: shot ur mouth! U're so idiotic foolish judge!

Ignorant is what you are and not to forget... A FOOOL..

Toktee: You lack proper upbringing,what makes him fraud,and what make him empty barrel,,atleast i know him as a former member of the house of reps and presently the chief of staff to the governor of his state,
so,what are you?

You father lacks proper upbringing you dimwit. Is this what passes as intelligence from where you come from to being utterly disrespectful and stupiid?

If he was once a member of the house of rep and currently the chief of staff to the drug addicted Edo state governor, how is it any of my concern?

Since Mr Patrick Agbon or whatever he calls himself is too intelligent, why hasn't he won any international award. A noble lauret of something would suffice. Day to day, the former representative keep showing us that he is a FRAUD with his pseudo-lingua and you are here forming familiarity to a man who doesn't give a second hoot about you.

Go get a job dude. At least I don't go around parading my stupidity with big words which doesn't actually exist in the English diction just to prove how smart I am. My meager communication skill and gift of garb would suffice for me for now.

IYA NGBALI: moderator you banned me for asking a simple question from my fellow nairalanders,is it now a crime to ask if TB Joshua has spoken on an issue? I never get your time,if you think you can frustrate me here,you have got another think coming. I would leave nairaland when i like and not when you like,continue to ban me,na you go tire,the last few hours you used in banning me here,i spent in registering some new names,so we never start,meanwhile i still dey ask the question,has TB Joshua spoke on the issue? BAN ME IF YOU WANT,I WOULD ALWAYS BE BACK ON THE BLOCK.

Fuccking the Mods....LIKE A BOSS

What's the use of using pseudo-words in your lingua when half the audience does not understand what you're saying.

Mixing the English language with words from latin, french and spanish just to appear smarter. This is ridiculous and this is the kind of man we elect to lead us. A man who has no real identity and who isn't original. A fraud.

Isn't this the height of buffoonery and stupidity coming from a well educated grown man? We would expect this from high school students and undergrads but not from a grown man.

Like they say, empty barrels make the loudest noise.