₦airaland Forum

Mindfulness:
Emotional support. Being there when you mourn. Take care of you. Spend time. Listen. Again and again.

I don't get what you're driving at.

If you've got a particular example relating to your personal experience, then out with it. This is getting tiresome.

Mindfulness:
Very true! But we are humans and not angels.

Are you telling me that you wouldn't be disappointed if your husband left you alone when one of your parents died?


Another scenario, your husband wants to marry a second wife, would you forgive him?

"Left alone" as how? And no, that never happened, not even when my dad passed away. I got 150% support from him.

Re: Marrying a second wife, that doesn't faze me. I'll even give him the money for her bride price. I could do with a childminder to run after my energetic toddler.

edwife:
chilli ndo....

Choi!

Must you rub it in?

Lemme flood her mentions this evening...

Chillisauce, Chillisauce, sweet chilli...the only smoking red hot Chilli pepper across the Cameroon border.

Oh sweet Chillisauce, why art thou banned this fine Sunday evening? Go ye forth and appeaseth the spambot god of banning...

Cococandy, try Argos too. They've got lovely toys categorized by age, product and more.

Mindfulness:
It is not injustice AND betrayal when someone leaves you alone in your worst moment even though you were there for them in difficult times?

If you give with an open heart without expecting anything back in return, you'll never feel that way - betrayed.

Mindfulness:
Trust me, I hate entitlement culture. It makes me furious. This is not what it is about.
Let us leave out the financial aspect, how would you respond then?

So what is this about then?

cococandy:
The spambot didn't want me to see the cute pic I guess.

Chillisauce na private babe. Too many viewers online. She'll only reveal on a one-to-one basis with no dodgy "guests" peeping in on the show. Abi Chilli?

Ah! Chilli, I forgot you've been banned. Oya wriggle your toes, or clasp my hand (like in the movies) to indicate you hear ma voice...

edwife:
@Efemenexy spam bot?

Me?

I'm fine oh!

Must be Chilli again. Everytime she quotes my name, she gets banned.

Mindfulness:
Let's say you need emotional and financial support because someone in your family is sick or died but the person closest to you, who you were sure would be by your side in difficult times, is not there for you in a way you would need him or her to be there for you.

This is where many Nigerians get it wrong. This Entitlement culture.

Just because you think someone's going to help you out, doesn't mean their financially obligated to. Help is just what it is. Help, and nothing more. It's actually offensive and quite immature to hold a grudge against someone just because they can't dole out their money to you, on your say-so.

Mindfulness:
Let's say someone does not invite you to a family gathering and you are disappointed.

So? Rather than hold a grudge against them, you either move on, or if you've got the time to burn, ask them why you weren't invited. Never presume on behalf of people until you know the full story.

Mindfulness:
Let's say someone lies to you and you learn about it later.

Then you ask them why they lied to you.

Honestly, none of the reasons you've given above are enough reason to keep malice with folks. Life is just way too short for this. Seriously.

edwife:
they should leave that girl alone....

I am telling you,i refused to buy,in fact i will not buy until i sense some sort of responsibility from them.It is money na efe,you know how much those wardrobes cost and to buy another one? We spend so much on clothes and shoes because they keep growing like iroko tree and now changing furnitures in the picture?

Lol! @ Iroko trees.

I can't get past the million of clothes in this house alone. I don dash charity tired, I've got bags and bags of the stuff. I told my youngest son today to throw away any old clothes he doesn't want anymore - but me sha nor dey buy again.

Chillisauce:
The cry works with their papa. Not me.
Once the caprice start,
Allez . Go to your room.
They run straight and shut the door. When they cry finish, they come out telling me they are done and need a hug.
Works for me. Esp when cajole doesn't work anymore

That "Go to your room" Odikwa risky. That's the genesis of the whala. When my two youngest "fight" i.e madam and her immediate older brother, I do the "Go To Your Room Now!" thing for some peace and quite but then I get slamming doors, wardrobes, et al. Plus lots of floorboard stamping. Even broken radiator. But not anymore.

Why? Actions and Consequences. After being without a wardrobe for a long time, the last thing the guy wants to do is smash the new one. I even used to say, if you wanna stamp a hole in your bedroom floor, feel free sha. But I won't be fixing it for you.

Chillisauce:
Efe, right from little they know. See the small one on her table. No crayon on my wall oh.

See the drawing place for them

I no get strength . The last thing they will do is write on the wall when all drawing papers are there for them

Choi!! Pretty baby.

And your walls are so white? Na creamy yellow we get oh. I used to fantasize about going all white when I get my own home (pre-marriage). I carpets, rugs, curtains, bedsheets, duvet covers, sofa, etc. Now, I know better. The dream may still materialize when they've flown the nest.

SAMBARRY:
thank you not interested

y'all can share your shagamu soups together

bet remind him to take you and his numerous wives for the ojude oba festival o

Lol!

I can't even begin to explain what you're missing babe.

Give me a shout when you change your mind sha.

edwife:
All the wardrobe doors are gone... na open wardrobe dem they use.I no fit shout,that wardrobe was only 4 months old when they decided to experiment their carpentry skills.

Haha!

I got that too. After spending good money on double wardrobes for them twice, I decided to let them stew in it for months. After using their hard earned / saved pocket money to buy a new set, they've been ever so careful not to break this one. Hubby fixed it up for them just a few weeks ago.

Little madam's been banned from their room. Lol!

Chillisauce:
The only place they have color crayon is where he learnt to potty.

After then I limited their drawing and painting area at varanda with sandy paint. I limit only toys in room .

Set the rules. Your house, your rules

How many crayons, pencils, pens, eye-liners, lipsticks, felt-pens, markers, shoe polish, nail varnish, and so on can you hide, eh?

We all did our best but little madam still found her way through pencil cases (her brothers'), handbags (mine), toolboxes (her dad's) and scribbled on the walls. She actually started from the 2^nd level floor and did one long unbroken line all the way downstairs to the front door.

The girl was unstoppable. Hubby eventually had to buy some paint from B&Q to do up the walls again, but even then....

Coco, it's a phase they all go through. Your walls will only remain clean and fresh when they mature enough to understand scribbling the 10 commandments isn't on.

I wouldn't go for extremely bold colours like the red one in your first picture. Red is so full of energy. You can't be on a 24hr high seven days a week. You'll burn out.

I love soft yellow colours or sky-blue. Light blue has such a calming effect. Soft yellow make the room appear sunny and bright even on dull, gloomy days in the cold winter months. I like the yellow in your picture but minus the bold black / brown prints on the wall.

Now here's an example of what I'd choose. Soft yellow and a uni-sex colour too. Minus the pink rocking chair. I'd rather go for the same shade of yellow covering on it rather than pink.

Sagamite:
Question time.

The days of Sir David Frost are long gone in journalism.

What we have now is junk. The Piers Morgan era is what we have nowadays.

Sweaty Piers Morgan? The guy's a joke, Saga.

SAMBARRY:
Ok o let me excuse you o


happy married life in advance

We've been married for tey-tey. Didn't you know Jennykadry was his first wife and me the 3rd out of his 5 legal wives? Every yam festival, we visit his shrine at Shagamu for blessings.

He does have plenty-plenty girlfriends but if you ask me nicely, I could put in a good word for you so he includes you in his long list of conquests.

Sagamite:
Exactly.

That is the culture of modern UK journalist nowadays.

Looking for the next day headline.

The feel they can do that because they interviewer will largely always remain anonymous and is giving no opinion (just asking questions), while the interviewed would be the popular person being provoked or tempted to say something disagreeable to be on the front page the next day.

Complete useless journalism not aimed at getting valuable information for the audience or challenge the interviewed rigorously. It is just aimed at extracting sensationalism.

That Ayoade nigga was damn ready.

By the end you will be wondering "what was that interview about again". He just talked rubbish throughout.

"You want rubbish? I go give you rubbish".

Lol!

Saga, what's the name of that open panel discussion (with some representatives of the main political parties) that occurs some nights immediately after the 10 O'clock BBC News? The presenter of that show is a brilliant moderator. Exhibits top-notch professionalism without compromising his integrity in the process. Kind of like going in for the kill without actually killing the prey if you know what I mean.

Another good one is John Snow from Channel 4.

Mindfulness:
I conclude that you don't hold grudges because you can understand others, like in this example, the cultural differences, which leads to another conclusion, that people who are able to take on someone else's perspective are probably more capable of forgiveness.

Just out of curiosity, how do cultural differences manifest in this scenario? Can you give an example of what she says that could be considered rude or offensive?



This is what I also do.
When I was younger, I would continue talking in anger and later regret the things I said. We grow wiser with age.

Yep, wisdom grows with age.

Re: the bolded, unfortunately, I can't do that. Already said too much anyway.

Sagamite:
Exactly!

This Kristian Guru-Murthy is fast losing all forms of professional credibility with his interviewing approach.

He is becoming a complete tabloid journalist who is looking to provoke the people he is interviewing with moronic questions and strawmans.

Quentin Tarantino did not know how to handle him though. He lost too much control.

Here is a brilliant chap that handled it better. This is how I will handle it on the day I choose not to be aggressive. Take a piss out of him and just talk shyt.

Nice ones, Saga.

The interviewer (oh pls what's his name again?), tends to go in too hard. That might work for some and not for others - but how can making unsuspecting people look silly be any good for his career? If his potential interviewees knew what to expect, then they'd be a lot more prepared like the Nigerian / Norwegian writer.

You know, I think there is a time and a place for everything. HARDTALK is more appropriate for such interviews.

SAMBARRY:
ya last paragraph na

You sef.

My bobo (Sagamite) is whispering in my ears. Why d'you choose this moment to distract me, Kulyie?

And in response to your question, no babes, you don't fall into the category @OP is describing na. I mean, I know you have wacky ideas and we've disagreed many many times but it's never got out of hand now. Or has it?

Happy Sunday!

Mindfulness:
Why do you think are you able to forgive quickly?

Well, probably because I choose not to dwell on it. So take for example, family members. I love my sister-in-law (hubby's brother's wife) to bits. We can talk for hours on end about everything and nothing in particular. Sometimes she might say certain things out of line which I normally would find offensive but I give allowances for our very different cultural backgrounds (she's European). But on one occasion, she did say something that got me really mad. I was literally boiling inside but on the outside, I calmly told her I didn't want to talk about it and ended the call shortly after. Then she sends a text to reiterate her point. I nearly threw the phone against the wall, but again, I restrained myself with a "thanks for your opinion, but I really don't want to discuss this anymore".

Didn't call her for a couple of days but then she called and I picked. Her first response was, "I thought you weren't going to pick up". It was at that point I let her know how offended I felt and even before I completed my sentence, she was apologizing. Now why did I leave it for a few days? Was that really keeping malice with her from my end? No, it wasn't. But sometimes, it's best not to say things in the heat of the moment. Take as much time as you need to cool down. When you're in a calmer frame of mind, then address the issue again, but in a saner mood. To cut a long story short, we're back on track and as good as gold.

D'you get me now?

SAMBARRY:
Am I one of them

One of who?

Mindfulness:
The virtual world is different. Once you shut down your computer, they are gone.

True that.

Mindfulness:
Life, humans and human relationships are complex. Sometimes we make them more complicated than necessary but that is just the way it is.

Like cheap soaps, yeah?

Mindfulness:
Let us talk about life offline. How long do you need to forgive?

Not long. Most times, it's instant.

Saga, that clip was awesome - and that's putting it mildly.

Corbyn was absolutely right about his interviewer applying "tabloid journalism", and that really was a cheap gimmick aimed at stirring an immediate outrage - and I fell for that too at the beginning when he asked him why he called those groups his "friends". If I (and I think many others too) hadn't heard Jeremy Corbyn's explanation, we definitely would have been biased.

His explanation was factual, straight to the point, and literally left his interviewer clutching at straws. He succeeded in making him look very unprofessional, despite all his years of "journalism". I think sometimes, these people need a proper shout-down.

Good viewing material. I certainly like guy a zillion times better. Maybe, after our wet lettuce of an ex-labour leader (Eds), there is some light at the end of the tunnel for Labour.

Sagamite:
Exactly!

His name is Jeremy Corbyn.

The first time I saw him was on TV being interviewed by Guru-Murthy of Channel 4 with the typical UK TV interviewer aggressive, interrupting and I-must-trip-you approach and he categorically told Guru-Murthy off to shut up.

I had been waiting for long for a politician with some balls that would do that because I knew that is what I would do if I was the one.

I was so happy, I immediately whatsapp my friends to tell them I think I have finally found a UK politician I can back.

A politician that speaks his mind, not the cretins that are constantly looking for applause and want to look "modern".

Lol! Saga.

Oya lemme watch this first then, then will get back to you.

amiskurie:
Definitely NO!


Men are always right,and they have good excuses or reasons!

So in other words, men (from your definition / explanation) are hypocrites, fake, and have little or no substance. Yes?

Mindfulness:
This thread was inspired by another (The power of grudges in the family.) and some family members of mine who are known for bearing grudges for a while, whether they have been really wronged or just imaginatively.

What kind of person are you? Quick to forgive or rather resentful or even vindictive?

I am trying to understand what the psychology is behind a forgiving and unforgiving nature? And maybe we can help some people cope with their rather unforgiving family members.

Some people just aren't worth it, not one bit.

Take Nairaland for example. I tend to be an easy-going person and I usually give people a very, very, veryyyyyyyyyyyyy long rope with which to hang themselves if they so wish. Thing is, there are certain boundaries that shouldn't be crossed. Once that happens, I immediately cut off my so-called "friends".

Some may see it as keeping malice, but for me, it's a case of "I'm so done with you". Next thing is to move on. And if they like, they can quote me for all I care. I either ignore, or if I find their post offensive, click the "Report" button.

Life doesn't have to be that complicated.

But having said that, there are some folks on here that I do like, have known for a long time, and will always forgive & forget matter how much we fight. I guess it just boils down to personality. Hope I'm making sense this Sunday evening?

Abbeyme:
This is a cake. But can you cut it?


What will run through your mind if it was presented to you for an occasion..

I don't believe it's a cake. What makes you think it is anyway? Prove it.

amiskurie:
Good example to the foolish ones

Would you be saying the same thing if it was the other way round?

Sagamite:
Yep.

Just like they did against UKIP.

I have never seen such media intense and bias attack in my life especially from the BBC and [the homosexuality-champions] Channel 4.

Relentless attack to tarnish the party and/or make it look like an unserious set-up.

Coming up with one "ist" and "phobic" after the other to throw at them.

"Extremist, racist, homophobic, xenophobic, sexist, transphobic, alarmist etc".

Nigel Farage worked hard and did well. They just kept attacking with accusations to keep him busy (not talking about policy) and make his party look bad (if you keep on talking negative about someone's character, they will not look respectable, hence unelectable).

That is a tactic these western jourrnalist use, so that they can throw their hands in the air and say they are not bias and are just asking questions.

But if you are asking such negative questions all the time, then your accusations will subconciously be highly likely associated with the target. They know this and employ it very well alot of times.

If I keep on asking a man in public, at different times, over and over and over again, if he is sure he does not molests kids, soon people would soon start thinking "he might be doing that" even if there is no concrete evidence he does. It is human nature to the less sharp mind, which form the majority of people.

That is what is called media bias.

What this Jeremy Corbyn is going to try and bring to UK politics is the Scandinavian socialist system.

I am sure everyone knows it has worked perfectly well for the Scandinavians, so I wonder why all the subtle attack. The constant "is he unelectable?", which they hope would stick once they ask it over and over again.

That said, do I think a rapid application of the Scandinavian socialism would work in the UK?

No.

The British people have a different mindset and culture. It will take decades to change it. So you have to implement such changes extremely slowly.

That said, I am sure if Labour wins London Mayoral elections, house price growth will slow drastically.

As long as the Bank of England Base / Interest Rate stays low (even if artificially), then I'm cool with that abeg. I think it once peaked to 16% at the height of the recession in '92, compliments to the conservative government in power then.

Sagamite:
For those quite inquisitive, some of you would be aware that the US Democrats' presidential candidate, Hillary Clinton, is in a bit of trouble because while she was US Secretary of State (i.e. Foreign Affairs Minister), she use her personal email to communicate on some of her official work. Hence taking a risk with an insecure public server.

Now the US State Department have been releasing last week some of her emails to the public after she turned them in.

Now read some what was discussed about British politicians and elite with one of her advisers.

Her unofficial adviser, Sidney Blumenthal, emailed her the following analysis:

“Cameron would be superficially friendly and privately scornful. Class has a lot to do with the contempt. A Cameron government would be more aristocratic and even narrowly Etonian than any Conservative government in recent history.”

"Nick Clegg has inbred arrogance" He adds that the former Lib Dem leader is “from no less a privileged background than Cameron, though seeming less snobbish because he went to Westminster instead of Eton and has a less pronounced upper-class accent”.

That Nick Clegg "will look down on her because he went to public school".

And that "Britain ruled by ex-public school boys had no friends in Europe".

http://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2015/sep/01/new-hillary-clinton-emails-reveal-david-milibands-heartache-at-leadership-loss

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/cameron-and-clegg-are-snobbish-and-arrogant-us-government-advisers-told-clinton-10481271.html

http://www.spectator.co.uk/columnists/hugo-rifkind/9622002/the-real-lesson-of-the-hillary-clinton-emails-most-secrets-are-boring/

EXACTLY the way I have always stated Cameron was on NL. Pretentious, fake cretin! Work with this kind of guy, he would fcking smile at you while looking down on you behind your back. He is always thinking he is smart and can manage the people by "intelligently" fooling them.

As I said, these positions are already shared out in the top public schools (what we call "private schools" in Nigeria) like Eton, Harrow, Winchester and co. And if you are not in the network of these aristocrats, whether you are black or white or green, you have little chance, they will look down on you.

The adviser said it, Cameron was going to appoint mainly from his secondary school just like I said. And that was what happened.

http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2013/may/01/cameron-defends-downing-street-appointments

And some moronic hooodrat ediot wants to be arguing with me about people I have studied and worked with extensively in the past few years of my life?

Fckng Labour leading class put 3 Oxbridge connected arsitocrats in leadership race for members to vote as leader, and then threw in one commoner they thought had no chance and was unvoteable just to give the illusion that they were not snobby.

Well, the commoner out-foxed them and won because he is the type that speaks the fck what he means and wants. I bet that guy is from Sagamu.

I know I'm sooooooooooooo far behind on my current affairs - but is this the elderly man from the trio that got selected? Even without knowing much about his background, I already preferred him on sight. Something about the way he carried himself got to me. Self-respect and genuine. Not some fake career wannabe aspirationist that'll sell his soul to the other party just to get "in there". I'm referring to Nicky C.

freecocoa:
African gentleman style, he still had to insist.

These people no go kill person.

I find it hard to believe that despite his gra-gra-gra nature, BoboYekini sabi cook. Na real fainting stuff, I tell you.

BoboYekini:
How did I miss this? Hi love

You missed it because you weren't paying attention (as usual). Howdy?