₦airaland Forum

Ok

This same guys if not caught may use this money to go into politics and what do you think they will do? Looting continua. Why politics? Because it is one of the highest paying 'investments' in our land.

Journalists have been given another line to add to any article/news they will write about him in future.

They will say ''Recall that in late 2014, Vitaly was thrown into a bin by angry Ukrainians. He was seen struggling to escape like a cockroach caught among fowls.''

Hmmm...

Keep thread alive. By the way how many mods have been on duty lately? Topics are just flashing through the frontpage.

Hmmm...

And the young men will still go to the gallows? The judgement should be revisited, nay, changed to a lighter punishment.

shockwave91: ehnn not really. I'm actually serious. I'm in love wif the ruthlessness and i love the #Extremes. Think i shud calm down a lil bit?

yes. You can still make your point clear/draw the lines without being ruthless.

shockwave91: swear to God i was like this growing up. Thank God i've changed....to a ruthless bastard

Ruthless? That's going to the extreme. I hope you were just joking

CircleOfWilis: A thread for stingy people

Nowhere was it stated that you should be stingy. Give as much as you can but with wisdom.
And by the way, why are people only looking at this from the angle of giving material things?
I guess some people need everything spelt out for them word for word.

musicwriter: Stop preaching selfishness, my friend.

I will keep giving, as long as I have.

I knew someone would come up with this.

You did not fully comprehend the post. Even before I started out, I made it clear that there is nothing wrong in being generous. In fact the world is a better place with more generous people. But always giving at your own expense and always having to say yes to people's demands when you know it's to your detriment is not good. Sometimes always helping others makes them irresponsible.
Jesus had boundaries. Did you ever read in the Scriptures where it said that Jesus would not entrust himself to men because he knew all men?
This is not encouraging selfishness. It's about applying wisdom in dealing with people.

You may want to read the post again.

lampardizik: where is the source.....i have seen this somewhere before

You most likely saw it on this forum. Not exactly this though. I posted a similar topic here before Nairaland was hacked. OK now?

Thanks Mynd.

Contributions...

The woman had depression. Depression in elderly people often goes untreated because many people think that depression is a normal part of aging and a natural reaction to chronic illness, loss and social transition.
Many older persons think that depression is a character flaw and are worried about being made fun of or of being humiliated. They may blame themselves for their illness and are too ashamed to get help. Others worry that treatment would be too costly.
Late-life depression increases risk for medical illness and cognitive decline. Unrecognized and untreated depression has fatal consequences in terms of both suicide and non suicide mortality.

If only she sought/found help on time, this would have been averted.

Nice

Nigerians can be serious if we want to. I'm happy at the way we 'ganged up' against this ebola. We love our lives very dearly

Hmmm...

Your fear of failure may be due to excessive pressure to succeed. You have to understand that it's ok to fail sometimes. Don't bother so much about the high expectations you think people have of you. Do your best in all your endeavours but be open to disappointments because they are inevitable.

Charles4075: . Bros, the problem now comes from most parents. There was a lady in my area who threatened another lady that her son is a cultist and the son will kill the other lady.. Just imagine, a mother for that matter boastful of her child being a cultist. Well ''All Mothers are Women but not All Women are Mothers''.

that's bad. I pray her child won't hate her in the future for not correcting him now

Who is supposed to provide the pipe-borne water?

What is the point in having so many traditional rulers when they cannot push for the development of their communities? They sure have a voice. But most of them are only interested in the title and the benefits it accrues to them.

These young boys are been misled.
They haven't gone anywhere in life yet and their lives are already complicated.
Oh that someone will open their eyes to see the end of the path they are treading.

Parents should try as much as possible to build healthy self-esteem in their children so that they won't go looking for acceptance in the wrong places.

Of course, everybody's WAEC result is ready. The matter here is that the girls are nowhere to be found.

hmmm...

Ok.

Their action is condemnable but looking at the fact that they did it out of frustration, I think the death penalty is too harsh. I guess they want to use this as a deterrent to others. Nevertheless, the issue that led to this kind of behaviour should be addressed. Don't soldiers have rights too? You don't expect them to keep mute even when treated unfairly.

Let me use my dad as an example. When we were much younger, in primary school, he used to give large financial help to his brothers and sisters. He had much to spare because we were still in primary school and school fees wasn't that much. It became a regular thing for him to help them whenever they were in need.

As we grew older, family responsibilities began to increase, needs began to eat deep into his finances and then the problem arose. He did not know how to stop giving to his brothers who have already become somewhat dependent on him.
The issue was not that he continued to give, it was the fact that he was straining his own finances at the expense of himself and his immediate family.

He had to learn over time that helping others does not mean that you neglect your own needs. From then on, he only gave when it was really necessary and it also made his brothers to become independent and responsible for their own lives.

This is just one of many examples of cases where one needs to set boundaries.

Feel free to share yours.

Let's begin with this quick assessment.

(1) Do you have a hard time saying 'no' to others' requests even when they're unreasonable?
(2)Do you often find yourself under-appreciated and taken for granted?
(3)Are you afraid of being rejected if you don't go along with certain people's whims and demands?
(4)Have you been in relationships in the past where you felt used by your partner because of your easy going nature?
(5)Do you feel an obligation to help everyone that calls out to you even though it will hurt you?

If your answer to most of the above is yes, its about time you set some boundaries. For the record, there is nothing wrong with being kind hearted and generous but it is important to be nice in a way that is healthy for everyone involved (especially you) so that you're not consistently holding the short end of the stick.

Creating healthy boundaries is empowering. By recognising the need to set and enforce limits, you protect your self-esteem, maintain self-respect and enjoy healthy relationships.
A lack of boundaries is like leaving the door of your home unlocked: anyone including unwelcome guests, can enter at will. On the other hand, having too rigid boundaries can lead to isolation, like leaving in a locked-up castle surrounded by a high wall. No one can get it, and you can't get out.

It is not easy to define personal boundaries because the lines are invisible, can change and are unique to each individual.
Personal boundaries are like the 'no trespassing' sign defining where you end and others begin and they are determined by the amount of physical and emotional space you allow between yourself and others. These boundaries help you decide what types of communication, behaviour and interaction are acceptable.

Emotional boundaries protect your sense of self-esteem and ability to separate your feelings from others'.
When you have weak emotional boundaries, it's like getting caught in a hurricane with no protection. You expose yourself to being greatly affected by other's words, thoughts and actions and end up feeling bruised and wounded.

Examples of weak emotional boundaries are:
(1)Not knowing how to separate your feeling from your partner's and allowing his/her mood to dictate your level of happiness or sadness.

(2)Sacrificing your plans, dreams and goals in order to please others.

3) Disempowerment. Allowing others to make decisions for you, you feel powerless and do not take responsibility for your own life.

Why does this usually happen?

(1)Fear of rejection. You may think ''she won't like me if I don't go along with what she wants''

(2)Guilt. You think ''I'm selfish if I don't help my friends all the time''

(3)Fear of confrontation.

Here is what you need to know.

1. Distinguish between being kind to people and having to do things for them
Kindness does not mean that you always do things for people.

2. Learn how to say 'No' gently but firmly. There is power in saying 'no' and setting your own priorities. A healthy sense of control comes from exercising your right to set your own priorities, say 'no' without feeling guilty. Gain respect first, so that your generosity, when you offer it, is truly appreciated. This protects you from harm and lets you choose healthy relationship and create you own happiness in life.

3. You are not responsible for other people's feelings.
Sometimes we feel obligated to do things for others because we don't want them to feel bad, even when it's unreasonable for us to go out of our way. When may be so concerned about how others might react if they don't get what they want that we submerge our own feelings to theirs. When this is done repeatedly, it facilitates a co-dependent relationship where other people's happiness becomes your responsibility and burden.
In these situations, it's important to remember that as long as we're being fair, reasonable and conscientious, we're not responsible for other people's feelings. If you deny their unreasonable requests and they don't like it, so be it. They'll get over it. In the meantime, you're teaching them how you'd like to be treated- with more consideration and respect.

5. For those who take you for granted, less is more.
The more something is avialable in abundance, the less value it has. In the presence of ungrateful people, the more you give them, the less they appreciate what you offer. When appropriate, you may do yourself a big service by cutting off or limiting your giving to this type of people by setting up standards for your generosity. Some people don't appreciate what they have until it's gone. Use this knowledge to your advantage.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with offering your generosity and kindness to those in need, or to the well deserving, or just because you have a big heart. At the same time, it’s healthy and wise to be a good person who also knows how to set appropriate boundaries. You deserve the same love, appreciation, and respect you give to others, which can only be had when you begin to love, appreciate, and respect yourself. It is in affirming these values that you begin to find your own identity , and discover your true voice.

Credits to Preston Ni and Terri Cole for some excerpts used in this post.

Share your experiences.

hmmm...

Party politics

Let the government be allowed to handle the situation.