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I always tell people the way you start any relationship determines how you'll go with it, from the beginning you showed her that you could give and provide for her needs just for reasons. Talk to her if you're not comfortable or complain about your own personal needs too

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Most times when in love or considering the years we've spent with someone we Make the grave mistake of ignoring red flags. Talk to her about how you feel, and what you expect from her.

Relationships should be a 50/50 split where both partners meet in the middle, taking and giving equally.

But, if you're exclusively concerned about yourself and have zero regards for your partner's needs it becomes negative and psychologically unhealthy.

Being the selfish one means you receive without giving in return, and think your partner needs you more than you need them. The purpose of this post is to help you turn the tide around and focus on your partner's emotions and needs if you're the self absorbed one in your 'ship.'


1) You're Unaware of your Partner's Needs

In order for balance to exist in any relationship, it is important you pay attention to your partner's needs, but in a situation where you consistently put your needs ahead of your partner's and expect them to constantly do things for you, there is bound to be a problem.

The point is, If you're unaware of your partner's needs, and would rather take than give and find nothing wrong with your one sided agreement, then there is a good amount of selfishness sprinkled all over you.


2) You're Emotionally Unavailable

I am aware that some people hold back emotions and give a tiny fraction in bid of protecting their hearts, as a result of past trauma from relationships.

Sometimes, this post traumatic stress disorder can cause a person to be genuinely fearful of letting their feelings show, even when its obvious their partner's feeling are pure and unharmful.

As long as you're in a relationship, it is important you're emotionally available. Remember expressing your emotions does not make you vulnerable or weak, but rather will make your partner feel safe with you emotionally.


3) You're Overly Critical of Your Partner

You belittle, look down and criticize your partner's interest, values, beliefs and acts unpleasant towards their families and friends.

Judging your partner's every move directly and indirectly, comparing them to others will make them lose confidence in themselve and result in low self esteem where they feel every other person is better than them.

4) You're a Manipulator

This generally refers to a person who seeks to control situations and circumstances.

As a selfish partner your manipulative skills come to play when you feel the best way of handling any situation is your way, and this includes meeting your needs.

As a manipulative person, you most times use your partner's fear against them, you blow up and even withdraw affection If your needs are not met thereby, pushing your partner to do things that solely benefits you even against their wish.

5) Everything Revolves Around You

Simply put, you're the bossy one, and act like the solar system revolves around you.
You seldom check up with your partner in matters that clearly requires a joint decision, and when such wrong decision backfires it's against your unspoken commandment to take responsibility for your actions.

You're self centered and only think about yourself, and always want to put you first, you're only happy when things are done your way.

And as most selfish people your satisfaction is priority while your partner's is neglected.


6) You Play the Victim Card

You crave your partner's attention in a way and constantly look for sympathy. You consciously and unconsciously drive your partner to the wall by blowing hot and cold, giving and retrieving. When your partner decides to take the back seat because of your mixed messages, you play on their emotions making them feel they've committed a crime against humanity.

If you're a self-absorbed energy sucker who is obsessed with receiving attention and not giving, then you're toxic to your partner.

Lovebliss2:
But there are some partners that don't like talking about problems. They just love to keep malice.

If your partner is a malice keeper the only way to get them talking, send a message or drop a long note about the problem at least they can read that

I'd like to add that my years of counselling has made me understand that people who talk tough about leaving a cheating partner most times are living with one that they are fully aware of cheats.

Nazgul:
Forgiveness is good. But never accept back a cheating partner after forgiving her, whatever reason(s) made her spread her legs will make her do it again and again. Once she cheats, just discard her and move on, she's not worth your time.

And what if you're married to the person same way my friend is? how many will you keep discarding and moving on to? Just asking anyway.

I feel often time people are willing to forgive their partners, but don't because at one point in time they've bragged to friends about not tolerating such, and the only way to save silly face is act like they're tough while dying slowly

Rozcol:
Why would she cry over a cheating man as if she's his wife or mother,if she can't put up then she should quit and avoid unnecessary drama.Some ladies and drama sha.The only sin I can't ever forgive in marriage is if my husband has kid/kids outside our Union, I will divorce him without ever looking back because there's a lot of interpretation to that,I have my children's life to protect jealously with all of my life and existence and no irresponsible man will make that difficult for me.

Read carefully she's married to him
BTW we differ in emotional strength, not everyone is an emotional warrior.

A few weeks ago, a close friend of mine called me.
"E I'd really love to see you," She said and hung up, there was an urgency in her voice that really worried me.
We fixed a lunch date at Fresh Dew (Jabi lake Mall). I felt I was going to need a crystal ball for our conversation because she wasn't a talker and I was more of the listener.

Luckily, whatever was bothering her made her loosen up. It was obvious she was struggling to hold back the water wells.
"Ade is cheating on me," She blurted out.
I looked on without blinking. To cut the long story short, she had her suspicion about her cheating husband for a while, but didnt let it soak, somehow she found out and he came clean.

What hurt most, was the fact that he was cheating on her with his ex. She was devastated and didnt know what to do, but love him regardless. She was ready to cut her losses and leave, but took into consideration my counsel and things are gradually picking up.

I know a lot of people are caught in this web, and find it hard to forgive, but dragging whatever hurt you feel affects you most. Below are somethings I had dished out to my friend hope it helps someone find their road to forgiving.


1) Forgiveness is you doing yourself favour

Forgiveness is you doing you a favour, by not dragging unnecessary baggage of hurt. Forgiveness is easy, but forgetting most often can be tasking.

As long as your partner is bold/honest enough to come clean, trust me such a person deserves a second chance. I know how painful it is to be aware of the fact that your partner is or has cheated, but we live in a world where people deem themselves infallible, never accepting their faults or blaming someone else for their shortcomings.

If you're lucky enough to have a partner who accepts his/her wrong, such a person doesn't deserve the noose.


2) Talk about the problem

A significant step to forgiveness is talking about the issue, sometimes it helps to know why your partner acted the way they did, what drove them into their action hearing from them helps you forgive faster.

You might even be surprised to learn that in a not so good way you contributed a cent unknowingly to their action or again that such action was borne from previous hurt that they've not been able to let go.

When you talk; do not bottle things up, let your partner know how much their action has hurt you, express your feelings and not oppress it.


3) Let it go

Once you've been able to understand the reason for their action, it becomes imperative you let go.

I know how tempting reminding your partner about their mean acts at every opportunity can be, but desist from such act, it will only drive your partner far away from you.

If you've forgiven do not make reference to his/her offence again-- remember it should be left in the past, focus on the future by making things better.






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annro101:
It's true. But I have been trying to forget my late dad, mehn it's hasn't been easy. This is over 11 years. Especially when I remember how I struggle to complete education yet the educational system keep fucking up in Nigeria. It's well sha. Because I no know wetin for make me still make me remain for Nigeria

Forgetting loss ones is never easy, but time will heal us gradually. And thank God you were able to complete your education against all odds, trust me your dad is proud of you

skywalker240:
I lost my elder brother April 23 2021
Still devastating
Nice write

My deepest condolences. You will heal too Thanks btw

detectivejones:
Very helpful tips

Thanks.

Nasww22nasww:
Hi

Hello

Goldbw122:
Just live the moment like is the last ... Because it is all a memory..

True..

halogate:
.. after the loss of 2 immediate family members, I have come to realize that death is INEVITABLE. Nobody lives forever. It's only a matter of time.
Even me and the next person to post after me will go one day

Exactly...we're all headed outta here some day

Jeremani:
I Lost my beloved uncle, who trained me in school when i lost my dad at the age of 8, it was as if i should take my life. But God is faithful. His death break down everything about me. I do think of him almost everyday, to the extent i dream about him almost everyday.
I talk to myself that i should have to let him go.

We don come this life na to die remain

Thank God for the strength to let go of grief.

In need of a professional relationship counsellor? WhatsApp 07032423546

I haven't written for close to two months now. During this period I've received tad above dozen emails asking virtually the same question 'how to manage career and relationship.' Actually, truth be told balancing this can be tough if your career is demanding (especially when building one) and if you're not careful you might lose on both ends. But not to worry I'll do my best to point out how we can go round this in order to become like one of those sucessful professionals we admire. This post is specially for those who emailed me and for anyone who need an extra knowledge. Below are some ways I've explained, I hope it helps.

Priotize

Sometimes life forces us to focus more on one thing than the other, therefore shifting our priority forgoing one goal in exchange for another and weakening one's hold to fulfill the other. It's not right for you to sacrifice one aspect of your life for another.

What to do- Do not let your relationship interfere with your career and vice versa. Make sure your partner knows how important they are, and when at work put in your best to your job.

Create time out

Having a successful career and a peaceful relationship is the best anyone can ask for. The best way to satisfy both areas of your life is to keep them apart.

What to do- Do not allow one intrude into the other. When you're at work, be fully committed to your job, task given, and meeting the needs of your clients or boss.
Do not allow the excitement or tension in your relationship be a distraction.
If your career is demanding plan ahead, create time during the weekends to spend with your partner; you can also opt for a mini vacation.

Support each other

It's a breath of fresh air when you have a partner/spouse who support and understands the heavy demands of your career. This can be achieved by communicating earnestly to your partner/spouse about your type of job.

If both of you are career oriented people and you're lucky to get off earlier try by helping out with little chores before they come home.

Communicate more

In most cases working over time at the office is unavoidable, but ruining your relationship because of your job can be avoided. The social network has made things easier and for this things to be avoided.
It will do you no harm taking five to ten minutes from the heap of task and sending a WhatsApp message, text message or even a direct message on Instagram, Facebook or twitter to let your partner know you're thinking of them.

Set boundaries

If you spend a workable time being productive finish up everything on your desk and chart so you'll have more quality time with your partner. Avoid taking home unfinished task. Likewise when you're with your partner be present body and soul; use that time to unwind.

What to do- Do not allow work steal your attention, do not give into the temptation of recieving work calls or talking about work. The point, be in the moment with them.

This is heart wrenching

Last year on my birthday I loss someone dear to me. My initial plan was to surprise my brothers and friends with a small party, although not a fan of birthday celebrations and all the excitement that comes with it, but I had wanted making 2020's an exception.

On that fateful day, I received a call at about 5:20am it was an odd time for the caller to call even though it was my birthday and the big bomb was dropped on me. I felt an excruciating pain to say the least from the news that one of my favorite persons on God's earth was gone. I couldn't do anything to numb the pain and sat still, disoriented and disorganized like someone who suffered brain fog. I have to admit it was one of the darkest moments of my life.

Luckily, I was able to survive that period. I have been strong because I know that is what he would have wanted. To all those hurting as a result of loss here are some ways to get by.

Grieve as much as you can

The issue with a lot of people dealing with loss is, the fact that they try to conceal their pain by acting strong, it's okay to be a big baby no one will judge you for that. The truth is, if you fake being a warrior when you ought to have let it out it will hit you strong later, release whatever emotion you feel.

Accept the reality

In most cases of loss, we tend to get scared of coming to terms with our new reality, thereby live in denial of what happened. Embrace your new reality.

Keep memories alive

What helped me during my time of grief was the memories I had of my dear beloveth. I remembered his kind heart; in his world there was no age or class difference everyone was equal and this was a big take for me.

Honour them

Do something to honour their memory. You can set up a foundation in honour of them especially if such a person died as a result of an ailment. This will help in creating awareness about such sickness or help those suffering from same.

You can also set up a business, write a book to honour them. Continue whatever good work they had been involved before their demise.

Hang around people

Lastly, do not islolate yourself. I know how tempting the idea of being left alone can be, because at that point there is that feeling that no one understand what you're going through, trust me its better to be around people. Keeping to yourself is like taking the long route to healing which might lead to depression.

OneCorner:
Shut up you ungrateful people SS is biafra, go and hit ur head for wall Ewu

Why do you a get aggressive when told the truth Calm down

This is psychological it could be as a result of her first experience. I really don't think it has anything to do with her trying to show you the marriage track. BTW you can help her if you love her that is by talking about it more openly with her.

This is beautiful

[quote author=Righteousness2 post=101096240][i]I watched some clips of this young man on youtube which showed that he had an Encounter with JESUS which made him to pull out of the worldly, evil and Sinful lifestyle.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=etHbRiX1MVM

If that Really was the case, then He was Privileged to make that shift before He departed!

If that really was the case, then the young man has made it to Heaven...



Oga deputy Jesus

DaddyRochie1642:
What she's doing is what little wayward girls should be doing, ... at 41years she's still drawing and flaunting tattoos, in 9years time she'll be 50years old and we'll see how those tattoos that she's Flaunting will look on her Skin.

You don't need to remind us of how old she'll be in 9years time, she is aware of that already. Besides she's a grown woman and know what's best for her. So 'Madam Casio Calculator' let the woman be

Poor fishermen.....So where are the supposed herdsmen that wrote him a threat letter...Always trying to cover his incompetence.

He looks like his advice

How were things before you got married? good I presume because in your words you've been taking care of your mother before marriage...and how are things now that you're married? there lies your answer on who is really fetish.

Same script playing all over na waoooo.

His whole body can fit into that shoe