₦airaland Forum

Onye oma: *I assume that the bank won't give you a letter indicating that you'll be on their payroll thruout ur studies...
*I also assume that you'll resign as soon as you get ur TRV...

Based on the above assumptions, applying as a sponsor will lead to "SPONSORSHIP NOT CREDIBLE" even if you have a good SOA balance...

My advice: Get a co-sponsor, preferably a family member or close friend you can confide in, who is working or into business (with all the necessary documents and a good SOA).
This will show them that you've got a back-up...

Also, I'll also advise as ChriGo said, go with the online route cos MAY (4 months away from september start date) is the same duration as SEPTEMBER (4 months away from january start date)...and both months witness the same heavy traffic of applications...

Wow!!! Na wa oh.
I don't hav any relations I can use brov.
U knw hw it is nw, went to sch, wrkd my ass off, got a dead end bank job, saved all my salary, nw I'm off hopefully, don't had a co-sponsor walahi.
No d bank wnt payroll me wen I'm away cos dey don't want mi to leave in d 1st place and d program is 14k plus 10k living exps, BT I have abt 40k savings.

Tanx ppl, yea I can show proof of my pay/earnings as well as employment info. Wat do I nid to shw home ties, as I ain't married or own property. And wat documents should I show oda dan my offer letter, receipt of payment, bank employment letter, wat else? Beef me up ppl, wanna hit dem wit all d ryt documents once and 4 all.

Hey hauz, jes got admitted to Seneca. Supply chain management. Letter jes came in Fri, person fit make Jan so? 2ndly, I'm self sponsored Havin bin a banker for 6yrs new and savin religiously, will d embassy have any issues wit mi bin self sponsored?

Hmmmmmm
Wow
OK oh
Cavet?

leo1234: Milage? Nigerian used?

No chad republic used, can't u see d chad plates?

Hahahaha. . .
Dude is a learner

fidma: banks in Nigeria just wake up and introduced additional 5% interest on loans that is UBA that I had a facility from at 26%,who just informed me that my interest rate is now 31%. I even heard that other banks are higher,reason given was government( CBN) policy. well what ever policy it may be, it is anti people, anti progress, anti development. the economic situation of Nigerians is already hard, undermine the very few that may be comfortable. Lets face the fact Nigerians are not just living below a dollar per day, Nigerians are dying of hunger because all this will further increase prices of all goods and services . I even learnt from grape vine that Nigerian banks goes to Ghana to borrow at 17% to come back to lend to Nigerians at 31% interest rate,so rediculous

The Ghana story is false, no Nigerian bank would take money @17% and survive. But I feel ur pain brov, CRR or no CRR Nigerian banks r merciless.

After all these years, days still d best option

If u are bright and hav what it takes, the tin to do is bring your cv 2 head office, ajose adeogun str, VI yourself, ask 4 d HR office, if you're nt allowed beyond d reception, its ok, jst state your purpose and drop your CV there.


Bone online registration!!!!!!!!!!!!

ops84: @equilibrum.pls can HND or OND apply and does NYSC cert count in the process.

Zenith only takes bsc

joey2002: so do u really have an idea wat dier pay is like?

Zenith bank entry level?

evvyking: @equilibrum quitea while wen u posted dis,dis ur strategy stil dey work so bros?

Yea, bin a while. Jes reminiscening on all the hopes and dreams DAT dint quite pan out in bankn is all

Hahaaha....
In d days way eye NVR open
All na wash jor

where are all these crooks from the old days. . . .

@190, Spoken lik a true igbo man, bt wel spoken truly! If she wnt giv, den she cant get.

Evrytin dat is free is fake! Lol,

Gunpoint aka gundust

@gunny
go smoke some gun powder or somtin.

@daniluv
u is a phd
Playa Hatin D*@khead. . .
*smiles sweetly*

@santanovva
its all gud, knock em out
nd tanx

Kx:
How did they confirm the shortage of virgins in the after life[/font][font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/color][color=#000099].

While their mates are enjoying cool life on earth.they are dieing to sleep with tight
3 yr old virgins in hell.

mumus raised to the power of infinity

wel, u'l hv to blow urslf up 4 us to knw 4 sure wnt u? 

@nich
lol. . . 
u sound scared, dem get oh, u want join?

@ibk
u sound lik u'd mak a gud recruit, nid a referral?

Suicide bombers are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda management have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% next January from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this by management is a kick in the teeth."

Mr. Amir accepted the limited availability of virgins but pointed out that the cutbacks were expected to be borne entirely by the workforce and not by management. "Last Christmas Abu Hamza alone was awarded an annual bonus of 250,000 virgins," complains Amir. "And you can be sure they'll all be pretty ones too. How can Al Qaeda afford that for members of the management but not 72 for the people who do the real work?"

Speaking from the shed in the West Midlands where he currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "We sympathize with our workers' concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day jihad, in a competitive marketplace.

Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up." He defended management bonuses by claiming these were necessary to attract good fanatical clerics. "How am I supposed to attract the best people if I can't compete with the private sector?" asked Mr. Bin-Laden.

Talks broke down this morning after management's last-ditch proposal of a virgin-sharing scheme was rejected outright after a failure to agree on orifice allocation quotas. One virgin, who refused to be named, was quoted as saying "I'll be buggered if I'm agreeing to anything like that, it's too much of a mouthful to swallow".

Unless some sort of agreement is reached over the weekend, suicide bombers will down explosives at midday on Monday. Most branches are supporting the strike. Only the North London branch, which has a different union, is likely to continue working. However, some members of that branch will only be using waist-down explosives in order to express solidarity with their striking brethren.

Spokespersons in the North East of England, Swindon, North Kent and the entire Australian continent stated that this would not affect their operations as "There are no virgins in their areas anyway".

NEW WORD



Mutallab<mu-ta-lab>;n : A rich kid who attempts to throw his life away for silly reasons.



> Synonyms - 'Idiot, Ode,' Usage Examples: 'Are you a Mutallab?' 'Stop this Mutallabness.' 'Get out of the road you Muta-Muta.'

> Local Dialect Use: 'Wo ma Mutallab ori e', 'Commot for, diaaaa! Mutallab oshi', 'Aga ma Mutallab isi gi kita kita'

> Accepted abbreviation: Mu-Mu.

@d1kelevra
gemmi ur numba, i tink u'l mak me a gud test subject

When you occasionally have a really bad day,
and you just need to take it out on someone,
don't take it out on someone you know,
take it out on someone you don't know,
but you know deserves it.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered
a phone call I'd forgotten to make.

I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying
'Hello.'

I politely said,
'This is Chris.
Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear
'Get the right fuqing number!'
and the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

When I tracked down Robyn 's correct number to call her,
I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her,
I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled
'You're an assh0le!'
and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it,
and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks,
when I was paying bills or had a really bad day,
I'd call him up and yell,
'You're an asshole!'

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced,
I thought my theraputic 'asshole'
calling would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said,
'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company.
I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID
Program?'

He yelled
'NO!'
and slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said,
'That's because you're an asshole!'
and hung up.

One day I was at the store,
getting ready to pull into a parking Spot.

Some guy in a black BMW
cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for.

I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot,
but the idiot ignored me.

I noticed a 'For Sale ' sign in his back window,
so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later,
right after calling the first asshole
(I had his number on speed dial,)
I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.

I said,
'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'

He said,
'Yes, it is.'

I then asked,
'Can you tell me where I can see it?'

He said,
'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax .
It's a yellow ranch style house and the car's parked right out in
front.'

I asked,
'What's your name?'

He said,
'My name is Don Hansen,'

I asked,
'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'

He said,
'I'm home every evening after five.'

I said,
'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'

He said,
'Yes?'

I said,
'Don, you're an asshole!'

Then I hung up,
and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem,
I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea,

I called asshole #1.

He said,
'Hello.'

I said,
'You're an asshole!'
(But I didn't hang up.)

He asked,
'Are you still there?'

I said,
'Yeah!'

He screamed,
'Stop calling me,'

I said,
'Make me,'

He asked,
'Who are you?'

I said,
'My name is Don Hansen.'

He said,
'Yeah? Where do you live?'

I said,
'Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax ,
a yellow ranch style home and
I have a black Beamer parked in front.'

He said,
'I'm coming over right now, Don.
And you had better start saying your prayers.'

I said,
'Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole,'
and hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2.

He said,
'Hello?'

I said,
'Hello, asshole,'

He yelled,
'If I ever find out who you are, '

I said,
'You'll what?'

He exclaimed,
'I'll kick your ass,'

I answered,
'Well, asshole, here's your chance.
I'm coming over right now.'

Then I hung up and immediately called the police,
saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax ,
and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 7 News
about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax .

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax .

I got there just in time to watch two assholes
beating the crap out of each other
in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter
and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really does work.

banom:
may be him dey nack the presido daughter.

lol. . . . .

u do hav a solid point der u knw?

u nvr chop now, i dnt expect u to c d funny side of tins. . .

proudly9ja:
but if Tuface didn't do the duet, don't you guys think R.Kelly would have taken him to court by now for using his name wrongly to sell his song/album?

lol. . .
nd get wat frm tu face?
twins?
lol. . .

opssss. . . .
nd u wonder y M.J did d skin tin?

A chicken farmer went to a local bar, Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne,

The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'

'What a coincidence' the farmer says, 'This is a special day for me, I am celebrating'

'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!' says the woman.

'What a coincidence!' says the farmer! As they clinked glasses the man asked, 'What are you celebrating?'

'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant!'

'What a coincidence,' says the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'

'That's great!' says the woman. 'How did your chickens become fertile?'

'I used a different cock,' he replied.


hmmmmmmmmmmm. . . . . .


The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence.'

it really is a simple straightforward way to c life

camelman and foxhunter, same person, hw hard is it to knw dat?