₦airaland Forum

mekula: In my opinion,
@1-4----Human capacity to love is infinite, hence we can love more than one person simultaeneously though in varying degrees. It is all about the mix. A combination of innate qualities and characteristics that we desire in the other person usually serves as the trigger. The more desirable qualities a prospect has, the higher up the desirability quotient ladder he/she moves hence the more the prospect is 'loved' above others.

@5-6---I'd like to think of a soulmate as one with the most number of desirable qualities that we can find yet before making that commitment.I think the soulmate factor comes to play when we meet that someone who meets or surpasses most of our expectations of our desirable qualities. However that can change if someone with more desirable traits shows up but it is very rare. Unfortunately, many don't get to meet their soulmates and only settle for those they can accommodate the most and vice versa.

Ooops! Gotta run, be back later.

U sure have a hang of it

[quote author=Unluvable*]@ OP

I think some people fall in love 'desired' qualities and not with the individual. That's the reason a they can fall in love with several persons that possess those qualities.

E.g. If Obi loves ada because she is pretty, smart, artistic and funny
Obi later loved nkem because she is pretty, smart, artistic and funny.

What this means is that obi is in love with pretty, smart, artistic and funny not necessarily ada or nkem. And the level of love Obi feels is directly proportional to his desired qualities.

Love aint blind indeed!![/quote]Chei!!

I never knew we had so much analysts o

sayso: Topic looking like a wake up call to guys/ladies.

You are extremely correct

My wilderness years of breaking down LOVE lead me to these important questions

1) Why is it that when a partner dies, the living partner can later love again?
2) Why is it that someone can 'love' someone; if rejected he/she goes on to love another person later on?
3) Intelligence agencies have this way of sometimes waiting for years then appealing for people that have past information to come forward. They believe that at some point in future, bonds might have weakened

4) Why do some people fall inlove with more than one person?
5) Do we really have 'A' sould mate?
6) what happens if that soul mate is in Japan? (ref taken from TD Jakes)
7) What happens if the person whom we 'love' is married?
8 ) What happens if we love someone, the person gets missing for 6 years; we then love the 2nd person; then the 1st love appears (a rough example is Winnie and Nelson Mandela)
9) Is love only applicable when both parties love themselves? what if I love u, and u dont love me back. What happened? Did cupid missing and strike only one instead of both parties?


Look through these questions, critique, answer and draw some conclusions

@Matthew briggs, ishilove et al

I appreciate your critique
which insists that love in itself is ethereal and immeasurable.

This might be the case
but we'll try our best to peel as much measurable layers off love
much like understanding sperms, eggs, zygots, fusion, fission, all in trying to understand LIFE itself

FXKing2012: I'm glad I made it to 400 level but I have a question for our lecturer, Prof. esere826. I have seen several cases where the lady is on a higher social stratum yet goes for a guy of a lower stratum despite several offers from guys of her stratum or even higher stratum.

My point is I think love cannot be reduced to mere formula because many a time it defies logic. What do you think sir?

It would be great if u share one or two of the stories. It would also be nice if we have some contextual background information like:

Age of couple; economic standing of couple in the preceeding 10 years period; height of couples; look of couples; religious inclination of couples etc

This should help us in better understanding what went 'right' with them

brokoto: your last pargraph is well put. One question though? What happens when you 'hammer'? Its gonna be either sideways or down then. Whatchu gonna do then?

Edit.

If Finance is ur own singular indices for mating power matrix

When u hammer badly, the girls UP become those by the SIDEWAYs
Those by the SIDEWAYS become those below

U cld then aim for the 'stars' (literarily) as your new UP
Beyonce comes to mind

I will live Ajanlekoko to
intimate readers on the corper strategy

phaya: @Op your post is so intelligent that MOST people are afraid to comment! Keep it up!!! Thank your stars you are already taken or else.... :-/

thanks dear
thank ur stars ur an e-personality or else ...........

[quote author=blaise26.abj]@ Op; while i admire the simplicity of your analysis, i believe the dynamics of mate selection is much more complex and should not be limited to finances.[/quote]I dont think I insinuated that
What I have continuosly pointed out is a 'power scale' that trigers 'reciprocal love'
Finance is only one member of this power scale

I once did a soul search (reflection) on love
by asking myself what are the characteristics of girls that I had so far "fallen crazy in love' with
I was amazed to find out that there was a pattern to this 'madness'

The next challenge was getting my 'type of girls' to 'love' me back

So Dxy guys, if u really dig Dxx girls
and u feel that they are snubbing you because of your social status

What the hell
plan and take the plunge
You can only learn when you fall

Ajanlekoko made a fine point that reads just like me


I understand the dynamics of dating, but prefer stretching Upwards and Sideways
This would invariably mean that some chicks like their male counterparts would label me a gold digger
I dont player hate chicks when they diss me

I instead learn my lessons, improve my power value, dust my khaki and get ready for the next moutain climbing

AjanleKoko: Interesting premises sha.

The kind of chicks I dated in uni were what I considered to be easier marks for me. Not much drama, averagely okay, and met my criteria for form above substance. A few 'hidden gems', i.e. chicks that were fine and from an above average background, but didn't roll with the 'it' crowd. Those ones did not give me much hassle, as I had an above average rep, not doing badly in school, and I didn't have to be a club boy or anything to roll with them. More importantly, I no get money to burn, or other efizis

When I started life after school, the entire picture changed. I decided to 'step up' to the chicks that prolly would not have fit into my dating criteria in school, or would have not gone out with me out of social pressure. That presented a different type of challenge, but a richer and more rewarding dating pool.

In fact, I even spent time and resources chasing a daughter of one of the richest and most recognized names in SW Nigeria. Of course it didn't fly eventually, but I got so close that I ended up getting closely connected to that family nonetheless. And what eventually clicked into marriage for me was Grade A stuff

you apparently know how we roll

(Post # 8 )

Case Study Conclusions and Lessons Learned

1) When a girl is in her younger years in Uni, it might make sense to date corper level guys

-At this stage, she is still receiving support from dad and mum. Corper can share some of his allowee. By the time she is getting out of school, there is a greater probability that the guy is financially and mentally ready for marriage.

-Ladies, you will still be insulted by guys in uni for dating upwards. But no worry na so life be

2) Girls and guys, ensure you bring something to the power matrix table that will make you attractive thereby leading to that love spark. You cannot eat from what you have not sown

-How can a wowo, dull girl from a poor home realistically think that she can marry a handsome intelligent guy from a rich home and vice versa.

-Such things are only possible with God. And like someone once said, miracles are an exception, not the rule.

So approach your mating desires with pragmatism and a lot of calculation; and stop falling love sick

In Came Ify


Ify is 10 years younger than Paul -she was looking UP, UP to him in the Age range category of her power scale
Although he was out of work, she was a University Student still under the care of her comfortable parents
She was not under pressure to marry while stiil in uni -Putting Paul SIDEWAYS in finance
Pauls' big familly name must have also tickled her, pushing him UP in her power scale

Paul get sweet mouth and is extremely intelligent (afterall na him build the Rock Cathedral) -Pushing him UP in her intellectual power scale
Paul is widely travelled -UP in her adventurism power scale


For Paul, Ify's beauty would have put her in his UP power scale
Her pedigree (dad is a prof, mum German) would put her in his SIDEWAY power scale
Paul's mum and Ify's mum are both none nigerians -Gives them something to talk about and share)
Many other conditions would have been in the SIDEWAY to DOWN power scale from Paul's perspective
plus offcourse she could manage him. Afterall she was not in a hurry to go anywhere at that point in her life

With such perfect conditions
GBAM ....LOVE was in the air

Analysing Paul's relationship


I suspect that Paul's first toastee was his equal in terms of class, age bracket and positioning
I also suspect that she was at that point in his life better financially positioned than him

The tendency would then be for her to look UP for love, and manage SIDEWAYS relationships
Paul must have at that time fluctuated between SIDEWAYS and DOWN on her power scale
thereby making him unattractive to her
especially if she was ready for marriage; and/or had other 'potential' suitors; and/or had family pressures etc
On Pauls own power scale, the first toastee must have fluctuated in his SIDEWAYS and UP range
(the man too like better thing)

^^^^^
ROTFL

.......Pastor paul continued

In his dejected state, and out of work etc, he ran into Ify who was still in university
and began a courtship with her that led to marriage.

He talks about how many times, there would be no food at home, and they would use kerosene stove to cook etc
He was very appreciative of his beautiful wife for sticking by him and asked his congregation to believe in dreams

His congregation bursted out in Hallelujah's
I could see the nod of 'shei I tell u' from the guys
while u cld see the gals trying hard to swallow this great call to faith


Me, I sat back relaxed and unemotional, and started dissecting and making sense of the story I just heard


.... I'll use my model in the case study analysis next

(Post #7)

Pastor Paul's case study for leveling the female innate power differential desire:

A friend invited me to the Rock cathedral for Paul's wife's (Ify) 40th birthday clebration
I sat in, enjoying the rich taste of architecture and AC cooling my thought processor
Pastor Paul reeled out praises on his wife and told the story of how he courted his conspicous looking wife
(Hope I got the story correctly)

Paul is from a prominent home
His dad was a Chief judge or something like that
Paul had his challenges and was kicked back to Nigeria from the UK.

A girl he was toasting dumped him
With Pauls eye's for good stuff, I wont be surprised if the chick was also the beautiful daughter of a big shot

[quote author=Unluvable*]Because he's among the dxy populace offended by a dxx specie for not wanting to deal with an xy whose wallet is empty
Hope I got the damn analysis [/quote]U sure are smart

To avoid angry and unproductive outbursts
let us quickly move to finding solutions to the malady afflicting our societal marital/mating structure
and clear the backlog of unattached females in our society

The preceeding narratives should be useful to both guys and gals

I'll be using Pastor Paul Adefarasin as a case study and weighing his relationship against my model developed in Post #3

IamAthens: You are a foooooooooolllll. Its eida u do ashawo or wait 4 dangote et al pikin 2 kip u as a mistres. No go wrk 4 ur moni dey dia dy wait 4 man.

Guy

U need to curse intelligently on this thread using statistics and analysis
otherwise u wld be considered as part of the undesirable and despicable male demographics

So for example, U can rephrase ur insult to read something like this:

U are apparently a member of the Dxx demography that the Op is writing about
U have apparently also been dissed by the Sons of the rich like Dangote
Frolicking with the Dyy class will only further constrain your oppurtunities and define u as a Pro***
etc

......Be WARNED

Ishilove: He's my toaster

you forgot to add

.....And cofee maker

^^^

Nna
me and you apparently have this in common:
We no dey use woman matter play

Chei!! see scientific analysis

mekula: Oh! My bad! E don tey o! Na so I don forget reach? (picks up 'modern biology')

O sorry sa
I should have known that you are one of the > = Dyy demographic specie
My apologies again sa

masterpiecer: The reason why naija guys keep saying naija girls are money lovers is cos the ratio of gold diggers and real love is like 10:1, that is not to say al naija girls loves money made relationship but in every 10 relationship in naija, 9 are base on the financial status of the guy.

How many naija girls will want to seat under a starry nite with you and count stars? She will ask u if she b father Abraham . Very pathetic
...........

Excercise:
1) Why did Kate Middleton marry Prince Williams?
(A) Love, (B) Money, (C) Power (D) Status (E) All of the above

2) Do yo think Prince Williams bothers thinking if Kate married him for any other reason apart from love?
(A) He agonises about it (B) He doesnt, (C) He does, but does not care

3) Do rich blokes complain bitterly that girls are gold diggers?
(A) Yes they do (B) No they dont (C) They hardly think about it

4) Do rich blokes have issues having girls stare into the stary night with them?
(A) yes they do (B) No they dont (C) The girls do the complaining that these guys have no time to stare romantically with them at stars in the night

5) When you complain that girls are gold diggers, what male demography are you likely to be in?
(A) Dxy (B) Dyy (C) (less than)< Dxy


Collate Scores.........................
Comments...............................

mekula: Nice analysis
@bolded, have u forgotten your biology? xx na male, xy na female.

Na lie
XX na female
while XY na male

nas why men are scientifically held responsible for producing male (xy) or female (xx) children

esere826: for example, how would a guy that is 'less in status' 'nail' is chosen chick?

blancason: Biko please tell us

Assumption: For long term mating, you want to start nailing a particular 'class' of girls outside ur present laegue

Steps include, but not limited to:
Like everything else in life, it first requires planning and an acceptance of some false start
Examine the kind of men they seem to like
What is the gap between the guys and u?
What can be changed, that you want to be changed to breach that gap
for example type of education, type of company those guys hangout with etc

Identify your target
place her on the the scale i have prepared
What do u have that is greater than what she has, and she aspires for
accentuate such value
*isolate her if need be. This reduces natural tendency to compare you with others
Get into her mind and then redefine and shape her values to fit into urs

She's all yours when you are through with this


*isolation should not be taken literarily in this text

devour129: why do you people always feel Nigerian girls are different all everything is centered around money for us ? Please we love like any other woman around the world,we compromise,we step down so our partners can step up etc. I think you should change your crowd and your mentality and believe you will find your gem cos there are a lot of them under your nose but guys prefer in your face 40inches hair wearing and make up like juju girls.

Nigerian girls like all other girls around the world fall in love
The idea behind my writeup, is that love is largely quantifiable and can therefore be valued
Within the brutish nature of the Nigerian society, it is only natural that love shares the same denomination as money

Ishilove: Yes o, that's why I was tempted to gree when he toasted me. Alas, he is broke so... No deal!

This actually takes me to strategies to move a ladies 'value strata' from money to some other thing that I can better control

mirob: Forget movies, in real life before a girl of that status stoop to date or marry that kind of guy check it she didn't get †ђξ required attention from guys of the same class or guys that are in higher class than her.

You're so on point.
I don see this thing tire

AjanleKoko: The analysis is a bit challenging from the female angle- considering that guys have varying financial ability, and women also have varying degrees of attractiveness.
There is also the issue of overall suitability - as my financial standing improved, the less likely I was to accept just attractiveness as a criteria for a suitable mate. I also wanted similar social and intellectual status, as well as background/character.

I think in the general sense, water always seeks its own level. As much as the perception exists that women date upward (it is certainly their preference), it is only a small percentage of women that get that privilege. Most usually settle for what they can get, or get none at all. Even while most women are commenting like Ishilove 'Who wants to date a brokeass?', in reality most of them have no date at all, and eventually settle for any available fellow.

Though I agree with the male part - guys are always willing to compromise

Your suggestion actually waltz me towards the subject I initially intended to pursue. i.e the dwindling pool of male lovers:

My observation/hypothesis shows that the 24 to 29 age demography of women (lets call this Dxx)
have a short supply of 'right' men in that same 24 to 29 age demography (Lets call this Dxy)

In Nigeria, The 'right' men can be found more in the 32 to 42 years demography (Dyy)
Unfortunately, Dyy men that are single are few

Consequences:
1) As the Dxx ladies gradually approach the nothern age boundaries of their demography they unconciously or conciously start 'lowering' their standards for mates
2) With Dyy type males in 'short' supply, and a strong need to satisfy the aspirational instincts to mate with Dyy type men, Dxx ladies tend to throw themselves at the few single Dyy men. In the absense of this, they 'tend' to cheat with Dyy men that are married