The moment you agree to date a married man, you agree to be a second class woman, and every second class person is classified as a person of lower values. Now look at it this way.. If he is with you & his wife calls, he lies that he is still at the office or on an official assignment.You dare not interrupt his conversation or query him. But you can't call him when he is at home with family..

My sisters, you be toy? He sneaks you from his car into his hotel room but gives his wife his entire home..

My beloved sisters grow up, please! He visits you at home & you introduce him to friends & neighbours as your boyfriend thereby blocking your chances of getting a genuine suitor, yet you don't even know the name of the street where he lives..

My sisters, how long will you continue to sacrifice your future? He takes you out & buys you assorted types of alcoholic drinks, yet he will never allow his wife taste even a drop of alcoholic drink. Common sense should tell you he is only doing that to get you drunk so he can truly destroy you in bed..

My dear sisters, na your body good pass for experiment? He gets you pregnant & gives you money for abortion, but when his wife gets pregnant he celebrates & gives her money for antenatal & baby things..

My sisters remember he is already raising his family. Oh just in case you don't know, he describes your emotions when he is with his friends but will never mention whatever happens between him & his wife. This makes all his friends see a lesser human in you..

My sisters, na your matter them take they drink beer ooo. He gives you a few cash & you're happy not knowing that whatever money he gives you is what he calls "Body no be firewood allowances" You have his picture on your phone & saved his number as "My Sweetheart" or whatever, yet your picture cannot be found on his phone & your number is saved on his phone as generator mechanic or refuse dispose...

My lovely sisters, you be learner? PLEASE let's give ourselves a proper re-evaluation today. Please help me to pass this message round to educate our ladies by tagging each & everyone on your page. Just a piece of advice. Thanks and be wise.



Written by: Pablo D Nation

Source: http://esther.ng/advice-to-ladies-see-what-happens-next-the-moment-you-agree-to-date-a-married-man/

This is a true life story of an EB reader who sent this in to create awareness and also to share her journey through a life-threatening disease called LUPUS. 

Read previous posts HERE:

Part 1: MyLupusStory – Help Solve Lupus Mystery! - http://esther.ng/eb-exclusive-my-lupus-story-help-solve-lupus-mystery/

Part 2: My Lupus Story – Symptoms! - http://esther.ng/eb-exclusive-lupus-story-symptoms/

"I woke up to a swollen hand and a rash, more like blisters on both sides of my mouth. I was taken to the hospital and the doctor said I may be reacting to something, or I might be coming down with osteoarthritis because of the pains in my joints and swollen hand. Arthritis! At my age? I wasn't even 30 yet! I didn't understand, couldn't comprehend! I was given an injection that eased the pain and swelling instantly, was then sent for an x-ray. The rash or lesion on both sides of my mouth wouldn't go.

So I talked to my very nice sister-in-law, she is such a wonderful, beautiful woman, God bless her for me***. Sister-in-law or mummy, as she is fondly called, took me to yet another hospital, the third hospital by the way.
Series of tests was carried out, the doctor said I had Anaemia, so I should eat plenty of fruits, veggies, and all would be well. I told myself, no wahala, lol. Eating isn't a problem, I am a foodie! *smilees* The Doctor also said what I have is an allergic reaction, he then placed me on medication plus injections which I religiously took for five days.

Sister in-law advised I go with her to Kaduna state for the weekend, change environment a bit and so we can figure out what I might be reacting to and also see her doctor over there.

We arrived Kaduna, went to the doctor's (4th hospital) and I was told it wasn't an allergic reaction, that what I have is a case of German measles caused by rubella virus. The doctor also said I had passed through the worst stage of German measles, once the cycle is completed, I would be fine in no time. You can't imagine how happy and relieved I was, I was given more drugs and that was it! Little did I know I had seen nothing yet, I never knew that would be the beginning of a life changing era..., a new phase of life I would give anything to erase completely from my existence, a phase i didn't see coming...a phase I wished was a lie...

I took the drugs that night, applied Calamine lotion on my entire body, prayed and slept off. It wasn't a very peaceful sleep as I was highly uncomfortable because I was itching badly. Next morning was a big unpleasant surprise, my face and body was covered with more lesions. It was more on my tommy, with different irritating shapes and sizes, my heart broke, I was confused, what could this be? Well, mummy said I shouldn't worry, that the drug is meant to bring it all out before it finally goes. Okk, I pray so, I hope so...

The lesions would appear and then disappear, without scars and then more would appear.

We returned to Abuja on Sunday, went to get more drugs and I started feeling better and stronger after a few days. The lesions all disappeared suddenly, just like the way they came, and I was good to go back to Lokoja. I had missed my boo, plus I was also looking forward to my brother-in-law and my friend's wedding coming up.

Back in Lokoja with my husband, I felt good and strong for a while but then, the pains in my joints and wrist came back and kept me awake all through one night. I asked hubby to get me pain relief, he insisted we wait and go to his office clinic later, I waited but couldn't bear the pain anymore, so I went to a nearby pharmacy, got Ibuprofen, swallowed the meds, and in no time I felt a lot better."

To be continued...

From a survivor...

Read previous post HERE: My Lupus Story – Help Solve Lupus Mystery! - http://esther.ng/eb-exclusive-my-lupus-story-help-solve-lupus-mystery/

Hello buddies, been a while, yes, I am talking to you all reading EB. Lol. Okay, let us get down to business. I had earlier talked about SLE (Systemic Lupus Erythematosis) on this blog, I tried my best to explain what lupus disease is all about, and I also promised telling my own lupus personal story here which is over 8 months ago.

It has taken me this long because being diagnosed with lupus disease and the daily struggles/challenges associated with living with lupus has been the most difficult part of my many years on earth, accepting the diagnosis was really difficult and up to this very day, I still hope, pray and wish it was all a very bitter joke and nightmare, I still hope and pray to wake up from.

While waiting for that bitter phase to completely fade away, I am here trying to begin a personal, yet public campaign about lupus disease, creating awareness and building a community of lupus sufferers, as well as soliciting funds for treating and coping with the disease. Like I said, I will be telling my personal experience on this blog, bear in mind too, that in lupus disease, symptoms are rarely the same, what I suffer could be completely different from what another might experience. We are always open to giving ears to each and everyone's experience on this platform.. (Lupus Aid Foundation of Nigeria).

*HOW IT ALL BEGAN*...

It was in the month of April, in the year 2015, I had gotten married seven months earlier, hoping to live a very happy and fulfilled life. I had high hopes, big dreams, wonderful family and friends, and above all, I had God.

April 2015...
I travelled to Abuja (F.C.T.) Nigeria to spend the election break with my Big sis and her family because hubby had to travel for official reasons. I woke up that faithful, or should I say unfaithful morning and there was this pain I felt in my left wrist, it wasn't a very serious pain though, but I couldn't really stretch my fingers. Bilkisu (my cousin), helped massage my wrist, she said I had probably slept on that hand and that lead to poor blood circulation.

Before evening same day, the pains ceased, and my wrist and fingers were normal again but then, it happened the next day and the day after... I had gone to church for midweek service on a Wednesday with that pain in my wrist and fingers but by the time I got back home, I was totally fine. I ate and was in the living room chatting and I suddenly became nauseous, I got up, went to the bathroom, threw up a bit and it was accompanied with blood. I felt something like a lump in my throat that bursted, I was terrified, I didn't understand what was going on, and so I was taken to the hospital.

SMH! At the hospital, the young doctor on duty that night (wish I slapped him that night) said there was nothing wrong with me, that I probably wanted to come, spend the night at the hospital! Imagine what a health practitioner said to someone in that state. Shebi I didn't like the comfort of my home or was it that I had nothing to do with money and decided to go waste it at the health center? It's not his fault. Each time I think about what that doctor said to me in my vulnerable moment, I get angry all over and feel like going back to that hospital to at least give him a piece of my mind. Anyways, I was sent back home and thank God I got better.

I travelled back to Lokoja, Kogi state capital where I reside with hubby after the elections. There was no trace of pain anymore, we even joked about it, saying I was not welcome in Abuja and there was something in the room where I slept, lol. Big Lie!

A few weeks later, I was called back to Abuja for a job interview. This time, I started feeling a bit feverish, I had this really painful and persistent headache. I was sent for malaria and typhoid tests and both came out negative. I was then told my blood pressure was quite high, and was placed on blood pressure medication but the headache didn't reduce and my temperature kept on rising and rising. Bad News! The pains in my wrist and fingers resurfaced! This time, it was really painful and my left hand was swollen.

To be continued...

If you want to share your story, and join the awareness to help others... kindly scroll down to the comment section and drop your comments. We sure do want to hear from you or send an email to contact@esther.ng...

Source: www.esther.ng

Nigeria LNG Limited (NLNG) invites applications from first year undergraduate in Nigerian Universities for the NLNG Undergraduate Scholarship Award. The scheme seeks to promote academic excellence through the support of top-grade students through tertiary institution.

Applications are invited for: Nigeria LNG Limited Under-Graduate Scholarship Award 2017

http://esther.ng/apply-now-2017-nigeria-lng-limited-under-graduate-scholarship-scheme/

Criteria For Award

Have excellence/very good West Africa School Certificate (WASC) or National Examination Council results at ONE sitting
Be top-scorer at the Joint Admissions & Matriculation Board (JAMB) examination
Be a Full-Time Year-One student of any of the Nigerian Universities
Not be on any other Scholarship Award
Not be a spouse, child, ward or direct relation of staff of Nigeria LNG Limited
How to Apply
Interested and qualified candidates should visit: www.nigerialng.com to apply. Click on the “Our CSR” menu to select “Educaition” from the drop down menu, then click on Scholarship link on the page to access the application portal.
Or
Click here to apply

Application Deadline: 30th April, 2017.

All applications MUST include the following scanned copies as attachments:

Passport sized photographs
WASC or NECO result
JAMB result
University admission letter
University student ID card
LGA Letter of identification
Note

Applicants must fill in valid contact details as these will be used to communicate status of application
Application will be disqualified:
For incomplete attachments
Non-adherence to criteria for award

Source: http://esther.ng/apply-now-2017-nigeria-lng-limited-under-graduate-scholarship-scheme/
www.esther.ng

Nigeria LNG Limited (NLNG) invites applications from qualified candidates for the NLNG Postgraduate Scholarship Scheme for entry into Masters Programmes in the United Kingdom in September 2017.

The Scheme seeks to grow a pool of high potential graduates and professional with competitive advantage. Applications are invited for: Nigeria LNG Limited Post-Graduate Scholarship Scheme 2017

http://esther.ng/apply-now-2017-nigeria-lng-limited-post-graduate-scholarship-scheme/

Application Deadline: 12 May, 2017.

Criteria For Award
Prospective beneficiaries must:

Have a provisional admission from select UK institutions to study any of the following disciplines:
Engineering,
Geosciences,
Environmental Sciences,
Management Sciences,
Information Technology,
Law
Medicine
Possess a minimum of 2nd Class Upper degree in a relevant field of study
Have completed the NYSC programme
Not less than a 8.0 IELTS
Possess an international passport valid for travel at least one year from September 2017
Be able to ontain UK Tier-4 student Visa upon being successful
Provide evidence that they are available to travel in September 2017 if selected
Not a direct relative to staff of Nigeria LNG Limited
Not be no more than 30 years of age
Be Nigerian nationals resident in Nigeria
Provide identification documents from their LGAs
How to Apply
Interested and qualified candidates should visit: www.nigerialng.com to apply. Click on the “Our CSR” menu to select “Educaition” from the drop down menu, then click on Scholarship link on the page to access the application portal.
Or
Click here to apply

All applications MUST include the following scanned copies as attachments:

International Passport bio-data page first degree certificate
Provisional admission letter from select UK institutions.
IELTS result
LGA Letter of identification


Source: http://esther.ng/apply-now-2017-nigeria-lng-limited-post-graduate-scholarship-scheme/
www.esther.ng

Guys, get your note pads...


www.esther.ng

Kindly share your experiences...

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Financial advisers always say that the path to a brighter future and an early retirement is either through gaining the ability to earn more or saving more from what one already earns. Albeit we complain about how difficult it is to earn more or save more, the current economic recession and the uncertainties it bring should prompt every sane individual and every normal family to start thinking of ways to earn and/or save more.



One of the most fundamental principles of earning more money is to ‘use what you have to get what you need’. Are you thinking what I think you are thinking? Sorry to disappoint you but this article is only about how to use your ‘backyard’ to earn more money and to save more. lol

Plant Vegetables:
If you happen to own or rent a house where the compound is not cemented, you are practically living in wealth. Yes, planting commonly used vegetables like Ugwu, bitter leaf, waterleaf, scent leaf and even pepper is a sure way to save.



If you will take a Saturday out to prepare your land and plant the seeds you can start counting weeks before you stopped buying veggies from the market and start saving the money used for that. What is more, you can even sell your fresh organic vegetables to your neighbors thus saving and earning more from your backyard.



Raising small animals:
Do you stay in a house with a cemented compound as such you cannot plant vegetables? Worry not! Another wonderful way to earn from your backyard is to raise small animals. Animals like Rabbits, Snails, fish and even poultry can be raised in a space that is just 5ft by 5ft.



One discouraging fact about raising animal is that they will need more care and more money than plants. With proper planning however, you can always be in stock and reduce the cost of care.



Make a storage Unit:
If you are scared of the idea of being responsible for some living thing, you can put your carpentry skill to work and build a shed in your backyard. This shed can be used as a food storage unit for families in your neighborhood as keeping grains in the house is an invitation to cohabit with all kinds of pests. Your shed can solve that problem by acting as a storage unit for farmers and families. All you have to do is to employ a lovely cat!



Mini Theatre:
How about turning your backyard to a mini-sports viewing center or a theatre where the boys in your hood can come and unwind to some beer and sports actions? By doing this, you save the money you spend to go to theaters and sports centers and creating one to your very own specification. Imagine taking a chick to the movies in your own personal theatre. You guys could go all the way!



P.S: Take extra precaution if you have children in your compound because we don’t want to set bad examples, do we?



Start a Small Business:
Starting a small business in your backyard from ice block selling business to the manufacturing of romantic candles or the production of chalk or a small lesson center is one super way to utilize your backyard to earn more.

Got other ideas on how we could use our backyard in fun and creative ways to save money or to earn more? Drop your thoughts in the comments section below let us interact!


Source: www.esther.ng

Ths is a true life story of an EB reader who sent this in to create awareness and share her journey through a life-threatening disease called LUPUS.

Read below…

HELP SOLVE LUPUS MYSTERY! – Lupus Aid Foundation Of Nigeria


Hello readers, my name is Patience, I am just a regular girl saved by God’s amazing grace. I am using this platform/blog to share my personal experience and knowledge about this terrible, mysterious disease called Systemic Lupus Ertyhematosis (S.L.E), commonly called Lupus.

I will be sharing my day to day experience here but before I do that! I will try my best to explain what lupus disease is, why I decided to make my voice heard, and why I also decided to birth the Lupus Aid Foundation of Nigeria. So that peopple won’t suffer in ignorance like I did.


Systemic Lupus Erythematosis (S.L.E or Lupus) is an autoimmune condition that affects mostly women of child bearing age. It occurs when the human body produces auto antibodies that attacks the body’s own tissues or organs like the skin, kidneys, heart, e.t.c.

Lupus is complicated and unpredictable, with no known cause or cure but could be perfectly managed with the help of drugs like steriods, or anti inflamatory drugs like hydroxylchloroquine. These drugs help keep symptoms at the lowest minimum. Common symptoms of Lupus include fever, lalar rash, skin rash, mouth ulcers, fatigue and so much more. Symptoms of Lupus often mimic several other diseases which makes Lupus very difficult to diagnose. The disease, when caught and treated early is usually not life threatening. It is unclear why Lupus affects mostly women than men, but some experts theorize that it may be due to the fact that the women tend to have a stronger immune system.

And yet for a long time, Lupus appeared to have a negligible prevalence on the African continent, now health experts are discovering that Africa seeming immunity to Lupus was only due to a mix of lack of awareness, inadequate medical resources and culturally ingrained fear of disease. Which is why I have decided to share my experiences, and try to bring together a community of Lupus sufferers to help create awareness. And together we would help, advise and encourage one another and let the world know, let African women know, especially Nigerian women, that HIV isn’t the only deadly disease in existence, cancer isn’t the only deadly disease in existence, there is also LUPUS!

Until I was diagnosed, I didn’t know such a terrible disease existed. That said, i will be sharing with you my pains, struggles, fight and challenges with Lupus! And my eventual big victory attained through the very special grace of God Almighty who has proven to be too faithful to fail!

To be continued…

If you want to share your story, join the awareness to help others or drop your comment… kindly scroll down to the comment section. We sure do want to hear from you or send an email to contact@esther.ng…


Source: www.esther.ng

If you are wondering if you are in an abusive relationship then chances are that you are in one. Nevertheless, an abusive relationship is not just defined by a single act irrespective of what popular media preaches. There are several theories around the emergence of abuse in relationships and how certain behavior predisposes one to abuse. But theories upon theories never did us any good…


So here are signs that are characteristic to abusive relationships and relationships that could turn violent. But first

TYPES OF ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS
1. Verbal Abuse begins as funny gags and then proceeds further into serious nature. You should know when your partner is serious or is just joking. If your can’t, then answer these questions:

Does (s)he

degrade you in front of friends and family,
Telling hurtful “jokes” despite your requests to stop,
Calls you names, yell, insults, criticize and accuse you?

2. Emotional Abuse is a very complex one and is often not easy to notice as it is mostly written off as one of those times.

Does your partner

Make you account for every moment of your time?
get angry and jealous if you talk to someone else? Are you accused of having affairs?
not value your thoughts or feelings?
Make you feel insecure around him
Sometimes, culture makes us unaware that some of these things are wrong and manipulative. It is ok to tell your partner when you are leaving the house but when you have to start explaining ‘why you were not in the shop by 2pm’ or ‘why your phone was busy when he tried calling by 6pm’, then there is a problem.

3. Psychological Abuse is closely related to emotional abuse but differs in that in psychological abuses.

Your partner will

Attack your vulnerabilities, educational level, skills as a parent, or physical appearance or sexual prowess
Withholding approval or affection as punishment.
Regularly threatening to leave or telling you to leave.
Being unfaithful after committing to monogamy.

4. Sexual Abuse is the second most rampant type of abuse after verbal abuse. It is everywhere. Sometimes we do it in the name of experimentation and love. Signs of this type of abuse include:

Forced sex
Insisting on sexual practices that hurts you
Refusing to use safe sex practices
Videotaping or photographing sexual acts AND posting it without your permission. (Please note that videotaping maybe spicing up your sex life but posting it without your consent, even if done in error, is abuse).
Asking you to engage in prostitution or pornography when you don’t desire to.

5. Physical Abuse is our everyday television-show abuse. It needs not much introduction as we all have seen or witnessed it. Physical abuse include violent actions like slapping you, chocking you, kicking you, beating you, pulling your hair, spitting on you and using or threatening to use a weapon against you.

Though some of these acts can be done as part of your sexual activities, it must be consensual for it not to be considered as an abuse.

What are your thoughts? Do you know someone that is suffering from these? Use the comment box below to get to us. We will surely help you!


www.esther.ng

Daily, on an increasingly rampant rate and on more gruesome scales we hear reports of violence at homes, in love affairs, in business partnerships and even in places of worship. Yet, when traditional media discuss these happenstances, they do so either as a carefree report of what is going on around the country or they use the news in an attempt to sell an ideology or promote agendas.

Today, most of the crimes committed in our country are committed against people who were once ‘loved’ and ‘cared for’ by people who were once ‘trusted’ and/or ‘idolized’. Abuse in relationships can now assume different forms not necessarily the man-woman abuse we all know. Abuse can be present in a relationship without the ‘wife beating’ that is largely shown on TV.

In this EB Exclusive series, we will examine abusive relationships, their symptoms, causes and possible solutions so that you will be able to spot a relationship with the tendencies of descending into a violent one and take preventive measures before things get out of control.

The centre for relationship abuse awareness defines an abusive relationship as “a relationship with a pattern of abusive and coercive behaviors used to maintain power and control over a former or current intimate partner”. This just means that abuse can be emotional, financial, sexual or physical and can include threats, isolation, and intimidation.

Generally, it is believed that abuse in relationships compounds over time. This means it starts off in one of the non-threatening forms until it escalates into the violent type. This means if you overlook a coercive behavior ‘one of those moments’, you are surely inviting many more of ‘those moments’ your way.

SOMETHING WORTH NOTING
There is a very thin line between normal human behaviors in abnormal situations and abuse in relationships. As a woman, if your partner tried to control your behavior and insults you when you don’t get it right, he may be abusive and such behaviors should be checked. However, if he is trying to get you to control how you behave in certain places, maybe around his mom, he may just be trying to protect his and your image.

In the same way, if your wife is trying to withhold sex from you because she is observing a spiritual exercise, that may be considered as a normal behavior. However, if she is using sex starvation as a means to coerce you into some action, then she may just be exhibiting some abusive tendencies.

CONCLUSION
I hope this article has been able to clearly define what abusive relationships are and to enlighten you on the singular fact that abuse in relationship is more than just violence but can include starving, isolating you from your family, undermining your capabilities and any behavior that is targeted at making you feel unable to function well as such becoming vulnerable to control.

During the course of this series we are going to reveal the characterizing signs that you should watch out for in abusive relationships and how to nip them as they bud before they grow to destroy your relationship and harm you. We will also tell you where to seek help if it so happens that you are already in one.


Source: www.esther.ng

Fellow Nigerians,

It is official now that our country is in recession. Nothing really functioned in this country even without the recession so things are going to get ‘totaled’ now that our country is broke! Most of us however do not understand what the situation really means and we use something as serious as this to ‘politik’ and promote all kinds of agendas on the internet.

Recession is defined by the dictionary as a period of temporary economic decline during which trade and industrial activities is reduced. It is generally characterized by a fall in a country’s GDP (Gross Domestic Product). Generally speaking, recession is the reduction of our country’s ability to earn.

Now with 70% of the workforce employed by the government, a reduction in the country’s ability to earn will almost certainly translate into irregularities in salaries since our politicians are world renowned for being self-centered and corrupt. In view of the high inflation and the rising cost of getting by, unemployment, bankruptcies etc we can see that an economic disaster is not far off.

Now, The issue at Hand…

Nigeria is a very diverse country and in such diversity, it is normal to find misunderstandings and agitations. For the purpose of progress, let us put all those aside till when we emerge victorious from this mess. Our diversity for the now will be limited to financial diversity. Luckily, the internet can bring together the rural poor, the urban poor, the working class, the middle class, the rich and the super rich. (I hear Dangote’s daughter is on nairaland)

So, irrespective of which social stratification you belong, the list below is going to help you find a role to play in getting our beloved country’s honor back and increasing her earning ability. Find a part to play and play it well and you never can tell where doing what you do well will take you.

Stop your import business:
There are so many threads and blogs that promote the importation business because it is profitable. Right now, your country is in recession. Arouse your patriotism and stop or transform your importation business (See point 4 on this list). How about exporting charcoal, art work, Ankara and many more things that western countries are beginning to adopt from us?

Produce your own food:
For the rural poor or the unemployed, producing your own food maybe a good way to help our country out of its import bound habits. Do you know that we still import fish, chicken, rice, tomato paste, pepper etc? If you producing these locally, you may help our naira become stronger.

Educate your rural relatives:
‘Let nobody hear you idly saying there is nothing I can do’. If you lack the capital or know-how to do anything on this list, educate your rural relatives that the country is waiting on them to improve their farming skills. Help them with information on how to do what they do better. Are they rearing animals, help them with information on preventive and other measures to rear super-healthy animals. Teach them about hygiene and personal health. Just improve them and they will improve their outputs.

Purchase Inputs and Capital:
If you cannot stop your importation business because it is the only thing you do to earn, you can import inputs. The problem is most times, we import consumables like headphones, ear piece, watches etc. How about importing things that can serve as capital to businesses in your country or even importing improved inputs? We all know that the Nigerian maize cannot be exported due to high presence of aflatoxin. You can import treated maize and sell them for planting. You can buy licenses to software that simplifies some routine office task and market them. There is no shortage of proper inputs to import.

Learn skills for the global audience:
One of the simplest ways to help this country out of recession is to become employed. Since the country will be down-sizing its workforce, you may not find it easy to find a job. However, the internet has made it possible to earn from countries that are doing well irrespective of your countries recession. Why not browse jobs sites and see what skills they are looking for in ‘casual’ or ‘work-from-home’ sections. If you have a knack for understanding, you could learn those skills in 2 weeks and start working on something. Freelancing is becoming a way of life, get involved!

Innovate:
Nigeria is full of so much talent. Now that the country is in recession, let your talent so shine before men that they may see your good work and be saved! Many things are not going well in this country. Look at our housing system. There must be a better way to house people that will be cheap, efficient and human. Is there a better way to learn and educate? Is there a better way to do community development, how can universal health coverage be achieved quicker. Find solutions a man’s basic problems and that man will appreciate you with his wallet. If you have great idea but lack funds to pursue them, we may be of help!

Lend to start-ups:
Despite the recession, some Nigerians have millions stashed away in banks. Why not lend to people with great ideas? Why don’t you let your money work for you? Lending to start-up is a very good way to take this country out of recession and quick. It will start companies, provide employments and increase internal revenue.

Increase your productivity:
If you are working for the government, you may be guilty of working less than you are paid for. That way, you are costing the country money. Increase your productivity! Do what you are paid for and do even more because it is by becoming bigger than your place that species evolve and succeed.

Pay your taxes:
Need I expatiate? Paying your takes help government to embark on more capital projects that will provide more employment and increase the standard of living. Besides, it will increase government’s earning power. Do you see how it can end the recession? Bet you do!

Start Believing in this country:
From the Islamic republic of north-eastern Nigeria to the people’s republic of Biafra and untold agitations in the Oduduwa republic, you see people that have lost all faith in humanity and in their country. Its time you begin to see Nigeria as home, no matter how dysfunctional the home is. We can only end the recession if we do right by believing in Nigeria again. Believe she is still great and she will be great again. Believe she will fail and she will only become worse. As a man thinketh so he becomes!

What a long read!

It is your time to share your thoughts using the comments sections below.


Source: www.esther.ng

Throughout the history of mankind, love has always found ways to connect people ‘from a distance’. From the famous story of the queen of Sheba and King Solomon through to the less popular story of Charles Babbage and Augusta Lovelace, long distance relationship has been a beautiful part of human history and has driven some of the most important inventions of our kind.

The advent of the internet was thought of by many to be the ‘magical bean’ that would fix the problems of ‘loving over miles and oceans’ and make long distance relationships work. Surprisingly, more and more of such relationships are crumbling at a rate that has never been witnessed before. Could it be that long distance relationships require more than just connectivity? This EB Exclusive investigates what keeps love affairs alight especially when they are over international borders.

LESSONS FROM HISTORY
In 2014 I read the story of an American couple, Peter and Helen Stoppi who got married in 1947 and remain married till death did them apart in the year 2000. Their relationship was born 5 years before their marriage in 1942 and became a long distance relationship just after a month of meeting until 1946 when Peter returned home from Europe where he was serving as a soldier.

A much recent example is the story of the Irish author Maeve Binchy, and a British writer Gordon Snell who fell in love in 1971 and dated solely through a long distance relationship until they got married in 1977. They remained married until death snatched Maeve Bichy in 2012.

These examples and a myriad of other examples show us that productive long distance relationships with happy endings were possible even when the only technology they had to keep in touch was the post office. The problem today is therefore not the ‘distance’ nor is it the ‘technology to keep us connected’ but our attitudes towards the distance.

PRACTICAL SUGGESTION…
Here are the practical tips we can adopt from these case studies to maintain our long distance relationships and keep the flames of love burning bright till we unite with our loved ones:

1. COMMUNICATION MUST BE EFFECTIVE:

If love is to foster from a distance, communication has to be open and frequent. Your partner will have to hear more since he/she cannot read your body language and most of the other communication we do implicitly. As such, communication has to be clear, open and expressive.

2. THE FARTHER, THE STRICTER:

The farther you are from your partner, the stricter you should be with yourself as regards to your interaction with the opposite sex. Hold yourself to a high moral standard and don’t listen to the ‘do you know what (s)he is doing over there’ crap that your friends will likely throw at you.

3. LET THE END BE CLEAR AND NEAR:

Peter and Helen knew they will be together once the war is over. Maeve and Gordon knew the will be together once a transfer is approved for one of them. All long distance relationships need to define a clear time when the couples plan on being together. Also plan and work towards intermittent visits as these are ‘the ties that bind’.

4. INTERDEPENDENCE IS GOLD:

Learning to be a self-dependent person will never be more valuable than in a long distance relationship as it is necessary you learnt to take care of yourself financially and otherwise while sharing your life.

5. INTIMACY IS IN THE MIND:

It is normal to desire to intimately connect once in a while but when your partner is miles away, you feel cheated and tempted to stray. It is at these moments that it is important to remember that intimacy is in the mind. How many times did you get in the sack with someone still don’t feel intimate afterwards?

6. PORN KILLS LOVE:

Need I explain this one. Using porn to fill in the sexual void of a long distance relationship will only lead to more porn and more unrealistic expectation from your partner when next you visit. This will only strain the relationship further

7. STARVE JEALOUS TENDENCIES:

Remember when you act jealous just to get attention? That could be some serious fun right? However, in a long distance relationship where the physical closeness is limited, it may carry devastating potentials. Starve jealous tendencies and make your dissatisfaction clear in a matured, non-provocative way.

In conclusion, Love has worked over distances and it will continue to work if you will put in the extra work and care and guard your heart with your head. The fact is love is always worth the inconveniences in the end.

Tell us about your long distance experiences in the comment section below. We love interaction!

www.esther.ng

The First day of September 2016 saw the federal government finally opening up about the state of the Nigerian economy drawing the public’s attention to the fact that it is actually worse than we had previously anticipated.

With the acknowledgement that the economy was in recession, the government also made clear the uncertainties surrounding its inability to pay the salaries of its civil servants. Large employers folded up almost immediately and the news brought panic to the millions of Nigerians depending on the government for their livelihood and to their dependants who are now used to a certain way of life.

Undoubtedly, the economic recession will shake the balance in most homes, like it has already done in the home of our beloved Toolz; it will rob the happiness of some homes and even tear some other homes apart. Nevertheless, there are homes that would use the tough times to bond stronger, grow happier and share moments that will last a lifetime and more!

In case you don’t know…
Quality education, good food, allowances and gifts are very good tools in keeping your family members happy but even beyond the iPhone6s that your daughter wants is the need to connect deeply. Beyond the new Toyota car that your husband wants is the desire to be in control and beyond the new gown and jewelry that your wife wants is the desire to be appreciated and ‘beautiful’ once more.
Psychologists believe that these primitive human desires drives consumerism and the ‘get this, get that’ attitudes of people today.

Soft work…
The activities suggested here will help keep your kids, wife, girlfriend, parents and other dependants feeling pampered even with the unavoidable withdrawal of privileges and reduction of allowance that will come with the recession. They are simple but require caution else you come off inciting hate and disgust.

1. Announce the recession and the need to cut excesses in a Family Meeting
Calling a family meeting to discuss the family finances does two things: Firstly, it shows every member of your household that he/she is that important. Secondly, it begins the process of talking to your teenage son or daughter; something which you may not have done in a while. Announce the state of the country’s economy and plead with everybody to be part of the process necessary to keep the family’s economy afloat.

2. Ask for opinions on how to improve the family’s income
After the meeting, meet your children or spouse and other dependant individually to ask for their opinion on how to increase the family’s income. This will help the person you came to for opinion feel special and valued and his opinions could give you an opportunity to do more together if not earn some extra bucks. Remember, there is no force superior to singularity of purpose in forming and keeping strong ties.

3. Do more together
From sharing each other’s experience to storytelling, to gardening or just strolling with your kid or spouse, doing things together is a sure way to foster and grow genuine friendships, one of the key instruments you need in navigating the storms of the recession.

4. Adopt technology
Technology, as simple as a family Whatsapp group to share the family’s To-Do list or a financial planner to show how the family’s incomes are being utilized, or a simple budgeting app to help your kids in planning their allowances, has the power to make transparent the family’s affair and struggles of each individual.

5. Reward Success
When the family’s budget is strictly implemented and some extra change is available at the end of the month, take your wife and kids, your girlfriend or any other dependant you have out for an appreciative dinner. You may use the dinner to give a speech of appreciation and hope. Just show them they matter and you believe that together you will pass through the strom successfully.

How is the country’s economy affecting your family’s happiness? Share with us using the comment box below and we reply you with personalized tips to reclaim your happiness!




Source: http://esther.ng/five-ways-to-pamper-your-family-even-in-hard-times/

Source: www.esther.ng

If you’ve ever felt furious with a man because he just doesn’t “get” why he’s making you unhappy, I can help.
Some men are actually, not on purpose trying to hurt you – But most men are just clueless. They really want to be with you.
Most men are lonely – yes, they really are. Most men feel awkward and less confident than you would imagine. In fact, most of the ‘GOOD’ men out there lack confidence and feel awkward around women.But they just cover it up with either an “I don’t care” attitude, a determination to keep an emotional “distance” between you, or outright hostility.
It’s amazing sometimes how far a man will go to protect his own heart. And nearly the worst thing any woman can do is to take what he does and says and close up your own heart in response. If you trust YOURSELF with a man, he will trust YOU.And that is just the truth ….
Now…this is very different from insisting that YOU trust HIM. And I know this is hard to get, because trust seems like it has to be a given in a good relationship – and it does. But it doesn’t begin with you trusting him.
It begins with you trusting yourself as a woman and not your ‘girlfriends and social network ‘
It begins with a sense that no matter what he does or says, you’ll be okay. It begins with him getting that you will not tolerate bad behavior, garbage, mistreatment, neglect, or any form of abuse or disconnection.
And the REASON you can trust yourself not to tolerate bad behavior is just that…you trust yourself!
And then, it makes it possible for you to be yourself around him. You can be warm, open, loving and easy-going with him.
Why Trusting Yourself Brings Him Closer. If you so completely respect and accept yourself, you’ll automatically respect and accept your man… You will honor him – exactly the way HE is.And he instantly “gets” that you respect and accept him.
Your intention to be exactly who you are in his presence – no matter what – not only completely turns him on, it makes him feel manly and accepted and trusted all at the same time. And that’s when he becomes trustworthy.That’s when you begin to trust him. And that’s how a great, deep, and connected relationship gets created.
So much of this depends on the words you use. They have to be not only respectful and communicate simply – they have to be true!
Men are so used to hearing demands from women – from their mothers, their teachers, and even the women around them at work. They’re so used to this that they almost automatically shutdown and tune out whenever the sound of your voice or the content of your words triggers them in a way that feels like a demand.
Show Him He Needs YOU. You can be ahead of nearly every other woman around by learning how to put words together that are respectful, non-demanding and yet truly express what it is you want, what it is you need and what it is you feel – in a way that makes his heart want to get closer to your heart. What this does for you is take all the frustration out of communicating with a man!
There is a child in every man that is often neglected … There is a heart in every man that is often seen so hard…. There is so much love in every man that is been lost all Becos you haven’t paid attention to the right things… Be careful who u call ‘friend or bestie’ … Be careful who you discuss your relationship with or even ur marriage … Not everyone who laughs with u loves u and wants to see you happy…. Take your time and pay more attention to the little details that you think doesn’t matter Becos they actually do… Remember little things are little things but faithfulness to little things makes them great… Take your time to study your man and practice a few things sincerely … Not all men are beasts and not all men are after sex….
I pray for those who are truly search for fulfillment in their relationships … Those who have been broken and torn apart…. May the Holy Spirit of minister to your worrying hearts the peace God brings …. I pray that soon happiness may flow in your paths in the mighty name of Jesus.
 
 
By Cajetan Didam Isah (http://www.esther.ng)


Source: http://esther.ng/the-child-in-every-man-that-needs-attention/

“The biggest challenge after success is shutting up about it.”
― Criss Jami

Fame is something we all desire and we do so rightly. The beauty, influence and money that come with fame are definitely desirable things but recently, we have watched our favorite celebrities literally suffer from success. The question now becomes: is fame a blessing or a curse? Does the glitter and glory of fame equal the cost? These and many more questions are the background against which this article is written.

Why do people want fame?

Most teenagers in almost every society want to be famous actors, musicians, politicians or recognized and celebrated technocrats. Some of us continue dreaming about fame well into our adulthood and others into old age. Interestingly, the teenage mind wants fame not because of the money and beautiful things but because of the influence that comes with fame and how this influence can be instrumental in the creation of a better world (EB Quora Poll for this article).

Indeed, fame can be akin to winning a jackpot. It can change your life and the life of your family and transform the future of your generation completely. Consider the story of Olajumoke: her rise to affluence is a depiction of the power and blessings of fame. The present and future of her children will never be the same. Fame even transformed the destiny of her estrange husband too.

Fame can also be a tool for positive change; Omotola Jakande a popular actress is also known to be the founder of Omotola Youth Empowerment Programme which can be seen as a tool for change. Chimamanda Adiche’s brilliant voice on the issues of feminism and gender equality is a beautiful example of how positive fame can be. The fame of Patience Jonathan’s birthed Women for Change Initiative; and many more examples of people who used their fame for positive causes abound.

But is that all there is to fame?

By no means! Fame is more destructive than it is constructive. If this was otherwise, then celebrities would be the happiest set of people in the world but we know that is far from the truth.

From the suicides of Whitney Houston, over-dosage of painkillers by Michael Jackson, and that of Marilyn Monroe to the drunken homicide that killed Dagrin to the family drama of Tiwa and Teebliz and many other challenges of the celebrity lifestyle, we can deduce that there is little to no joy in Fame.

A story was told of a very successful celebrity who was asked of what he knew now that would have helped him when he was coming up. His startling reply was that he wish he knew that after coming to the top, there is nothing there. Robin Williams quoted him before his suicide.

In Conclusion

With so much incomprehensible troubles in the life of the rich and the famous, to question if fame is a blessing or a curse can be answered in many a divergent ways. The truth however is that people will continue to seek fame and continue to get burnt by it.

What is the better choice?

Tell us your opinion in the comment section below or visit our website at www.esther.ng.


Source: www.esther.ng

This is a good one...

Olasco93:
"Pursuing a meaningful life in the face of adversity may be a tough thing to do but you must remain strong and keep pursuing. If you are yet to achieve a life you want, pursue more harder. Increase your speed! Keep trying to achieve success. Not once or twice but severally.
There is no easy ride to greatness.
Whatever you find yourself doing, do it well. Do it over and over again. In spite of challenges, continue doing it. Don't ever stop doing it. Life may be tough but you are more tougher. You've got power within you. You've got power to comeback from any setback."
My Ex (Executive Officer) taught me this.

Lol...

ednut1:
Jealousy no mean love o. babe wey dey gv me close marking den. was a cheerful giver hahaha

Hmmm... You can't be so sure...

adewumiopeyemi:
No love without money g

Especially for 9ja fact...... money will buy love...

For real

bayocanny:
The word "LOVE" is an illusion

Lol.

vargasvictory:
<sup>No love without money


Especially for 9ja</sup>

Good or bad! What lesson did your ex teach you or did you learn from your past relationship(s)?


Please share!!!




Source: http://esther.ng/trueconfessions-what-did-your-ex-teach-you/

www.esther.ng

Hello EB Readers, this is a mail I got from a reader , wanted to share with you all for some advice, read below......

"I am a 30 year old single lady, working in Nigeria, earning a good salary, leaving in my own house and practically having a good time. I have a boyfriend, who is loving, understanding and caring. He is the only guy I have dated that understands me so much, in other words...he gets me.

I look forward to that in any relationship I go into and am grateful to God for bringing him to me. When we met, he said he was separated and undergoing a divorce....we started dating and things escalated, he introduced me to his family members, his mother, siblings and uncles. He has met my family members and talked with them.

We have been dating for almost 2 years and am worried, he has never asked for an introduction (formal way of meeting my father and mother), he always says he wants to marry me when his divorced is finalized, but how long does it take divorce to be finalized?? He is always saying that he loves me and I should give him more time....

I don't know what to do, please I need advice, should I wait for him for as long as it takes, or start dating another person waiting for the one that will ask for marriage first? ...."

(practical advice). Thanks


Source: www.esther.com.ng

An EB reader asks for your honest opinion... Kindly read below...

We moved to a new apartment in an estate with neighbours everywhere, "mind your business" was the order of the day but my next door neighbour was different.

She seemed really nice and friendly. My husband and I are no longer together: in other words, I'm a single working class mother, I had a helper and my aunty also lived with me.

I have changed my help so many times and I don't know the reason why they always left. Maybe its something i do? *just thinking aloud*. My neighbour is newly married and is an expectant mother.

One faithful day, my help left and my aunty travelled. As a busy woman, I approached my neighbour and begged her to help me watch my children after school till I got back from work.

The response I got from her made me realize she did not want to help me. I had to pay for "after school care" in my children's school for them.

Should I be offended with my neighbour or accept my fate as I see it?

Source: www.esther.com.ng

Lol... Not all though...

Cutehector:
I lie?

Yea, its surprising...

pharmagba:
Ben 40yrs in his parent house!!!
Even Jesus started leaving his parent house by 12yrs
I don't know of the educational status of Ben.
All I see see in Ben in a no! No! No!

Hmmm...

Cutehector:
Women?


Very confused set of peopl

I just got this email from a reader, please kindly read, and advice….

If you would like to share your stories to get advice from others without being judged, please contact us: contact@esther.com.ng….. we will post your stories on Esther's BLOG.

Details:

“My name is Kate (changed for anonymity), I am 35 years old, I was formally married when I was 29years to a man I thought loved me as I loved him, the marriage was dissolved 2 years later due to spousal abuse ( I was being beaten up everyday of those years).

I stayed alone for awhile, then started dating this wonderful man-Sam about 2 years ago, he is older than me by some years, he takes care of my needs, he got me a house and 2 cars, opened a boutique for me and we fly everywhere around the world together. With the money I have gotten from him, I have been able to open a fishery, snail, and chicken farm, so basically I am doing ok, but I want him to help me get a steady job so I wouldn’t be dependent on him to much.

I was invited to a church, and I met a brother Ben-40years old that wants to marry me, the brother is jobless, lives with his parents, not his fault but he hasn’t been able to get a job for awhile so he sells books. He is good spiritually and helps me too I love that about him, he doesn’t want to have sex till after marriage.

I give Ben a lot from what Sam gives me, Ben doesn’t know about Sam yet, and I don’t plan to tell him. My issue is that, I want to get married again, Sam isn’t interested in marrying me, but Ben is, Sam takes care of me, he gives me all I want(I love shopping), Ben has nothing…if I leave Sam, Ben cant afford to take care of my needs( He thinks its the farm and shop that provides money for me, but funds gotten from them is too small)….

what do I do…please.”

Practical Advice please… thanks.


Source: www.esther.com.ng

Hmmmm...

Noela Rukundo sat in a car outside her home, watching as the last few mourners filed out. They were leaving a funeral — her funeral.

Finally, she spotted the man she’d been waiting for. She stepped out of her car, and her husband put his hands on his head in horror.

“Is it my eyes?” she recalled him saying. “Is it a ghost?”

“Surprise! I’m still alive!” she replied.

Far from being elated, the man looked terrified. Five days ago, he had ordered a team of hit men to kill Rukundo, his partner of 10 years. And they did — well, they told him they did. They even got him to pay an extra few thousand dollars for carrying out the crime.

Now here was his wife, standing before him. In an interview with the BBC Thursday, Rukundo recalled how he touched her shoulder to find it unnervingly solid. He jumped. Then he started screaming.

“I’m sorry for everything,” he wailed.

But it was far too late for apologies; Rukundo called the police. The husband, Balenga Kalala, ultimately pleaded guilty and was sentenced to nine years in prison for incitement to murder, according to the Australian Broadcasting Corporation (the ABC).

The happy ending — or, as happy as can be expected to a saga in which a man tries to have his wife killed — was made possible by three unusually principled hit men, a helpful pastor and one incredibly gutsy woman: Rukundo herself.

Here is how she pulled it off.

Rukundo’s ordeal began almost exactly a year ago, when she flew from her home in Melbourne with her husband, Kalala, to attend a funeral in her native Burundi. Her stepmother had died and the service left her saddened and stressed. She retreated to her hotel room in Bujumbura, the capital, early in the evening; despondent after the events of the day, she lay down in bed. Then her husband called.

“He told me to go outside for fresh air,” she told the BBC.

But the minute Rukundo stepped out of her hotel, a man charged forward, pointing a gun right at her.

“Don’t scream,” she recalled him saying. “If you start screaming, I will shoot you. They’re going to catch me, but you? You will already be dead.”

Rukundo, terrified, did as she was told. She was ushered into a car and blindfolded so she couldn’t see where she was being taken. After 30 or 40 minutes, the car came to a stop, and Rukundo was pushed into a building and tied to a chair.

She could hear male voices, she told the ABC. One asked her, “You woman, what did you do for this man to pay us to kill you?”

“What are you talking about?” Rukundo demanded.

“Balenga sent us to kill you.”

They were lying. She told them so. And they laughed.

“You’re a fool,” they told her.

There was the sound of a dial tone, and a male voice coming through a speakerphone. It was her husband’s voice.

“Kill her,” he said.

And Rukundo fainted.

Rukundo had met her husband 11 years earlier, right after she arrived in Australia from Burundi, according to the BBC. He was a recent refugee from the Democratic Republic of Congo, and they had the same social worker at the resettlement agency that helped them get on their feet. Since Kalala already knew English, their social worker often recruited him to translate for Rukundo, who spoke Swahili.

They fell in love, moved in together in the Melbourne suburb of Kings Park, and had three children (Rukundo also had five kids from a previous relationship). She learned more about her husband’s past — he had fled a rebel army that had ransacked his village, killing his wife and young son. She also learned more about his character.

“I knew he was a violent man,” Rukundo told the BBC. “But I didn’t believe he can kill me.”

But, it appeared, he could.

Rukundo came to in the strange building somewhere near Bujumbura. The kidnappers were still there, she told the ABC.

They weren’t going to kill her, the men then explained — they didn’t believe in killing women, and they knew her brother. But they would keep her husband’s money and tell him that she was dead. After two days, they set her free on the side of a road, but not before giving her a mobile phone, recordings of their phone conversations with Kalala, and receipts for the $7,000 in Australian dollars they allegedly received in payment, according to Australia’s The Age.

“We just want you to go back, to tell other stupid women like you what happened,” Rukundo said she was told before the gang members drove away.

Shaken, but alive and doggedly determined, Rukundo began plotting her next move. She sought help from the Kenyan and Belgian embassies to return to Australia, according to The Age. Then she called the pastor of her church in Melbourne, she told the BBC, and explained to him what had happened. Without alerting Kalala, the pastor helped her get back home to her neighborhood near Melbourne.

Meanwhile, her husband had told everyone she had died in a tragic accident and the entire community mourned her at her funeral at the family home. On the night of Feb. 22, 2015, just as the widower Kalala waved goodbye to neighbors who had come to comfort him, Rukundo approached him, the very man whose voice she’d heard over the phone five days earlier, ordering that she be killed.

“I felt like somebody who had risen again,” she told the BBC.

Though Kalala initially denied all involvement, Rukundo got him to confess to the crime during a phone conversation that was secretly recorded by police, according to The Age.

“Sometimes Devil can come into someone, to do something, but after they do it they start thinking, ‘Why I did that thing?’ later,” he said, as he begged her to forgive him.

Kalala eventually pleaded guilty to the scheme. He was sentenced to nine years in prison by a judge in Melbourne.

“Had Ms Rukundo’s kidnappers completed the job, eight children would have lost their mother,” Chief Justice Marilyn Warren said, according to the ABC. “It was premeditated and motivated by unfounded jealousy, anger and a desire to punish Ms. Rukundo.”

Rukundo said that Kalala tried to kill her because he thought she was going to leave him for another man — an accusation she denies.

But her trials are not yet over. Rukundo told the ABC she’s gotten backlash from Melbourne’s Congolese community for reporting Kalala to the police. Someone left threatening messages for her, and she returned home one day to find her back door broken. She now has eight children to raise alone, and has asked the Department of Human Services to help her find a new place to live.

And lying in bed at night, Kalala’s voice still comes to her: “Kill her, kill her,” she told the BBC. “Every night, I see what was happening in those two days with the kidnappers.”

Despite all that, “I will stand up like a strong woman,” she said. “My situation, my past life? That is gone. I’m starting a new life now.”



Source: http://esther.com.ng/a-man-who-paid-to-have-his-wife-killed-was-shocked-when-she-appeared-at-her-own-funeral/

Website: www.esther.com.ng

What are you bringing to your marriage?

We all have heard that ‘Marriage is beautiful, Marriage is honorable, Marriage completes you and make you whole again’ but looking at the multitude of examples of marriages we see today, one is tempted to believe that marriage is the direct opposite of all we were told. Fortunately, there are still few successful and romantic marriage dotted across the marriage continent. The question hence becomes “what are the successful couples doing that everyone else is not doing?? What do they know that others don’t and how have they prepared for the marriage institutions that others didn’t? This series of articles will investigate the ways we all can prepare ourselves to become married and happy ever after.

Marriage is truly a beautiful thing. Rather, marriage is supposed to be a truly beautiful thing: it multiplies your efforts by two and divides your problems by the same factor. Imagine falling asleep in the arms of love and waking up every morning with someone who has promised you to be there in sickness and in health, sharing every leisure time with someone special and a 24 hours license to SEX. Uhmm, sex.

But recently, there has been debates as to whether getting married is worth it. Stories of people being swindled by their partners, stories of cheating, obligatory or forced servitude and examples from Nollywood and Hollywood stars that we look up to have made us debate the importance/necessity of marriage.
Here is a Fact…

Marriage is just an empty cup.

When you fill a cup with water, it becomes a cup of water. When you fill a cup with juice, it becomes a cup of juice and when you fill a cup with poison, it becomes a cup of poison. Therefore the outcome of a marital union gives you a clue as to the type of people that are part of the union.

So if you think that you are ready for marriage, you have to begin with a single question: what am I going to bring into my marriage?
And here is a lesson…

A person brings his character into marriage not the ‘person’(s) he is when(s) he is with you!

A bitter person is bringing in bitterness into marriage. No matter how loving and caring your partner wants to be, bitterness will prevail. An African adage say ‘na small mess dey make room smell’.

Therefore, it is important that before you begin to think of getting married, you should think of overcoming all or most of the bad habits in you!

Do you lie a lot? Are you pathologically promiscuous? Do you have an unforgiving nature? Are you tied down by guilt and mistakes of your past? You should work towards overcoming any driving force that is likely to pollute your marriage and begin your journey towards wholeness-one quality that is vital to a happy and successful married life.

Peter de Vires once stated: ‘the difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality and we must live with a character.



Source: www.esther.com.ng