₦airaland Forum

Its obvious you two still have a long way to go if you really want to get married. First and foremost what does ur girl want for herself?? She needs to have a firm grip of herself and be in control. Tears won't solve it but to put her feet down so irrelevant people won't impose wrong decisions on her.
Also what's her dad saying?didn't c anything about him in the picture painted.
Am sure when u started dating her you knew it will be a bumpy ride coz there is also problem when it comes to religion and denominational differences.

I don't know why we women attach importance to things of less importance. A man loves you so much and you are feeling uncomfortable becoz of certificates? My hubby finished school with a 2-2 yet I finished with an enviable Bsc with a masters abroad yet I married him like that and am happy with my man. It has never been a bone of contention between us. Ours is still better, some married with lower degrees and they are happy the major thing is your happiness o not degree. So far your man develops himself no problem

@ poster:beautiful write-up.

The issue of acknowledgment and appreciation in marriage tends to be watered down due to over familiarity. Just made my hubby a pot of good soup,he's eating no comment I ask so how's the food he says 'but you know you are a good cook, ok the soup is sweet' am like its not that, say that the food the sweet let me hear.
We get too familiar with each other that atimes we neglect things that should be appreciated.

On point blue diva
Please allow him get his acts together. This is no time to nag but encourage him. He knows what he's doing and also let him catch up on the family times he has missed.

Its not all right. You need to stay together. There is no need for privacy, you should be open as well as vulnerable to your partner am sure at a point in your life you had to a share room with one or two people. Please get used to living in the room with him. Night gist, brainstorming,decision as well as sex are always the best

Ohh thought it was lagos you saw her. Well since she still stays with the old woman while not have a word with her about the child's welfare. Maybe you enroll her in a school around that vicinity and also be sending some money for her upkeep. I doubt if lagos state social service will want to get involved since she's not based here and I don't no much about ogun state social service. Research abeokuta well for an orphanage might see one or two. But though her guardian is old will she release her?

You can take her to an orphanage maybe one close to your area and decide to sponsor her education or lagos state has a walfare office for kids like this though I don't know where the office is. And you can also adopt her. But you have to be very careful, find out all you can about her from people. Take her for deliverance and be watchful.

The choice is your but be careful before your good deeds will be manipulated

First thing first send her back home as a matter of urgency and to prevent future occurrence put a distance between the mom and his family. That food would have wiped the whole family out. Which kind mil is that? The hubby should report his mum to his family back at home showing them evidence of the fOod poison.
To prevent her from telling tales and breeding hatred for his wife

How do you correct him?if you are not careful that young man will be very uncontrollable few years down the line. Do you just correct him without making sure he heeds to correction? What do you do when he flaunts your orders? Have u tried spanking or punishment like with holding some privileges from him? The way you will train ur baby girl might be a bit diffrent from the young man.

By now your son should understand your facial expressions and behaviours when he flaunts your orders.

It might work. But depends on so many factor. The lady has a lot of work to do. Can she cope with such huge age difference?is she ready to submit to someone that young?does she want to marry him for now or till death do them part?can she take insults from him? The woman ages faster than the man, what are her plans to keep shape and still remain attractive? Hmmmm dicey coz love alone can't sustain this marriage a lot of other ingredient is needed.

Mine is www. feminineangle..com.

@cyril83
No one is saying you should leave your job and start caring for your woman full time. what people are sharing is stories of considerate men who though busy with their day to day activities still have little time for their wives.there's nothing posted here that's far fetched. Its what you can do.

I agree with everyone. She should stay put and fight for her marriage. If possible they should move out of the environment immediately and work on her man and marriage. God created women with so much shock absorber. The needed strength is available for her to pull through. Not easy though but all will be well @ the end

Hmmm.... M y precious husband,very very supportive. Comes back home late yet still listens to all my yarns on hjow my day went. Won't forget the day rain beat me and when he got back narrated by ordeal to him. He appologized and started massaging my body for me. All of a sudden I said 'is that how to massage somebody?pls don't break my bone'. He looked at me confused like what really is her problem?
Too many thing o. Really showed him pepper but the excitement over rides all my nasty and inconsiderate behaviours

Really both of you need to grow up. Marriage is Hardwork and not for the faint hearted. Yes he treated you as a queen when you were dating and apologizes quickly that's because you were not yet his own. Now he has paid your bride price and you are married some things will definitely change but not all things. Its still within a year of marriage so you are both going through the adjustment phase of ur marriage. Calm down
Both of you are taking each other for granted!why will you go to bed because he gave you cold shoulder and you know he's hungry? If your husband offends you let him know you are hurt don't pile up the hurt you will explode and it will be bad.iron out issues immediately and tell him to do so too. This issue is too small for families to start meddling into play your part let your man play his part. You are no longer dating this is marriage for real and the earlier you get that the better

@ Afdman..
So sorry for your loss. Affliction shall not arise the second time. You are a definition of a real man. Know its very hard for your wife after all she's been through. Pls comfort her, send our love to her and remind her that all will be well

Its obvious your husband has issues. Most men equate love with provision but that doesn't work for a woman. Your husband needs re-orientation. Talk to him about how you feel about it. Make him realise the abuse is creating enmity betwEen the two of you. If he needs help in controlling his anger pls help him. By helping him I mean when he is angry you should be calm. The two of you shouldn't be mad at the same time. Be quiet while he rants and if you can chip in sorry why not? When he is calm then you can now make him see things from your point of view

Congrats! Thank God u married a matured n understanding man however you must tread cautiously.most times its men that don't like putting on their rings but because your hubby puts his own on you have to however you can explain to him, let him get you slim rings one is ok. They are so slim and cute you will like it. Wear your rings to fulfil all righteousness

No 2 marriages are the same, what works for urs and mine might not work for the poster. You just said that your husband supports you against his sisters, if she had that support she won't have any issue to put on nairaland for us to discuss. Now she doesn't have the most important support she needs in her home how will she defend her self and her marriage? Kitchen is my most priced department but will I fight all my sil and my husband who is the reason am fighting for control over my kitchen over that and be leaving a life of misery?

@ronkebp:women are very cunny and if a pot of stew will make me quarrel with my sil I will let it go and be counting down to the day she will leave my house its better like that.
And about reporting to her family its a two way thing, now that her family is aware what really can they do? How will she feel if she's at the centre of a family meeting over a trivial issue such as a pot of stew?what happens after her family leaves?then she faces the music. Am against domestic violence don't get me wrong but I believe wisdom and maturity must be displayed in marriage. If she's got a big brother or sister she can report to them and they face him with wisdom rather than parents.

So sorry about what u re going through but can I say u this u didn't handle this with a lot of maturity before it got out of hand. Did u your sil as a competitor? There's no big deal about a pot of stew or no pot of stew if she was your sister what will you do?be more tolerant having it at the back of your mind that she will soon leave your home. For now its obvious that you are fighting a lone war, ur husband will still pitch tent with his sisters which to me is sad and if you can't beat them you join them. Try to be nicer and more tolerant. Its not everything she does you want to act on she's got support and you know how we women behave, they won't mind ruining your marriage. Apply wisdom and you will see what happens.
About ur husband, forgive him, but don't put yourself in the situation where he will hit you again. You've seen his ugly side protect urself against it. And why would you report the situation of things in your marriage to your parent? Please save them the headache and handle things maturely

Stories like this make me wonder bad things happen to good people. Cassa I can feel your pain God will soon smile on you. I agree with your parent be his 1st wife its not easy though but all will be well.however you should have listened when ur husband said he doesn't want a female staff for your biz. He saw great dangers ahead but guess you were too busy to make the family dreams come through. Pray and tell the Lord to comfort you on every side. He is the only one that can feel what you are feeling right now. God still answers prayers. Pls call on him to open your womb and give you peace round about. The tides can stil change pls don't give up

God will come through

Stories like this make me wonder bad things happen to good people. Cassa I can feel your pain God will soon smile on you. I agree with your parent be his 1st wife its not easy though but all will be well.however you should have listened when ur husband said he doesn't want a female staff for your biz. He saw great dangers ahead but guess you were too busy to make the family dreams come through. Pray and tell the Lord to comfort you on every side. He is the only one that can feel what you are feeling right now. God still answers prayers.
God will come through

I feel u jare fresh money its not easy. This is the burden placed on man from the time of adam. However I must commend you for wanting and giving the best to your family. from your no time create time. It seems you are in a more flexible environment unlike Nigeria so you work based on time create time for dinner even if its once or twice a month, during work u could send a txt or even call her just to check on her,
On ur way home ask what you should get for her and all. Just keep communication between you two alive and flowing and don't forget to always ask her how she's faring, what's troubling her and the kids
And lastly don't forget to always tell her you love her. Reassure her daily of your love you men know how to coin those words!

Thanks knowledge4 that was a good advise.
Pls and pls ignore any any1 advocating that your husband is having extra marital affair. He is innocent until proven guilty and from your post all you guyz need is communicate better, be sensitive to each others needs and desires, pray more (praying together works believe me),and love each other more.

Pls a word or caution sieve all the advise you will get on this site and pick ONLY the ones that will help your marriage

I so much agree with peaceheartt. Divorce isn't d way forward. You need to calm down and think of a better approach to get your man back. Two things should keep you going. His love n ur kids. You also need to be prayerful you guyz have drifted apart and the reason of your union practically forgotten.
You have to fight back. Sit down and talk about it. Improve the communication btw you two. Let him know about the rejection and how you want things to be in the failure. I believe sucess is all round. Make ur marrige succeed.

Communicate very important
Pray without season there are so many vultures out there ready to snatch ur man
Make things work
Don't be rigid be flexible. Variety is d spice of life. Spice up ur sex life,
It is well.

Starting from you, you should be man enough to own up to the responsibility. Why will you constantly be sleeping with a lady unprotected? Now it has happened!the innocent child you brought into this world prematurely wants to live and there is nothing you can do about it so face the music. Take care of the mum and the unborn child till she gives birth and if you feel your claim is right about the child not been urs then after birth take the baby for a DNA test to determine it.

Why will you give a brother in need your tithe? Tithe should be paid to a bible believing church whatever the money is used for is non of your business just make sure you follow biblical injunction dat says bring all tithe to the storehouse which is the church. If u really want to help ur brother then do so but not with your tithe. wisdom is profitable to direct. This site is not the best place to ask for advise about anything religion/scriptural we have a lot of confusionist. Be careful to obey is better than sacrifice 98 percent obedience is disobedience

Hi
Need the tourjour diapers anyone especially the person that can send them from germany?pls inbox me - bunmi4real08@yahoo.com

Thx

This is very very wrong and for a newly wed regrets are inevitable. This step shows the guy isn't very wise and yet to be independent from his family thus making his wife vulnerable. You just said biblical?didn't the bible say you should leave your father and mother and CLEAVE to your wife? Does he know the meaning of leaving and cleaving deeply? His he ready for strains in his home by this singular act? Can I just ask so what was the reason he decided to get married??marriage is for the matured and the wise. There is no big deal about advices given by parents n family but when the advise suddenly becomes a dictate that your home abides by then you have exposed your wife n home and also traded your joy. Its better tell your friend to start redeeming his marriage now before its too late