₦airaland Forum

Sorry for the lack of update. Tight schedule.

Lets see if i could after the interview.

The interview has started https://www.nairaland.com/2370684/mr-nairaland-interview-day-1#34632685

CallMeFemi:
See as flow head Plenty...

Cc: @flow1759

convert the head to vote.

Chimaritoponcho:
flow true true you get big head o
chai! c as ur head cover screen

Na now you know?

My head na Molue

Trypa:
Am here dear ask n u sha receive don't forget to mention

How is the interview like?

wristwatch:
Goodmorning bro.

You schedule for an interview today by 6pm for the Mr Nairaland contest.

Endeavour to be on thread 2mins to 6pm in order to kick off on time.

Regards.

Ok. I will be available.

cho25bc:
What time?

Same 6

jayhaywhy:
Tanks...

You are welcome!!

I have critiqued it how best i could, go and check.

jayhaywhy:
Everybody sai flow....


Flow baba...sai baba flow...

Thank you for being a fan!!

I no too sabi critique oh.



But take this:


Nice piece!

Poor spacing: Your story is all jam-packed, the conversation is not spaced.

Tense swapping: Your story is full of tense swapping; I mean present tense and past tense interchanging. I think you should use past tense all through since it happened in the past.

Exclamation: Your exclamation is poor. In the sense that you hardly put question marks and exclamation marks where they should be.

Events Unfolding: You barely make spacious the different scenes. for example where you said your relationship with Bukky grew stronger should have been spaced far from what was above it; or better still in another update. NB: "days turn to weeks, weeks to months" same thing applies.


Stop using "buh" for but,

"i will make new friends" not "ama make new friends". We no dey yanky.

"Because" and not "cos" .That's text speak.

Where you used "me:..........." Dapo:..........................." to show conversation shouldn't have been so.
"..............." I said,
".............." Dapo said


Uncle Sam: "Tolani!" He called
is wrong

"Tolani!!" Uncle Sam called
is better

Where you met new faces, you should have introduced the new faces immediately; even if not direct introduction,indirectly would had nailed it

Avoid using brackets to interpret; interpret as a body. That is my style of writing sha.



In all you try brother!

Thumbs up!!

cho25bc, eROCK247, ajumaxbabe, Melancholy, Rounakid ............. Them don shift my own interview date to tomorrow oh.

jayhaywhy:
flow ne man, barin ta yi kuri'a kidaya..change shi ne duk muna bukatar, change shi ne duk muna nema,. change! change!! change!!!..kuma flow shi ne wanda ya kawo canji......


Don't mind ma hausa,,...just dey learn ni.



Everybody sai flow...


But u neva rate my story yet....

I go wait till after election don't worry..



Everybody sai flow

No vex abeg!

Ok make i go read am right away!

I will rate it over there in the thread.

6th of June …………………….. **una notice something about the date?***




I returned from work early. And yes, I always had classes on Saturdays too.

“guy no be so oh! Why you dey look my game na?”

“who dey look your game?” Junior said.

“oboy you dey look my game abeg no dey lie jor!” I wasn’t finding it funny that Junior was “giraffeing” what I would spell next.

“guy even if I look your game, even if I no look am! Na you go still carry last for this game!”



Of a truth, I always came last whenever we played Scrabble. The reason behind me always coming last wasn’t far fetched; it was due to the fact that I was always cheated.

Junior and brother Snow always mastered some killer words, words like VD, QT, IQ, KT, KO, OX.







”Flow this word FL no dey dictionary!” Junior announced after checking up the word I spelled in the dictionary.

“na lie jor! E dey jor!” I argued.

“how e take dey,? No be him I just check so?”

“but Snow don spell FL before na! That day wey we play na!”


“Me? Spell FL? Na FT I don spell oh!” Snow denied.

“na ojoro oh! Una go just dey cram word wey una go spell for una head” I wasn’t happy.




“no be so Flow! You no never understand the game!”



After playing three rounds of the game, we ate ABC of nutrition and slept.

Who can guess what the ABC of nutrition is?









Well, let me let the Cat out of the bag. Was the Cat ever there?

The ABC of nutrition is: A for Akara, B for Bread, C for Coke. Coke and not C’ocaine.

You can imagine taking Akara, Bread and C’ocaine; that na madness be that oh!

Maybe the person that consumes such would see men as trees. Maybe the person that consumes such would walk on his/her head. Or better still, he/she might acrobat home.






The ABC that "nourished" our bodies made us sleep till 5pm.

What woke me up was when my phone rang.

Guess who?


Gift!

Gift from "p'enis kicking".

“hello Gift!”


“Flow!!! see ehn if I see you near my sister!”

“if I see you near my sister!!”

“who is your siter?” I asked.

“you don’t know who my sister is abi?” She yelled, “that your long p’rick you wan to use it to chuk my sister”

“Why I go chuk her? I be chuk-chuk?”

“na you know that one!” She said, “wetin I know be say if I catch you with my sister, that your p’rick you go find am!”

“you say?”

“you know who my Papa be abi?” she boosted, ”if I enter Enugu for your case ehn!!”


Gift had once told me her father was a traditional herbalist that uses herbs to heal diseases.

Lies! I knew it was a big fat lie. That she just fine tuned the name from Babalawo to herbalist so i wouldn't be scared of her. The truth later came out when i saw some feathers wrapped with red clothes in her bag.

“now listen to me and listen very attentively! If you like go to your father, I am not scared!” I spoke at the top of my voice, “na your sister dey pursue me up and down, I no want her!”

“that one concern you!” She hung up.






“wetin this girl mean sef?”

“so she dey threaten me?”




In the actual sense, I wasn’t the one chasing Onyinye Gift’s sister, she chased me like bee to nectar; not giving me a breathing space. But I no want!!!!!



“guy why gift sister dey disturb you na?” Snow was awake.

“guy I no know oh!”

“you know jor?” Junior yelled.

“how I take know?” I asked.

“when you dey teach the girl Maths you no know?”

“you no get sense!! I never ever liked the girl, she just needed me to teach her maths, and that was what I did!!”

“that was what you didn’t!” What kind of grammatical blunder Snow threw.

“me? I didn’t! I did jor!” I joined in the grammatical blunder.

“see ehn! Make I tell una I no like that girl, that time wey I dey teach her maths, she dey open her body so that I go browse her cyber café but I refused”

“Flow! You! You refused?”

“guy I swear I no do anything with that girl!!! She no fine na! I get taste”

“I fit use my p’rick swear say i no do anything with her!” I offered.

“oya use am swear!” Snow longed.

“if say I sleep with that Onyinye, make I my p’rick cut!”


No Fears! I did not do anything with Onyinye other than a “forced kissed”.

“forced kiss” in the sense that she said if I don’t she would scream “r’ape!!!!!!”




Mehn when I finally with eyes closed kissed and mistakenly dragged in a cupful of her Ogbono soup, I ran to the kitchen to throw up.


Ask me where I threw up?

In our drinking water bucket.

Onyinye’s Ogbono soup tasted like four days old and maggot infested.


“kai! You no dey brush mouth!” I almost said as i returned.






“you like the kiss?” She asked.

“Me? Like it? No…………..I mean No……………. I don’t like it!” My tongue slipped with the Ogbono soup it still contained.

“you said no!” Her already ugly face added 50cm of ugliness.

“no oh! I no talk say no, I say yes!” On saying that, I had mistakenly swallowed the about one litre of Ogbono soup in my mouth.









Since that day, I stopped the Mathematics class abruptly telling her I had forgotten some formulas we needed to progress.

cho25bc:
U are right. Seconded

I just sent you my profile you asked of.


PS: The Profile funny sha!

You know i am always funny.

Melancholy:
Erock247, another way to go about this, is for flow1759 to make and deliver comprehensive list of his fans moniker for u to tag while u vote so they can follow ur lead by voting as well. Abi, wat do u think?

How do i do that?

cho25bc:
Ok

Babe timetable for interview don comot oh! my own na Thursday, 6pm. https://www.nairaland.com/2365859/mr-nairaland-interview-update

What a life sef!



See what Bigie had attained for himself within the past 3 years since we parted.

“Bigie wey we dey tell that time say him no get future!” Now see what the future held for him.

“Bigie wey be thief! Pick pocket!!”








“Bigie yan me! Which kin business you dey do wey make you hammer like this?”

“FlowFlow!! You no go understand oh!!”

***Readers: whenever you ask someone how he/she made his/her money and he/she answers saying "you no go understand oh", have it at the back of your mind that he/she is either into money rituals or any other negative means of making money, i speak from experience asking that question***.

“wetin I no go understand? Tell me first make you see weda I no go understand”

He looked at the direction of his driver driving and said; “no worry I go explain when we reach!”

“reach where?” I almost yelled.




Jamming in the stereo was “many men” by 50cent. That song was a representation of the mood I was in at that moment.


Many men in my life that were swimming in Riches albeit they made the money negatively.



Segun was an Igboh dealer and wanted me to help him distribute it in Port Harcourt.


Man was dealing on drugs and guns, and he saw me as a good candidate for “Groundnut and Coke” marketing.


Pkc wanted me to come join him in Ministry; Rumour had it that he was a fake Pastor extorting money from his congregation.


Chima and Chidi were full time 419 advocates and internet scammers.


Ilorin left teaching for Agberology and pick pocketology.


Baba Jay told me to help him distribute cholesterol contained groundnut oil in Port Harcourt.


Snoop suggested I joined him in firm piracy.


Angom was arrested for distributing poisonous Beans from the North to Lagos. I was this close to helping him distribute it in Port Harcourt.


Who else?

Kelvin? I heard he enrolled in a popular robber squad in Enugu.


My prayer to my father in heaven was that I never soiled my hands with evil sometime soon.


And now Bigie.





“Flow wetin you go drink?” We arrived one bar at GRA.

“me? You don forget my brand?”

“ok! Stout abi?” He guessed.

“yes na! you be correct!”



As I resumed drinking, Bigie ordered that Nkwobi be served to me.

“you you no go drink?” I cared.

“mehn! I no dey drink again oh! I don change!” Talking of Satan turning an angel.

“how? When? Where?”

“dey there dey ask question, I no dey drink again!” Bigie answered, “Waiter! Bring me bottle water!!”



“guy which one you go dey drink water, I go dey drink beer” I said, “you want make people dey think say I be tout?”

“naso I want am na! I no dey drink again na!”




Nkwobi came hot and sizzling.

“So Bigie you go tell me wetin make you rich now!” I just couldn’t wait.

“Flow Nwanne!! O di ka o di gi osiso!”

“nna o dim osiso o!”



“ok Flow, I dey sell oil!” He said.

“which kin oil?” I asked almost immediately.

“the normal oil wey you know na!”

“hahahahahahahahahaah! Bigie! So na oil you dey sell wey give you money buy Tundra!” I said, “Na only you dey sell oil for this world?”

“guy! No be that kin oil I mean oh!”

“why? No be red oil wey dem dey take cook you mean?”

“no na!”

“which kin oil? Na groundnut oil?” I asked.


“guy no be that kin oil!” He replied, “na the main oil na!”


“I dey into oil bunkery” He spilled.

“oil wetin?”

“oil bunkery!” He answered.

“na the thing I involve myself and money dey comot wella!”

“eheeen!”

“Yes na, I don dey this Port Harcourt since 2013 and i no see work, na last year I start bunkery”


“but guy no vex oh! Them no dey catch una?” I asked.

“them no go fit catch me and them my boys na!”

“I don enter Benin go arrange jazz wey me and my boys tie for body” He said, “as I dey so if you shoot me gun, e no go enter!”


“I even get boys wey dey stay bus stop dey collect money!” He said.

“stay bus stop dey collect money as how?” I was lost.

“I get touts them na! them dey submit to me!” He bit his chest.


“ehnnnn! That mean say you be Oga of Agbero!” I asked.

“yes na, but government no approve my Agbero union oh” I chipped in.

“wetin you mean? Government dey approve Agbero work before?”

“hahahahahahahahaaha! Yes na! you no know say here na Port Harcourt, you think say here na Lagos?”










To cut all the long story the narrated short, I asked; “so Bigie which one of this things you go involve me?”


He looked for a while at the roof as if the answer to the question I asked was inscribed there.

“ok! You go fit do Agbero work?”


“me?”

“yes na? e no hard oh!”

“Bigie! you know say I no get strength to dey run pursue motor”


He looked at the roof again and said; “you know say you get muscle well well!”

“yes na I get am well well!”

“you go fit do Body guard work!”

“Body guard? I fit na! na for who?” I thought he would answer saying; “na for one Politician like that”


But I was shocked when he yet looked at the roof and said; “For me na! I need body guard!”

What a life sef!

cho25bc:
Why must every females u come across seduce u?na so u fine reach?

#Saiflow

Reply my mail abeg

I have done that