₦airaland Forum

I need one Trypa here pls.

I have some very important questions pertaining the pageant to ask her.

Rounakid:
na the change we dey want...!

Rounakid well done! i dey see your hand work.

why are all my campaign crew members female?

Hmmmmmmm. Are there no males reading?

cc foxy et al

Rounakid:
i give u my word...
I will try my best... SAI FLOW1759 NA THE CHANGE WE DEY WANT...!

Everybody sai flow!!!

cho25bc:
Pls guys.can I upload some pictures here?it's 4 flow's campaign o

Dear cho25bc you dey try no be small. God bless.

ajumaxbabe will join you soon. I have sent her some pictures already.

Make una checkout my profile picture and tell me wetin una notice

“Chinonye can you define Computer!” Teacher Flow asked.

“Computer is….. Computer is………………….”

“Computer is what?” I yelled.

That is Chinonye for you! I made her defined computer eighty times the previous day, yet it never stuck to her very dull brain.

I was paid a forty percent of whatever the student paid as tuition bagging myself headache everyday. And having nightmare at night.


My nightmare often appear this way:

“Obama I have shown you how to open Microsoft word severally but you have refused to learn, is this how you will lead America!!”

“Goodluck Jonathan! Show him jor!”

“abi you too no know?”

“ok! I know even though all of you don’t know it, Bill Gate must know it!”

Yet Bill Gate too fail me.


Whenever I awoke such nightmare, I often asked myself why almost all my students in dreamland were dull while a handful are brilliant in reality.













“why are most of my student so so dull?” I asked myself as I faced Chinonye while she fumbled with ordinary defining computer.

“or was I not shouting enough?”

“or is it that they did all these intentionally so I would shout the more?”

“or is it because most of my students are married?”

“are married people that dull?”

“but Helen is also married yet she is very sound!”

“why is Chinonye so dull?”

“what she is good at is to open her legs wide for me to see the formerly white p’ant she always wore”

“and to bring her b’reast closer whenever I operated the mouse with her system”



Sorry to disappoint you guys, my “chieftaincy” never goes up whenever her "hard as rock" b’reast touches my elbow.

And whenever she opened her legs wide for me to see, my chieftaincy would be like “hmmmmmm! close that dirty thing!!”

But there is something she does that my chieftaincy has no choice but to salute.

That thing is caressing it.

I mean caressing my chieftaincy.


“stop it!!” I often whisper.

“stop what?” She would ask.

“shssssshh stop it oh!” e don dey sweet me be that.















After Chinoye’s class, I headed home to at least drink Garri since i was sure there was no food at home.

As I got home, I discovered there was no drinking water too.

A wise man once told me “A house without food should at least have drinking water, otherwise that house is worst than a prison house”



“which kin house be this sef! No food!! No water!!” And Papey our new neighbor burst into laughter.

“Papey! You get water make I drink small?”

“I no get for bucket. The only water I get na pure water, and e be like say na the last one!”

“no wahala come take am na!” He offered.


How could one sachet water be enough to "soak" the kind of huge bowl of Garri I had in mind?

Only time could tell.


A Garri big enough to feed a community I put in a bowl and poured the sachet water into it.

What was I thinking?

Before I finished munching two spoons,like parting the Red sea my Garri had over shadowed the water.





I searched tirelessly for water; searching every bucket I saw around even the ones in the toilet, for worst of bathing water to use for my “growing per seconds” Garri.

I wished I could dig a Well instantly.

This happened in the era when I quarreled with Angela and she had warned me never to buy anything from her. Owing to the fact that she was the only one that could give “awon boys!” whatever they wanted on credit amongst all the sellers in the street, I knew I was doomed.

Flow why you no go another place go buy pure water na? Did I hear you ask?

Answer: “because I no get she-she”, “as in, I no hold bar; one naira!”

And papey had just left. If not, i for beg am make him borrow me 50 bucks. I knew he wouldn't give.




I was choking.

I was so close to losing my breath.

My six was in sevens.

I thought I was gonna die.

The per seconds growth of the Garri in the bowl really scared me.


Suddenly I came to the conclusion that “all die na die!”, so I kept munching from my bowl of now "strong as rock" Garri without sugar.





My eyes grew thicker as I swallowed.

My nose became elastic and extended to maximum.

That was the day I knew Garri could kill.



“Flow! Why you wan kill yourself! Carry gallon go fetch water for Goldberg na!” Someone whispered to me.

“who talk!!” The voice was a combination of Snow’s and Junior’s.

Or was it my imagination?

I stood up, headed to the kitchen and carried containers that I would use to go fetch water albeit leaving my Garri to keep growing.







Goldberg Hotel was a stone throw; I mean 10 stones throw rather. It was really far for a hungry Flow that garri was rumbling in his stomach.




As I crossed the road, I heard the honk of a rickety car. Or so I thought.

“no be road be this! I block you!” I yelled.

But as I turned and saw that the car that honked was a “no nonsense” car, I comported.

“una go just carry una big-big motor dey disturb people!”


Then the Toyota Tundra packed behind me.


“Flow!” I heard someone called.

At first I thought the garri in my stomach was bringing to my notice that I might collapse soon.



“Flow Baba!!”

I turned I saw a chubby guy coming down from the Truck.

“Flow!” He called.

“how this one take know my name?” I was shocked.

“it’s me! Bigie!”

“Bigie? Who be Bigie?” I asked myself.

“Bigie na! Tupac and Bigie for Nekede that year! you don forget?”




“eeeeeeh! Bigie!” I hugged him, and was lost in the hug. Like when an Ant hug an Elephant.


“oboy you don chop up oh!” I hailed.

“na God oh!”

“This God good oh! See as Bigie just fat!” Na you get this motor?” I was at the top of my voice.

“naso oh! God don do am for me oh!”

“when will the same God do it for me?”I asked myself.

“Or was Bigie a better Christian than me?”

"wasn't he a better sinner?"










“What of Tupac na?”

“him dey! Him dey Delta State dey work for one construction Company like that”




“Flow! You dey go somewhere?” Bigie asked, “this one wey you carry gallon, you wan go fetch water?”

“me? Fetch water?” I wan go trowey them this gallons for dustbin, them no good, them dey lick!”



“ok enter motor make I go flex you! And make we gist” He said.

Over joyous, as I was about entering he said; “shebi you say you wan troway them the gallon?”

“yes na!” I answered.

“ehn Trowey am for here na!”

That was how I flung our precious gallons into a nearby bush.

With “bathroom slippers” on, I hopped into the Air conditioned Tundra truck.


That was the first day I entered a truck save the day I entered a Police truck to school way back school days.

ajumaxbabe:
flow send ur graphics to my mail lemme show dis peeps how to campaign jor

queenblessingellah@yahoo.com

Still u flow

Thanks for volunteering. Check your mail any moment.

Dear readers,
In this my month of birth, my birthday wish is to win Mr Nairaland 2015.
Abeg make una help me make e happen.

Still I flow

Rounakid:
Gud work mr flow1759 am a die-hard fan of u...

Thanks for being a die hard fan.

As a die hard fan, I need you to campaign for me to win Mr Nairaland 2015. ejor!!!!

ajumaxbabe:
hw will i campaign 4 u?

Start by changing your signature to words of campaign(that is if you are comfortable with that). Then you post a campaign sentence on every thread you have a lot of fan base. Thank you.


Everybody Sai flow!

May 30th.


“mehn Man I go miss you oh!” I actually would miss the “money” part of him; I mean his pocket.


“when we get another holiday I go come!”

“and come with plenty money oh!” I almost said.

“Flow think of that thing wey I tell you oh!”

“I go think of am com give you response!!” I promised.


“No worry if him no think of am! I go help am think of am!” Snow had severally told me to heed to Man’s advise to do drugs and guns.

“see your big head wey you go take think for me!” I cursed Snow.


“wetin I know be say your head big pass my own”

“my head! You wey your head na two of my head” I said.

There was no gainsaying that my head was a hundred times bigger than that of Snow, then why the argument? Our was it because we were drinking Vodka?




“but no vex oh Man! Why we dey drink this early morning!” I needed to know for my kidney’s sake.

“because anytime wey I wan travel I dey like to high well well!” He answered.

“that one no good na” I said, “that one na drinking and driving!”

“Flow!! Which one be drinking and driving again” Snow said, “shey na him be driver?”

“ok oh! Na true oh! But that one no mean say him go dey drink any how na!” The Vodka had stolen my thinking faculty.

“I dey like drink when I dey travel because I no fit use clear eye to see as road far” Man said, “and person go dey sleep-sleep!”

True to it, I was sure I would adopt the “drinking and driving” pattern of traveling when next I travelled.



“Man that day wey you go carry A’shawo you make us fear oh!” I flashed back, “we think say them the A’shawo don kill you for bed”

“Hahahahahahaha! How them go kill me? Abi na me go even kill them” Man said, “as I tell una say I dey go sleep with them the second time, I follow Backyard go stay for junction dey wait for una!”

“hahahahahahahaha! But Man you make Flow fear oh!” Snow said, “Him think say you don die oh!”

“na only me fear? You you no fear?”

“I fear na! but na you fear pass!” Snow said, “sotey tears begin comot for your eyes”

“naso I take love my friend reach na!” I boasted.






We had drank to the point that tears of Vodka gathered in my eyes.

“Flow why you dey cry?” I knew he would ask.

“Snow I no dey cry, water just dey my eyes!” I rubbed it off.





“Man this one wey you wan travel nahim one of our friend Junior dey come back from Lagos!” I Said.

“wetin him go Lagos go do?”

“him go do POP work!” Snow said.

“which one be POP?” Man asked, “Him be Doctor?”

“shey na Doctor dey do POP job?”

“yes na! No be Doctor dey tie person Bandage for Leg?” Man answered, “abi no be POP be that thing wey them dey tie for person leg when the person break leg?”

“Mr man! No be that kin POP, na POP wey them dey put to ceiling!”

“ceiling? Wetin be ceiling?” Like our Man was “highly high!”

“ceiling na! up of house!” Snow said; “up of house!” but he was pointing at his chest, when had his chest become ceiling? Maybe he meant ceiling board, because it was flat.

“you no know ceiling?” Our dear Snow was talking like an Eskimo.




“so when the guy dey come?” Man asked.

“him don dey come” I answered, “him dey road now!”

“mehn I for like to see the guy oh! But my sister say make I meet her for Awka today!” Man said.

“ok! Na that your sister that year?” I remembered her.

“yes na! she go marry this year December!” Man answered.

My crush lost.





“so where una say I go enter motor wey dey go Awka!”

“Ok!! make we enter motor wey dey go Waterlines”



Our position was just a stone throw from Rumuola, so we just walked down.


“Garison! Waterline! Garison Waterlines!” One taxi man shouted.

“How much?” Like I had forgotten the fare.

“Waterlines 50 Naira, Garison 100 Naira!” The driver replied.

“how? Why? Where?” I asked.

“you dey ask me question? You no see say motor no dey?”

“oboy motor dey, you just increase your own price!” I attacked.

“ok na! abi you see all this people wey stand there?” The driver pointed, “them dey wait for motor, them don stand there since morning. Go stand with them, make all of una dey for standing committee!”

“ehhn! We don hear we go join standing committee!” I declared.


“We no dey join any standing committee, make we enter, I go pay!” Man proposed.




Before I could say “Vote flow1759 for Mr Nairaland 2015!!” The taxi was filled.

“oga abeg enter another motor, na me and them this guys dey go!” I was chasing a moving Taxi.

“wey you dey do like woman, how I no go chance you enter!” Like that guy had Lagos origin; he was so swift.


“oga abeg na!” I pleaded.

“oga abeg help am na! him follow them him friends!” The driver stopped and pleaded.

“driver na because of you oh!” The man said, “if no be you, I for no come down for this lazy boy oh!”

“ehn! We don hear! Just come down! na your papa be lazy boy” I nearly said.

A good Samaritan he was indeed. Good Samaritan with very bad breathe!








The journey to Waterlines began.

At first the cab was slow and steady, then it was neck break all of a sudden.

“Driver slow down oooooooooooh!” I yelled, “we no wan die oh!”

“but I no dey drive fast na, na inside hold up we dey na!” The Driver said.

“ehhn even if na hold up, still slow down abeg!” I yelled, “we no wan die oooh!”

“who no wan die?” Man said, “me I wan die oh!”

“you say you wan die?” I was shocked.

“yes oh! In fact I be dead body already!” A b'utt faced guy that sat in between I and Man adjusted in fear.

Man never seizes to scare me. A bloody Babalawo he was. Once a Babalawo! Always a Babalawo!!






The cab was still moving neck break; at least to me even though not to other passengers.

“driver we dey stop for Waterlines oh!! Stop us!!” I said.

“we don pass Waterlines na! Na Garison be this na” He replied.

“no be Waterlines be this so? Driver you drink?” When i and my friends were the s'tunk drunk.

“oga we don pass Waterlines jor!!” The b’utt faced guy couldn’t mind his business, and I guessed his business was packing p’oo because he smelled of p’oo.

“eeeeheneen! I no put your mouth oh!”



All this while Snow was silent at the front, I never knew he caused it all.


“But na this your guy wey dey front nahim tell me say make I dey go say una no dey stop for Waterline, say una dey stop for Garison”


“Snow na wetin you tell am?” I was shocked.

“Me? Tell am?”

“no be you tell me?”

“me? Wetin I tell you be say we wan stop for Garison wey dey for Waterlines!” Snow nailed it.




And we trekked back.

highbeetohbadt:
frm man wey dey reason to ibo boy wey like yoruba and nw flow and snow, flow i won't lie 2 u av been a silent reader but couldn't help lol, nd i feel if i don't comment its a grievous sin or so i tot, am using this moment 2 commend u on a great work done, as ur funny literature make other ppl happy and increase der life span so shall God give u long lyf also, let's say u will live for 1759 yrs e go do u nw or so i tot, more power to ur elbow and i wish u good luck or lemme sai buhari on ur forthcoming election of mr nairaland #still u flow

I Thank you all for your support.

About living till am 1759, I no want oh, that one too much oh.

I am sorry i did'nt update yesterday

princesssusan:
How is it done? I tot it‘s jst votn stuff n daz all.
Anyway ansa me jareh

u vote for the contestant of your choice in a thread that would be opened in the romance section and also on front page.

cho25bc:
I've sent you a mail. I'll suggest that a thread that will be strictly about u n ur fans shud be created,den we can appeal to d mods 2 help move it 2 fp. Pls reply ASAP.tnx

Will the mods allow that?

CC ishilove

Dear readers,
Campaign for Mr Nairaland has started https://www.nairaland.com/2358230/mr-nairaland-contest-2015-campaign. Inasmuch as i know you all will vote for me, i would love you to campaign for me in other sections that you have fan base.

Abeg una!

This is my campaign slogan: Everybody sai flow!!

Thanks as you help to make this come to actualization.

princesssusan:
Sai flow baba!
I tink nah Man made dt statement

No be by saying sai flow baba oh. Go and campaign for me. https://www.nairaland.com/flow1759

cho25bc:
I've replied ur mail.

Campaign don start oh....... No dulling. https://www.nairaland.com/mentions

I need more Volunteers for my campaign team oh.

Time don dey go oh.

Campaign would soon kick off.

I gat win MR Nairaland 2015, But i can't do that without all of you.

Make una come make we discuss how i go take win.

Sai Flow!!

cho25bc:
;DLol.so conji na disease?anyway nice one.
Btw,I've replied ur mail.thanx 4 d compliment tho

You are highly welcome.

If you don't mind let the campaign kick off tomorrow.

“Snow mehn Man don tay for inside na!” I said, “it’s getting late na!”


“Him go soon come out, maybe him wan go extra round” Extra round ko! Technical Knockout ni!

“how you go take know weda na extra round him go, you dey there with am?”

“I no dey there with am, but I know say na because say him wan go extra round nahim make him waste time!”

“over sabi! sabi sabi!”




We waited and waited, yet there was no Man in sight.

“abi this guy don lost inside T’oto?”

“abi them don use am for money ritual?”

“abi them the a’shawo don wayah am sotey him no know road to come out again?” I asked myself all these questions.

“guy if we wait for Man for the next 10 minutes and him no come out, I go dey go house leave you here!” I promised.

“no be your friend? How you go go house leave your friend?” Snow said.

“and him number dey switch off”



Just then Nkume walked pass.

“Nkume! Abeg no vex,we dey look for that our friend! That one wey pay for the drink na!”

“I no see am oh!” Nkume answered, “wetin him do? Him thief?”

“your own na only people wey thief you dey see!”

“you no see the guy when him dey enter that room wey A’shawo them dey dey?” Snow asked.

“ooooook! I see am wey him dey enter room with three girls!” Nkume said.

“ehnnnn! Which room?” I asked.

“I no com know the room number of the room wey him enter oh!”




“oooooh God! This drink wey I drink dey turn my eye oh! I no fit stand well!” I was virtually flying.



Suddenly……….


“guy On your torch! I no dey see well again” But other people walking was seeing clearly. When had 1759 turned sight thief?

“me sef oh!” Like the darkness hovering covered not only my eyes, but Snow’s too.

“On torch na!” I yelled, “I no dey see road well!”

“give me the torch!” I grabbed his phone from him.



“Flow make we enter inside go look for Man” Snow suggested.

With one deemed light from a phone two blind men went in search of their lost friend.



In no time, we were at A’showo group of company limited hall.



“na me una dey find?”----- No we no dey find you, we dey find our friend Man.

“collect me for free!”----- I no dey like free things.

“Mama Dee is Delicious!”----- A woman old enough to be my mother.

“you like this thing?”--------- Yes oh I like am, e big no be small.

“why them this Mumu dey carry torchlight?” --------------------------- We dey find Gold.




“Aunty we dey look for one of our friend?” Snow said to one lady that was far from being his Aunty.

“which of your friend?”

“ehn! Him no too tall, him black!”

“eeeeeeheeeeeh!! Here be like Police Station wey them dey look for person?” She said.

“no vex na we no talk say here na Police Station, we just dey look for one of our friend wey carry A’shawo enter room!”


“ehnnnnn! That una friend wetin be him name?” She asked.

“Ehnnnn! Flow wetin be him name?” Snow asked a Flow that was carried away by the hot legs and fat a'sses he saw around.

“ok! Him name na Man!” I said, “Man wey dey reason!"

“you say?”

“I say him name na Man!”

“which kin name be that?” She was vexed, “na the name wey him Mama give am be that?”

I had totally forgotten Man’s real name.



“see make I tell una, if una no Vamoose for here I go call Police for una!”

“Police for inside A’shawo place? Who and who the Police go dey arrest!” I asked myself.



Soon I and Brother Snow stood outside the A’showa jurisdiction thinking of what next to do.

“how we go do this thing now! And Man no know road come house!”

“why will he want to sleep in a P’rostitute House without my consent?” Like i was his father.

“Flow that one wey you dey speak na Grammar” Snow said, “make we think of how we go go inside there go bring Man comot!” I noticed Alcohol really disturbed him.



“Guy rain don dey fall, make we dey go house”

“Make we dey small, rain no go melt us, we no be salt na!”

“wetin dey do you for head?” I yelled, “I dey tell you say rain don dey fall you dey talk say we no be salt”


“guy! You be wicked friend oh! your friend find you come from Anambra State and you wan leave am for A’shawo house go sleep! E no good oh!”

“wetin no good?”

“abeg make we dey go house jor!”


Immediately we took one step out of where we stood, the rain stopped instantly.

“Snow you be Mumu oh, rain no dey fall, why you com talk say rain dey fall?”

“Na me talk am, no be you talk am!”

“Na A/C water dey drop for our head you com say na rain dey fall!”

“no be me talk say rain dey fall, na you!”

Well, it rained; but on us alone, at least we were wet.






“Man fit don die oh!”





“Maybe them the girls kill am for bed com flush him body for toilet!” Like Man was poo.





“Why Man go die like this?”



“On top woman? God forbid!!”




“But why! Man why!”



“you no tell me say na like this you go go?”


And tears came rolling down my chick.


“Flow why you dey cry na?”……………………………………………………….





Fill in the blank space, like they say in English Examination. Who said that?

“Flow Ashanti place no dey here?” Man asked the following morning.

“which one be Ashanti again” I thought he needed us to head to Ghana.

“so you no know where them dey call Ashanti?”

“No I no know, tell me!”

“A’shawo place na!” I was Shocked.

“ok A’shawo! You dey find A’shawo?”

“yes na, wey person go take cure himself!” Like he was ever sick.


“ok! You sef dey go that area?” Snow asked.

“me? but Snow you know say I no dey go that area na, I’m not down with that s’hit meahn!”

“which s’hit? who dey talk to you? Who ask you? Na Man I dey ask jor!” Snow said.


“wetin you mean sef Snow! You wan carry my friend go A’shawo place?”

“no be him ask?”

“and so what, does that mean……………..”

“Flow! You no be Papa oh! I have the right to go to wherever I want to go to” Man cut.

“I hear you Man, but something wey I no dey chop, my visitor no go chop am”





To Golderg A’shawo house Limited we headed the next day which was their A'shawo day.


“una two go enter inside go see them the A’shawo, me I go dey for the bar dey drink beer” I declared.

“me sef no go enter, I go just show Man the place, then I go come back come stay with you for bar dey drink!” Snow said.

“see your life! You dey carry person go show A’shawo house, but you no wan join am shake the A’shawo bush” I said to Snow.

“but you you know say I no dey sleep with A’shawo again, I just be their friend.


Snow had told me of an A’shawo by name Kehinde that fell in love with him way back then when he always patronized P’rostitutes.

He said Kehinde loved not only his “magic stick”, she loved everything about Snow; bodily though. He said Kehinde was so madly in love with him that she left Goldberg and started staying with him. And that was in era when Snow was as poor as a church rat.

Snow said, Kehinde was his helper financially, but he paid back in bed. And I mean he paid back handsomely.

Snow said where the love went bitter was when Kehinde demanded he “shined her Congo” morning-afternoon-night; and in between sometimes.

According to him, his eyes suddenly turned Blue in colour as a result of excess discharge of s’emen, his lips grew ticker as a result of excessive kissing, his "pee-pee" grew shorter as a result of countless insertion into "lake Chad".



“so Flow you no wan one A’shawo?” Man offered.

“I think I need beer and not A’shawo” I replied.

“how many bottles of beer you fit drink sef!” Man challenged.

Had he forgotten he spoke to the brewery himself?

“how many bottles you wan give me?”

“Five go dey Ok?”

“ehn! Make we start with Five-Five na” I said, “abi Snow how you see am?”

“naso Flow Nwanne!” Snow replied.


“Bar man!!” Man called.

And behold it was the World famous Nkume that answered.

“give them Five-Five bottles of any brand wey them dey drink” Man said, “take your money!”

“but before you go serve them, serve me one small Alomo make I drink, I get work to do” He smiled.



Man gulped down the Alomo Nkume brought straight without winking an eye.

“Snow come go show me where them the A’shawo dey, I want sleep with three of them at the same time”



After Snow and Man had left, Nkume came to whisper to my ears; “brother!! Make una buy me one bottle na!”

“ooooh! Na now I don become your brother abi? The other day wey our money lost you go report us for una oga say we drink we no wan pay”

“no be so na! I was only doing my job”

I guess wickedness was part of his job.

“ok, no worry, I go buy you, make my brother come lemme discuss it with him” Like what Nkume asked for was a 100 million naira road construction project.






Snow returned smiling.

“Guy why you dey smile na!”

“mehn that your guy carry three girls at the same time oh”

“ehnnn! You mean am?”

“yes na! if you see as them the girls fat com get big nyash ehn!”

“mehn make them no kill am oh!” I feared, “if them kill am for bed, I don run leave una two be that oh”

“oboy! Now-now, now-now! You don finish two bottles” Snow said.



“ehen! I forget to tell you, Nkume say make we buy am one bottle of beer” I informed him.

“that wicked boy!”

“see ehn! Two wrongs don’t make a right, let's buy him a bottle, after all we are not the one paying!”

“Nkume! Nkume!!” Snow called.

Then came Nkume with a smile that read; ”forgive me my sins”


“you say make we buy you beer abi?”

“yeees!” He answered with shyness written all over his face.


“shey the money wey that my guy give you complete for 10 bottles abi”

“Yes… No!”

“which one be Yes…No?”

“No! I go give am change 100 naira!” Nkume said.


“Nkume you be thief oh, so you wan die our change abi?”

“No oh!”

“Ok, as you hold our 100 naira change, I get 200 naira with me, take, add am to the 100 naira, buy yourself one bottle of beer make you take am cool your temper!” Snow said.

Nkume was “glader” than “Gladys” as he kicked air like a 2 year old.


“so na one bottle of beer wey we buy for am nahim make Nkume dey happy like this?”

“do you know if he lied about the change, maybe our change was more than 100 naira” I had started speaking Queen's English on the third bottle, and I was sure I would speak French on the fourth.


From nowhere, I saw someone strange sat close to me.

“who be this?” I asked.

“na me Man!”

“Flow! So you no recognize Man again”

“Man!” I was Longsighted.

Or had the t’hreesome changed his look?

“oboy those girls wan kill me oh!” He said.

“thank God say them no kill you oh!”

“You enjoy them?” Snow asked.

“enjoy! I enjoy them no be small!”

“e be like say I go go back oh!” I thought he had lost his senses.

“go back? You wey just finish n'ack three A’shawo, you wan still go back!!”

“yes oh, I wan go back!” He made up his mind.

As he stood, I swiftly grabbed his hand saying; “if you decide say you wan go die, pay for one more bottle of beer and two plates of Isiewu for us!”




And we almost lost Man.

cho25bc:
I've not seen ur reply Mr flow

Sorry i was kind of busy yesterday, i will send them today.

princesssusan:
Oga flow weldone o

Thank you

“Man wey reason! Welcome to my Akoh oh” I welcomed the now chubby Man wey dey reason to my house on 23rd May.

“oboy you don fat oh, see your belle!”

“hahahaha! Na evidence of good living na” Man’s voice was based too.

“which kin evidence of good living for student!” I said, “Student dey live well?"

“yes oh some student like us dey live well oh!”

“oboy you sure say you never start yahoo-yahoo for school?” I needed to know
.
“me? Yahoo-yahoo, I no sabi use computer na”

“so wetin come be the thing wey dey give you money? See as you dey smell fresh!” When he smelled A'boki perfume. Surely an A'boki will never leave putting on Northern Cologne even if he be rich.

“mehn na God oh!” I hate it when people say that, before na Satan e go be?

“So God just dey throw money for you from heaven when you no dey do anything?”

“no na I dey do something na!”

“then tell me the thing na!” I was becoming impatient.

“when we reach there you go know!” The Legendary Cliche had not leave Man.

“reach were!!!” I was furious.

“when we reach bar you go know!”

“bar as how? You wan carry me go drink?” I asked.

“Yes na!” That news gladdened my heart.










I and Man hit Goldberg Hotel, but we were later joined by Snow Nwanne.

“Man na that my brother wey I dey tell you of be this!”

“Snow Nwanne na that my guy wey I tell you say him name na Man be this” I did the introduction.

Snow eyeballed Man for a while and said; “ok na the guy wey you tell me say be Babalawo like Padiman abi?”

“hahahaha! That was then, I am a new creature now!”

Can Man ever be a new creature? I asked myself a hundred times, and a hundred times I heard an answer “No”.




“Man I dey happy for you say you no dey do Babalawo again oh” I almost knelt down praising God.

“but you still dey smoke Igboh?” I asked.

“yes oh! Old Soldier never die!!” Indeed, he was not only an old soldier, he was a General.

“what of you?” He asked.

“Me?” I said, “I don stop since na”

“Flow! Flow!” Man hailed

“Omoh that’s whats up oh! That thing no get pay!”

“As you don stop to smoke igboh that mean say you no go fit do this business wey I dey do wey dey give me money!”

“which kin business wey go need person wey dey smoke igboh?” I was shocked, “abi na armed robbery business?”

Is armed robbery really a business?


“God forbid bad thing! How I go dey do armed robbery!”

“then wetin be the business na?” I asked, “wetin be the business wey dey make you chop up like this?”

Man looked to see Snow wasn’t paying attention to what we were discussing as he faced the TV, but deep down I knew Snow’s Big ears couldn’t fail him to hearing even if a pin fell in that noisy bar.





“Guy I dey sell Groudnut!” He announced.

“which kin play be that?” I raised my voice, “Shey na play I dey play? I dey ask you serious question you dey dey tell me say you dey sell groundnut”

“Flow! You sabi jonz oh! abi na this drink wey you don drink?” Man said, “no be that kin Groundnut I dey talk”

“which kin groundnut? Shey you don dey deal on Guguru and Ekpa?”

“which one be Guguru and Ekpa again?” He replied, “I no dey deal on any Guguru and Ekpa, I dey deal on groundnut”

“ehnnn! Which kin groundnut na?” He was really getting my brain worked.




“Flow listen ehn, This thing wey I wan tell you so nahim make me come Port Harcourt come see you”

“I know say you be sharp Barrack boy” I nodded to the appraisal.

“so nahim make I say make I come reason you this thing”

“The groundnut wey I mean be say I dey sell gun and bullet to people wey need am”



“ehn!! You say wetin?”

“I say I dey sell gun and bullet and I wan even start to dey deal on Crane!”

“eheeen! how that one come take concern me?” I asked, “and wetin be crane?”

I would had said he was combining a lucrative legit business with a bad business had he told me that he was into hiring cranes used in building sky scrappers.

“crane na that thing wey them dey put for Nose na!” He was gesturing something I interpreted as Snuffs.

“Snuff abi?” I said.

“no, no be Snuff, Na Cocoa!” Our Man was getting me more confused.

“oooooh! you mean Cocoa wey them dey use do Chocolate?” I said, “Go Yoruba land na! e plenty there!”


“Flow! Why you no dey understand slang sef!”

“I mean say I dey sell gun and bullet, and I wan start to deal on Coke!”



“ehn! Ok! Guy I support make you start Coke business but I no support you to start gun and bullet business at all!” I was so high; high above the skies.

“so make we talk of the Coke Business, how you go take dey sell the Coke? You go be dealer or so go dey sell retail?” I needed to know his specialty.


“hahahahahahahahahaahaha!! Flow! You no go kill person oh!” I wondered what was funny that made him laughed.

“Hahahahahaha! I no mean Coke wey them dey drink, I mean C’ocaine”

“hahahahahahahahaha!” I laughed.

“why you dey laugh?” He asked.

“guy I dey laugh because you no get plan for your life at all, you first tell me say you wan sell Groundnut, then Crane, then Cocoa, and Now na Cool cain you wan sell, hahahahahahaha!”

“which kin of Cool cain you wan sell? Shey na Koboko or na water Cain? Hahahahahahahaha!”


“Flow! I no talk say Cool Cain, I talk say C’ocaine” That was indeed a shocker.




“oboy! Choi! You wan dey deal on C’ocaine?” I whispered and the “pretending not to be paying attention Snow” turned.




“Listen Flow, I see you as Barrack boy wey get mind to move guns from Barrack come sell for Civilians wey wan buy”

“see ehn! Na wetin I dey do wey dey give me plenty money, if you see how much wey dey my account ehn!” Man narrated.

“but who I go dey collect the guns from for Barracks na?”

Just then, I remembered Sir White, rumour had it then that he was into guns.

“guy you no be small pekin na, see ehn me if I enter all the Barracks wey dey North, I get Soldiers wey dey sell gun for me!”



Man that was sent to school to study Mechanical Engineering!


The life of a man!

Skykid1208:
Oga Flow your story na die.
Thumbs up.






I go like join your campaign team.

Thank you for making out time to read. God bless.

I Have Pmed you. Reply