₦airaland Forum

"ehn, we will call you by ur real names for the purpose of this assignment, so ur name is Brother Ugo, while u will be known as Brother Chinonso" Pkc was reffering to I and Man. That was my first day of hearing Man's real name. Chinonso!! What an innocent name for a s'turborn boy.

"Brother Chinonso you will be going with Pkc, while Brother Ugo will be with me" MOG said. "u guys will be going to South Africa while we will be going to Umunkoto" Pkc added.

After about 10minutes of walking, we pathed. So Pkc and Man or rather Brother Chinonso were to preach in hostels at Umunkoto, while MOG and Brother Ugo was to preach in some hostels at South Africa. The dreaded South Africa.

The name South Africa could not be likened to the Southern African Nation where Nelson Mandela hails. Only God knows how the name came to be. But one thing i knew about South Africa was that; as "Bishop's cot" was to IMSU, so was South Africa to Poly Nekede. They were both home for cultist. Or better still "cultist paradise".

We entered a hostel, and i knocked at the first room by the left. A female voice responded and told us to come in. I thanked my stars it wasn't a male room, because i was scared of South African boys.

We met four ladies inside. The ladies were all 1/2 n''aked, one of them was putting on a b'ombshot that if i said she was 3/4 n''aked, i would be saying nothing but the truth. As MOG preached to them, i listened keenly because maybe i might be the next to preach, just maybe.

I tried to look away from the fresh l'aps the ladies were exposing to me, but the more i tried to resist temptation, the more temptation stares me in the face. I looked left, "fresh l'aps", i looked right, "fresh l'aps". So i looked up.

"Devil get behind me" i was praying in my mind, with my eyes still up. The "devils" didn't get behind me but was still in front of me with their fresh l'aps glowing to my eyes. Oh!! How i wished my "Chairman" would respect himself, how i wished it wouldn't respond to stimuli.

It responded to stimuli and stood at attention, forming an Atlas mountain that Everyone in the room could see. Woe betide me if any of the Ladies saw my Chairman at attention, so in other to cover it from them, i made use of my Bible. I opened my Bible, placed it on top of my Chairman and pretended i was studying the word of God. Lord have mercy on Brother Ugo, Have mercy.

Was MOG not a man with Chairman like me? Wasn't he seeing the fresh l'aps? When a Man becomes a Pastor, his S'exual urge dies, or so i tot


MOG finished preaching and it was time to go, yet my Chairman refused to go down.


"lemme go ease myself outside" I said, and I stood up, hurriedly made for the door, within split seconds, i was outside. Never to return.

That was my "Good" experience as a temporary Pastor. What awaited me was the "Bad" and the "Worwor" experience.

sherifat raji: Flow I dey gbadun ur tori die, I must say u are a very talented writer. I've been a silent follower all dis while. Guy u too much. Kip it up n kip on flowing!!! Cos we are enjoying u

my female fans are increasing by the day. My e-wives beware!

[quote author=Barnabas_Co]PassiOn Of christ»»Hapi gOOd friday!... By the way make una no chop meat,remember say na today dem kpuf Jesus [/quote]Mama Barnabas: Barnabas don thief all my meat for pot oh. Barnabas!! Where dis boy? Who chop all the meat for pot?
Barnabas: Mama i no chop any meat oh, i go troway all the meat for pot because today na Good Friday and dem tell us for church make we no eat meat

chingy74: pastor flow, api easter in advance

chingy74, happy E* in advance to you too

"Flow wetin make u dey waka like dis na?" Bigie asked as i came to join them seating under the Mango tree the next day after church. "i hit my leg for stone as i dey waka" i lied.

We were discussing football, from football we started discussing women. Man was narrating to us how he slept with a traditional ruler's daughter in the North, and how he almost lost his hands to Sharia because of that singular act. He said, "mehn!! i enjoy the f''uck wey i f''uck the girl no be small, Northern girls dey sweat oh".

All of a sudden Pkc and MOG appeared in front of us like two angels. I never saw them coming

"i say i enjoy the f''uck no be small" Man was still shouting at the top of his voice. He was carried away by the f''uck story he was narrating that he barely saw PKC and MOG. I tapped him lightly, and on noticing their presence, the f''uck story changed to another story.

"i say i enjoy the church no be small, i enjoy the church today no be small, abi Flow u no enjoy the church today?" Man wey dey reason!! Always trying to cover up his sins. "i enjoy am na" I helped him out. It was of no use because PKC and MOG already heard his f''uck story.

"Man wey dey reason!! Must u cover up ur sins?" Pkc said, "all have sinned and come short of the Glory of God, but must you sin such sin?" MOG added. "pls change ur ways oh" Pkc said.

"ok Man, u will join us to preach the Gospel in Hostels" Pkc said, "and Flow will also join us, because we need two persons, one person will go with Pkc and the other person will go with me" MOG added.


But why always me? "abi my name dey sweat for mouth to talk? E be like say i go change my name oh" i tot.


"it is a mandate from our Pastor to go win the souls of students to Christ, and also invite them to Church" Pkc informed, "we have selected u guys as our Brethen to join us in this Divine mandate" MOG added. "ok, lets go sir" Man found his lost voice. "no, u guys can't go dis way, u have to go inside and change into something more decent" MOG said.

As I and Man reluctantly left to change, i heard Pkc said, "change into a decent cloth, and make sure you tuck in ur shirt".


"ordinary to follow una go preach nahim i go dey tuck in, shey i be Pastor?" i tot.

I never knew that was the day i would be ordained as a temporary Pastor.


I never knew i would see the good, the bad, and the "worwor".

Ezeebube2: Baba Flow, its true that ur story is a joy to read, but me i no go comment again because u always ignore my compliments. If i try am again, mk i n.aked baff 4 my bathroom.

make una help me beg Ezeebube oh! Na my oga at the top make me never reply ur comment oh. Nwanne biko eweliwe.

vision2050: sleepless night because of flow. Your email make i send you small recharge card(easter gift).
Walk and neva stumble

aaaaaah!! Am short of words. See person dey get sleepless night because of me oh. I don become superstar oh. Or so i tot.

Fishoy: Been readin on alow key since bt i cnt hlp typin dis time....kai u too much jare

thanks a million.

As we got to the gate of our compound, i saw Tupac, "Tupac, i wan finally sell this T-shirt for you oh, how much u go buy am?" i said, "ehn, ehn, i go buy am 1k" he replied. "but i tell u say na 3k i buy am na, u wan com buy am 1k" i said "ehn ehn ok bring the 1k" i said removing the T-shirt instantly.

"Flow!! This one wey u no wear shirt, any wahala?" Snoop asked as we entered the room. "no wahala oh, heat dey catch me" i told a lie.

"hello!! Flow" A female voice greeted me, i turned and saw Lydia, Lydia the t'omboy. "hi!!" i responded to her greeting. She was so "skinny" that i never noticed her presence initially. "this one wey dis Tega babe dey greet me like dis ehn? For everybody wey dey dis room, na me she see to greet, make the greeting no mean another thing oh" i tot.


"Lydia will cook Egusi soup for us" Pkc said after few minutes, "no problem" Lydia replied, "and if u need assistance, Flow will always be handy" Pkc told Lydia. "but why me na?" i tot. Since Pkc brought me to that house, his wish was my command.

I and Lydia was in the kitchen.

She was doing the actual cooking while i was helping out with some chores like; slicing the vegetable, and choping the onion.

If i must say, Lydia was a good cook, because she cooked with so much dexterity.

From time to time, she stared at me giving me a bright smile. I smiled back anyways.

I never knew her smile would result to us not eating the Egusi soup she was cooking. Egusi soup that had already created a cloud of Aroma in the room and beyond.

The soup was still cooking, it was almost done. So i was pouring water into the big pot we used to boil water for Eba.

I bent down pouring the water with my a'ss facing Lydia, i couldn't tell what attracted her to my a'ss.

She came close and f'ondled my a'ss.

Mehn!! She scared the living daylight off me. I tot a rat was walking on my a'ss.

I jumped up dancing "Micheal Jackson break dance", and mistakenly my right leg landed into the hot soup.

Not only that, the pot of soup poured on the floor.


Not only that, Brainbox came from nowhere, he picked up almost all the pieces of meat and ran.

I cried bitterly, not because Brainbox took all the meat, but because my right leg was in pain.

bumzel89: Nice one flow. I registered jes to say, "thumbs up bro". Kip it up.

thanks, more laugh ahead, keep ur fingers crossed. Make una no vex say i never update since, i busy.

I put on my red T-shirt that had the picture of Tupac Amaru Shakur in front, and at the back was written: "picture me rolling".

The same T-shirt Tupac had pleaded for me to sell to him and i refused because i loved it so much.

If only i knew my love for that T-shirt would soon turn hate, i wouldn't have worn it.

Ekonunwa market lies in the heart of the capital of the "eastern heartland". One thing i liked about the market was that; it was a combined market, where you could get foodstuff, fruits, cosmetics, clothes, phones and the likes. But what i never liked about the market was that; it was too crowded, and also mad men and women could be found roaming.

We had finished the herculean task of purchasing all the things we wrote down, when, "Flow we never buy meat, wait here dey watch all dis things make i go buy meat come" Brainbox said and walked away.

Was he on a L101 mission to steal meat? He dared not, unless he wanted the butchers to cut off his hands and sold it alongside beef.

I was standing on my own "JeJely", minding my business and watching over our purchase. When from nowhere a wierd looking m'ad man came walking to my direction. As he came walking hastily towards me, i felt like running because i never liked a m'ad person coming close to me.

"how i go run leave all this things wey we buy" i tot.

He came closer and closer.

The odour that emanated from him was a combination of rotten egg and s'kunk. He came even closer, as i could hear he was muttering something.


And he hugged me.


For the 10seconds or so the hug lasted, i closed my eyes and saw myself in outer space. The market women around were laughing their f'at a'sses out, making me almost cry.

The m'ad man let go of me after saying "my brother!!". "who be ur brother? God forbid!! no be me be ur brother" i tot. He danced a funny dance and left.

I had concluded i would sell the T-shirt i wore to Tupac because the m'ad man left an indelible odour on it.

The market women continued laughing like i was some "stand up comedian" entertaining them with jokes. At that moment, i felt like walking up to them and giving them a dirty slap each.

30minutes after the "m'ad man palaver" Brainbox came saying, "no vex say i waste time oh, i buy tomatoes and them grind am for me, nahim make me waste time".

"no wahala, make we dey go house" i replied.

I just wished i could disappear from the market and appear at home.

Saturday came like every other day.


"Flow lead us in prayer" Pkc said during morning devotion.


"Lord thank You for our lives, thank You for the good things You have done for us, thank You for our daily bread, yes, we know we are sinners, have mercy on us and deliver us from evil, in Jesus name............ Amen" i said a short and sharp prayer.


"i told u guys that we will be going to the market to buy some foodstuff, and 2days ago i mentioned that we will be contributing 1000naira each. Here is mine" Pkc said stamping a 1000naira note on the floor.


I also stamped mine, Brainbox brought out his own 1000naira and dropped it, Man did the same, so did Tega and Snoop. But when it was time for Baba jay to bring out his own contribution, the story changed, "ehnnn, una know say i no dey do any work, and i get so many problem wey i need to settle for sch, make una help me abeg, i know say una dey try for me" Baba jay said wearing a "pity" face. "Baba jay nobody wey no get problem for sch oh, i no come here come feed person oh" Brainbox said.


"shebi i don tell u before make u follow me go do kponkpon, u say u be Old man and u no get strength to do that kin work, make i tell u, e get one guy wey dey do kponkpon with us him name na Igbakwambo, the guy go senior u by far, d guy get two pekin sef" Man said. "pls forget about Baba jay, we are his Brothers to help him no matter the situation" Pkc said.


"now, the two persons that will go to buy the things in the market are Flow and Brainbox" Pkc said.


My Oh my!! Flow and Brainbox that blends together like Bread and butter.


My prayer was that Brainbox shouldn't try L102 in Ekonunwa market. Or else?

Blue diamond: Flow ,no worry.ur lies go soon get award,i hear say grammy want begin giv award 4 d best liar of d year.congrats coz u r nominated.

i no fit win the award, i go come second after GEJ, because na him lie pass. All d things wey talk say him go do, him don do any one?

After a hard day's kponkpon, the thought of Paapa's place comes to mind.


"make we go take igboh na" Man suggested. "mehn na true oh, e don tay wey i shark igboh oh, since two days now" I replied.


I, Man, Snoop and Tupac were off to Paapa's place.

"Tupac, what of Bigie na, i never see am since today, where him go?" Man asked, "him travel go him village dis morning, but him go come back tomorrow" Tupac responded.


We were puffing, puffing to forget our sorrows, puffing to forget our pains, puffing to bring joy into our lives.


"una know say, i fit become the president of Nigeria?" I suddenly said.

"hahahahahaha!! No dey make me laugh jor, how u wan take be President? who u be? Who u know?" Tupac said. "i be Flow, i know Baba God and i go win if i come out for next election" i was'nt sure if i said that or the "igboh in me" said that. "how u think say u go win, u get god father? u get money? Which political party u dey?" Man was asking uncountable questions.

"imagine say i call my party FLOW PEOPLE'S PARTY(FPP), how u see am?" I said, "e go make sense oh, when u dey campaign, u go share igboh for everybody say make dem vote for u, even the Logo of ur party go be picture of igboh" Snoop said.

"And ur Party slogan go be; FLOW PEOPLE'S PARTY!!! IGBOH FOR ALL" Man said causing an atmosphere of laughter.


In a country where dreams never comes through, in a country where the Youths never ascends the throne of power, in a country where corruption is the in thing. A brother is Dreaming to serve his Nation, a brother is promising to flush corruption. If only he would be given a chance. Like the saying goes: "if wishes were horses, even FLOW will ride".

Why i loved Igboh was that, it not only brings out the best in you, it makes you dream big. And it makes you put in your best in whatever you do.

Oh!! How i wish our political office holders were all Igboh smokers, this Nation would have been a better place, because they would put in their best to serve the Nation.

"Man, today work go make sense oh" Brainbox said after we left Mama Calabar canteen the next morning. "ehn e go make sense na, today one of una go serve mason, na me go be the mason" Man informed. "wetin the other person go com dey do?" I inquired curiously.

"when we reach site you go know wetin the other person go dey do" Man said, "but wetin i know be say na today we dey start body work, and i go choose one of una wey go serve me" Man added.

"ehnn today we are starting the body work" Madam Ifeoma said as we sat to listen to her instructions, "since u are five in number, it will be two masons and also two labourers that would serve the masons" Madam Ifeoma said. "and the person left will be in charge of fetching water from that block industry over there" She said pointing to the block industry across the road. "because the water in our tank has finished and our water supplier said their supply vehicle is under repairs that they will not come to supply today but tomorrow" She added.

"so you will have to decide who amongst you will do the fetching, the person will be paid 100naira per drum of water" Madam Ifeoma said.

"Flow will do that ma" Man decided and whatever he decided was final, since he was the Chief Kponkpon officer.

I wasn't happy with his decision, but what was i to do? the "boss" has made the selection. And like they say; "the boss is always right".

I took two 25litres containers and headed straight to the block industry.

In kponkpon work, water is one vital thing, its importance can't be over-emphasized. So, how fast the work for that day would go is dependent on how fast i supplied water.

The block industry was located very close to a bus stop. So i disguised myself by putting on sunglasses and a face cap, so that whoever sees me wouldn't recognise me.

So, with my sunglasses, face cap, and my "elegant" kponkpon attire, i started fetching the water. Not knowing what the nearest future holds.

I had finished fetching one drum. As i crossed the road and walked towards the block industry, "Flow! Flow!!" someone was calling me, it was a female voice.

I initially tot it was another Flow the person was calling and not my Flow, because no female knew i was doing kponkpon.

"Flow!! Flow!!" the voice continued. This time, i was convinced it was my Flow, so i turned.

Lo and behold, i saw Kate catwalking towards me. "so dis is where you work? u are a labourer?" She said as she came close. "ehnn, i am a Civil Engineering student, and am doing my six month IT here" I almost said.

"ehnn, i am the Site Engineer of that site" I found the best lie. A lie i neatly said pointing to our Site. "ok, i came to see one of my male friend, he owns dis block industry" Kate said pointing at the same block industry i was fetching water from. "so na one of ur sugar daddy get dis block industry?" i almost said.

Kate took her time and stood with me for a while asking me some irrevant questions about my job as the Site Engineer, i was simply answering her questions with lies. Big, fat, award winning lies.

From the corner of my left eye, i saw Brainbox standing at the other side of the road. Maybe he wanted to buy something from the nearby shop, so i tot.

"Flow!! We dey wait for you na, water don finish" Brainbox yelled. Kate heard that, she turned and saw Brainbox. "Brainbox don kill me oh!" i tot. I felt like the ground should open up and swallow me.

How could a Site Engineer be fetching water for the site, How?

Ladybianca: av missed u guyz especially flow.....av bn busy lately, aluta stress

Imo star!! Naso imsu been dey stress me dat time, nahim make me spill na

HotNaijaBabe: I laugh..Unu never know say the real Madam at the top no deh make noise...Or so I tot.

which kin madam at the top u be? Madam at the top wey no dey stay her husband house? When last i see u here?

Morley411 how many babes u want?

Baba jay was skillfully displaying butterfly stroke at the "deep" part of the River.

Man was "more" skillfully displaying backstroke at the "deeper" part of the River.

Brainbox was "most" skillfully displaying b'reaststroke at the "deepest" part of the River.

While Mr Flow was "mostest" skillfully displaying "Okpolo" stroke at the shallow end of the River.

In Yoruba language, Okpólò means Frog, and it could be interpreted to mean Awó in Igbo Language.


I was peacefully swimming, or rather taking my bath in the shallow part of the River, when something grabbed my d'ick.


"yeeeeeeeeeh!! Fish don chop my p'rick oh!! make una help me oh!!" I cried out for help.


The Fish never saw the d'ick of Brainbox to eat, it never saw the huge d'ick of Man to feed on, it never saw the d'ick of Baba jay to munch. But it preffered the most precious d'ick of Flow, but why? Or was my d'ick the biggest bait? No, of course. If it wanted the biggest bait, then Man's d'ick was the right choice.

"aaaaaaaaaaaah!! Make una come help me, e don chop my p'rick oooh" i cried. All of a sudden, Brainbox brought his head out of water right in front of me, laughing at me. The others also laughed beyond control.

At that moment, it dawned on me that Brainbox was the Fish that held my d'ick. "Brainbox, which kin play be this na?" I said. "so naso u like ur p'rick reach" He replied still laughing. "oooh, so u no like ur own p'rick?" I said with a frown.


After about 10minutes, Brainbox came again with mischief, this time dragging me to the deep part of the River. "Brainbox abeg na, i no sabi swim, abeg na" I pleaded, "na one day dem dey take learn something" He said still dragging me forcefully. I pleaded, and pleaded, all to no avail.

He took me to a very deep part and left me. Where he left me, the current was moving so fast. I tried my "Okpolo" stroke, but it failed me. The current was so strong that I was gradually flowing with it.


"Flow! Flow!! Flow!!!" my guys were cheering.


"Help!! Make una help!! I don dey die oh, Help!!" I cried for help in my mind, i couldn't speak it out because i had instantly gone d'umb.

The current was gradually pulling my body mass and my friends were laughing. I was dying slowly and my friends were laughing. Otammiri was killing me gradually and my friends were laughing.

"Lord am coming home, take my soul, if this is where my life clock stop, then take my soul, but if my life clock hasn't stopped yet, pls take my hand and save me" I said a quick prayer. I stretched out my right hand in faith that the Lord would grab it and save me.


Just at the nick of time, a hand grabbed my right hand. It was the hand of Brainbox, or rather the hand of God.

I was saved by the bell.

[quote author=Barnabas_Co]Baba Flow,,is that ur real picture on 2go?[/quote]shey fake picture dey? Na me be that na.

"make una enter water na" Baba jay said as he was swimming skillfully in a butterfly stroke.


"Flow, pull ur cloth make we enter water na" Man who was already stark n*aked said to me.

"so we no go wear anything? We go n*aked?" I replied, "before nkor, u see any woman here, everybody wey dey here na Man like u, abi u dey fear water?" Man queried. "how i go fear water, i be small pekin?" i answered a question with a question.


That we were all guys wasn't a cogent reason to bathe stark n*aked. Water creatures could sting our d'ick, you know? So i tot.


As Man removed his clothes, my eyes went to nowhere else but his extra large d'ick. "oboy eeeeeh!! na only u carry dis big thing!" I yelled with my mouth wide open. "u like my p'rick? Na Ak47 oh, any babe wey i catch for bed must beg me before i go free her" Man said. "Man wey dey reason!! Your prick sef dey carry kponkpon" I teased with my mouth still wide open.


Man's d'ick wasn't as huge as a tuber of Cassava, but as huge as a tuber of Yam, infact his name should have been Dickson and not Man.

While the d'ick of Brainbox was an "eyesore". It was so small and unkept that i could barely see the shalf because it was covered by the bushy hairs. It was so unkept that if you call the bushy hairs in it a "tropical rain forest" you wouldn't be far from the truth.


Don't ask me, about mine? Since my d'ick was my most valuable asset, i took care of it how best i could. Although i had not "feed" it for a while now, i knew "food" would soon come. Or so i tot.


Everybody were in water Swimming except Flow, i was pondering how best to dive in. "Flow enter water na, u dey fear?" Brainbox said.

"How i go fear!" i replied

"gbooodoooooom!!" i dived into the River like an Elephant.

Not knowing sorrow was already knocking at my door. But it was left for me to open my door or not to open.

Blue diamond: And still he flows......u b d main man.1 love bro.

i don't want to say I LOVE YOU TOO and my MADAM AT THE TOP(josphine4good) ask me why did i say i Love u?

[quote author=Foxy_Ultimate]All this babes no know as you fine, walai dem for dey come make line for your house.

This is to announce that Flow1759 looks so much like Majid Micheal.... Men... The bobo ko clean gan. (no homo)... Na me know am pass all of una.


Ladies... You guys should pay me to give you hiss BB pin.[/quote]Foxy take am easy oh, make dem my Nairaland wives no divorce me oh.

"Obele how far? Give me indomie and egg, with hot Tea" Man ordered as we got to Obele canteen.

He wasn't talking of Hot Tramadol, but hot cup of Tea.

"Man, for dis kin hot weda you wan drink hot Tea?" I said. "ehen e concern you? No be wetin i wan enjoy with my money i go enjoy?" Man attacked.


"Obele bring the same thing for me" Brainbox ordered after 2minutes.

I had no choice but to say, "Obele me sef want the same thing".

After the meal, we walked home gisting.

"guy if i finish NYSC, i go go my village go contest for councellor" Brainbox informed us. "if person like u become councellor, that means say una people don die finish be that, u go use ur brain chop all their money finish" I said and we laughed at Brainbox. "BRAINBOX!! BRAINBOX the councellor from Mbaise!!" we hailed.

We entered the compound to meet Daniel and David playing football, "Man wey dey reason!! Man wey dey reason!! Man wey dey reason!!" the twins cheered at the top of their voices. "eeeh Children Children!! Make una use dis one buy biscuit chop" Man said offering them a 100naira note. Daniel grabbed the money and ran and David ran after him.


We got to the room to meet an unusual scene. Tega was having a meeting with his Bucanneer Brothers in our room.

"Tega, wetin be dis one na? Na our room be the only place una fit use as una Alora meeting? What of if Pkc come back now, how him go feel?" I said to Tega after i called him outside. "make una no vex abeg, we no go waste time, we dey discuss some important things, abeg make una no vex abeg abeg" Tega pleaded. "na Abeg we go chop? Find us something jor" Man said. "okay make una Manage dis one" Tega said offering us 1000naira. "ehen na now u talk better" Brainbox said smiling. He smiles only when money smiles back at him.

"where other guys go?" I asked Tega.

"PKC go church, Snoop and Bigie dey gamble for dem Bigie room, Baba jay say him wan go swim for Ozommiri river" Tega replied.

"Flow make we go swim na, e don tay wey i swim oh. As we never baf kponkpon comot for our body, we go carry soap and we go baf there" Man suggested. "yes, make we go swim, make i show una say i be fish for water" Brainbox said.

I nodded in aggreement.

What Man and Brainbox never knew was that Flow could flow any other place but not in water.

That their friend Flow could drown even in a gutter filled with water. Not to talk of swiming in a tributary of the dreaded Otammiri river.

At that moment i remembered what was written in a sign post at FUTO, warning students not to swim in the Otammiri tributary. It read: "Wherever you go, Whatever you do. Do not swim in Otammiri River. Many had passed away".

Would Flow join those that had passed away? God forbid!!

donez: Woah,If wat i saw is anytin 2 go by.. Flow get dat kind ''Van Vicker'' type of handsomeness..Ladybianca true or false?

i be handsome bobo na. But if u see me when i dey do kponkpon? Chai kponkpon spoil my skin well well

Francheezy: chai....flowa, u sabi lie ohhhhhhhhh or so i tot

na me dem dey call chief lienus

I managed to slowly finish the second half. At the end SugarBaby Flow scored 82bags for loading and 70bags for offloading, while SugarBaby Man scored 118bags for loading and 130bags for offloading.


We waited for 30minutes before we resumed to "chop" Biscuit.

"unu welldone oh!" Old Solja said as he came to where we were working. "old solja!! Old solja!!" we chorused.


I was mixing the sand and cement and at the same time catching a glimpse of Madam Ifeoma's a*ss from time to time. The sight of her television shaped a*ss gave me more energy to work.


As she turned to instruct Igbakwambo on where he would keep the moulded blocks, i caught an anterior view of her a'ss, and my mouth was ajar.


Someone came to obstruct my view. It was Old solja. He was discussing something with Madam Ifeoma. As i continued to glance within an interval of 1minute to see if Old solja had finished discussing with her so i would continue from where i stopped, i saw something that surprised me.


Old solja's shabby trouser was torn widely revealing his mighty s'crotum. It was as if he had two big ripe mangoes hanging as s'crotum. "see dis old man no dey wear p'ant" i mistakenly muttered. It was as if he heard me.


"Wetin u talk Flowa?" Old solja suddenly turned and questioned.

I instantly went d'umb.

"ehn ehnnnn ehnnn i talk say ehnnnnn" i was pretending to be stammering while trying to figure out a lie to tell, "i talk say ehnn ehnnn i talk say see this Old man no dey fear Ant" i finally figured out the best lie.

The best lie indeed, because few words in the first statement sounded similar to some other words in the second statement. Wear and Fear, P'ant and Ant.

But, was there an Ant on the floor? Was a question for another day.

Next day we were off to work.

Before i left for work, Baba jay had told me he would be going to the bank later in the day, so i gave him some money to pay into my bank account. because the fear of the Notorious BIG was the beginning of wisdom. The money comprised of the "s'hit" money and my 4k share of the money Chief gave us.

My bank account that had been pennyless for a while now, could now smile.

"Man, how today work go be na?" i asked as we walked to the site after taking breakfast at Mama Calabar canteen.

"when we reach site, u go know how the work go be" Man answered.

We got to the site and met Madam Ifeoma.

"how are you today?" She said, "good morning ma, we are fine ma" Man and Brainbox replied, but i almost said, "good morning ma, you are fine ma". because madam Ifeoma was looking so "sweat sixteen", with her Jeans mini skirt revealing her "yellow" fresh l'aps.

"ehnnn guys the cement left will not be enough for today's work" Madam Ifeoma informed us, "so what do we do ma?" Man asked. "i will like two of you to come with me to where we will buy more cement, so you will help me load it into the truck, and when the truck brings it here, u will also offload it" She said, "not for free oh, 20naira for loading, 20naira for offloading" She added.

"ehnnn Flow na me and u go go do dis Sugar baby" Man our boss said, and whatever he said was final. Brainbox wasn't happy at Man's decision. I could read what he was saying in his mind: "so u like Flow pass me abi?". He never knew it was better he stayed behind, than coming to have a taste of Sugar baby. The dreaded Sugar baby.

Sugar baby was the code name for loading and offloading cement.

As Madam Ifeoma drove us on her Honda car, i couldn't take my eyes off her fresh l'aps because i was seating in front. I wondered why Man refused seating it front.

My volcano erupted instantly, forming a mountain that was noticeable.

As she stretched out her right hand to change gear, i tot she was reaching for my d'ick. My erected d'ick sure looked like a car gear lever.

We arrived the cement depot in no time. It was time for the much awaited Sugar baby. I tot as the name "Sugar baby" literally meant sweatness, so would the work be sweat. Yes! It was sweat. Bitterly sweat.

While Madam ifeoma was bargaining the price with the cement sellers, we went to change to our kponkpon attire. Also, we were putting on sunglasses to prevent the cement particles from entering our eyes.

Sugar baby started.

My intention was to carry more Sugar baby than Man wey dey "always" reason. He reasons better when it was time for work. We were to carry 200bags of cement. 20naira to load a bag into the truck, and 20naira to offload a bag at the site. Which is, 40naira for the loading and offloading of each bag of cement.


After One hour of hectic Sugar baby, we finished with the first half scores as: SugarBaby Flow 82bags --- SugarBaby Man 118bags.

As we entered the back of the truck and it moved slowly behind Madam Ifeoma's car, i consoled myself that i still had "second half" to equalize and that i still had reserved strength to offload the cement, i never knew a part of my body would hinder me greatly.

"aaaaaaaaaaaah!!! My neck" i cried out. "wetin do ur neck?" Man queried. "aaaaaaaah my neck don break" i said. "how your neck no go break? U think say Sugar baby easy?" Man said, "Flow, make i ask u oh, when u lick sugar, how e dey taste?" Man asked, "e dey sweat na" i responded with my hand on my neck. "when u lick plenty sugar, wetin go happen to you?" Man asked again, "u go get jedi jedi na" i responded. "ehen na the Jedi jedi u dey get so, na the Jedi jedi of Sugar baby be say person neck go break" Man narrated laughing at me.

I just needed a Divine healing for the neck pain, or rather Jedi jedi. because i needed to offload more bags than Man wey dey reason.

SexyDuby: Flow Flow....u wan because of me naw pursue dose women. No be u talk say lizard get muscle no mean say e dey gym?

Make dem dey dere naaa dem no fit obstruct us @ all. Water pass water as Sapele water pass omi garri(garri water)

so how we go do am na. Home or away?