₦airaland Forum

drsolob: because we want u to go places with ur talent.

ok thank you so much. You guys made me what i am today.

Lemme cease dis opportunity to say Thank you to all my Fans. Both stand fan and ceiling fan. Una too much.

U guys should correct me when the need be. And i am ready to learn from my corrections.

Una thank you. Words are not enough to thank you guys.

I thank you guys Alphabetically from A for alfablondy to Y for Yuzedo(Z no dey oh)

Even the likes of Bigflamie. I still thank you.

Una too much. Una too mucher. Infact Una to muchest.

STILL I FLOW.

iTipC: wtf u feeling like G...aint u happy u been corrected or aint that the main reason we reading it..or u feel evry1 here reads to just laff & all of it..Keep calm and listen to critics..it breaks u or make u..its breaking u already tho !!!

Am not feeling like a Gaint, neither am i not accepting corrections.

Make i tell u something.

I am so hard knocks that such corrections can't break me. Dem dey break Iron r'od?

See the kin person wey i be: i be the kin person wey, even if u put sand sand for my garri, i go drink the garri like that. As far as no be me put the sand sand for the garri by myself. Thats my persona.

Ishilove: If there wasn't any cause for complain, would his fans complain?

Mr Flow, if you want your writing to go places, I suggest you open yourself to constructive criticisms. The update was fraught with errors which they pointed out...DEAL WITH IT and don't complain about human beings.

I am one of the writers here who by God's grace and practice, have been able to pen down some pieces that people have appreciated. However, I had this challenge. I was always intermixing 'been' and 'being'. My followers kept on nagging me constantly about it until I was able to master it and now I don't mix them up again. Sometimes I spend hours writing and when I post, some people come and point out the errors without mincing words. I listen and I don't make the same mistakes again.

Criticism makes us examine our work more critically and helps us become better. I haven't gone through this thread completely, but the few pages I've read are fraught with errors. I will not spare you, I will point them out in black and white when I have the time.

Peace.

Sisterly na you be Madam at the top.

But i want to let you know something.

I am not disputing the fact that u are the "queen" of literature/writing. I and not also disputing the fact that you are a picture perfect grammarian(that kin Patrick Ibiagbadon type). Me no dey blow gramma like you oh. But i dey try sha(that kin Patience Jonathan)

But if you go back to that post you would notice i ACCEPTED and CORRECTED. And i also thanked the person that corrected me.

Know this, if u give your fans the chance, they would correct every word you type. Am an easy going man. Correct me, i accept it. Even if it is a negative criticism, i would take it with a pinch of salt.

Mind you, before i post every update, i view it from the eyes of a critic.

For God sakes, nobody is above mistake.

PS: Why must you torch light my mistakes. Why?

I had always been a good "Tamoher". Tamoh was in born because i grew up in the ghetto.

But that day Tamoh failed me. Or would i say i failed Tamoh.

I clung to the truck with my right hand and held the Fruit juice with my left hand.

All of a sudden, the Fruit Juice fell from my hand to the ground, and the content exploded on the road. "Flow you don pour our Five alive for ground, u don f''uck up" Brainbox yelled at me.

"i don f''uck up true true oh" I said.

Little did i know that worse problem was yet to come.


The truck driver was moving at a very high speed that i was wondering if he was drunk.

Don't drink and drive, they say. But legend has it that if you smoke weed, you would drive as fast as if you were on a F1 race Championship. You could even win the Championship if u wish. If only the F1 race athletes knew about "igboh", they would take like five wraps to increase their l'ibido before the start of every race.


The truck driver was driving that fast because he was a student of Paapa weed secondary school, Nekede, Owerri. I had seen him there before. Maybe he went for early morning "weedioly" lecture before hiting the road. Just maybe.


We got close to a pot hole, yet he drove faster. I was dead frightened. The truck galloped as it reached the pot hole, sending a discordant tune down my brain. Not only that.

My hands failed me.

I lost my grib.

A car was moving at a high speed behind us.

I heard my heart almost burst my solar plexus open.

I was gonna die, or so i tot.

"Am coming home Lord" i said in my mind.

In my mind's eyes, i saw myself in heaven.

All these were unfolding within split seconds.


Within split seconds also, Brainbox skillfully grabbed me by my T-shirt and pulled me back. I was saved by the bell.

I was saved by Brainbox.

The same Brainbox i almost poisoned with Urine.

He grabbed me with so much Dexterity i must say. Little wonder he told me while we were at Umunkoto that he had worked as a bus Conductor in Lagos before he got admission into the University, i never believed him then.

But I could now believe.

I found back my grib, as i managed to clung to the truck, even though i was as fidgety as Baba jay the Epilepsy victim.


"oga driver take am easy oh, na human beings dey here, no be goat" Man yelled at the driver.

"na me carry una enter my motor? Who tell una to hang there?" the driver responded.

"naso person dey die oh" i said to myself, as i saw that my T-shirt was torn.

Better for me to the n''aked than for me to be gone.

"because dead body no dey mix rice and beans"

MrAnoTi: ;DHope say na yu go fall sha

Mr Anoti!
Naso u hate me reach?

Edmanpumpin: Tamo is sure a yoruba word meaning leap&hold-unto.

correct!!
Omo Yoruba ni e. Abi beko?

brokoto: Hmmm, abeg o. This last 'so I tot' get as e sound Ooº°˚˚˚°º‎​oO .

Brokoto, u dey fear?

The next morning as we were preparing for work, Tega came in.

He came with so many goodies.

Ranging from Fruit juice to meat pie to Ice cream, to Suya.


"Tega where you bring all this things from na?" Brainbox asked as we were munching the huge meat pie. "na thief i thief am" Tega answered him perfectly.

The best answer to such f'oolish question.

We took a pack of the Fruit juice with us and we were off to work.


As we came out of the compound, We met Tupac with a Lady, the same lady that came for Mbonchi the previous day.

On seeing us, Tupac left the Lady and came to us saying, "guys make una help me with 500naira make i complete the money wey i wan give dis girl for transport, she dey go back Akwa". "i no get money" Brainbox said at the top of his voice. "i no get money" Man also said.

"Flow, u nkor?" Tupac asked. I wanted to say "i no get money" also, but i had money with me and there was no need lying. And it was best i saved a friend in need.

"take, u go give me back oh" I offered Tupac 500naira. "thank you, if u come back from work, i go give u" Tupac assured.
I wondered what he would have done had he not met us.


Tupac wasn't working, Bigie also wasn't working. Sorry, Bigie was a professional pick pocket, an expert in pilfering and a professor of looting, that was his job. But what was Tupac's Job? Was my question.

How he managed to fort the bills of his numerous girlfriends marvelled me.

I promised myself i would find out more about Tupac.


We suddenly saw Solid Block industry truck drove towards us. The same block Industry Kate entered the other day.


"guys make we Tamoh this truck na" I suggested to my guys. "wetin be Tamoh?" Man asked me.

"when we reach there u go know" I answered him the way he loved answering such important question, and Brainbox laughed.

I knew Brainbox understood what Tamoh meant because he grew up partly in Lagos.

Tamoh was a Lagos slang that meant to hang on a moving vehicle. It should be Yoruba.


I ran very fast after the truck and hung with a perfect dexterity, Brainbox followed. On seeing us, Man understood what Tamoh meant, so he joined us.

The truck driver knew us so he held his peace.


The three of us hung on the truck like the picture perfect touts we were.

As the truck increased speed, i was wondering what would happen if one of us fell off.

I assured myself that that couldn't happen. Since we were kponkponist, it shouldn't be difficult to clung to a moving truck, so i tot.

drsolob: abeg help me tell am.

I don hear na. I don correct am na.

because of one mistake wey una notice nahim una no gree me rest.

If i no update quick, una go say why i no update quick. If i update quick una go say mistake dey am.

You can't just satisfy human beings.

seuncyber: nice story


flow i need ur personal email or contact

flowey2ugo@yahoo.com
thats my Email.

Contact as in?

brokoto: actually, there are a lot of such errors. You might need to proof read your works thoroughly before posting. You always interchange sweet and sweat. Is it deliberate?

Noted

i do proof read b4 posting

Its due to hasty typing.

Mehn the thing no easy to dey type.

mikelreal: Sir Flow I hail o, stop bein ''awoke'' o e no good

Nairalanders!! Una sabi find person mistake!!

I go correct am.

Mologi: Flow u b big babsy,u wey tell gal say u b d contractor 4 wer u dey mix rice nd bean dey talk say Snoop dey lie 2 gal.WEL DAT'S LAW OF COMPROMISE

I needed an instant lie to save me from embarassment. Abi if na u, u go gree say u be kpokponist?

It was bed time.

The sleeping formation was 3-2-2. Lucky enough, Tega didn't sleep at home that night, only God knew where he slept.

The 3-2-2 formation made up of Baba jay, Man and Pkc on the mattress by the right, Snoop and his sister from another mother was on the mattress by the left. While I and Brainbox slept in between both mattresses on the Floor. I wondered why Snoop gave a space in between both mattresses. Maybe he never wanted those lying on the other bed to roll over to their side.

Although i slept on the Floor, i had a sweet dream. I think i ate Fried rice and Chicken in the dream. A food that had been long i ate last.

I was eating the Fried rice and Chicken washing it down with a bottle of Udeme, when a noise brought be back to reality, "kai so na dream" i tot.

I initially tot it was Pkc with his usual mid night prayers.

The noise was coming from the left side of the room. Where Snoop and Jane slept.

It wasn't an ordinary noise, someone was moaning.

They were having a silent q'ickie.

The noise wasn't that loud enough to wake everyone up, but it was loud enough to wake me up because i was lying close to them.

"Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! Fuuuuuu!" Snoop was p'umping Jane, and it made a noise like the noise a ballon that was inflated would make.

I was enjoying the pleasant noise, but i needed more than just hearing so i opened my eyes to see that Snoop was on top and Jane was below. They looked like two dogs having s'ex.

They were so close that if i stretched my hand, it would touch Jane's B''reast.

I needed more than just hearing and seeing. I needed my piece of the action. I needed to touch. I needed to complete the Five senses. Hearing, seeing, touching, smelling, and if the need be tasting.

I rolled over and pretended i was unconcious, as i did that, i stretched my hand to see if i could touch Jane's over ripe B''reast.

Omoh! My hand no reach oh.

It seemed Snoop knew what i was up to so he put on the torch light and beamed the light to see if everybody was sleeping.

He confirmed everybody was sleeping, including me. because as he beamed the light on my eyes i caught sleep instanta. Or partial sleep.

I woke up from partial sleep to continue watching my late night movie. A movie Snoop was playing the lead role. He was indeed playing the lead role as i could see him sweating profusely.

My eyes were wide open when all of a sudden, power was restored(NEPA bring light, for those of una wey no dey understand English). The light really blurred my eyes.

The 60watt bulb that hung on our ceiling came alive giving the room a glow.

I could see clearly.

"NEPA una get sense jor" i tot. Not until Snoop stood up to switch off the light.

As the light went off, i mistakenly said, "ooooooooh!!".

Snoop beamed the torch light again to my eyes, and i caught partial sleep again. It seemed he was aware i was watching them. He was aware i wasn't asleep.

"Snoop darling, why don't we go to the bathroom to continue, it seems one of ur friend is watching us, am not confortable with that" Jane said suddenly.

"Snoop, say NO, Snoop, say NO" I was wishing Snoop would say NO to Jane's suggestion.

"ok darling lets go" Snoop agreed.

"Snoop u be Mumu oh, see as woman dey control u" I cursed within me.

Legend has it that S'ex is better enjoyed while taking a shower.

Since we had a Shower in the bathroom. And the Shower only worked when there was Electricity supply, because that was only when our "standby" borehole starts pumping water.

What it meant was that Snoop and Jane were headed for S'ex in the Shower.

And i was headed for "Flatscreen".

I glanced at the wall clock, it was 1:30am.

1:30am and i was still awake.

Even if i tried sleeping, i wouldn't wink a sleep because i had murdered sleep.

Nairalanders, those of una wey the oga at the top dey listen to, make una suggest this story to the ogas at the top na(mynd 44 and Cuddlemii).

because some people don suggest am tayah, but still e never enter front page.

if it hits the frontpage, i promise faster updates.

I cross my heart.

Or so i tot.

sherifat raji: Flow... Happy birthday to u, wish u LLNP and have fun cos it ur day

No be me dey do birthday oh. I was born in June.

We got home to meet a full house. Including MOG.


We took our bath and we were off to watch football. On our way, we met Snoop. Not Snoop alone, but Snoop and a lady.

"Snoop how far?" I shook hands with Snoop. "how una rice and beans job today?" Snoop asked. "Snoop u dey mad oh, why u dey talk rice and beans for where dis fine girl dey, u want make she know the kind job wey we dey do?" I almost said. Well, maybe she would assume we were dealers of rice and beans, or maybe not.

"rice and beans business make sense oh, u know say na only us be the number one dealers of rice and beans for dis town, e no easy for us oh" Man tried to cover up to impress the beautiful lady. I almost laughed.

"shey dem Tupac dey house?" Snoop asked, "ehnn dem dey house" Brainbox replied.

I knew why Snoop asked that, he wanted to know if their room would be free for him to have a q'iuckie with the Lady. Or so i tot.

Too bad!! Tupac was in the room with a Lady.

While we were returning from work, we saw Tupac entered the compound with a Lady, and from the look of things, it seemed the Lady came for Mbonchi.

Mbonchi was a slang we said back then reffering to when a Lady came to pass a night in a guy's place. Ubochi can literary be translated to mean Day break. But i wondered where the "M" and the "N" came from.

So it meant "no show" for Snoop, unless of course he wanted to have s'ex with the Lady in our room with seven guys present.

That was impossible, or so i tot.

We came back after watching the football match, of which MAN U drew 1-1.


"oooh! Snoop i like ur friends, they are very funny" the Lady said after Brainbox gave a punchline. Brainbox would automatically turn a comedian once he was around a Lady.

Brainbox could even be funnier than Basketmouth the comedian, only if his audience were all Ladies.

Brainbox continued making the Lady laugh, although i contributed a bit of my laughter to him, "so that him comedy career no go just die like that" because his jokes were dry to me.


Suddenly the Lady i later got to know her name was Jane said, "Snoop darling, i will pass a night with you". She said it with a "sexy" voice, and not very loud, so i tot she wasn't serious.

Joke of the century.

Maybe Snoop told her he stayed alone. Why na?

Mbonchi 101.


"u stay in this compound?" Jane suddenly asked Brainbox the comedian, and i instantly realized why she wanted to pass the night, she tot we were all visitors in Snoop's room. "na him room be dis na, na all of us dey stay this room na" I almost said.

Her question gave the room a graveyard silence.

I saw Snoop sweating profusely. Sweat of "yawa". Yawa don gas.


But why would guys like lying to Ladies that they own heaven and earth when they own nothing? I don't belong to the school of tot that believes a Lady would fall for you because of what you have or what you do for a living. Even if i was a proffesional kpokponist, i wouldn't lie to a Lady that i was a proffesional Journalist. Afterall, they say: "love me, love my dogs".

But why would Snoop tell Jane he was the only occupant of the room? A room he never contributed a dime for the house rent.

Or was he reffering to Tupac and Bigie's room?

That was the beginning of our woes. All thanks to Snoop.


Pkc came in after seeing MOG off and whispered to my ears, "who is she?", "na Snoop junior sister, she go sleep here today" I whispered back to Pkc.

[quote author=Ms_Pweshy]Hapi b.day to ME....FLOW am +1 2day ooo[/quote]happy birthday Ms_ Pweshy.

Viva Ms_Pweshy.

But wait oh, How many years u be? Shey u don reach 35?

Cute bliss: chei ur own big but e no reach flow own

My own na tithled d'ick oh.

The tithle na EZEMBIJIMA 1

Obele's place was the place to be after a hectic work and a handsome pay.


"Obele how far?" Man greeted, "i dey oh, how una want am na?" Obele asked. "na our usual oh, Indomie and Egg, the egg go plenty oh" Man ordered.


"MAN United get match today oh, we get match with Everton" I said, "omoh that Match go make sence oh, shebi na by 7:45?" Brainbox asked, "yes na 7:45, guy we need to win that match so we go still remain for top of table oh" I said.

"Obele do the Indomie quick quick oh, before hungry go finish us here" Man yelled. "guys, how una see am, make we buy Zobo take nak dis indomie and egg na" Brainbox suggested, "na true oh, e go make sense oh, e go bring back our blood wey don comot for our body" I said, "ok, Flow take money go buy the Zobo come from that shop before Obele go finish to do the Indomie" Man offered me 500naira note.

Man was beginning to be too benevolent for confort.

Zobo is a reddish drink that is made from a plant. The plant is mostly grown in the Northern part of Nigeria.

As i walked down to get the Zobo drink, an idea dropped.


"shebi u know say dem no dey seal the Zobo container? try make u piss for Brainbox Zobo, shebi u know wetin him do you" my evil mind suggested.

It was pay back time.

But the problem was how i would pee into Brainbox's Zobo without someone seeing me. And also how i would make sure Brainbox drank from the Zobo i peed into.


"Madam, where i go fit piss abeg? piss dey catch me well well" I asked the Zobo seller after she gave me the drinks, "go for the back of that shop, piss for there, na there people dey piss" She replied pointing at a shop. I paid her and left.


As i got there, i was glad nobody was urinating there, it was just me.

I quickly grabbed one of the Zobo container, opened it, drank out of it to reduce the content, then as i started to pee into the container, someone walked in. A chubby Man.

"Good morning sir" I greeted when it was Evening. The Man saw what i was doing and he stared at me in a strange way, maybe he tot i was mad.

"na doctor say make i piss for container come, say him wan do lab test" I said to the Chubby man with a smile. He strayed his eyes to the other two containers i kept on the floor, "those ones na dem my friends piss" I said without thinking.

Without thinking that, how on earth would our urine be as reddish as Zobo, unless of course we were Vampires. And how on earth would the pee of I and my friends fill half litre containers each, unless of course we were horses.

It seemed the Chubby man fell for my lies, because he didn't mention a word until he left, or was he d'umb?


Legend has it that Zobo gives blood. Brainbox would sure get blood to the fullest. Zobo mixed with Urine? Maybe he would get Goat blood.

"Brainbox na ur own Zobo be dis" I stamped the mixture in front of Brainbox as he continued eating the Indomie and egg. "Man na ur own Zobo be dis" i gave Man his.

We were half way through the Indomie and egg when, "Flow u dey mad oh, u give Brainbox the Zobo wey cold abi?" Man said swapping his Zobo drink with Brainbox's Urine/Zobo mixture, "Man all of them cold na" I said, "But Brainbox own cold pass jor" Man replied and opened it to drink.

Maybe the Urine in the Zobo drink made it more chilled. Maybe.

"Man!! No drink am, i piss inside" I almost shouted.

But it was too late, he already drank it.

"why the Zobo dey taste like dis na? E no sweat" Man complained wearing a poo face.

"why e go sweat, when u don drink piss, Mumu boy" I almost said.

"but my own sweat oh" Brainbox said.


I had hit the wrong target. Brainbox's Guardian angels were really vigilant.

Maybe i would get better luck next time. Only if such opportunity comes again.

Olygal: Flow flow ma oga at the top, im feeling u joor

Olygal me sef dey feel u like filling station.

ayando: well done flow. At last,av got to this page.

Welcome ayando, what you have read thus far is just a tip of the iceberg

arizona145: Oga flow Shea na when we develop 3rd leg u go come update us?

Btw, how only you go dey e-marry all the biancaful and agbanistic okpkekesis in this arena? If u don't want what happened in Sept 11 to repetee make u kuku chose 1 jor.

I dey hail you my Oga @d top!

ok if u want one of them, i dash you Cute bliss.

She sabi wayah for bed oh!
No say i no warn you oh.

"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!! Nwayo Nwayo Nwayo!!" Madam Ifeoma m'oaned as loud as a bedside Alarm clock.

Nwayo means Gently in English.

Gently my foot!! How would i perform gently when my horse power was raised to power ten?


As i inserted my sledge hammer into her Honey pot for the kick off of round two, it was as if my sledge hammer had increased in height, it was as if her Honey pot gave my sledge hammer the required photosynthesis to grow. I felt it was touching either her heart or her liver, or both.


"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!! Charankpasatgehe!!" She begane to speak in tongues. It was then i realized i was gradually killing someone's Mum, so i reduced the level at which i inserted my sledge hammer, in other for it not to pluck out her heart.

"A lobourer in Nekede killed his Employer while having sex with her" would be what the tabloid would flash the next day as headline. "e no fit happen jor" i assured myself.


I rolled her over to resume Season three. And I instantly percieved that Old solja's bed smelt not like s'kunk but like Urine. "abi dis old man dey piss for bed?" i asked myself.

"but why be say dis woman no dey smell the bad smell wey i dey smell? And why she like dis Old solja room well well? abi Old solja dey wayah her for dis room?" I was asking myself as she lay pliant in my arms.

Suddenly she moved her hand to caress my sledge hammer and said, "i like dis big thing, it reminds me of my late husband". "wetin be dis one na? Why u dey compare my p'rick with the p'rick of person wey don die na?" i almost said.

"ur husband is dead?" I asked, "yeah, he died 10years ago, leaving me with three children, a boy and two girls" She said, and i could see cloud of tears in her eyes, so i concluded i wouldn't ask further questions.


She stood up to dress up, and i lay watching her n''aked Television size Ikebe as it bounced as if it wanted to fall off. "Seventeen! Eighteen! Nineteen! Seventeen! Eighteen! Nineteen" I sang in my mind. But one thing i noticed was that, though she was a bit fair in complexion, her Ikebe was black, as black as charcoal, "wetin cause am na?" I asked myself.


As i stood up to get dressed also, i noticed something.

My sledge hammer had gone down. Even less than its normal size. I tot it wasn't mine, maybe someone stole mine, or did it drown in Madam Ifeoma's swimming pool? It was looking more like "Kuli Kuli". "so naso Ike Nwoke dey work? If person don use him p'rick finish, the thing go com small" i tot.

It was looking so tiny, that i quickly wore my trousers in other for Madam Ifeoma not to see my Sledge hammer or rather Toy hammer and scream that she just made Love to a magician.


I got to the site and saw that Man had meet up with me, he was mixing his Eleventh bag.

As i was about to resume work, Old solja came close to me and whispered, "Flowa make u no work again, go rest, u no go get power to work as you don go do that thing".


So many questions were running in my mind.

Questions like; How come Old solja knew i was f''ucking Madam Ifeoma? How come he offered me and my friends Ike Nwoke that morning? Why didn't he Offer Ike Nwoke to Ochabuorie and Igbakwambo? Was Madam Ifeoma aware i drank Ike Nwoke earlier?

And last but not the least; Was Old solja F''ucking Madam Ifeoma?

If he was, then it only meant he wanted to die at 75.

Cute bliss: Flow sweetheart come & do this thing nau

i be dog? Since morning i dey bed dey do u, u still want make i dey do. Shey u wan kill me?

IZUKWU: Flow baba ,i hail oh

i hail you like hail Mary

We started mixing Rice and Beans.


The Ike Nwoke drink i drank gave me excess strength. Within 30minutes i was on my second bag.

And within 1hour i was on my fourth bag. Even the Legendary Igbakwambo could not meet up my pace.

"Flow, dis one wey you and Man dey work well well, wetin una take?" Igbakwambo asked me. "na Tea we take oh" I responded, "which kin Tea una take today wey una never take before? We sef dey take Tea oh" Ochagbuorie said. "na Japanese Tea we take, the name of the Japanese Tea na Tea IN" Man said and i laughed.

I guess he meant Tramadol Ike Nwoke. A new code name for Old Solja's Elixir. A code name that sure sounded Japanese.


I was on my Tenth bag within some hours, Man followed with Nine bags. Brainbox was progressing in a Snail pace with just Four bags. "u think say you wise? when we dey drink planty Ike Nwoke, u just drink only small, how you think say e go work" I almost said to Brainbox.

As i started my Eleventh bag, something started happening.

My volcano started erupting.

My third leg started growing.

It instantly dawned on me that the other side of Ike Nwoke or rather Tea IN had started manifesting.


My kpokpon trouser was torn in between the legs, so my John Thomas was growing so fast to reach the Big hole, maybe to catch photosynthesis, just maybe.

I changed my walking step because the number of legs i had were increased from two to three. Another leg had being created.

Suddenly, the third leg popped its u'gly head out through the big hole in my trouser.

"which kin wahala be dis na" i tot as i sent it back with my hand. It went in, after it was "painted" unknowingly with the cement in my hand.

I was glad nobody saw it popped out, not even the ever vigilant Madam Ifeoma. Or so i tot.

At that moment, I remembered the day i saw Old solja's huge s'crotal sack, and his bamboo-like p''enis through his torn trouser. "no wonder Old solja p''rick big well well, na because of Ike Nwoke" i told myself.

If my d'ick was that huge, what about Man's d'ick, how would it look like? Maybe it would look like a tree stem? Maybe. As i took a quick glimpse at what was in between Man's leg, i was right, it looked like he was carrying a tree stem in between his leg. And he wore a look that seemed he was in pains, that the load was too much for him to carry.

I hurriedly finished the bag i started. And as i was walking to a shade to rest a bit, and also think of how to maybe tie my third leg to either the first or the second leg, Madam Ifeoma came close to me and whispered, "why don't you put that thing to work, it is hungry and needs food, don't keep me waiting".

I understood what she meant. It was time for "Jangolova".

My third leg sure needed food. But not a swimming pool-like food.

I was sure it would perform well this time and it wouldn't swim in Madam Ifeoma's extra large Honey well like the last time.

The next morning, after praise and worship Pkc said, "Man pray for us".

Oh! Not again. Not Man again.

"Baba God, we praise ur name oh, na u be Chairman wey dey heaven, Baba God i wan tell u say u too much, nahim make me want make you send fire make e burn those Mumu wey come kill Chief. Baba i no wan ask you too much, i just want make u do dis ones wey i don ask................ In Jesus name" Man prayed. "AMEN" we chorused.


"Flow we go reach site today oh, my mind dey tell me say work don start, u know say our phone no dey, maybe Madam Ifeoma don dey try our number" Man said that morning. "i go follow una go oh" Baba jay said suddenly. "Follow who? Abeg we no want person wey go die for our hand oh" I said.


As usual, after taking breakfast at Mama Calabar canteen, we walked slowly to the site.


We met Igbakwambo and Ochagbuorie. "Man why una no come work yesterday?" Ochagbuorie asked, "work dey yesterday?" Brainbox asked. "work dey na, Madam Ifeoma even say she don dey try una number since but e no dey go" Igbakwambo said. "na those mumu thief wey come our house come thief our phone oh" Man said.

"but sha we no do too much work, na just the body work we do, we don do the body reach window and door lintel, carpenter don nak plywood for the lintel and him nak plywood for the pillar sef, Madam Ifeoma say today we go cast rice and beans pour for inside the plywood wey the carpenter nak" Ochagbuorie informed.


Madam Ifeoma came and we explained to her why we were absent from work the previous day.


As we headed for the changing room to change to our kponkpon clothes, we met Old solja, "how unu dey" He greeted, "Old solja we dey fine oh, how ur body?" I said, "my body dey strong oh, that na because i dey drink Ike Nwoke" Old solja said.

"wetin be Ike Nwoke?" Man asked, "nahim be dis thing wey dey dis bottle" Old Solja pointed at a big bottle containing a brownish liquid.

"dis Ike Nwoke na powerful drink oh, if unu dey drink am, unu go dey do unu work well well, and unu go fit do plenty bag of kpokpon, nahim i dey drink wey make me dey get power to do my security work for night" Old solja explained. "Old solja, u sure of dis thing wey u dey talk" Brainbox inquired, "i sure na, u no know say if i wan dey follow unu do kponkpon i fit follow unu do for dis my age, i be 75years but i get strenght pass unu" Old solja said.

True talk!! he never looked 75 to me, he looked more like 35. All thanks to Ike Nwoke.

Ike Nwoke in Ibo language means Man Power in English.

"Make unu try am, and unu go see as unu go work well well today" Old solja offered the container to Man.

Man stared at it for a moment, and collected a cup from Old solja and poured out half of the liquid into the cup, he drank it reluctantly, he passed it to Brainbox who drank little or nothing. From the look in their faces, i concluded the drink wasn't bitter.

When it was my turn to drink, Old solja said, "Flowa drink all, i go go buy another one dis evening". So i gulped down a cup. A full cup.

"even sef, na Ike Nwoke make all dis small small girls no gree me rest sef, because my thing strong like bamboo" Old solja said.

"why u no talk like that before i drink am, i for no drink am, i no want my thing to strong like bamboo, me wey i no get babe wey i go wayah with the bamboo" I almost said.


After we finished changing, Old solja said, "make unu go work, unu go work well well".

Yes, i wanted to mix thousands of Rice and beans. But i never wanted a bamboo-like d'ick.

How i wished i could turn back the hands of time.

We got home to meet Pkc. Just Pkc and Baba jay.

"Pkc u no sleep for church today?" Man asked a n'onesense question.

"i was told u guys were robbed, and Chief Ogbonna was killed" Pkc said, "naso we see am oh, dem those M'umu come kill that good man oh" Man said. "what a pity, may his Soul rest in peace" Pkc said.


"Since i came back something had been smelling in this room, a very bad Odour" Pkc said.

For real, the room was smelling.

"hmnnnnn Abi rat don die?" Man said, "if na rat die make we look for am na" Baba jay said.

As we begane searching, Man said, "how rat go die when we no put rat poison?" "you no know say some of the rubbish food wey we dey chop for dis house, if rat chop am, the rat go die?" I said.

"but wait oh, the thing no dey smell like rat wey die oh, e dey smell like s'hit, abi person s'hit for toilet wey no flush am?" Man said. "i have checked the toilet, it is well flushed" Pkc responded.

As we continued searching what seemed like a fruitless search, Man suddenly said, "Flow na for inside ur Bag the rat die, na from there the smell dey come from". "Man u dey mad, how rat go die for my bag na? na ur bag nahim rat go die, no be my bag" I cursed.

"Flow na true oh, na from ur bag the smell dey come from" Baba jay confirmed.


I came closer and dragged my bag with the tip of my finger.


At that moment, Pkc walked out, maybe he ran for his dear Lungs. because the smell in the room could damage not only the Lungs but the Kidney also.

"hmnnnnnn!!!" "hmnnnnnnn!!" was the noise Man and Baba jay made trying to catch their breathe.


"why you pour spit for my body na?" I yelled at Man who spat on me. "no vex abeg, na because of the smell" Man replied. "so my body nahim be the thing wey dey smell? So na my body the rat wey die dey abi?" I queried Man. "e be like say your body sef don follow dey smell oh" Man said, and i quickly percieved my cloth to comfirm if what he said was true.

"my cloth no dey smell like rat wey die abeg, me wey i spray Tega perfume for dis shirt" I said.

"Flow open the bag na, make we know wetin dey smell for inside" Baba said.

"nahim i wan open so" I replied and my hand went for the zip of the bag.

As i opened the bag, the stench that flew to my nose was the kind of stench that could not only damage one's Lungs and Kidney, but shutdown one's entire symtem.

I couldn't tell the bad spirit that made me hurriedly dipped my hand into the bag without thinking.

My hand came in contact with something that i assumed could be Eba or over done Beans.

I brought out my hand to see it wasn't Eba, neither was it over done Beans.

It was poo.

Fresh poo.

Someone had pood on my bag.

Who else could it be if not Brainbox.

Wonderful Brainbox.

Brainbox, the King of mischief.

Man and Baba jay laughed their way out of the room.

I instantly recalled Brainbox threat, "Flow i go show you". He had done his worse.

Like a pidgin English Adage goes: "first to do, e no dey pain, last to do nahim dey pain". And the English version of the same Adage goes: "He who laughs last, laughs best"

Jerry2i: Na u send am work wey u no leave am run
;DU

abi oh.

Welcome on board first timer.

Mynd_44 e no good oh. How come "MAN WEY DEY REASON" never made front page after many readers had suggested it to you?

Abi na PDP una dey do?

johnwizey: Na so lyf b o....afta u don enjoy wt his hard earned moni,u nw left him to cari his cross. Flow/3x fear God o

if na u, u for stay abi U for stay make dem pieces bottle for your head. U no know say na person wey fight and run away nahim go fit fight another day.