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"Ade how far, we wan buy phone, come arrange us anyhow phone" Man said as we got to Ade's Barbars shop.

It was the same Ade we had a hair cut in his shop last week, but what i wanted to know was how he became a phone dealer.

"which type una want na, the ones wey be 1500 or 1000, abi na the ones wey be 500?" Ade said. "So 500naira phone dey? Abi na charger him mean?" I asked myself.

"Ade bring 1000naira own for dis my friend, me na 500naira own i wan arrange" Man said to Ade.

Ade went in and came out with two bags, "dis na the 1000naira own, dis na the 500naira own, make una choose the one wey una want" Ade handed us the bags.

I tot the phones for 1000naira would all be an eyesaw. They weren't that bad. They were the kind of phone I could get for 3000naira in the market. My question was, where Ade got all these phones from. A question i promised myself i would ask Man after we might had left Ade's shop, atleast he wouldn't respond his usual way.


I selected a Nokia torch phone, so did Man, but Man's own was held together with a rubber band. Apart from that, no much difference between our phones, or so i tot.


"Oga Ade, give me 50k for dis Laptop, na Hp laptop be dis oh" Bigie was bargaining with Ade. "i don tell you say na 40k i go give you, one guy don come dis morning na 35k i buy dis type laptop for him hand, na because u be my customer nahim make me put the price for 40k, if not na 35k i for buy am" Ade said.

Wow!! I was swept off my foot. How on earth could such a "clean" laptop be sold for 40k or even 50k? Was i dreaming? Ade was really a good business man, little wonder he had a Volk wagen Golf car parked outside.


"Man where Ade dey get all these phones na?" I asked as we left Ade's shop. "na people dey come sell them the phone to am na, see ehen, e no get anything for dis life wey u no fit buy for Ade shop, even if u wan buy motor sef him go sell for you" Man explained.


"Bigie as you don get 40k for your pocket, carry us go drink na, no be bad thing na" Man said, "no be 40k Ade give me, na 30k, him say if him sell the laptop him go give me the remaining 10k, but anyhow sha i go carry una go drink, una be my correct guys na" Bigie said. "Bigie yor!!" "Bigie yor!!" We hailed.

That was one thing i loved Bigie for. Though he was a notorious pilferer, he had a open hands, he gives to people in need. Maybe that was the reason why he was hardly caught in the stealing act. Man had told I and Brainbox few days ago that whenever we are in need of money, we should go to Bigie, he never lacked money. He was like the Bank amongst us. "when u don owe am money for long time, him go dash u the money, him no go collect am again" were the exact words Man used in describing how Bigie was benevolent in nature. No wonder he never lacked, Nature's law must stand: "blessed is the hands that giveth", even if the hands giveth a stolen money.


We were on our third bottle, when all of a sudden Bigie counted out some of the money and stamped it on the table, i initially tot the money was for the drinks, until he said, "make una two manage this money". "Bigie yor!! Bigie yor!!" we cheered.

We were on our fifth bottle and it was getting dark, when all of a sudden a guy came walking towards us, i initially tot he was the waiter, maybe it was because i was very high. "ehen, wetin u want? We never drink finish, if we drink finish we go pay you" I said.

"u dey mad? i resemble bar man for you eye" the guy replied me.

All of a sudden, the guy grabbed Bigie by his shirt and said, "God don catch u today, where my laptop?". "i no take ur laptop, go find who take ur laptop" Bigie replied as i could see fear in his eyes.

"bros him don tell u say him no take ur laptop, leave am na" Man said.

Before i could say Jack Robinson, the guy smashed a bottle on the floor and said, "i go chok u dis bottle if u no mind ur business" he was reffering to Man.

Before i could say another Jack Robinson, the guy's friends came to join him speaking language.

We were doomed.

I tried my best not to say another Jack Robinson before i ran or rather "raned" according to Man.

Man raned also.

We left the benevolent Bigie to carry his cross, afterall we weren't there when he stole the Laptop.

Cute bliss is my one and only. I can beat my chest to that.

Omoh! She don make me fall in Love with her. No be joke oh!

Cute bliss: Johnwizey & Bigflamie e don do for both of you,don't derail this thread,you guys shouldn't get worked up over a frivolous issue stop acting like girls here, moreover it won't be nice if u guys derail dis thread dat means provoking flow please please & please u guys should just calm down.thank you

That is why i Love u so much. See how you are trying to foster peace.

U are the best. And i can tell u are really matured.

"Man i wan buy phone wey i go dey manage oh, where i go fit buy am na?" I asked Man as we sat under the Mango tree, "no wahala, e get where i go carry you go, u go buy am cheap" Man responded. "where be that?" I inquired.

"when we reach there you go know" Man answered how best he knew how to answer such question.


As I and Man were about leaving the compound, we saw Bigie also going out holding a laptop. "Bigie where you dey go na?" Man asked Bigie, "i dey go Ade place, i wan go sell dis laptop" Bigie answered. "we sef na Ade place we dey go, Flow say him wan buy small cheap phone wey him go dey manage" Man informed.

As the three of us walked to Ade's barbers shop, i was wondering if Ade's barbers shop had a section where they sold phones and laptops. Or was it another Ade? I couldn't ask Man because i already knew what his response would be, "when we reach there u go know".


"wait oh, Bigie where you see laptop wey u wan go sell for Ade shop?" Man asked Bigie. "na person dash me" Bigie replied.

"Oleh!! How person go dash you laptop. U don go thief laptop, u wan com sell am, God dey watch you oh" I held my tongue from mentioning that.


It reminded me of what Man told I and Brainbox while we were kpokponing in the site one day. Very funny but true.


It was about the addictive life style of pilfering and womanizing Bigie and Tupac lived.


He said Tupac and Bigie went for a Job interview to occupy two positions in a newly constructed Big Hotel. The positions were Hotel Manager and Hotel Accountant. It was very certain that they would get the job because they were friends with a friend of the owner of the hotel.

As Bigie was interviewed, the beautiful pen of his interviewer developed wings and flew into his pocket. Just because of that singular act, he was disqualified instantly. How could a robber become a Hotel Accountant?

As for Tupac, his interviewer was a lady putting on a mini skit. The lady sat close to Tupac that her fresh laps were smiling at Tupac. Tupac answered all her questions correctly, not until he stretched out his hand to c'aress the lady's laps. The lady gave him a dirty slap, and called the guards that dragged him out. How could a womanizer become a Hotel Manager?

So that was how they lost such mouth watering opportunity. Despite the fact that they had been looking for such a handsome pay job since they finished serving for more than two years.


Even at that, Tupac was still womanizing. He had even graduated to visiting "Azu Nepa" regularly.

Azu Nepa was a place were sex was sold. It was a p''rostitute house. Their motto was: "it is cool to f''uck". The name Azu Nepa came to be because the p''rostitute house was located at the back of Nepa office.


As for Bigie, if he told me the Legendary highway robber Lawrence Anini was his role model, i would believe him. Bigie's kleptomaniac attitude to life was really alarming. He needed deliverance. My prayer for him was that he shouldn't graduate to become a MOPO.

Bigflamie: you're jus a nincompoop.
A fu'cking lunkhead son of subnormal beings.

Bigflamie e don do na. Ôzuóla biko nu.

Madawaki01: lol...always flowing and ur followes dey pile up

thank you Madawaki.

"we were sleeping momentarily and joyously, when the inconsiderate touts of the criminal underworld came calling, we all welcomed them to our humble abode with a bow and a pustrate as the King they were. They asked us if we had legal tenders to offer them, and we told them that a fardin wasn't with us. Althrough we remained unflappable and predictably silent even after my necklace and wrist watch went to the Real owners. Until all of a sudden, a trigger was pulled at the next room as the crow fly. After the gentlemen on black had gone, with so much stampede we rushed out to meet the gruesome, unholy and unfathomable murder of Chief, it was indeed a gory sight" Tega narrated what caused me headache instantly.

I couldn't tell what controled my both hands to come together to produce a clap. Others joined me clapping.

"stop clapping!!" Officer Tunde yelled at us and we stopped clapping.

At that moment, i suddenly noticed Officer Bimpe winked. I tot she was winking at me, so i winked back.

"wow! You can speak" Officer Bimpe said and winked again. I instantly realized she initially didn't wink at me, but at Tega who was seating behind me. "why dis one dey cut eye for Tega na, abi na because of dat small english wey Tega scatter? I fit speak am abeg" i said to myself.

I just couldn't tell why i hated her guts from that moment onward.

Maybe it was because i was envious of the fact that she was falling for Tega's looks, his words and his intonation.

"so who else can tell us his own version of the incident?" Officer Ejunykpokpo said. "e be like say this Officer no understand the Big grammar wey Tega scatter oh" I mistakenly said with a low voice and my guys laughed.

I just couldn't tell why my brain couldn't control what came out of my mouth, i just couldn't tell why.

"what did u just say?" Officer Ejunykpokpo queried.

My lie clock told me to say, "i said my friend here will tell you his own version of the incident" pointing at Man.

"ok, go ahead, lets hear you" Officer Ejonykpokpo said.

"ehen, Officer no be say i no fit speak English like Tega oh, but una gree make i use pidgin English nak una the tori?" Man asked. "go ahead" Officer Tunde said.

"mehn! As we dey wayah better sleep oh, naso dem the mumu come show face. Them ask us weda we get money, we say we no get. The two of them wey enter our room be long throat sotey dem chop our food, one of dem even give me slap wey make my head begin heavy me like say i carry four people head. The one wey pain me pass be say them the f''ool carry our fine fine shoe, them even carry my waka about shoe wey i bring from Sokoto" Man narrated the pidgin English version of what Tega narrated earlier and even more.


The Officers went to Mama and Papa Ejima's room to also question them.

After about 30minutes Officer Bimpe came to us and said, "i will like one of u to come with us to the station to make a written statement of the incident".

Before she finished saying that, Man said, "make i follow una Officer". "for where! make i com go station, make dem com say make i pay money to write statement, i no dey go anywhere" i said to myself.

"not you, we need someone that can write, i think you can come with us" Officer Bimpe said pointing at Tega.

As Tega left with her, "yeeeeeeeh!! Man see as the Officer yab you, oboy na big insult oh" Snoop said and we laughed at Man.

"Snoop, you wey dey talk, you know English pass me?" Man said. "why i no go know English pass you, me wey na English i read for IMSU" Snoop replied. "Ok if na true say you read English for IMSU, tell me the past tense of Run?" Man asked. "that na primary two question na, the answer na Ran" Snoop replied.

"you no get am, na before before the answer be Ran, the answer don change, you no know say English dey change everyday" Man said, "so if him no get am, wetin com be the answer?" I asked anxiously.

"the answer no be Ran, the answer na Raned" Man said.

Man wey dey reason!! Man wey dey reason!!
Man wey dey reason!! We made a roof raising cheer.

"Private Foxy!!", "Yes sir!". "Corporal Rap maestro!!", "yes sir!" "Sergeant 4kizo!", "yes sir!". All of u should take Bigflamie to the guard room, deal with him seriously, make una give am hot jollof rice chop, una hear me? "yes sir!!".

Cute bliss(with her hands on Flow's broad chest): darling Flow! Pls forgive Bigflamie, he will not do it again, pls darling.
Flow: Bigflamie, na Cute bliss my wife nahim save u today, if not mosquito for use you do suya for guard room. Soldiers, make una leave am, i don forgive am. "yes sir!!"


*Thinking deeply* but wait oh, e be like say Bigflamie don dey chop my wife Cute bliss kpormor oh.

"Where were you all on the night of Chief Ogbonna's murder?" A male Officer asked us. I saw from his name tag that his name was Officer Tunde.

"we were at home, all of us" I replied.

"so since u were all at home, what happened between 2300hours and 1am" Another Officer asked. From his name tag, i saw that his name was a tongue twister. His name had more consonants than vowels. According to what i saw, his name was Ejunykpokpo, sounded like "Enjoying kponkpon". Because the name sounded funny, i smiled.

"why are u smiling, do u think we are here for joke?" the Female officer yelled at me.

"no Aunty Officer, naso my face dey. If i no dey smile, e go be like say i dey smile" I replied.

Her name wasn't Aunty Officer, but Aunty Officer Bimpe, sorry, Officer Bimpe(miss) according to her name tag. That meant she wasn't married. "who go marry you sef, u think say any Ibo boy go marry O''femmanu girl like you?" I mistakenly said with a low voice, like i whispered it loud enough for my friends seating close to me to hear and not loud enough for the Officers to hear. It was a slip of tongue. So my friends laughed.


"what did u say?" Officer Bimpe yelled at me and stood up. She even brought out koboko. Koboko a.k.a horse whip a.k.a chop and clean mouth.

"so na me u wan flog koboko, dem no born you well make you flog me" I couldn't say that.


"i say what did u say" she yelled raising her hand as if she wanted to flog me.


Though she had not flogged me yet, but in the spiritual realm she had already flogged me and i could feel the "tingling senstation" of the pain in my back.

So in other for the spiritual not to turn physical, i instantly switch on my "lie clock" to figure out the best lie to say. TIC...........TOCK, TIC..........TOCK, went my lie clock. Finally the clock stopped at about 1759hours.

"i said you are a very beautiful woman and you will make a good wife" I answered.

"i tot u said something else" Officer Bimbe said and sat down. "that is what he said" my guys defended me.

"so naso woman for flog me koboko, God forbid!" i tot.

"now what happened between 2300hours and 1am" Officer Enjoying Kpokpon or rather Ejunykpokpo asked.


Tega started explaining with a mind blowing grammer.


With words that could run one's stomach.

Mehn! Tega could speak. A grammarian indeed if i must say. That kin Yanky English.

johnwizey: U shld av thought about dis before typing rubbish na

don't mind him.

He said something and he is still asking for my apology.

Nairaland is the only place you see babies. As long as the baby is given a phone/laptop by his/her mum. Afterall, them no dey write person age for him username.

Do u guys know that one of the characters is this story had commented here before?

Una no go know that one na. Person like Bigflamie.

One of the character has commented on this thread, he is Snoop. If u guys were observant enough, u would have noticed the one comment he made, of which i quoted. If the story were garnished, he would have said so na.

sambroose: Sex sells.....bia nwoke nmadu add some actionz to dis tin na

Hope u guys can now see what i was saying. This Fellow wants me to sell sex.

Sambroose, so because i wan sell sex, i go yan the one wey no happen join the one wey happen?

If u want where they sell sex, why don't you go to a'shawo house.

yemi2plus2: To all da haters... If you don't like a man story, write yours...na who talk again self?

the late Chinua Achebe said that.

We pleaded with Haruna, including Brainbox of course. With Man speaking Hausa to Haruna, it was not as difficult as i expected.

Haruna forgave us and threw away the fetish blood stained feather. Only God knew if the feathers were actually fetish, or Haruna just wanted to scare us with the feather and the Babalawo story.


That night we went to Paapa's place to take a stick or two.


I slept like a Baby that night, Maybe it was because of the weed i smoked.


And i woke up late.

The next morning as we sat under the Mango tree massively brushing our teeth, a beautiful lady walked towards us.


"pls am looking for Chinonso?" the lady said.

I mistakenly took a glimpse at her cat-like eyes, and it instantly blurred my vission.

"who be Chinonso?" Brainbox asked Bigie, "i no know oh, Flow na ur Ibo name be Chinonso?" Bigie asked me.

"no oh" I replied. "pls they is no one by that name here" I said to the cat eyes lady.


At that moment Man walked towards us, "there he is" the cat eyes lady said pointing at Man.


Damn!! I had forgotten that Man was Chinonso. Brother Chinonso.

The beauty to behold was putting on a dress that shone like the petals of a forget-me-not.

But not as shiny as her skin.

I was wondering how a guy as u'gly or rather not too fine as Man could have a beauty queen as a sister, so i mistakenly said, "Man u sure say na ur sister be dis?". "no, no be my sister, na ur sister" Man replied me. "how she go be my sister, wey i wan marry her? Abi person dey marry him own sister?" I said and i saw the cat eyes lady smiled in response.

"Flow, so u wan marry my sister, but u no get money na" Man replied.


He should thank his stars he didn't mention that i was a kpokponist by profession.


She introduced herself as Chiwendu or Sophia. I preffered Sophia.


She also told us that she was a 100level student of FUTO. "Man your junior sister don enter sch, you dey here dey do kponkpon" I almost said.


Man and her younger sister were speaking Hausa as if they were Hausas. Only God knew what she was telling him.

That was one thing i envied Man for. He could speak Hausa. In his phone conversations sometimes he would switch from Ibo to Hausa, to English, to Pidgin English.


As Man and his sister walked into the room, i saw three Police officers entering the compound.

Two Male officers and a Female officer.

Dear Nairalanders,
some of u say words like, "Flow i dey gbadun you", "Flow u too much" , while in their mind they are saying, "Flow u are a big lier".

I have said it before. This story is real.

Even the characters are real. Some of them are still in Nekede.

Some people dey make me vex big time.

Bigflamie: Flow, u dey try for all these your sweet lies.
Keep it up.

Dear Nairalanders,
Inasmuch as you are laughing to my funny story doesn't make it a lie.

Bigflamie, that you are experiencing a boring life doesn't stop another person's life to be eventful.

For me, my life is eventful and fun, because am living it to the fullest.

E be like say i go stop this story oh. because some people don dey make me vex. Wetin be sweat lie na?

If the story were a figment of my imagination, i would have said so na.

Mtchewwwwwwww!!!

We walked home after the near death of Baba jay.

Baba jay was struggling to walk. He looked as "handsome" as a bird that fell into a bucket of water.

"na your money wey remain be dis" i offered Baba jay the 600naira left of his kponkpon money. "where the rest na?" Baba jay asked. "omoh, some of ur money don swim go oh, maybe dem the fish wey dey the river go use the money buy something wey dem go chop dis night" I replied.

Brainbox winked at me and i winked back. My winking meant i would later ask him for my share of the money he caught.


As we got to our compound's gate, we met Tega discussing with Tupac.

"guy, i don go beg Haruna oh, but him no wan hear me. Him say na untill all of us come beg am together nahim him go forgive us" Tega said.

"I no dey go anywhere, that Aboki no fit do anything abeg" Brainbox said.

What Brainbox said provoked anger in me, and i said, "if u talk that thing again i go blow ur mouth, you dey mad? We dey talk how we go beg person wey we chop him fowl, u dey talk r''ubbish".

"u dey mad, na ur Papa dey talk r''ubbish" Brainbox insulted.


I was raging with anger. Water was boiling in my chest.

"Na my Papa u dey curse? Na my Papa u dey curse?" I let out a hot blow to Brainbox's jaw.


"na me u blow?" He held his jaw.

He suddenly dashed towards me to attack me, but he was held by Man and Tega.


"Flow you blow me because i say i no go follow una go Haruna place? Flow u go see wetin i go do u? Make una come carry me go beg na?" Brainbox said and walked out.

I knew even if Man and Tega hadn't held Brainbox, he wouldn't still be able to fight me. because the Brainy Brainbox wasn't Brainy when it comes to fighting. But Flow was.


"Flow na me u blow abi? I go show you" Brainbox threatened from a distance.
"wetin u fit do me? U no fit do anything abeg" I replied.


"him fit do u so many things oh" my mind told me.

True talk! There were a hundred and one dangerous things Brainbox could do to me.

Things like adding excess salt to my food. Like adding sugar to my beans. Like pouring Kerosene into my bath water at night. He had done all these evil act to me when we were at Umunkoto. Even more.

Taking trouble to Brainbox was like taking Coal to Newscastle. He had trouble as his concubine, and he gives it to whoever wanted it just for the asking.

At that moment, a song came to my mind. The song of the late Fela, "when cat sleep, rat dey go bite him tail, wetin him dey find?............. WAHALA e dey find, WAHALA e go get oooh". I was sure i would get Wahala from Brainbox, what i prayed for was a mild Wahala.

"make una go beg Brainbox oh, Haruna say na all of us wey thief him Fowl nahim go beg am oh. Him say if one person no come, all of us go run mad by tomorrow morning" Tega said. "no worry make i go beg am, him go follow us, no worry" Man said and walked out.

"what of Bigie na?" Baba jay asked. "na since morning wey Police come ask us some question, na since after then i no see am till now" Tega said. "him go Ilya du Neked wire joint go drink pammy, him go soon come" Tupac assured.

"ehen Police wey come today say make everybody wey dey dis compound no comot for the compound tomorrow, say dem dey come ask us some questions" Tega informed.

"we don enter Police case oh" I tot.

Wel, like the slogan goes: "Police is your friend".

What i never knew was that a wierd friendship would soon spark up between one of us and one of the Police Officers.

ifeolad8: I respect u broda @ flow, wit a picture frm my guy Osta.

i respect you back. Thank you so much

We boarded the same canoe we boarded while going. Just that we were the only passengers this time around.

"guy una dey make money well well for this una canoe business oh" Man said to the canoe attendant. "naso oh, na God dey do am oh" the Canoe attendant replied. "e be like say i go come follow una dey do the business oh" Man teased. "u never do kponkpon business finish, u wan enter canoe business" i said.

We had barely crossed to the other side of the River when Baba jay brought out the money he had made and said, "omoh mehn! Money dey for dis kpokpon business oh, see as i make 2100naira today. "shebi when i tell u make u follow me go do kpokpon, u tell me say u be old man" Man said.

I had never seen Baba jay that happy since i met him. "mehn see money oh!!" Baba jay said showing us his money.

He still held the money in his hands when a drama started unfolding.

Baba jay started shaking like Banana leaf.

And he graduated to shaking like a Jelly fish.

"which kin play be dis one? u dey f''uck up oh" I said thinking he was trying to f'ool us.

It was no joke. It was real.


Baba jay was experiencing Epilepsy attack.

I could see from the corner of my eyes that Brainbox was dead scared, he almost jumped out of the canoe.

As Baba jay continued shaking like someone that had been electrocuted, he let go of the money he was holding. And sea wind blew the Money from his hands. Not all the money, but some.

It was raining of money, as wind blew the Money to unreachable height, but not beyond the reach of Brainbox.

I saw the rest of the money the wind didn't blow close to my feet, so i picked it. Not for keeps, but i pleged i would hand them over to Baba jay once he becomes well.


I saw Brainbox jumped to catch two 500naira notes that was flying with the wind. I was tempted to try my luck to see how much i could catch, "but why Baba jay go get shaky shaky disease i go com dey jump catch him money?" i asked myself.


"wetin dey do am!! E don dey die oh!! Pour am water na" The canoe attendant shouted. "e no go died, Flow bring water make we pour am" Man said.

"where water na? Water no dey here? Na when we reach house we go see water" I said in a limbo. "u be mumu, we dey on top water and you dey ask me where water dey?" Man replied.

Baba jay continued shaking like a patient of Parkinson's disease for a while. Maybe it was Parkinson's disease, or maybe it was its elder brother named Epilepsy, so i tot.

Then he stopped shaking.


I tot he was dead. because he didn't move his body for about 10minutes.

I hurriedly poured plenty of water on his face.

The water did the magic.

Baba jay coughed back to reality.

He was healed. Healed by Otammiri water.

A song came to my mind at that moment. Fela's song, "water!! e no get enemy!!"

It was an upstairs kponkpon, we would have to go upstairs to pour the rice and beans.

Very risky kponkpon, as someone might mistakenly fall off. Or so i tot.

because of how risky it was to climb upstairs to pour the rice and beans, the money was 700naira per bag instead of the normal 600naira per bag.


War started.

It was indeed war because we were like 15guys. A look at the wierd and rough looking guys, i was sure about half of them were Masters holders in kponkponity, while the rest were Phd holders in kponkponical Engineering.

I and Brainbox were just WASSC holders tutored by our master Man who was just a Bsc holder.

Funny enough, Baba jay couldn't be regarded as a FSLC holder but a Nursery school certificate holder, that is if there was any certificate like that.


Work started.

Mehn!! it wasn't as easy as i tot. Some guys were even taking dry gin to serve as an Energy boaster.

I took a sip of the dry gin, so did Baba jay.

It didn't only boast my strength, it made me developed wings. I was flying.

As for Baba jay, it made him changed his walking step to that of a Robot.


Before i knew it, i was on my fifth bag.

Baba jay was really a fast learner, he was catching up with the kponkpon tutorial he was learning from some of the Phd holders in the game.


I could finish only six bags before work closed. Lazy me!! When there was a guy that did 15bags, even Man did 9bags.


As we walked home, i was happy for Baba jay that atleast his first day to work in the "Ministry of Kponkpon" wasn't a tragedy like mine.

I never knew Tragedy would soon come for him.


Hereditary "wahala" awaited him.


Something i never knew Baba jay had.


Something i only saw on Tv. I saw it in reality for the first time.

We left home on our way to Nekede Exclusive garden.

How we were dressed, whoever sees us would know the nature of our job. We were all wearing rubber slippers, shabby trousers, Brainbox was even wearing a worn out shirt.

We crossed Otammiri River, not by swimming but by canoe. We canoed and paid 20naira each to the canoe rider.


We walked a little distance before we got to Nekede Exclusive garden. The beautiful Nekede Exclusive garden.

The Estate was really a masterpiece. Infact no Estate in Owerri was a beautiful as it. "Man this house dem fine oh" I mentioned with my mouth ajar. "ehen na, u no know say na here all dis politicians dey stay" Man replied. "so where the place wey we go work na?" Brainbox asked Man, "when we reach there u go see the place" how else was Man suppose to respond.


My mouth was still ajar in astonishment when i saw a beautiful lady walking towards us smiling, "wetin make dis one dey smile? How she no go smile, wey she don chop bellefull. Ajebutter pekin, see as she f'at like bread wey dem put for water" I said to my guys in a voice not loud enough for her to hear, my guys laughed.


"Flow!! Long time oh" She said as she came close. The intonation(a.k.a phoney) she used to say that made my brain interpreted what she said as, "Flower long ti oh" i tot she was talking of the flower planted by the roadside. I tot the name of the Beautiful flower was "long ti oh". "Flow, is dis really your?" she said again, this time my brain interpreted her "phoney" correctly.


She was Favour, the ever "phoney" Favour. Our course Rep. in our final year in school. Very intelligent, but her problem was her "phoney". Mehn! She too like phoney. When we were in school, if she wanted to pass an information to the whole class, sometimes we made use of an interpreter to interpret her Swahili to English, because her speaking sounded like 70% Swahili and 30% French.

"what are u doing here? Do u stay here?" She asked me after giving me a "b'reastful" hug(my guys jealous no be small, especially Baba jay). "Yes! Sorry, No, i came to see a friend" I said as i tried my best for her not to see i wore slippers. "ok, i stay here, my Dad owns that house over there" She said pointing to a heaven on earth building.

We chatted a bit. I was not even paying attention to what she said, i was imagining how she had become chubbier, both "nyash wise" and "b'ooby wise".

After she finished speaking Swahili, she left catwalking and i never even bordered to get her phone number because even in my wierdest dream, i dared not asked such a lady out, unless i wan die young.

Ladybianca: lol.........flow u re seriously so funny....kip it up

queen of my heart. How u dey?

It was about 8am. Time for work.

"Flow make we dey go Nekede Exclusive garden, we don late" Man said to me.

"i go follow una go oh" Baba jay suddenly said. Maybe he tot we were going for funfair in the garden. Maybe "where u think say we dey go sef?" Man asked Baba jay, "una dey go mix rice and beans na" Baba jay replied.


It was very certain we would soon have a visitor in the compound. The Police. because after the gruesome murder of a prominent man like Chief, i was 101% certain the Police would come for questioning.

Was Baba jay scared of being question by the Police? Why would he be? When he never had a hand in the death of Chief. But why did he suddenly decide to go with us to mix rice and beans? Only time could answer these questions.


"Flow go buy slippers wey we go wear comot, as dem don thief our shoe and our pam sef, make we wear slippers comot na" Man said offering me 500naira to buy four pairs of rubber slippers(na Flip flop English dey call am oh, but make i just call am the baptizmal name, slippers).


Like minds would always reason alike, i winked at Brainbox, and he understood i wanted him to join me to go submit my L102 Assignment to the Lecturer.

As we walked to Nkiru's Shop bare footed, Brainbox said, "Flow, i go dey for back of the shop, u go dey throw them the slippers come where i dey". "No wahala" I replied. What it meant was that i had a big task ahead.

"Nkiru, i wan buy slippers, the big size" I said as i got to Nkiru's shop. "take am there and give me money" Nkiru replied. I took a pair of slippers and gave her the 500naira. "i no get change here oh, make i go bring change come" Nkiru said and rushed into the house.

Opportunity!! Big Opportunity.

I threw a pair of Slippers quickly, and i threw another pair. But before i could throw the final pair, Nkiru came with the change. Since i was with one pair of slippers and i already threw two pairs to Brainbox, so in other to complete the pair of Slippers, i quickly demanded, "Nkiru abeg give me another Slippers". She gave me, and i left peacefully.

Peacefully indeed, as a successful candidate of L102 course. An "A" course.

As i walked out of Nkiru's Shop, i saw Haruna came walking towards me.

I was wearing a pair of slippers, and i held another pair.

The way Haruna stared at me, it was as if he was suspecting i stole the pair of Slippers i held. "i no thief am oh, i buy am, them the one wey i thief dey with Brainbox" If i said that, maybe i would instantly run Mad.

Talking of Mad, i quickly recalled Haruna's threat. And i promised myself i would talk to my guys for us to go plead for Haruna's forgiveness. And that they should remember Haruna gave us just 24hours.


"Make we go beg Haruna na, make we no run mad oh" I said as i entered the room. "Bone that thing abeg, that Aboki want make we fear" Baba jay said. "na lie oh, him mean am oh, make we go beg am oh" I repeated. "Flow leave that thing jor, why u be fear-fear like dis" Man said. "how i no go fear? u no see feather wey blood dey wey him carry that time" I yet repeated. "Flow we no dey go beg am jor, that feather no mean anything abeg" Snoop replied.

"E mean something oh! E mean something oh!" I warned.

Like the pidgin English adage goes; "fly wey no dey hear word dey follow dead body enter grave".

Since i was called "fear-fear" just because i told my friends what i felt was right. Well, i had done my best. I was sure even if Haruna cursed madness on all of us, my madness wouldn't be as severe as theirs, or so i tot.

[quote author=Foxy_Ultimate]**Chases him with cutlass**

No be only homo, I go use you willy-willy offer sacrifice to Obatala[/quote]Foxy na una be Oga at the top wey no want make my story enter frontpage abi?

Reason with Cuddlemii ur Sugar Mummy na?

*Cuddlemii i dey joke oh!(Pidgin).
*its nothing but a pun(English).
*O wu egbúrègbé o(Ibo).
*Eré láwa o(Yoruba).
*Someone should pls help me with the Hausa interpretation.

Before my Madam at the top go ban me because of joke!!

[quote author=Foxy_Ultimate]Abeg na[/quote]Abeg for wetin? Help! Help oh!! Help oh! Make una help me oh!! Foxy dey drag me enter room oh. Him be Homosapien oh! Him wan r''ape me oh!!.

















Foxy na joke oh

Emperortj93: Na wa oooo, make all men dey try "like" every new upload wey flow dey knack we people nah. As 4 me and my family shai, we will continue clickin d like button as a sign of apreciation

Emperor my man, long time no sight, sorry, long time no saw, sorry, long time no seen. Oooooh! Na English be my problem oh. Infact make i use pidgin; i wan tell u say e don tay wey i see you here.

U'gly events were unfolding like Domino effect.

Our world was gradually crashing, so i tot


Man and the rest came back with the Jeep, without Chief.

Chief had kicked the bucket.

The other guys wore gloomy faces, but Kate was crying.

She had lost her Lover.

"but who go kill this good man na?" i asked myself. Maybe one of his political opponents wanted him dead. Maybe he had stepped on toes. But one question i felt like asking was why Chief came alone without his bodyguards. If only the dead could speak.


Kate was almost crying her eyes out, so i went to hold her, to give her my shoulders to cry on. As i held her close to my body, a tingling sensation ran from my head to my John thomas.

A sensation i was enjoying. So i gradually moved my hand to her a''ss, i knew she wouldn't complain, so i f'ondled it. Mehn! It was soft, and it bounced like a ballon. A fully inflated ballon.


"Kate don't cry again, God gives and God takes" I consoled with my hand still on her a''ss. As if it was her a''ss i was consoling not her.

I tot nobody saw my hand behind. I was wrong, the ever sharp Brainbox say it and winked at me. I winked back.


Just when we said we had drank Wahala to Stupor, wahala came.


"if una no buy my fowl back before tomorrow, all of una go run mad" Haruna who just walked in threatened.

Empty threat. Or so i tot.

Not until he brought out fetish feathers stained with blood.


"Una see dis feather, na the feather of the Fowl wey una chop. I don carry am go Babalawo place, him say if una no confess before tomorrow, all of una go run mad" Haruna threatened.

This time i was convinced it wasn't an empty threat, but a full threat.

I was ready to confess instantly, but the problem was that was my friends ready to confess?

Edmanpumpin: How come papa ejima didn't stop david from explaining what mopol did to mama ejima. Nice job flow and keep em flowing

shey u no know as small children dey do? They are always forward.

Thank you Edmanpumpin. What a name? It sounds like "head na pumkin". Shey ur head resemble pumkin?

Blue diamond: Ok na,e don tay wey i enter here.
Flow,weldone.

Blue diamond, how market?

Peterjosh: Keep it on bravo

Peterjosh omo OAU. Bawo ni?

Leystra: After waiting for one week I finally meet up... Kudos to you Flow.....

welcome on board Leystra. I like ur username.

Nduking92: i luv ur choice of words my man.

thank you my man. Nduking92 u too much.